Dancing With Myself
(Continued)
Chapter Seven
- Temporal Prank -
A/N: Don't own squat, 'cept the plot.
The original story by Swordchucks kinda just… 'Ended' without a lot of resolution other than Voldemort's unique way of going out. Storylink#: 3992226
Summary of that story is that a Harry from an AU was told by Luna of his world that he needed to learn to 'Love Himself', and kicked him out of her flat. Few years later and he finds the 'plot!device' of a "sapphire the size of a man's fist that can grant a man any wish made with pure intentions". He made said wish, and was whisked to a different dimension where he was born a girl and currently the middle of her Fourth Year… and he White Knights himself… sorta. Anyway, his redheaded alternate that looks like his mother with his father's eyes falls for him… Badly. He also went from his late twenties to somewhere around 17 years old, losing a lot of scars and crap in the process.
Drama and an Apprenticeship Contract sees him taking his female self out of Hogwarts to train the girl and get her healed up with a potions regime that's quite bloody painful. The girl goes from looking like she's twelve to appearing to be sixteen-ish. Girl gets curves and Harry starts to weaken to her advances.
Dumbles then gets Sirius "Cleared of All Charges" in an attempt to get his weapon back under his control. More drama happens. Mockery is Made of the Tourney from Hell, and Voldy falls to the two Potters...
He ended it right there, and I just sat there going... "That's it? What about the Headbastard? What about the rest of the DeadHeads? Why do you leave me hanging, you raving inconsiderate twit?" (no offense Swordy)
My only caveat with the original story is what he named Fem!Harry. Harriet Lily Potter really doesn't make a lot of sense to me, if you put yourselves in the minds of James and Lily that is. Now, to go with the Flower theme that most everyone agrees that the Evans use for the girls of the family, then Rose would be a perfect first name for a red-headed child of Lily. Still, to make it even more believable, you could have them name her Roslyn, with a nickname of Rose or Rosie. Middle Name can go with the 'James' bit and use Lily or Lillian. Regardless, this particular Fem!Harry is "Rosie Potter" to the masses, and "Roslyn Lillian Potter" legally.
From "Dancing With Myself" Chapter Six
The greatest Dark Lord in almost a decade mewled pathetically as strong hands grasped him and two sets of lips slowly descended on his head. He screamed and thrashed but there was no stopping his attackers as they slowly pulled his very essence out of the shell that was housing it and consumed it.
Neither of the two survivors of the process could have said how long it lasted, but the rapture that overtook them as they jointly siphoned a rather small and damaged soul was tremendous. As they ate Voldemort, they were joined on a spiritual level far more potent than any physical merger, though they were vaguely aware of their bodies making the attempt to couple as the spiritual effects bled over. Some time later, they came to themselves, naked and still joined on the muddy ground. Harry gave Rose a sheepish smile as the two of them cleaned themselves up with a few charms, not bothering to separate.
"This is something you will never tell our children about," Rose muttered as she kissed him.
"Children?" he asked, more than a little surprised.
"Yes. Children. Voldemort is dead and the world needs more Potters."
All of the reasons why this wasn't a good idea slowly fell away from him as her lips descended on his. She was him, and he was she. However, now they were together and heaven help those who stood in their way.
Little Hangleton Cemetery
After cleaning up from their first rather embarrassing and lengthy tryst, Harry nabbed a still stunned Pettigrew and dumped a vial of The Draught of the Living Death down his throat. A muttered portkey took the rat to the dungeons of Grimmauld Place, where Kreacher took great delight in his task of securing the first prisoner of the House of Black in a dog's age.
Looking the grounds over, Harry picked up Voldemort's wand and handed it to Rose. "Here, now you can dual duel if it strikes your fancy," he said with a silly grin on his face.
Rose stared at him with squinted eyes. "That was a horrid pun, but thank you. Now what?"
Rubbing the back of his head, Harry eyed her. "Well, you did mention children."
"Yes?" she said with a raised eyebrow and a half grin half smirk. She was literally the cat that got the cream and wasn't afraid to show it. Six months of chasing the man would do that to anyone, but damn that was fun—so was making him twist, but that was neither here nor there. Just seeing Harry's resolve crumble into dust was worth all the gold in her bloody vault.
