Within Holy Walls

A Final Fantasy Tactics fanfic

By Tenshi no Ai

I don't own the characters and locations in the game that are presented in this work, Square-Enix does.

Chapter 25: Sunrise (Polychromatic Seeds)

It's strange how all this began.

--I'm guessing this is yours, miss?--

He was just a man with typical blond hair and atypical brandy eyes, charming and confident and surprisingly easygoing for the leader of the Lionel Holy Knights. With those characteristics shining brightly on that April day, I can't help but think now that I was bound to be a little in awe of him.

I think I always will be.

Exiting from the bathhouse, I can feel my skin pucker up and tighten from the cold November air. Not like it should be any different from yesterday's October air...but it does, somehow. Odd...is it the atmosphere, or is it me? I tighten my robe around my body before making my way back to my room. It's so quiet out here right now, with the night sky slowly being tugged away and replaced with a dreary grayness. The clock on the top of the church has its hands pointing to five after six, but I actually feel really awake. I'm sure that'll change once I go to work.

With each step I take I feel a little twinge, a slight soreness between my legs, but I had been expecting that beforehand anyway. It's kind of good in a way, like an almost pleasant reminder. Even my own memory can't fully grasp the exact feelings of last night, other than that I was nervous. Extremely nervous, a fair amount anxious and a bit excited.

Well, maybe next time I'll actually enjoy it.

Reaching my door, I quietly open it and slip inside, letting the door close with a soft clicking sound. It doesn't seem to affect Beowulf at all, since his eyes are still closed, but...is he really sleeping? If I immerse myself into listening, his heartbeat sounds the same as when he's wide awake. Hm, oh well. I shrug off my robe and toss it onto my valise. Should I do the same for my nightgown...ah, no. Our clothes are scattered on the floor, though they're vaguely grouped; mine are close to my valise and his...well, they're on the right side of the room. I pick up his clothing and form a pile of them at the foot of the bed. After a glance at Beowulf's sleeping form--I guess he really is sleeping--I kick my clothes closer to my valise. Ah, much better.

I take another look at the bed, trying to figure out how to get back in without waking him up. If the shape of his body under the blanket is any indication, he's kind of on his side and, thankfully, not taking up most of the bed. His right arm is sprawled over the pillow, his left arm bent against his chest, and he's facing the door. Hm...well, it's worth a try. As gently as possible, I lift the blanket up and slip inside, trying to make sure that my weight doesn't press into the mattress too much--though, it's not as if it was anywhere near soft enough to ripple or anything. Laying my head on his arm, I manage to wiggle my body up to his, our faces about a hand's length away. I want to put my arm around him, but I think he's a relatively light sleeper and I don't want to disturb him.

...He looks really adorable when he's asleep. Just the way the long strands of his hair have fallen over his face, his lips slightly parted and the soft sounds of steady breathing make for a very peaceful-looking Beowulf. Looking at him like this, I can't help but feel unnaturally happy. I know I have a ridiculously wide smile on my face, I just know it. I can't help it...well, I don't mind it right now.

It's so strange...or maybe it isn't, I don't know. The sex itself...well, with all those feelings colliding into each other deep in my stomach, it was an effort not to instinctively twitch at his touch. I don't know why I was acting like that. I've always felt more or less comfortable around him. I guess...maybe it was just the knowledge of what was going to happen. Even though Peppermint informed me as to the process...it's hard to translate that into an actual confidence about the matter at hand.

I suppose knowledge is no substitute for experience.

It's hard not to think that I disappointed him with my inexperience. Even though afterward he said he liked it, still...well, there's always next time. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing, though. Even if he said he was nervous, he certainly didn't act like it. Maybe I'm being presumptuous, but he seems fairly experienced.

Ah...it's best not to think about that. Not right now, not like this. It's not something I care to know about.

Sighing a bit, Beowulf shifts a bit, more onto his side. I don't move. After a bit more shifting he relaxes and seems to be peacefully sleeping again. I exhale slowly. What time does he usually wake up? He never told me what time his shift was for today...oh, I hope it isn't the seven in the morning one. He'll have to leave soon anyway, since I don't know when the town wakes up' it wouldn't be good for some stray townsperson to witness him leaving my room...

