Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.


Chapter 28- If You Only Knew

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you

If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you

If You Only Knew- Shinedown


Edward POV

The drive back to Forks was tense. Bella was staring out her window with a wrinkle in between her brows, her eyes glazed over. Her hands were clenched into fists in her lap and she was absolutely out of it. I knew her mind was probably in dark places whilst my own was wracking itself, trying to think of ways to distract her.

I turned the stereo on when we were at a red light, and she visibly jumped at the sudden noise. I eyed her warily as she looked away, choosing to stare out the window at the darkness.

Sighing, I turned the volume down, not really paying attention to what song it was. It could have been the British National Anthem for all I knew, and I wouldn't even have noticed.

"Bella," I said quietly. My voice sounded painfully loud in the thick silence. "Please talk to me."

It was as though she couldn't hear me, that's how zoned out she was. I reached over to take her hand but she flinched violently, her fright filled eyes staring at me like she had no idea who the fuck I was.

I took a deep breath, trying not to get too frustrated with her. She had been through a lot of shit that she was just getting over, only to have some psycho witch lady tell her that the Asshat that ruined her life was coming back. What the fuck kind of bullshit was that? As if she didn't already have a fucking panic attack every once in a while, as if she didn't always tense up when hearing words like "skateboard" or "Michigan", as if sudden movements didn't still make her flinch. She was doing better, that was for sure, but it honestly didn't help the healing process if a fucking psychic, real or not, was telling her things that she didn't want to hear.

Bella was staring out the window again and I was about to say something else to distract her when my phone started vibrating in my inner jacket pocket. I pulled it out while keeping my eyes on the road, pressing the touchable screen of the stupid little thing.

"Hey," I answered. I kept my voice low in case Bella became startled by the sound. She was still in her dark little world, oblivious to my presence.

"Where are you guys?" Emmett asked. "Bella won't answer her phone."

I glanced at Bella's blank expression. "Her phone must be off or something. How goes it?"

"Just wondering where you guys were at. It's almost midnight. . . "

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like you gave us a curfew, dimwit."

"Whatever, asshole, I was just worried. I left you two alone doing God knows what, and didn't even bother calling until now. Rosalie's already in bed."

"We're on our way, chill the fuck out."

"How's Bella?"

Oh, fuck. The one question I was hoping he wouldn't ask.

"Uh . . ."

"What's with the 'uh'? What happened?" His voice had gone from casual to authoritative in less than a millisecond.

"I'll explain when we get there."

"She's okay, right?"

"Yeah, she's fine . . . physically. I dunno about her emotional state . . ."

"Hurry up."

"Fine, but if I get a fucking speeding ticket, the money's coming out of your pocket."

"Done."


I felt immensely relieved once I pulled into Bella's driveway, hoping that her brother's presence would soothe her. I doubted it, but it was worth a shot. Maybe he'd get her to talk, since I obviously couldn't get her to verbalize in any way.

When I stopped the car, Bella remained frozen. It looked like she didn't even know we had arrived at her own home.

I sighed heavily and pushed my door open, moving around the front of the car to open hers. She remained still as a fucking statue, staring absentmindedly through the windshield.

It couldn't be healthy for her to be in a state of mind like that. Jaw set in determination; I reached in and undid her seatbelt.

As expected, she jumped, but I ignored her movements and gently pulled her out.

Once she was standing outside the car and I was sure she wasn't going to topple over or something, I shut the car door and turned to face her.

She was staring at the ground, her arms crossed in front of her chest, hands clutching her elbows.

I took her chin and forced it upward, leaving it there until her eyes met mine. For a second they were a little glazed over, but she blinked and they became brighter, a sign of her awareness.

"Stop," I mumbled, running my thumb over her lower lip.

"Stop what?" she mumbled back.

I exhaled in relief. Her voice may have been monotone, but at least she was talking. "Stop thinking."

Her brows furrowed. "Why would I want to do that?"

"You know what I mean. Stop thinking about that stupid psychic. Stop thinking about everything that happened a few months ago. Stop being afraid that what that woman said is going to happen, because it's not. She made it all up, and you know it. Please, for the love of Pop-Tarts and leather jackets, stop torturing yourself."

Bella managed a little smile, though it didn't reach her eyes. "What are you, some freakish mind reader?"

