A/N: So many questions! They shall be answered by the end, I promise.
Anyone who has been following me for the last year knows that I rarely go for the happiest, cheesiest ending...I like to be realistic and sometimes life is just...well life!
The chapters shall be longer than the last 27 chapters...from here on out.
This is not the end...so yea...
Enjoy!
Otherside (Macklemore & Ryan Lewis)
"San?"
I was currently buried under a stack of papers with my headphones on.
Three papers and a draft were due this week and I was trying my best to plow through it all.
Q, meanwhile, was waving the phone at me not knowing that I wasn't actually listening to anything at the moment.
Her hair was still dark but she had cut it all off again.
She was flawless...as always.
I pulled the headphones down and smiled at her.
"Hey Q...what's up?"
"Britt's mom is on the phone."
"I'm not here." I muttered bitterly before putting the headphones back on.
She put the phone back to her ear and whispered something before ending the call.
Her face was scrunched up and she looked upset.
I knew what was next...it was the same argument that we had been having since we moved to San Francisco.
Maybe even since Sue's wedding in Vegas a few months ago.
Was it really my fault that I wanted to continue cutting everyone off?
I followed them all on Twitter...wasn't that enough?
"We need to talk about this, San." Quinn said as she stood over me with her phone in her hand.
I shrugged off my annoyance and fought the urge to ignore her.
That wasn't how we dealt with things but in that moment...I really wished it was.
"What's there to talk about?"
"I supported you when you decided to get serious about your career and get sober. I supported you when you insisted that you wouldn't talk to Rachel anymore after she turned the old glee club against you all because you refused to go to the reunion. I even flew to New York to tell her off...but right now...I can't support you cutting out Britt. She needs us...don't be so cold, San."
I felt a headache coming on.
I pressed the heels of my palms against the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath.
Anger was raging through me at the mention of Britt.
The tears came next and I felt like this really fucking sucked.
"Fuck." I muttered.
She moved around my desk and proceeded to plant herself between me and my laptop.
"What was that?" She said in the most neutral voice that she could.
I dropped my hands and looked up at her.
There were deep circles under her eyes and exhaustion on her face.
Law school was kicking her ass but she was standing here...fighting for Britt.
Why wasn't I?
"I already agreed to step in and help if that's what Susan wants but I will not be the one to break Britt's heart. Not again. Cutting her out is the only way for me, Q. I can't...it's too fucking much." I mumbled.
Her fingers found their way under my chin and she stroked at my jaw.
"She's sick, San. She listens to you...and if she doesn't get help...she's going to die. If you won't do this for her...do it for that little boy. Your godson."
I felt nauseous.
How had things gotten so out of hand?
I trusted that when Britt went to New York that Rachel and Kurt would look out for her.
Or Tina or anyone else but they didn't.
Everyone just stood back and let her get this way and now I was supposed to fly across country?
"Don't you see it though, babe...I fly there...I get her help and then I come back here and she gets out of rehab and ends up right back this way. We've been through this already. I can't fly out there again. I did it the one time that you asked me...when Nicky was born. I was there...I held her hand and cried with her. Fuck...I even named him but she's fucking married and her motherfucking husband should be helping her!"
"He left, San...months ago...when she went to rehab...he left. It's just her...all alone."
My heart dropped.
"What? Where's Nicky?"
"Social services...they were threatening to take him and so Susan has him at her hotel."
"And then what?"
"If social services gets him...he will be put in foster care...anywhere but with his mother...at least not with her alone...they think she's unfit."
"Fuck...that's because she's a drunk...who wouldn't think she's unfit? I love her and even I think every time she drops him off with a neighbor just so that she can party all night and get plastered, that she's borderline unfit. Why wouldn't they?"
"She needs you, babe."
"Everyone fucking needs me." I snapped.
She sighed and then nodded.
"I wish that I could fix this for you."
"Me too...what does Susan want?"
"You know what she wants, San."
"And you would be okay with that?"
