Author's Notes: Note, I hate you all for making me go into more detail. No, (SMILE) I'm just kidding. Actually, I'm glad for the couple of reviews that are pushing for me to write more. I'll endeavor to do so, not only to please you, but also because writing this chapter longer than normal (and going into more detail) was one of the most... grueling, horrifying, and rewarding things I've done this entire story. As you read, remember that you asked for this... ;-)

Zer0JMB -- I'm well aware of most people's opinions of Asuka/Touji ;-) I'll go ahead and let it be said that I very much doubt it'll happen. The way Asuka is now... well, wow. I don't know if... well, never mind. Anyway, there's some critical plot stuff coming up that might ease your mind concerning this, so I won't comment more until then :-)

Galos -- I never considered the baptism symbology, and I don't know why. Thanks for pointing it out. Some things just slip by, I guess. And yes, you'll find out more about Asuka's project. If I'd written the last chapter like I wrote this one, it would've been more explanatory. But It'll all come out in the end... and I'll write longer now, even if the update schedule slips slightly. I'll try not to make it slip too much.

ExtinctionsEnd -- All Eva models except Shinji's are clones of Adam (thus male), Shinji's is a clone of Lillith (thus female). If you can consider Angels to have sexes. NGE does, to an extent, sort of, and so I do as well.

Pyro -- All we know from the series is that Rei 'has a bond' with her Eva. It's implied that most if not all of the children in Shinji's class have lost their mothers. Most likely they were killed (yes, that's horrific) or died, and had part of their souls put into cores, that would then go in the Evas. We know that's what happened in Shinji's, Asuka's, and (it's implied) Touji's case. For this story, I'm going to assume it happened to most of the students. As for Rei, well, I will mimic the series by not giving details (GRIN). We'll see how the story goes; I guess.


Chapter 28

The soft knock came on the door just as Shinji was helping Rei pick up the dishes from the evening meal they had just shared. He glanced at the door as she took the dishes that were in his hands.

"Go see who's at the door, Shinji." She closed her eyes as he put his hand behind her neck and leaned forward, kissing her forehead. He whispered into her ear,

"You cook like a machine. I'm starting to get envious." Her cheeks tinged with pink as she opened her eyes and looked into his.

"Don't be. I'm fine with a recipe, but I wish I had your skills at improvising." He walked over to the door as she took the dishes to the kitchen. The door slid aside to reveal...

"Touji, what's wrong? You're white as a sheet..."

Touji stepped forward, grabbing Shinji by both shoulders. "Shinji, man, I don't know how much more of Asuka's training I can take!" His voice shook as Shinji guided him over to the couch. "Please, you gotta help me!" He sat, leaning his elbows on his knees, and resting his forehead on his hands. Rei came back from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. Shinji looked up at Rei. She raised a sky-blue eyebrow. He put his arm around his friend's shoulders. "Tell me what's going on."

"She's... insane. I'm sorry I'm blubbering, and I know I keep calling you all that, but I don't know what else to say!" His voice cracked as he shook slightly.

"Ssh, It's okay, Touji." He paused, letting the boy calm down slightly. He knew that this was a very delicate point. "You just have to understand that she's doing what's best for you."

"What's best??" he jerked up momentarily, and Shinji saw, what... fear? panic... No, it was something bordering on hopelessness. The boy slumped back over, and Shinji felt a twinge of sympathy. He himself had gone through much the same thing, though in much different circumstances. And he hadn't had anyone to turn to at all.

My only hope is that you eventually realize how lucky you are, Touji.

"I know the curcumstances we're in are hard, but no one's asking you to bear it all." He paused, trying to find the right words. "We can find out who's behind all this, but we have to be strong..."

"What? Asuka's behind..." Touji started to say, but Shinji shook him slightly.

"No, snap out of it!" he said, sternly but gently. "I'm not talking about your training, I'm talking about the resets. Stay with me." Touji looked up, half-hysterical, a single tear-line running down his face.

"D-doesn't Asuka control the resets?" Rei handed Shinji the towel she was holding. He gave it to Touji, who stared at it blankly for a moment, then pushed it to his face.

"Asuka no more controls the resets than you control your Eva." he explained. "And I don't mean that unkindly. She can make things reset; she even has a pretty good amount of precision. Just like you can make your Eva walk."

"With a good amount of precision." Touji said with a small laugh.

"Right," he said, giving his friend's shoulder a squeeze. "But you don't understand your Eva, nor do you control it. None of us do. We just use them. As they use us."