I chuckled darkly. "Something like that." I brushed her hair aside and pressed my lips to her forehead. "I know what's going through that head of yours. I don't have a degree in psychology, but I know that thinking what you're thinking can't be healthy."

Bella sighed. "I know. It's cold, can we go inside?"

I grabbed her hand and tucked her into my side, walking straight across the perfectly cut lawn.

Emmett pulled the front door open before we reached it, his eyes assessing Bella as we approached him.

"You okay?" he asked her once we were inside and he had closed the door against the winter winds. I pulled my jacket off and threw it over the back of the couch.

"Yeah," Bella said, not meeting his gaze. "I'm gonna go take a shower and then go to bed. I'm tired."

"Okay," Emmett muttered, frowning.

Bella turned to me, her eyes oddly vacant. "Will you stay?"

"Yeah, of course."

She smiled sadly and slowly walked towards the stairs, practically dragging her feet like they were too heavy for her legs.

Emmett and I stood in silence until we heard the click of the bathroom door closing upstairs.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded.

I immediately launched into our little tale, telling him all about how Bella wanted to see a fucking psychic for entertainment, and how it had all gone wrong. I mentioned what the lady had said, everything from talking about cities to talking about "him" coming back, whoever the fuck "him" was supposed to be.

Emmett's expression had remained serious the entire time, growing dark when I mentioned the mysterious male figure the crazy woman had mentioned.

"Okay, so this 'him' person is supposed to be Jacob?" he asked once I was finished.

I shrugged. "I really don't fucking know. But that's what Bella thinks, which is why she's been zoned out all night. She hasn't been talking until we got here, and I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself by dwelling on the possibility of that wanker somehow coming back."

Emmett ran a hand over his face and exhaled noisily, his expression tired. "Shit. This is not good. Why in the hell would she want to see a damn psychic?"

"Beats me. She thought it would be funny but instead it just fucked everything up."

"I can't believe she actually believes that dickface is coming back. His ass is miles away, in prison."

"We know that, but you know how Bella is. This is all she's going to think about for a while."

"I swear, if that asshole shows turns up around here again-"

"I'll kill him," I finished his sentence and we stared at each other with matching expressions of severity.

Emmett and I had a bond created out of the fact that we both cared about Bella immensely, but what made the bond unbreakable was our mutual hate for the bastard that ruined her life. Neither of us would hesitate to slice his throat if he ever showed his face again. I didn't finish the job because the fucking police had shown up, but I would give anything to get him alone, preferably in a dark alley someplace far away from Bella, just so I could enjoy watching him suffer a slow and painful death at my hands.

"I should go to bed," Emmett sighed, pulling me out of my violent thoughts. "I'm assuming you're going to stay the night?"

He didn't sound happy with the idea, but had long since stopped trying to get me to leave at night, resigned to the fact that sometimes Bella needed me.

"Bella wants me to, so yeah," I replied.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "Whipped."

He stalked off towards the stairs but not before I threw a sofa pillow at his head.

"Fuck you; you follow Rose around like a fucking dog with his tail between his legs!"

Emmett barked out a laugh as he ascended. "Good night, Eddie boy. Turn out the lights when you go upstairs, the fucking electricity bill was too high last month."

I shook my head. Bonding with Emmett often resulted in a shitload of verbal abuse.

Once I flicked off all the lamps, I went upstairs and entered Bella's room. It was empty since she was still in the bathroom, so I just plopped down onto her bed, my body immediately relaxing into her soft mattress.

I glanced around her bedroom as I waited, inhaling deeply. Her room smelled like girl. It wasn't the overly perfumed, nauseatingly fruity scent that some slags smelled like, but it was actually rather nice. It was like strawberries and chocolate or some shit like that. It was purely Bella.

I didn't realize I had dozed off until I awoke with a start when the door opened.

Bella walked in with a towel wrapped around her head. I thought she'd be in a robe or have a towel around her body or something (you know, naked somehow) so I was disappointed to see her donning her pyjamas.

She smiled at me as she shut the door behind her. "Thanks for staying."

"No problem," I smiled back, scooting over to the side I usually slept on when I spent the night.

I watched as she stood at her dressing table, pulling the towel off her head and rubbing it furiously through her hair. The scent of strawberry shampoo permeated the air.

She bent over so that she could remove the excess water properly, and I was given a clear view of her ass.

