A/N: Heh, welcome to the whole explanation of the plot XD
Why can Stan and Cartman know the secret? Why the fuck was Toby there?! Why does Kyle randomly gain new abilities?! And why the hell is Twin Peaks such an addicting show?!?!
I'm totally retarded, I know XD
Anyhoo, enjoy =D
(THIS IS GOING TO CONFUSE YOU, I GUARANTEE IT!)
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Uncomfortable. Awkward. Just plain annoying. Didn't matter what term you associated with the feeling hovering within the small apartment, but it probably fit just fine. Kenny, Kyle, Stan, and Cartman sat on the couch and chair, staring at each other. The two immortals were given directions from their demonic counterpart to not say a word about the whole powers fiasco until he returned from taking Mitch and the officers back to the prison and setting up a scene for them to follow along with. How he was going to pull that off, Kenny hadn't the slightest idea. But he was the son of Satan, he could probably accomplish a lot.
Kenny looked over at Kyle, who was holding a cup of coffee and still trembling pretty severely. He scooted a little closer to the Jew and wrapped his arms around his frail form. Kyle jumped a bit at first, but soon settled, opting to cuddle in closer to the blonde to feel more protected.
"So..." Cartman started slowly. "Why the hell is Fischbach here?" he nodded towards the unconscious boy that they had placed on the love seat.
Kyle was silent, staring down at the ground with wide eyes.
"Ky?" Stan asked, gently touching his shoulder. Kyle yelped a bit at the contact and dove himself closer into Kenny, burying his face into his chest and shaking.
"Shh, it's okay, Kyle," Kenny said, stroking his hair softly. "It's just Stan...no one's gonna hurt you."
Kyle looked up at him uncertainly, then turned his head back a little to look at Stan, who looked genuinely freaked out over Kyle's reaction. "S-sorry," the poor boy stuttered.
"God, Jew. He didn't get that far, calm down."
Kenny and Stan looked at him furiously. "Didn't get far?!" Kenny spat. "He was fucking attacked, Cartman!"
"It's not like he had a cock shoved up his ass or anything!" He retorted. Kyle let out a long, high pitched sob and threw himself into Kenny's torso again.
"CARTMAN!" Stan yelled angrily.
"What?!" he shouted back. "He's okay! No bruises or anything!" That reminded Kenny...he slowly sat the boy up from his chest, gazing into his bloodshot eyes with a severe twang of heartache. He slowly peeled the gauze off of his face, tossing it onto the coffee table beside them. He slowly stroked the clean complexion of his cheeks lovingly, biting his lip as Kyle continued to shake.
"Holy shit...," Stan breathed. "They're gone..." he shook his head, unbelieving.
"All in time," Kenny looked at him and nodded. Stan nodded back slowly. Kenny turned his attention back towards Kyle and stared into his green eyes. "Kyle...he's gone now. They're both gone," he cupped the boy's chin gently. "I promise you. No one will ever hurt you like that again. I'm going to protect you."
Kyle sniffed a few times and tried to smile at his boyfriend, but just couldn't muster enough to do so. Kenny smiled reassuringly and Kyle leaned in and clasped his little arms around the blonde. Kenny returned the gesture and held on tightly to his little Jew, swaying him gently back and forth.
"Kahl, why is Fischbach here?" Cartman repeated.
Kyle reluctantly pulled back from Kenny and sniffed, wiping his eyes on his arm. "He...he came over to talk about something...he went to the library, but since I wasn't there, Gloria told him where to find me. We didn't get very far into the discussion before....," he trailed off with his voice cracking slightly.
"He tried to protect you?" Stan asked, sliding a little closer to the sniveling redhead.
He shook his head. "Yeah..."
"Kahl. Tell us exactly what happened," Cartman demanded, looking at the Jew determinedly.
"What do you want to know?" He asked, looking back at him.
"He came over. Then what? Tell us what happened." Stan added. Kenny looked at him as well with understanding eyes.
"He...he came over...and I was passed out out here...I had moved awhile ago. Anyways, he came in and we were talking a-about Saturday...he was apologizing...I-it was nice of him," he managed a small smile, to which the other three returned his expression. His grin suddenly dropped however. "Then...M-mitch came. He unlocked the door...and I figured it was you guys, so I didn't t-think much of it...," he bit his lip.
"Then what?" Kenny placed his hand on the boy's knee. Kyle grabbed his coffee from off the table and took a large gulp, trying to swallow down the nerves he'd been building up to that point.
"H-he barged in...he shut the door...and he started coming towards us...I freaked out...he...he called me p-pretty," he shuddered in disgust. "a-and Toby figured out that he was the one who...who...," he shut his eyes and trembled.
Kenny grabbed him again and ran his fingers through his curls. "Shh...it's okay...you don't have to say it. What happened after that?"
He took a deep breath and let it out in a wavering stream. "H-he grabbed me and tried to k-kiss me...," he breathed. "Toby jumped up a-and grabbed me away from him...so they started f-fighting."
"Wow, the jackass has a heart," Stan murmured, looking over at Toby.
"M-mitch hit him...probably the same way he hit y-you," Kyle looked up at the blonde sadly. Kenny nodded him on and Kyle went back to staring at the floor. "After he knocked out Toby, I-I tried to get out...he blocked the doorway, though and grabbed me," he sniffed a few times, trying to hold back another onslaught of tears. "He dragged me into our room and th-threw me on the bed..." he shook his head slowly, biting his lip.
"Kyle, did he like, really hurt you?" Stan asked. "I know that he was holding you down, but did he hit you or anything?"
Kyle looked at him uncertainly then nodded.