Huffing, Harry faced his red-headed counterpart. "Well, if you want this to happen, then certain things need to be done. One, we need to go to Gringotts and ensure everything is the way it's supposed to be… and I just had a brilliant idea,"his voice trailed off in an odd tone as his eyes unfocussed.
Seeing the glint in Harry's eyes that usually preceded a round of something painful, a prank or both, Rose was understandably suspicious. "Oh, shite. No training! We're done!" she shrieked.
"No, no nundu," he said with a smirk and a shake of the head, earning a glare. "The one thing I've been kicking myself for not having on my person before I got shot here, was the Potter Family Time Turner." He looked her in the eye. "You should have one in the Potter Family Vault."
Rose nodded slowly, then shook her head. "Okay, I'm lost. What are you plotting?"
"You want to get married, right?" Harry said rather boldly.
Knees going all wibbly, Rose nodded. "Yes, that's usually the precursor to having children," she said rapidly with a large smile, while dancing the Flamenco in her head with castanets and everything.
After a few minutes of explaining his idea, the cemetery was filled with Rose's cackling laughter.
Diagon Alley—Gringotts
Two cloaked and hooded individuals made their way from the Leaky Cauldron to the Bank. The shorter of the two mumbled to her companion, "Well, we'll know if this works if Padfoot is at the door. And look, there he is." A round of giggling followed that.
"Work on your poker face, Rose," Harry chided. "Use that occlumency I taught you."
"Yes, master," she quipped, causing him to roll his eyes.
Coming to a stop in front of a smirking Sirius Black, Harry grinned. "What did I tell you?"
"That you two were going to turn me grey," Sirius deadpanned with a scowl, before grinning. "Seriously though, this is a brilliant idea. I wish I thought of it," he chuckled. "Everything's set up. Both vault masters are waiting on us."
"After you," Rose said with a flourish to the door.
Sirius grinned. "Why thank you, my dear."
"Age before beauty," Harry grinned, making the old dog huff.
Inside, the trio were lead through the twisty tunnels and corridors of the business side of the bank. Entering a conference room, the three waited till the two elderly goblins waved them to the chairs. For propriety and decorum's sake, Sirius sat between Harry and Rose.
The goblin on the right nodded and slid a sheet of parchment over in front of both teens. The goblin on the left slid daggers to join them.
Already knowing what they were doing, Harry and Rose both nicked their left index fingers and bled five drops on the parchments in front of them in perfect creepy tandem. Almost immediately, the same family tree was made on each parchment. The only difference being, of course, their own names.
"Fascinating," the goblin on the left said, before looking up at Harry. "You are from a different reality, yes?" At his nod, the old goblin hummed with a bit of a grin. "So, technically, you are the new Potter Lord."
"Wait, what?" Harry and Rose blurted at the same time. With matching furrowed brows, they then turned to Sirius. "What's this Lord bullshit, Padfoot?" they echoed in stereo.
Eyes bulging, Sirius looked between the two, then focused on Harry. "I can almost understand Rose not knowing, but you have no idea?"
"Explain, Black!" Harry said a bit crossly. Here again, was yet ANOTHER thing that was kept from him.
During the break before the ritual, Harry turned to Sirius. "So, who are we going to say is my mother?"
"Jessica Aurellia Aubrey," Sirius said in a monotone. "She and her entire family were killed in 1978. Since you're around seventeen, that would put your birth year at '77 and is perfect for our purposes. I still have a lock of her hair, so she really will be."
Gently, Rose laid a hand on Sirius' shoulder and tried to look him in the eye. "Paddy? Who was she to you?"
Blinking, Sirius swallowed. "I was going to marry her," he rasped. He was then enveloped in a tight hug from Rose. Inhaling sharply, he forced a smile.
"We don't have to do this, Padfoot," Harry said quietly. "I had no idea. My godfather never said a thing."
He shook his head. "S'alright. Jessie was always good for a prank. She'd enjoy this." He pulled out of Rose's arms, only to turn and grab Harry up in a near back breaking hug. "I can't have children, pups," he whispered. "Rudolphus Lestrange cursed me sterile, so this is a good thing."
"I love you, Sirius," Rose and Harry said at the same time.
Grinning, Padfoot pulled Rose into the hug. "Love you too, pups."
The adoption ritual was, for the lack of a better description, bloody excruciating. Sirius simply held onto Rose as she could feel every cell in Harry's body change and was screaming along with him. Hours later, while Rose was holding a thoroughly blitzed on potions Harry in the aftermath, Sirius looked his new son over.
