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"Kim, Kim look at me" The shrill cry of the little girl made my heart sink, watching her jump around in the cold water made my heart sink even further. I had spent so many days just sat on this old driftwood covered beach watching Bailey do those things, jump over waves too big for her little legs and get soaking wet but it wasn't Bailey I could watch anymore it was Claire. I offered her a small smile in return as I watched her jump over various breaking waves with Rachel, her tiny little body wobbling and falling over every couple of seconds.
"How is she?" Emily asked quietly from beside me and I looked across at her, she was clutching onto a can of soda for me and I took it before sipping small sips, it was warm. It had been out in this mild sun for a good two hours now but I carried on slurping anyway. I had got back from visiting Bailey an hour ago and Jared brought me straight here to spend some time with Emily and Rachel while he did a short patrol. It was 5pm and the sun was starting to go down but it was still fairly warm out, a cold breeze swept in from the ocean but nothing unbearable. I had spent the day with Bailey, watching her chase the bunnies around the big yard of the family home that still stirred jealousy in me.
I shrugged at Emily's question as I tried finding an answer that didn't portray the jealousy or hurt I felt. The truth was that she was fine; she was getting on fine in that place. She had put on weight so that she actually looked her age, she had clean and new clothes, she didn't get picked on at school and she had a huge back yard with climbing frames and pets. It was everything a girl her age wanted and everything she had never had.
"She's doing great" I smiled but it turned out as a grimace, I was terrible at hiding my feelings.
"I'm sure she misses home Kim, this is her home not there" It was the same thing Jared kept telling me but no matter how many times I heard it my worries didn't go away, I could see how nice that place was, if I were Bailey I wouldn't want to come back to this place. "Kim, don't let this get you down, you've been so strong so far you just need to graduate and support your dad and then it will be fine" She smiled kindly at me, encouragingly. She was always so positive and upbeat, it was sickening to see when I felt so low and so crap but at the same time she was being a good friend so I needed her support.
"And try not to get killed by whatever monster is stalking me and try to do a months worth of work in a week, and try to not fall head over heels for" I stopped myself and slurped on my drink again, I wasn't going to mention that. But it was too late, Emily already squealed.
"You are falling for him?" She squeaked and jumped in her cross legged position. I looked over at Rachel, she was watching us with confusion but didn't move from where she was sat fully clothed in the water with Claire, that woman just did not care, she was soaking wet and in good clothes. "We will deal with the stalking monster in a minute, but I want to hear all about how you feel for Jared" Emily turned so she had a full on view of me and I groaned a little, I was never one for having girl friends so I had no idea how to do girl talk. I didn't even know how I felt for Jared I just knew things were changing between us.
"He's my friend"
"And" She pushed, her cheeks rising higher as her smile grew.
"Well, I don't know I mean, I like him a lot"
"As in friends or as in your heart goes like this when you see him?" Her hand started thumping against her chest hard and fast and my cheeks blushed giving me away, that is exactly what my heart does when I see him. "So you're crushing on him, finally. I actually thought you guys were going to take forever, I mean he imprinted like over two months ago and nothing" She clicked her fingers before settling herself back down, she got over excited sometimes. "Sorry, I'll stop" She zipped her lips together and sat with her hands folded in her lap just staring at me waiting for me to go on.
What did I say? He makes me blush? He makes my stomach go funny? When he kisses my head he makes me go shivery and the time he actually kissed me I felt like I was floating and when he said the words "sorry, friends" it killed me. How do I say all that without sounding like an idiot?
"You don't need to explain" Rachel's voice cut through my thoughts and I looked up at the woman standing over me, her face in a set grin as she sat herself down on the picnic blanket beside Emily. "I do not need to hear what you are talking about when you have that look on your face. I went through it all too remember, and Emily did. We know exactly how it feels; we just felt it sooner than you did"
I felt myself drop at her words but Emily quickly patted my leg.
"Not that it's a bad thing, you and Jared aren't any different you just have stuff going on. But when you start feeling it, it feels amazing" Her smile was dreamy, lovesick. I looked like that. She held a glow to her but still, she looked like a lovesick puppy.
