And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123
Bodyswap
"AAAAA!" Calvin screamed. "HELP! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A DOLL! CALL UNSOLVED MYSTERIES! CALL THE FBI! CALL OPERA WINFREY!"
It was then that Calvin picked up the sound of... laughing?
Calvin opened his eyes.
The doll was sitting motionless on the floor five feet away from Calvin, and a tiger was emerging from the basement laughing his head off.
"YOU!" Calvin screamed.
The tiger wiped a tear from his eye, and continued laughing.
The alleged tiger was not Hobbes as you might of suspected, but his good buddy Socrates.
Socrates lived next door with another kid. Calvin had never met him, but he knew enough about him to know he was some kind of lunatic.
Then, a boy that looked no taller than Calvin walked on.
Yup, it was Socrates' owner, Elliot.
He was wearing a blue jacket with a Nike logo on it. The jacket had a hood on it, and the hood was over his head, so Calvin couldn't see his face. He had his hands in the pocket of his jacket, and he was wearing blue jeans, and brown sneakers.
He didn't say a word, as he shuffled past Calvin, and sat down with Socrates at the back of the bus.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
By this time, Calvin and Hobbes, Andy and Sherman both had split up to do their own thing.
Calvin and Hobbes were off at the refreshments table Andy was wandering around, wondering what he could do before the day ended, Sherman was socializing with the party guests and Jack had walked off to himself with a bottle of Pepsi and a magazine.
Soon, Socrates returned with Elliot.
Elliot was wearing a very different attire from what he was wearing the last time Calvin and Hobbes saw him. He was wearing a white T-shirt and black shorts. He had a blue baseball cap on his head, covering his hair as well as a pair of sunglasses, which basically covered the features of his face.
In other words, he was still a total mystery. Especially wondering why the kid wore sunglasses in his own house.
"You don't remember me?" Socrates gasped, looking offended. "I was at that thing you went to that one time!"
There was a moment of silence.
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"More specifically, I'm the barbecue sauce guy." Socrates said, finally.
Don's eyes popped open with realization.
"You're Elliot's tiger?!" He demanded, backing away.
It was a lovely spring day in Calvin and Hobbes' neighborhood.
Calvin and Hobbes were in the backyard getting ready for an expedition.
Calvin was wearing a safari hat, hiking boots and was holding a map.
Hobbes was also wearing a safari hat, and he had a coil of rope hanging over his shoulder.
Behind them was the wagon, loaded to the brim with tools, including shovels, pickaxes, buckets and paper bags.
"So, are we all set?" Calvin asked.
"I should think so," Hobbes replied. "Our expedition has been meticulously well thought-out and prepared for."
"Excellent! Then let us be off! We have things to do! Places to be! Stuff to find and then leave in Mom and Dad's bed!"
"Quite so."
"Come along, Hobbes, before someone comes along and ruins this for us."
Saluting, Hobbes grabbed onto the wagon handle.
Calvin unraveled the map and read over his own childish scrawl.
"Alright!" he said. "According to this, we must head in through the entrance to the forest in a straight line for a hundred and fifty paces."
"One hundred and fifty paces? What for?"
"Well, I checked earlier, and after the first plain old fifty paces, we wouldn't even be in the forest at all."
"Huh."
"Come on!"
Calvin set off stoically into the woods, and Hobbes shrugged and followed on after him.
"It's days like these that make you question routine," he commented to himself.
And off they went, singing all the way.
Meanwhile, Socrates was experiencing a bit of a crisis at the mall with Andy and Sherman.
"Socrates, we've been for two hours," Andy complained. "We do have a life to get back to."
"Just help me look at a few more things," Socrates insisted, observing a giant stereo system.
"Okay, you take an object, stare at it, and then decide whether you want it or not. That helpful enough for you?" Sherman said loudly.
"Guys, this is getting serious! We've been in and out of ten stores and we still haven't found a decent enough gift to get for Elliot!"
"Hmmm," Andy said, pretending to be in deep thought. "Yes, that is an amazingly large conundrum. You know what might help?"
"What?"
"If we actually knew anything about him!"
Socrates suddenly seemed interested in a store across the hall.
"Ooh! Let's try in there!"
He sprinted out of the Radio Shack and entered a Victoria's Secret.
Andy and Sherman stared incredulously.
"He's not serious, is he?" Sherman asked, gulping.
"Look, we just go in, grab him and get out," Andy whispered. "Won't take more than a minute."
"If you say so."
Andy made sure the coast was relatively clear, and then he sprinted across the causeway towards Victoria's Secret.
"Can you see him?" Andy asked nervously.
"Not yet. Hurry up!" Sherman shrieked, covering his face with his paws.
Andy's head had never swiveled so fast. He looked all around for Socrates. He couldn't see him anywhere yet.
Then he saw him going through some of the underwear.
"Socrates!" Andy hissed.
Socrates held some of it up for them to see.
"How about a pair of novelty briefs?" he asked hopefully.
Andy stared at him in the purest of amazement.
"Socrates, is Elliot a girl?"
"No."
"Is he in his forties and in need of some reassurance that he's still attractive?"
"No."
"Then put it back!"
Socrates sighed and tossed the underwear aside, and Andy immediately started dragging him away from the store.
"Wait, where's Sherman?" Andy realized, looking around.
He saw Sherman was going through the underpants himself.
"Sherman!" Andy hissed.
Sherman whipped around in surprise.
"They weren't for me!" he yelped.
Andy rolled his eyes, grabbed him and dragged Socrates out of the store.
"Socrates, pick a different store! Preferably one that makes sense!"
Socrates looked around.
"Ooh! That one!" he cried, running down the causeway to the nearest store.
Spencer's Gifts.
"Oh great," Sherman sighed.
"Come on," Andy said, putting the hamster back on his shoulder.
They looked around for Socrates again.
"This is the coolest store on the planet!" Socrates exclaimed. "Look! Screaming Rubber Chickens!"
Socrates took a rubber chicken off the shelf and gave it a squeeze in the middle.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Andy and Sherman flinched.
Socrates tossed it aside and looked around some more.
"Come on! Maybe Elliot will like something from here!" he said, as his head swung back and forth eagerly.
Andy rolled his eyes and looked around.
"You know, Socrates, this would be a lot easier if we knew who Elliot was!" he said loudly.
Socrates pretended not to have heard and looked around the room enthusiastically.
"Ooh! Look! Black Light!"
Socrates stood under a Black Light bulb that was hanging over their heads. His white furry chest and stomach turned blue, as did the 19 on Andy's jersey and his shoes, and so did Sherman's white spot and stomach.
Andy read the description.
Trip-out any space with this 48-inch Blacklight fixture that blows out all whites and fluorescent colors making them glow-in-the-dark! Ideal for parties, theme events, or any fly crib.
"What do infants need with Black Light?" Sherman wondered.
"I don't think it means…," Andy began, but he decided to ignore him instead.
"What do you think?! Should we get it?"
"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE KID WANTS!" Sherman shouted.
"Socrates, why don't you just tell us –?"
"LOOK!" Socrates shouted, pointing.
"WHAT?!" Andy demanded.
Socrates paused for a moment before he looked around a bit more frantically and finally saw something.
"…Toys R Us!" he said at last.
And with that, he sped away.
"Finally," Sherman said. "A store a bit more likely to please a kid who we can assume is somewhere around seven years old."
"Really? I've only seen him from a distance, and he looked more like he was ten," Andy commented.
They followed Socrates over towards the toy store, and after a bit of wandering around, they found him looking eagerly at a Tickle-Me-Elmo.
"How about this? Do you think Elliot would like this?" he asked hopefully.
"Do you think he'd like the Must-Have toy of 1996?" Andy asked, raising his eyebrow.
"The toy that resulted in several hapless shop clerks being brutally beaten because they happened to be holding the thing at Christmas time?" added Sherman.
"Is that a yes?"
Andy and Sherman sighed.
"Socrates, just tell us what Elliot is like, okay?" Andy said.
Socrates suddenly pointed in another direction.
"Oh look! Waldenbooks!"
He was just about to run off in that direction when Andy grabbed his tail to stop him.
"No!" he yelled. "We're not doing this again! Just tell something about him! Just tell us one thing and we'll let the whole thing drop, alright?"
Socrates stopped trying to escape and looked down at them. Then he seemed to into really deep thought, indicating that he was trying to decide what he should say to them.
Andy and Sherman stood off to the side, waiting patiently for him to finish.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Socrates looked over at them.
"He has these really cool sunglasses…," he said at last.
Andy and Sherman stared at him, and then at each other.
"Okay, that's something we can go on," Andy said at last. "He takes pride in his appearance."
"So what does that mean? What do we get him?" Socrates asked him.
"We get him something he can wear," Sherman said. "Let's look for a local JC Penny and see what we can find."