Jessica Aubrey's hair was as black as Sirius', so nothing changed there except the fact that he'd lost the 'Potter Curse'. Instead of going every which way, it was rather silky with gentle waves. Sadly for his eyes though, lost the Evans' green and faded to an iron grey that resembled Orion's—Sirius' Father's.
He had also grown six inches, which is where most of the pain had come from, what with all the bone adjustments. To Harry (and Rose) it felt like a rather malicious version of skele-grow with a crucio booster. His hips and ribs narrowing a bit while his shoulders grew more broad was the worst of it.
Rose mentioned later that it was worse than the potions regime that Harry put her through to correct her malnourished state.
Harry's face had also narrowed and became a touch more aristocratic, with subtle nuances from Jessica. Instead of sharp features, like Sirius', they were softer. The aquiline nose was similar to the Potter one, but was pure Aubrey though, as were the smaller ears and the shape of his eyes.
When Rose really looked at him, she smirked. "Hubba Hubba, Hubby."
Testing a theory, Harry used his internal polyjuice replication and reverted to his prior appearance. Grinning at his reflection, he turned and gave Sirius a wink.
"Metamorphmagus?" Sirius asked, a bit shocked.
He shook his head. "Not really, but close enough." Reverting to his new appearance, he commented. "Not sure exactly, but I think I'll get used to it."
Hearing Harry's new slightly baritone voice caused Rose to pant, before she turned to her godfather. "Get us married. Now. Tired of living in sin."
Snorting back a laugh, Sirius chuckled. "That's almost exactly what Lily said to James in the middle of seventh year!"
As for his new name through the adoption, Harry got his way. He was now legally and magically Hadrian Sirius Black. Harry for short, of course.
Harry's previous foray into OWL'S, NEWTs and Masteries as James Oslow would be utilized for his back-story, as he really didn't want to go through that trouble all over again. The goblins were only too happy to put through the parchment for that.
For a fee, of course.
The legal wedding consisted of a blood-quill signed and backdated marriage contract to 12 August 1980 that Sirius pranked. The bride price was ₲500,000, whilst the dowry was ₲500,001. Since they were going to complete it today, only the bride price would be listed in the Daily Prophet.
Harry and Rose loved it and the three tweaked their noses at pureblood politics over the whole thing. They even heard a pair of goblins chuckle, which was just weird. As for the original signatures, some of Harry's blood from before the ritual was used with a dictaquill that was charmed to write in James' handwriting.
While it was legal fiction, Harry and Sirius were after holy bloody vengeance against Percy Weasley.
One cart ride to the Potter Family vault later, and they had the Potter Family Time Turner. Another cart ride got them the Black Family Time Turner. Following him to Grimmauld, the two took the current turner and spun back twelve hours.
Grinning maniacally, Sirius then went to the top floor and waited all of thirty seconds when a bedroom door appeared from a dispelled fidelius, before knocking. "How are my two favourite kids?"
Twelve Hours Ago—12 Grimmauld Place
Harry looking like the old Harry and Rose appeared in the entrance hallway. "Oi, Padfoot!" they called out together. There was a surprised yelp, before said grim padded down the stairs in a full four pawed dash.
Sirius popped back up human not a foot away from them. "What the devil are you two doing here? The third task is tonight, in less than four hours!"
"Calm down, dogfather," Rose said with a grin. "We're still there."
"Eh?" Off his look of confusion, Harry held up the Potter time turner and the light dawned. "Ohhh! How'd it go?" He looked at Rose. "Did you win?" The kitty cream smile she gave had him grinning. "That's my girl! So, what tomfoolery have you two been up to?" His eyes were sparkling now.
Harry took this one. "Sorry Paddy, but we're about to turn you grey."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius frowned. "I've got years, no, decades to go before that happens! You insult me, sir. This perfection will be around a long time, I assure you," he said snobbishly.
"Remember to breathe," Rose said quietly as Harry reverted to his new appearance. Sirius gaped at him as he recognised what he'd been feeling as soon as they arrived.
"Breathe!" Rose barked.
Gasping, Sirius ran his fingers over the side of Harry's new face. "You… you remind me…"
"…of Jessica," Harry said quietly with a small smile. "Yeah. You told us she would've loved this."
"I blood adopt you?" Sirius said with naught but his breath.
