Chapter Twenty Eight
Carol ignored the looks Merle kept shooting her way during the drive home. She kept her mouth shut and she kept her eyes on the road. She didn't want him asking about Abe Ford because there wasn't anything to really say about the man and Merle wouldn't ever believe it. He was the type of guy that turned everything into something disgusting. Her and Abe had grown up in the same town and went to the same school their whole lives. He had moved away when his father had passed away. They had been close friends but that was it. They hadn't ever been in a relationship or anything.
"So, you and Big Red ever fucked?" Merle asked, his voice nothing but innocent.
She shot him a look. "No Merle. A man and a woman can be friends without something like that happening. Him and I grew up together. We had the same friends. He was always nice to me and that was it."
"You and Daryl weren't friends for long before you fucked him," he said innocently.
She scowled. "I'm not talking about this with you, Merle. Just drop it."
He was quiet for a while but the silence must have started to get to him. "So that was Ed, huh?"
She sighed. She wanted to forget that she had ever seen him. She wished that she could just avoid the man forever but that wasn't likely to happen. At least Merle had been with her. She knew Merle didn't like her very much but she had also seen the look in his eyes when Abe had gotten Ed on the ground. She knew that today, Ed had been lucky that he had dealt with someone like Abe and not Merle. "That was him."
He was quiet again for a few tense moments. "Can I ask you somethin'? No bull shittin'?"
She smiled grimly and glanced at him. "Sure, Merle."
"You were with that cock sucker for five years? He beat you stupid and I know that ain't all he did to you. Why the fuck stay? I don't get it."
She bit her lip. What kind of answer could she give him when she didn't even have a good answer to give herself? "I think I just got used to it. You hear enough times that no one would ever want you and you're useless, worthless, things like that, eventually you start to believe it. And where could I go? I have no family and I had no friends. Until that night Daryl stopped to help me off the side of the road I had barely spoken to anyone other than Ed in years."
Merle studied her. "Did you use my brother to get yourself away from that asshole?"
She put the Jeep in park next to Daryl's truck and turned fully in her seat, meeting Merle's eyes. "I would never do anything like that. Not to anyone and especially not to him."
He kept staring at her, making no move to open the door. She felt the need to really explain herself to him and she didn't even know why. She couldn't stand him and he didn't make it a secret that he couldn't stand her either.
"All of this," she gestured towards the yard and the house, "All if it just kind of happened, you know? It was like a domino affect. You have to understand that. The night he gave me a ride home I ended up leaving my purse in his truck. He looked up my number and called me to let me know he had it and I went to his house to get it. I was only going to stay long enough to get the stupid purse and then leave. I didn't want to talk to him, really. I was afraid. But he'd made coffee and then asked if I wanted some and when I started talking to him, I didn't want to stop. He listened. He didn't look at me the way other people looked at me, you know? There wasn't any judgment there. There wasn't even pity even though I knew he knew what was happening to me."
He didn't say a word and she felt an overwhelming need to tell him more. She needed him to know. For some reason she needed this man to understand her.
"I left but before I got back home I felt so angry. Angry that it had been so long since I had had a friend to talk to. Angry that I was about to willingly walk right back into that house and wait for the next blow. So I turned around and I walked right back to Daryl's house. I knew the price I'd pay if Ed found out but I wanted too... no," she shook her head and realized that there were tears in her eyes. She brushed them away angrily. "I needed to go back. So he took me to that little diner and I swear, it was one of the best days of my life. I met Tara and I met Hershel and Annette. We shared ice cream." She let go of a shaky tearful laugh and shook her head.
The corner of Merle's mouth turned up slightly, which surprised her. She had been expecting him to mock her. She had expected him to criticize her. But he didn't. For once since the day she had met him, he looked like he was really hearing her.
"He made me feel like what I said mattered. He made me feel like things could be better. I didn't mean to suck him into my life, Merle. If you never believe another word that I say, believe that. I knew I should stay away from him. It was that next morning that things got bad. Ed was... worse than usual. I hadn't been able to sleep well that night, I guess from all the excitement. I overslept and Ed was furious..." She swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat. "He, uh... It was pretty bad. I guess the stars aligned in my favor though because Ed and his friend ended up at the same gas station as Daryl. Daryl heard them laughing about what Ed had done to me and then..." She glanced at the house, a sad smile on her face as she remembered that day.
"Then what?"
Her eyes slid back to his. "Then he came and pretty much forced me out of the house. He made me pack a bag and he took me out of there. I never asked him to. I begged him to just leave but he wouldn't. I knew what kind of burden I was going to be. I didn't want to do that to him. I didn't want him to be involved in the mess that I had created. But he wouldn't take no for an answer. I never asked him to do what he's done for me. I would never ask anyone for that. You don't have to like me, Merle. I just can't stand the thought of you thinking that I would ever do anything to hurt him or put him in a spot that I knew he didn't want to be in because I never would. He's the best person I've ever met." She was forced to wipe more tears away and it was becoming increasingly hard to talk through the lump in her throat.
He finally looked away from her, towards the house. "I'll be damned," he muttered. He looked more troubled than she had ever seen him look before.
"What?" She asked, holding her breath and waiting for him to lay into her in that harsh way of his. She braced herself for the storm of words that would surely pour down on her. If nothing else she expected him to laugh in her face because she was openly crying like an idiot.
"Nothin'," he muttered as he opened the door and climbed out of the Jeep.