She had a really, really, really nice bum. I wasn't really an ass kind of guy, my interest usually in the boob area, but Bella had to be the exception. It wasn't too bulbous, or too flat, but it had just the right amount of roundness. Staring at her ass made heat travel down to my groin so I quickly looked away, staring out her window instead. Now would not be a good time to get blue balls, especially since I was spending the night in her bed.

I glanced at her side table and saw her iPod sitting there, so I snatched it up and started going through all her songs like the nosy little fucker that I was.

I had to say, she had some pretty good taste . . . for the most part. She was all about the classic rock, but she also had quite a bit of those annoying bands where the singer sounds like he hasn't hit puberty yet.

And then my jaw dropped.

"What the fuck?" I said loudly.

Bella jumped and slowly turned around to stare at me, her brush halfway through her damp hair. "What?"

"Lindsay Lohan?" I said incredulously, holding up the iPod. "Bella, what is this fuckery?"

Her cheeks became tinged with red. "It was back in the day, when she was less of a train wreck."

"Was she ever less of a train wreck?"

"Yes, she was. I was thirteen when the album came out, cut me some slack."

I shook my head in disbelief as she turned around to finish brushing her hair.

"Holy shitting fuck!" I cried, and Bella turned to stare at me like I was insane. "Ashlee Simpson?"

She rolled her eyes and set the brush down, dropping her wet towel in the hamper on her way over to me.

"Okay, that's enough," she said, grabbing the iPod from me and throwing it in the drawer of her side table. "I have a lot in there from when I was much, much younger. I didn't even get into rock until Emmett started taking care of me."

I smiled at the fact that she sounded completely normal now.

"Feeling all right?" I asked, completely disregarding that we were just talking about the stupid whores in her music collection.

She snuggled up to me and wrapped her arm around my waist, nodding in response to my question and burying her head in my chest. She smelled so fucking good, all clean and girl-like. I rested my chin on the top of her head, holding her to me.

I hated to bring it up, but I wanted to make sure she was over the whole psychic thing, at least a bit. "You're not still worried about what the crazy witch said, are you?"

"She wasn't a crazy witch," Bella mumbled before sighing. "Her words keep on replaying over and over in my head. I guess I just . . . the possibility . . ."

"Is one in a billion," I finished her sentence.

She turned her head to gaze up at me with frightened brown eyes. "Edward, what if he's that one?"

I stared back at her, completely at a loss for words.

What if he was that one?

I closed my eyes so that she wouldn't see my own uncertainty.

If he was that one, I'd probably have to kill him.

"Don't worry about it," I muttered, unable to give her the comfort that she sought, the reassurance that I was capable of.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that her gaze had turned wistful. I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, hoping that would be comforting since obviously the right fucking words escaped me.

"I'm gonna go brush," I told her. She smiled softly and pulled away, climbing under her covers and snuggling up with her pillows. I placed another kiss on her cheek before climbing off the bed and heading to the bathroom.

Yeah, I had my own fucking toothbrush at the Swans' house now, even my own towel. Rosalie had gotten me some basic bathroom necessities, saying that it was unhygienic for me to spend nights with Bella if I wasn't going to brush my teeth and shower.

I entered the bathroom and stared at my reflection. I looked like shit. My hair was the perfect example of what happens when you try and stick your head in a washing machine or something. The bronze locks stuck in every direction, making me look like the younger, taller, better looking and copper haired version of Einstein. Bruise-like shadows rested under my eyes and I really needed to shave. I looked too thin somehow, my cheekbones and jaw a little more prominent than usual. It was evident that I had probably lost shitloads of weight since coming to Forks.

I sighed sleepily and pulled out my blue toothbrush from the little toothbrush holder. After my teeth were all clean and tasted like peppermint, my stomach grumbled and I suddenly remembered that neither of us had eaten dinner.

"Fucking great," I mumbled, flicking off the bathroom light on my way out.

When I went back to Bella's room, she was lying on her stomach, her head facing the door. She smiled tiredly as I unbuttoned my shirt, taking that off along with the white t-shirt I wore underneath it. I took of my shoes and socks and then climbed in next to her, still in my jeans.

Bella turned the lamp off and then turned on her side so that we were spooning. She cuddled back into me as I wrapped my right arm around her waist while my head was buried in her neck.