Rose nodded and was just as quiet. "You did. Said you had a lock of her hair for the potion.
Overwhelmed, Sirius pulled Harry into a gentle but tight hug. "I have a son," he whispered with tears leaking. "Whuh… why'd you let me?"
"I lost my Sirius; my dogfather a long time ago," Harry said just as quietly. "This is the only way Rose and I could get what we want, and…" his voice dropped to being barely audible. "I always wanted a dad."
Sirius squeezed him tighter briefly, then pulled back to tilt Harry's head down in order to kiss his forehead. "You just made an old dog very happy," he said with watery eyes.
Tears going down her own face, Rose hugged them both from the side. "We're a real family now… dad."
He looked at her sharply. "Oi! James was your dad! That adoption was legal fiction! You know, to get around the Headmaster."
Giggling, she shook her head and pulled a scroll from her handbag. Unfurling it, she handed him their copy of the completed betrothal contract—now wedding certificate.
Eyes big as saucers now, Sirius read the important lines. They were the standard rather large script in comparison to the rest of it.
Groom: Hadrian Sirius Potter-Black
Bride: Roslyn Lillian Black-Potter
"Married?" Sirius said in an absurdly high pitch, completely gobsmacked. He then grinned like mad at Rose. "You caught him!" Cackling, he grabbed them both up in a tight hug.
Harry, realising what had happened, lightly whacked Sirius on the back of the head with his left hand. "You were in on this the whole time?"
Sirius pulled back, beaming. "Of course I was! Gave her encouragement whenever I could… plus a few tips," he ended rather primly.
"Of course you did," Harry grumbled with a roll of his eyes, while Rose kissed his cheek with a titter.
Giving Sirius a gimlet eye, Harry smirked. "All right, all right. Took me a while, but I got there." He glanced at Rose. "What you think? Should we sic Madam Bones on him? Dog needs his leash, ya'know."
"Oi!" Sirius baulked, then thought about it with a rather canine head tilt. "What's weird about that is, she was only two years ahead of us in school. So where'd all that grey hair come from?"
"Charm? Glamour?" Rose guessed with a shrug.
Blinking, Harry tilted his head back. "Possibly. I've seen objects that enhance a person's appearance, so that isn't that far out there for the reverse to be true."
Shaking her head, Rose kissed Sirius' cheek. "Okay, enough of that. You need to get to Hogwarts, Padfoot. When 'James' and I disappear," she finger quoted, "make a big scene and act like you're chasing after me or something. Then take the Potter Time Turner and twist back about six hours or so, then go to Gringotts and set up this backdated betrothal contract."
"Backdated?" Sirius said in confusion, before pulling away from them to look it over. "Oh, I see!" He paused when he saw James Potter's signature in blood. "Oh, that hits you right where you live. How'd that happen?"
"A quill that was charmed with Dad's handwriting and Harry's blood before the ritual," Rose said. "The goblins dug the quill out of some high security vault or something. You'll have to ask about that. Backdating it to 1980 will negate the false betrothal between me and Weasley," she ended with a hiss.
"He. Did. Not." Sirius said in a dead, yet enraged low tone of voice.
Rose nodded slowly. "What's interesting about it, is that it was signed by Dumbledore and Molly Prewitt in 1983."
"Prewitt?" Sirius said with a twisted face, before a look of recognition came over him. "Oh, hell. Poor Arthur."
"I suggest you get him to St. Mungos for a full potions diagnosis, father," Harry said formally, causing Sirius to smile. "This also enacts monetary penalties for any bastard that gets their way with her before the contract is finalized."
The temperature dropped several degrees as Sirius glared in Harry's eyes. "Who?" his voice echoed with the magic he was radiating.
"Percival," Rose said a bit meekly. "The summer before my second year."
"He's a dead man," Sirius growled. The room actually rumbled with the amount of magic he was radiating. He even had a visible electric blue aura.
Harry grinned evilly. "Since he's technically Percival Prewitt, the penalty will be paid by his mother, which oddly enough matches the amount of galleons she was paid from Rose's vault per the fake dowry—plus a penalty charge, of course. We already decided he volunteered to be our test subject for a variety of curses."
"I like it," Sirius said quietly with an equally disturbing smile on his face.
