Friends With Benefits
A Glee Fan Fiction
Chapter 28

"He really said that?" Santana asked later that night as she and Rachel talked on the phone. "Wow, who would have known that Noah Puckerman could be a total sweet heart?" She wondered as she shook her head, water spraying her room from her wet hair as she grabbed a comb and began to comb through the dark, soaking wet locks. "I mean, I've seen him be charming before, but that was typically to work his way into a girl's pants. I never would have believed that he could be as sweet as he is with you, though. I mean, would you have, Q?" She asked the third girl on the three way call.

"I have to admit-I'm more than a little shocked," Quinn sighed. "But, hey, he's in love now, so he'll be different than he was for us, right?" Quinn shrugged. "Anyways, I was just wondering something...San, you, Britt and I always promised we'd be best friends forever-and look at how awful that turned out. Do you guys think that's going to happen to us?" She asked, twirling a blonde strand of hair around her finger tips.

"Q," Santana pouted. "We're going to be friends until we're old and senile. Then we're going to be new friends. We'll be those three crazy old ladies racing on our wheel chairs and flirting with the cute boys who work there, because we like 'em young and strong, right?" She giggled to her friends.

"Not me!" Rachel said. "I'm all for helping you guys cause trouble in the nursing home, but there's only one guy for me," She said brightly, and Santana could practically hear the smile in her voice.

"Puck's there right now, isn't he?" Santana rolled her eyes.

"He's staying all weekend. My dads are out of town," Rachel explained.

"And you're on the phone with us? Damn, and I thought I had to be worried about our friendship-Rachel's more committed to that than her sex life!" Quinn crackled.

"Hey-honesty time? I mean, we all slept with Puckerman, right?" Santana asked, setting her comb down and walking across her room to select a nail polish to put on. "Well, on a scare of one to ten-one being...Steve Urkel and ten being...Channing Tatum-what would you rate him?" She asked, a sly smile on her face.

"Um, San? You do remember the fact that I was drunk when Puck and I slept together, right? And the fact that it was my first time so I have absolutely nothing to judge him by? Although, if we were going on looks and muscle mass, he would most definitely be about a nine. Actually, you know what? From what I can remember about that night, I would most definitely give him a nine over all," Quinn sighed in defeat. After all, she knew Santana wouldn't give up.

"Yeah, you know what, Q? I'd have to agree with you there. He's almost as hot as Channing, after all. But his muscles? They're about twice as big as Channing's are. Still, his dancing? Not as sexy as Channing's, therefore Channing would be better in bed," Santana explained. She was staying true to her morals that guys who could dance were good in bed. From her experience, it was true, after all, so she was going to stick to that belief, until she was proven wrong. "But, yeah, I'd probably give him a solid nine as well," Santana told them as she plucked a bright red polish from her bucket and walked towards her bed.

"I don't think we should be comparing boys in the whole sex department, guys. I mean, it seems wrong and mean. It's like a form of bullying, isn't it? And I know that they do it to us and all, but that doesn't make it right. It actually just makes us just as bad as they are in the end, because we're stooping down to-"Rachel began before slowly trailing off and giggling softly. "Okay-he's gone, he went downstairs to get snacks. I satisfied him enough with that start. Anyways, I don't agree with you guys. He's not that great. He's strong and all, but he's not that incredible in bed. I think he could do better. I give him a...seven," Rachel said.

"Damn-I remember when she was quiet and shy," Santana said, shaking her head as she shook up the bottle of polish. "Q, I think we've created a monster. She thinks there's a guy out there who's better in bed than Puck!" She crackled as she uncapped the bottle and started to paint, the phone balanced between her shoulder and her ear. "The girl's either crazy or taking our slutty-ness to a whole new level," Santana laughed.

"You know what? It's nice to have friends-people who you can talk about guys with...I mean, I guess you could say that Kurt and I were friends, but we could never really be close because we were always competing for Finn, you know? It wasn't until after I started dating Puck and had you guys that Kurt become close with me," She said.

"Aw! Ray-Santana, she's making me tear up," Quinn whined. "Of course, she should probably also realize that she used to be normal before she met us," Quinn laughed.

"Quinn, I was never normal," Rachel said with a laugh.

"Can we please go back to the fact that she only gave Puckerman a freaking seven?" Santana asked.

"San, he's my boyfriend. Why is it such a big deal to you that I think he's a seven and you gave him a nine?" Rachel sighed and Santana was sure she was rolling her eyes.

"Because that means that I must be missing something and there is no way that you've slept with more boys than Quinn, let alone me. It's just not possible. So what in the hell makes you think that he's only a seven? Because it most definitely is not because of his size," Santana asked, some of her Lima Heights Bitch coming out.

"I hear ya, there!" Quinn called out. There was some kind of munch in Santana's ear and she cringed a little. She hated it when Quinn let her cravings get the best of her. It was such an awful, ugly, annoying sound to have potato chips or pickles crunched on directly in a person's ear when they were trying to have a normal phone conversation with their best friends. Still, Quinn was agreeing with her, and that was all that really mattered.

"Can we not talk about the size of my boyfriend's...of my boyfriend? Anyways, I hear him coming up the stairs, so can we change the subject? I really don't think he'd want me to be discussing this-anyways, what did you think of that pop quiz in Spanish today? God, Mr. Shue's such a jerk sometimes, isn't he? It was just totally ridiculous. Why would he test us on cafe dialogue? Like I'm going to need that-we live in Lima!" Rachel said.

"Nice touch there," Santana grinned, nodding in approval. Rachel had clearly learned a lot from the lying, manipulative Latino bitch who always managed to get her way. It made Santana proud to see the effect she was having on Rachel. And Rachel's subject change was just subtle enough for Puck to not notice anything suspicious.

"I repeat-why the hell are you on the phone with us when you could be doing some very nasty, very inappropriate things with that very attractive boyfriend you've got?" Quinn wondered. Santana had to admit that she'd been wondering the exact same thing herself, but hadn't wanted to say anything.

"Aren't you staying at Kurt's house now, because Mercedes' was too loud for your taste?" Santana asked suddenly, her eyebrows creasing in confusion.

"What's that got to do with Rachel neglecting her obligations to that very fine boy she's got?" Quinn asked.

"Didn't Finn move in with Kurt and his dad, because their parents are dating?" Santana asked.

"I still don't understand what that has to do with Rachel ignoring the fact that an insanely hot boy is sitting besides her and she's not doing anything about it," Quinn sighed. "Speaking of-why isn't she saying anything?"

"Because I'm waiting for the right moment to tell you to stop commenting on my boyfriend's looks!" Rachel laughed. "Anyways, Santana's wondering why you're talking about Puck and I with Finn so close to you," She asked.

"Well, it's not like you're cheating on him with Puck. And it's not like-oh, shit, you're asking because I'm talking about when I cheated on Finn with Puck, aren't you?" She paused.

"Bingo-well, to be fair, it was a little bit of both," Santana shrugged.

"Well, I'm going to go do my girlfriend-like duties now, so Quinn doesn't get all made at me," Rachel teased as she hung up.