Hey Everyone, Firstly I just wanna say thanks to my new followers and favouriters: Lizz1342, The unexpected one, & Sixtu16. Welcome to the story Secondly Thank you to cheekymadom, tcatch20, Eren23 & SkyWanheda for your reviews on the last chapter Hope you all enjoy this chapter even if it is just under a day late, this is a shorter chapter at 5500+ words but still enjoy everyone …..

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Clarke stood on the spot staring at Octavia she couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth the hatred she seemed to have towards her all of a sudden, maybe some of things Octavia had said to her applied but there was no way she was taking the blame for what Mitch had done to Octavia, watching as Octavia went to walk out of the room she responded;

"HELL NO" She shouted, the volume of her voice caused Octavia to release her hold on the door handle and turn around to face Clarke, her face filled with shock and anger almost exactly the same as Clarke's, looking Octavia firmly in the eyes she continued lowering her voice "I'm not to blame for any of this Octavia, Mitch was the one that crossed the line NOT me"

"You're the one that made the decision to pretend to be straight because you have daddy issues, all those years you told me not to hid who I was that being Gay wasn't something to be ashamed of and deny who you are"

"I wasn't playing or pretending to be straight I thought he was a nice guy and yeah maybe my dad played a massive part in me deciding but it wasn't because I was trying to be something I'm not all I know is that he was nice for a few seconds when I'd speak to him he made me forget about Lexa about how much it hurt not to be with her and to not know why she broke up with me" Clarke paused a tear running down her cheek as she looked at Octavia not able to bite her tongue she spat out the words she needed to "I understand why your angry at me I get it I should have been a better friend and warned you Mitch was on the war path but I was scared and in pain and I needed her, it wasn't about you or my dad or even wanting more than just to be in the same room as her because she makes me feel safe, safer than I thought anyone that wasn't my dad could make me feel" Seeing the look of distain on Octavia's face at the mention of her dad she added "Lexa told me why she broke up with me, that it was all my dad he's the reason for so much of the bad stuff that's happened in the last few years, but I love him he's my dad I can't turn that off no matter what he's done"

"Sasha nearly died because of him, that's not acceptable"

"I never said it was acceptable O, I said he's my dad and I can't stop loving him because he made a serious of messed up mistakes"

"Mistakes? Threatening someone isn't a mistake Clarke, getting someone shot isn't a mistake its attempted murder"

Clarke paused as she looked at Octavia realising that her best friend must have known exactly what Lexa had told her for a while "Have you known all this time?"

"What no"

"But you knew?"

"Sasha and Lexa told me the night of Papa Woods' party….and before you even think of having a go at me I didn't tell you because I knew how upset you'd be at your dad because I'm your best friend and I know how much you love him" Octavia explained as she looked at the hurt on Clarke's face all if a sudden the anger she felt evaporated, watching as Clarke sat on the bed she walked over and sat on the opposite end of the bed "Maybe I should have told you but I just got Sasha back and knowing he nearly killed her it made things seem so much more clearer than they had been"

"I don't blame you for not telling me, you didn't tell me because you were being a good best friend to me I can't be angry at you for that"

"Why are we arguing then?" Octavia asked she was slightly confused herself as to why she had started shouting at Clarke

"You said you wanted nothing to do with me anymore and I shouted back" Clarke smiled as she noticed Octavia softly giggle at her comment "I've learned from years of friendship that sometimes shouting at you is the only way to snap you out of somethings"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that I just don't know how to handle any of this…There are so many emotions running through me and I can't handle them all at the same time"

"What emotions?"

"Hatred, anger, love, confusion"

"I'm guessing anger is the main one at the moment" Octavia nodded at Clarke's statement making her continue "Have you talked to Sasha?"

"No, she's dealing with so much at the moment it's not fair to add more"

"You know she won't mind in fact I'm pretty sure she'd be upset with you if you hid anything from her"

"I know it's just when I'm with her it feels so good she makes me forget and feel safe and normal I don't want to lose that"

"You said she saved you, what did you mean?"

