I went and named all the chapters out of boredom. Did the same with Snow Instead Of Rain too. Not entirely sure why (well, to ease my boredom, I guess XD) but oh well.
Okay, so this chapter's a bit different. This mainly consists of how a child psychopath sees the world. And as a warning, mild animal cruelty, but nothing severe otherwise I myself might start tearing up.
And your cliffhanger, as always promised.
Twenty-Eight
A small boy with wavy, brown hair crouches down by a stream, ignoring all the other kindergarten children. He gently places his hand into the water, watching the crimson stain seep into the transparent liquid. The two mix together, and soon the tiny little stream is stained with blood. The boy smiles, transfixed by the display of the vibrant colour.
'Sôsuke? The teacher wants to see you.' Sôsuke turns to see a little girl in a yellow dress with curly brown hair stands a few feet away, stretching her neck a little so she can see what Sôsuke's doing. 'Why's the water red?'
'Maybe the sun makes it look red,' Sôsuke replies, and Masaki smiles, satisfied with this answer.
'You know that kid who was being mean to me earlier, Sôsuke? His nose is bleeding now, and he's crying,' Masaki tells him as the two make their way from the stream to their classroom, passing all the other children playing their various different games. Masaki is a little too young to put two and two together and realise exactly why the boy's nose is bleeding, and indeed what the one responsible might have done with the blood all over his fist to get rid of it.
'Are you happy?' Sôsuke asks her.
Masaki shakes her head. 'He said sorry to me. I didn't want anything bad to happen to him.'
Of course she didn't. Masaki never wishes anything bad to befall anyone.
Sôsuke clenches his fists and narrows his eyes, realising that he has failed to do the right thing again.
'Do you know what the teacher wants to say to you?' Masaki asks.
'I think so.'
'What is it?'
'Just wait outside, okay?' There's no way the angel shall be allowed to see the demon's true colours. It's best to keep Masaki as innocent as possible from this sort of thing, the way Sôsuke sees it. He understands this already at such a young age. Watching his parents die with their eyes rolling up into their skulls as the bullets thudded into their brains... Sôsuke sees everything differently from the angelic little Masaki Kurosaki, and he's the determined to keep it that way. If she were to see even a glimpse of a world outside all her friendliness good intentions, she would... well, everything would change, wouldn't it. Sôsuke is determined to keep their world the same. To Masaki, Sôsuke is her best friend, who can do no wrong. So while he steps into the darkness, she must stay in the light...
Growling in irritation, a young terrier gives a warning snap as a nine-year-old boy's hand comes closer to the top of its head.
'You're not very nice, are you?' Sôsuke says, smiling coldly. 'You shouldn't be so mean to angels, you know.'
The dog lunges out from beneath the bush it's crouched under, it's mouth quickly grasping Sôsuke's other wrist. He uses this as a distraction, ignoring the pain, and his free hand clasps around the dog's throat. The creature tenses immediately, letting out an angry yelp which releases Sôsuke's other wrist, and his grip tightens. The brown, dilated pupils of the animal stare in alarm at the boy.
'You shouldn't have bitten Masaki,' Sôsuke murmurs softly.
A low whimper makes its way out the terrier's throat. The animal twists violently, desperately trying to release itself. Sôsuke's mouth curls up at the corners, his eyes widening as they take on a crazed look.
'Hi, Sôsuke!'
The boy spins around in an instant, his hand dropping from the dog's throat. Masaki Kurosaki's eyes widen as she spots the animal behind her best friend, wheezing pitifully on the ground.
'Is that the stray who bit me when we walked back from school?'
'Yes,' Sôsuke replies quietly.
'What's it doing here?' Masaki asks, glancing around the orphanage grounds.
'It followed me,' Sôsuke lies. 'I was just telling it off for biting you.'
Masaki smiles and laughs apologetically. 'It's fine, really. You don't have to be mean to it.'
So forgiving, a true angel...
And what am I? Sôsuke thinks to himself.
A demon, the dog's pained brown eyes tell him clearly.
I should have destroyed the miserable thing before Masaki got here... 'Why have you come, Masaki?'
'To visit you, of course,' she says cheerfully, fearlessly approaching the animal that bit her a couple of hours ago. It's almost as if the dog regrets its previous actions as it nervously licks Masaki's hands in a friendly manor. It had better regret it, Sôsuke thinks savagely.
'I think he was just scared, before,' Masaki says, sympathetically rubbing the wounded dog's belly. 'He looks hurt. I wonder how that happened. Maybe we should call a vet.'
