Worlds Apart
Part 28
By Mieren
/\/\/\/\/\
Putting out the fire that was Orochimaru turned out to be a mistake. Duo now had stink bomb all over his riding jacket and Naruto had informed him that he wasn't getting back on the bike if he wore that 'nasty-ass' thing. The brunette fully agreed since he didn't want to put it back on either. He ended up wearing the blanket he had packed like a toga to protect him from road debris and wind chill.
Every few hours, Duo would pull over and shoot the two captured sound-nin with more darts. The teenagers were both infinitely amused to find that with his tongue developed into a massive fighting weapon, the snake ninja drooled like nobody's business. They found that they couldn't stop for a rest, not because their tent was dead, but because if they slowed down, the smell of their passengers caught up with them. Duo didn't speed through Konoha like he had the other village, much to the irritation of the residents that were nearly run down in the little town, but once back in Leaf the villagers scattered all the same. Noses were held and shops were closed (with people in them) as the motorcycle and its four occupants passed by. Duo decided that maybe he had gone a little too far with the stink bomb.
Tsunade, rather unwillingly, greeted them in front of the Hokage tower and very nearly passed out from the odor when they came to a full stop in front of her. She almost fainted again when the pair each grabbed a smelly passenger and hefted them to her feet.
"Oh God! Put it back where you got it!" she managed, the stench hitting her all over again when the two criminals landed at her feet. "Were they already dead when you found them?"
"No, and they're both still very much alive," Duo said, his voice sounding a little mechanical through his heavy-duty gas mask. Tsunade jerked a bit at that fact.
Very unwillingly to touch him at all, she kicked Orochimaru in the side, flipping him over enough to view properly. Holding her breath and squinting past watering eyes, the Hokage leaned in to peer closer at the pale face. His tongue was lolling out, eyes open and rolled all the way back in his head, and his burnt face covered in drool and stink bomb, but the man was breathing. How he was breathing, she didn't know, but he was.
"What on earth did you do to him?" she managed around her pinched-shut nose.
Both teenagers laughing hysterically around their helmets, which they refused to take off for fear of losing their gas masks, told her. They took turns, switching off every time one was gasping too hard to relate the story any further. As the tale progressed, some of the braver shinobi braved the stench to hear the cackling pair.
Shaking her head disbelievingly, Tsunade called for some ANBU guards to take the two away and lock them up. They flat out refused. She tried ordering them, she tried bribing them, she tried threatening them with physical violence, she even tried demoting them back to academy status, but they would not do it. That was, until Naruto calmly suggested paint balling the houses of anyone who refused with the goop they had used. A few of the men looked ready to up and move if that happened. Duo had then gleefully added that he'd pop them as well for good measure. They finally capitulated. Apparently, Duo's stink bombs from hell were scarier than the Hokage and two S-class criminals combined.
Kakashi still refused to come out of Iruka's closet.
/\/\/\/\/\
Duo sat drumming his fingers on a pillow in a hotel room that Tsunade had provided him. He had been ordered under threat of castration to take a bath. Afterwards he had cracked out his (Heero's) laptop and resumed his search for Itachi, beginning with where he had last fought the red-eyed man. He fanned out his search from there, trying to figure out how much distance a ninja could cover before he decided that the elder Uchiha could be anywhere.
As far as he could tell, the twerp had just dropped off the face of the planet.
Either that or someone had already killed and buried him in the cold, cold ground.
Duo went still. Underground. The moron had gone underground! He altered the parameters of his thermal scan to move ten feet at a time through the earth's crust until he located an alternate heat source. Ten… twenty… thirty… Sighing, Duo flopped back on the bed, thinking he was mistaken in his earthworm theory. The laptop beeped. Duo promptly fell off the bed, scrambling up to stare at the screen.
"Houston, we have contact," he breathed.
/\/\/\/\/\
"Why won't you take me this time?" Naruto pouted.
"Because this time it's more dangerous and I'm not going to be playing with them," Duo muttered half to himself, switching on something that built up to a high-pitched whine.
"Are you bringing him back alive?" Sasuke demanded to know for the umpteenth time.