Grinning excitedly, Socrates set off to find such a store.
Andy and Sherman hurried after.
In the deep woods that encircle Sneer Hill, Calvin was digging away frantically with a shovel. He was smothered with dirt and mud, and he had sweat pouring down his face, but he was still going at it, digging deeper and deeper into the earth.
Hobbes walked up holding a canteen.
"How's it coming?" he asked.
"Slowly," Calvin replied.
"Thirsty?"
"Thanks."
Hobbes handed him the canteen, and Calvin took a few swigs of water before he resumed digging.
"Just checking, but what exactly will we do when we finish up here?" Hobbes asked at last.
"Well, hopefully by the end of the day, we'll have made some major archaeological discovery. Hopefully something along the lines of some brand new dinosaur or caveman artifacts or something like that. After that, we'll write up our findings, and get them published in scientific journal. Then we'll win the Nobel Prize, get rich and go on those FOX shows just so we can call them Idiots Who Can't Live without the Bush Administration."
"Cool. What about babes? When do we get those?"
Before Calvin could answer, he felt his shovel hit something.
"Wait, I've got something!" he exclaimed.
"Don't break it! Dig carefully!" Hobbes cried, getting down on his knees and peering down into the hole.
Calvin got out a smaller shovel (his mom's gardening trough), and slowly began to unearth the object. His excitement grew.
"This is it, Hobbes! Academia, here we come!"
"Yes! A life of going from school to school, talking about how much better we are than everyone else!" Hobbes agreed.
Calvin finally found the object and pulled it out of the ground. It was small and rectangular.
"Gee, do you suppose its some sort of tool used by ancient man?" he asked, bewildered.
"Let's see!"
Calvin used a duster to remove some of the dirt. He examined it closely.
"Well?" Hobbes asked hopefully.
"It's… It's…"
"What?!"
"It's an old LP of Christmas with Arthur Godfrey and all the Little Godfreys."
Hobbes stared at it for a long moment.
It was an old cardboard cover with the worn LP still inside.
"Huh," he said, "well, maybe we'll still get some money for off eBay. I mean, come on, how many people even know who Arthur Godfrey was?"
"I suppose. And how many people know who he really was?"
And with that, he tossed it aside and got back to work.
"You know, I'm beginning to think that digging for ancient artifacts and getting rich in our own backyard isn't the best course of action," Hobbes sighed.
"You wanna call it a day too, huh?" Calvin sighed, looking up.
"Yeah, can you think of anything else we can do?"
Calvin pondered for a moment, and then he grinned.
Back at the mansion down the street, Andy and Sherman entered the main entry room to find Socrates looking around with a clipboard in his hand and a pen in his ear. He was surrounded by many cardboard boxes.
"What's all this?" asked Andy.
"Decorations, balloons, streamers and so on," Socrates replied, not looking up from the clipboard. "I only pray that's it's enough."
"I only pray we survive putting it all up," Sherman muttered.
"Alright, where do we start?" Andy asked.
Socrates began flipping through the clipboard's various sheets of paper.
"Okay, Elliot and his parents are out for the day, and they should be back within three to four hours," he said, looking at one of the papers.
"Are they out with Elliot for his birthday?" asked Andy.
"Yep-er-doodles!"
"Why aren't you with them instead of making us help you prepare an over-elaborate party?!" Sherman demanded.
"I told him I caught the swine flu and he let me stay home."
"Why would you want to stay home instead of go with him on his birthday?" Andy asked.
"Because I wanted to do something for him in my own special way. Got a problem with that?"
Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.
"Not really…," Andy said at last.
"Excellente! Let's get started! I had the good fortune of being able to find the decorations this time, so we've got that sorted."
"Uh-huh," Sherman said, looking up at the giant stack of decorations.
"First item of business is start filling the balloons. You two can get started on that while I go out."
"Excuse me?" Andy asked, staring at him incredulously.
"Relax, And-o, I'm just heading down the street to get Cally and Hobbo in on the job. Hopefully you'll have filled about eight hundred of those suckers by the time I get back. There's a tank of helium in one of these boxes and some string in the next one. Enjoy!"
And with that, he was out the door.
Andy and Sherman stared the boxes in bemusement before they both heaved twin sighs.
"Come on," Andy grumbled. "Let's get started."
"All this Good Samaritan stuff can't be good for us," Sherman complained.
As they started to open the boxes, Sherman looked out the window and saw some dark and ominous clouds in the sky. Their undersides flashed with lightning every once in awhile.
"Hmmm," he said, "that's odd."
"What is?" Andy asked, not looking out of the box he was rooting through.
"I don't recall there being any reports about an electrical storm today."
Socrates skipped and frolicked all the way over to the yellow two-story house just a couple houses down. As he hummed a little ditty to himself, he noticed something rather tall was sticking up into the sky. It was almost like a flagpole, but it was bent in several directions and was swaying slightly in the wind.
"Hmmm, intriguing," he said to himself, and he bounded away with his tiger agility.
He arrived in the backyard to find that the pole was in fact several golf clubs that had all been duct taped together to form what appeared to be a twenty foot pole. It swayed slightly in the wind, which was slightly picking up.
Socrates looked at it for a good bit for Calvin and Hobbes both came outside, and Calvin was carrying an unsharpened pencil (aka, Mini-Duplicator).
"Socrates," Calvin said, speaking to him, but not really acknowledging him.
"Guys!" Socrates exclaimed. "I don't mean to be an alarmist, but it would appear you have a golf club tree growing in your backyard!"
"Yes, I keep telling him to stop feeding it, but he absolutely insists," Hobbes said, grinning.
Calvin rolled his eyes and approached the pole.
"In all seriousness, what are you doing?" Socrates asked.
"I'm making an energy conductor for the Mini-Duplicator," Calvin replied. "Lately, this thing has really been up to full-power. Every time I try to make a duplicate of an object, the duplicate very rarely lives up to the quality of the original."
"You mean like the live-action Scooby Doo movies?"
"Precisely. Then I saw that an electric storm is brewing a bit further downtown. So I've taken all of my father's golf clubs and duct-taped them into this twenty foot pole. I'll hook the Mini-Duplicator up to the pole with copper wires that should jump-start it, and hopefully that'll bring it back up to speed."
"Ingenious," Socrates commented. "And where do you enter into all of this?"
Hobbes shrugged. "He promised tuna if all went well."
Socrates nodded, rolling his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Calvin asked.
"I wanted to know if you guys could help me decorate the mansion for Elliot's birthday."
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
"Decorating again?" Calvin asked.
"Are you kidding us with that?" Hobbes groaned.
"Come on! Andy and Sherman can't help me decorate it alone! Come on! It's for Elliot's birthday! Cake! Cookies! Popcorn! Pin the Tail on the Donkey! Karaoke! Little Cocktails Weenies on Toothpicks! How can you resist?!"
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"Oh, alright," Calvin sighed. "I guess I'd be kicking myself for weeks if I missed out on another of your little crazy parties. I'm in."
"Yeah, me too," Hobbes said with a shrug.
"Wonderful! This way!"
And Socrates bounded away, and Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes and took off after him.
They barely noticed the storm in the distance, flashing lightning and rolling thunder…
Later that day, Calvin and Hobbes found themselves holding onto a large yellow banner that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELLIOT!
"Okay, Socrates said he wanted this thing to go across the archway," Hobbes said. "We'll need to hang one end from the banister on the staircase."
"You get that end seen to. I'll take care of the other end," Calvin said.
Nodding, Hobbes took his end and ran up the stairs with it. Once he reached the top banister, he tied off the corner to it.
Calvin then grabbed the other corner of it. He pulled MTM out of his pocket.
"Okay, MTM, activate manipulator arms."
"Check."
MTM's long robotic arms protruded from his casing, with a pair of robotic hands on the ends.
Calvin set MTM down against the wall across from the banister, and then he sat in the hands' open palms.
"Okay, go up!" he exclaimed.
MTM's arms extended upwards and upwards.
Calvin raced up into the air towards the ceiling.
"Okay, stop!" he shouted.
The arms stopped extending, holding onto Calvin so he wouldn't fall.
"Okay a bit more to the left."
The arms turned in one direction.
"Up a bit more."
The arms extended a little bit.
"Okay, got it!"
Calvin pulled out staple gun and connected the banner to the wall.
"Okay, take me down."
The arms slowly lowered back down until Calvin was safely on the ground.
"Thanks, MTM," he said, getting down.
"No problem," MTM replied, but as he was putting his arms away, he muttered quietly, "Bowling Ball Butt."
"What was that?" Calvin asked, glaring sharply at him.
"Oh nothing."
Sniffing, Calvin picked him up and looked around the room.
Andy and Sherman had already finished with the balloons and were now leaving the rumpus rooms.
"Okay, stereo systems are set up," Andy announced.