"You didn't eat," I mumbled into her skin.

"I'll survive," she whispered.

I hummed and closed my eyes, breathing in her sweet scent. I pushed all thoughts of the stupid psychic to the back of my head, choosing instead to enjoy the moment and fall asleep. I really was fucking knackered, and it wasn't long before I felt myself drifting off.

"Edward?"

I reluctantly forced myself to stay awake for a second longer, though I kept my eyes closed.

"Hmm?"

"I want to meet your parents."

My eyes flew open.

What. The. Fuck.

I propped myself up on an elbow and stared down at her profile. She hadn't moved at all, her hands folded under her cheek and her eyes locked on the door in a blank stare.

"W-What?" I stuttered. "You want to meet my . . ." I couldn't finish my statement. She had gone mad, and now I was wide awake.

Bella turned so that she was on her back, staring up at me. She looked wary, like she was bracing herself for my reaction.

"It's just, I only met your mom twice, briefly," she said, sounding nervous. "It was months ago. I don't even remember what she looks like. And your dad, I only ever ran into him once and-"

She broke off, staring at me in shock.

What was my expression? I couldn't tell. I couldn't feel my face. All I could feel was the tightening in my chest, the stalling of my heart, the panic that was making its way up my throat.

All I could think was that she ran into my father. . .

She ran into my father.

"Edward?" Bella sounded frantic and she reached up to touch my cheek. The second her skin met mine, my lungs allowed me to let out a shaky breath.

I pushed the covers off of me, the room suddenly suffocatingly hot.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked. "You look like you're going to be sick."

I sat up so that I was kneeling beside her, running both my hands over my face.

This was bad news. Really, really bad news.

"Bella," I said, trying to keep my voice from trembling. It wasn't working. "When did you meet my father and when? I need you to tell me everything he said, everything he did . . . did he touch you?"

She looked alarmed by my tone of voice, as well as my question. There was no fucking doubt that I sounded panicked, because that's exactly how I felt.

"I-It was a while ago . . ." she trailed off, eying me cautiously.

"Details, I need details!" My voice rose in panic.

She had run into my fucking father. My father the pedophile, the alcoholic. When the fuck was this, and how did I not know? If he had laid so much as a finger on her . . .

Bella sat up, her own expression overwhelmed this time. She leaned back against her headboard, her face alert.

"Calm down," she said worriedly. "He didn't touch me. I mean, not on purpose, just, I mean, he-"

She broke off, staring at me wide-eyed.

Why couldn't I control my features? Where the fuck was the poker face I was so skilled with? I knew I looked like I was scared shitless. My eyes were probably the size of saucers by now.

"Edward, you're scaring me," she whispered.

That was all it took. That was all it took for my features to soften, for my face to relax into something that wasn't panic or fear or anger.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose. "I'm sorry." My voice was barely above a whisper. "Just tell me everything, please."

Bella audibly swallowed before she continued, "I bumped into him months ago, when I came over to your house to tutor you. I left in a hurry and I didn't see him there so I just crashed into him. I apologized, and he said it was okay. I assumed he was your dad because he had an accent, and he looked like Rosalie. . . And that was that. "

"That's it?" I asked in disbelief. "You just bumped into him, apologized, and left? He didn't do or say anything other than telling you it was okay?"

Bella nodded and I felt relief course through me. I collapsed onto her pillows and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands.

So he hadn't done anything wrong. Hell, the bastard didn't have any time to. Knowing Bella, she was probably too embarrassed to actually stick around and really talk to him. If she had, who knows what kind of shit he would have pulled.

"Why are you so freaked out about me running into your dad?"

I huffed and dropped my hands from my face, "He's just not a good person. That's all."

"He seemed fine to me."

"Looks can be deceiving, baby."

"Why? What's so wrong with your dad? I didn't feel anything off about him-"

"Bella, you don't get it," I snapped. "You don't know him like do."

"Fine, but I can't visit your mom, either? She was nice."

"No."

"But why?"

"Just drop it, Bella. You don't need to meet my parents, this isn't the eighteenth century. The whole town isn't going to ostracize you for not knowing the parents of your boyfriend."

"I really, really, want to though."

I sat up, unable to stop my eyes from hardening into a glare. She was starting to irritate me; why didn't she just take my word for it and realize that meeting both my parents at the same time was just not a good idea?

