Zaire: Let me start by saying you're the love of my life and I will always be in love with you. I know I hurt you in the worst way. She didn't mean anything to me and I'm sorry I was mad I made you doubt me, yourself, and our relationship. I was angry and that's not an excuse but that's what it was. I am so in love with you that when you said that you didn't belong in my life and you were letting me go I broke. I felt ruined, so I drank and smoked till I was numb. I know we decided together to keep us a secret because you didn't want it fall back on my dads job, then I saw you talking to another guy that was my breaking point than conversation kept playing in my head and I felt used if that makes sense. Anyways sleeping (which I did not do) with her meant nothing, you're the only who has my heart, mind, body, and soul. Just being in the same room I feel scared and safe all at the same time. I'm sorry I cut our life together short but Z live life. I want you to go out there and find love again, and when you do don't hold back. Please baby open your heart, I know my father and Liv will be there if you need anything. You know Liv she was with us from the beginning. Remember the day she caught us making out, I was so mortified and panic stricken, but she smiled at us and gave us a moment to get ourselves together before she came back in. She talked to us and listened. I wished so many nights that she was my mom and could adopt me. That woman made me feel that my love for you was nothing to be ashamed of and that we were the ones in love and you have to fight for love. After that talk she told us she could see we were good for each other and that's all I needed from a parent. Zaire I love you with all my heart and you will always be a Grant to me. And the reason I'm saying you are a Grant is because I bought you a ring, it was a simple promise ring that I knew would one day turn into an engagement than to a wedding band. I miss the way you smile at me, I miss the way your hand feels in mine, but what I miss the most is hearing the beating of your heart. After we were together for the first time I knew that I was done for. I saw our future; we were going to take over the world. We were going to be the first gay interracial family in the White House following in my dad's footsteps as first President to divorce and marry the person who he truly loved and also happened to be of a different race. I guess I'm like my father in that way, I see color but I don't hold it to have any type of meaning of who you are, I just saw you. I can't say it enough but I love you, I love you my moon and stars. Come visit me and catch me up on the crazy college parties, the boyfriend you will have (even though I disagree because your mine) all the things you see. Take care of all the knuckleheads for me and don't lose them or yourself. Listen to System of the Down to Gain Degraw and all the way to Stevie Wonder. Know that you are what I wished for when I fell in love and I am glad I found you. I love you and I always will.
Its two day later from when I started this and I felt like I needed to write more. Today we made love and I just had to commit it to paper. You are the best lover and man oh man what I wouldn't give to be wrapped up in you all day long. I seriously hope no one else sees this last part but you. But my goodness, fine I'm going to say it you rocked my world so good that I couldn't feel my legs for hours. Hahaha I can't believe I'm writing this I feel like a blushing school boy but I guess I just wanted you to know that you will always be my friend, lover, and soulmate. I love you my heart. I'll be seeing you. And know when you feel the wind it's me giving you a kiss.
PS Shit I almost forgot your ring is under the tree where we had our first kiss in public at the White House. Theres also a video for you of us laughing and being us and one for my parents, make sure they get to see them. With all my heart I thank you for loving me, this isn't goodbye but a see you later, much later. I love you, I love you.