"Where'd he hit you?" Kenny demanded.
"He...he didn't hit me..." Kyle said, looking towards the blank TV for a distraction.
"Then what did he do?" Cartman asked. Kyle looked at him and took a shuddery breath.
"I...I don't know how bad it is..." he said, breaking off of Kenny's hold. He fingered the edge of his black night shirt and sighed heavily. He slowly tore it off his scrawny frame, and Kenny's jaw dropped as his back came into view. There was a deep gash trailing down his spine.
"Oh my god, Ky...," Stan shook his head and fingered around the wound gently.
Kenny stood from his seat. "Kyle, lie down," he directed. Kyle looked at him for a moment and nodded. He lied down with his head resting on its side with his back facing towards the ceiling. Kenny kneeled down beside him and gently stroked beside the gash. "Ky...what did he do to you?" he asked as he began to slowly run his hand up and down the wound to start its healing.
Kyle winced and hissed from the sting, but kept his eyes on Kenny. "He...he flipped me over after I w-was on the bed...he said that he liked it when I was like that..." he shook his head sadly. Kenny bit his lip and continued to work on the gash, feeling it slowly but surely beginning to close up. "I wouldn't d-do what he said, so he p-punished me with one of the wire hangers from our closet."
"What'd he tell you to do?" Cartman asked quietly.
Kyle looked up at him and narrowed his eyes. "What do you think?"
"I don't know," Cartman shrugged. "There's a long list of options."
Kyle sighed and his face started glowing. He turned to look towards the side of the room past Kenny's shoulder and bit his lip. "H-he told me to get my ass in the air s-so he could f-fuck me."
Kenny stopped running his hand over the wound and looked at Kyle. Kyle wouldn't meet his gaze. He just stared at the wall as a heavy silence passed over the room. "Did...did he get much farther than that?" Kenny whispered. Kyle finally met eyes with him and sighed.
"Yeah. Yeah he got a little farther."
"What'd he do?" Stan demanded.
"I'd...I'd really rather not say," he bit his lip.
Kenny finished with the wound on his back and helped him sit up. He kneeled in-between Kyle's legs and stroked his face. "Ky, please. Just tell us what he did."
"I...he...," he looked up towards the ceiling and dropped his head to his chest with a deep breath.
"Come on, Kahl. It couldn't have been that bad," Cartman raised his brow.
"It...it was. It was a lot worse than the cut on m-my back."
"What did he do?" Kenny said more firmly, grasping the young boy's hand. Kyle looked at him and bit his lip.
"He...," he swallowed briefly, "he had a gun. It wasn't loaded...he usually uses it to s-scare people."
"So, he just scared you a lot?" Cartman asked. Kyle shook his head.
"No. He...he took it...and he," he took a wavering breath. "He fucked me with it," He looked towards the ground in shame.
Cartman, Kenny, and Stan's mouths all dropped in shock. "N-no..." Stan whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.
"He told me it wasn't loaded afterwards...," Kyle grasped his exposed arms and shivered.
"Oh god...," Kenny stood and sat back down next to Kyle, pulling him in once more and kissing him softly. "God...I wish...I would have gotten here sooner," he whispered.
"Why didn't he use the gun when we got there to scare us?" Cartman pondered.
"He already had what he wanted," Stan said quietly, looking at the redhead. "He already had everything he needed. He knew that we knew that all he had to do was turn his wrist and he could severely hurt Kyle. It wasn't necessary."
"Does...does it hurt, Kyle?" Kenny asked.
Kyle looked up at him and shrugged meekly. "Not as badly as last time...a little, but not as much."
"God, why would he do that?" Stan shuddered.
"To punish me again," Kyle muttered.
"Why? What'd he tell you to do?" Cartman asked
"Two things," he said softly. "One, he told m-me to blow him...and I told him to go fuck himself because I wasn't about to without a fight. And t-two...," he sighed again. "I kept trying to get to the phone. I s-saw Ken's name on the i.d. and knew that y-you were trying to get me out of there."
"The first time I called was about two minutes after he'd left," Kenny said. "There's no way he was already here."
Kyle shook his head, "nope. I was passed out. Then Toby came over and my mind was elsewhere and I didn't get to the phone in time. Then he walked in and obviously I couldn't get to it by then."
"Goddammit," Kenny whispered, looking towards the ceiling, tears coating his pupils. He felt a pair of arms encircle his waist and looked down to see Kyle holding him closely. Kenny turned and sat against the arm of the couch, grasping Kyle and pulling him in in-between his legs to lay down on his chest. He held his head tightly against him and stroked the carrot locks. "I'm so sorry, Kyle," he whispered.
"It's not your fault," Kyle nuzzled into him. "You got me out of there."
"No, you did," a voice called. They all looked over at Damien, standing in front of them with a playful grin across his face. "Ken just happened to be there," he shrugged. "But your pansy 'you saved me' cliche fits well in your romantic endeavors."
"Hey, shut the fuck up, Damien," Kenny growled.
"FINALLY!" Cartman said, throwing his hands in the air.
"Dude, explain everything right now!" Stan said frantically. "How the fuck do you have powers?!"
"Why were you glowing?!" Cartman added.
"What does he mean you can't die?!"
"How long have you been like this?!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, one question at a time," Damien laughed softly. He walked over and sat cross-legged on the coffee table. "Alright, Ken. Explain how you got the powers. Just you, not Kyle."
Kenny blinked at him and looked between Stan and Cartman. Stan walked up and sat on the arm of the chair so that his eyes could see Kenny's face at all times. He sighed and stared at them. "Well, you're both aware that I used to die constantly. I had to because I was...I guess chosen or something for what me and Kyle do."
