"Um, big brother?"
"Hm?" I looked up from where I was lying on the couch to see an upside-down harpy. Suu, who'd been lying on my chest in her small blob form to relax, mimicked me. "What's up, Papi?"
She shifted about where she stood, folding her wings behind her. Finally, clearly looking uncomfortable, she told me, "Papi's gonna lay eggs."
Crash!
"Whaaaaat?!" Miia shrieked from the kitchen, having dropped a plate in shock.
"Papi! Have you and Master been engaging in ins-s-salubrious acts?!" Centorea demanded, the momentary distraction leading to her death via repeated impalement. In Dark Souls, by the way, not in real life. In case I needed to clarify.
"The drama thickens!" Mero cheerfully commented from the sidelines.
Suu booped me on the chin.
"Calm down, calm down," I told them, gently moving Suu to the side so I could sit up. "I'm guessing it's unfertilized, right?"
"Mhm," Papi nodded, biting her lip.
Miia and Centorea let out sighs of relief in unison, though Mero looked slightly disappointed.
"So Papi, do you lay eggs every day, like a chicken?" Miia asked, a slight smirk on her lips.
"I don't! Only ever once in a while!" Papi cried, before growing shy again, "But this is the first time it's happened since I came to Japan, so I'm a little nervous…"
I nodded. "Alright, want me to call Smith-san, then? She'd probably know what to do best in this situation." And if I could avoid having to help her lay the egg, too, that'd be nice. I wasn't opposed to helping her, so I would if I had to, but if there was a chance that I or Kurusu could avoid that awkward situation, I'd gladly take it.
Which reminded me, I should get ready to mind the door once a certain perverted asshole comes knocking.
Papi nodded, and I began dialing Smith's number. As I did so, the front door opened, followed Kurusu calling out "I'm home!" Looked like I only had a little time left until the Director showed up. I quickly explained the situation to Smith, who said she'd send people specifically trained in helping with this sort of thing, and then hung up.
While the girls greeted Kurusu, I offered him a "Yo" before peering out the front window. Sure enough, a totally-legit white van with "Cultural Exchange Project Filmworks" printed on the side rolled up in front of the house. I took a deep breath to brace myself.
"Um, Juyo?" Mero asked. "What are you doing?"
"Someone shady just pulled up," I told her, and grabbed everyone else's attention. "I think I've heard of these guys before, so I'm gonna handle it."
"You sure?" Kurusu asked, hefting up his bag of groceries.
I nodded. "Yeah. Besides, some Cultural Exchange people are on their way over to help Papi lay her egg, so if these guys are still around then they'll be spooked off soon anyway."
"If you say so," Kurusu said, walking toward the kitchen. "Just be careful, alright?"
"Yeah, yeah."
Ding-dong!
"Alright then…" I reached for the door handle, before noticing that Mero and Suu were lingering while the rest followed Kurusu. "… You guys not gonna leave?"
"We just wish to cheer you on!" Mero declared. Suu smiled and gave me a thumbs-up.
"Uh, thanks," I feebly responded, feeling my ears warm up more than I would've liked. I cleared my throat and reached for the door.
Well, here goes nothing.
"EXCUSE ME!" hollered a short man right as I swung the door open, shoving a microphone in my face. "Is there a harpy about to lay eggs here?! We heard you talking from outside and just had to stop by!"
…
I don't hate easily. It usually takes a lot over a long period of time for me to actually hate someone.
But as I looked down at the Director, noting the lecherous grin crossing his face and knowing full well that he planned to just get lewd shots of the girls, I was damn near close.
"I don't see why that should concern some random stranger like you," I practically growled, slowly lifting my eyes at the rest of his crew. "Strangers," I corrected myself.
"Ah, how rude of me! I'm a movie director, you see, for the Cultural Exchange. The name's Kisegi." He flipped out a slip of paper from his pocket. "My card."
"Neat," I replied dully, pocketing the card without looking at it. "Well, if we need a movie director for whatever reason, I'll be sure to give you a call. Deuces."
A hairy hand caught the door I was about to close in his face. "Actually, we're currently making a documentary for the Exchange, and we were hoping we could film your house to see how these lovely girls are adapting!" Kisegi sort-of asked, trying to force himself through the door. "We beg of you, in the name of journalism and friendship between species, let us do so!"
"Hm." I stroked my beard, pretending to consider him. "I'm gonna say no."