"I know that we are both in school...but we could make it work...maybe even...bring her back too. Help her get clean."
"You're serious?"
"I am."
"Convince me?"
"I don't need to. The very fact that you just asked me that, tells me that you are thinking with your head and not your heart. You know that you should go to New York, San...that you should go get Nicky. It's what Britt would want...you are probably the only person that he loves as much as his mom. And she is the only person that you love as much as me. You know what to do, San."
"Fuck!" I snapped and shoved my chair backwards.
I was on my knees in the next moment and resting my face against Quinn's stomach.
The tears burned my cheeks as she stroked her fingers through my hair.
"I know, baby...this really sucks."
"It's so fucked up." I mumbled against her shirt as I wrapped my hands around her hips. "Q?"
"All you have to do is ask, San."
"Come with me, please?"
"On one condition."
I looked up at her in shock...
Since when did we have conditions?
"Condition?"
I went to pull away so I could look at her better but she pulled my head back against her stomach and continued stroking my head.
"Yes...I will go with you but you have to promise me something."
"Okay...what?"
"Go there with an open heart...that means if you see Rachel or anyone else from high school...you aren't a bitch to them. I'm not missing classes just to go see you be incorrigible."
My blood suddenly ran cold.
That was a big promise to make.
But then...if that was the only way to get her to come with me...then so be it.
My professors gave me three days...Quinn's gave her two.
Getting in and out of New York in just one day seemed impossible but we were on a mission.
Britt lived near Coney Island but her mom had gotten a hotel in Manhattan...and so that's where Quinn and I were planning to stay.
Nobody knew the state of Britt's place, not even her mom...when she had gone to get Nicky, apparently Britt had met her on the sidewalk.
But I was planning on heading straight there.
Quinn was going to stay at the hotel with Susan and Nicky, while I tried to convince Britt to come to California with me.
It was going to be hard but I felt like I owed it to Nicky to at least try to save his mom.
Britt had been out of rehab for only two months and so I guess that everyone thought she would be okay.
Even Susan, at least that was until she got a call from Britt crying and screaming about how the pre-school had called social services and that she was going to be investigated.
She had shown up at the pre-school drunk and now everyone had to move their lives around to fix her mistakes.
It pissed me off.
We were standing by on the sidewalk at almost sunrise and I was waiting to hail a cab.
I had literally checked into the hotel, unpacked and then headed back out.
Quinn though, insisted on seeing that I got off okay.
She held onto my hand as we neared the curb.
"Remember your promise."
I turned to her and raised my eyebrow.
"Q...this is Brittany that we're talking about...no matter how pissed off she makes me...you know as well as I do that once I'm there, this anger will just turn into concern. Maybe a few tears. I promised you that I would be on my best behavior and I won't break that promise."
She smiled and then leaned into my lips but just hovered there for a moment.
"Call me when you get there...let me know how things go. Okay?"
"Yep...and you will make sure that Nicky has the best day ever right?"
"Definitely."
I held up my hand as I stood on the street and kissed her.
There was a honk behind me a few moments later.
"Wish me luck." I muttered before climbing into the cab.
"I wish you success, my love."
I closed the door and gave her wave, suddenly feeling sad about leaving her behind.
But I had to do this alone.
Even if it was the last thing that I wanted to do.
The sun was coming up as I pulled up at the address that Susan had given me.
And when I saw how rundown the place looked, I double checked the address with Susan and then the cab driver before setting foot outside the car.
This looked nothing like a place that Brittany would ever live.
But her husband had left her while she was in rehab and she couldn't afford to pay her rent in Brooklyn.
How could this be the place that she ended up?
So many of the old glee club lived in New York, any of them could have helped her...checked on her but nobody had.
Why did it take me flying three thousand miles?
My anger at my old choir friends was renewed.
I was so close to breaking my promise to Q, ready to call everyone that I knew in New York just to curse them out but then I saw her.
It was nearing five in the morning and here she was brushing her fingers through her mussed up hair and stumbling towards the door that I was standing next to.