"Which is?" Stan asked.
Kyle sat up off of Kenny and he sat up straight, grasping the Jews hand and still holding him close. "We hunt down ghosts, to put it quite simply. It's our job to find...restless spirits and help them pass on to Heaven or Hell...though it's mainly to Hell," he added.
"So...you just randomly got powers?" Cartman questioned.
Kenny shook his head. "Not really. I mean, Satan had this planned since I was born."
"Oh no, long before that," Damien grinned. He turned to the two clueless boys and continued, "there was a...I guess you can call it a prophecy. We had been waiting for a soul who was caught in the torrent between life and death, for they would have a decent understanding of what fates fell onto the spirits that they assisted. We waited for thousands of years."
"What happened to the last one?" Kenny asked.
"He died," Damien shrugged. "Remember that your job didn't come equipped with immortality, McCormick."
"What happened to him?" Kyle asked softly.
"He killed himself. He felt as though he were sentencing people to pure torture and couldn't stand it anymore."
"I thought you told me that I couldn't take that way out," Kenny raised his brow.
"We added that rule after him," he smirked. "Anyways, we waited and waited until Kenny finally asked my father about his problem with his constant dying. Kenny became in charge of the most complicated system in the universe."
"Ken's in charge of the IRS?" Kyle asked.
Damien chuckled softly, "very funny, Smartass," he looked back towards Stan and Cartman. "Ken held the power to tip the balance between life and death. His refusal to complete his task could have brought upon the breakdown of the system of the Underworld. So as you can tell, he's kind of vital."
"Why Kenny though?" Stan asked.
Damien shrugged, "I dunno. I think it's just random or something. My father knows more about it than me, but I know enough to know this: we needed a human soul. A pure, completely human soul. Not afraid of being themselves, but still good enough to be willing to work for the benefit of humanity. Ken's a shameless sex hound," he nodded towards the blonde, who beamed proudly as his boyfriend shook his head and chuckled, "but he's a pure spirit. He's willing to help if he's needed and that's why we got him on the job."
"When?" Cartman pondered.
"Kyle's birthday," Kenny said softly, turning towards Kyle. "It's the only reason I could make it before it ended." Kyle smiled and leaned up and kissed Kenny's cheek.
"Well thank you for damning yourself for the rest of our lives just so you could give me a sketchbook," he laughed softly.
"Anything to see you smile," he grinned, kissing him back.
"Alright, kids. Stop making out and focus," Damien rolled his eyes.
"Oh, you're just jealous," Kenny smiled, wrapping his arms around the small Jew, who seemed to be feeling a bit less edgy.
"Yeah, jealous. That's the word," he smirked.
"Okay, so Ken got his powers directly from Satan, but what about Kyle?" Stan asked
"Kyle. Your turn," Damien nodded. Kyle stared at him a minute before swallowing and looking towards his best friend with guilt in his expression.
"No doubt you remember all the shit I put you through last month," he started softly. Stan and Cartman nodded, leaning forward slightly to listen. He took a deep breath and continued, "after I died, Kenny came to save me. That 'deal' we were talking about that he made for my arms wasn't just for my arms. I came back to life, got the same powers as Ken, and we got immortality to top it off. The only reason I'm here right now is this job."
Stan and Cartman's breathing became a little deeper. "So...not modern science?" Stan asked.
Kyle shook his head. "You know how much I hate lying to you, Stan, but we kinda had to."
"Why?" Cartman asked.
"Yes, Damien, explain why Stan and Cartman are allowed to know about this," Kenny raised his brow.
Damien smirked, "okay, I will. You see Marsh and Cartman, under usual circumstances, the holders of this power, Ken and Kyle, cannot tell a mortal of their abilities. The knowledge gives mortals the actual power, and the power is simply too much for a mortal being to be able to hold on their own, their bodies can't handle it, so their lifespan is cut down drastically. Obviously, these two telling you would have made you die quicker and they didn't want to do that."
"Not to Stan, at least," Kyle muttered.
"Ay! Piss off, Jew!"
"Anyways," Damien growled. "My father made a special exception for you two. You can't hold the powers, but you can know about them."
"Why?" Ken asked. Damien simply pointed in the direction of the young Jew.
"Me? What'd I do?" Kyle asked.
"What did you do? You proved to my father that your spirit has its flaws. Your suicide, as I've told you before, has us on edge. You're still a very fragile person and we need to take steps to prevent you from turning to a knife again."
"It's not like I can kill myself again!"
"Ah, true," he nodded. "But as you've all seen," he looked around pointedly at each of them, "you and Kenny can still become critically injured. That's one of the reasons we gave Kenny his healing power," he nodded towards the blonde. "You can still harm yourself."
"But what does that have to do with us?" Cartman asked, gesturing to himself and the ebon boy next to him.
"A lot. You three are the driving force behind Broflovski's life and we can't just sacrifice you. It'd only be a matter of time before you found out, so we figured we needed to hit the nail on the head right away so we didn't run into complications later on."
"Driving force?" Stan repeated.
The demon nodded. "Yes. You keep him alive. His love for Kenny, his friendship with you, and the pure drive of hatred from Cartman."
"Ay!"
"All of these played into his death, and so we decided to make sure these factors wouldn't altar his judgment."
"Wait, wait, wait," Kyle waved his hands in front of him. "For one thing, I don't need Cartman, he just happens to be here. For another, what does this have to do with me killing myself again?"
"Let me ask you something, Kyle," he challenged. "Let's say that this secret of yours slipped to Stan and he only had...six years to live to begin with, but you cut it down to two months by slipping. Would you be able to handle the guilt of bringing him closer to death in such a short amount of time?"
