Prompt: Athena gets a new plant for the Agency, and Charley is horribly offended.

Notes: This was written on the heels of a minifill by someone else that was basically just Charley's POV being jealous/resentful of this stupid new pretty plant - which as far as this fic is concerned, was the first part of Phoenix's monologue. So just imagine a bunch of that preceding this.


"Really?" Apollo asked, unsure whether to inject more skepticism or world-weariness into his voice - not that it mattered much, both got plenty opportunities for use these days. "It's just a plant."

A famed index finger snapped out to point his way. "Watch your tongue!" Phoenix snapped. "Charley has triple your seniority in this office, show some respect."

"Okay, but... really?" Apollo sighed.

This time, it was Trucy who shushed him - with the benefit of an added smack to his gut. "Shhh! Daddy's in the zone!"

"Thank you, Trucy," Phoenix said pointedly, before turning back to the old plant by his desk and staring at it in great concentration once more - 'communing', apparently. Slowly, he began to monologue again: "Charley... doesn't hate the new plant. But he has to admit that he's a little disappointed in you, Athena, getting such a flashy plant for a place where we deal with murder so often. It's really insensitive - lord knows that plant doesn't care about anyone else's feelings, no it's too busy glamming it up without regard for anyone else. Charley thinks it would do just fine in a hair salon or prosecutor's office or something, but it doesn't belong here."

By the end of this, Phoenix was pacing dramatically back and forth in front of the old fern in a very Shakespearean performance complete with gestures and soulful pauses. Now, he turned to face his audience head-on, and strode forward until he was barely a step away from Athena. She stood frozen, clutching the potted orchid in her arms.

"Charley was always good enough for Mia, and me, and he thought he'd be good enough for the new lawyers too. Maybe that was foolish of him," Phoenix hissed, before slowly crouching to speak directly to the orchid: "Or maybe that dumb new plant needs to take a hint."

There was a moment of profound silence.

Then Trucy burst into fervent applause. "You go, Daddy!" she cheered, rushing forward to hug him. "I think that's the most Charley I've ever heard you be!"

He returned the hug, suddenly smiling modestly. "Well, I'm no Fey..."

"It was perfect," Trucy gushed, before running off to fetch the watering can. She stroked Charley's leaves tenderly before pouring a healthy dose of water into his pot, even dipping her fingers into the can and flicking a few drops onto his leaves for a thorough dose of pampering.

Phoenix watched this display, beaming fondly, then turned back to his employees. His face went hard, and he stood abruptly.

"So," he said.

Apollo rolled his eyes.

"I... can keep it at my house instead?" Athena asked more than said. "Just - thought it would - brighten things up? In here."

Phoenix shook his head pityingly and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Well, you are new," he sighed, stepping away to pet the old fern with his daughter.

Athena gazed after them, somewhat forlornly, before slowly turning to her fellow lawyer, a silent question in her eyes.

"Yes, it is always like this," Apollo confirmed, and felt a certain kind of schadenfreude at the way she clutched her plant a little closer. "Welcome to the Wright Anything Agency."