"Why are you so fucking worried about my parents?" I asked frustratedly. "What's the big deal?"

She hesitated, her mouth opening and closing. "It just feels like the right thing to do."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means that it feels right!" she snapped, obviously growing angry now. "Is it so wrong for your girlfriend to want to meet the people that raised you?"

I scoffed. "I wasn't raised by my parents, Bella."

Shock crossed her face. "What?"

"Yeah, there's a lot you don't know."

"Then how about you tell me!"

"Not now."

Bella huffed and looked away, scowling. "You always do this, and I'm getting tired of it. You always tell me these cryptic little things about your life, but you never evaluate. Then you expect me to keep brushing it off and be patient, hoping that maybe one day you'll open up."

"I will open up. I promised you that I would, didn't I?"

"Yeah, and I feel like this is the kind of promise that can be fulfilled thirty years from now. I don't know if I'm willing to wait thirty years, Edward."

For a second it was like the walls had come crashing down on me as the air rushed out of my lungs and my head spun like I had just been sucker punched.

She was not doing this.

She couldn't be.

"No, no, that's not what I meant!" Bella said quickly. "Edward, that came out wrong."

I stared at her, unable to speak.

Bella reached for my limp hand and I let her take it; movement wasn't a possibility.

"That last part came out wrong; I'm not breaking up with you. I can't do that, I care about you too much. Edward?"

I was staring at this pale, brown eyed girl, not knowing what the expression on my face was for the third time that day. All I knew was that she had scared the living fuckwits out of me by saying that she wasn't willing to wait. For a split second I thought that she was telling me that she didn't want to be with me anymore.

For a split second she broke me.

"Edward," she said again, moving so that she was sitting right in front of me, mirroring my kneeling position. She took my face in her hands and I closed my eyes, reveling in her touch.

Briefly, but firmly, her lips were on mine and I could feel my whole body relax.

I sighed and rested my forehead against hers. "You can't do that to me." My voice sounded strangled.

"I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."

"Okay."

"Can you let me explain why I want to meet them so badly? Formally?"

I nodded my mouth still unable to form words.

Bella's forehead was still against mine as she took a deep breath, her breath fanning my face.

"I never knew . . . his parents. I never met his mother, or his father. I really don't know if he even lived with his parents. I knew nothing about him, nothing. I feel like meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend's family is so important. Even if they didn't raise you, they're a part of your life. Honestly, it scares me not to know them well. It really, truly does."

She had nothing to fear with my mother, but it was a completely different story when it came to my dad.

"Can you wait?" I whispered. "Please? Just wait a little while and I'll think about it."

She pulled away from me and I could see the disappointment in her eyes.

"I'm tired," she declared curtly.

She turned away from me and climbed under her covers, leaving me to stare dejectedly at her back.

Fuck my life to the deepest pits of Hell.

I had upset her.

I knew that I was pushing it with her. I was keeping her guessing about my past, and it wasn't fair to her. I was being a dick, and I knew it

I sighed and decided not to argue with her anymore, choosing to join her under the blankets. She was stubborn, but so was I. I didn't need to expose her to the shithole that was my family, with the exception of Rose of course. She didn't need to be subjected to our past, which I knew she would want to delve deep into. Bella had been all about the past lately; she felt like there was danger in not knowing peoples' backgrounds, and with good reason. I just felt that she shouldn't let her own past decide her future.

Little did she know that sometimes there was danger in knowing.

I pulled the blankets up and wrapped my arm around her waist.

She reached down and pushed my arm off; it flopped uselessly to my side.

I froze in surprise, rejection filling me.

After a few seconds of my feeling like shit, Bella sighed and reached back to pick my arm back up and wrap it around her once more. She held on to it this time.

I kissed her back, sort of like a silent "sorry", and closed my eyes, wishing away all the thoughts that would probably nag me for a long time.


When I woke up the next morning, I still felt like crap. I hadn't been able to fall asleep until about three in the morning, and now it was seven. I couldn't stay asleep because Bella wasn't lying next to me.

"Fuck," I muttered, my voice thick. I honestly hoped she wasn't still mad at me. I also wished that I wasn't so fucking fail at articulating why I couldn't tell her anything.

I dragged myself out of bed, still as knackered as I was the night before, but forced myself to find Bella.