I wish we could just sleep in and hold each other. That would be nice. I could never get tired of pressing myself against his chest, listening to his heartbeat and nothing else...hugging is such a non-demanding action, especially compared to other things.

Reaching out with my right hand, I softly touch his cheek, my fingers threading through the loose strands of his hair. It isn't soft, but it is nice. I remember him saying that he used to keep it loose and hanging in his eyes when he was younger. Especially like this, he doesn't look like his age, or even anything approaching twenty-eight--

He groans suddenly, lines appearing on his forehead as he frowns. I pull my hand away quickly, watching curiously as he yawns--covering his mouth midway into it--then scratches the back of his head and sighs before settling down. I...I guess I didn't wake him? The frown appears again. ...Too quiet... he mutters coherently before his eyes start to open very slowly, blinking every other second or so. At the halfway mark, his eyes focus on something past my shoulder before quickly noticing me, which is incidentally when his eyes open all the way. He doesn't do anything, just blankly stares at me.

I can relate. It's not every day I have people in my bed. I almost reacted very badly...but I don't think I'll be telling him that. Good morning, I smile, and something seems to click inside since he smiles back.

Good morning, he reaches out with the arm not under my head and holds me against him, placing a kiss on my forehead while I do the same on his collarbone, did you sleep well?

thanks to you...though, I usually sleep well, did you?

He pulls away from me, still smiling. Better than usual, I wait for an explanation on usual', could you move your head, love? I can't feel my arm, I do so, patiently waiting as he gingerly massages his arm, do you know what time it is?

...I guess I won't be getting an explanation. Past six, I don't know how long I've been staring at him, so it's the best I can do.

Oh, I guess I should leave at seven, oh... you weren't here earlier, I don't think.

I shake my head. I went to the bath to clean up a bit, I had really wanted to do that after we had finished, but he was holding me and murmuring nonsensical things... more than usual, anyway. I couldn't help but fall asleep in that completely comfortable situation.

He nods at this, reaching out with his left hand to brush some strands of hair away from my face. Soon that hand is pulling me to him, settling on the back of my head as I press up against him and wrap my right arm around his waist. In what can only be considered as a fast recovery, his right arm goes right back under my head when I lift it off the pillow to move my hair back so it won't get caught under my neck and shoulder.

Hm...this is nice, especially where his bare skin touches mine...

There's an urge coursing through me to remove my nightgown and then snuggle up against him, just basking in the heat of his skin on mine, but I suppose my bare arms and legs will have to do for now. It's enough to remember being enveloped in the haziness afterward and relishing the feeling of skin pressed against skin, the sweat and heavy breathing only making it all the more real, all the more strange and odd and...nice.

It's so strange how these movements, these experiences with him are so...unexplainable. They're confusing, but I like them.

I hear him sigh. I'm still a little surprised by all this.

So am I. Is that a bad thing? I want to lift my head up from his chest and look into his eyes for the answer, but...I'm too comfortable to move.

No, not at all, he chuckles a bit, the sound a low rumble in his chest, but I know you like to think about things for awhile before doing them. I guess I'm surprised that you were thinking about...well, this.

I make a small sound at this. It's supposed to convey my agreement and nonchalance about my decision--well, now that it's over, anyway--but it sounds like it needs practice. I guess I never really was the nonchalant sort. I didn't want to make a mistake this time, I didn't want to hurt you...hurt us again.

If I can help it, anyway.

'A mistake'... he runs a hand through my hair in slow, steady strokes and something like nostalgia settles in my mind, oh, I see. So, what made you decide?

My fingers lightly run down a portion of his spine, enjoying the feel of the bumps of each ridge under my fingertips. I was inspired to be more decisive, so I decided to let you know, pulling my head back, I look up into his eyes, which've regained their color on this blustery morning, that's all I could've done...I was prepared to take any answer.

Well, that's easy to say now, anyway.

