Chapter 28
"Rain," He said firmly grabbing my hand and squeezing it. Wednesday's were always rough on him. "Please, go talk to Jessicah or something. He's getting pissed." Steve was walking around jumping from place to place fixing everything Paul did except for his folded sweaters of which Steve complimented.
I sighed. "Fine," I said. I kissed him. He kissed me back and he let go of my hand. Watching me walk out. I turned walking backwards. I blew him a kiss and he just sighed shaking his head. Rainie: 127. Paul: 0.
The mall wasn't busy. Next week it would be booming. I could barely believe it was June. Girls in school were freaking out about Prom and running around spazzing out about dresses and dates. I would have been indifferent.
But Sunday Drive fell on the same date. So we were going to that instead. Naturally Sunday Drive came before a stupid dance where we'd watch girls get drunk and sulk around because they realized prom was a complete bust. I've been to three proms actually. Not that I'm proud of it. But in my old town I went to a public school one and two private school ones. I knew how much of a bust it was.
I walked to the Pretzel Shack expecting Jess-ee-cah to be screaming at Jacob as usual. But I was greeted by this: "Rainie!" from an excited grinning Jessicah.
"Jess!" I said back in the same voice jokingly.
"Guess what just happened?" She said smiling like an idiot. I went up to the counter. Faking all of the enthusiasm to match hers.
"What?"
She smiled calming down a little to tell. "Thomas just asked me out." She said. "Not like you-should-go-to-this-party-this-weekend, he asked me to Prom!"
Jessicah had about three guys in line for Prom. She was planning to pick through them, but now she didn't seem to have to. "Really?" My eyebrows went up.
"Yeah," She said smiling. Then Jacob came out. He looked pissed. Not looking at Jess-ee-cah. "He just asked me like ten minutes ago, he showed up and just asked me and said it was an official date. None of that stupid friends-with-benefits crap."
I smiled at her. Poor Jacob; he had to have been standing right there when it happened. And here it was spelled out for her, I had been right all along, Jacob liked her. And here he was. Sulking around now sticking the now empty trash bin back where it was and going back out back. "That's good." I was pulling for Jacob. He's been flirting with her more lately. He was going to ask her to Prom I could tell.
"I'm so excited." She said. "I'm so mad you and Paul aren't going though."
I sighed. "We have to see Sunday Drive." I said.
She was still smiling. I felt even worse for Jacob. He had to see her smiling like this for the rest of the day. She folded pretzels really bad today. Being so happy was distracting her. They were all floppy and heart shaped. "My break's soon," She said. "Do you want to go get ice cream?"
I nodded. "Sure," I said.
She looked back. "Jacob can I go early?" She yelled.
There was silence. "Yeah," He said softer.
"Okay come on let's go." And she left. I looked back and saw Jacob walking out. He nodded at me. And I think he knew I knew. He was letting it show now. He really like Jess-ee-cah. Fuck Thomas.
The next day at school it was getting around that Bennett was hooking up with his ex-girlfriend. She was a bitch dating this football player who was probably in denial about the whole thing. But it was everywhere. Everyone was talking about it because of all things, the bitch had to go to Coolen. When Paul and I walked down the halls it was a good thing to know we weren't noticed by anyone.
Nobody cared if we were dating, they just went on talking. They talked for two days straight. And it was good to have a break from people like Shelly Harris but when I saw Bennett on Friday at his work I realized he wasn't doing too good.
I was walking with Paul. He just got out of work. And I saw Bennett. Walking. His shoulders slouching and his hands in his pockets. He looked awful. But he didn't see me. I knew he was playing a Kerrington party Paul and I were going to. But he looked like crap.
I texted him when we got in Paul's car. He didn't answer. Which made me a little nervous. I was worried about him. Paul and I went to IHOP. We talked about music. I fought him about Bright Eyes. But I kept thinking about Bennett.
