28. Permanent Damage
9:34 Dragon
Her eyes were cast down, as if focusing solely on the floor before them. The muscles in her jaw remained tight, lips pressed in a neat line. Asher refused to look his way. She was escorted out of the lower chambers that evening by the Templars as they ascended the steps toward the Knight Commander's office. It was Cullen's duty to take her from that point on. Orsino walked over to her side, taking her hand in his, and letting out a wide smile.
"I am glad to see you are well." He whispered loud enough for Cullen to catch.
'Well' was an understatement.
Asher had not been made Tranquil, despite the weeks of isolation she was subject to. The color in her face had practically disappeared. Her cheek bones were abnormally high and hollow. There was splotched darkness below her eyes. The skin of her hands had been pulled. Cullen was familiar with this sight, unfortunately, all too well. They may not have turned her Tranquil but it was clear that Asher was denied food and water just enough to keep her alive. 'Well' would not even begin to describe her current state.
He shuddered a breath, careful to keep his composure. One of the escorting Templars looked his way, bowing his head to take command. Cullen stepped forward. "We will take it from here."
Loraine walked around his side, extending his arm to receive the end of the chain that the Templar held to restrain Asher. It connected to the shackle at her wrists. In truth, there was no purpose for the iron metal. Any seasoned Mage could release themselves from the constraints, blasting it to smithereens. The reality was what these shackles meant to symbolize; the rein that Templars held over Mages. Treating them like cattle pushed for slaughter, it was a sign of their passing under the yoke. Cullen could not bring himself to take up the end of that iron chain and Loraine knew it without having to guess.
"Please take the lead." Cullen spoke between clenched teeth. "First Enchanter, if you wouldn't mind joining Templar Loraine."
The two proceeded toward the office as Asher followed behind. Loraine kept his pace matched to hers so that the chain wouldn't pull unnecessarily as Orsino walked at his side. Cullen swept behind, keeping his gaze focused on her back.
Even from this view, the robes she wore were too large. If the fabric hugged the curve of her waist in the past, now it appeared as if its weight dragged her down. It hung over her shoulders, pulling everything to the ground. Her steps were heavy as her legs barely bent.
He suppressed the urge to reach out. It took all of his willpower to not toss aside his practiced loyalty to the Order and rip apart the chains. There was shame in this scene that gnawed at his conscience. If he had his way, he would be out of Kirkwall by now and headed back to Ferelden with Asher at his side. For all of the days he cursed Greagoir, his foolish, younger self would never know what cruelty people were capable of. Perhaps a rebel Mage deserved this kind of treatment. He envisioned that this would be someone whose hands were soiled in the blood of his comrades after committing heinous crimes against the Chantry. That would be the type of person that needed the punishment. But Asher was different. Asher did not kill people, or cause harm to others. There was only one thing that mattered to her and Cullen was painfully aware that he did not hold that special place in her world.
And at the end of the day, he could not blame her for that choice. Just as he would defend and protect his own men, Asher had a sworn duty to look after the children who were caught up between the Mage-Templar conflict. If choosing between her apprentices and him, Cullen was certain that the lives of her students were more important than his own. Anything less would be unnatural for her.
They entered the main hall. The moon had illuminated their path for the most part, guiding them through the windows as it cast down the light onto the stone floor. Their armor echoed with each step. At the end of the hall he could see the candlelight that peeked under the cracks of Meredith's office. She had called Cullen and Loraine earlier that evening to bring Asher from the lower chambers for a final verdict.
Ever since she was taken under surveillance for treason, Cullen could not help but reminisce on the first time Asher was accused of assisting Jowan in his escape in Kinloch Hold. The circumstances were different this time though. Unlike Greagoir, Knight Commander Meredith had no personal connection to Asher. And this time around, Cullen was not going to pace in his quarters to await her Rite of Tranquility.
Orsino's note spurred him to take action. The first night Asher was placed into confinement, Cullen had rushed to Meredith only to find Orsino already at her door. They made brief eye contact before barging into her office. One spoke over the other, stumbling on words and mixing sentences into one incoherent mess. Orsino questioned the accusation for its lack of evidence while Cullen swore on her character. At some point their rambling settled and Meredith finally answered, stating that an investigation had to commence before her final sentencing. That was the last they heard from her until today.