Kyle blinked at him. "So...guilt. You think I'd hurt myself out of guilt."
"Don't deny that you would," he quirked his brow.
"You're...you're probably right," he sighed.
"Even for me? Aw, thank you, Kahl," Cartman batted his lashes.
"Oh shut up, Fatass."
"Ay! You should respect me, Jew! After all, I am a driving force to your existence," he boasted.
"As I am to yours, you fucking lardass, now shut up!" Kyle growled.
"I don't need you to live, Kahl, I assure you."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Damien chuckled. "Kyle is the very force behind all of you, actually."
"Really?" Stan asked.
"Of course," he smiled. "He's the only one who cares about all of you, though some more than others," he looked at Cartman pointedly. "I've had my ears open for a while, waiting for the moment to bring about this little conversation of ours. I heard Kenny talking about how were it not for Kyle, none of you would be together and I can't begin to tell you how true this is."
"But I have a feeling you're going to try," Kenny leaned his hand into his palm and raised his brow.
"Well, no duh," he smirked. He gestured towards the redhead, "Kyle is the connection between you all. His rival status with Cartman keeps them on close terms constantly, though their years of being in such tight quarters has made them extremely protective of one another." Both the redhead and the large boy scoffed and turned away from each other with their arms crossed. Damien continued, "his deep friendship with Stan...well, it's obvious. I've lived a long time and never before have I seen friends able to read emotions by the mere shade of their eye color. Quite incredible, really." Stan smiled at Kyle, who was still looking away from Cartman. His green eyes wandered back over to Stan's direction and he smiled back softly. "And of course," Damien said, "we have Kenny. Now why they're together, I'll never fucking know. But their love for each other is strong enough to withstand Hell itself, so it's gotta be something." Kenny laced his fingers with the Jew's and prompted a larger smile to spread across his pale face. "His connections with all of you have brought you into this group of friends; this little cult as I like to call you," he smirked. "Through him, you've been able to stick it out through almost eighteen years through the wildest shit on Earth and still hang with each other day after day. Though he's the one that connects you all, he needs you more than you need him, believe it or not."
"I find that very difficult to believe," Kenny said, tightening his grip on Kyle's hand.
"Well, believe it," he replied. "Kyle needs Cartman so he always has someone to keep him on his toes. He needs Stan because he just needs a good friend when the time calls. And he needs you, Ken, because he loves you and not having you with him drives him insane. Without awareness, companionship, and love, what is a person? Kyle would have killed himself long before he did were it not for you three."
"I love how you're speaking for me," Kyle raised his brow.
Damien chuckled. "Sorry, but it was asked. I'm here to answer questions. My father commanded it."
"Sweet. What's the next winning lotto ticket?" Kenny asked with a wide grin.
"I believe that it's some sort of paper with a bunch of numbers on it picked by a computer for a winner, but that's not important right now."
"What's the meaning of life?" Stan asked. Damien raised his brow at him and he shrugged. "Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I just wanted to know."
"Yea!" Kyle agreed.
Damien smirked. "The meaning of life is to figure out the meaning of life, you assholes."
"Wait, what?" Stan blinked.
"Aw, no fair," Cartman whined. "You won't give any real answers!"
"I did just give one, Tubs," he rolled his eyes. "Now, can we please continue here?"
"Fine," Kenny crossed his free arm over the one still holding Kyle's hand and pouted childishly.
Damien rolled his eyes and smiled. "You are impossible. Anyways, yeah. Kyle needs you to stay alive so he doesn't hurt himself in a nutshell. Any other questions?"
"Um, we're going to die eventually," Cartman said slowly.
"True, but you're not dying for many years to come, we've made sure of it. Kyle should be in better health by then," Damien shrugged.
"Speaking of dying...I kind of have a question," Kenny raised his hand.
"Yes?"
"We...can't die...so...do we just kinda...stop aging? Or...do we keep on going? I mean, I really can't see us being 243 and walking around solving these cases."
Damien chuckled. "I suppose that should probably be explained. Let me ask you, are you both happy with your appearances right now?"
Kyle and Kenny blinked at each other then back at him. "Um...yea?" Kyle shrugged.
"Of course. We're hot," Ken smirked, sliding his arm around Kyle's waist.
"Well, you'll be back to looking like this after awhile," Damien winked.
"What?" they responded together.
Damien stood from the table and paced in front of it slowly. "You two are not going to age like the rest of humanity. You're going to live twice as long. So instead of passing on at 100, you'll pass at 200 for example."
"We're passing on?" Kenny asked.
"Well, as you said, 243 year olds can't really have that great of health," Damien smirked. "Your physical body is not immortal, hence the reason you get hurt. You won't die from injury, but you can still be harmed pretty harshly as you know." They nodded slowly. "Well, your spirit will pass on to another one of your bodies."
"Wait...what?" Kyle shook his head in confusion.
Damien smiled, "hold tight, I'll show you," he vanished from the room, leaving four very confused boys behind.
"Um...am I the only one with no fucking idea what he's talking about?" Kenny asked.
"No...I'm...I'm with you on this one," Kyle nodded.
"Dude, I don't understand anything about this!" Stan exclaimed. "Ghosts, immortality, deals, I mean, what the fuck is going on?!"
"Stan," Kyle began. "This...this is confusing for Kenny and I, too. Basically, we're here to help save spirits from wandering the Earth for eternity. That's really all there is to it."
"How many have you helped so far?" Cartman asked.
"Eleven," Kyle responded.
"Over a month? That's not much," Stan commented.
