Title: There's No Such Thing as a Hot Grandpa
Summary: Grandpa, an old man who is two generations older than you and turns up to family events smelling of tobacco and scotch. Doesn't really describe Edward does it? It will now. Follow Edward and his fifteen year old make their way through life as patterns of family history begin to repeat themselves.
Rated: M because well we're going to be talking about making babies here!
Pairings: EXB and RX? Everything will be clearer in the end.
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are those created by Stephanie Meyer, but Dylan is all mine people!
Bella
I was ginourmous.
No I mean it, I was two weeks off my due date and I was freaking huge.
The size of my stomach was freaking comical.
My pregnancy had been great so far and I was reaching the end now, so now I just uncomfortable. Everything had become a lot more settled though which was amazing. Ness and Lela had formed a tentative relationship and Dylan was ecstatic at the prospect of becoming a big brother.
This time everything really was falling into place.
"Edward?" I called as I carefully walked down the stairs.
"Yes Love?" he asked running up the rest of them to help me walk down them. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I swallowed a beach ball" I told him as I settled down on the couch.
"You should really be in bed." He said sitting down beside me.
"I want to at least say hi to the kids when they come in from school" I told him as I heard the car pull up.
"Fair enough" Edward said kissing the top of my head.
"Mommy!" Dylan yelled running in.
"Well that's never good" I said trying to sit up. He ran in his eyes wide and his face red.
"Dylan what is it?" I asked worried.
"I don't know what Jake is doing but Nessie is getting very mad" He said looking scarred.
"What did it sound like he was doing?" Edward asked
"Lela said it was called proposing?"
"WHAT?!" Edward and I said in unison.
Renesmee
"Thank god highschool is nearly over" I said as Jake and I walked hand in hand towards the car. "Just three short months and we are out of here."
"Amen" I heard Lela cheer behind me.
"I can't believe we got accepted into the same college" Jake said shocked and I nodded.
"I know it seems really surreal" I said as we pulled out of the parking lot. As we did we drove past Mike and I felt the urge to glare.
"Ness, it's alright" Lela said squeezing my hand.
"I'm just... as soon as I never have to see that bastard again the better" I told her and Jake as we drove towards my Grandma's house to pick up Danny.
"I know Babe, I know" Jake said.
My new reason for wanting to murder Mike?
Two months ago he had gotten Jessica Stanley... you guessed it. Pregnant.
But Jessica's father did what any God fearing man would do, loaded his rifle and drove them to the local chapel. Nothing says romance like a shotgun in the back. But after the marriage license went through Jessica demanded that Mike quit coming over to see Danny and he cut all ties off with me.
Let's just say Dad was livid.
It was all Mom could do to stop him going over and beating the living shit out of Mike.
We sued Mike for basically child abuse, and we got a nice settlement out of it as well for Danny plus Mike was forced to sign over his rights. But it still didn't mean I was happy that Mike literally dropped my baby boy like he was yesterday's trash.
But Jake's got a pretty good right hook so I had let some of my anger go, it was hard not to feel smug whenever I saw Mike's black eye.
"I'll run in and get the baby" Lela volunteered when we pulled up and I nodded thanks.
Once she was inside Jake turned to face me with a smirk on his face.
"What are you smiling at Black?" I asked him.
"I'm just really in love with you" He told me and I smiled.
"Don't you know how to make me smile?" I asked leaning over and kissing him.
Just as we pulled away and Lela got into the car I heard him whisper it so faintly I barely even heard it.
"Marry me Nessie"
Lela
Now I'm not one to gossip nor am I one to you know ever be in the loop but there I was sitting in the back of the car after one of the biggest going ons of this school year had taken place.
"I can't believe you just said that" Ness practically shrieked as we pulled out of Grandma's driveway.
"Why not Baby?"
"Because we're seventeen, the only reason we're finishing high school this year is because we just about qualify to" She hissed as we drove in the direction of Grandpa Charlie's house.
"Ness, Danny's asleep" I reminded her.
"Well thank God, I wouldn't want him seeing the moment Jake completely lost it" She said as we pulled up outside the Chief's house. As soon as the car stopped Dylan ran out. He was eager to get home and see how Mom and the baby were doing, especially as Mom was about ready to pop at this stage.
"What's going on?" he asked as we both listened to Ness and Jake argue back and forth.