I stopped at the top of the stairs and heard her soft voice drifting up, as well as Emmett's deep rumble. Once I was assured that she was okay, I turned for the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I threw on the white t-shirt from the day before, not bothering with the button up one.

I was surprised to see Emmett at the stove, flipping pancakes methodically, all his concentration on the flat cakes that rested on the spatula. Bella stood at the round table, working on what appeared to be a silver platter of some sort. Her back was to me as she dropped a few flowers from the bouquet I had given her into a little glass that substituted a vase. Next to the vase were a glass of orange juice and a plate of eggs and French toast.

"Something special going on?" I asked, getting their attention.

Bella glanced over her shoulder at me with a small smile and I returned it, relieved that she wasn't upset.

"You bet," Emmett said, answering my question. "Today is a big day."

I walked over to a chair at the table and plopped down, watching as Bella expertly sprinkled powdered sugar over the French toast.

"What's happening today?" I asked. "Who's the tray for?"

"My woman," Emmett replied.

I stared at him confusedly. "Shit, it isn't Rose's birthday, is it?"

Emmett guffawed. "Nah, not her birthday. That would be less nerve wracking." He let out a nervous laugh, something very unlike the usually confident Emmett, and I glanced at Bella to see if she knew what the fuck was up with him.

The second my eyes met hers, she bit her lip and looked away, her hand moving too swiftly as she accidentally knocked over the vase and the water in it.

"Shit," she hissed, and I was immediately on my feet, picking up the glass and grabbing a roll of paper towels that sat nearby. I handed them to her as I headed over to the sink to refill the makeshift vase.

As I held it out to her, she was still assaulting her lip with her teeth, her gazed focused away from me and on the spilt water she was cleaning up.

"Thanks," she mumbled, and her hands shook as she took the glass out of my hands.

"You okay?" I asked. She was acting nervous, and it was weird.

"Mmmhmm."

I stared at her and then turned to Emmett, but he was still concentrating on his pancakes.

"Bells, bring me an empty plate," he said. "She'll be waking up soon. I don't want her to come downstairs before anything's ready; I'd rather carry it all up myself."

Bella hurriedly complied, almost like she wanted to get away from me, and I watched her suspiciously as she rummaged around for a plate and handed it to Emmett, her teeth still holding on to her lips.

"What is going on?" I demanded once more. Both of them were acting all nervous and strange, and I wanted to be in on it.

Emmett took a deep breath as he dropped the pancakes onto the plate, handing it to Bella who walked over to place it on the tray.

He turned to me, his back straight and eyes bright. "Today, I get down on my knees and profess my undying love to Rosalie Cullen. I'm going to ask her to be my wifey. Forever and ever."

My jaw dropped as his words sunk in.

"What-you-what?" I stammered. "You're proposing?"

Emmett grinned and nodded, looking like an excited little boy.

I looked at Bella, who was smiling but still not looking at me, her entire concentration on putting raspberries on top of the now syrupy pancakes.

"You're kidding!" I said. "You're going to ask her to marry you?"

"That's what proposing is, bro!" Emmett cried happily. "I'm taking her sexy self up to the Space Needle in Seattle. Is that cool or what?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," I replied, still a bit in shock. "Wow. Isn't it too soon for shit like that? You two have only been going out for, what, a year?"

"Longer, and it's never too soon. Well, unless you're a hormonal teenager right out of high school or something like that. Seriously though, I love her more than anything and anyone. I know Rose believes in marriage, and she's already living with us, so why not? She's my one and only."

"Right, but what's the point of getting married if the pair of you are already living in the same house? You're practically husband and wife, why do you need a priest or judge to tell you that? Marriage is just a bunch of rubbish, if you ask me."

Emmett sighed. "You don't get it. Maybe one day you'll understand."

His eyes briefly shot to Bella before he turned back to the stove, and I glanced at her to see a frown on her lips and a wrinkle in between her brows.

Had I offended her?

"What's on your mind?" I asked softly, and she lifted a shoulder in a halfhearted shrug.

"You all right?" I prodded. She nodded once.

"Anything you want to talk about?" \

Brief shake of the head.

"Something upsetting you?"

Eyebrows furrowed, another shake of the head.

"You sure?"

Frustrated huff, fervent nod of the head.

I stared at her, trying to read her expression. Her cheeks were flushed, though I couldn't understand why, and her lower lip was a permanent prisoner to her teeth.

