WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE, ADULT THEMES AND MENTION OF RAPE-NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

Now on with the story...Edward's Rebellious years...


Chapter 28: Visions of Darkness

we walked down the hall -as we had done all the times before -when suddenly there was a scream…

We raced down the hall –heading towards were the scream came from when we approached a slightly open door. When we entered we found ourselves on the streets of a city at night. We could hear the thoughts around us for miles and that's when we heard it- the disturbing voice of a merciless brute cornering a young, innocent adolescent girl. The Edward in this memory searched with his mind trying to find this man and the girl but the man's thoughts gave no indication of where they were and the girl's thoughts were of no use as they were erratic in her fear stricken state.

The man stalked closer to her; pleased as he noticed the fear in the girl's eyes and continued to taunt her as he moved closer. She begged in scarred, broken whispers as the man grabbed her- tearing at her clothing. I search and search but still I could not find them. This Edward yanked at his hair willing himself to find the girl.

Through the monster's eyes we watched helplessly as he took her innocence and watched as he stared down at the broken and beaten girl who still begged for mercy, "I promise that I won't say anything! PLEASE!"

He shook his head pulling out a knife waving it over her bruised face, "oh I'm very sure that you're not going to say anything- because I'm going to make sure of that," he said forcing her mouth open as she struggled beneath him sobbing praying to God that someone would save her. He grabbed hold of her tong and slicing it straight off. Her gurgled screams delighted the sick monster that pinned her lean quivering form down.

He then seized her right hand shoving her hand open bringing the knife to each of her fingers then moved on to her left, "won't want you writing anything now would we," he muted. She screamed and thrashed a he drew the blade along the skin of her arm and travelling down her chest slicing through her pail flesh in a thin line to her mid drift. He raises the knife above his head and brought it down hard stabbing her over and over again. The girl trembled silently as she drowned in her own blood- she had given up hope of being saved. The wind blew from the east and that was when I smelt the faint sent of blood. This Edward raced forward enraged following the scent of blood as it grew stronger. The sent lead to a small alleyway and there for the first time he saw the pare with his own eyes. This Edward ran forward grabbing the man by his hair and threw him against the nearby wall then continued to hit him. The feel of the man's flesh as it gave way to his unyielding one and the sound of the man's bones sapping at each blow he gave spurred him on until he could no longer resist the blood of the man that now stained his hands.

Once the man lay dead and drained on the ground he moved towards the girl. She lay motionless- her empty brown eyes gazed up into the blacken night sky and her heart lay silent in her chest. Her brown hair was spread out about her head like a dark crown drenched in crimson blood. He knelt down beside her and carefully closed her eyes as to make sure that blood on his hands would not mark her pale skin- with her eyes closed she look like she was in peaceful slumber. He-I looked at my hands covered in blood and ran.

Even though Bella and I were standing still everything around us was moving fast as we watch my former self run to the home of Carlisle and Esme. I was shaking as I stood next to Bella stunned at what I had seen that I barely registered that my former self had reached Carlisle's home and had collapsed into Esme's arms sobbing repeatedly, "I couldn't save her!"

My former self knew that Esme was confused at what I had spoken but she kept silently rocking my form back and forth and stroked my blood dampened hair without breathing in the scent of the red liquid that had socked into my cloths.

I knew what would happen next and I didn't want to face the memory of me leaving Carlisle. I didn't want to remember how the murderer's blood affected me afterwards. I had felt so full of energy and life that it all went to my head and I just wanted more. I only just noticed the fight that broke out between Carlisle and I.

My crimson eyes glared into Carlisle's gold ones, "You don't know what it's like Carlisle! The raw POWER I feel."

Carlisle spoke calmly, "Edward this isn't you. This is the blood talking-"

"No you're wrong. This is ALL me and I see clearer than EVER!"

"For just over a decade you been able to restrain-"

Once again I interrupted him yelling- anger dripping from my voice, "I 'RESTRAINED' BECAUSE OF YOU! I STAYED BECAUSE I WANTED YOUR APPROVAL! I WANTED YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME!" I pause for a moment dropping the volume of my voice but not the level of anger, "but then I found the clarity of the blood and finally realized it was all meaningless! All you wise words of humanity and compassion, all of it is MEANINGLESS!"

"The human blood is taking away your humanity Edward. Don't you see?"

I had laughed humorously sneering, "There is nothing HUMAN in some of those pathetic creatures' minds."

"YOU CAN'T JUST PLAY GOD WITH PEOPLES LIVES!"

"If you just took a glimpse into their minds you would say otherwise!"

"You are judging the many for the faults of the few-there are just as many flaws in vampires as there is in humans"

"What are you saying that you want me to be a-what 'good' vampire?" I laughed at him, "Carlisle I am a - a demon!"

"You are NOT A DEMON! YOU ARE A GOOD MAN EDWARD!

"There is nothing you can say to stop me!"

"Please Edward think this through!"

"I have and I made my decision!"

Carlisle hung his head, "please stay. We'll figger something out! Please!" he pleaded desperately, 'please stay for Esme'

I shook my head solemnly. No longer angry with him, "I couldn't do that to you…or Esme. It would…pain you," I paused for a moment looking up to Carlisle, "but I promise that I will never take the life an innocent," I vowed.

He nodded his head sadly, "I know" was all he said and he walked away from me…and I ran away from this life.