The door to Meredith's office was pushed open as another Templar greeted the group inside. Stepping past the door frame, Cullen quickly met Meredith's gaze behind her desk where she sat with a report laid out on her table. He reached behind him to close the door as the last person to come in.
This was it. Whether they found Asher guilty of crime or not, this was going to be the turning point for everything. If she did wrong by the Chantry, her fate would be sealed. But if Asher was innocent, would she even be able to return to her usual life? What was usual for her, in the first place? Cullen braced himself, fists clenching tight at his side.
"Our investigation has come to an end." Meredith began as her hand lowered to the stack of bound papers. "We started to look into this matter when it was first hinted that the Junior Enchanter, Asher Amell, was suspected of being a liaison for an underground information network with the outside rebel mages."
"And as I've already told you, there have been many witnesses that you've spoken to who have not corroborated those claims." Orsino cut her off, "This is one Templar making false accusations against a hard-working and dedicated scholar."
"First Enchanter…" Loraine gave a warning as he shot a glare to him.
"Yes, we have talked to many of Amell's closest acquaintances, all who have only spoke of her in high regard." Meredith continued, "And upon searching her quarters thoroughly, we have not found any evidence that would suggest that she has any connection to the ongoing uprising of traitors that we are seeing within and outside Kirkwall's walls."
Cullen could barely hear her words over his thrashing heart. The pulse in his neck hammered against the vein as his vision skewed from the anticipation.
"What's more, both the First Enchanter and my own Knight Captain have only backed those statements of Amell's tenacity for the Circle's wellbeing. Though one is her mentor and the other, for lack of a better term, her executioner." She paused.
Cullen looked up, uncertain what to make of that announcement.
Meredith leaned in, "You were the Templar that Knight-Commander Greagoir of Kinloch Hold assigned to strike down Amell should she not pass her Harrowing, is that correct Knight Captain?"
"Yes." He barely managed to force his voice to come out.
"You saw her temporarily possessed by the Fade and, of all people, could recognize if she were under the influence of a demon." She pressed her fingers together, keeping a close watch over his response, "Is that correct?"
Cullen tensed. "Yes."
"Our current intel only confirms that Amell has no direct ties to the rebel mages, nor any contact outside the Circles. The last thing as our duties as Templars is to check whether she has been possessed by demons before making a final decision." Meredith lowered her voice. "Knight Captain, could you please do the honors and check for yourself whether the Junior Enchanter appears to have any sign of possession."
"Will a visual assessment suffice, Knight-Commander?" Cullen bit the inside of his cheek.
"As you are the Templar who has known Amell the longest within this Circle that I leave it to your discretion." Her eyes squinted. "Be advised that should we come to discover that she has been possessed after you make your assessment and it not match the truth, you will also be held responsible for that mistake."
Cullen bowed his head, eyes averting hers. "I understand."
Everything seemed to drown out into the background as Cullen walked around to the front. He solely focused on Asher as he stepped before her. Neither Orsino's eager smile nor Loraine's concerned brow mattered at the moment. All he needed to know was that Asher did not fall prey to a demon as a desperate cry for help while she was detained. He yearned to see that nothing in the Fade had touched her soul to corrupt her mind. She was so close to surviving this horror.
"Please look up." Cullen mumbled under his breath.
Asher remained in her spot. Her hollow gaze was still fixed to the floor.
Cullen sucked in a breath as his shoulders strained against the fears that crept around the corner in his thoughts. "Asher… please look at me."
It did not escape him the feeling of deja vu. The last time he spoke those words were at the Tower during the siege. She was wiping away her tears and scolding her weakness, completely oblivious of his earlier confession. As the realization sunk in, he watched her thoughts race through her blank expression, attempting to process what he said. Rather than allow her to be consumed by the endless sea of scenarios that were crafting in her mind, Cullen wanted to set everything in order. He was determined to express the affection he felt for her despite what their positions had been.
Now he asked the same with the intention of checking to make sure that she was still bound to her position. If he was willing to ignore their ranks in the past as Templar and Mage, now he needed to confirm that she still remained in that place. The irony was devastating.