"She called Bellamy right?" Clarke nodded at her question "If she hadn't called him Mitch would have raped me and I know there's no guarantee that says that but I know he would have we both know he would have, and on top of that when I was sitting in my room not sure what to do feeling scared and wanting for everything to disappear she was there, I heard her voice and it made me feel like everything would be OK…I know that sounds ridiculous but..."

"It doesn't sound ridiculous O, I know that feeling it's one of the most real things I've ever felt" When Octavia looked at her unconvinced she continued "I feel the same about Lexa, I didn't run here because I thought you were here I ran here because I knew Lexa would be here and I feel safe when I'm with her"

"It really must be a family thing then"

"Must be…" They both smiled at each other feeling a massive sense of relief come over them knowing they were ok "You really should tell her how you feel O; she won't judge you for any of it if anything she'll help you…."

"She thinks you can help me more"

"That's because we went through the same thing but at the same time we went through something completely different, I can't tell you how to feel or act O because Mitch hurt you a million times more than he hurt me with you it was mental and physical but more than anything the mental side of things is what your gonna struggle with, bruises and cuts fade with time but memories don't they stay there in your mind and jump out on you when you least expect them too, and we both know there's only one person in this apartment that know what mental trauma does to you and how it can ruin your life…" Seeing the look of deep thought on Octavia's face she added "Just talk to her tell her your scared tell her that you don't know how to handle it, she'll be there for you we both know it and maybe she can even help you or if not then maybe she can help you get help..."

"She already does..." Clarke looked at her slightly confused "When she holds me it's like we're in our own little world our own bubble where nothing can hurt us or even come near us but then when she lets go it feels like my whole world has been pulled from underneath me..."

"Tell her that O"

"Your right" Octavia replied suddenly feeling a rush of happiness inside her like she could see a solution to her problem, maybe it wasn't a bad thing to lean on Sasha after all she had told she was there for her no matter what and she knew how Octavia was feeling in a way, standing up she looked at Clarke sheepishly saying "I'm sorry about what I said, I don't blame you for any of this I know you love Lexa and breaking up with Mitch was the right thing to do especially if you and her have a chance of being together again"

"Don't worry about it O I know you didn't mean it"

"Thanks" She released smiling at Clarke before she looked at her asking "So what is going on with you and Lexa then?"

"Nothing" Clarke honestly responded

"Seriously?" When Clarke nodded her head she looked at her "Ok Best friend time" She replied climbing onto Lexa's bed she crawled to the space next to Clarke at the top of the bed spreading herself out she rested her head against the headboard looking at Clarke who followed her lead and did the same thing shuffling herself inwards a little more "So tell me what's going on?"

"There's nothing going on, we agreed to maybe try again once I was single and then Mitch did what he did and Lexa felt bad that I still wanted her without knowing about my dad so she told all about it then said that she wanted to wait until I was ready and all healed up"

"Sounds like the woods protective gene kicked in" Octavia responded making Clarke nod her head in agreement, she liked this sitting with Clarke talking about things they normally would it made her feel like her again "But I still don't understand how you decided to try again out of nowhere I mean you were barely speaking"

"After you and Sash left to go see Costia, I cleaned up Lexa's cuts and we had a heart to heart and we kind of kissed"

"WHAT? No way"

"Yes way..." Clarke responded unable to hide the smile on her face as she thought about the kiss her and Lexa had shared only a day or so ago

"So what happened afterwards?"

"She pulled back so I ran off and she chased after me half naked down the stairs and told me she only pulled away because of her lip so we went back inside and talked it felt really good not worrying about saying the wrong thing to someone, it felt right and then she said it was either her or Mitch so I decided I wanted her…"

"Like you ever stopped"

"We both know it's not that easy to move on from someone you love that deeply so Yeah your right I never stopped wanting her…"

"I didn't mean it in a nasty way Clarke, I know you can't turn off that kind of attraction and love that we both get from Sasha and Lexa...it's not a bad thing in anyway" Octavia replied smiling at Clarke as she softly nudged her

"Well it doesn't matter now"

"Why doesn't it?"