"Jake proposed to Ness" I told him.
"What the hell does that mean?" he asked when we pulled up at the house.
"Dylan go in and get Dad" I told him and he jumped out of the car. I lifted the baby out and left the two of them in the car arguing when Mom and Dad came running out on the porch. Well Dad ran while Dylan helped Mom with her waddling.
"Oh that boy is an idiot" Mom said and Dad shook his head.
Edward
I was this ready to shooting the idiot.
The only thing blocking me?
I didn't have a gun
I could strangle him though, I had that equipment.
I was born with it.
"Edward" Bella warned grabbing the back of my collar as I walked towards the car, where Ness was currently screaming at Jake. I stopped and look back "I think she's got it" Bella said. And she was part right. Ness was pretty much a tyrant when she wanted to be.
"Oh but she won't make a mantelpiece out of him like I will" I told her trying to walk towards the car.
"Edward" Bella said but I was more focused on Ness who I think was going to kill Jacob in the next couple of minutes. I needed to plan where we were going to hide the body. Bella's grip tightened on my shirt collar.
"Bella I'm not going to kill..." I began when Dylan jumped.
"Ew Mommy peed herself" He stated.
I turned quickly my eyes widening.
"Is that...?" I began looking at the liquid on the ground.
"Yes" Bella said the colour draining from her face.
"People wouldn't believe me if I told them about this family" Lela said as she readjusted Danny on her hip.
"Dylan, grab the baby bag, Lela break up the happy couple." I said as I helped Bella into the house so she could get changed.
Renesmee
"Are you crazy?" I asked him.
"No Ness, I love you. Come on we don't have to do this like tomorrow but I want it to be official." He said.
"You want to tie yourself down to a teenage Mom?" I asked him "Are you certifiable Jake? Because really right now I'm thinking of having you tested."
"Ness we've both know since the day Danny was born he's been my son" Jake said and I sighed.
How was I supposed to fight that?
"Jake you'll hate us one day" I told him.
"No I won't. Danny might not be mine biologically and maybe I am an idiot for suggesting it now but I don't want to college just as your boyfriend Nessie" He said. "Now come on I love you, marry me Baby please?"
"Jake..." I began to answer him when the door was yanked up.
"Hate to break this up but Mom's water just broke" Lela said and I sighed.
"Can we just get one freaking normal day?" I asked getting out of the car and taking Danny into my arms.
"Says you" Dad yelled at me having obviously heard me as he lead Bella to the car. "Now come on" He said. "Jake you take Danny and Dylan to Charlie's. Ness and Lela, car now"
"Why do the girls get to go?" Dylan yelled.
"Because Dylan it's really boring. Believe me" Bella said. "You can come and see me once the baby is born" She told him and he nodded but still looked fairly upset.
"Guys give us a minute" She asked and we all pretended to be doing something that didn't look like panicking.
Bella
"Come here Buddy" I said wrapping my arms around him. "Now I need you to be a big boy and mind your nephew for me while I do this k?" I asked him and he nodded.
"Love you Mommy" He said.
"Love you too Dylan" I said kissing his forehead.
"Okay and make sure to watch Grandpa too" I said as Jake came and scooped him up and put him on his back. "Thanks Jake and really you are an idiot"
"An idiot in love" He said with a smirk causing Edward and Ness to make a face. Lela just tried to look like she wasn't laughing.
"Edward, come on" I said as we all got into the car. Edward threw the keys to Ness and Lela sat in the passenger seat, while he jumped in the back with me.
"Floor it" Edward said as we pulled out of the drive and Ness nodded.
"So he proposed?" I asked Ness.
"Can you believe that idiot?" she asked me as we drove in the direction of the hospital. "I really wish I could smash his skull right now."
"So you're going to say yes then?" I asked.
"How do you know everything?" she asked.
"Wait what?" Edward asked.
"Oh come on Dad you knew this would happen one day" Ness said as we drove up to the hospital.
"Like hell I did..." He began when I grabbed his hands.
"Agh" I hissed.
"Contractions Mom?" Lela asked and I nodded.
"Ness, grab a wheelchair" Edward said.
"Okay" She said parking in the ambulance bay and jumping out of the car.
"We can't park here!" Lela yelled out the door.
"And Mom can't have the baby in the back of the car!" Ness yelled back.