I wanted to run away from this memory -the memory of my first human kill, the memory of leaving Carlisle, the image of Carlisle turning his back on me and the girl who reminded me ever so much of the beauty that stood next to me with her deep brown eyes and long chocolate hair, her heart shaped face and pale skin- the girl who I did save reminded me so much of the girl that I didn't- I turned and open the door that should have led back into the hallway but it didn't. I found myself in another memory of my rebellious years. This memory only lasted for a few moments before moving on to the next and so on- only showing me the last horrific minutes of my victims' lives. From the lest bloody to the most seemed to flash before my eyes – even when I tried closing my eyes and covering my ears I could still see, I could still hear. And with each face and last thoughts came a name that I will always remember. I will forever remember each of their names- all 416 of them- each way each of them died and of course the reason why each one of them died at my hand.

I looked at the scene before me and wish I hadn't. A man named David Collins knelt bloodied at the monster that I call my self's feet. The monster sneered down at David igniting fear within the man just like he had done to so many of his victims in his now shortened life time. The man mumbled his prayers as he stared into the red eye demon, "Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name; thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..."

The monster laughed humourlessly. The monster grabbed hold of his short dirty hair raising him up so the monster could whisper into his ear, "what about all of your victims? Were they delivered from your evil? Your victims can't forgive your trespasses anymore because you killed them."

David trembled and preyed harder, his voice shaking as he spoke,"...Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over..."

The monster threw him against the far tree and a loud crack echoed around the forest as David's spine snapped in half when he connected with its solid trunk. The monster moved over to him and dragged him over to a fallen tree and pinning him against its moist wood by his neck, "this is my table and you are my prepared fest," the monster growled as he sunk his teeth into the man's throat. David Collins' screams rung throughout forest as the scene morphed into the next one and so on.

Then it came to Philip Evens. Out of all of them he had the most pride in his death. There was not begs or cries for mercy. I came into his apartment just before he went to leave to go kill his next victim. When I appeared in his apartment surprise was replaced by an eerie sense of relief as he gazed into my coal black eyes.

As I stalked forward he spoke- gently placing down his bag and staring out his window, "and so the devil sends the angle of death to come and collect me for my wickedness," his gaze falls back on me once more, "Thank you for stopping me when I could not."

Then he fell to his knees at my feet and looked up to me, "do you think that God would forgive me for my immorality?" he asked in nothing but a whisper.

I had started down at him with an emotionless expression, "God has grace to all whom ask of it. But I cannot tell you for only God knows where your heart truly lies." And with that Philip bowed his head and then I sapped his neck and his thoughts and murmured prayers fell as silent as the heart in his cheats. I pulled his neck to my lips and began to drink the warm crimson liquid.

I pulled my knees up towards me and bowed my head still uselessly covering my ears with my hands as I heard the next screams and pleads of my past prey. I wanted to scream too. I wanted to plead with the untameable, merciless beast too. I knew that in the begging that it was for trying to find a balance of saving the lives of the innocent and fulfilling the desires of the beast within but as the blood and the thoughts of evil flooded within me I began to let the monster take full control and he changed into something so much worse than those he prayed upon… The monster of monsters; the killer of killers…

I saw every one of my four hundred and sixteen prey's merciless deaths. Each one seemed to get more graphic as it went on and I couldn't block it out. By fifty I had started to rock back and forth and by one hundred and forty three I was yanking on my hair. At two hundred and thirty I started to twitch and shudder at every sound and by three hundred and two I started to cry but at three hundred and fifty I was screaming- screaming so loudly that I couldn't even hear myself think but still the sound of my prey drowned out even my loudest wail. It was my very own nightmarish horror movie and I hated it. I felt as though I was going insane as I was forced to watch each of their deaths.

I was so lost in the emotional agony that I hadn't realized that sticky crimson liquid was sliding down my face and hands, socking into my clothing until I looked at my hands. My screams ceased, all my movements simply stopped as I observed the red liquid slide down my hands. I still saw my last prey's end in all its ghastly horror but it seemed to blend in with the blood that now drenched my hands. The blood of the four hundred and sixteen men's lives that I slaughtered for their crimes to simply feed the desire of the demon within, the blood of the innocent girl that I could not save and every other innocent that I couldn't save no matter what I tried. I guess it's even the blood of the animals that I hunt. But I know that this blood that stains my hands symbolizes all my sins- every wrong thing that I have done. Seeing the blood on my hands was worse than watching the memories my victims one after another because as I gazed at my hands I saw them all at the same time over and over again. The blood dried and that was when I felt the wetness sliding down my cheek from my right eye. I brought up my right hand capturing the drop on my figure and inspected the reddened drop of water and that's when I brock down again.

I scrubbed at my arms, hands and face but the blood wouldn't come off-there just seemed to be more of it as the blood began to run once more just as my panicked cries rung out around me, just as I felt strong slender arms wrap themselves around my convulsing form as I uselessly tried to scrub of the blood.

Amongst my screams I could hear a feminine voice calling out to me, "Edward. Edward come back to me!"

I knew that voice. That was Bella's voice, "Bella," I said as I started to calm down though I still shook from all of my messed up emotions.

"shshsh, it's me- I'm here, I'm here," she whispered as she rocked me back and forth, "I'm here my love."

I eventually calmed down enough to take notice of the scene before us. My crimson eyes gazed into Carlisle's gold ones and then I bowed my head as to hide my sinful scarlet eyes but Carlisle lifted my head so he could see my face. "I'm sor-", my past self was about to apologize but my father pulled us into a hug.

"I know, my son. I know but there is nothing to forgive. I love you my son always know that."

Then the scene changed back into the hallway that we had come from and I was silent in Bella's arms as we rested against the wooden door.

I cleared my throat and looked up to see Bella's face, "did you…?" I didn't need to finish- she knew what I meant.

"Yes. When you ran out the door I went to follow but there was this invisible wall and I couldn't get to you. But I could see…and hear… everything," She saw the worst part of me and yet here I am still in her arms. I bowed my head in shame as I heard her whisper, "I know love. I know."


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