Sôsuke doesn't want to argue with Masaki. 'Maybe we should,' he agrees quietly.
'That new boy's pretty cool, isn't he?' Masaki asks him as the two of them sit down at their usual table in the school cafeteria. 'He gave me a cookie as a birthday present yesterday.'
Sôsuke nods, containing the hatred inside him. He's gotten pretty good at that over the years. In fact, he doesn't remember a time before all the dark thoughts inside his head. Occasionally he lets it worry him that absolutely everything in the world is hated by him. Everything and everyone. He knows that seeing his parents being murdered has something to do with it. He pictures the people around him dying violently, and he lets the anger inside him out at times when he feels the need to release it on someone whom he deems an enemy. But then again, to him, everyone is the enemy. Everyone is hated. Everyone will die, Sôsuke hopes.
Everyone but Masaki.
She is the light to his darkness. An angel to a demon. Good to bad.
And she is currently focusing all her attention on someone else.
Isshin Shiba has already made a ton of new friends and is happily chatting away with them. A few tables away, Masaki's cousin Ryuken glares at him, obviously not approving of how relaxed he was around Masaki yesterday. Sôsuke attempts to liken this to how he feels, but he knows how different he is from the others around him. He's aware that there's something wrong with him, but he doesn't mind. The idea that there are so many people around him, all human beings with blood pumping through their bodies... it fills him with disgust. Yes, physically he is one of them. But mentally...
There's no denying it. Sôsuke's aware of how terrible he is inside. But amongst all that hate, amongst all the paranoid thoughts that any of these people could just whip out a gun and end his life just like how his parents' lives were ended, there is one tiny piece of hope, one thing that holds him to the ground and stops him from... breaking...
… one shred of actual love...
… and she's still not looking at him. Just gazing fondly at the new kid.
'Sheesh, what's your problem?' Isshin says, trying to push Sôsuke off him. The brown-haired boy has pushed the other up against an alley wall just beyond the school grounds, his face unreadable as it hides within the shadows.
'Where are you taking Masaki on Saturday?' Sôsuke says calmly.
'Wh-what?' Isshin says incredulously. 'Just to the cinema. Why, is she your girlfri-?'
Sôsuke feels that unexplainable new emotion twisting in fury inside him. From the books and movies he's read and seen (all in which to understand and try to blend in with other people), he would say that this is probably... jealousy.
He does not like it. Not one bit.
He presses his hand up against Isshin's throat, remembering the dog whom he attempted to kill a few years back, and who now is the loved pet of Masaki. The creature still shrinks away in fear from him whenever he comes to visit Masaki.
'Sôsuke? What are you-? Isshin!'
In a flash, Masaki has reached the scene and is pushing the two of them apart, a horrified look on her face. Isshin slides down the wall, gasping for breath.
'Why, Sôsuke?' Masaki cries, a betrayed look shining through the tears in her eyes. 'Why?'
Sôsuke stands there, wondering if she'll hit him. But no, his dear Masaki is an angel. She won't do it. She's too perfect for that.
'Have fun on your date,' he murmurs, turning to leave.
I've started to see Sôsuke in a different light. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but it is.
He's... I don't know what word to use. I don't know. Different. No, I don't want to use that, but it seems adequate. I don't mean he's changed, because now I look at it properly, he hasn't. He's always been like this, and I never noticed.
When I say different, I mean he's not like other people. I hate saying that, but... I always thought he was unique. I know about how he saw his parents get... well, there's no need to get into that. Sometimes, when he looks at me, it's like I'm... how do I describe this? Like I'm the only thing that matters. Do I sound big headed? I must do. But that's just how it feels. It's like everyone else is just garbage to him. I know I'm his only friend, unless you count those gangs he sometimes accompanies.
I look back at all the memories I have with him, but my whole view of them has changed. Koto, my dog, was hurt around the throat when I discovered him with Sôsuke. I never questioned it. I thought Sôsuke found him like that. But he bit me, a few hours before, and I know think that Sôsuke must have...
There's something... wrong with him. I hate to have to say it. If I hadn't come when he was in that alley with Isshin... I don't want to think about it.
I'm so worried. Maybe he's sick. Maybe it's something medical. Then, can it be cured? Would he be the same Sôsuke I know if he was?
I'm such a horrible friend, saying that there's something seriously wrong with Sôsuke. But I'm so scared. What if he flips out again while I'm not there?