"And there'd better not be any Manilow or Streisand played tonight. We want to keep this classy, don't we?" Sherman added, glaring pointedly at Socrates.
"Perish the thought," he replied.
"Is that just about everything?" Calvin asked, wiping dust from his hands.
"Well, let's see," Socrates said, looking through his clipboard. "Balloons?"
"Check," Andy replied, pointing at the hundreds of balloons in the ceiling.
Socrates drew a line through the word balloons.
"Banner?"
"Check," said Hobbes.
"Stereo?"
"Check," said Sherman.
"Food?"
"Check," said Calvin, pointing in the direction of the kitchen.
"Pin the Tail on the Donkey?"
"Check," said MTM.
"How about the gifts? We all brought gifts, right?"
"I got him a new shirt," said Andy.
"I got him that Black Light thing," said Sherman. "I thought it was interesting."
Socrates nodded and looked over at Calvin and Hobbes.
They looked at each other unsurely.
"Do you think Elliot enjoys Arthur Godfrey?" Hobbes asked.
"I doubt it," Calvin replied. "MTM, there must be something cool in your hypercube we can give him, right?"
"Hang about, I'll find something," MTM replied.
There was a pause.
"Okay, put your hand out."
Calvin did so.
BRZAP!
In a flash of blue, a pair of dark sunglasses landed in his hand.
"Hmmm…," Calvin said, looking them over. "What do you think, Socrates, do you think he'll like these?"
"That's lovely, yes," Socrates said, not looking up from his clipboard. "Be sure to wrap whatever it is."
Calvin stared at him, slightly annoyed, but complied.
While he was getting out some wrapping paper from MTM, Hobbes watched Socrates intently for a moment.
But Socrates didn't seem to notice. Instead, he looked up cheerfully.
"Well, I think we're all set! Anyone up for staying at the party?"
"Sure," Andy said. "I'm sure it'll be fun."
"I suppose I could spare some time," Sherman decided.
Calvin, however, was unsure.
"I dunno," he said, "I left behind my lightning rod and I really should make sure it's okay during the storm. And I still need to connect the Mini-Duplicator to it."
"Don't worry," MTM said. "I can teleport back over to the pole and keep an eye on it myself. Then I'll let you know when lightning is going to strike it. I can attach myself to it with my manipulator arms, and when the power surge strikes I'll transmit all the energy to a receiver, which I'll leave with you here. You can hook it up to the bits of wire in your pocket, and hook those up to the pencil, and then, hey presto, recharged Mini-Duplicator!"
Calvin stared MTM for a few minutes before he glanced over at Sherman for his own input.
"Huh," Sherman said. "Sounds good to me."
"Alright," Calvin said. "Let me know the very minute you hear something."
"Right on, dude."
BRZAP!
MTM disappeared in a flash, and in his place was a small electrical device.
"What's that?" asked Hobbes.
"Must be the receiver MTM mentioned," Calvin said, picking it up. "Yeah, it's got remote link on the back that MTM can transmit the power surge to, and two little prongs to tie the wires onto. Excellent."
And he put it in his Hypercube for later.
"Alright," Socrates said. "The guests should start arriving in a few minutes, so we'd better get ready!"
About thirty minutes later, everyone was gathered in the house.
The entire mansion was loaded to the brim with people, many of whom Calvin didn't even recognize.
"Socrates, who are all these people?" he asked.
"Hmm? Oh most of them are friends of the family, and some are some random people I passed on the street," Socrates replied, putting some candles into the cake.
Sherman was sitting on the windowsill for Elliot to arrive. He watched several cars pass the mansion until finally, one pulled into the drive. He took a good look through his night-vision goggles and saw a familiar sight. A boy was in the backseat. He was wearing a black hoodie, black pants and sunglasses. The car was coming to a stop in the driveway.
Sherman whipped around and scanned the crowd for Socrates, and saw him going over a few things on his clipboard.
"SOCRATES!" he shouted. "ELLIOT'S HERE!"
Socrates' head came up in surprise, and he checked his watch in befuddlement but shrugged it off.
"OKAY, EVERYONE!" he shouted. "YOU HEARD THE HAMSTER! LET'S MOVE IT!"
But nobody moved. Too many people were talking to be heard properly.
"HEY! BIRTHDAY BOY'S HERE!" Socrates shouted. "WE NEED TO HIDE!"
But still no one heard him.
Socrates grew frantic.
"Guys, we need to do something! Quick!"
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances before Calvin reached into his Hypercube and pulled out a bullhorn.
"Sherman! Sound Deflect the house!" he shouted.
Sherman nodded and pulled out a small handheld device and pointed it out the window.
The entire mansion flashed momentarily.
With everything safe so Elliot wouldn't hear them, Calvin put the bullhorn to his mouth.
"ATTENTION, PARTY-GOERS! ELLIOT IS APPROACHING THE PREMESIS! WE ALL NEED TO HIDE AND YELL 'SURPRISE'!"
Everyone suddenly went into frenzy and started trying to find a place to hide.
Socrates nodded his appreciation to Calvin and immediately dove behind a table.
Sherman removed the Sound Deflectors and hid behind a curtain.
Andy joined some people in hiding in a walk-in closet.
Calvin and Hobbes hid with some other people under the stairs.
Soon, the entire room was empty, and everyone was grunting and grumbling and complaining about B/O.
Only the soft sounds of distant thunder were enough to pull anyone back to reality.
Finally, after what seemed like two eternities, the front double doors creaked open.
Calvin pulled out a mirror and held it in front of his face and then tilted it to get a look at Elliot.
Sunglasses, black hoodie, black pants and a pair of white sneakers.
Suddenly, everyone emerged from their hiding places.
"SURPRISE!"
Calvin tried to go a little closer to speak to Elliot, but he was suddenly pushed aside by a cavalcade of family and friends of his, and was suddenly in the back of the crowd, unable to see him properly.
"Darn it," he muttered.
"Still trying to meet the ever elusive Elliot, aren't you?" Hobbes sighed, coming up behind him.
"I'll just wait until later when he's by himself," Calvin decided. "Come on. Let's try to enjoy the party."
Back at the house, MTM was seated on Calvin's windowsill, overlooking the status of the electric storm and the golf clubs.
Lighting was flashing everywhere, and thunder rumbled loudly.
MTM then seemed to notice something was coming.
"Oop!" he said. "Time for connecting, methinks."
His long metallic manipulator arms reached out of their casing, and he managed to grab onto the end of the metal golf clubs.
Then he extended an antenna out of his rear.
"Best get Calvin on the horn," he decided, and he dialed a number.
Calvin was still trying to keep up with Elliot and find him. He was absolutely determined to catch him this time and say something to him.
However, the storm's loud thunder, combined with the music, was making his cries hard to hear. He tried to attract Elliot's attention, but each time he got a little closer, he'd disappear and he'd have to start all over again.
Then Socrates came over holding a phone while dancing the Lambada.
"Hey, Calvin," he said, "MTM's calling you."
Relieved to have a distraction, Calvin grabbed the phone and spoke into it, allowing Socrates to go dancing off into the crowd again.
"MTM, you're going to have to speak up! I can't really hear you!"
"Calvin, my sensors indicate lightning is about to strike the pole in about sixty seconds. You need to get a rush on now!"
"Right, I'll get right to it!"
Calvin tossed the phone aside and looked around.
"HOBBES? ANDY? SHERMAN? I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING!!"
But he couldn't see them anywhere, and they clearly couldn't hear him.
The only one he saw was Socrates, who was dancing away like a mad fool.
Sighing to himself, Calvin hurried over and grabbed him away and yanked in the direction of the kitchen, which was empty at the moment.
"Hey, I was getting jiggy wit' it!" Socrates complained.
Calvin pulled out all the equipment he could find in his Hypercube.
"Look, I can't find anyone else. MTM says lightning is striking any second now, and we need to be ready. Now help me set up!"
Socrates rolled his eyes and cleared a few items off the counter and unplugged the toaster. Then he took the receiver and plugged it in.
Calvin managed to locate the two wires and pulled them out.
"Here, you tie one on and I'll tie on the other."
Socrates nodded and they began attaching the wires.
Then Calvin pulled out the Mini-Duplicator.
"Okay, start tying it on!"
They worked as fast as they could.
As Calvin tied his end, he checked his watch.
"Fifteen seconds to go! We're gonna make it!"
MTM, however, realized something rather disturbing.
"Oh wait," he said. "I didn't carry the three."
CRACK!
BOOM!
MTM was taken by surprise when a sudden bolt of lightning shot down out of the sky and zapped the pole. The golf clubs lit up in a flurry of bright energy. It all flowed down into the manipulator arms and into MTM's transmitter. The antenna lit up and he transmitted the electricity all the way to the mansion.