She looked anxious. Really, really anxious. It was freaking me the fuck out.

I made a mental note to talk to her the second we were alone.

"You done over there?" Emmett called to her, and she glanced at him over her shoulder, adding the final touches to the garnished pancakes.

"Yeah," she said. "Nearly."

Right, so she talks to him but not me. What the fuck is going on?

Bella walked the tray over to Emmett, who took it from her and set it on the counter next to the stove. He readjusted everything to his desire and then smiled, holding his hand up to Bella so she could high five him.

"This is going to be awesome!"

"Just curious," I said. "Where's the ring?"

Emmett winked. "Hidden someplace special. It all goes down tonight." He turned to the tray and picked it up. "I'd let her sleep, but all my hard work will get cold."

"See you kiddies later!" he called over his shoulder as he made his way to the stairs.

The second he was out of sight, I turned to Bella expectantly. She acted as though I wasn't there, instead choosing to busy herself with cleaning the already clean counters.

I let out an exasperated sigh, trying to keep my temper in check.

"Bella, what the fuck is going on?" I asked, the frustration clear in my voice. "Are you still pissed about last night, because-"

"I'm fine," she cut me off with a mumble.

"Bullshit. Look me in the eyes and tell me you're okay."

She remained silent, her back to me as she unnecessarily wiped at the shiny surfaces.

"Look, I didn't sleep well," she said."I've got a lot to do today . . ."

"Like what?"

Her hand froze and she remained silent before she started fidgeting with the rag in her hand. After a few seconds she turned around and chucked the rag in the bin with a distracted look on her face.

"Hey listen, I'm gonna go stop by the grocery store," she said hastily as she washed her hands. "We need some things."

"I'll go with you," I added, but the second those words left my mouth she was staring at me, her alabaster skin blanching as though she was going to puke.

"No, no!" she said hurriedly."It's okay; it's just a boring old trip to the grocery store, completely uninteresting, pretty tedious actually. Who wants to tag along with me to buy bread and milk and all that?"

She was rambling. She was rambling and twisting her fingers anxiously, and not looking me in the eyes.

Was it wrong of me to become suspicious of her?

I decided to play it cool.

I stepped forward and smiled lightly, running a finger slowly up and down the side of her face, from her temple to her jaw. She shivered under my touch.

"Bella, nothing I do with you can ever be boring," I said. "We could be watching paint dry and I'd be having the time of my life, just because I'd be with you."

Her bottom lip became victim to her teeth again and, being as perceptive as I was, I didn't miss the fleeting look of guilt that crossed her face.

Of course, I could have just demanded that she tell me why the fuck she was so jittery and anxious, but I doubted she'd tell me anything. She'd probably get all pissy like she had the night before.

And demanding things of Bella and ordering her around was not what I wanted to do. She had had enough assholes ordering her about like their little bitch.

"Really, Edward," she said, staring at my shoes. She removed my hand from her face. "It's okay. It's going to be a quick trip unless I end up stopping somewhere else. You should . . . shower or something."

I cocked and eyebrow at her. "Do I smell like shit?"

She shook her head, unsmiling, and turned away to wash her hands . . . again.

I sniffed my underarm for good measure and then decided that maybe a shower would be nice. It's not like a stunk or anything, but it would feel nice to just be clean.

"Fine, I'll shower for the sake of killing time. Anything else you want to do today? You know, anything together? Rose and Emmett will be out most of the day, being all romantic and shit, so . . ."

She shrugged and I almost snapped at her, literally biting my tongue to control myself.

She was getting really, really frustrating.

I decided that I needed to distance myself from her in order to gather my thoughts. Her actions and brief words were confusing the shit out of me.

I let out an exasperated breath and then walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. Might as well kiss her ass.

"I want to go with you," I mumbled into her shoulder. Her posture was unusually stiff. "We should give Emmett and Rose some alone time, anyway. I don't think I want to hear their noises all morning. I'm coming with you, okay? I miss you, even though you're right here."

I felt Bella relax and then she nodded. "Okay." Her voice was but a whisper.

I pulled away from her sadly and decided to go have that shower. Maybe it would help me clear my muddled thoughts.

I stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and turned around again."You should eat something. We didn't have dinner."

She nodded slowly and I sighed in resignation, heading upstairs.