"Lexa doesn't want to be with me now she thinks we should wait until I'm ready"

"That doesn't sound like Lexa"

"That's what my mom said"

"Maybe she's trying to protect you from something she isn't sure you're ready for, that's more like the Lexa I know"

"I think she's scared I'll rush into something with her and regret it, I think that's why she told me about everything my dad did to her"

"Then that means you have two options Clarke, Option one: you wait until it feels right for you and Lexa or Option Two: You follow your heart"

"I can't force Lexa into a relationship O"

"I'm not saying force her in any way I'm saying if you're ready now then make her see that you're ready" Octavia looked at Clarke seeing the conflict on her face she continued "If I know anything about Lexa it's that she protects the people she loves even at the cost of her own happiness sometimes, so if you really want this your gonna have to make her see your ready to be with her again"

"How am I meant to do that?"

"That's up to you Clarke, but you and Lexa are meant to be together…." Octavia paused as she smiled thinking to herself before saying "just like me and Sasha" Octavia smiled gently tapping Clarke on the leg with her foot, smirking at Clarke who smiled softly at her letting out a small giggle

Clarke's face began serious as she looked at Octavia and said "Is that why you haven't told her about you and Raven?"

Octavia looked at Clarke her face dropping the smile that had been on her face she hadn't told Clarke anything that had happened between her and Raven. "Who told you about that?"

"Nobody told me O" Clarke explained seeing the confused look on Octavia's face she continued "I was at that party as well, I felt a little tipsy at one point so I went to use the bathroom…I saw you and Raven kissing I thought you'd come to your senses so I walked outside to get some fresh air and the next thing I knew were back dancing…I only realised that you went all the way with Raven because I overheard you and her arguing when she picked up Sasha's things from ours"

"You can't tell her Clarke, I can't lose her and if she finds out she'll never forgive me"

"I'm not telling her anything O…. It's not my secret to tell"

"I want to tell her but I don't want to lose her not again I don't think I could handle that on top of everything else" Octavia honestly explained turning herself slightly to look at Clarke "I know it makes me a terrible person not telling her but Raven's her best friend if she found out it'd break her heart and I'd never stand a chance at winning her back and I need her right now it's selfish I know but I'm protecting myself as well as her"

"O…you don't need to explain yourself like I said it's not my secret to tell…but when it comes out and believe me it will come out sooner or later you can't mention that I knew especially to Lexa because she'd be royally pissed off at me"

"If I have it my way nobody is going to find out EVER"

"As long as you're sure you can live with that O"

"I hate and I mean hate lying to Sasha but this secret is one that needs to stay a secret if she found out its ruin her and us and I waited too long to get her back to let my own stupid mistake ruin us"

"Then I won't say a word"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome"

Both women sat in silence not really sure what to say they had got everything they both wanted to off their chests and now there was silence, as they sat there Clarke smiled at the memory that flashed in her head of her and Octavia sitting on Lexa's bed talking to Sasha and Lexa via a video call with Costia and Atom sitting on their laps as the laptop rested on the space of the bed between them

"What's got you smiling?" Octavia asked intrigued by Clarke's sudden smiley expression

"I was just thinking of the video chats that we used to have in this room"

The response caused a smile to form on Octavia's face as well "There were a few of those…. you know I'm glad they didn't give this place up, it holds a lot of memories"

"I agree; I don't know how they got the owner to hold it for them for a year rent free"

"Nobody can refuse a solider" Octavia smiled out before continuing "I think he just wanted shot of it to be honest that's probably why he sold it to them for such a low price"

"Probably" Clarke agreed before laughing softly to herself as she looked around the room "Do you remember the first video chat we did with Costia Tristan and Atom?"