"Oh dear…," MTM mumbled. "I'm in for an earful."
All the way at the mansion, Calvin and Socrates were just about done.
"Okay, nearly there," Calvin said. "Just ten more seconds…"
"Can we hurry this up?" Socrates grumbled. "I'm missing out on Pin the Tail on the—"
KAZAP!
"AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!" they screamed.
Calvin and Socrates were still holding onto the wires, and they both found themselves being lifted up into the air, enveloped in bright in electricity.
Finally, it all ran out, and they both landed in a heap on the floor.
As his eyes fluttered shut, Calvin's last known thought was: Owie.
"Hello? Hello? You OK down there?"
Calvin's eyes fluttered open.
Hobbes was staring down at him.
Calvin blinked.
The last thing he remembered was being electrocuted by the equipment in front of him and thinking about how loud he was going to scream at the MTM when he got back home.
"I'm fine. Where am I?" He asked, looking around. Oddly, his voice seemed a bit deeper than usual.
"Elliot's birthday party," Hobbes said. "Remember?"
"Oh right..." Calvin squinted his eyes. "How long was I out?"
"I don't know, I just came in to get some more punch," Hobbes shrugged.
"Did my plan work?" Calvin asked, sitting up. Was it him or did it seem a bit warmer?
Hobbes stared at him.
"What plan?" He asked.
"My electrical recharging plan?" Calvin repeated.
Hobbes stared.
"Erm, I don't know. Now if you would hold that thought, I need to wake Calvin up," He said, turning around.
Calvin paused for a moment.
"Socrates," He said.
Hobbes looked up.
"What?" He asked.
"Wake Socrates up?" Calvin asked.
Hobbes stared.
"I just did," He said.
"No, you woke me up." Calvin said.
"Right, now I need to wake up Calvin." Hobbes said.
"You just did wake up Calvin!!" Calvin yelled.
"No, I didn't, he's lying right there!" Hobbes yelled pointing at the ground.
"No! He's sitting right here!" Calvin yelled.
"No, you're sitting right there!" Hobbes yelled.
"I know!" Calvin yelled.
"Then what's the problem?" Hobbes demanded.
"Don't wake Socrates up!" Calvin spat.
"I already did!" Hobbes wailed.
"No, you didn't! You woke me up!" Calvin yelled.
"I know I woke you up! Now, I'm waking Calvin up!" Hobbes groaned.
"That's not Calvin!" Calvin spat.
"Sure looks like Calvin to me!" Hobbes grumbled.
Calvin spun around and glared at the floor.
His eyes burst open.
His own body was lying on the floor, seemingly lifeless.
Calvin paused for a long moment.
"Hobbes?"
"Yes?"
"I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm experiencing some kind of out-of-body experience!" Calvin said, slowly.
"Again?" Hobbes sighed.
"Don't get smart with me!" Calvin spat. "Quickly now, because we don't have much time. How is it you're able to communicate with spirits that have departed from their physical being?"
Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.
"What are you talking about, Socrates?" He demanded.
"Hurry, Hobbes! Time is of the ess..." He paused. "What did you just call me?"
Hobbes stared at Calvin.
"Socrates. That's your name isn't it?" Hobbes said, slowly.
Calvin paused for a long moment, looking back and forth from his body then back to Hobbes.
Then he looked down at himself. He was suddenly orange and white and covered with black stripes. He also seemed to have a tail with red stripes.
Silence filled the land.
Calvin looked back up.
"Hobbes, I'm going to have to ask you to go away, now." He said, slowly.
"Shouldn't I wake up..."
"I'll do it," Calvin said, walking over to Hobbes and gently nudging him towards the door.
"Socrates, are you OK?" Hobbes asked.
"Oh, I'm fantastic," Calvin said. "Now, if you wouldn't mind getting lost, I can proceed with all the proper procedures.
And with that, Calvin pushed Hobbes out the kitchen door, and it swung shut.
He spun back around to his body.
"GET UP, YOU LAZY MORON!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
Calvin's body suddenly roared to life, as he leaped from his position, and tried to leap on the counter. Unsuccessfully.
"Oh god!" he yelled, frantically. "That electric shock cut off at least five feet from my height!"
"Socrates!" Calvin spat.
Socrates turned and stared at Calvin.
"Oh, hi me!" He grinned, evidentially not shocked at what he was looking at.
Calvin glared at the tiger.
"Socrates, do yo notice something amiss?" He asked, calmly.
Socrates paused.
"Uuh... I'm not out there dancing right now?"
Calvin's expression darkened.
"Or maybe it's because you're in my body and I'm in yours," Socrates shrugged.
Calvin sighed.
"Socrates, may I ask you a personal question?" He said, walking over to him.
"Shoot!" Socrates grinned.
"Have you ever gotten the feeling that you might just be going insane?"
There was a moment of silence.
"Well," Socrates began.
"Well, it's too late because it's already happened!" Calvin interrupted. "Now, perhaps we can get to the elephant in the room?"
Socrates looked around.
Then his eyes lit up.
"OH! Right! You mean the fact that we've switched bodies!" He grinned.
Calvin's eyes squeezed shut.
Meanwhile, outside at the party, Andy was making an attempt to socialize.
"So, you collect dead animals you find on the side of the road?" He asked, casually, sipping on his punch.
"Raccoons are a rare find, but occasionally you'll see them," Said the guy he was talking to. His hair was all mussed up and he apparently had not showered in several days.
"Hmm," Andy considered. "Well you have fun with that,"
And with that, the boy did his best to disappear into the crowd.
Finally, he found Sherman over by the punch bowl.
"Man, these people are creepy," Andy shivered. "You know one of them thinks everyone here at the party are robot aliens, and we need to build another robot to stop them,"
"Yeah, he's at all of Socrates' parties," Sherman said. "He's still going on about that, huh?"
"Yeah, except now he thinks I'm robot, and he's just divulged top secret information to the enemy."
"Huh," Sherman said. "Where is he now?"
"Hiding in the bathroom," Andy said.
"That sounds about right. Anyway, where is the little lunatic who invited all these freaks?" Sherman asked, looking around.
"I don't know," Andy said. "I haven't seen him or Calvin for about twenty minutes, now."
At that moment, Andy noticed something a bit off. At that moment, he got real stiff.
Sherman looked up.
"What?" He asked.
"We have a plot development stirring." Andy whispered.
Sherman looked around.
There was someone walking towards them.
He was wearing a black hoody, and his face was covered by shadow.
He walked up to the punch bowl, and got a cup.
"Hi," He said, in a hoarse voice.
"Hi there," Andy said, trying to sound causal, but doing a very poor job of it.
"You must be Andy. Socrates has told me a lot about you." The boy said.
"Really?" Andy asked.
"No, actually, he's talked more about the hamster." The boy said, pouring some punch into his cup.
"Oh, why not?" Sherman grumbled.
"I'm Elliot, by the way," The boy said, holding a hand out in greeting.
"Pleasure to meet you," Andy said, taking Elliot's hand. He had an unusually tight grip. "Happy birthday."
"Thanks, dude," Elliot said, making the peace sign and walking away.
Andy and Sherman watched him go.
There was a pause.
"Well," Sherman said. "That was weird. Shall we go find Calvin and share the gossip?"
"Lets," Andy nodded, picking Sherman up, and walking off in the other direction.
"OK, so let's recap," Socrates said. "You tried to charge the MTM up and we accidentally switched bodies, doing so."
"I was charging up the mini duplicator." Calvin grumbled.
"OK, so ignoring now how that's even possible, let's consider what we should do, now." Socrates said, sitting down.
"Well, we can't tell anybody it's happened!" Calvin said, looking outside.
"How come?" Socrates asked.
"Oh, you know these people! Half of them won't even believe us, and what, might I ask, is the other half going to do?"
"Well, Sherman might have a..."
"No! We don't tell anybody!" Calvin spat, holding his paw up in protest.
Socrates shrugged.
"Whatever," He said. "So what do we do?"
"We're going to have to play it by ear and see what happens," Calvin said. "Come on, let's go back into the party and act natural,"
"I can go with that," Socrates grinned, rushing out the door back into the crowd.
Calvin watched him go.
"Oh god, I just set that thing lose with my body," He groaned.
Socrates went prancing through the crowd, dancing like a loon to the music, as people gave him odd looks.
At that moment Andy and Sherman walked up.
"Jambo, Andrew!" Socrates shouted. "How goes life?"
"Eh, OK," Andy shrugged. "You're in a good mood,"
"Indeed I am!" Socrates grinned. "Life has never been weirder!"
Andy rolled his eyes.
"Anyway, you might find this interesting. We just met Elliot." Sherman said.
Socrates stopped dancing.
"You.. You did?" He asked, slowly.
"Yep. And as we all suspected, he's a bit of an oddball," Andy said.
Socrates paused.