It's been years since I've seen Sôsuke, but I saw him yesterday.
I didn't really want to write about it in yesterday's entry, which was a little selfish of me, I know. But, come on! It was my big day! Not that I'm Masaki Shiba now. Isshin's actually taking my name, so now he's one of the Kurosakis. Well, there's only two of us, but that's not for long.
Okay, so that's two major things I need to talk about in this entry! One: I saw Sôsuke. Two: I'm pregnant. About five weeks in, and the doctors already reckon it may be twins inside of me. I mean, wow! Four Kurosakis soon!
I must have missed Sôsuke in the church. I of course sent him a wedding invitation, but he never replied. So I didn't notice him during the actual ceremony. I was a little too busy not collapsing from nerves as I walked down the aisle, after all!
But during the reception, after the Best Man's Speech, I spotted him standing over at the double doors at the end of the hall. It was definitely him. He's so much taller now, a proper grown up, like me. (Gosh, I feel so mature writing that! I'm going to be a mother soon, I really need to act more like an adult!) Anyway, he just stood there, watching me, and then he turned and quietly pushed one of the doors open and then he was gone. I wish he could have stayed. I have no idea what he's been doing these last few days, only that his permanent location was somewhere in New York (which must be true because the invitation must have reached him). I hope he's happier now, and better. I wish we could still be could friends like we used to.
'Sôsuke!' Isshin looks absolutely bewildered as he opens the front door to find Sôsuke Aizen standing out in the rain, looking so very different from when he last saw him. Sôsuke no longer wears glasses, and his hair has now been pushed back with one little curly stand dangling in between his eyes.
Isshin takes a cautious approach, remembering how this man almost choked him once. 'What brings you here?' he asks coolly.
'I heard the good news,' Sôsuke replies, his face betraying no emotion. 'I haven't seen Masaki in such a long time, and I know that isn't right.'
Isshin crosses his arms. His personality is usually bright and cheerful, but this man in front of him is someone who attacked him and there's no way he's just going to suddenly trust him, especially after how much Sôsuke hurt Masaki when he left all those years ago.
'Come on in,' Isshin decides finally, figuring that he should keep a close eye on the other man.
Sôsuke nods at him and steps into the hallway of the Kurosaki household. He's internally grateful that he can actually call it that, because he hates the idea of Masaki changing too much, and the fact that she kept the surname so familiar to him delights him.
Masaki is in the living room, sitting on the sofa as she cradles two tiny babies in her arms. One has already got a mop of vibrant orange hair, sound asleep in his mother's arms. The other is pale white all over, both skin and hair, and he blinks up at the newcomer with peculiar black and yellow eyes, giving the appearance of contrasting innocence and something... demonic. Sôsuke wonders whether he should be interpreting anything as evil, considering who he himself is. He stares hardly at the child, and the little albino promptly bursts into tears, burying his head in the light blue blanket his mother has wrapped around him.
'Sôsuke!' Masaki exclaims, her face shocked.
'Hello, Masaki,' Sôsuke says softly, trying not to let the embers inside of him ignite of full flames of fury as the albino awakens his orange-haired twin, who also joins him in screaming.
Isshin walks over to his wife and carefully takes the two crying babies from her arms. He doesn't want to leave Sôsuke alone with Masaki, but he knows that the she has a special connection with her childhood friend, and she might be the only one who will ever be able to get to through to him. So Isshin carries the two boys upstairs to their beds, giving the two in the living room some peace.
Masaki rises from the sofa and pulls Sôsuke into a hug, trying not to become emotional. 'How have you been?' she asks as they pull apart.
'I'm fine. I've been travelling a lot. I run my own business now, so I'm doing well financially,' he replies with a warm smile.
'That's good,' Masaki says, a genuine smile on her face as her eyes shine with tears.
'How about you? I see you have twins now.'
'That's Ichigo and Hichigo,' Masaki laughs, trying to dab her eyes with the sleeves of her cardigan. 'They're only three weeks old.'
'They're beautiful.' Which is fine coming from a man who for a long time believed that he had absolutely no concept of beauty. But then Masaki's face would always flood his mind, and he'd remember the childhood the two shared together.
'How about you? Have you met anyone?'
'There was someone, a long time ago,' Sôsuke says quietly. 'But it wasn't meant to be.'
Masaki bows her head sadly, understanding. 'Sôsuke...'
'She was an angel,' Sôsuke continues in a murmur. 'Perfect, absolutely perfect. So different from who I am.'
