Disclaimer: What is mine is yours. Now, does it work both ways?
Previously:
"When I was talking with the queen, she asked about Bill's human."
"And that would be…"
"You. She meant you. She knows your name – and I suspect much more."
I wasn't really surprised and this was probably what gave me away: my resignation instead of shock, worry rather than panic. Something in my reaction, or maybe a lack reaction clearly didn't sum up for Eric because he paused and looked at me carefully. I'd seen his face changing as he figured it out.
"But you already knew that, didn't you?" he said quietly.
"Yes," I said. There was no point in denying it.
I could see it happening: the rush of various emotions playing in his eyes as he processed the news and then his face locking up. I flinched when I saw the blank vampire mask slipping into place, the one I hadn't seen him wearing for a really long time.
"How?" he asked flatly and right to the point.
"Bill's e-mails. I read them one day when I stopped by his place. That's how I found out about Lorena too."
"What was in them?"
"Bill's been writing back and forth with Sophie-Anne. He told her pretty much all he knew about me."
"Why would he let her know about you? It would have been safe to assume that she'd want you for herself and she'd eventually take you away from him."
"I don't think he was the one who told her about me, quite the opposite, in fact. Turns out, he already knew I was a telepath when he came to Bon Temps."
"How so?"
"She's the one who sent him in the first place."
His eyebrows shot up and his impassive expression waivered a bit when the full meaning behind my statement registered. Something flickered in his eyes as he looked at me, and for a split second I could see the Eric from earlier in the night, the one that promised me that he'd fix it, but then his walls were back so quickly that I wasn't sure if I didn't imagine it.
"Tell me everything you know," he demanded, his tone making it clear that he would not take no for an answer, so I spilled my guts without even attempting to argue.
"I need to see these e-mails," he said when I finished.
"Okay," I agreed meekly. "It can be arranged. I still have keys to Bill's place."
"How long have you known about this?" he asked.
I swallowed. I didn't even have to answer. My guilty look gave me away.
"Eric," I breathed and instinctively put my hand on his. He didn't react.
"You knew the whole time, didn't you?" he said, his voice never rising. "You just never told me."
I only shrugged helplessly. I was feeling pretty miserable at the moment. I had no strength to fight. I expected him to lose his cool any second but he didn't.
"Eric, it's not what you…"
"You don't trust me," he stated calmly.
This time I protested.
"I do! I wouldn't be here now if I didn't!"
Maybe it was true that I had not been ready to trust him at the beginning, but things changed along the way. It took a lot of faith for me to come to Fangtasia when I already suspected that Eric discovered Sophie-Anne's agenda and for all I knew the queen might have demanded that h ehand me over. He had to realize that!
"Then why didn't you tell me?" he asked, looking me straight in the eye.
"I'm telling you now."
He just gave me a look.
For some reason the fact that he was so calm and collected was unsettling me even more than if he'd yelled at me. His reaction wasn't what I expected. It was hard to defend yourself when no one was attacking you. I didn't know how to handle it.
"I thought it was better to let sleeping dogs lie," I said weakly.
He looked down at my hand resting on top of his but he seemed to be miles away. It was almost like looking at a stranger. I squeezed his hand, willing him to come back to me, but I felt like I couldn't touch him. Slowly he looked up and when he spoke again I felt like all the air had been knocked out of me:
"I have to say, Sookie," he said. "Well played."
"Wha-… I didn't…"
I stopped myself. I didn't what? Play him? Know what I was doing while letting him remain in the dark and navigate blindly? Use him to achieve my own goals? Let him stick his neck for me?
Didn't I?
He challenged me with a look.
What I didn't do was think it through. I didn't want to think about it so in a true Scarlet O'Hara fashion I kept putting it off for another time when in reality I knew that it was inevitable for the queen to make herself known again.
"Out of curiosity: what exactly did you think I'd do when I found out what made you think it was better not to tell me?"
"It's not so simple, Eric! If I had told you, you would have had to disobey your queen in order to protect me! I didn't want to put you in that position!"
"I wouldn't have – as long as I claimed you before she made her plans for you known. It's her own fault since she decided to go behind my back; She miscalculated."
"Well, maybe, but that's one of the reasons why I didn't tell you!" I was getting defensive.
"Perhaps," he shrugged.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Perhaps you believe this was the reason – maybe even it was a part of it. I don't think it's the whole reason, though."
He stood up and my hand dropped from his. I stood up too and crossed my arms.
"Why don't you tell me what do you think the reason was then?" I challenged him.