"Hey, it's a lot of work," Kenny pouted. "Sometimes they don't know why they're stuck and we have to completely unravel their lives. And we've kinda had some issues the past month in case you've forgotten."
"I've gotta know," Stan said slowly. "Barney and Mitch...was it really just a random person screaming that led you outside? Or was this a ghost issue?"
"Ghost issue," Kyle whispered. "We went to find one in town and we ran into them..."
"Great. Just great. Now I can always freak out that every time you go out to take on one of these things that someone's attacking you," he rolled his eyes.
Kyle smiled at him apologetically. "Sorry, Dude. Not much we can do about it."
Stan looked at him and smiled back. "I know. And I know I obviously can't help with the ghost thing...but if any living being hurts you..."
"You'll be the first person we talk to," he assured him.
"Good," he smirked. They all turned their heads as Damien faded back into view, with something in hand.
"What the fuck?" Kenny murmured. Damien took his parcels and put them lengthwise on the coffee table, showing Kyle and Kenny clones.
"What the fuck?!" Kyle repeated.
"We have bodies ready for you when your ascension begins," Damien smirked.
"Why are they naked?!" Kyle asked.
Damien shrugged innocently. "You come out of the womb naked, don't you?"
"Not at 17!" He went around the table and poked his clone's arm. "It's real skin," his eyes widened.
The demon-boy chuckled. "Well, yeah. Don't forget who my father is, Brof. We have these bodies just lying in a room waiting for you to age."
"This isn't right at all," Kenny frowned, standing and crossing his arms, looking at the clones thoughtfully.
"Whaddya mean? They're clones!"
"No, no, no. Ky's cock isn't long enough," he stroked his chin.
"Kenny!" Kyle protested, his face beginning to glow furiously.
"That's how long it really is, McCormick. Stop trying to get more out of it."
"Oh Jesus Christ!" Kyle slammed his face into his palms.
"Nu uhhhh!" Kenny argued. "I should know how long it is and that isn't it!"
"Ken, seriously!" Stan said.
"Kill me now...kill me now...," Kyle shook his head in embarrassment.
"Kyle, take off your pants, I'm totally proving this," Kenny said.
"Kenny, I am not taking off my pants just so you can compare me to my double!"
"But Kyyyyyllllleeeee," he whined.
"Ken, for one thing, you're being ridiculous," he lectured. "For another, my size shouldn't matter to you!"
"It doesn't! I'd love you if you were like, four inches! But you're bigger than that!" he pointed to the clone.
"Okay, okay, stop," Damien interjected. "McCormick, stop staring at Kyle's cock. Kyle, stop blushing so damn much, you look like a girl."
"Shut up!" he growled.
"And another thing that isn't right!" Kenny shouted.
"What now?!" Damien groaned.
"My clone is lying naked next to Kyle's and their neither holding each other nor aroused and that's just not right!"
"Kenneh," Cartman growled. "Seriouslah, stop."
"Kenny, they're bodies, okay?! Empty bodies! Nothing will work until you two pass on."
"Please just explain this to us," Kyle pleaded. "When will we ascend or whatever?"
Damien looked at him and smiled softly. "Whenever you do," he shrugged. "I honestly don't know. However, I do know this, despite your age, your body and mind will remain the same as the age right before your health starts to deteriorate."
"What do you mean?" Kenny asked.
"Okay. Let's say in human years, you're one hundred. You'll have the body of a 50 year old. When you hit this age let's say...Kyle's lung collapses or something really out there, deeply affecting his health. His body would revert back to the stage right before hand, before his lung gave out and he would stay in that form until he was ready to ascend. Which may be around another hundred years for all we know," he shrugged.
"So, when do we actually like, move bodies?" Kyle blinked.
"Take the years you were originally going to live and double it. You'll be put through a...I guess a fake death. We'll give you a heart attack or something and you'll transfer your spirit and memories to your backups," he gestured towards the lifeless forms in front of him.
"So, we're going to be building centuries of knowledge and reusing healthy bodies...wow...," Kyle gave a short, unbelieving laugh.
"I think it's a bit complicated in some forms, but it's the best we could do. We couldn't have you just not age, but it wouldn't be very fun to keep you going for ninety years at a time, we wanted you to stay out a little longer."
"I think this is cool," Kenny grinned. "Wait, would we have to wait a few years to see each other if we don't 'die' at the same time?"
"Hm. I'm not too sure...," Damien looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Probably not. Considering the fact that you two are a team and need to work together to solve these cases it'd be a little complicated and a bit stupid on my father's part to keep you apart like that. Actually, I'm sure of it. Kyle's time to die would be when he hit 34 if he still had one since he bypassed it by coming back to Earth...and that's too early for our tastes. So it'll be based off of your death day, Kenny."
"I'm so confused," Stan shook his head slowly.
"Get used to it," Damien chuckled. "Even my father scratches his head at this."
"Wait...so...we're just living time and time again...what do we do about school and other stuff?!" Kyle said. "I mean, the governments going to be a bit suspicious of people living for two hundred years and then seventeen year olds just popping up out of nowhere!"
Damien nodded, "that's true. However, don't forget who you work for, Kyle. My father and myself are masters of manipulating the human mind, we can slide you through the system with little trouble."
"Sweet, so we're tax exempt?" Kenny grinned.
Damien smirked, "maybe. We'll see about that later. Now, we've covered the job, immortality, and a few other things. Anything else we need to discuss?"
"Um, how about Jewboy glowing and slamming a man three times his size against a wall?!" Cartman spluttered.
"Ah, yes. Kyle," Damien turned towards the boy and smiled. "How did you feel with your new powers?"
"Um...numb. Very numb...and cold."