As he was ready to make one more plea, Asher lifted her chin.
Her eyes were void of life. There was exhaustion and dread in her expression. The dark circles were heavier than he had imagined. Her lips were dry and cracked. But it was the purple bruise that had already begun to brown on her neck that attracted his attention. Her hair obstructed his view earlier, causing him to miss the sign when she walked out of the stairwell. This was worse than a demon. This was a Templar who overexerted their power.
Cullen saw red.
He wanted to punch something. Anything. He wanted to ram the skull of whoever thought it was a bright idea to vulgarly touch her into a wall. Not only did this person violate their oath to defend the innocent, they went as far as to harm the defenceless. Asher was is no position to defend herself. Any act of defiance would have been used against her in testimony and the person responsible for this was sickeningly aware of their power differential. Cullen could feel his heart sink to the soles of his feet as the thoughts played out the possibilities in his mind. The darkness started to cloud around his peripheral and he would have allowed it to consume him had it not been for the vibrant green that brought him back to his senses.
Despite the suffering of being confined in isolation and the torture her captors ensued, Asher remained whole. There was no inkling of corruption.
Cullen closed his eyes as relief washed over him. The biggest threat had passed now and he could address the other concerns in time. Asher was going to be safe, if only for a bit longer.
"Seeing that you have yet to draw your blade, are we to assume that you have not found anything?" Meredith's voice jolted him back.
Turning away, Cullen looked to her desk. "Yes, Knight-Commander. Apologies for the delay. Junior Enchanter Amell has not been possessed by a demon."
"That is good news." Orsino chimed in from the sidelines. Rushing to Asher's side, he picked up her hands that were still bound. "What more proof do you need?"
Meredith gave a small nod. "I will honor my promise. Amell is to be released and cleared of charges. We will continue our investigation to weed out anyone who has a connection to the rebel mages, but Amell is expected to return to her normal duties."
Orsino's voice came out as a chilling hiss. "That's it?"
Loraine halted, grasping the keys to the chain tight in his palm. Cullen could sense the tension in the atmosphere magnify as he observed Meredith's demeanor shift.
"Excuse me?" She spat just the same.
"One of your Templars has falsely accused my Enchanter of treason." Orsino placed a hand on his chest. "Seeing as how she is innocent, this matter is still unfinished. Your Templar needs to be held responsible for the lie. He should face punishment the same way my Enchanter was forced to endure."
Her tone was threatening. "And what do you suggest that I do, First Enchanter?"
"The accusation made against the Junior Enchanter would have resulted in her execution." Orsino grimaced. "The accuser should face that same punishment for their lies."
Cullen could not believe his ears, and by the looks of it, neither could Loraine. They gawked at each other in complete stupor, dumbfounded and at a loss of composure. The worst of it was that there was a small, hidden part of Cullen that wanted to agree with Orsino. Rather than investigating a suspicion as per Templar protocol, someone had the audacity to jump straight to an accusation. It almost seemed logical to follow through with this request.
"No."
The statement came behind him. Cullen whipped around, as did most of the room.
"I will not have someone die on my account." Asher spoke up louder. Her stare was now fixated on Meredith. "My accuser did not conduct an investigation prior to my imprisonment. It would only be fair that an investigation be held while they are placed on probation until it is uncovered what drew them to that conclusion in the first place."
"Probation is not the same as solitary confinement!" Orsino cut in. "The only one who ends up suffering from this debacle is you. How is that fair? Where is the justice in all this?"
Cullen took notice of her slight flinch. Something triggered her practiced demeanor to crack and it appeared that he was the only one to spot it. Asher immediately broke her contact with Meredith. She looked to him, life flooding back into her expression. Only fear stood out among everything else. He matched.
"Enough of this." Meredith's voice echoed within the office.
Immediately, Asher reverted back into her shell. Her eyes closed as her head lowered. Only Orsino remained on edge.
"We will honor Amell's request to do a second investigation. As she expressed, that would be the most fair course of action." She turned to Cullen and Loraine. "Knight Captain, please escort the Junior Enchanter to her quarters for the night. Templar Ophel, see to it that the First Enchanter has a safe trip back to his room as well."
Cullen glanced back to Loraine who had by then extended his hand with the key.