Harry held the Time Turner up. "Here, take this and get to Hogwarts. Is there a bedroom here that no one goes to? I'll pop a fidelius on it after we use the Black Family Time Turner. Dobby should be able to get us food and whatnot."
"Needs an en-suite bath," Rose tacked on, slightly disturbed yet comforted at Harry and Sirius' protective streaks towards her.
"Master Bedroom," Sirius said instantly. "I see you're wearing the head ring. Well you both are, really. Kreacher shouldn't baulk at that, especially since you're now Lord Black and Lady Potter."
"That works," Rose and Harry said together, before heading up the stairs in perfect step with each other.
Grinning, Sirius followed.
They got to the top floor and didn't see a door anywhere. "Looks like it worked," Sirius commented. "How far back are you going?"
They looked at each other, then turned to Sirius. "Two weeks," they said together.
"Why so long?" Sirius asked, confused.
Rose rubbed Harry's back. "He's still on pepper-up and high pain relief potions. That blood adoption was absolute murder, and was only a few hours ago for us. When those potions fade, the goblins said that Harry's going to be out for a few days."
Examining Harry more closely, he could see the slightly glassy look in his eyes. The half smirk was a touch goofy looking as well. "Right. You take care of him, Rosie."
"Oh, I've got a full series of potions they gave me for him," Rose said with a small smile. "I'll take care of him 'til the end of time," she whispered, earning a proud look from Sirius.
"Go, before you drop out, Harry," Sirius said, hugging them one last time. "I'll see you tomorrow, while you'll see me in a fortnight. Love you, pups."
"Love you too," they chorused. Harry pulled the Black Time Turner out of his pocket and wrapped the chain around his and Rose's necks. Twisting the spinner, he looked in Sirius' eyes. "See you in a while. Actual tomorrow is going to be oneeee heck of a hootenanny," he slurred. "Be sure to bring Amelia mob handed."
"Looking forward to it," Sirius grinned as Harry let go of the spinner.
14 Days Before the Third Task
Once they finished spinning back once more, Harry saw the door and opened it. Rose led him in and shut it behind them. The Master Suite was quite huge. Before they could give it a good once over, they were challenged.
"Who dares enter the Lord's Chambers?"
Turning, they saw a painting of a stern looking man. Harry grinned, recognizing him from the Black Family Tapestry. "Hello, Grandfather."
"Grandfather? What's this nonsense?" Orion Black scowled.
Bowing slightly, Harry grinned wider. "Lord Hadrian Sirius Black at your service, milord. Forgive my appearance, but I've been awake for a bit over three days." He held his right hand up and showed the head ring to the painting.
"So, Sirius spawned," Orion sneered. "Who is your mother?"
"Jessica of House Aubrey," Harry glared. "Spit your slurs and you're ashes," he snarled.
Orion's brow went up. "Indeed? My apologies, dear boy. One cannot be too careful. I'm surprised he didn't marry that mudblood he adored so much. Glad he kept the bloodline pure."
"Oh, yes," Harry drawled sarcastically. "Like you did any better following that Half-Blood Bastard, Voldemort, you hypocrite."
"What?"
"Oh, you didn't know? Pity," Rose said as she drew her new Yew wand, drawing Voldemort's fire letter trick of 'I AM LORD VOLDEMORT'. Harry then took over and flicked his wand to rearrange the letters to spell 'TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE'.
Seeing the look of recognition on Orion's face, Harry nodded. "Riiiight, you went to school around the same time, didn't you? How's it feel to be duped by that son of a muggle?" he sneered. "Do you have any idea how many blood lines that monster ended? DO YOU?!"
Seeing the painting sputter, Rose was a bit consoling. "Don't worry. That feeling you're experiencing is your paradigm shifting," she grinned. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lady Roslyn Lillian Black née Potter, Lady of the House. Now, if I hear any more of this pureblood nonsense, I wont be above burning you and spreading your ashes over a muggle school. As it is, I don't want you in this room. Kreacher!"
The old house elf popped into the room looking confused. "Master and Mistress? Kreacher knows you bes Lord and Lady Black, but not knowing hows it be. No, Kreacher does not," he grumbled.
"Kreacher," Harry said. "I am your Lord Hadrian Sirius Black. This is your Lady Roslyn Lillian Black." He showed the elf his head of house ring. "Do you recognize me as your Lord Black?"
"Yes, Master," the elderly elf said, then grumbled, "Son of the disgraced. Oh, what would mistress say?"