At the party I managed to get away from Paul easily. He went to get me a drink and I found Bennett out back. Standing there smoking. "Hi," I shut the screen door behind me.
He turned surprised by my voice. "Hi," He said. He looked awful. So small and shaken by my voice.
"How are you?" I asked softly.
He paused looking at me. "Fine," His voice cracked.
I walked over to him looking out into the backyard same as he had been. He looked at me. I looked at him. "I heard what happened." I said.
He shrugged. "Figured." He said.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. His eyes have always been walled up. I had no idea what he was thinking. They were just thick walls of brown staring back at me.
"No," He said. He realized how mean he sounded. "I mean," He looked down. "I just don't want to think about it." He looked out over the yard. "She said she was going to break up with that guy, and I didn't know I was still hung up on her."
I nodded. "Are you okay?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I'll get over this." He laughed a little. At himself. "I mean this happens a lot. I should get used to it."
I shook my head. "That's not true." I said. "Someday you're going to find a nice girl."
He shook his head. "I'm not a little kid Rainie." He said. "This is how it's supposed to be."
"I used to think the same thing." I said. "But I didn't let that eat me away. I got over it and everything fell into place."
He looked at me. "You found Paul." He said.
I paused. "Yeah," I said.
He shook his head. "That's not going to happen to me." He said. "I'm going to just keep being the one they sleep with and leave alone."
He was my friend. I felt so protective over him. I stepped closer to him wrapping my arms around him. He remained stiff in my arms for a few seconds but he hugged me back. It was weird hugging him. I felt so used to hugging Paul. He was so skinny compared to Paul. A little bit taller too. He smelled like smoke. I closed my eyes holding him for a few seconds. Being his friend. Moving away smiling a little at him.
He smiled back a little. Looking at me with his walled up eyes. And let go of me. He looked back into the house. Stiffening. "I have to go," He said. "I'll see you later."
I nodded. He started walking away and I watched him. I figured I should go find Paul. He was probably looking for me by now. I slipped back into the packed rooms. Finding him close by. He smiled at me weakly. Handing me my beer. I kissed him. Noticing suddenly how his lips tasted like something stronger than beer.
I caught a glimpse of his red cup- full of some colored drink. He wasn't drinking beer. That's for sure.
And as the night went on it got worse. I didn't know what was wrong with him now. He left me a lot. Drinking more than I've ever seen him. He was cracking. I thought he was stronger than this, but he was cracking easily. I didn't even know why. He wouldn't talk to me directly.
"Rainie!" I turned Gina was cutting through the crowd to me. She looked at me pulling me to the side. "Can I ask you something?"
I nodded. "I have to go find Paul-"
"It's about Paul." She said.
"I don't know what's wrong-" I started to say but she cut me off.
"No," She said. "He saw you and Bennett Williams." I froze. "Are you cheating on him?"
I shook my head. "No," My eyes widened. "He thinks I'm cheating on him?" That didn't make sense. I told him I wasn't cheating on him. Why would he think that?
She nodded looking at me. "He's so paranoid about you breaking up with him for that kid." She said. "He saw you with him."
I shook my head. "He just needed someone to talk to." I said. "It wasn't anything." She didn't believe me. She was believing what Paul said he saw, I understood. We were different people and she didn't know me much at all. I looked around. "I have to go find Paul."
"See you," She said.
I've never seen Paul drunk before. He hid it well if he was. But by now he was a mess. He was flushed and I went up to him. Taking his hand. "Can I talk to you?" I asked.
He blinked hard. "Sure," He said. I moved my hand into his other one too freeing his drink from it and putting it on the table close by. I took him upstairs to a room. I shut the door and he started kissing me. His mouth tasting thick with some kind of alcohol. I was so used to tasting it first hand. It wasn't beer, it was something stronger. I pushed him back.
I didn't know how to handle a guy when he was drunk and I wasn't. "What's wrong Paul?" I asked.