He kisses the tip of my nose, then pulls his body back slightly to reach for my lips. 'No' wasn't even an option. Like I said, it just surprised me, he closes up the small space between us once more, making me feel warm and comfortable again, decisive, huh...

That's what Sir Chiroseau told me, I rearrange my body so that I can continually look at him eye-to-eye, 'even if you make a choice that no one can agree with, if you have a reason to make that choice, then the only judgment that holds any weight at all is God's,' a small smile forms on my face as one of his eyebrows arches at this, I never really thought of that before, but I like the reasoning, that life is too short to really worry...

It really is.

One of the corners of his lips rises. He never tells me anything like that. It's always are you sure that's the right thing to do, Kadmus?' or well, if you really think that's the best way, then I won't stop you,' he sighs loudly, though his eyes have a liveliness to them, I guess he just trusts your judgment more than mine... suddenly I'm the recipient of a strange look, wait, you didn't tell him that this is what you were planning...?

I make sure to toss back that strange look in full force. Why would I do that?

He visibly relaxes. Oh, just...just wondering is all.

...? ah, best to move on, maybe it isn't such a good thing to do all the time, but I'd like to have those words in mind more often, reaching up with my rather scrunched left arm, I touch his face just below his lips, it seems to lead to good things.

It certainly does, he smiles, his voice a bit huskier than usual, you know, I've never really thought about doing that before. At least, not the making my own decisions no matter what' part. I've always just taken what seemed to be the best option at the time, the smile drops from his face as a more serious expression takes over, it really makes me think.

I look at him, instantly curious at this odd mood shift. About what?

That maybe I should be more active in living my life as well. Even if I know I can make a decision later, at the right time' ...well, what is the right time'? He laughs a little at this, looking even younger than usual with that sheepish look on his face. His eyes, so vivid in this gray room, search my face. You know what I mean?

I...I think so, I say encouragingly, first the fingertips, then the entire palm of my left hand encountering tiny prickles as I touch his face. I like what he's saying...what is the right time to do anything? The perfect moment...I think we make our own moments whether they're the right time or not. After all, if we keep waiting and waiting for a sign to trip us up, for God to let us know when to do something...eventually we'll run out of time.

It's a waste, isn't it?

But even saying that...it's hard to just do it, he looks at me curiously, is that how you felt, Reis?

I lower my eyes, feeling embarrassed at the question.

I like the sound of Beowulf's laughter, even during a moment like this. He's usually cheerful and...it makes me feel lighter somehow. Yet you still went ahead. I've always liked that about you, thank you... I guess I can only hope to get a similar answer like the one I gave you.

...Ah, what?

Seize the day, right? He mumbles, more to himself I think, as he lets go of me and reaches for both my hands. I watch him do this, but...why is he doing this? Once he has my hands grasped in his, holding them between our bodies, he takes a deep breath before looking me straight in the eye. Reis, would you... he sighs and shakes his head, nervously smiling at me, will you marry me?

...

--You'll...you'll never be able to bear a child--

This...this isn't...

He's looking at me with those beautiful eyes, full of hope and nervousness and I want to reach out and hug him and tell him yes, yes I would love to be his wife, I would love to spend the rest of my life with him, I've spent more than half my life learning how to be a very good wife...

But I can't be.

I can't even fulfill the main requirement of marriage.

I can't...just a little longer...

I don't want...

That's...I wasn't expecting that, but...well, alright, he pauses, looking a fair amount confused, but he still smiles at me anyway, well, I've been thinking about this for awhile, to be honest. I've never been this happy before, I feel his hands squeeze mine and I can't help but smile just a little, ...I know you usually think I say some pretty weird things, but I...I didn't think I'd be doing this right now, so I don't know what to say, although it's inappropriate, I giggle at this. His smile grows wider, so, will you marry me? I don't know how I'll be at being a husband and a father and the like, but I would love to raise a family with you.

...Oh.

Reluctantly I remove my hands from his, sitting up and looking away from him. I don't want to see it when he realizes that courting me for marriage was a mistake... I'm sorry, Beowulf, but I can't give you that.

His voice is hushed.

I don't want to say it. I can't...I can't give you a family.