"What did he say?" He asked.
"He said Socrates has spent a lot of time talking about us," Sherman said.
Socrates thought for a moment.
"Huh," He said finally. "Well, are you going to tell Socrates?"
"I don't know, he gets kinda weird whenever we bring up Elliot," Andy said, causing Socrates to grin with satisfaction. "I'm not sure how he'll react,"
"Oh, I'm sure he won't care!" Socrates grinned. "Why don't you go tell him, right now? In fact, there he is, over there!"
Socrates pointed across the room to where Calvin was currently tripping over his tail, trying to get used to it.
Andy and Sherman stared.
"Alright," Andy sighed, walking over to him.
Socrates grinned, and walked after them.
"WHAT?!?!" Calvin screamed. "WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT, FOR?!?"
Andy and Sherman reeled back, shocked at his outburst.
"Well, he just..." Sherman began.
"You mean to tell me that you met him before I did?!?" Calvin shouted. "How fair is that?!"
"You've never met Elliot?" Sherman asked, his brow furrowing. "He's your owner."
Calvin paused.
"Oh. Right," He said, remembering. "Of course I've met Elliot. I meant Calvin. How fair is it that you met him before Calvin?"
Andy and Sherman exchanged glance.
"Uh.. I don't know." Andy said.
"Well, let this be a lesson to you! The next time some kind of mystery person walks up to you, come get me!"
Andy and Sherman stared.
"You mean Calvin?" Andy asked.
"Of course I mean Calvin!" Calvin spat. "Who do you think I'm talking about?!"
Andy and Sherman began backing away.
"Alright, we'll do that, Socrates," Andy said, turning around. There, he and Sherman encountered Socrates' insane grin plastered all over Calvin's face.
Andy and Sherman stared.
"Are you OK?" Sherman asked.
"Never better!" Socrates grinned. "Life just got a little bit weirder!"
Andy and Sherman backed away, and disappeared into the crowd.
"Should we be concerned about that?" Andy asked.
"I'm sure they'll end up sorting it out, whatever it is," Sherman said. "Let's go get some more food,"
The party progressed.
Soon guests began leaving the mansion, and soon, it was just down to four people. Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman.
Elliot had gone up to his bedroom, and had left Socrates and Calvin were off to themselves talking while Hobbes, Andy and Sherman collected the remains off the snacks table.
"Alright, I'm going to have to send you home with Hobbes," Calvin whispered, looking over his shoulder to make sure nobody could hear him. "Just do my usual routine, and everything will be fine until I find out what to do,"
"Sure," Socrates said, not even pretending to whisper. "I'll just go ahead and pretend to know what your routine is,"
"Good," Calvin, said, evidently not listening to him. "Now, I need to know how you interact with Elliot so he doesn't get suspicious of our situation."
"Uh huh," Socrates grinned.
There was a moment of silence.
Calvin stared at him.
"So...." Calvin started. "How do you interact with him?"
Socrates blinked.
"Oh, you need to know now?" He asked.
Calvin's expression darkened.
"No, I need to know tomorrow. Of course I need to know now!!" He spat.
Socrates shrugged.
"Well, I would go ahead and improvise." He said. "He usually stays in his bedroom and plays the guitar, so I wouldn't worry about it."
"Alright, and where are this kid's parents through all this?" Calvin demanded.
"Florida film festival," Socrates grinned.
"That sounds about right," Calvin grumbled. "So I don't need to worry about them?"
"Nope, not this episode," Socrates said, his attention wandering.
"Calvin?" Hobbes called. "Are you ready to go?"
"YEP-ER-DOODLES!!" Socrates called, holding a hand out in greeting.
Calvin pulled his arm down.
"Don't say that when you're in my body," He said, seriously.
Socrates simply grinned.
"Well," Andy said, as he, Sherman and Hobbes walked up. "It was quite an interesting party, Socrates. Thanks for inviting us,"
Calvin cut his eyes from side to side.
"Oh. Yeah, sure." He said, quickly.
"Are you sure you're OK?" Hobbes asked. "You've been acting a bit off since I woke you up."
Calvin stared.
"Hobbes, I am shocked and astupored that you would think something is off!" He said, crossing his arms.
"astupored isn't a word," Sherman said.
"It is now," Calvin spat.
Sherman rolled his eyes.
After Calvin finally got everybody out of the mansion and silently threatened Socrates not to do anything stupid with his physical being, he got to the next plan of action: Meet Elliot. The boy had been a mystery since Socrates was first introduced in 2005, and after only a few scattered sightings here and there since then, it was finally time to unveil that mystery.
Exciting, huh?
Calvin started up the stairs towards Elliot's bedroom.
All the times he had been to Socrates' place, the door had always been closed. It was never searched when Calvin and the gang were looking for the ghost and so Calvin didn't even know what it looked like inside.
Calvin stared at the door for a long moment. Interestingly enough, it looked like any other door in the Socrates' household.
Finally, he clapped his hands together, and said, "Well, onwards sails the boat," and marched up the door, opened it, and walked into Elliot's bedroom.
"Well, overall the party was a complete a total success!" Socrates grinned, as he and Hobbes walked down the sidewalk towards the house.
Hobbes looked at him unsurely.
"Uh... Yeah, I guess," He said.
"That Socrates sure is cool, isn't he?!" Socrates asked, turning his usual half-crazed expression onto Hobbes.
Hobbes paused.
"I... I guess." He said.
"I mean, a tiger that amazing should be king of the universe!" Socrates announced.
Hobbes glared at him.
"Of course, you'd be the emperor of the universe," Socrates added.
"Calvin, how hard did you hit your head on the floor, when you passed out?" Hobbes asked.
"That's an incredibly hard question to answer, because I'm not entirely sure which head you're talking about," Socrates said.
"What are you talking about?"
"Well did you want to know how hard Calvin hit his head or how hard Socrates hit his head?" Socrates asked.
"I asked you," Hobbes said.
"Yes, well, life is odd," Socrates said. "You might have been asking about him,"
"Who?" Hobbes asked.
"Calvin," Socrates said.
"You are Calvin," Hobbes said, impatiently.
"Right. I meant to say Socrates," Socrates said.
Hobbes sighed.
"Well," He sighed. "I guess this is OK. We haven't had you go stock-ravingly insane for a while, now."
He and Socrates walked into the house.
Mom and Dad were waiting.
"Where were you?" Dad asked, crossing his arms. "You've been gone for hours!"
"Partyin'," Socrates grinned.
Mom and Dad stared at him. They really had not expected to hear that response until he was in his late teens.
"Well, it's half an hour past you're bedtime, so let's go," Mom said, taking Socrates' hand and leading him away.
"Wait! I usually don't go to bed until around three!" Socrates called.
Mom lead Socrates into the bedroom, and lifted him into bed. Hobbes followed shortly behind.
"They have laws against this!" Socrates protested. "I could have you reported to the FCC!!"
Mom rolled her eyes.
"Goodnight, Calvin," She said, tucking the boy in and walking over to the door.
"Wait!" Socrates called.
Mom stopped. "Yes?" She asked.
"You need to set my usual musical lullabies going! I can't fall asleep without Metallica in the background!"
"Goodnight, Calvin," Mom said, turning the light out, and walking out of the room.
Socrates looked around.
"Not even any Evanescence?" He demanded. "What kind of place is this?!"
Hobbes sighed, and climbed into bed.
"You're not going to be complaining all night, are you?" He yawned.
"I may just!" Socrates said. "What the heck am I supposed to listen to, tonight?"
"I don't know," Hobbes groaned, pulling the covers over his head. "Ask MTM to generate some white noise."
Socrates looked across the room, where the MTM was sitting silently.
"Eh, too much trouble," He said. "See tomorrow, ol' buddy!"
"Mm" Hobbes said, from under the covers.
And with that, Socrates dove underneath the covers, and almost instantly fell asleep.
Uh huh.
Elliot's bedroom was completely insane. There were posters of rock stars all over the place, a couple of them autographed. The walls were painted a dark blue, and the bookcases that weren't filled with CDs were filled with fantasy novels such as Harry Potter, Eragon, Series of Unfortunate Events, and so on and so forth.
And there, sitting on the bed with his jet black mp3 player was Elliot. No one could have seen this coming: The boy was goth. He had messy black hair, a sharp nose but with otherwise roundish features. He was wearing a black T-shirt that read "Out Of My Mind: Please Leave A Message", and black shorts. He looked up and stared at Calvin.
"Oh, hey, Socrates." He said, in that same hoarse voice, switching his player off. "Great party. I really appreciate it."
Calvin was still trying to take in everything that he was looking at.
"Uuh... Thanks," He said, his brow furrowing.
Elliot stared at him.
"You OK?" He asked, studying Socrates' posture.
"Oh, I'm fine," Calvin said. "So, did you have fun?"