"Yeah, it happens," he snickered.
"So why the hell does Kyle get new powers out of no where?"
Damien stopped laughing and looked at the blonde. "He's best qualified to wield their full extent. The way his body reacts to certain circumstances makes him the one we need. You wouldn't have been able to hold all this power and still stay in a stable frame of mind."
"I thought you said that I wasn't stable," Kyle quirked his brow.
He nodded, "you're right. I personally think that giving you the powers so quickly was bad judgment on my part. But the sooner you gained them, the sooner you would understand the importance of getting your emotions under control."
"But the Jew's always on his period, he's never been able to control himself," Cartman pointed out.
"Shut up, Cartman!" he shouted in response.
"See?"
Damien chuckled softly, "yeah, I know," he turned back towards the redhead. "Kyle, I told you not too long ago that your powers waver with your emotion. Kenny, what color are his eyes right now?"
Kenny blinked at him and then looked into Kyle's orbs. "That beautiful green as always," he smiled.
"Hm, well, you better hope they change eventually."
"What? Why?"
"Kenny, when Kyle's aura turned green, you freaked out, tell these two why," he gestured towards Stan and Cartman.
"When a there's a restless spirit, they're green," he shrugged. "They all have an aura around them."
"Right. And other colors?"
Kenny bit his lip and thought. "Pink is when they reach peace before going to the afterlife. Blue...blue is when a person is about to die, but they're at peace. Golden is when they're about to die, but have something that's going to hold them back from Heaven or Hell. Right?"
"I'm impressed," he nodded approvingly. "When Kyle fully died, he became one of them. Kenny could never be one of them since he was guaranteed to return a short amount of time later."
"What about when he had that muscle thing and actually died?" Stan raised his brow.
"We all knew he'd be sent back," Damien shrugged. "We just kept him around longer that time around."
Kyle looked at him confusedly, "what does this have to do with my powers?"
"Once you became one of the dead, you established a connection between your mind and the minds of them. You're closer to them than any mortal could ever hope to be. You may have only been dead a few hours, but nonetheless, you were gone. We really didn't plan on McCormick coming back for you...at least not that quickly...at least I didn't. Never know with my father though. Anyways, your mood or state of being relates to the way a spirit or spirit-to-be would be like. And if you think about it, it makes sense, just look at your other power. You hold a way to be one with the dead in a sense; this just deepens that idea."
"But what are Ky's powers?" Stan asked.
"Depends on his mood," Damien smirked. "Emotions drive his life. Happiness drove him towards life, love and lust drove him towards Kenny, depression drove him towards death. This is true with many mortals, but Kyle is different. His emotions are powerful, but even then he still has some judgement pulling him back and guiding him in some way, shape, or form."
"Apparently not since he decided to become slash-happy," Cartman rolled his eyes.
"Oh, not true. Kyle, tell them how long you were contemplating suicide." All eyes fell towards the young boy, who was staring at his feet in shame.
"Kyle?" Kenny said softly.
"Four years," he replied quietly. Kenny blinked.
"Please don't tell me...," he shook his head.
Kyle looked up at him with glimmering eyes. "I...I knew that if I said something to anyone here, it'd leak back to my parents and all Hell would break loose. I had no idea what to do...I kept telling myself that if I just ignored it or denied it it'd go away. I thought it might have just been a passing phase. Then weeks passed...and months...and before I knew it, three years had gone by and I still hadn't gotten over my feelings. The idea of you not returning my feelings just fucking drove me to the breaking point. It's why I started spending more time with you, too," he admitted shamefully. "I mean, aside from the fact that I like spending time with you, I was hoping I'd find some flaw in you to make my feelings go away...obviously that plan didn't work too well," he smiled sheepishly at the blonde.
"Your feelings drove you to wanting to die?!" Stan shouted desperately.
Kyle looked at him with guilt and sadness plaguing his eyes. "I...I didn't know what to do!" he pleaded. "You try being gay and Jewish! You try being a Broflovski! It's not all lawyer income and matzo balls, you know! You all know that my mother's fucking insane and my dad never stands up to her! The only person in that house I ever could talk to about anything was Ike and he's too young to really understand everything! What would you have done, Stan?!"
"Went to you," he said softly.
"No you wouldn't have, you liar!" Kyle planted his hands on his hips, prompting a snicker from Damien. "Stan, it's not like everything can be solved through each other," he looked at him sadly. "I wish our lives worked like that, but they just don't. You can't stop the strength of my religion just like I could never stop your dad's drinking habits at all your birthday parties...Dude, it just doesn't happen. Sometimes we need to keep some things secret."
"If you hadn't of killed yourself...would we be together?" Kenny asked softly.
Kyle looked at him and smirked softly. "I doubt it...my mom would have killed me in a few days anyway. Poisoned my gefilte fish or something," he sighed. "Look, a lot factored into what I did. Not just Kenny, not just my parents, not just myself. Everything put something into the jar."
"Did I?" Cartman asked with a wide grin upon his face.
Kyle looked at him in a deadpan expression. "What the hell do you think?"
"Excellent," he smiled, leaning back into the chair. Stan whacked him across the head and looked back at Kyle with sad blue eyes.
"Do you still want to die, Kyle?" Damien asked.
Kyle looked at him, not responding. He just stared, his face expressionless.
"Ky?" Kenny grabbed his hand desperately. "You...you still don't want to live?!"
Kyle looked at him and bit his lip, and Kenny felt his eyes welling up with tears. "It'll pass," Kyle whispered.
"WHAT?!" Stan leapt to his feet and grabbed Kyle's shoulders. "What the fuck are you saying?! You're fucking immortal anyways!"