"I'm not sure about amazing" I mumbled not expecting them to hear me but they both snapped their attention back and looked questioningly at me. "I mean, it does but it doesn't at the same time. I'm not used to things like this, I do really like him and I want to see what happens but I have all this other drama, I just don't know" It had been bothering me recently, the closer I got with Jared the further I wanted to run. I was more than used to loving someone and them being taken from you, I had dealt with it my whole life. If I fell for Jared then there was a chance something would happen to him, I am cursed.
"And he will support you through all of that other drama, like he has been doing. Jared wouldn't ever rush things with you, he will be what you need him to be whether it friend or boyfriend. But don't hold back because of the other things happening in your life, you're having a rough time, Jared may be the best thing for you" Emily leant forward, her motherly voice coming into play as she spoke. I knew she was right, Jared would do anything for me I knew that but it made it no easier.
"He will take your mind off the other problems and at the same time support you through them, Paul does it for me all the time and Sam for Emily, they may be clueless men but they are good clueless men" Rachel added in and I nodded taking it all in.
"What else is it?" Emily arched an eyebrow at me, her eyes telling me she could see everything I was thinking and I sighed, I had to get used to girl talk.
The other thing that was bothering me kept me up at night, Jared soothed me to sleep but when he wasn't there this other problem haunted me. Leah's words. She had apologised since but it didn't mean the words were erased, they still lingered and hurt me. I still had a vampire after me, and there was still a chance that vampire was my own sister or the one who took her. My two friends in front of me were staring waiting for an answer but I couldn't five them that one, I never talked about the Sophie things with anyone but Jared, or Leah if she brought it up in a bitchy mood. I couldn't do it.
"Kim?" Emily pushed and I clocked out of my trance, they were staring at me like I was crazy and I realised I had gripped my soda can so tightly it was crushing. I was losing my mind, all this worry and different emotions was driving me insane.
I stared at them thinking of something to say, the only thing I could think of was something that had in a way been bothering me but it wasn't the main source of my worry. "I just, I umm I don't know what to wear tonight" I shrugged and they both cocked their heads to the side as if they didn't know. They had to know, Jared had told Paul so the whole pack would know, Paul had teased me about it last night so how did they not know, Paul had a huge mouth.
"What's tonight?" Rachel asked and I realised they hadn't a clue, for once Paul hadn't blabbed to everyone.
"I'm going for dinner with Jared, Paul knew I thought you would" I didn't have time to get all of my sentence out before they started shrieking.
"Ahhh a date? Oh my god I'm so excited" Emily clapped while Rachel looked furious.
"That little shit, I tell him any gossip I know and he doesn't tell me this?" I guess she meant Paul, Emily started pulling on my hand grabbing my attention back but even as I looked at Emily I heard Rachel mumbling about Paul being sneaky. He was in so much trouble when she got home.
"Do you know where you are going?" Emily pulled on my hands again and I lost focus on Rachel's words.
"All I know is we are going for food, if we are staying around here it will be the diner I suppose" The diner was nothing special but it was nice, home comfort food. Emily and Rachel simultaneously shook their heads at me.
"It won't be the diner" Emily dismissed it still shaking her head.
"It won't be in La Push, I don't think those guys have ever just taken us to the diner" Rachel added and looked at Emily who shook her head again.
"Never, they always take us somewhere truly away from the pack. It will be probably be in Port Angeles, what time is he picking you up?"
Port Angeles? That was a fair way out to go just for dinner; I was fine with the diner. I liked the diner. I didn't do nice restaurants I did burgers and fries. "Umm 7 I think" I think he had said 7, I was sure he said 7.
"In that case, we should be going. It's just after 6 and we need to get you ready" Emily stood up before I could even reply and began hurrying a very wet Claire back toward the blanket where the remains of their picnic lay strewn across the pebbles and sand. I stayed put on the blaket as Emily and Claire carried the food and toys back to her tiny little car that sat at the top of the beach. Rachel was hovering over me waiting for the blanket but I didn't move.
I wanted to sit here forever, just staring at the waves and listening to the peaceful breeze.