He touches my blanketed thigh, then my arm as his weight shifts on the bed. Reis, what are you talking about?

Every word that passes through my lips seems to add a deep, rending gash into me...into that strange entity known as us'. Just a little deeper, just a little more. Might as well go in for the kill. After all, I've already tried to kill off my essential self once already. But I won't look.

I won't.

I can't bear a child, my voice is low, very matter-of-fact.

What a lie.

Suddenly his touch is gone, and I feel alone again. Completely, utterly alone.

It's been awhile.

How...how do you know this? His voice sound empty, somehow. Maybe it's just me.

I was told by one of the white mages, I reply calmly, because I don't have cycles' like human women do.

Mama...was it really neccessary?

There's his touch again, his hand on my shoulder. Very tentative, very hesitant, very unlike him. 'Human women'?

Slowly, I nod.

His grip tightens. What's that supposed to mean? You look just as human as anybody else.

That sort of comment... So, as long as I look human then everything should be perfectly fine with me? As long as I'm not sporting scales or a tail then I should obviously be a human inside and out? I look down, over at my valise next to the bed. I can see the heirloom stone that Beowulf gave me what feels like a lifetime ago, poking up from some scattered clothes. Was it that easy to forget? I whisper.

I want to forget again.

I never forgot, his tone is harsh now, what is this all of a sudden? You're more human than the nobles I've met. You have more humanity in you than I've ever witnessed in most people. Why are you acting like the only thing you've ever been is a dragon?

...I don't know. I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it, just...would you at least look at me? Hesitantly I do so, glancing at Beowulf's sitting form before looking down at my lap. There, that's better, his hands reach out towards my face and cup it, gently lifting my head up until I'm staring into his eyes. I don't move, not even when he gives me a comforting smile, we've gotten through a lot of things before, love, all we have to do is think about our options, I guess that sounds reasonable... now, is there a way to fix this?

Fix'?

Oh, God...if Beowulf, of all people, is saying that, then...am I that far gone?

The choice I never made...Mama, why...?

There is a thick, heavy lump in my throat and I grit my teeth, trying to swallow and maybe lessen it somewhat. Because of Beowulf's hands, all I can see is his cruelly kind face, friendly and expectant. I close my eyes, feeling ill at the attentive spark in his eyes, am I that ruined...?

I was right, even he...no, it's not him. It's me, it's Mama's choice that makes me completely unsuitable for a normal life.

It was just my fault that I tried to reach for one anyway.

When I open my eyes, I catch his odd expression for a moment before his eyes widen. That's not what I meant. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like there was something wrong with who you are, it's just... he shrugs, looking completely lost, maybe there's a way we could turn you back into a full human.

It sounds like a good idea in practice, but...my hearing, everything inside my body...are those things anywhere approaching human now? I'm only alive because I was changed, so doesn't that mean that it's irreversible, more or less?

...That is a good point, he admits after a period of silence. He sounds like he's given up. I try to look down, easily pulling away from his hands to do so.

So, this is what it all leads to.

We sit in uncomfortable silence. My eyes are transfixed on my lap. I don't know what Beowulf's attention is on, or what he's thinking, or anything. I don't know anything anymore, other than that I've done something horribly wrong somewhere and now we're both suffering for it.

Maybe I should've never continued our relationship after I found out. Maybe I should've told him on Bariaus Hill that day.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Just a little longer.'

This isn't nearly long enough.

Selfish, foolish...just so I wouldn't be alone, I would deprive him of his choices. My most important flaw, and yet...all I could do was hide this away and selfishly continue on as if nothing was wrong. It's probably best I decline Verden's job offer and go back to Murond...

It won't bring back the wasted time for him, but I should still apologize. I'm sorry, Beowulf.

Sorry for what? He sounds so mellow, so unconcerned...why?

I've made you waste your time on me, I close my eyes, painfully gnawing my lower lip. I hate this, you should've been looking for a suitable wife, but I was selfish and I...I just wanted you to stay around a bit longer. I'm sorry.