Touji looked at Shinji, almost without recognition. "You've changed, man." He gave a trembling smile. "I mean, look, you're having to comfort me."

"We've all changed, my friend." He said, as Rei sat down on the other side of Touji. "We've all changed."

"Couldn't you train me?" he asked. Moments later, his face registered panic again, "I mean, don't tell Asuka I asked... please... but..."

Shinji let him trail off, his eyes taking a far-away look. "You don't know what you're asking." Shinji finally answered.

Touji misunderstood, thinking that Shinji referred to how hard it would be to convince Asuka to let Shinji take over. "If she'll listen to anyone, she'll listen to you!"

Shinji let him talk, not correcting him. In this state, it would do neither of them any good. "I'll do it," he finally said. He winced inwardly as he saw his friend's face almost break up with relief. "For you," he knew Touji wouldn't understand, but he said it anyway, "I'll do this."


"He seriously came to you for help?" Asuka stood, one hand on the door of her apartment, the other on her hip.

"Yep. White as a ghost." Shinji answered. He'd never seen his usually-unflappable friend in such straights. He looked down the hallway, not seeing, just thinking about what they were doing. Asuka had really worked the boy over.

Rei spoke up. "I suggest we go with plan B."

Asuka quirked her mouth. "I agree. If only so I can watch."


Three Evas stood in the middle of Tokyo-3, Units-00, -01, and -03.

"Alright, you guys, what's the plan?" Ritsuko was slightly wary of the whole idea, but Asuka's arguments for actual field experience had been persuasive. Gendo had been harder to persuade, especially concerning Unit-01, but under the guise of testing his Unit's response to it's recent changes, it had been done. Plus, it was the middle of an evacuation drill, so everything worked out.

"We'll see." Shinji said over the comm system. To Touji, he said, "Congratulations on getting your Eva to go berserk." Touji shivered involuntarily.

"I don't even want to think about what happened in there." He was relieved to be working with someone who he had atleast known for a while. Shinji may have changed a little, but to Touji, he was still Shinji, a known factor. He thought back to the times he, Shinji, and Kensuke had always done things together and cut up; the 'three stooges' the class rep called them. Shinji's voice pulled him from his reverie.

"Well, for a little while, anyway, you'll have to. Until you start to actually be able to feel your core, it takes strong emotion to push things over the edge." Shinji grinned. "We all have varying theories about what kind of emotions are best, but that's it in a nutshell."

"That makes sense, actually." Touji said in a relieved voice.

"What emotions or thoughts were going through your mind during the incident?" Shinji asked.

Touji thought back. "Well, first I was angry, but then... I thought about my sister. And how I wanted to protect her."

Shinji nodded. "That's excellent. Let's focus on that."


Over the next half hour Asuka watched from the control room as Shinji helped Touji along through several exercises. The kid was actually starting to get the hang of things. She had snorted when Shinji mentioned the part about the different emotions.

Well, he's earned my respect enough as a pilot that I can agree to disagree with him on this one...

What she didn't like about this was the differences between Units. It was better for her to train Touji, since they both shared the same type of Unit. The difference between the Units, and their quirks (both between the production models and the prototypes, as well as between Shinji's special case Unit and all the others) had been pretty thoroughly explored by the three veterans.

Oh well she smirked slightly, He'll be crawling back to me soon enough.


"I appreciate this, Shinji," Touji told him, "I really feel like I'm making progress." Shinji nodded. He had watched and coached until his friend had been able to, on command, make his Eva's eyes light up. But not quite go berserk.

"That's good... that's good. What we've been doing will also help your synch ratio and control. A berserk unit is dangerous. What we want is the power of a berserk Unit, but with a measure of control. Otherwise, bad things happen." He stopped, letting the silence speak for itself. He didn't mention Touji's sister. He didn't have to. Unit-00 walked up beside him.

"By the way," Touji asked scratching the back of his head, "Why is Ayanami here?"

"We always practice together." Something about the way Rei said that gave Touji pause.

"Ah. Gotcha..."

"Let's see how much you've learned from Pilot Ikari." she said, softly.

"Wow. You're going to train me as well?" He watched as she walked a ways away from him. It would give him a chance to know more about her, he supposed. She was the quietest one in school, except for Shinji. Had been the quietest. It surprised him when she answered, considering she usually didn't give anyone the time of day.