She hurried out, grabbing her bags and trying to catch up to him. "Not nothing," she said, grabbing his arm.
He kept walking until they were on the steps and then he stopped, almost causing her to slip on the ice that had accumulated since last time they had cleaned the steps off. "You're all love struck and shit. This whole time I thought you were tryin' to suck everything you could outta him. I didn't think you gave two shits about him at all. I don't like bein' wrong. It pisses me the fuck off cause it don't happen very often."
She scoffed, shaking her head. "He's my best friend, Merle. I love him but I'm not love struck. That's ridiculous."
He shook his head, his eyes troubled. "You two are blind as bats. I walked in and fucked shit up thinkin' I was lookin' out for him. No wonder he's been so goddamn mopey."
She actually felt sorry for him. He looked so upset that she placed a hand on his arm. "Merle, you didn't do anything. Things were just moving too fast. Who knows, if you hadn't shown up we could have really messed up our friendship."
He snorted but he didn't pull away from her touch the way she thought he would. "At the rate the two of you were movin' if I hadn't shown up then you'd probably be married by now."
She was about to say something else when the door opened and a very unsteady Daryl took them in with a narrow eyed gaze. "The fuck have you two been? You know how borin' it is here alone?"
Carol felt her eyes grow wide at his slurred words.
"Oh shit," Merle muttered.
Daryl stepped away from the doorway so they could go inside. Her eyes scanned the room and spotted the half empty bottle of whiskey on the table. "Oh, Daryl," she said picking up the bottle. "You drank all of this on your own?"
He collapsed onto the couch, slumping. "I did. Where the fuck were you two?"
"Pollyanna here dragged me off to the goddamn mall. It was hell. Be glad you weren't the one stuck with her," Merle said quickly. He gave Carol a look that was actually unnecessary. He was warning her not to mention Ed and she already knew better.
"It wasn't so bad," she said meekly. She sat down on the couch next to him and he instantly tried to grab the bottle from her. She held it out of his reach and thankfully Merle walked past the back of the couch and took it instead.
He walked towards the kitchen. "You're gonna puke, baby brother. You forgettin' the last time you drank this shit?" He called over his shoulder.
Daryl scowled and swiped a hand over his face. "It's fuckin' hot in here. You think it's hot in here?"
Carol shook her head, watching him carefully. "No, I don't. Maybe you should go lay down. I'll hook up your fan and you can cool off."
He looked up, meeting her eyes unsteadily. "Why the hell did you have to listen to Merle? It don't make any damn sense why you'd listen to anything he had to say instead of listenin' to me."
She felt herself growing more and more nervous. She had been all for drinking with him before but now that he was actually quite obviously drunk, she couldn't help but wonder what kind of drunk he would be. Would he take offense to anything she said? Would he get mad at her? Drunk people did and said things they normally never would do or say. "We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?" She said, trying to placate him.
He sighed heavily and glanced around. "Where the hell did you put the whiskey?"
"Merle put it away. You've had enough for the night." She didn't realize it but she was fidgeting with her hands. The only reason she realized it at all was because his hand shot out and covered both of hers with his own.
He stared down at at their hands, frowning deeply. When he looked back up she couldn't read his expression. "Don't do that."
"I'm sorry," she breathed.
He shook his head. "Don't do that either." He pulled his hand away quickly. "Are you seriously afraid of me? What the hell did I do?" He sounded upset but not angry.
She shook her head quickly. "Nothing. You didn't do anything. I'm not afraid of you."
He shook his head and stood up, swaying on his feet. She stood up with him, just in case he was going to fall over. "You get all fidgety when you get scared or nervous and you keep your eyes down and you apologize a lot."
She looked up at him, her heart fluttering slightly. She had avoided being close to him for the whole week. Now he was right there in front of her and he seemed so eager to reassure her that there wasn't anything in him to fear that it broke her heart a little. "I'm not afraid of you. I'm just tired is all."
He blew out a heavy breath and was about to turn towards the stairs when he lost his balance and nearly fell into her. By sheer luck Merle happened to come out of nowhere and grabbed him by the arms, steadying him before Daryl could fall and take her out with him.
"I gotcha, brother. Let's get your ass upstairs before you break everything in the house." Daryl didn't look too happy about it but he let Merle lead him to the stairs.
He stopped before taking the first step, turning quickly so he was facing Merle who had no choice but to steady him again. "Why couldn't you have just been decent when you got back, Merle? Why'd you have to show up and then fuck everything up for me? I tried to figure it out but I can't cause I've always been a good brother to you. I ain't never fucked you over and I ain't never fucked you outta somethin' you wanted. Why'd you do that to me?"
Carol saw the guilt in Merle's eyes then. There wasn't really anything he could say at the moment. Not anything Daryl would be willing to hear anyway so he just shook his head. Carol covered her mouth with her hand when Daryl shoved Merle away from him, expecting Merle to lash out.
"I can get up the fuckin' stairs myself. Trust me, I don't need no more of your bullshit help, Merle." He turned and grabbed the banister, swaying for a second before he took a few unsteady steps.
Carol watched as Merle followed him anyway, staying close in case he fell. This was going to be a long night. She could already tell.
The thaw has began. Well, it has began with Merle at least. The weather, however, has turned frigid. That messes up my internet so I'm posting early. Hope everyone had a great weekend. If I can I'll post again tonight.