Masaki opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it when no sound comes out.
Sôsuke then smiles again. 'But no matter. May I see the children?'
'Wha...? Oh, yes, of course! Isshin must have put them to bed, so hopefully it will be a little quieter...'
Once they've reached the boys' bedroom, Sôsuke blocks out the sound of Masaki's voice as she introduces them, announcing the orange-haired one to be Ichigo and the albino to be Hichigo. He looks down at the two children and sees them as two inpenetrable obstacles.
Sôsuke has spent the last few years believing Isshin Shiba- no, Kurosaki, to be the problem. But that can be torn away easily in a divorce. A love like that can eventually be obliterated, no matter how long it takes or how impossible it seems. But a mother's love for her children... that's eternal and incomprehensible. They are what will always hold Masaki's heart in place, keeping her love for Isshin strong, keeping them together as a family...
… and destroying Sôsuke's last hope for ever allowing the angel to return the demon's love. Love, the one thing the demon is actually capable of, despite all the hatred for everything else.
These two tiny twins in front of Sôsuke are why he will never win Masaki.
If he can't ever be allowed to be with his angel, the one piece of light to his world of darkness, then...
… she is not needed anymore.
As Sôsuke leaves the house that night, planning to not return for quite a few years, he decides that when he comes back, he will find a way to destroy that source of light. He doesn't want to live in the black abyss, knowing he can't have one who shines. He would rather it to become the pitch black of reality.
No matter how much it will tear him up inside.
Sôsuke Aizen gets one more shot at possibly loving someone in the years he is away before he plans to come back to Karakura. But he misses the obvious at first, and that too is in the form of a child.
The woman is sweet, caring and kind, a beacon while Sôsuke feels lost, and he actually begins to wonder if maybe, just possibly, he might actually have found a life of light. But the woman loves the child of her dead husband too much, and this child is far too much of a barrier for Sôsuke to be able to handle.
He finds a picture of the woman and her child as he waits in their house for the two to come back from a day out together. He tears up the picture, throwing the half with the boy into the fireplace and keeping the other half, imprinted with the image of the boys' mother.
When the two come home, he attempts to murder the seven-year-old boy, but the mother jumps in the way to protect her child and the cold steel blade of the knife goes deep into her heart instead. The child falls backwards in horror, his head slamming violently against a wall. He pulls himself to his feet unsteadily and flees the house in terror, the final image of his mother protecting him becoming fainter and fainter in his mind as the blow on his head takes affect. He finally collapses alone in a street, his terrified, large, emerald eyes closing, and when he awakens a few hours later, he can remember nothing prior to this moment.
Mom worked it all out in the end. She knew there was something really twisted about Aizen, but she cared too much to let it destroy her hope in him actually being a good person, Hollow thinks bitterly as he watches Aizen use the kind façade he always showed to Masaki Kurosaki as he 'comforts' Ichigo. Masaki's diary has told him everything.
Hollow's twin has lowered his gun slightly, but it's still pointing at him, which is worrisome. The albino keeps his own gun pointing directly at Aizen, but he's uncomfortable with how close the man is to Ichigo, because what if Hollow fires and it hits Ichigo instead?
Out of the corner of his eye, Hichigo spots movement through the large oval window, down on the street below. He recognises the figures immediately; they're Grimmjow, Nel, Ulquiorra and Dark. Why have they come? They could get hurt...
Ichigo has a war raging inside of him. Part of him wants to believe that Hichigo is telling the truth. The other part still doubts everything his twin says. His emotional trauma causes him to be very unobservant.
While Hollow's eyes are locked on his friends outside and Ichigo has his head down, completely unresponsive, internally debating on what to do, Aizen reaches down and carefully takes Ichigo's gun without either twin even noticing.
Hollow turns back to Aizen and Ichigo and says, 'Get away from him, Aizen. I'm warning you. Get away from Ichi-'
The air is torn from his lungs as a loud bang deafens his ears.
What? His mind is sent into a turmoil-
A terrible agony, like a ripping sensation, erupts inside his chest, just mere centimetres from his heart-
He can feel the blood pumping violently in his ears-
No, his mind screams. NO.
Can't breathe, can't BREATHE-
His knees buckle beneath him, and as all the light fades from his eyes, he is left with one last image of Ichigo staring at him in horror as he screams his younger twin's name.
Then it all ends.
Not the last chapter, okay?
There may be two more, there may only be one more. We'll see, I guess.