"Yes. We come as a package deal. First," In one motion, she drew her prog-knife, tossed it in the air, grabbed it by the blade, turned, and flicked her wrist. "Pain tolerance." The blade activated in the air, blurring red momentarily before embedding itself into Unit-03's chest. Touji was so stunned that for a moment he felt nothing. Then he grabbed his midsection, staggered backward, hit a building, and slid to the ground.

"W-w-what was that?" he moaned softly.

Rei simply looked at him. "Don't give me that, Pilot Suzuhara. I have your synch ratio on my screen here. It can't hurt that badly." Another of the many modifications to the Eva's software and hardware. It had turned out to be a good training tool for the three of them. Seeing their own synch ratio (and other information) worked almost like biofeedback. Knowing immediately what thoughts and emotions affected the different readouts helped immensely in gaining precision and control. She stepped over to his prone figure and bent down, putting her Unit's hand on his Unit's shoulder. "Look at me." His eyes were shut, his mouth a rictus of pain. "Look at me!" He opened his eyes involuntarily. "You must learn to move despite the pain. The enemy will not be as forgiving as I am."

"D-depite the pain?" he asked, hysterical, almost hyperventilating. "How..."

"That," she interrupted quietly, "is something that you must start learning on your own. I can help, of course."

"Help-p? How??" he begged. She lowered her hand to the knife and twisted it.

"By giving you more pain."


"YAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!" Touji scream echoed through the comm system. Maya turned her chair away from the main viewer, her eyes shut tightly, her hand over her mouth, fighting the nausea that threatened to overwhelm her. Ritsuko simply stared, struck dumb by the scene playing out before her.

"Isn't there anything we can do?!" Fuyutski's astonished voice came out over the intercom.

"No." Ritsuko whispered. "I'm completely locked out." Five minutes of watching Rei's training had Ritsuko and Maya holding each other. Maya had her face buried in her mentor's shoulder, trying to forget what she'd seen, while Ritsuko held the poor, shaking woman, her own mouth open in horror, unable to tear her own eyes from the display. After five more minutes, Maya was huddled under her desk, retching into a trash can. Ritsuko had sunk into a chair, her hands over her mouth, near catatonic. Finally, after what seemed like an interminably long time in the dead quiet Central Dogma, Rei's calm voice came over the speakers.

"Reset us back to the beginning of the training session, please." As usual, the Section Two agents Gendo had summoned burst into the control room too late. Asuka smirked and closed her eyes to concentrate, sending the Agents (and everyone else) back in time to the beginning of the training session.


"Hiding behind Pikot Ikari won't help." Rei said. "Besides, he has already been through much worse than this."

"Y-you have?" Touji asked Shinji, from where he was huddled behind him. "Are you n-nuts?"

"Nah, it's good stuff!" he put his unit's arm around his friend's shoulder, pulling him to his feet. "Believe me," he said, turning slightly more serious, "It's much, much better to learn this from someone you know, than from an indifferent enemy who is trying to kill you." He paused, momentarily, pushing away the memories that threatened to intrude. "I'll give you a few pointers."

"R-really?" he said, glancing back at Rei. She had her Unit-00 flipping its prog-knife over and over between its fingers, with what might have been a slightly bored expression on her face. It was difficult to tell, with Rei.

Despite his mental state, it did not take Touji long to absorb and put to use everything Shinji could teach him about pain relief. After all, his most powerful motivation stood by in the form of Unit-00. When Rei brutally killed him for the fifth time, he didn't make much noise at all. The three of them continued training, ending up with several exercises that were mostly mental, to Touji's immense relief. He never fully relaxed, but he managed to satisfy Shinji, for the boy finally relented. The final exercise took longer than any of the others. Near the end, alert signals began flashing, and they heard reports over their comm systems.

"All personnel, level one battle stations! Prepare for surface to air combat."

"Target has broken through the defensive line at Komagatake." The three Evas watched as a distant figure floated their way, wreathed in explosions from the many missile launchers hidden throughout the city.

"That's... a real Angel? Not one of your training scenarios?" Touji asked Rei.

"It is real." she answered. Shinji allowed himself to grin slightly. It was understandable that his friend was still slightly out of it. The three of them watched as the Angel fired a massive energy blast deep into the Geofront. Listening to the horrified reports from Central Dogma didn't help Touji's mental state.

"Wow," he choked out, "It's a good thing you two are here..." He knew with a sinking feeling that was the wrong thing to say. Thinking back later, he would recognize that nothing he said would have changed anything, but in the moment, it was different.