"I would say that I approve," Rose said, "as I am your mistress, not Walburga. Now take Lord Orion's painting and any other personal portraits out of this suite of rooms, and store them where others won't see them for two weeks."
Harry interjected, "Kreacher, you will not tell anyone we are here, including Father. You are not to speak to anyone outside of 12 Grimmauld Place. Lady Black's personal elf will attend to us whilst I am convalescing. You may not interfere with his work at all. Do you understand?"
"Yes, master," Kreacher said with a bit of respect, surprisingly enough.
"Follow our orders," Harry stated.
"Now wait just a minute!" Orion objected, still sputtering.
"Yes, master," Kreacher nodded, then snapped his fingers several times, removing at least three paintings that they could see.
"Ensure they don't leave their frames, Kreacher," Rose added.
The elf nodded. "Yes, mistress." Snapping his fingers again, he popped away.
"I need to sit down," Harry said tiredly. Rose steadied him toward a rather plush chair. She cleaned the dust off it with her wand before letting him sit. "Thank you. Want to call Dobby? He can get this place fixed up in no time."
Present
The first three days into the fourteen were spent with Harry unconscious. Rose fretted over him and didn't stray far. Dobby had cleaned and cleared the Lord's Suite from the first night, and tended his 'Mistress Rosie Potter, Ma'am's Harry'. Mostly he took care of voiding Harry's bladder and bowels while he was out for the duration, and periodically cleaned him. Rose simply kept up with his small potion regimen that was needed for nutrition and muscle recovery.
The first two days after Harry woke up were spent eating a veritable plethora of food, getting about more fluidly and becoming accustomed to his new 'default' appearance. Rose took great pleasure in discovering all the new nuances that Harry had. Fortunately, Harry's todger hadn't changed that much, except being a touch thicker that it was before. She noticed that more than he did, though. It was wicked, in her opinion.
The next nine days were spent seeing the sights in Paris and Rome, where they used the time as an impromptu honeymoon. They didn't plan on having much time after everything came to a head unless they used the time turner again. They also had a two day stopover in Switzerland, where Rose took her O.W.L.s. Nine International Outstandings later, and she was free of Hogwarts.
Rose had convinced Harry to not use any of the various contraception methods, and checked herself morning and night with detection spells. Like she said, the world needed more Potters. Won over fully, Harry just nodded and agreed.
The night before they caught up with themselves, she had a positive reaction. Said reaction was a bit of a surprise for the both of them, however. Apparently, they were going to have twins… a boy and a girl.
Harry would forever deny fainting from that information, while Rose would publicly needle him on that for years. That was one of the ways she would get him to blush in public.
Discussions about names was where they came to a bit of a loggerhead between them. Harry wanted them to be Lillian Roslyn Black and James Hadrian Black. Rose wanted them to be Elizabeth Chara Black and Sirius Hadrian Black, to keep with the Black naming tradition.
Before they could go much further, there was a knock at the door. "How are my two favourite kids?" they heard Sirius nearly bellow.
Dobby answered the door and in came the grinning idiot. "How'd it go, pups? All recovered?"
"Much better, thank you," Harry nodded.
Rose still had that canary smile. "I'm just brilliant, Paddy."
"I know that look," Sirius pointed at her with a hopeful expression on his face. "Rose, my dear, are you on the nest?"
"Oh yes!" Rose beamed at him. "Twice!"
Sirius was forever united with Harry in their denial of fainting. Harry gave him an 8.5 for missing the chair as he fell down, though. Rose didn't stop cackling in glee for at least ten minutes.
Ministry – DMLE Director's Office
Amelia Bones was interrupted from her morning tea by her secretary. "Sirius Black to see you, ma'am."
"Send him in." Regardless of the pun, the serious look on Black's face alarmed her. "Siri?" When she was shown the two documents, her face mirrored his.
It was then that Sirius pulled something out from behind him. "Amy… Scorched Earth."
The Director, having discussed this with Black and Lupin many times over the year, glared at the rat in the cage. "Where was he?"
"Trying to resurrect the Dark Wanker in Little Hangleton."
Hogwarts Great Hall
The morning after the third task had every table filled for news. Well, not that anything would be truly said in the Prophet, but from those in charge of the tournament. With it being a Sunday and no classes, the hall was just as packed as the Opening and Leaving Feasts. More so, since the other two schools were also in attendance.
