Italics is Olivia thinking to herself.
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Elliot and Olivia had proceeded to the couch after making soup and grilled cheese for dinner.
Elliot noticed she wasn't acting like herself, even before the mercy game. He could tell something wasn't right. She was staring at the TV with a zoned look, almost like a zombie. He knew he had to push her to tell him.
"Liv.." She didn't budge.
"Liv, are you okay?" He reached to touch her and she blinked while she was snapped out of her daze.
"What?" She looked at him puzzled.
"I asked if you were okay."
"Yeah, great. Why?"
"You haven't been acting right. I mean after I got home you wouldn't let me touch you. You did, but you were jumpy. Was it the nightmare before I left this morning?"
She was going to tell him about the episode she had after he left, she just didn't know how.
"Yeah. That's what it was." She attempted a grin, but he could tell she was still not being truthful. He also didn't want an argument to ensue if he got to pushy.
"You realize you were just in a daze for at least 5 minutes. It was like you were asleep with your eyes open."
Yeah cause every time I close them I see him.
He grabbed her hand. "Liv, I need you to know that no matter what it is, I'm not going to judge you or yell or run away. I am here. Sitting here, with you, because I love you."
She hesitated for a few seconds. "I love you too El." That's not why she hesitated. The pain of telling him that she wasn't strong enough to do this on her own was killing her.
"Liv...tell me," he almost whispered.
She was tearing up. "How can I tell you when I can't even comprehend what happened?"
"Comprehend what?"
"This morning..." She looked down because she felt ashamed and didn't want to look him in the eyes. "This morning, after you left...I had another nightmare." That's the first part, barely scratching the surface.
She pushed her hair behind her ear as a nervous habit. He looked at her, knowing how painful this was for her.
"Okay, is that all?" He was okay with that answer but knew she had more to say.
"It wasn't right. I was in the kitchen not even asleep. I was getting coffee..." That's the second part, barely. Tell him. He loves you no matter what.
"I was in the kitchen getting coffee. I fainted, which I didn't even realize I had til I woke up." Your actually saying this. He must think your nuts. "While I was out, I had a nightmare..."
Almost done.
Tears started streaming down her face.
How is he even looking at me? I must look horrible and weak.
"Uhm...the nightmare...Harris..." She could hardly get the words out. This was worse than talking to the therapist.
Take control of your life. Harris doesn't control you anymore. Olivia, do it. Tell him.
"Harris...was in the apartment. He almost...raped me. I woke up before that." She was still so thankful she woke up before that.
"Liv, you don't have to go through this alone. I am here every step of the way." He reached up and wiped the tears from her eyes. "No matter what. I have your back," he said reassuringly.
"I know you do." She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I feel...so weak."
"You just showed me how strong you are by telling me. I don't ever wanna hear you say that." He looked at her seriously, almost angry she would say she was weak. "You are the most beautiful person in the world. I've never met anyone like you, and I love you because of that."
She looked at him, then looked down again.
"There's one other thing El."
She wasn't going to tell him but thought he deserved to know, about the therapist visit.
"I went to the therapist today. I haven't been there in 6 months. I am trying to work my way through what happened and trying to take control of my life but that's easier said than done. She said that the nightmares are a sign that something is going wrong in my life, or that I'm still hanging on to something." She paused.
"I'm hanging on to a lot of things. She wants me to...forgive my mom for what she did to me." She started tearing up again. "How do I forgive my mom for what she did? Dr. Pylen said I have to figure it out on my own because everyone deals with things differently and heals differently."
"The challenge the doctor gave you was to find the strength to forgive your mom and move on with your life," Elliot summed up.
She chuckled a bit at his answer. "Are you sure you weren't meant to be a psychologist?"
"I'm pretty sure I wasn't meant to be one, but maybe my ass should go back to school."
"I would love to see you doing homework every night," she told him sarcastically. He always knew what to say, and it never ceased to amaze her.
Elliot got a cocky look on his face, realizing she seemed better than she did a few minutes before. "Liv, so earlier, when you did what you did to me, it wasn't fair." He kissed her. She kissed him back, willing to go where they had gone the night before. She felt so much better knowing she wasn't going through this alone.
His phone rang. "Dammit." He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his cell.
"Stabler. Kathy? Why the hell are you- oh really? Is that all? You want to do what? Okay. We'll see how that goes. Bye bye now," he said sarcastically as he shut the phone quickly before Kathy could piss him off more.
Before Olivia could ask what it was about he was calling Casey Novak.
"Hi, Casey? Elliot Stabler. My ex-wife just called me. She has officially gone cuckoo."
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So, what did Kathy tell Elliot on the phone? What happens at Nathan's trial? What happens with Olivia's PTSD? Does she take the doctor's advice? So many questions left to answer! and I am sure there will more questions created as the story progesses too. lol.