"I know that. Doesn't mean I have to want to live, Stan," he responded quietly.
"But...Kyle...," his voice cracked pathetically.
Kyle pushed himself back off of Stan and glared at him. "Tell me how you would feel, Stan. I just had a gun shoved up my ass by someone who raped me for hours! You really think that I'm just going to brush that off?!" he hissed.
"No, and I'd be even more concerned if you did!"
"Well then stop freaking out! I can't fucking do anything about it, so just stop!"
"No, we can do something," he breathed heavily. "As soon as we're done with our little discussion here, I'm calling a fucking counselor for you because I'm not going to go through sitting at your side in a hospital with slashes in your arms again!"
Kyle narrowed his eyes, and Kenny started to notice they were changing color. "Just who do you think you are?" he growled lowly.
"I think I'm your best friend and I know you better than anybody!" Stan yelled. "You need help and I mean now!"
"Don't you fucking think that you can tell me what to do just because you know me the best! You're not my goddamn parent, Stanley!" he clenched his fists and Kenny gasped as the beautiful emerald of his eyes faded into a ruby red to match Damien's. He looked over at said boy who was watching the young Jew with an amused expression upon his face.
"Kyle, you've said it yourself, you're not healthy!"
"I don't need some fucking stranger reinforcing that idea!" he shrieked. "I'm not going to have them tell me that everything's going to be okay when it's clearly not! I'm not going to be put on some fucking drug just so they can calm me down! I'm not a fucking guinea pig made to test their little psychoanalysis methods!"
"I didn't say that you were!" Stan pleaded. "I just want my best friend back!"
"I'm right fucking here!" he gestured to himself erratically.
"Kyle...," Kenny started slowly, standing up to be closer to the boy. "You're not here," he whispered, shaking his head. "You're not the same."
"Well I'm sorry," he spit angrily. "I just haven't exactly had the best of luck lately."
Kenny cautiously approached him, looking into the now garnet eyes and sighing. He wrapped his arms around him gently and pulled him close. Kyle allowed this, but was heavily tensed. "Ky...," he breathed slowly. "I want you to be happy again."
"I know you do."
"Then you need to talk to someone. Not me, not Stan. Someone who actually can help you. I don't give two fucks if me and Stan are the 'driving force' behind you. We can't delve into your subconscious. You know us too well and you know how to get us to avoid that topic."
Kyle sighed irritably. "I don't want help," he muttered.
"I know you don't. But I love you. I want you to be able to sleep at night again. I don't like listening to you cry...it breaks my heart hearing you so upset." Kyle was silent, just breathing heavily into Kenny's chest. "Please," he continued. "you promised a month would be what you needed. We gave you that month. Now, you need to listen to us and actually try. I know you have been trying on your own, but nows the time to enlist some help from an outside source. I promise that they won't give you drugs or anything. We'll make sure of it," he gently squeezed him for emphasis.
"Yeah, he's already fucked up enough," Cartman snorted. Kyle shot his head towards the larger boy and they all watched as the chair he had placed himself in flipped over with him under it.
"Holy shit!" Stan screamed.
"What the fuck?! Dumb Jew!" Cartman shouted from underneath the seat.
Kyle snorted, "you deserved it, Fatass."
Damien clapped slowly. "Bravo, bravo," he nodded as Cartman pushed himself out from his confinement. "Kyle, I may have underestimated you. You do have some level of control. You held the power within for a fairly decent amount of time before unleashing it. I'm very impressed," he grinned. "And you're already calming down," he nodded.
Kenny looked at the Jew and caught sight of his eyes, seeing a familiar green plaguing them once more. "What are his powers?" Kenny breathed.
"I don't know of all of them," Damien shrugged sheepishly. "My father just told me to give them to him. Didn't explain 'em or nothin'."
"Great," Kyle muttered.
"Cheer up. You'll figure em out soon enough," he smiled. "You're a smart kid. You know that you have the power to send people flying away from you," he chuckled. "That's a pretty great asset."
"That's true," Kenny mused.
"This is just too much to take in," Stan sat back down on the couch and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Damien smirked at him, "you're right. It's an awful lot for just one sitting. Why don't we continue this later if more questions arise, hm? Honestly, I'm exhausted from talking so much."
"Fine," Kenny murmured, still clasping Kyle protectively.
"Listen to me," Damien started, looking at Stan and Cartman. "You are NEVER to tell anybody about this, are we understood?"
"What happens if we do? I mean, we can't transfer the power or anything," Stan raised his brow. Damien smiled and looked towards Kenny.
"Condition number three applies to them in a different sense, McCormick. Their only responsibility in this ordeal is to keep the secret. If they spill, you lose, do you understand?"
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Kenny shouted, tightening his grip around his Jew. "You...you can't do that!"
"Actually I can," he smirked. "I suggest you find a way to make sure that nothing interferes with your responsibilities. Remember that they have control over your possession, too," he raised his brow. "Its fate rests with all of you."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Kyle blinked. Kenny looked down and stared at him.
"Don't you remember?"
"Remember what?"
Damien walked over and ripped Kenny away from Kyle and dragged him away to speak privately. "My father made it so he doesn't remember that portion of the conversation," he whispered. "You cannot tell him, alright? I mean, you can, you won't be punished or anything...but I don't think that it'd be a smart idea. It may cause some problems to arise in the future."
"O-okay...what do I tell Stan and Cartman?"
"Tell Stan the truth. Don't tell that to Cartman, though. He may find too much joy in holding the strings on Kyle's life." Kenny nodded in agreement. "Tell him that his life is dependent upon it," he suggested.