Octavia laughed out loud perhaps a little louder than she intended to as the memory flashed in front of her eyes…


Flashback-February 17th 2013

Octavia and Clarke were sat at the laptop Costia was sat on Octavia laps her head resting now against her chest as Tristan was sat in between Clarke and Octavia while Atom was sat on Clarke's lap leaning forward eager to see his big sister, both women had received a message from Sasha and Lexa telling them they were going to video call them both at 1pm American time this was the first time for both of them that they had done more than just text their girlfriends since they had deployed, they had both talked their respective girlfriends mothers and came to an agreement about seeing Atom Costia and Tristan once every few months for a couple days and this week was the first weekend they had all three of them and they had chosen Lexa and Sasha's apartment to look after them for numerous reasons the main one was all three younger woods' were used to the apartment, within minutes of getting comfy on the bed the laptop began to give out a ringing sound as a picture of a phone with signal bars coming from the top and bottom flashed on the screen, a second later two buttons appeared Accept and Decline reaching forward Octavia moved the curser to the Accept button clicking on it the screen flashed black for a second before Sasha and Lexa appeared on the screen their hair slicked back tight into a ponytail their skin visibly darker than usual but they smiles on their faces as bright as always, they didn't appear to have an injuries or to have lost any weight in fact if anything they looked healthier;

"Hey" Sasha and Lexa said in unison looking at the screen smiling brighter at the image in front of them

The sound of their voices caused their younger siblings to sit up the excitement in them clear as Costia was the first to speak "ALI" She shouted leaning forward trying to hug her sister through the screen, Octavia quickly and gently grabbed Costia stopping her from moving forward

"You can't hug through the screen Cos" She explained looking down at the little girl's sad face

"But I want to hug Ali"

"I know but you don't not for a little while"

"Hey Cos…" Sasha voice came from the screen, causing Costia's attention to instantly turn from Octavia to the screen "I know you miss our cuddles, I miss them too but right now we can't cuddle but if you feel sad or like you wanna cuddle me then you can cuddle someone else and it'll make you feel better"

"Wie kan ek koester?" (Who do I cuddle?) Costia asked her attention completely on the screen that

"You can cuddle anyone"

"Kan ek koester Tavi?" (Can I cuddle Tavi?)

"You have to ask Tavi…"

Costia nervously looked at Sasha biting her bottom lip softly she turned back to look up at Octavia before turning and looking at Sasha again softly asking "kan jy vra Ali?" (Can you ask Ali?)

"Babe, Cos wants to know if she can cuddle you?" Sasha asked smiling as she looked from Costia to Octavia

"Of course she can" Octavia happily responded as she finished her sentence Costia looked up her smiling brightly she turned herself on Octavia's lap wrapping her arms around Octavia's shoulders squeezing her tightly after a few seconds she released the hug turning around on Octavia's lap to face the screen again looking expectantly at her big sister

"Did you feel that Ali?"

"Yeah I did Cos; do you feel better?"

"Ja" (Yes)

"So how long do we have to talk to you both?" Octavia softly asked looking at both women on the screen as she wrapped her arms around Costia holding the little girl close to her

"About 30 maybe 40 minutes give or take a few minutes" Lexa replied her attention fully on Atom and Clarke

"So should we split it or what?" Clarke asked looking at all people in the room one by one

"We can do I suppose, ten minutes each then rest of the time as a group" Sasha responded looking to Lexa and shrugging softly "Flip a coin?" She asked before Lexa nodded and giggled softly at her before disappearing of screen for a few seconds reappearing she held to coin in the air flipping it in the air "Heads" Sasha called out before Lexa had a chance to call out her choice, the coin landed on the floor both Woods' women looking down at it "Damn it" Sasha let out making everyone laugh softly "Babe I'll talk to you in ten" She smiled sticking her tongue out at Costia and Tristan as she stood up from her seat disappearing off screen