"Oh, yeah, tons," Elliot said, stretching a kink of his neck. "I went and talked to that kid with the hamster."
Calvin entered the bedroom.
"Is that a fact?" He asked.
"Yep," He nodded. "Interesting fellow. Kind of an oddball."
"Didn't get to talk to the others huh?" Calvin asked, looking around the bedroom.
Elliot shook his head.
"Who, Calvin and Hobbes? No. I tried walking up to Calvin a couple times, but he kept disappearing into the crowd whenever I did so."
There was a long moment of silence.
Calvin stared at Elliot for a long throbbing moment.
Elliot stared back.
"What?" He asked.
"Was this before or after you went and talked to Andy?" Calvin asked, finally.
Elliot blinked.
"Uh... I don't know... before." He shrugged.
"Darn it," Calvin growled under his breath.
"So, what did you do, the time there besides dance like a lunatic?" Elliot asked, turning back to his Ipod and browsing through his songs.
Calvin paused.
"Well..." He started. "I used the electrical discharge from the thunderstorm to build the reproductive properties in a friend's invention,"
Elliot stared.
"I don't get you," He said, finally.
Calvin blinked.
"Well, on the one hand, now you're a year older!" He grinned. "How old are you, now? Seven?"
"Thirty four," Elliot said, looking up.
There was a pause.
Elliot chuckled.
"We've been over this a few times, now, Socrates. I'm twelve." He said.
Calvin chuckled, and pointed.
"Ah! I get it! Humor!"
Elliot stared at him.
"Are you sure you're OK?" He asked.
"I'm great!" Socrates grinned. "Anyway, I must be going to bed."
Elliot checked his watch.
"It's only nine-thirty," He said. "You're going kinda early."
"Yes, well, I need to get up early, tomorrow." Calvin said.
"Why? You usually sleep until like ten in the morning," Elliot said.
"Well, not tomorrow. Goodnight, Elliot!" Calvin said, making his way for the door.
Elliot waved, and put his headphones back his ears.
Calvin left the bedroom, and headed off towards Socrates'.
All the time he had an expression of disgust on his face.
"Stupid Andy, meeting him before I do.... Go through all that trouble... Can't believe it... not fair..." He muttered under his breath, walking into the room, and closing the door behind him.
The next morning, was absolute hell for Socrates.
"CALVIN! GET UP, RIGHT NOW!!!" Mom called from downstairs. "IF YOU AREN'T UP IN FIVE MINUTES, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TIME FOR BREAKFAST!!!"
"That gives me a good four more minutes of sleep," Socrates groaned, pulling the pillow over his head.
"You might as well just get up." Hobbes said. "The sooner you get down there, the sooner I'll get back to sleep."
"Oh well, I'm sorry to have disturbed your slumber," Socrates grumbled.
After finally sliding out bed, Socrates crawled across the floor towards the dresser, and then climbed inside.
Several drawers opened and closed slightly, before Socrates finally fell out of the top drawer, fully clothed and ready to take on Calvin's day. Well, sort of.
Socrates then proceeded to crawl across the floor towards the door, almost falling back asleep a couple of times, and finally made it to the staircase.
He then pulled his way down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen.
Mom and Dad watched all this unfold.
"This is new," Dad said.
"Calvin, get up," Mom sighed.
Socrates groaned, and slithered into his seat at the table.
His head then collapsed onto the table, and he immediately fell back asleep.
"Calvin!" Mom yelled, sternly.
"Urgle Muddle!" Socrates yelled, his head shooting up.
Mom rolled her eyes and got Calvin's cereal out.
"So, how'd you sleep last night, Calvin?" Dad asked.
"I think I just got cerebral palsy," Socrates said, looking at his right arm.
Mom rolled her eyes and set some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs in from of him.
"What's this form of torture?" Socrates demanded.
"It's your breakfast. Hurry up and eat it, because you need to get outside." Mom said.
Socrates held up a trembling hand and took hold of his spoon.
He took a small spoonful, and held it up to his mouth.
A couple minutes later, Socrates had just finished his third bowl and seemingly fatal fatigue had miraculously vanished.
"NO I NEED MORE!" Socrates wailed, as Mom pushed him out the door, where the school bus was waiting. "MORE!! MORE!! I'LL DIE WITHOUT MORE!!!"
Mom shoved Socrates into the school bus, and trudged back into the house.
Socrates sat there at the bottom of the steps, trembling slightly.
"Come on, kid, I have other people to pick up," The bus driver moaned.
"Are you a good driver?" Socrates demanded.
"Yes," The driver said, rolling his eyes.
"Because I'm seeing a lot of news coverage about bus drivers who are constantly running over little kids and going off the sides of bridges! I personally think they're all evil!" Socrates announced.
"Go sit down," The driver grumbled.
Socrates looked at the driver suspiciously, but then went and sat down.
For a while, he sat alone, but it wasn't long before Susie took it upon herself to sit next to him.
"Hi, Calvin," She smiled, taking off her backpack and setting it on her lap.
Socrates looked at her suspiciously.
"Jambo," He said, simply.
Susie stared at him.
"What?" She asked.
"Jambo," Socrates said, again, grinning.
"What's that mean?" Susie asked.
Socrates looked shocked.
"You mean to say that I've never used the word Jambo, before?" He said, seemingly horrified.
"What does it mean?" Susie sighed.
"Jambo is Swahili for 'hello' and adventurese for 'I'm glad our paths have crossed'! How is it, I've never used that word, before?!"
"I don't know," Susie shrugged.
"I mean seriously, it's probably one of the best words ever invented by man's throat!"
"Calvin,"
"I'm definitely going to have to speak to myself about this injustice.
"Calvin, it's just a word," Susie sighed.
Socrates stared at Susie in shock.
"Just a word. Just a word?! Do you know what you have just said?!" He yelled.
"I'm going to go sit somewhere else," Susie grumbled, standing up and walking away.
Socrates watched her go.
"OK! See ya later!" He grinned, waving after her.
Meanwhile, Calvin was already up, and already enjoying the fact that he didn't have to go to school. He was currently sitting on the couch in the living room, watching cartoons.
Elliot had since left for school, and left Calvin alone. And his plans for the day were watch TV and eat candy. Maybe give a thought or two about how to get back into his own body.
There really isn't much left to cover. That was his entire day.
It wasn't long before Elliot came back from school, and found Calvin sitting on the couch next to several empty Oreo packages.
"Socrates!" Elliot shouted. "You ate all that?!"
"Yep," Calvin groaned, holding his stomach.
Elliot stared at him in disbelief.
"You ate five packages of Oeros in one sitting? Do you know how much I paid for those?"
"I just know how much I'm paying for it," Calvin moaned, sinking deeper into the couch, and holding his stomach in pain.
Elliot groaned.
"You're unbelievable." He sighed, walking over and taking the empty packages. "Did anything come in the mail?"
"Didn't check," Calvin grumbled.
Elliot stared at him.
"And you're just going to assume that freak next door who has that unhealthy stamp obsession didn't go steal it like he always does?"
"Yep," Calvin said.
Elliot sighed, and walked off into the kitchen to throw the Oreo packages away.
"So how was your day in prison?" Calvin asked, staring after him.
"Fine," Elliot said, walking back inside. "Got a lot of homework to do, though."
Calvin's heart sank.
"Well, don't be thinking I'm going to be doing it!" He shouted. "I'm on a day off!"
Elliot stared at Calvin.
"What makes you think I want you to do it?" He asked.
Calvin paused.
"Oh. You don't?" He asked.
"No," Elliot said, shaking his head.
There was a moment of silence.
"Well," Calvin said, turning back to the TV. "I'm glad we cleared that up. You have fun."
Elliot rolled his eyes and headed up to his bedroom.
As he closed the door behind him, he belched, and sank deeper into the couch, moaning.
Earlier that day, Socrates had just arrived at Calvin's school, and was attempting to carry on Calvin's usual routine.
This proved to be more trouble than it was really worth.
Socrates walked down the hallway, trying to figure out which locker was his own.
Eventually, he decided to look for Susie and ask her. Although seeing how this particular elementary school had like two thousand kids in it, this also proved to be more trouble than it was worth.
As Socrates fought his way through the mass of kids, he came across the last person he needed to see at that moment: Moe.
Moe advanced over Socrates, and held out his hand.
"Alright, twerp, it's gonna cost you twenty five cents to be my friend today."
Socrates paused.
"My, friends are getting expensive these days," He grinned.
"Give me the money, Twinky."
"Ya know, I've never really got that nickname," Socrates said. "It doesn't really fit me at all. I don't even really like twinkies."
There was a pause.
"How did you come up with name, anyway?" He asked.
Moe stuck his nose into Socrates' face.
"Give me the money," He growled.
Socrates studied Moe up and down as if sizing him up.