Beowulf's weight shifts again, and I can feel him close to me. You're not even thinking of a solution, he chides. Why would I...? and I think you're perfectly suitable.

With a heavy sigh, I look up at him and his earnest expression. What are you saying? It was just supposed to be a simple question, but it sounds more like a demand.

He wouldn't...no, I shouldn't be hopeful.

I'm saying I still want to marry you, he smiles tentatively, I can hear what you're saying perfectly, and I am disappointed, but there are other reasons that supercede that.

I'm confused. I don't know how they think in the towns and such, but I've only heard of marriage being mainly for having children. It's the same with nobles, for that matter. Certainly there are other factors, but...I can't see a point in being a wife if I'm not fulfilling all my duties. Even if I'm swathed in happiness, completely in love...I wouldn't marry for those feelings alone. I would certainly be motivated to, but there needs to be common sense in a decision as important as that.

After all, feelings can change.

But I owe it to him to listen. I'd like to hear them, if you don't mind.

First of all, I love you, I frown at this. We're going to be at odds the whole way with our different ways of thinking. He holds up his hands in a placating manner, I know, I know. It's not a good idea to marry only for love. I know that. But... exhaling heavily, his expression takes on something like sadness, well, Sis is married. She only married because our family line was analogous to her husband's, so their resulting children would be secure in their titles.

...What? Why is that important?

He sighs. It's too uneven to have something like, say...a duchess marry a viscount, because what titles do your children claim? I...never thought of something like that. What an odd system... Anyway, Sis barely knew her husband before they were married, and now she's always unhappy, even if she's a mother of three, he looks at me and shrugs, if I had been the oldest, there's no way I would've ended up here. I would be in Lesalia right now, in the same situation she's in. So, even if it's not a good idea to marry for love, I'd still like to have that as one of my main reasons.

I...see. Yes, I think I can understand. That's how marriages go in the hunter community. The husband and wife have to be emotionally close...they don't have to love each other, but they do have to trust each other, I guess when he puts it in that way...maybe we really do understand each other.

Hm.

But, it's not quite that easy to toss caution to the wind and instantly agree to marrying him. I mean, I don't want him to regret it two, five years later.

I don't want him to regret anything that has to do with me.

Do you want to hear my second reason? I nod, feeling strange over this. Although I'm still not convinced, Beowulf is the type of person who is deceptively tenacious. I have a feeling he could toss out reasons all day if he really wanted to. He wouldn't need to, but I'm sure he could. And if those didn't work, he'd kiss me on the forehead and tell me to think about it a little more before making a decision. Well, it has to do with the vows of marriage.

Vows of marriage'? I've never heard of anything like that. What's that?

He looks puzzled. You don't know about the vows?

I'm sorry, but no, I mumble, feeling a bit foolish.

Well, during the ceremony, the bride and groom recite vows to each other, promising to keep them, he raises an eyebrow when he catches me staring at him oddly, reaffirming their roles in the marriage, basically.

They have to be told what to do? That's...that's kind of sad.

He shakes his head. It's not that exactly, it's more of verbally promising that they'll keep their vows before both God and the witnesses.

There are...witnesses? Why...oh, it's not important. So, what are these vows?

To cherish your spouse, to always stand by her in times of trouble, and to be completely devoted to her, his eyes seem to darken as he gazes at me, I couldn't very well propose to you, fully knowing what I'll be promising to do, only to leave at the first sign of trouble, right?

I nod hesitantly. If those are the vows, then you should follow them as soon as you decide to propose, but... those seemed to be a bit...different from the typical Glabados fare. Well, if that's what he says they say... all the same, I'm in a bit more than trouble', I'm just...

worthless

...not really worth the effort.

I said I'm always honest, and if you really weren't worth the effort I wouldn't be trying right now, he says cheerfully, so, the third reason, right? It's not so much a reason as it is an example of a solution I just thought up.

A solution? There really is one that doesn't require fixing' me or something equally intimidating? What is it? I ask in a rush of words, afraid to be too hopeful.