"It's not just Jared is it?" Rachel was suddenly closer to me, her shadow falling across my lap as she spoke. I didn't look up; I just stared at the sea in front of us, the thousands of miles of untouched land, the rocks protruding from the water. I focused on that. I didn't want to let the feelings in my heart out, I wanted to focus on Jared not what was really bothering me. "Kim, nobody expects you to be strong all the time, you can talk to us about anything. It's ok to break down now and again, lord knows I do and it's been nine years"
I looked up at my friend now as she finished speaking, nine years since what? "What to do you mean?"
She took a gulp of breath before looking out at the ocean. "My mom died in a car wreck nine years ago, it's not exactly the same as your situation, not by any means but I know what it feels like to lose a parent and I know what it feels like to watch your family drifting apart, after my mom died we just stopped talking, dad went out every day, Jacob locked himself up in his garage even from ten years old he used to sit out there and mess around with old cars, and Rebecca my sister well she left. So, I understand the pain of losing people and I know it never goes away but I also know that it helps to just let it all out, the anger, the hurt, the questions, the what ifs, the guilt. Everything, we are your friends Kim" She smiled down at me, her hand extended for me to take and I did. She heaved me up from the floor and pulled me into a hug, I wasn't used to hugs. It was somewhat awkward but I stayed in her embrace. "The guys will find out what's happening, we will get your family back" She whispered before pulling back from the hug, her watery eyes smiling sadly at me but she quickly blinked the sadness away and simply grabbed at the blanket before walking away.
I knew her mom had died but I didn't put the connection in place, I guess we did have that in common. She had lost part of her family like I had mine, she was a nice person. She was right, I hardly ever spoke to other people about my feelings, only Jared and even then I felt stupid for doing it.
I heard my name being called by Claire, they were ready to go. I swung down to grab my bag, my eyes scanning the long beach that led to the cliffs but as I reached for the strap of my bag I stopped, my eyes meeting the distant cliffs and my heart hammering to a stop. There was someone up there, a girl. Her hair was blowing in the wind but I couldn't see her face, it was too far away. She was looking this way though, she was deadly still and just watching the beach as her hair wrapped around her face and neck. There was something about her, I couldn't look away, I was desperate to see her face.
"KIM" A louder yell made my eyes skip from the girl, Rachel was yelling for me and I realised I had began walking down the beach toward the cliffs. I stopped and retracted my steps, my eyes dancing back to the cliff. The empty cliff. She was gone.
I was going mad.
...
The girls had been correct; Jared had driven right out of La Push after he picked me up. He wouldn't say where we were going but it wasn't La Push and as we passed the Welcome to Forks sign, I realised it wasn't Forks. Port Angeles was the only option but I didn't ask as we drove at speed down the dark roads.
My mind had been muddled after leaving the beach, the only thing on my mind was that girl on the cliff but no matter how hard I tried to remember, I just could not see her face. Emily had dressed me in black skinny jeans, pastel pink ballet pumps and one of her white baggy style shirts with a long feather necklace dripping down the front. I guess I looked ok, I wasn't used to wearing anything other than trousers and a hoody or plain t-shirt but it looked ok. Rachel had been in charge of my hair and makeup, my hair was up in a mid ponytail with my loose unruly bangs dangling in curls around my face which was touched up with a little pinch of makeup. I had been their Barbie doll.
"Ok, we are here" Jared sung as he pulled the car to a halt, I looked up from my lap and out of the window. We weren't in Port Angeles, we weren't anywhere. Well we were, we were outside what looked like an average diner but apart from that there was nothing.
"Here being?" I asked looked back to Jared who was smiling somewhat nervously.
"It's just a place I used to come when I was younger, on our way back home from vacations or if my dad was taking me out for a man's day we would come here. It's actually where my parents first met" His grin widened and I copied his, that was sweet I suppose. He hopped out before I could say anything else and was around the truck to my door within seconds, holding his hand out for me to take but as I jumped out, he didn't let go. I didn't want him to either; his hand in mine was perfect. I simply followed as he walked me across the uneven parking lot toward the door that held a red flashing open sign, this definitely was not the fancy restaurant I was told to expect by the girls. But then Jared was nothing like Sam and Paul, he was laid back and funny, he didn't need to impress me with posh food and big prices. I've always been a burger and fries girl anyway.