"You played it safe. You were smart. You made a deal with me that would protect you, but you held back the truth so I had no reason not to accept. You didn't lie to me, though, so I can't accuse you of deceiving me and I will abide by the terms of the agreement. I'm impressed."
Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't really deny anything he said that made me finally snap. Maybe it was the hard glint in his eyes. I should be proud that Eric was impressed but I wasn't. This whole situation was messed up.
"Oh, cut me some slack here, Eric! I'm sure you're not telling me about everything that is going on in your life either! Don't tell me that you don't get why I was afraid to tell anybody about those e-mails! You can't be angry that I was trying to be cautious!"
He smiled dryly, not at all perturbed by my outburst.
"I'm not angry. For some reason I thought you'd trust me but I understand perfectly well why you didn't, especially knowing that Bill turned out to be a procurer: You were right not to trust anyone else. You shouldn't trust anybody – though you should have told me after you made a deal with me so that I could be prepared. I wouldn't have turned on you, nor am I going to do so now. I was being honest – I think you played it well. I guess that I just let myself forget that we were playing a game for a moment."
He brushed over the last part as if he was saying: Don't worry. It won't happen again and I found that it pained me: I might have done everything he said, but contrary to what he might think, Eric wasn't just a chess piece to me. I considered him my friend.
On the outside he didn't react too badly. He wasn't accusing me of anything that wasn't true. He said he wasn't mad. He understood. He didn't yell – in a way, he was even polite, just distant. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling that it was fundamentally wrong. It was like someone shut the door and no light was coming through. This wasn't Eric talking to me; this was vampire sheriff talking to his employee, a telepath.
I hated it.
"Eric, please don't," I whispered. I was starting to realize just what kind of damage all of this could do, but he walked to the other side of his office and sat behind his desk as if he needed to put some physical distance between us as well.
"If the queen asks about you again I'll let her know that you're under my protection," he said smoothly, not acknowledging my attempt to reach out to him. "The new contract is binding from today. Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have a lot work to take care of tonight."
He made a show of busying himself with some paperwork. I stared at him in disbelief – he wasn't just shutting me out, he was kicking me out too. My temper flared. If he thought I was going to beg him to forgive me he had another thing coming.
"Fine," I said, pissed, and snatched my copy of the contract. "Do I still work Friday night?"
A tiny spark of panic prickled inside me when for a moment I thought he might say that he didn't want to see me again.
"Of course," he answered instead, using the same cool tone.
I stood there unsure of what to do next. Should I just walk out? It felt weird not to kiss him goodbye, but it was clear that he wanted space. I sighed. Maybe he just needed to cool off.
"See you on Friday then," I said awkwardly.
He nodded without looking up from his paperwork. Now he was just being a jerk. I felt my throat tightening but I refused to break down in front of him.
"Bye," I clipped out and almost ran out of his office.
I stopped to take a deeper breath when I exited Fangtasia.
Well, that went well.
I was only mildly surprised when Eric sent Philip to collect Bill's laptop instead of doing it himself like he'd undoubtedly do (and use it as an excuse to stop by my place) if it wasn't for the strain between us. I did, however, find it odd when I went to Fangtasia on Friday and Eric wasn't there since it had never happened before.
I could work without Eric so that's exactly what I was going to do. Pam briefed me on my task for the evening and it kept me busy for a few hours. I found her again before leaving to confirm when they were going to need me again.
At least she was still talking to me. I wasn't sure how much Eric told her of what transpired the last time I was at Fangtasia but they usually seemed to know pretty much everything that was going on with one another. That question was answered when Pam broached the subject without being asked:
"If you want to make it right, you'll have to be the one to apologize," she said. "He's not going to."
I stopped what I was doing and looked at her.
"Well, it's kind of hard to talk to him when he's nowhere to be found," I noted, a little irritated. I was sorry that things turned out as they did, but I still felt like Eric was overreacting. "He's avoiding me, isn't he?"
If he was avoiding me he was acting childish.
Pam shrugged. She didn't seem angry at me, thank God. I fully expected her to take Eric's side and give me the cold shoulder as well. It looked like she chose to remain neutral though.
"Perhaps."
I snorted.
"You think?"
"Well, at least he's not going out of his way to see you anymore."
Something about the way she phrased it made me pause.
"Wait, what do you mean?"
"Surely you realize by now that while Eric is most invested in Fangtasia he has other projects to take care of too. He really did have something to do somewhere else tonight. I'm just saying that up till now he was making sure to schedule everything in a way that would enable him to be here at the same time you are."