Rose kept my towel in the linen closet. I might as well just move in to Bella's room, but there was no doubt that Emmett would pop a vein if I so much as mentioned the idea.

I briefly went into her bedroom to grab the button up shirt I wore the night before and rushed past Emmett and Rosalie's room. Unfortunately I didn't pass it quick enough, because I heard the unmistakable sound of "Oh God, Emmett!"

"Keep it the fuck down in there," I cried irritably, but I reckoned they were too preoccupied to even hear me.

I cursed to myself as I entered the bathroom, a part of me knowing that I was just bitter because I myself hadn't been laid in a while.

It wasn't my fault, really. It was a good thing that I was waiting. Most boyfriends would start acting like complete assholes to their girlfriends if she wasn't ready for sex.

As for me, I had patience. I didn't know where the fuck I had gotten it from, but I had it nonetheless.

I stripped off all my clothes and stepped into the shower, setting them aside since I'd end up wearing the same ones.

I let the hot water run over my face and let my thoughts run amok, waiting for them to settle themselves.

My mind kept showing me Bella's nervous face, her fidgeting fingers, and her furrowed brows. I knew she was anxious, but the question was why. I was completely baffled and I hated myself for thinking suspicious thoughts.

I stayed in the shower longer than I would have at home, not giving a fuck that I used up all the hot water. I climbed out, smelling like Bella's strawberry shampoo, and threw on the same clothes for the second time that day. I honestly needed to keep some clean clothing at this house, just in case. I mean, the date outfit wasn't dirty or anything, but it was irritating to wear the same shit over and over. I only wore these button up shirts when I absolutely had to, and now I was stuck with wearing it until I found myself going home.

I opened the bathroom door to let out all the steam and then padded back to Bella's room, throwing the towel in her hamper and trying to make my hair presentable. Of course it was a lost cause, so I left it how it was and went back downstairs after pulling my shoes and socks on.

Rosalie's happy voice drifted up the stairs and I headed back down to the kitchen to see Emmett attempting to wash dishes as his future wife shook her head in amusement.

Bella wasn't there.

"Edward!" Rose said, her face glowing in a disturbing I-just-got-fucked-first-thing-in-the-morning way. "There you are. Did you have breakfast?"

"No," I said distractedly, looking around for Bella. "Where's. . . ?" I trailed off, assuming they'd know who I was talking about.

"Where's what?" Emmett asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Obama. Who do you think mean? Bella!"

Emmett and Rosalie laughed loudly, and I stared at them. They looked extremely joyous, and though that was great, I didn't care to know that it was because they had just gotten busy in the bedroom.

"She went to the grocery store," Rose said, picking up a plate of freshly made pancakes. "Here. She also said you didn't have dinner? She ate before she left."

My shoulders slumped as I plopped down at the kitchen table, frowning. "How long ago did she leave?"

"I think it's been a while. She texted me about half an hour ago."

Shit, did I take that long in the shower?

And I told her I was going to go with her; why the fuck had she left without me?

My suspicions grew as I sat there chewing the pancakes, my stomach twisting with my own kind of anxiety. This was the first time in a long time that she had gone out without me.

I had only finished off one pancake when my eyes fell on the refrigerator door . . . and the grocery list that was stuck to it.

My mouth stopped chewing and I slowly lowered my fork.

Something was up.

I swallowed, feeling like I was swallowing rubber, and stared at the piece of paper on the fridge.

"If she went to buy groceries, why didn't she take the list?" I mused.

Rose and Emmett were in their own world; he was playfully flicking water at her and she was shielding herself with a pot lid.

And then it hit me.

Her weird questions last night, her evasiveness, anxiety, and guilt. She was scheming against me all this time.

I knew exactly where she was going.

I flew out of my seat and practically ran into the living room and towards the front door, all the while trying to fish my car keys from my back pocket.

"Where are you running to?" Rose called, coming into the living room.

"It's Sunday, Rose," I told her, my hand gripping the doorknob. I tried not to let the panic and anger seep into my voice.

"So?" she asked.

"Dad's home."

I slammed the door shut on her confused expression and almost tripped as I ran to my car.

I regretted not having my bike, knowing I'd be able to get to her faster if I did.

As I zoomed through the streets of Forks at an absurd speed, I tried not to think about what state I would find her in.