There was supposed to be a ceremony for the winner of the tournament this morning. Diggory, Delacour and Krum were at their usual tables, but where was the winner? Where was the Girl-Who-Lived?
The doors to the hall opened slowly with little fanfare. However, everyone turned to look anyway, since aurors in full crimson combat robes entered in two rows. Murmuring throughout the hall increased as they split and lined the walls. Only one witch counted that there were twenty six in all, before turning back to see who else was arriving.
Minister Fudge with a toady in a pink cardigan entered and walked pompously towards the staff table. After them came Director Bones and her staff of three, Sirius Black and someone most of the school didn't expect to see: Former DADA Professor, Remus Lupin. Instead of his usual rumpled appearance, Lupin was also in combat robes, as was Black. They were wearing hit wizard metallic grey, though.
With Rose under her invisibility cloak, Harry made the wind whip around the great hall just like he did the first time. And, like before, the students and staff started to panic. With a flash and a boom, Harry appeared. The fact that he was dressed with his crimson half mask wasn't lost on anyone.
The Minister and his toady both squeaked, humorously enough.
"Greetings," Harry's altered voice whispered throughout the hall. "There was a grave injustice perpetrated against the Ancient and Noble Houses of Longbottom, Potter and Black when I first appeared as thus."
There was a pause before he continued. "Therefore, it was decided to play a masterful prank." Harry noted the almost Pavlovian response the Weasley twins made as they sat straighter, their attention fully snared. "Now, knowing that there was a three hour window to void the initial draw from the goblet of fire, and that it passed by without so much as a 'by your leave'… steps needed to be taken."
He waved his left hand over himself. "This form was guaranteed to scare the living Medusa out of Dumbledore. And, his immediate response was to do what he should have done thirteen years ago: Exonerating Sirius Orion Black. Now, this wasn't out of guilt or benevolence. No, this was to ensure that Roslyn Lillian Potter was firmly under his withered thumb once more. See, Mr. Black is Ms. Potter's magically bound godfather. In other words, the only legal magical guardian Ms. Potter ever had. Then there's the rabid FACT that Dumbledore was the one who cast the Fidelius Charm on the Potter's summer cottage in Godric's Hollow. He KNEW Mr. Black wasn't their secret keeper."
McGonagall twisted from the sight of him to glare at Dumbledore, who was busy squirming in indignation. Everyone else saw the half of Harry's face that was visible smirk.
"Whilst I had Ms. Potter away from this meat grinder of a school, I did my best to train her properly. Combat, potions… you know, all the things that are supposed to be taught here, yet aren't."
Snape's nose flared angrily at the slight, which caused Harry, Rose, Remus and Sirius to snicker.
"But," Harry continued, "there was that clause that Dumbledore forced Mr. Black to sign in payment for his release. Dirty pool, old man, forcing the Girl-Who-Lived to remain at Hogwarts until she passed her O.W.L.s. Still, the times and plans were… malleable."
He chuckled darkly as he snapped his fingers, changing to his Oslow persona. "So, I decided to take a gander inside the halls, whilst still training Ms. Potter," he intoned in the rather jovial yet condescending tone that everyone knew.
"For the record, Headmaster, your legilimancy skills are absolute complete rubbish." Ignoring the affronted look, Harry preened a bit while smiling at the students.
"Only after Mr. Black was able to contact Gringotts, was he able to find a fraudulent betrothal contract between the Ancient and Noble House of Potter and the Ancient House of Weasley. Number 6, if I recall."
Turning to a now grinning Ronald, Harry chided. "Don't be so smug, Mr. Weasley. The reason it was fraudulent is due to several factors: One, neither house was signed for by their head of house. Two, Dumbledore was never Ms. Potter's guardian. Three, Molly Weasley does NOT have the authority to sign betrothal contracts for the Ancient House of Weasley. Your father does.
"And Finally: Four, Roslyn Lillian Potter was already in a betrothal contract with the Ancient and Noble House of Black."
He snapped his fingers again, revealing his new appearance. "Specifically to ME, Lord Hadrian Sirius Black, the Black of Black and now Regent to the Ancient and Noble House of Potter!"