I stayed quiet as he found an empty booth in the corner, the diner wasn't empty but it wasn't busy, it had more staff members than customers but it still had a bustle of conversation in the air. The walls held picture frames full of musical icons, lyrical quotes were scattered on with paint but it didn't look tacky, it looked impressive actually. I slid across the blue leather seat, my eyes scanning the quotes above us.
"It's not anything special" Jared mumbled from opposite me but I shook my head.
"It's perfect Jared" I rested my gaze on him as a surprised look crossed his face.
"Really? The guys told me you would hate it, said I should take you to some place in Port Angeles with a name I can't pronounce" He grumbled obviously still worried the packs words were true but again I shook my head at him.
"I'm not into places where I can't pronounce the name, it generally means I can't pronounce the dishes and if I can't pronounce it then I am not putting it in my mouth" I didn't mean to sound quite so sassy but I did and as I finished speaking Jared started laughing. I swear I had a whole different personality around him, I was never confident when I was alone, I would never be so outspoken around anyone else but him. Not that it was a bad thing; it was good he brought out different things in me.
"Well then you are safe here, you can have a hamburger, a hamburger or if you're lucky a hamburger with cheese" He stopped laughing and leant over the table a little, his eyebrow raised in a playful gesture that had me grinning from ear to ear. He looked amazing tonight, I hardly ever saw him in real clothes. Even at school he wore t-shirts and shorts but tonight he was in a clean, un-ripped pair of dark jeans and a grey shirt buttoned up to his chest, underneath I could see a white t-shirt. He wasn't dressed up, but he looked amazing anyway.
"Then it's perfect"
"What can I get you guys tonight?" The voice cut across our conversation and I peered up to see an older waitress, pen and paper in hand just watching us. I glanced at the menu beside me quickly, Jared was right; it was just burgers, a few sandwiches or hot dogs. Burger it was. The woman was looking at me and I realised so was Jared, my cheeks darkened at the attention, I still wasn't into it. Not even the confidence Jared gave me made me like being looked at.
"Umm just a cheeseburger and fries please"
She nodded scribbling it down before looking to Jared, his body was leaning over the menu, his shoulders rising as he settled on his choice. Part of me knew what was coming but I wasn't expecting it to the extent he went.
"I think I'll just have a burger and fries, oh and a hot dog with extra onions and maybe some bacon in the burger. I'll have a strawberry milkshake too with whipped cream and chocolate sauce on top" He listed off not looking up from the menu, the poor woman looked at him like he was crazy before looking to me, all I could do was shrug. The kid ate a lot but he was huge so I didn't see why she was so surprised. "Oh and sweet potato fries, please" He added before finally pushing the menu aside and looking up with a look of innocence about him. The poor woman looked utterly bewildered as she nodded and walked away, occasionally glancing back as if waiting for him to shout 'joke' or order something else. He didn't do either; instead he offered me a sheepish grin.
I glanced around the small diner, cars were shooting past outside and it was beginning to rain. "Where are we?" I asked when nothing outside of the window offered me an explanation on my location. Port Angeles was an hour and a half away from La Push but we had only been driving just under an hour so we weren't there.
"Half way down the Olympic Highway"
I looked back at Jared as he shrugged a little, this was so not where I had been told to expect, not that I minded. I liked it. I remembered his words earlier about his parents meeting here, I had always thought his parents were from La Push, but then again I didn't know his parents so I had no idea where they are from.
"Where are your parents from?"
He frowned at my question as his fingers fiddled with the salt shaker in the centre of the table. "La Push, they are both Quileute. Why?"
"Oh, you said they met here? Normally people in La Push no each other" Everyone knew everyone or at least knew the family, even me who never went to family parties or met up with family friends around the res knew most people's families by name. Jared's frown lifted into a smile and he nodded at me before sitting back in his seat allowing the waitress to place his milkshake in front of him, his mammoth milkshake.