"For the last time, I will if I can!" Duo snapped. He reached for a delicately padded case with gentle hands. If he had to use that, no one would be coming back. Naruto slammed his hand down on the unchecked weapon, crashing the case into the ground. Duo yelped and ducked into a fetal position, even knowing that no posture could save him if that went off. Seeing the braided madman flinch away, everyone moved away from the padded box.
"Duo Maxwell, what's in there?" Tsunade hissed, her face deathly pale. The brunette breathed something as he stared wide-eyed at his weapon, seemingly disbelieving that it hadn't gone off. "What was that?"
"Nuclear warhead," he repeated, louder.
"And why did you bring it if it was so dangerous?" she all but shrieked.
"Because I was supposed to have a Gundam to fire it from!"
The Hokage pulled back a little. "What exactly is the blast radius of this thing?"
"At least ten miles."
"Then how did you plan to escape?" Naruto asked uncertainly. Duo just let loose an unsteady breath and let his head fall backwards briefly. He closed his eyes.
"Why do you think you're not going?"
There was utter silence as Duo rechecked everything before gently lowering the case into a backpack and strapping it to himself before getting on his bike, trembling fingers pulling his helmet into place. Sky blue eyes narrowed suspiciously, but the blond chuunin remained silent as the trembling brunette turned the key to start up his motorcycle, slowly and gently traversing the streets to leave Konoha for what looked like the last time.
Like hell is he leaving me behind! Naruto thought angrily.
Are you insane? After what he just said?
That motorcycle is the bumpiest thing this side of a paint shaker. He's bluffing. There's nothing in that case.
True to what Naruto thought, Duo was grinning like mad under the cover of his helmet. He had gotten away with it. If Orochimaru had an informant, there was absolutely no doubt that Akatsuki did as well. He had managed to fool the Hokage and the one person who wanted Itachi more than anything, so he should have it made.
And the Oscar goes to…
Someone else. Naruto was following him.
A bit irately, he slowed to a stop, glaring death at the blond from behind his visor. Unfortunately, they'd spent too much time together and the chuunin had detected his lie. Duo was about to beat him upside the head for blowing his cover when the blond spoke again.
"I don't care about the bust rust thing…"
"Blast radius," Duo automatically corrected.
"But I would die to protect Konoha!" For a moment, the braided pilot just stared down at the glittering blue eyes, free to smirk since he at least had a helmet.
"Naruto…" Tsunade said.
"Dobe…"
"I told you that if anything happened to him I would kill you!"
"You wouldn't have to," Duo said morbidly. He swiveled the padded case around to rest against his chest so that Naruto could mount behind him, the blond pulling on his helmet he had brought along in the stubborn insistence that he go too. "Not even Shinigami can save me if this goes off."
And you were giving me a hard time for hamming it up! Shinigami protested, laughing.
Can I help it if the man scares easily? Naturally that was entirely unfitting of the elder Uchiha, but it was fun to taunt him.
Naruto spoke up through the helmet-com. "So really, what's in there?"
"Flash grenade," Duo called back. "Have your blinder ready if I open this thing."
"Like the last one?"
"Nope. Makes the last one look like a nightlight," he chuckled. "Oh, and cover all your skin if I set this off. It will make our little tan from the first one look like nothing."
"Any more stink bombs?"
"Of course. Underground without ventilation? Are you kidding me?"
Duo glanced back to his mirrors, pleased to see that Konoha was happily out of view and his informant probably long gone. He opened the throttle, returning to heart-popping speeds on the dirt road.
Not this again! Kyuubi protested.
"How far are we going this time?" Naruto asked.
"About a five days north."
"Please tell me you got a larger tent!"
"Same size, actually. It has to fit on the bike. But I did get more blankets." He laughed aloud when Naruto just groaned.
/\/\/\/\/\
To Be Continued…
I honestly am typing this from day to day, despite my horrid schedule (five hours on site, an hour driving each way, four to six hours of class a day and two to three reports or presentations per day). I know I'm a review hog, but review anyways! I like it and it spurs me to write!