She hadn't seen me yet and so I waited.
When she got about six feet away, I could smell the liquor and ash coming from her clothes.
Is this what Nicky had been seeing?
Where were the unicorns?
The fat cats?
The fondue?
She either didn't see me or didn't want to see me as she brushed past me and pushed her key in the lock.
"Britt?" I said as I put my hand on her elbow.
She jerked back and looked at me with bloodshot eyes.
And then she smiled.
But it wasn't a normal goofy smile...it was sad and depressing.
"Are you really here?" She mumbled.
"Yea."
"Do you wanna come up or something? Nicky isn't here."
"I know...and yea...I'd like that."
She nodded and then pushed the door open for me.
"Top of the steps on the left." She said as she waited for me to pass her.
In the past, she used to get me to walk in front of her because she liked to stare at my ass...but this time, I had a feeling that she didn't want me to be able to see her struggling up the steps.
Even though I knew that she was drunk.
I obliged.
The effort had been there.
Once I was in Britt's apartment, memories of her childhood bedroom came rushing back.
The walls were all painted and the furniture was all in place.
You wouldn't be able to tell what kind of state she was in if you saw her place without knowing she was a wreck.
She told me that she was going to shower and get dressed and told me to make myself at home.
Once she was out of the room, I sent a quick text to Quinn, just to let her know that I was there and that I would call when I left.
After that, I found a coffee maker and some stale coffee.
The fridge was empty except for a few eggs and a pat of butter.
I took it upon myself to make us some food, thankful that Britt had at least been keeping things clean.
After I had breakfast served, I went in search of her.
I didn't like what I found.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
She was completely showered, dressed in sweats and was gulping some brown liquid from a Batman cup like she hadn't just come back reeking of alcohol.
At least she had the nerve to look caught.
She put the cup down and then wiped at her mouth.
"I'm having a drink, in my apartment...what the fuck are you doing?"
"I came to talk to you."
She was annoyed as she rubbed her hand over her face and then rubbed at her red eyes.
"You could have done that over the phone."
"Britt don't be like this...please. I made breakfast...lets sit and talk. Please?"
"Please? Seriously?" She laughed dryly before the tears started. "Who are you?"
"Is this about us never getting back together?"
She laughed and shook her head.
"Please...I have bigger problems than you. My husband left me...I had to send my son away, I can't dance anymore because of this stupid fucking knee and I'm probably going to be in jail by the end of the day!"
"What do you mean by jail?"
"Just tell me why you're here...please?"
I sighed as I leaned against the door jamb.
So much for doing this civilly.
"I want you to come back to California with me. You and Nicky can start fresh."
"Why would I want to do that? This is Nicky's home...my home."
"Britt...sweetie...you came here for Julliard...you got hurt and you turned to drinking. I get it."
"Don't" She whispered. "Just...leave me alone, Santana."
I stepped closer to her and tipped up her chin, just like Q often did to me when I was too ashamed to look at her.
Britt's eyes were no longer the brilliant blue that they had been in high school...instead they now had a steely grey to them.
The drinking had aged her and the dark circles under her eyes seemed etched there.
Quinn had been right...Britt needed me.
I couldn't just leave her here to die.
Maybe her husband could do that and the old glee club could...but there was no way that I could.
"Tell me that you want me to go and I will, B...tell me that you want this to be how things are, tell me that this is how you want Nicky to remember you. Tell me to leave you here to die."
With every word that I spoke, my heart ached even more.
I was ready to step up as her best friend.
Ready to hold her hand through this.
But she had to take that first step.
A/N: I started this chapter doing one thing and then it veered this way...don't hate me too much...or at all.
I always defer to my story to tell me when it's done...that's why I suck at my self-imposed deadlines. That being said...is it okay if I go to 30 chapters?
Yea?
Okay good...I double pinky promise that at 30, I'm done.
And CC...if you keep badgering me for sexy times...I will make everyone a nun...I swear! ;)
Seriously. ;)