He looked at me and then stepped back. He paced. I looked at him waiting. I was improvising. He pointed at me. "I saw you with that fucking fag." He said. His voice was slow and messy. He slurred a little. Not much. But I didn't know how drunk he was.
I shook my head. "I was just being his friend." I said. "I wouldn't-"
"Why did you fucking have to pick me Rain?" He asked suddenly stopping. "Did that other kid you were fucking sleeping with before me bail out? I like you so-so-so-so-so-so much, Rain. It fucking hurts. I can't help it." He was splintering. Cracking. I hated seeing him like this. The Paul I knew wasn't like this. "That fucking fag, I'm going to kill the little fuck."
I moved closer to him. I moved my arms around him. I hated seeing him like that so much. He was so much stronger. He held me tight. His arms moving around me and he squeezed me. "I would never do that to you Paul." I said softly. "I like you so much. I've never liked a boy this much. I'd never cheat on you. Bennett is just my friend. He needed a friend."
And Paul was quiet. Holding me. Wrapping his arms around me twice I swear. I moved back. "Come on," I said. "Can I have you keys?"
He took them out of his pocket handing them to me. I kissed the corner of his mouth and took them. He stumbled a little down the stairs but we made it to his car. He sat in the passenger seat mumbling. I took out my cell phone climbing into the driver's seat. I dialed a phone number. I called three times.
"Rain, not now." It was Jess-ee-cah.
"No," I said. "Can you pretend I'm sleeping over you're house?"
She paused. There was a muffled sound and a voice. She moved away from it. "You staying over Paul's?" She asked.
"Yeah," I said. "So can I?"
"Sure," She said. "I know what to say if your parents call."
"Okay," I said. "See you."
"Bye, good luck." She hung up. I figured now wasn't a good time to correct her. I started his car. I was used to my little one. And so I tried to figure out how to drive this one. I tried figuring where everything was. The gas. The brakes. Reverse. I breathed.
And I started driving. I almost hit a mailbox right off the bat. I looked over at him, he was leaning back, his eyes closed. I reached over holding his hands. If he passed out I was fucked. I didn't know how to get him in his house then. But whenever I squeezed his hand he squeezed mine in response. And about a half hour longer than it would have taken had he driven instead of me, we made it to his house. Going out back like he always told me to.
He got out. And stumbled over a rock. I followed him. He mumbled a couple swears on his way to the door. I didn't know where he was going, but I figured if he got caught I'd have to explain. It wasn't the greatest way to meeting his family, but we went up a staircase. I went up behind him. He made it slowly.
They led right up to his bedroom door. He went inside collapsing onto his bed. I went in slipping into the other half of his room. I called my parents. Queenie answered. "Hi," I said. "Can I sleep over Jessicah's?"
She hesitated. "Sure," She said. "Is her mother home?"
"Yeah," I lied.
"When will you be home tomorrow?" She asked.
"Um, probably around ten or so." I looked back at the crack into the room Paul was in. I didn't know what I was planning on doing. I was making it all up as I went.
"Okay," She said. "See you tomorrow morning."
They trust me more now because of Paul I think. I walked into the other room. He was lying there not looking at me. I walked over to the other side and climbed on. He opened his eyes a little seeing me. He said something I didn't understand. His voice was deep and slurred even more. He was tired. "Mm-hmm."
I lay down. He mumbled something else. I listened to the syllables but it was hopeless trying to understand him. I laced my fingers into his and he said something else. "What?" I said softly.
"My head hurts." He said louder. I pushed hair out of his face. I moved closer to him. Holding him. He kissed my forehead. And mumbled something. Four syllables.
"Mm-hmm." I said softly.
He said something. His voice rising and falling. It vibrated in my ear and I felt it inside of me. I closed my eyes. I would hold him. When he said something occasionally I'd make soft sounds. And finally his breathes grew even. And calm. I listened to him breathe. Falling asleep too eventually.
I felt bad I couldn't have done anything better for him.
A/N: Tell me what you think. Review Review Review.