"What would happen if I didn't give you any money?" He asked.
Moe did a punch into his palm.
"Then the janitor will have to carry you to the hospital in a match box." He threatened.
Socrates paused for a moment.
"I see, I see," He considered.
He looked around several times at all the doors and the clock hanging on the wall.
Finally, he took out a quarter and handed it to Moe.
"Here you are, my friend," He grinned.
Moe smirked.
"Smart move, twit," He said, turning to walk away.
"Well you know, it wasn't a very difficult decision to make," Socrates said. "I immediately had to take into consideration that your current financial situation must be incredibly dire if you're fishing twenty five cents off of classmates."
Moe stopped.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he growled, turning around.
"Oh, well just the fact that you really got the pity vote working for ya," Socrates said. "I must admit I couldn't have worked it better myself."
"Are you saying I'm broke?" Moe demanded, storming up to Socrates.
"Broke? Wouldn't say that all." Socrates said, shaking his head. "You have twenty five cents, now. Saying you were broke would be a little untrue. I'll just carry on with my usual ten dollar a day allowance back home."
"Why you...." Moe growled, holding a fist up.
BRRRIIIIIIIING!!
At that moment the bell went off and kids started heading into their respective classrooms. Like sheep, I might add.
Moe stopped.
"I'm going to get you at recess, Twinky," He hissed, storming away.
Socrates simply grinned.
"Again with that name," He said. "I must say, it seems a little odd and out of place."
Moe trudged off to his classroom, growling words not suitable for a K plus rated story.
Socrates smiled, knowingly, and walked off towards his own classroom, taking his sweet time.
Calvin, meanwhile, was completely conked out sound asleep in Socrates' bedroom. He was enjoying having a bed to himself for once, and he enjoyed the extra-spacious room. He snored lightly, enjoying the soft comfy pillows.
But then his head jerked up in shock.
"GAH!" he gasped. "I just had the most terrifying dream! I dreamt I was completely out of food! Thank goodness it was just a…"
Calvin trailed off when he saw what the room looked like.
Empty cartons of milk and orange juice were tossed everywhere. Empty packages of cookies and empty bags of potato chips were strewn all over the place. Empty soda cans were lying empty all over the room.
"Whew…," he said, looking around. "Look at all the dead soldiers."
Then a light came on in his head.
"Wait a minute… I am out of food! And unless I miss my guess, I'm probably going to have to clean this up!"
Then he heard Elliot's voice from downstairs.
"Socrates! What'd you do with all the snacks?!"
Calvin gulped.
"Okay, I've had my fun! Now I've got to find a way to switch Socrates and me back!"
And with that, Calvin threw open the window and proceeded to climb down the gutter.
"Oof," he muttered. "I think maybe I shouldn't have had that after-dinner mint!"
Recess came rather quickly, as it seem to do when something vaguely important is going to happen.
Moe and his usual gang of thugs were stalking around the playground looking for Calvin. However, Socrates was already preparing for their arrival.
"There he is," Moe growled, pointing towards the swing set.
"What's he doing with those blueprints?" One of Moe's buddies asked.
"Who cares?" Moe grumbled. "Let's just go get him."
And with that, the three goons started moving in towards Socrates.
Socrates was sitting in a swing, studying the blueprints in his hands. He rubbed his chin in deep thought, as three long, dark shadows loomed over him.
Socrates looked up.
He stared at Moe and his gang for a few seconds.
"Oh, hi," He grinned. "Lovely day, huh?"
"You're not going to be thinking that for very long," Moe growled, grabbing Calvin's shirt, and yanking him out of the swing.
"Wait, Moe! Wait!" Socrates said, holding his hands out as Moe raised his fist. "Before you hit me, let me just ask you a quick question!"
Moe paused.
"What?" He grunted.
"Does it seem at all odd to you that I would say something like that in the school hallway, that would clearly offend you and cause you to decide you need to beat me up when there aren't authorities watching? Why would I say that, if I wasn't mind-ninjaing you into coming to a remote part of the school, where I have a plan?"
Moe and his gang exchanged knowing grins and chuckles.
"What could you possibly have planned?" He demanded.
"Look up," Socrates said, pointing up.
Moe and the other two kids, who don't seem to have names now that I think about it, turned their gazes skyward.
There was a giant net hanging in the tree right above them. And contained in this net were several water balloons that were clearly filled with something white.
Of course, it was mayonnaise. Socrates' favorite condiment.
"Funny how you didn't notice that when you walked up," Socrates said. And without a moment to spare, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a pocket knife, which he in turn flung at the trunk of the tree.
With precise aim, the tiger managed to strike the rope that was holding the water balloons in the air.
TWANG!!!
Just as it was planned, Moe dropped Socrates in shock, as the net fell downwards towards them, giving Socrates enough time to slip out from underneath it.
SPLAT!!!
There was a long moment of silence.
Moe and his goons sat in a giant puddle of mayonnaise, glaring straight ahead.
Socrates watched from the swing set.
"Can I have my quarter back?" He asked, finally, walking up to Moe, and holding his hand out.
Moe looked ready to kill Socrates, but decided to hold back, not knowing what else was hidden around them.
"Here!" He spat, shoving the coin into Socrates' hand.
"Hey! Thanks!" Socrates grinned. "I'll look at this as a free soda!"
And with that, he pranced away, leaving three bullies to try and regain their composure.
Later that day after school, Socrates walked up to the soda machine, and slipped the quarter in.
Humming a tune to himself, he pushed some buttons on it, and collected his drink from the bottom of the machine.
He then took a long sip from it, and turned around and walk back towards the school.
However, instead, he walked right into a tall white tower of fuzz.
Socrates looked up.
Calvin was glaring down at him with his arms crossed.
"Spending my money now are you?!?" He growled.
"Actually, I got this from your old friend, Moe." Socrates said, grinning.
Calvin stared at the tiger for a long moment.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," He said. "Now, I think it's time we start figuring out how to get back into our own bodies."
"Lovely suggestion!" Socrates grinned. "I vote we go see Sherman and...."
"NO!" Calvin spat. "We're not telling them! We have to stick to the confines of my own technology!"
"Meaning what?" Socrates asked.
"The MTM must have something we can use," Calvin said, taking a step back. "We'll go home and ask him."
"Does the MTM have anything that can switch minds?" Socrates asked.
"Why not?" Calvin shrugged. "He has everything else."
"No, I can't do that," MTM said, later on back at the house, sounding as if he was rolling his eyes.
"WHAT?!" Calvin asked, his eyes bulging. "Well what am I supposed to do?! I can't live my life as Socrates!"
"Well," MTM considered. "I thought I heard Sherman was inventing something along the lines of psychic transference."
"WE CAN'T TELL SHERMAN!!" Calvin screamed.
"Tell Sherman what?" Hobbes asked, walking into the bedroom with a comic book.
"NOTHING!!!" Calvin screamed, whipping around. "NOTHING IS WRONG!!!"
Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.
"Are you OK, Socrates?" He asked.
"I'm good!" Socrates called from the bed.
Hobbes turned and stared at Socrates.
"I wasn't talking to you," Hobbes said, sighing.
"Yeah, you were," Socrates said, his brow furrowing.
"NO HE WASN'T!!" Calvin screamed. "HE WAS TALKING TO ME!!!"
"Alright, I need to know what the heck is wrong with you two lunatics," Hobbes groaned. "Why are you acting like complete opposites, all of a sudden?"
Calvin cut his eyes from side to side.
"We're... we're not acting like complete opposites!" He said, finally deciding to calm down. What makes you think we are?"
"Yeah," MTM added. "Judging by their brainwaves, they're both only unable to remember anything that's happened to them and they're have the other person's memories,"
"MTM!!" Calvin shouted.
"That was a confusing phrase," Socrates said. "Because I still have all of my memories."
"Yes, but implying the fact that no one knows that you're in this state, and when you strip it all down, the basic definition is that you haven't switched minds. You've switched memories,"
Socrates considered that.
"Please explain," He said, tapping his chin.
"Yeah, what are you talking about?" Hobbes demanded.
"Well, the blast of electricty that knocked you out at Elliot's birthday party, left you both with automatic amnesia." MTM explained. "But since you both were wired up at the time of the blast, your memories were temporarily stored in the wiring before finally heading back into your minds. Except, they went into the wrong bodies. And so what has happened is that you have lost your original memories and you've gained the memories of the other person. And since a high percentage of people's personalities come from their life experiences, that's why you act each other."
There was a pause.
Socrates thought about that.
"So, I'm not me?" He asked.
"Yes, you are you," MTM sighed. "You're just in Calvin's body,"
This whole time, Hobbes had been staring at Calvin, Socrates and the MTM like they had all lost their minds. It wasn't until that last phrase that his eyes popped open with realization.