He clears his throat, brushing back the loose strands of hair falling into his eyes. I remember hearing about this when I was still involved in the war. There was a respected commander in the Nanten who had died before the Ordalians invaded Zeltennia. He was a friend of Sir Orlandu, and after he had died, Sir Orlandu took care of his son, eventually adopting the boy, he looks at me with hope brightening his eyes, there are probably a lot of orphans out there, don't you think?

...I guess...that would work.

Of course it would work. It's such an easy solution. Here I am, worrying and fretting over not being able to bear a child when there are so many children without parents.

--It wasn't safe in Fovoham, but before my family could leave, the settlement got destroyed in a battle between our troops and the Ordalians. All that was left were a couple other kids and myself--

It's just too safe in Lionel to worry about the war.

You're really okay with this? I can't help but ask, but I just want to make sure. I won't selfishly hold him back any longer. He doesn't need to go through all this... I mean, I appreciate all of your help and I'm very thankful that you'd still want me as your wife, but... glancing at him, his face has gone from hopeful' to impassive', you really don't have to go this far for me. I would understand it more if you had wanted to find a more capable wife and actually be able to father your own children.

This is true. I understand that he loves me. I love him too, and our time together has been, for the most part, wonderful. But there are more important things than clinging to each other and futilely promising that everything will be okay as long as we're together.

I'm selfish, but I have to be realistic too.

Of course I want to stay with him. More than anything, I would love to raise a family and grow old with him. However, I also understand that he could have a life where he doesn't have to sacrifice as much to have an equally fulfilling life.

Wouldn't he like to hold his child and see luminous brandy eyes shining back at him?

He's silent. When I look at him, he has a faraway look in his eyes just before he closes them. I don't think... he starts slowly, then sighs, I know that just because someone is capable of having a child doesn't mean that they're a mother or father, it just makes them a person with a child.

Yes, he would know, wouldn't he? That's true. But, you're still disappointed anyway, aren't you?

Yeah, a bit, he smiles at me, but I'll get over it. You can't change the past, so why worry about it?

It sounds good in theory, but it doesn't work quite as well in practice, I respond absently. I guess I'll have to work on that as well, thank you, Beowulf.

It's no problem-- the church bells take this time to cut him off. He glances at me regretfully while the bells proceed to ring the same way seven times before stopping, I guess I'd better go.

Oh, just when everything seemed to be getting better... getting off the bed, I wait for him to move before primly sitting at its edge and watching him get dressed. I find the male body to be interesting...well, I find Beowulf's body to be interesting. His is nice and comfortable to hold and be held up against...although, it also seems a bit uncomfortable...hm.

He glances at me while putting on his scarf. Reis, if you keep looking at me like that, I'm going to start blushing, he grins, which turns into outright laughter when I look away, sorry, I couldn't help it.

Inwardly, I smile. It feels almost as if everything were back to normal with us. I couldn't help it, you do have a very nice body.

You're taking my lines, aren't you? He extends a hand towards me, which I take without hesitation, and pulls me up to him, holding me around the waist. Do I really have to go to work? I wanted to stay here and...talk with you some more.

Oh, that wasn't suspicious. Smiling up at him, I nod. It's only fair. I have work in a couple hours myself, placing my hands on his upper arms, my smile turns into a more nervous breed, but I'd like it if you came over tonight...well, if you want to.

He rolls his eyes at this. Of course I want to, leaning in for a quick, closed-lip kiss, his expression after he pulls back seems like a twin to my own just now, ah, about the proposal...

I look down at the gold buttons of his jacket. This is hard to say, but... Could you give me a little more time to think about it, please?

I'm pretty sure I know what my answer will be now, but still...I just need a little more time to thoroughly think about it.

Take all the time you need, I won't rush you, the smile he gives me is encouraging, just before he leans over and kisses me on the forehead, I'll be by at around seven-thirty to eight, he gazes into my eyes, looking as if he was on the verge of saying something else, but then he lets go of me and walks to my door. He pauses then, hand touching the knob, then looks back at me, I'm a little worried. Can you tell me if there's someone around this corridor?

Probably...I walk up to him, staring straight at the door as I expand' my hearing. It's weird, but it's also easy to do. Shaking my head, I step back. Have fun at work, I smile, and he easily smiles back.