"Oh," was all I could say in reply. "Do you think that he's right to be mad at me?"
"I don't think he's mad at you."
I gave her a skeptical look but she continued:
"I think he's disappointed."
With that all fight left me and I felt regret washing over me. My shoulders slumped.
"I just don't get why he has to take it so personally," I confessed. "I didn't tell anyone, not just him!"
"Maybe that's the problem," she said thoughtfully.
Huh?
"Eric doesn't want to be just anybody, Sookie," Pam explained. "He assumed it was personal."
I mulled her words over in my head.
"What are you saying, Pam?"
"No one likes to be used but I've been with Eric for a long time and I know that it isn't often that he finds himself in a situation where someone manipulates him. He's almost always looking for ulterior motives when he's dealing with others. He rarely lets himself simply trust someone, but you made him believe that it was safe to let his guard around you because you cared about him. While he can appreciate the craft he's still not happy with what he found out and the timing could have been better."
When implications of this logical construct hit me I instantly felt very upset.
Eric had thought I wouldn't trick him because I cared for him. I did trick him. Did it mean that he now thought that he was wrong about me caring for him?
"That's not what happened," I protested. "I do care for Eric. It's not why I didn't tell him! He has to know that! I found myself in a hard place and I'm not exactly a strategy genius! I didn't know what to do. What should have I done, Pam?"
She looked at me with some sympathy.
"You shouldn't have waited so long to tell him. If you'd told him on your own, not because you'd been forced to, he would have reacted much better. Also, you're really lucky that the queen made a mistake and let it slip that she knows about you before she demanded that Eric collects you and hands you over. It's bad enough that the new contract is signed almost the same day she called him. It looks awfully suspicious."
I winced. Now I felt guilty.
"Is this going to be a problem? Is Eric going to get in trouble because of this?"
It never crossed my mind before that it wasn't only my safety that might be at stake.
"He can handle it. He'll be fine, Sookie. As will you. In case you were wondering, he's not going to throw you under the bus because you two are fighting."
Something Pam said before registered with me.
"What did you mean: before she demanded. Did she?"
Pam pursed her lips.
"Eric might or might have not faxed both your contracts somewhere yesterday," she said cryptically. "I'm not supposed to scare you by telling you if he did."
I blinked rapidly, desperately trying to keep myself from getting teary.
"He's a good friend," I whispered.
Pam snorted laudly.
"What?" I asked, surprised at hearing such an inelegant sound from her.
"As much as it's amusing, sometimes I want to take you both and shake you," she announced unexpectedly.
I looked at her, perplexed.
"You two are not friends," she said with conviction. "Life would be so much easier if you just admitted it to each other."
"What are you talking about? Of course we're friends!"
She raised her eyebrow.
"Friends is not what you are."
"Why? Because we're sleeping together?" I tried to make a guess. "You think it's impossible to be friends with someone you're having sex with?"
She shook her head.
"That's not what I said. In a way that's how it was with Eric and me for the first decade after he turned me."
It wasn't news to me that Eric and Pam had had that kind of relationship in the past. Pam told me about it during our girls' night out. I wasn't sure what to think about it at first, but I got over it fast because not only it was long ago, but it was pretty clear that no matter how complex and close their bond was it was not romantic.
"No, Sookie, I'm not saying that it's impossible. It's just not the case with the two of you."
I had no idea how to respond to that.
"Well, it doesn't really matter if he decides he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, does it?" I said finally. "Do you think he'll get over it?"
Was he ever going to trust me again?
"I hope he will. He's a pain in the ass when he's in this mood. I'm all for you two to kiss and make up. Or make out. Whatever. I don't really care as long as you keep him happy." She paused and then clued me in: "Sex tends to keep him happy."
I smiled weakly. I wasn't in such a great mood myself.
"Give him some time," Pam said. "He's proud and stubborn – but he's also smart. He needs to wrap his head around everything. I can't tell you what he's going to do then but I don't believe that he wants to give you up or give up on you. He's going to figure it out. Just don't push him when you see him again."
"Thanks, Pam," I said softly.
I really hoped that she was right. I just wanted things to go back to the way they had been before.
So when, a few days later, I returned home from Merlotte's to spot a vampire void on my front porch, I felt a relief. It was only when I was already got out of the car and got closer that I realized my error. The door was broken and my visitor was sitting on the threshold, blocking my path.
"Hallo, Sookie."
It wasn't Eric.
Any guesses on what happens next?