"Girls stop yelling we're already the family with grandkids older than my own kids we do not need to be the family who yell at each other in the drive of the hospital" Edward stated as another contraction hit me.
"Shit" I cried out.
"Got the wheelchair" Ness called off and Edward jumped out of the car and lifted me on to the wheelchair.
Edward
I wheeled the chair inside, Lela following me with the bag while Ness went to pack the car.
"How can I help you?" The nurse asked me as I pushed the wheelchair up to the desk.
"My wife is having our baby" I told her as Bella gripped my forearm as I said, another contraction hitting her. "Now" I added.
"Oh well come on I'll get you a room in the maternity ward" The nurse said. She brought us up and helped Bella get settled.
Angela appeared in the door with a smirk on her face.
"Baby time?" she asked.
"Don't be smug" Bella muttered. "This is gonna be you in eight months" She hissed.
"Angela you've got a bun in the oven?" Ness asked from the couch where she and Lela were sitting.
"Yeah, I would ask you to babysit but you have a twenty four seven gig with that right?" she asked pulling Bella's legs in the stirrups.
"Hey, hey, hey"
"No Mom it's a valid argument" Ness said and Bella shook her head.
"Yeah I know I was telling her to be easier with you know my legs, the joint between them is a bit sensitive at the moment." Bella said pouting at Angela.
"Okay anyone who is a product of either of the baby's parents get out" Angela said and the girls got up and walked out. "So Bella you're about four centimetres dilated so hopefully this is going to be quicker then when you had Dylan" She said.
"Wait how long was your labour with Dylan?" I asked Bella.
"Twenty eight hours" Bella said shaking her head. "Hurt" She said. They got her hooked up to the monitors and she handled her ten hour labour pretty well, before Angela told her it was now time to push.
"Baby, come on" I urged kissing her forehead.
"Oh" She squeaked before letting out a strangled scream as the head came out.
"Okay Bella, I'm just turning the shoulders now"
"Angela if you break my baby I'll kill you" Bella hissed and Angela nodded. I was excited now that I knew we were past the rough part. Every time we had gone to the doctors the baby had had its legs crossed so we didn't see what the sex was. Ness joked that if it was a girl she was better behaved than she was already with her legs already crossed.
"One, more big push Bella" Angela said as Bella panted.
"That's it Bella" I told her as she pushed.
And then Bella wasn't the only one letting out cries. I fought against my urge to look until Bella nodded letting me know it was okay.
I turned to see Angela smiling down at my little baby.
"Well Daddy do you want to cut the cord?" Angela asked and I nodded.
My hand shook a little as I did.
"Well what did we get?" Bella asked trying to sit up. I rolled my eyes at her, did she ever stop?
"Well it was a fifty chance" I told her.
"Shut up you" She said as the nurse adjusted the bed so she could sit up properly.
"Here is your beautiful little girl" Angela said and Bella broke into a breathtaking smile. "You wanted a girl?" Angela asked placing our baby on Bella's chest.
"No but on the sonogram her legs were closed" Bella said tears in her eyes. I couldn't help it I laughed, Angela realising what she said cracked up laughing aswell.
"Oh that's rich Mom, we all know when you had me" Lela called from outside the door.
"Can we come in now?" Ness called.
"Not yet girls, wait until we get them both back up to the private room." Angela called before taking the baby off Bella and handing her to the nurse, Bella tensed as she did.
"Sweetheart there just taking her to be cleaned off" I whispered and she nodded though her eyes were widened. "You did so good" I told her.
"Couldn't have done it without you" She said leaning her head against my chest. The nurse helped her get changed before I wheeled her back upstairs and lifted her into bed.
"Here she is" Angela said wheeling in a crib not an hour later.
"Oh my God" Bella said sitting forward a bit.
"You wanna go to your Momma?" Angela asked lifting my beautiful little girl up out of the bed.
"Oh Edward look at her" Bella said as Angela nestled the baby in her arms.
"She's perfect" I told Bella sitting on the edge of the bed beside them.
"Any names being thrown around here yet?" Angela asked and Bella blushed.
"Not really" She said slightly embarrassed. "We just haven't come up with one we both like yet" She explained and Angela nodded.
"Let me know" She said before walking out of the room.
"Do you want to hold her?" Bella asked as we stared down at our little baby no name.