He walked to Asher, reining in the chain around his arm before unlocking the shackle to set her free. The temptation to sweep her up in his arms and check her from head to toe had to be suppressed beneath the fear of Meredith's all seeing eye. He wanted to inspect everything. He needed to know whether Asher had sustained any more injuries that he missed. But if she did, would he have the composure left in him from exploding?
The party stepped out of Meredith's office. This time, Cullen lead the way as Loraine swept behind. Orsino managed to wrap his arm with Asher's, leaning to whisper for what little privacy he could muster.
Even Orsino's presence was a threat. When he received the note from the First Enchanter after his patrol, Cullen found it odd that he would trust in rumors about their supposed relationship to reveal that information personally. Unless Orsino knew something about them, asking for help from a Templar, no matter how seemingly close he was to Asher, was out of character for him.
Orsino continued to whisper something to her ear while keeping an intent stare on Cullen's back. He did not need to look to know when Mages glared at him from behind. It was a feeling that every Templar had grown accustomed to.
They turned the corner. Loraine stepped up to Orsino's side to gesture their departure. Asher never spoke back to Orsino during the entire night, never acknowledging him. As the First Enchanter walked off toward his quarters, Cullen had no time left to say anything before Asher continued down the hallway without him. He sped up to keep pace.
Her robe was stained. The edges barely hung on as the fabric scathed against the floor. It felt as if a decade had passed since they were last together alone. When she left him after breakfast that morning, the thought never crossed his mind that this could have been their final moment. Sure, he was well aware that their time was limited. He knew better than anyone else to not allow his daydreams to take over reality. But perhaps he wished that there would be signs of their inevitable end, something to signal them to say their goodbyes before parting?
That was naive of him.
Asher stopped at her door. Her back faced to him, the only sound that managed to escape her was the low rumble of her sigh. She placed a palm to the surface.
"Do you want to come in?"
Cullen nearly choked on his own breath. His nerves stung as he struggled to remain sane. He needed to answer quickly before she changed her mind.
"If you permit it."
She did not reply. Instead, the door was pushed open as it creaked gently. Asher went in as he followed closely behind.
The room was a wreck. Linen tossed to the floor. The mattress moved on its side and slumped. Drawers were emptied with her few belongings scattered about. A few of the books lay flat on the pages, crinkling paper. It was evident that the Templars who conducted the investigation had no qualms about her privacy and respect.
Asher bent down to start cleaning. She sorted her robes and worked to fold them back into the open drawers. It would have been too awkward to remain at the door, so Cullen took to placing her bedding upright. They proceeded to tidy up the room in silence, each working carefully to return some of the old normality. But even as the curtains were draped over the window and the linens tucked back into place, no amount of organized arrangement could cover the permanent damage that had thrashed her reality.
Cullen watched Asher take a seat at the edge of her bed. He retained his distance.
"I'm sorry about this." His heart hammered.
She looked up to him for the third time that night. "You're not at fault."
"What happened to you is not right." Cullen pressed on. "Proper protocol was not followed. It should have been-!"
"It's fine." Asher interrupted him.
He winced. The horror sunk in. Was she reverting back?
Noticing his drawback, Asher proceeded to fill the silence. "Protocols are not always followed when dealing with Mages. We're unpredictable, after all. They did not find anything to link me to the rebel mages. That's that."
"No. Our rules do not have exceptions. Someone decided to take advantage of their authority. They abused their power." He shook his head.
"Nothing is going to change." Asher retorted just as quickly. "The best I could hope for now is that Meredith leave me be to my work. Her feud with Orsino has already placed me in their crosshairs. I can't have my apprentices get caught up as well."
"The law has to be up-kept." Cullen's voice spilled into a mumble.
He started to sound like a whiny child. Instead of admitting the injustices that occur within the Circle walls, he would rather cling to ideals that were subject to interpretation. He should be part of the investigation. As a Knight-Captain, it was his duty to keep his men in line and abiding the law. Yet, someone managed to slip through the cracks and cause mayhem.