You too, love, with that, he opens the door and leaves, neatly closing the door behind him.

Hmm. Walking up to the door, I lean against it and sigh.

When did he get to be so predictable? I knew exactly what he was going to do, and yet I know there's no way I could've stopped him. Truthfully, I wouldn't have wanted to. Just the touch of those steady, reasonable-sounding words is enough to make me think that maybe, just maybe...

Maybe we really can marry just for the sake of wanting to be with each other.

It's really foolish, it goes against everything I've ever learned, yet...it's such an attractive way of thinking. This isn't the normal way of thinking, the normal way of living. It's really more of a selfish desire that motivates me into accepting this...this strange idea.

If he wants to, if he's really certain that he won't regret it in the future, then...I'll easily accept.

Beowulf...you're really strange, you know that? Wielding your kindness indiscriminately like that...one of these days, you're going to kill me with love.

I'll be really disappointed if you don't.

-----

--tok...tok...tok--

It's past seven. Lying on my blankets in my nightgown, blankly staring at my shadowed ceiling, I push' my hearing up, up, all the way up past the roof of the church and alongside the clock tower, all the way into the clock itself. I don't know what clocks are made out of, but I'm hearing turning creaks and rhythmic clicks. It must be from Goug. I wonder if other churches have such advancements?

Focusing, trying to get used to the sounds of the clock as the arms painfully turn, maybe someday I'll be able to tell what time it is just by the sounds. After using my hearing to hunt, it seems like such a waste to go back to wincing every time the hour struck. Maybe if I can get this down, I can try directing this focus into other things...though I don't think Beowulf will teach me black magic. Maybe he can teach me that float spell?

--knoknok--

Why is he knocking? Hurriedly I roll off the bed and take several strides to the door before flinging it open and motioning him inside and closing it after he does so. Why did you do that?

Good evening to you too, he says dryly, do you mean knocking? Why wouldn't I do that?

I sigh before reaching for one of his hands and pulling him to my bed, forcing him to sit down a little less gently than I would normally. It's not a good idea. Since I expect you to be coming over a lot, it's not necessary. Plus, it leaves you out there longer, and you're wearing your uniform... reaching out, I start tugging off his scarf, it really just makes you so much more conspicuous...

I know he's looking at me strangely, even in the darkness. How often will I be coming over?

Well, as often as you want to risk it, really, my voice is very matter-of-fact, even as I tilt my head and give him a side glance, though, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to make your fiancé lonely, would you...?

I believe him. Even if his words sound too good to be true, I trust him.

I can't help it.

So, I won't.

...Reis, really...? He's silent for a moment before reaching out for me, his hands grasping my forearms as he leans in. I mean, of course not. That wouldn't do at all, he murmurs as his lips touch mine. I accept the kiss eagerly, feeling overwhelmed by the situation, my feelings, the fact that someday soon I'll be known as Reis Kadmus'.

That has a nice sound to it, doesn't it?

After a bit of tugging, we end up on lying on my bed, holding each other tightly. I still don't like the feel of those buttons on his jacket; pressing against either my back or my chest, they're still uncomfortable. You seemed as if you were going to decline, he whispers, tugging lightly at the ends of my hair, what made you change your mind?

I...I didn't really change my mind, shifting slightly, I smile when his bare feet start nudging against mine. It makes me feel like a little kid again... but, are you sure you won't regret it?

Of course I won't regret it, his words caress my hair as he manages to entangle our legs even moreso than they already were, I don't change my mind that easily.

I hope not.

Even though I feel as if I did the right thing--the best thing--by accepting his proposal, I'm still a little worried. I'm so happy, yet I'm also anxious. Maybe I'll always feel a little bit like this, like I'm getting something too good to be true. Even if he says he's fine with me, a part of me still refuses to believe it. That's probably never going to go away, either. I do trust him, but...I can't help it.

No matter what he says, I can't completely shake the thought that I am somewhat a failure.