"Yes" I said excitedly and Bella smiled as she slid are little pink bundle into my awaiting arms. "Oh aren't you gorgeous, just like your Mommy" I cooed while Bella giggled.
"Smooth" I heard Ness mutter before a flash of a camera came on.
"Well that's number one for the album" Lela said.
"Let me see" Dylan said pushing between the two of them. "What did I get?" he asked climbing up onto the bed.
"Dylan this is your baby sister" Bella said as I tilted the baby towards him.
"Another girl?" he asked.
"Yup" I said.
"She's so small" He said kneeling up on his knees to get a better look at her. "But really pretty"
"Thanks I grew her myself" Bella said as I sat down on the bed beside Dylan.
"And what father is the lovely concoction you've created to curse the little angel with?" Renesmee asked.
"Hey your name is cool" I said although I couldn't take my eyes off the sleeping baby, she was so perfect. Her eyes, for the brief moment they had been open, were sky blue so I had inklings that they would be my eyes and her small tufts of hair were chocolate brown.
"For a nasal appliance" Ness muttered.
"So come on what's her name?" Lela asked peeking in at the baby. "Wait Ness where's your one?"
"With the idiot" Ness said crossing her arms. "Don't get me started on him"
"Daddy what's her name?"
"Why are you all asking me?" I asked them.
"Because Mommy is asleep" Dylan said and I looked to see Bella eyes shutting.
"Love do you want to wait until after you've had a nap to name her?" I asked but she shook her head.
"No, come on we had a short list let me hear it again" She said.
"Well there was Anna?"
"Bleh" Ness said.
"That's a no then" Bella said yawning.
"Hannah?"
"No" Lela stated.
"Maria?"
"Ew" Dylan said.
"Okay then two more here guys after that I'm stumped." I told them.
"Well its original but you'd never fit it on a birth certificate" Ness said. Lela took care of whacking her across the back of the head for me seeing as I was holding the baby.
"Ella"
"Not a chance in hell" Bella said.
"Strong reservations Mom?" Lela asked.
"I hate my name I would not force it on my children" Bella stated shaking her head.
"Well that leaves us with Sophia" I told them.
"Aw" Lela and Ness said in unison.
"Yeah go with that one" Dylan said.
"Why didn't you start with that" Bella said looking at the baby. "Sophia Cullen, its fits her so good."
"So Sophia Grace Cullen?" I asked everyone and they nodded.
Holding my little Sophia I knew everything was going to be good in the future no matter what.
Renesmee
I walked out into the waiting room to see Jake and Grandpa Charlie sitting in the seats. Danny was sitting on Jake's lap facing him, they were playing clapping games.
"Grandpa, Mom's asking for you" I said.
"Have they named the little one yet?" he asked standing up.
"Sophia Grace" I said with a smile thinking of my new little sister who was absolutely doll like, she was so cute.
Charlie beamed as he made his way back to Bella's room. I sat down beside Jake and held my arms open, Danny mirrored the action letting me know he wanted to come over to me. I wrapped my hands around him and lifted him onto my lap.
"Mmmmnnnn" That's as far as we had gotten to Mama but it was a work in progress.
"Hello Baby Boy" I said kissing the top of his head. "Did you make sure to pee on Jakey like I told you to?" I asked him in the baby voice.
"Hahaha very funny" Jacob said sarcastically.
"You have to realise how stupid we would be to do this now" I told him.
"I'm not saying we do it tomorrow. I'm just saying let's agree that we'll do it soon" He said as I played with my son's hands.
"I just... you know I'm sick of being told I'm too young to do stuff." I said "And if I say yes that will just bring on the onslaught of 'You're too young for marriage' plus Jake how do you know you'll be happy being a husband and a Dad so early on before you get to have your own life?"
"Because I already am his Dad Ness, not biologically but in every other way I'm Danny's Dad. And I love you so much, I know everybody says you think you meet your soul mate in highschool but I know I have." He said quietly.
"Well then I suppose I'm going to have to say yes" I said with a smirk.
"Yes?" he asked.
"Well not a yes for straight away but I'm thinking maybe summer after freshmen year of college?" I asked.
"I can agree to that" He said. He leaned in and kissed me quickly but all the emotion was behind it.
Somehow even after I fucked up royally my life was working out.
Figures.
Review please.
Love The Irish Cullen.