Asher's imprisonment resulted in her students taking a more aggressive stance with the Templars, which prompted the Enchanters to pursue more defying acts within the Gallows. While Kirkwall raged with the growing Qunari dilemma, the Circle was quaking with its own uprising. The stability was threatened by every action and Asher's was merely one of the many that was causing the pendulum to swing to the other end.
Cullen gathered himself. The night was long and Asher probably needed all the rest she could get now that she was free from her confinement. There was no reason to continue their disagreements when what everyone required the most was sleep. He had plans to finish reading yesterday's reports before heading to bed himself.
"Please don't leave."
His heart stopped.
Cullen turned back to Asher as he was nearly halfway to the door. His thoughts crashed.
"At least… for a little while longer." She fidgeted in her spot. Her eyes darted to the ground once more. "I don't want to be alone again. If you could stay until I doze off… I promise it won't take long… I'm nearly asleep myself."
He bit his tongue. During the weeks she spent away, the Templars must have kept her confined on her own. Why wouldn't they? It was the rule, after all. While a Mage is being investigated, it is customary that they are not allowed any contact outside their chambers in fears of corruption. She was treated like a disease.
Cullen inhaled deeply.
"Alright. I will."
Asher flinched up, disbelief played across her face.
He started to unbuckle the straps that held his pauldrons as her face flushed to this sudden change in pace. "Go change out of those robes and into something more comfortable. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."
She shifted unsteadily off the bed. Slipping around him as Cullen stepped toward the mattress, Asher made her way to the drawer. He turned away. Now was not the time to infringe on her privacy. Though he desired to see the damage himself, he left it up to Asher to decide when she was ready for him to know everything.
He focused on his armor. The gloves came off once the pauldrons were set on the ground. The maroon undershirt that peeked from beneath his buckles was released, creases still prevalent from the tight grip. His fingers ran over the insignia of his chestplate, a sword pointed down with sun rays representing wings. He slid his fingers beneath the metal to pry open the restraints. The two pieces of his chestplate came undone, careful to keep them from falling and startling Asher in the wake. His breath set free from the missing weight.
"Does the armor ever hurt?" Her voice startled him.
Forgetting his self-control, Cullen whipped to look back at her. Thankfully, she had already changed.
The nightgown was a cream yellow, barely lighter than her skin. It came down to her feet that gently glided over the floor as she walked to him. Her arms were covered to her wrists in loose silk that danced idly behind her steps. The sole exposed skin remained her neck and collarbone. Cullen's hairs stood up on his neck once he recognized a similar splotched pattern that peered from above her chest and disappear under the gown. Asher maneuvered to cover her marks from sight, sitting at his side.
Cullen tightened his fist, hiding it behind him. He needed to keep her from thinking about the memories that caused those bruises. "It is heavy at times, but it doesn't hurt."
Asher nodded.
"You should lay down." He forced a smile to ease the tension. "I'll be next to you, so just relax and let your mind wander."
She opened her mouth to speak but closed it promptly without a word. Something was still on her mind but Cullen could not bring himself to prod for that statement. Right now, Asher required rest. Whatever she wanted to say could be saved for another day.
Hopefully.
Taking cue, she began to adjust, moving closer to the wall. Pulling the blanket over her, Asher buried herself into the mattress with her head resting firm to the pillow. Her eyes rolled back, taking in the familiar sensation of her bed. Cullen remained on the edge to allow quick access to the door, though he leaned against the headboard to prop himself up. He kept a watch over her as she snuggled into his side, forehead pressed to his hip.
Asher remained quiet for the rest of the night.
As she predicted, it did not take long for her to fall into slumber. The tension in her brow eased as she drifted off into the Fade. Her jaw unclenched, as did her hold over him.
The uncertainty of Kirkwall's future was looming in the horizon and neither of them were ready to meet that end. There were many things he wished he could have told her that night. But Cullen knew better. Everything he wanted to profess to her was going to be a lie in comparison. He could not will himself to rose-stain their time spent together. He could not tell her that he would not leave her. That she would never have to be alone again.
Because once he did, the moments they treasured together would come to pass.
Ah... we're getting back in the groove again... hopefully. Please accept this slightly longer chapter as an apology for my ADHD...
; - ;
I re-designed the chapters and now we're looking at a total of 85 (maybe?) and the upcoming ones are going to be good ;)