--You can't change the past, so why worry about it?--

I suppose. I am what I am, and nothing is ever going to change that. The one choice I never got to make...ah, it's not worth thinking about anymore. I should be more appreciative of it, really. At least I've made it this far.

Alright, Mama, I forgive you.

-End of chapter 25-

First of all, my apologies for the lateness. You'll note that this chapter is a bit shorter than usual as well. Let me try to explain this as concisely as possible:

There was going to be a sex scene in the chapter, but once I started working on it, I quickly realized there was no point in having it at all. So, I rewrote the beginning, but since I didn't have any alternate things to put down, this chapter is short. C'est la vie.

-The game has bi-counts'. I've never heard of that in real life, but I have heard of viscounts'. Would it be presumptuous to assume the translators messed up here as well?

Reviewers!

It's nice to see you again so soon, Mavina! Ehehe...thank you very much! You know, if it hadn't been for you steadfastly reading/reviewing the early chapters, I wonder if I would've gotten this far...well, I certainly hope you like this chapter!

Hey there, The Burning Misery! My crude humor doesn't need any work, and I haven't read a game magazine since I was...young. frets I'm happy to hear that you've finished something, but I've--this is hard to admit--never played FFVII. Every time someone tells me, But [tenshi], it's the best FF game and everybody's played it so you have to too! I automatically put that game off my to-buy' list for another year. So far I'm at six. But dark, damning' atmospheres...hm, I can't really help you, but why don't you try reading dark, damning stories for a start?
I'm happy you really liked the chapter. There are so many things in the game that could've been expanded upon...
Hm-hm...define soon'. The main story will be done before summer, sure, but...oh well. And I read your where you'll be moving to, you could conceivably hit me with that dictionary ;

Nice to see you again, Earth Rincar. Well, I was hoping as much, but I only felt it was honorable to at least mention it. Anyway, those reasons are pretty much the same as mine when it comes to why they're interesting, especially the classic fairy-tale' part. Well, except that the heroine tends to turn into something dainty and small and not into a lumbering monster of death, but I think that makes it more interesting. And I would disagree with the second to Orlandu' thing, but then again I use Reis a lot more.
As for the chapter...thank you very much!

Hi, Toastyann! Theology...the closest I've ever gotten to that was Asian Religions, and that was a philosophy class. So, in other words, no. Though, what's in the chapter is pretty basic, isn't it? Thank you...wow, your review is pretty short. I do like your longer reviews better, but I'm just happy to see you. I hope you enjoyed your break, even with all the chores.

Ello, Jaded Soul! I'm really happy you enjoyed the chapter! Hm, well, if you say so, I'll at least try to find the first one, though my backlog of games is ridiculous right now. Well, actually, I absolutely enjoyed the first episode of Berserk a whole lot more than most of the anime I saw at last year's AX, but because I don't have the money to pursue both anime and video games, I decided to cut off most series unless they're on TV. Well, it wouldn't hurt to buy the first manga volume...

Hey, Luna! Ah, I'm surprised...you're the only person who pointed out the issue at hand' in the chapter. Hm, makes me wonder.
I miss Peppermint too. She was fun to write and she didn't angst like Reis automatically does. (Though, that's really my fault, isn't it? Too bad I thrive on angst, as you well know.)
I was right, you're pretty perceptive. I'd like to deny that I was condensing the chapter, but this chapter proves that, yes, chapter 24 takes place over the course of a month. But first and foremost, I really liked the stylistic device. Did the dialogue-only parts take away from the chapter? I guess I wouldn't know, since I can see' them, but I didn't consider how most readers would feel about it.
Don't worry about the rambling, I just didn't know how to respond to it. I hope you had a nice break, I spent mine worrying about this chapter, trying to find the Disney concert hall for next month's FF concert, and finishing FFX.
Well, you were pretty much guaranteed to hit the preview quote right...you should be happy I didn't make it actually be a dream sequence or something!

Wow, that's a lot! Please, if you have any questions or comments, feel free to send a review or an email, depending on the situation. Thank you very much for reading!

Chapter 26: Eros and Psyche (A night-colored love): Reis, I hope you'll forgive me.