"Well...what do I tell Kyle?" Damien blinked and looked over at the young Jew briefly.
"Tell him the truth, too. Just not so directly as to tell him that it's him on the line."
"So, just tell him I lose a possession?"
"Basically, yes. It'd work, I'm sure," he shrugged.
"You don't sound to confident," he raised his brow.
"Okay, so you may have to find a better lie than that," he smiled sheepishly. He stood straight and stretched. "Well, it's been fun, but I really need to get back to Pops and report," he addressed them all tiredly. Kyle broke into another coughing fit and he raised his brow. "Broflovski, get some more meds in you. You're starting to let it wear thin."
"What's going to happen with that deranged fucker?" Stan asked, standing beside Kyle and gently patting his back to coax out his hoarse coughs.
"He's in jail. I've manipulated the cops into thinking that they arrested him. Everything should be okay." he looked over at Fischbach, still unconscious on the love seat. "He should be fine," he motioned towards him. "when he wakes up, explain what happened and all should be okay," he smiled.
"Thanks, Dude," Kenny said, patting his shoulder.
"Of course. I'm always willing to help," he grinned. "Marsh and Cartman," he looked at them, "remember to keep quiet. Trust me, it won't be pretty otherwise. You're rather lucky to have learned of this secret, you've been entrusted with the secrets of a god, so don't be fools and betray that trust. Kyle," he changed direction and walked in front of him, placing his hands on his small shoulders. "You...you've been through a lot. And I mean a lot," he emphasized. "I need you to remember that you work for us now. We need you at full cooperation. I want you to get help. I know you don't want to, but trust me, it will do you a lot of good. We need to expel these problems because we don't want you depressed throughout eternity, do you understand?"
Kyle nodded softly. "Fine." Damien grinned at him and patted his shoulder before turning back to Kenny as he picked up their clones from off the table.
"Ken. Kyle. Keep up the good work. Things are finally falling back into place," he smiled. "Catch ya around," he winked before fading off again.
The boys stared at each other, trying to think of the best way to approach the subject once again.
"Well..., ahem," Stan cleared his throat. "I'm gonna...make that call for you, Ky," he jerked his thumb back towards the kitchen.
Kyle sighed and looked at him. "Fine. I'm coming, too. I gotta get some medicine and we can order us some food. I think we all need it," he grumbled.
Kenny walked up to him and grasped his chin. "Ky? Are you mad at me?"
"Why would I be? It's not your fault I'm like this," he laughed brokenly.
"Yeah it is," he winced. "Kyle, I'm so sorry that I made you so depressed..."
"Sorry if I get you sick," Kyle muttered.
"Sick?" Kenny blinked. "Why would you-"
He was cut off by Kyle yanking him down and mashing their lips together forcefully. Kenny looked towards Stan and Cartman, who were watching with slight nausea tracing their faces. He closed his eyes and grabbed Kyle's head, pulling him in closer and pressing back into him with equal force. Kyle dove his tongue into his mouth and he returned the favor, feeling the sweet caress of the damp muscle and shivering just slightly. They pulled back and Kenny stared at his lover surprised. Kyle pushed some of the blonde's hair out of his face and smiled. "You didn't make me depressed. I did that to myself. You made me happy... happy enough to make me ward off killing myself for so long. It was only when I thought that I had lost you that I actually fell so far. Kenny, I don't want to lose you."
Kenny reached up and pulled the pendant from under his shirt, watching with delight as Kyle's eyes lightened up. "I'm never taking it off," he assured him. "You'll never lose me so long as you promise to stay with me."
Kyle bit his lip and smiled, and Kenny noticed his eyes gain slight speckles of pink amidst the green. "I have no intention of leaving you, I promise," he hugged him tightly against himself. Kenny smiled back and clasped him back just as tightly. He looked over at Cartman and Stan, who were standing and observing with gentle expressions upon their features. He smirked at them and buried his head into Kyle's hair and swayed him back and forth a few times. Kenny couldn't hold back a few stray tears that rolled down his cheeks, but he could not place exactly where they derived from.
Perhaps it was his fear; the fear that Kyle was still so unhappy, still lively to snap under pressure and place himself in harm's way once more. Perhaps it was his anger; his utter hatred of the man who had so violated Kyle...who had hurt him so. Perhaps it was his relief; that his Jew was in his arms and not those of a maniac with the intention of hurting him. Relief that he and Kyle now had people there with them who understood why they were going to be running off at times.
Or maybe, just maybe, it was his happiness that caused his tears. They were hurt. They had been thrown against walls and beaten until they had almost hit submission. They had faced foes too strong for them to have been able to conquer, but they had. Together in strides, they stood beside one another through the hurt, the bad, and the love. Together, they could withstand eternity and bring inner peace to others, and perhaps, one day, they could even bring peace to themselves as well.
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A/N: Dear god this was confusing for me, so I know it is for you!
Questions? Ask 'em! I'll answer them on my next a/n or sometime within the plot. Stan and Cartman knowing plays a large portion of this story eventually...and it's just easier on me to not make excuses for the boys to go running off on their adventures XD
Not a long chapter, but I figured I destroyed your brains with my logic of nonlogicalness so this was enough XD
And the immortality thing took me months to figure out how to execute it, lol. God, I spent hours on end trying to think of a good way to make it work. I think it'll work well...and I got to throw in some humor to accompany it, so it's all good XD
Thanks for R&R-ing!
PS: on a totally unrelated but totally related note, I ordered some SP dolls from Amazon and I totally have Kyle and Kenny beside me for inspiration. I usually position them so they look like they're making out and my parents walked in once and they're just like, "WTF?!"
teehee. Catch ya next time!