"My mom is five years younger than my dad; he had left high school just when she was starting so they didn't meet there. Their families knew each other but they had never met. My mom went away to college but after her graduation she was driving back for a summer visit and stopped here for some food, the story I've always been told is that she went to pay for her food and realised she had left her purse in the airport, my dad being a gentleman paid for her but only if she had lunch with him. He was on his way out of town for a business trip, she agreed to eat with him and then her summer visit never ended, a year later she was pregnant with me" Jared's smile grew wider the more he spoke, a happy smile. It was a cute story; her whole life was rewritten from that one guy offering to pay for her food if she had dinner with him. That was sweet.
"And now you come here a lot?"
"It's always been a family favourite I suppose" He smile again and slurped his milkshake, letting off a slight groan of approval as he drank more. "You want some?" He offered it to me but I shook my head.
"I hate strawberry milkshake" I grimaced a little and Jared stopped slurping, instead offering me a look that read he thought I was crazy.
"How is that even possible? It's the best flavour, don't tell me you're the freak who drinks banana" He slowed his words as a guilty grin wiped over my blushing face, I always blushed. "You drink banana milkshake?" I nodded at him and he grimaced in return. "That is so disgusting, my respect for you just dropped"
"Hey you just ordered sweet potato fries, whatever the hell they are" I pointed accusingly at him laughing as he started faking a hurt expression.
"Sweet potato fries are good; my mom makes the nicest ones. You will have to come over and try it, she's the best cook" Jared's grin widened now and my heart faltered for a second, his house? For dinner? With his parents? What if they didn't like me, I wasn't good at first impressions. Oh crap. "Did you want to?" He asked seriously and my stomach flipped as I looked at him. "My mom really wants to meet you"
"Me?" He nodded and my body flipped all over again. "Why me?" I was hardly anything special, why would she even know who I am?
"She wants to meet the girl who's being distracting her son" His cheeky grin was back, distracting him, I guess I had been. "I mean her only son is failing school because he's so distracted, she just wants to make sure your worth me failing"
"I haven't made you fail" I cut in and he chuckled, he was joking. He was always joking.
"You are" He nodded after eyeing me up a little and my head fell to the side, not fully understanding him. "Worth it, I mean you are definitely worth it"
The blush I had managed to keep in spread all over my face, I was hot and flustered as his eyes continued to stare over me, taking me in. He always looked at me like I was the most interesting person in the world, I liked it. But I wasn't so keen on the attention, he opened his mouth to speak again but plates of food came down in front of us cutting him off and I had to be thankful for it, knowing Jared he would have said yet another thing to make me blush.
We said nothing as we picked at our food, I was trying to calm my blush while Jared was fighting off a smile. Both of us failed though, I couldn't stop blushing.
"So you haven't got any brothers or sisters?" I asked quickly before he could say anything else.
"No, just me. They made the perfect kid so they stopped" I just stared at him when he said it, he had a serious look on his face. He was being serious? "I'm joking, I'm not that cocky" He added in as I stared blankly at him, he started flashing his cheeky grin again. "No they tried, my mom struggled to get pregnant for a few years after I was born so they held off for a little bit then when I was nine she fell pregnant by accident, it was a girl, everything was ready for her. I was being taught by my dad to be a big brother and to protect her, all I remember is one night I was sent to stay at Embry's house and then two days later I was being taken into the hospital to meet my baby sister, that same day I had to say goodbye"
My hand flew to my mouth as he spoke; a horrible rush of pity fell over me. He lost his little sister, his mom lost her baby. His smile had fallen but it still lay there, I had never seen Jared really upset but his smile was sad. "Something had gone wrong; she had suffered from lack of oxygen to the brain during birth and had to be revived when she finally came out. Her lungs collapsed and she couldn't breathe by herself, she was put on a machine but after two days she got an infection and doctors said there was nothing they could do for her, she couldn't survive off the machines so my mom and dad agreed to turn off the support, she was cute I remember that much. They named her Callie-Rose, mom was really cut up for a while after, dad asked if she wanted to try again but she was too distraught to go through it so they settled for me" He shrugged again as if it were nothing but he looked upset, he was only nine but that was near enough the age I was when I lost my sister and my mom, it still hurts.
"I'm sorry I had no idea" I could feel tears springing to my eyes, that must have broken his moms heart. She hadn't even had the chance to know her daughter before she was taken.