To his credit, Kisegi didn't miss a beat. "I understand why you may be distrustful," he nodded solemnly, "We journalists tend to ask the hard questions, which would make anyone uncomfortable. But we do so with good reason! We seek only to better-"
"Look, I'm gonna have to stop you right there," I interrupted, already feeling exhausted from dealing with him. Was that how Kurusu let him in so easily? "I really can't trust anything you say unless I hear from the local Cultural Exchange coordinator that you're legit. Why don't I just call her up right now and ask?"
"N-Now don't be hasty!" Kisegi shouted as I reached for my phone, "Why can't you understand we're merely trying to better understand our new friends? Please, just let us in, and we'll show that we deserve your trust!" Damn, he sounded pretty urgent. He even bowed and everything.
"Hmm… well, maybe there is something that'd make me trust you," I mused, "Don't move." I turned back and waved Suu over, who happily joined me by the door. "Suu, could you please put your head feeler right here?" I asked her, gesturing toward the top of my head. She looked perplexed, but complied all the same.
It was an odd sensation, feeling the sudden connection between our minds, and I regretted not testing it out sooner because it almost made me lose my concentration. Something… it was hard to describe. Like a door I didn't know was even there had opened. Still unsure, I thought only of what I wanted her to do for me.
Suu's wide emerald eyes stared into mine, and she nodded with a small smile.
Thank you, Suu, I thought, unsure if she could even hear me. I'll make it up to you somehow.
"Alright," I started, turning to face Kisegi as Suu removed herself from my head. "Just be still and if you pass, we'll let you in!"
"Be still for wha-!"
Suu's feeler latched onto his head, cutting him off.
"What the fuck is this freak doing to me?!" came the Director's voice, "All I wanted was to make a small fortune off a damn harpy egg, hopefully score some shots of her laying it! Maybe even sneak a panty shot or two…"
…out of Suu's mouth.
Kisegi gasped, probably because he didn't actually say any of that. But he sure as hell thought it, and that was good enough for me.
"Thanks, Suu," I said, keeping my voice warm until I glared at Kisegi. Once Suu removed her feeler from his greasy head, I coolly told him, "Fuck off."
"Now wait just a goddamn minute!" he hollered as I was about to slam the door in his face, "I didn't actually say that shit!"
"Don't care. No one treats my friends like some sick sexual fantasy. Now fuck. Off."
Then I slammed the door in his face.
"Christ, that was annoying," I groaned, rubbing at my temple as I walked back into the house. "Maybe I tried too hard there…"
Something poked my side. "Boop?" Suu softly asked.
I couldn't help but smile. "Boop," I warmly responded, gently poking Suu on the cheek. "You did very well, Suu." The slime beamed at me.
"Juyo…" Mero breathed in front of us. I looked up to see her staring at me with wide eyes. "That was…"
"Uh, yeah, I might've been a bit too overdramatic there…" I laughed awkwardly, "Got a little carried away."
"On the contrary, I thought that was superb!" Mero declared, clapping her webbed hands. But her expression quickly became thoughtful. "But if I may be so bold, how did you know Suu could read minds?"
Oh shit, right, forgot that particular ability had been revealed yet.
"Uh, it was actually in my councilor info binder," I quickly answered, "I didn't know for sure, so I just took a gamble and hoped it would work."
"Mm," Mero nodded, though she still seemed unsure. "I see."
"Anyway! You want some water, Suu?" I asked the slime girl beside me, bidding a hasty retreat to the kitchen. Smooooooth, man. Totally not raising any suspicions at all.
Mero's ability to keep getting me flustered was getting pretty frustrating, safe to say. Damn hormones.
The people from Cultural Exchange showed up shortly after. One was a middle-aged human woman, and the other was an elderly poultry harpy that, surprisingly, didn't display any of the supposed cowardice that her species was known for. Then again, if she'd survived to such a ripe old age, maybe it was just something she'd grown out of. Either way, they quickly took Papi to her room and helped her lay the egg in a way that I was blissfully ignorant of.
The rest of the day was remarkably uneventful, much to my relief. I went to bed that night confident that, if Rachnera still ended up with the Director despite my nudging Smith in that direction and the arachne came calling, she'd probably still go after Kurusu since he was technically the man of the house. That whole situation would play out like it had in canon, especially since I knew Rachnera never actually intended to hurt him, so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
That was what I thought, up until I suddenly found myself wrapped in a thick cocoon in my own bedroom.
"Motherfucker," I grumbled as I was hauled through the window, although since my mouth was covered it probably sounded more like "Mffrfrkr."