"You are only partly correct, Pilot Suzuhara." Rei said in her usual impassive voice. "You will fight the Angel."

"What??"

"You will fight it," she repeated, "or you will fight me." He looked at her, frozen, but only for a moment. His body acted on instinct, knowing what would happen if he hesitated. He turned back towards the Angel and charged, drawing his own prog-knives.


One reset later, he again stood, watching the Angel approach, shivering slightly.

That... wasn't too bad. The fact that this thought crossed his mind, after being brutally killed, surprised him. I'd rather be killed by the Angel than by Ayanami was his next thought. The Angel, atleast, wasn't so thorough. He wondered how many times he would have to die at the Angel's hands to satisfy her. He desperately tried to hide his relief at how easy facing the Angel was in comparison to what she'd done to him. If she saw, he knew it would all be over. She gave no outward signal that she was even paying attention to him, but he knew better than to trust that.

"That was brave, Pilot Suzuhara," Rei commented, "but suicidal. Know your enemy." She said, carefully monitoring the Angel's energy build-up. At the proper moment, she raised her arm, flicking her wrist. Her prog-knife shimmered through the air and struck the Angel's head the instant it tried to fire its beam weapon. The head exploded, showering them all with blood and gore. "You know we have experience with the Angels." she said, fixing him with her gaze. "You should have asked us."

"Oh..." Touji stood stunned for a few seconds, watching the Angel twitch. He finally tore his eyes from the mess, to look back at Rei. "O-kay." he squeaked. He paused, regaining control of his voice. "U-mm, well, tell me about this one."

"I think not." Rei said.

Of course... he moaned to himself.

"But you said..." He spoke automatically, before stopping himself. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to take control of the tatters of his spread out phyche. Damn it, Touji, shut up! You'll only make things worse! He was interrupted by an appendage on his shoulder. He slowly turned his head to see a very bloody, and very angry, Angel breathing down his neck. It's not dead?? was Touji's instant, frantic thought.

"It has begun regenerating its head, and is now partially functional." Rei said, a faint trace of humor in her voice. "That, I think, will be this reset's lesson," she continued, launching into a fascinating lecture about Angels and regeneration as Zeruel tore him limb from limb. It was to Touji's credit that he was able to remember most of the lecture afterwards. Throughout the experience he felt numb... detached. This was no small feat, especially taking into account the not-inconsiderable jump in his synch ratio, and the resulting increase in sensory-paths between him and his Eva. As death once again came for him, he felt the light touch of his mother's hand on his forehead. She was... crying, he decided. He couldn't tell if it was out of pain, sympathy, sorrow, or some combination of the three.


The four pilots stood against the backdrop of the ruined, post-Third-Impact Tokyo-3.

"Please, forgive me," Touji begged, bowing at the waist, his voice strained. "Take me back! I'd rather you train me."

Asuka let him stand there a while, just looking at him. Finally she nodded.

"Okay."

"Oh thank you!" he flung his arms around her kneck, startling her momentarily. "...so... horrible..." he moaned, taking shuddering breaths. She winced, feeling her hair become wet with his tears.

"Umm... yeah." She said, slowly lifting her arm and hesitantly patting his back. She decided that what sympathy she had, she would give to him right now. The poor guy was on a crash-course. He would have few such moments in the days to come. "Don't worry," she said, giving him a genuine squeeze of affection. "Things are going to be okay." The show of affection, slight though it was, apparently touched something deep inside Touji that had been laid bare by the extreme experiences he had endured over the course of the past weeks. He sobbed in earnest, as Asuka held him, considering the situation. Now that they'd broken him, he could be built up into a proper Eva pilot.

He's one of us, now she thought, as the sun overhead flashed orange off the ocean of LCL.


Author's Notes: Poor poor Touji. I really can't say that enough. He's been caught up in something that is hard to understand in the best of circumstances. By this point in the story, the three Children have begun taking on the characteristics of both of their antagonists: the Angels, and SEELE (and NERV higher-ups). Between the three of them, they each have their pet projects that they don't always share with each other; and the underlying viciousness that each of them now has mirrors the Angels. In a way, Shinji's sometimes-compassionate gestures only make things worse, because they tend to relax Touji's guard when he most needs it up. Touji is truly caught in a very twisted good-cop-bad-cop situation. Asuka, sadly, is the good cop, and that should tell you something. This chapter (and the previous one) are the first honest look we get at where the Children really are right now.