"It's fine; it was a long time ago. Shit happens." He smiled again but it was false, it wasn't fine he was still hurt over it. "You want to try one?" He spoke before I could and held up an orange fry, sweet potato.
He didn't want to talk about his sister obviously so I took the food and nibbled it cautiously, it wasn't bad but I wasn't blown away by it.
"Oh come on Kim, its good" He called out as I made a face.
"It's ok but I'll stick to these ones" I pointed to my basket of fries and he chuckled his real laugh and shook his head.
...
It was eleven pm, we had sat in the diner for hours just talking and laughing and Jared ate more and more. He had two sundaes plus what I didn't eat from mine and three milkshakes, plus all his food. Yet he still wanted more, the waitress told him they were closing as he went to order a brownie sundae, her face not impressed with the boy who never stopped eating.
It was so easy being around Jared, at some point during the night I had forgotten myself, forgotten my problems and worries and I just laughed and joked, I acted my age for once. For a few hours I let go of my responsibilities and just had fun. I had learnt so much about Jared, things I had never thought of asking. I found out his favourite sport teams, where he had been on vacations, what his parents worked as, where he lived, his dogs name. For the past few months he had been so focused on me he knew everything there was to know but I never once asked him about anything. I liked him, I really liked him.
"Did you have a good night?" Jared spun around as we approached his truck, I had to look up to see his face, it was dark out but I could see him just fine.
"It was nice, thank you, you didn't have to pay for me though"
"I ate most of the food, besides it was a date and it was my treat" I blushed at his words and his hand came up to cradle my hot cheek, his fingers brushing the skin there. My stomach flipped again and I froze on the spot, he was close to me. "Would you go out with me again?"
All I could do was nod, I couldn't think of any words to speak so I nodded.
"Good, I really like you Kim" He whispered as he moved closer to me, every nerve in my body tingled and a shiver ran through my spine. I liked him too but I couldn't speak. "I forgot to say how beautiful you look tonight" He hunched down so that he was somewhat near my face, I couldn't even react to his words, I was frozen still as I watched him get closer and closer. Kiss me; I wanted him to kiss me.
He was going to, he was looking at my lips and coming closer, I wanted him too. I so wanted him too. But as he got closer and closer he moved, his lips instead found my cheek and without meaning to my body slumped in disappointment. The kiss lingered for only a moment before he pulled back, my cheek was hot from the touch but my lips were cold from the lack of touch, I wanted him to kiss me again but he moved away and opened his truck for me to get in.
My heart was beating so fast and loud I knew he could hear it, maybe he didn't want to kiss me. I moved slowly forward for the truck and went to climb in but stopped as my phone started ringing from my bag, it if was Emily ringing again to question me I would leave my phone here. She had text me continuously all night asking me about how it was going, more often than not her text would be followed with one from Rachel and then I would get one from Sam saying he was sorry he couldn't control them and for me to ignore it, which I did.
I glanced at the caller ID and my heart stopped, it wasn't Emily or Rachel, it was the rehabilitation centre my dad was at. It was late for him to be ringing. Something was wrong. I glanced up at Jared who was looking at my phone, a frown appeared on his face as he thought the same thing and I shoved it to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Kimberly Michaels?" A female voice asked.
"Yes"
"This is Angela from your fathers recovery centre, I'm sorry I'm calling so late it's just that we can't get him to calm down, we've tried everything but he's asking for you. I was wondering if you could possibly speak to him or if you were able to come and visit him tomorrow"
"What's wrong with him?" My voice was shaking as I replied and the line stayed silent for a minute.
"Well, we aren't sure. He started getting distressed a couple hours ago, we don't understand what he's saying but it's something about a girl, his little girl, he's very distressed and has locked himself in his room. He's crying, is there anything we can do or you can do?" She sounded desperate. My heart sunk at her words, his little girl.
I looked at Jared and he glanced at his watch before nodding, I was going there now. I needed to get to my dad.
"I'll be there in a couple hours" Before she could reply I lowered the phone. Jared helped me into the car before climbing in and setting onto the road, we had a long drive to the centre but I needed to get to my dad.
For a few hours my life had been simply, for a few hours things were happy. But happiness can never last.