"We'll leave you too it" Octavia softly said smirking at Clarke softly before she removed herself from the bed careful not to drop Costia, once she was stood up properly she held her hand out to Tristan who happily took it jumping off the bed and onto the ground, "Come on Atom, you can talk to Lexa later, let's let Clarke and Lexa have a little alone time"

"Ok" Atom sweetly said smiling at Clarke and then Lexa before jumping off the bed and happily skipping through Lexa's bedroom door and into the living room, Octavia followed him with the twins closing the door behind her allowing Clarke and Lexa a tiny bit more privacy

"So we're alone" Lexa cautiously said smiling brightly at Clarke

"Yes we are"

"How are you doing?" Lexa asked genuinely wanting to know the answer

"I'm not the one in the desert fighting for their life"

"I'm hardly fighting for my life Clarke"

"You are to me so just shut up" Clarke responded laughing softly

"Yes Ma'am"

"I love that your good at taking orders"

"Well I have to be seeing as someone ordered me to come back to them so we can make our own perfect life together a reality" Lexa said using the words from Clarke's letter that she had memorised over the last month seeing the deep red that was filling up Clarke's face she continued "And only a fool would disobey the order of a beautiful women"

"You've got a point" Clarke responded the embarrassment in her disappearing as Lexa's voice hit her ears "You look good"

"We have a lot of time in between patrols so me and Sasha tend to go for a run or work out in some form" Lexa explained looking into Clarke's eyes getting slightly lost in them she found herself unable to stop her words "God I really miss you"

"I miss you too"

"How's college going?"

"Good, classes are stressing me out so not having you around to distract me is a plus I suppose"

"You Clarke Griffin are a charmer" Lexa laughed softly as Clarke shrugged her shoulders at her "You're not letting yourself get too snowed under though are you?" She asked she knew what Clarke was like

"No more than usual"

"Clarke..."

"I know Lex ok but what can I do its Med school I'm snowed under with work all the time if I wasn't then it wouldn't be Med school"

"Just don't work yourself to hard Clarke, I don't want to come back to a girlfriend who is completely insane because she doesn't know how to take a break from studying..."

"I am taking breaks...what do you think today is?" Clarke smugly responded looking at Lexa smirking widely at her

"Alright smarty pants…just promise me you'll look after yourself"

"I promise babe"

"Good because there is no way I'm marrying a crazy woman"

"Marrying?"

"Yeah, all the stuff you said in your letter, I feel the same way Clarke you are my world without you I feel like I'm missing a part of me or something, I want exactly what you want Marriage our own place and one day our own family. When you smile at me I get this explosion of happiness inside me I don't think I've ever felt that with anyone in my entire life"

"And you call me a charmer Miss Woods"

"What can I say I learned from the best" Lexa responded winking at Clarke as she smiled at her

"Thank you"

"I was talking about Sasha"

"Very funny Alexandra"

"Ouch the full name treatment"

"That's what you get" Clarke responded before both she and Lexa jumped softly at the sound of an explosion that erupted through the laptop to Clarke's ears, even though Lexa tried to hide it she saw the look of fear that flashed across Lexa's face it was only there for a spilt second but she still saw it looking into Lexa's eyes the best she could through the laptop screen "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine"

"Lex, this is me you can tell me anything you know that"

"I know I'm just…."

"Scared?"

"No not scared…. I don't know what it is…unnerved I guess"

"what about?"

"I don't know something feels off Clarke, I can't explain it but it's like this feeling in the pit of my stomach like something bad is coming I can't shake it"

"And you've never felt that before?"

"Only once when I was younger yeah"

"And we're you right when you felt it before?"

"Yeah"

"Lexa I want you to promise me something"

"What is it?"

"Promise me you won't get hurt…Promise me that if you feel that feeling rising in your stomach you'll make sure your extra careful for me"

"Clarke I can't promise that"

"If you promise me something you could never break it right?"