"You switched minds?" He asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Calvin didn't want me to," Socrates said, turning to Hobbes.
"Why not?" Hobbes demanded.
"Because I don't want people to know I'm Socrates, now," Calvin grumbled.
Hobbes, Socrates and the MTM all rolled their eyes.
"Well, we better go see Sherman," Hobbes sighed.
Calvin groaned.
"Why is everybody going on about Sherman?" He complained. "It's bad enough you and the MTM know, now! Why do we have to drag the hamster into this?"
"Do you want to get back into your own body or not?" Hobbes asked, crossing his arms.
Calvin paused.
"Let's go see Sherman," He grumbled.
"Good," Hobbes said.
And with that, Calvin picked the MTM up, and they all headed off towards Andy's.
"You switched minds in the electrical storm?" Sherman asked. "Why didn't you tell me, sooner? I have a machine that can switch you back!"
"Oh, shut up," Calvin grumbled, sinking to Sherman's lab chair.
A bit later, after all the comedy had sorted through, Calvin and Socrates were both laying down on steel tables in the middle of the lab, wired up to Sherman's giant computer. They also had metal helmets on their heads.
Andy and Hobbes were standing watch over the procedure, while Sherman sat at his computer typing.
"Alright," Sherman said. "In about thirty seconds you're going to go into a sedative state while your memories are switched back. The whole process should take about five minutes,"
"Goody!" Socrates grinned. "And you're sure you'll get all of them?"
Sherman stared at him.
"Pretty sure," He said, finally.
"Oh boy!" Socrates grinned.
"I better not get back into my body to find you injured part of it or something!" Calvin threatened.
"Right, because I'm sure you noticed all of the debilitating injuries on my own body," Socrates said.
Calvin grumbled and turned away.
There was a pause.
"We only get five minutes without them?" Hobbes asked, turning to Sherman.
"HEY!" Calvin and Socrates yelled in unison.
Sherman rolled his eyes as the machine switched on and Calvin and Socrates were immediately knocked unconscious.
Calvin's eyes fluttered open.
He looked around the room surrounding him. He was in Sherman's lab.
It took him a few seconds to remember what had happened to him. After a quick surveillance of the area, he saw right off the bat that Socrates was gone.
Quickly, he looked down at his own body. Relief flooded his mind as he saw a red striped T-shirt and black pants.
Calvin sat up and looked around.
No one was around.
He pulled the wires off his arm, took the helmet off his head, and stepped onto the ground.
"Hobbes?" He asked, looking around. "Sherman? Andy?"
At that moment, Hobbes came down into the lab.
"Ah! You're up!" He grinned.
Calvin stared at him.
"Yes, I'm up!" He growled. "You mean to tell me you switched our minds back, woke Socrates up, and then just left?"
"No, Socrates woke up on his own," Hobbes said. "You didn't wake up for another seven minutes it looks like,"
Calvin's eyes burst open.
"And you weren't the least bit concerned about that?!"
"No, because Sherman said you still had a pulse."
"THAT DOESN'T MEAN A DARN THING!!!"
"You better come on upstairs," Hobbes said, deciding it was time to change the subject. "We have a visitor,"
Calvin glared at Hobbes, grumbled and then followed him up the stairs.
Would you like to take a wild guess at who was visiting Andy? Mr Mystery himself.
Elliot was sitting on Andy's couch, drinking a cup of Kool-Aid. He was wearing his usual black Nike hoody, but this time with the head down and without sunglasses, so he didn't look like Brittany Spears going to the grocery store.
He looked up from his conversation from Andy, Sherman and Socrates as Calvin and Hobbes walked out of the lab.
"Hey there," He said, holding a hand out in greeting. "You must be Calvin,"
Calvin stared at Elliot in disbelief.
There was a long moment of silence.
"What?" Elliot asked.
"So, let me get this straight," Calvin sighed. "You come here and meet Andy, Sherman and Hobbes before I can properly meet you?"
Elliot paused.
"Erm... I guess so,"
"Well, why not?" He grumbled.
"Well," Elliot said, patting Calvin on the back as he sat down. "The bright side is that I've heard a lot about you!"
"You have?" Calvin asked.
"Oh, sure," Elliot nodded. "You're pretty much all Socrates talks about. But since I never really ever saw you before, I was beginning to doubt you even existed."
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"Yes well," Socrates sighed. "I have to admit I'm entirely devastated, now that you guys have met,"
Calvin glared at Socrates.
"Yeah, why is that?" He demanded. "Ever since we first asked to meet Elliot back when we met you, you kept putting it off, changing the subject, and basically did everything in your power to even keep us from knowing the kid's name."
"Well, it's either because he's ashamed of his owner or he took some kind of weird joy out of watching you guys wonder about me," Elliot yawned.
There was a pause.
Socrates scanned the group.
Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman's eyes had all blanked out, as they thought about what Elliot said.
Suddenly, it became quite clear why the tiger didn't want them meeting Elliot. It was yet another nutcase game of his that had managed to stretch out over a four year period.
"Wow, you know him well," Andy said.
Elliot shrugged.
"I live with him," He said.
"Well, that's one less thing you can hang over our heads, now," Calvin grinned, turning to Socrates.
The tiger shrugged.
"Not to worry," Socrates said. "I have a backup plan."
Everyone stared at him.
"What backup plan?" Elliot asked.
"His brother!" Socrates yelled, his fist going to the sky. "You guys didn't even know about him! He ought to keep me occupied for another four years."
"Elliot has a brother?" Andy asked. "What's his name?"
"I'll tell you in two years," Socrates said.
Everyone heaved a deep sigh.
"Well," Elliot said, standing up. "I must be off. Socrates has quite a mess to clean up when he gets home."
"I got a what?" Socrates asked, looking up.
"Wait a minute!" Calvin yelled, quickly changing the subject. "I still have a question I need to ask you!"
Elliot paused.
"What?" He asked.
"Why do you wear sunglasses and a hoody in your own house?" He demanded.
"It makes me look cool," Elliot said.
There was a long moment of silence.
"Oh," Calvin said, finally.
"He's Socrates' owner, alright," Hobbes whispered under his breath.
And so, after Calvin and the gang said their goodbyes to Elliot and Socrates, and expressed great joy at finally figuring out who this kid was, the tiger and boy headed off towards their mansion down the street.
Calvin and the gang watched them depart.
"Well," Calvin said, turning to Andy and Sherman. "We finally met Elliot."
"Yep," Sherman said, crossing his arms. "And I must say, he's quite a...."
There was a short pause.
"...An interesting character" He said, finally.
Everyone nodded in agreement.
"Wasn't entirely what I expected, though," Hobbes admitted. "When I first met Socrates, I pictured Elliot to be a half-crazy lunatic like him."
"Well, in his own special little way, I have a feeling he is," Calvin said.
Andy shrugged.
"Well, I guess this wraps up yet another chapter in the Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman legacy,"
"Yeah, I guess so," Hobbes said. "We'll see you later now, Andy."
"Alright," Andy said. "See you later, Calvin, Hobbes,"
"See you later, Andy," Calvin and Hobbes grinned, as the two walked away towards their own house.
Andy sighed.
"Well, the mystery is over," He said, as he walked into the house, closing the door behind him.
"Well, on the one hand, now we have Elliot's brother to wonder about," Sherman shrugged.
Meanwhile, across the street, a dark figure was standing by a tree watching this whole scene unfold.
He had a white lab coat on and a rather ridiculous hairstyle upon his head. Before you jump to the conclusion of Dr Brainstorm, may I point out, he had a golden "H" tattooed on his forehead.
Holographic Retro stood at the tree glaring at the door with utter disgust and hatred.
"I can't believe it." He growled. "If that red tiger hadn't have been there, Calvin's memories would've been vaporized out of existence and I would have completed my goal."
He growled and looked skyward.
"Every plan so far has failed since the Imaginator." He moaned. "I took out their electricity for a week, I charged Electro back up to kill them in their house, I attacked them when the Platonians invaded Annkor and now this! Nothing is working!!"
Retro slammed his fist into the tree trunk next to him in frustration.
"I'm sick of playing these games with him," He growled, staring towards Calvin and Hobbes' house. "I'm through trying to be subtle about it! It's time I resorted to drastic measures."
Retro turned and started walking the other direction.
"This is my last failed plan," He growled as he disappeared into the darkness. "It's time to resort to the big one,"
To Be Continued...
Voice work
Pamela Segal Adlon Calvin
Tom Hanks Hobbes
Ryan Stiles Socrats
Andrew Lawrence Andy
Colin Mochrie Sherman
Norman Lovett MTM
Dakota Fanning Susie
Elisabeth Daly Moe
Jennifer Love Hewitt Mom
Bill Murray Dad
Josh Hutcherson Elliot
Kurtwood Smith Holographic Retro
Dee Bradly Baker Various
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