After the requisite gasps from the students, and a hushed no from Dumbledore, he added, "Oh, and due to the heavy handed manipulations of your esteemed headmaster, the official contract was finalized and consummated. And I'm happy to say that we're already expecting. Now, if I may introduce my gorgeous wife, Lady Roslyn Lillian Black-Potter, my Lady Black and The Lady Potter!"
Rose came out from under her invisibility cloak. "You tried to keep me from my betrothed, Headmaster," she hissed. "That's attempted Line Theft of an Ancient and Noble House. Oh, and I'll take my family's wand back, thank you."
With five deathly hallows in their possession, the second elder wand had no choice, while Dumbledore had no chance of preventing it. The other elder wand rushed from the Headmaster to Rose's open palm from across the hall.
"And… that's… three," Rose said slowly and quietly, much to Albus' absolute horror. Her grin was predatory as she openly met his gaze. Said grin was quite evil in appearance, as it promised pain.
Sirius was so damned proud, he nearly wet himself. If he was in his animagus form, his tail would be whirling like that muggle whirly thoopter flying thingy. He had a son that was a True Marauder and was absolutely revelling in it.
Hermione Granger was stunned beyond comprehension and rational thought. Her best friend was MARRIED! Married and PREGNANT! And, oh my goodness, was that man a dish. He was everything Padfoot was and a whole bag of honey glazed chips. Her mind raced over what was said about the Headmaster, but was caught in such a hormonal fugue that she couldn't completely focus on the matter.
Damn her hormones!
If she wasn't so focussed, Hermione would have noticed many girls as well as some boys were just as discombobulated.
The Ravenclaw Table had their own problems, as Fleur had lost control of her allure. Boys were hazy, Girls were jumpy, and those closest had actually passed out from her instinctual assault on the Lord Black, which he was ignoring! Bâtard! She only came out of it when Gabrielle slapped the back of her head. "Mon Dieu," Fleur whispered, completely flushed.
Neville was floored. His family was victimized, sure, but this was unreal. Motion behind the Lord Black drew his attention to his fuming grandmother, complete with vulture hat. He only saw her like that once, and the back garden was completely re-landscaped in under an hour. Thank Merlin she hadn't done anything to the greenhouse that summer.
The only werewolf in the place was doing his utmost to not laugh his arse off. Those closest to him could hear a rumbling chuckle, though.
Severus Snape was nearly apoplectic at this point. Rose and Harry gave him a '6' for his facial colour change on the Vernon Scale. He was deducted two points for it being splotchy instead of uniform. Plus, there was a lack of a pulsating vein in his forehead yet.
Ronald Weasley was furious and terrified all at once. Even he wasn't thick enough to not realize the amount of trouble he was in.
His brother Percy was just terrified, though. He didn't know who froze him in place, but the glare of malevolent vengeance the Black Lord was giving him was a rather blatant clue. His eyes flicked over to the Lord's father and saw a wand covertly pointed at him. With his near eidetic memory for rules and laws, he knew he was a dead man. Why did he listen to his mother?
As for Dumbledore, aside from the fact that he was doing his utmost to ignore the utter fury that McGonagall was glaring at him, he was as white as a ghost. His pawn had just became the Bloody Queen of the Board! He was Ruined!
"To reiterate," Harry continued quietly, "Biggest. Prank. Ever." Looking to Amelia, he nodded with a smile. "If you wouldn't mind, Director?" he asked jovially.
If she had known of any of it before this morning, Amelia Bones would have laughed at the ridiculousness of the very idea. However, being shown the two marriage contracts, she was beyond livid. The questioning of a certain rat only emphasized the matter. What Arours that hadn't accompanied her were busy doing raids.
Turning from the Young Lord with a nod, she addressed the Headmaster at natural near sonorous levels. "Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, you are under arrest on the following charges: Abuse of Political Office, four completely separate sets of 553 counts of Child Endangerment, Child Abuse of the Heir of an Ancient and Noble House, Attempted Murder of an Heir of an Ancient and Noble House, Improper Placement of an Magical Orphan, Violating the Last Will and Testament of an Ancient and Noble House, Perjury, Malfeasance, Attempted Line Theft of TWO Ancient and Noble Houses… and finally, TREASON of the Wizarding World Against the Crown!
"TAKE HIM!" she ended in a bellow.
The utter scandal would change the political landscape forever.
A/N2: Hope you liked that. I'll leave the rest to the imagination. Only thing I'd add would be that Rose had two sets of twins, with the second set having the last name of Potter.