"Of course not that's why I wouldn't promise you something like that Clarke" Lexa explained looking down at the keyboard of the laptop

"Lexa look at me" Lexa complied with Clarke's request and looked back to the screen looking at Clarke "Promise me that if that feeling gets worse if it gets stronger that you'll be extra careful and you'll talk to Sasha and tell her how your feeling because I need you Lexa and I need you to come back to me" Clarke finished her voice cracking slightly as she thought about losing Lexa

"I promise Clarke" Lexa reluctantly spoke the words looking into Clarke's eyes through the screen hearing the emotion in Clarke's voice she knew that she needed to make the promise even if deep down she knew she might not be able to keep it because she knew that Clarke needed something to hold onto for the remaining eleven months of her tour. As she continued to look at Clarke she hoped that she wouldn't be put in a position that would call for her to break her promise but even more she hoped that the feeling she had in the pit of her stomach was nothing more than just a feeling…


Sasha and Lexa's Living Room

Sasha was sat on the couch while Lexa and Costia were the kitchen making more Hot chocolate for the four of them after Costia had excitedly asked Lexa to teach her how to make Hot Chocolate like she did and after ten minutes Lexa had given in to the little girl she called Sunshine. After Sasha and Lexa had spoken to Abby for a few minutes about Clarke and Octavia and anything they could do to help either of them with their injuries Raven had opted to sit next to her best friend on the couch they'd been sat there for a few minutes Raven gently nudged Sasha in the side causing her best friend to turn her head to look at her expectantly;

"So um are you ok?"

"I'm fine Rae"

"Really because I thought you were going to destroy Kane"

"You mean you thought I was gonna have a flashback"

"Perhaps…" Seeing the look of annoyance on Sasha's face she added "I didn't mean it like that Sash, I just I don't know what it's like for you…you never really talk to me about it with me"

"It doesn't work the way you think it does Rae"

"Then tell me what it's like…" When Sasha looked at her unsure she added "We're best friends but I don't know anything about the hardest thing you've ever been through…I wanna be able to help you Sash…I'm not gonna judge you I just want to know more about it"

"It's not completely to do with anger, it's more to do with my brain matching something someone says or something that happens around me to a traumatic event" When Raven looked at her slightly confused by her explanation she leant forward leaning her elbows on her knees she closed her eyes thinking of the right words "When I got shot I had this feeling inside me that I was going to die, I kept seeing this flash of white in front of my eyes it covered my sight completely but I could hear everything around me every noise every word spoken by everyone there hell every smell. There was nothing I could do to stop it all I wanted to do was to wake up and tell everyone I was fine but I couldn't because I was the furthest from fine I would be, I thought that for sure I was going to die Rae…. the flashbacks started after an explosion during a patrol on my first tour back it made me feel that same fear that I was going to die, everytime its triggered by something that relates or matches up to when I was shot to that feeling of fear I got and it triggers a flashback…."

"So stress has nothing to do with it?" Raven asked looking at her best friend genuinely wanting to know the answer

"It doesn't help but it isn't the main cause…. I get these warning signs I suppose you could call them it's like my mind becomes cloudy my thoughts become jumbled up and I can't think properly if I'm more stressed it can make it harder to stop myself from having a flashback"

"So you can stop them?"

"Sometimes it depends on what the flashback is about sometimes I can't stop them but most times I manage to lock myself away or warn Lexa and she gets me out of the way to make sure I don't hurt myself or anyone else, sometimes she can even pull me out of them"

"You can be pulled out of them?"

"Yeah sometimes, it depends on what the flashback is and how deep I'm into them"

"How does she do it?"

"I don't know mainly she just makes me look into her eyes and talks to me, she talks about our childhood mostly stupid things but they make me feel happy inside and it seems to bring me back" She honestly replied looking back at Raven smiling at her best friend "Why do you wanna know all this?"

"Because your my best friend…my bestie….my first love…my sugar foot" Raven said the last nickname making both her and Sasha laugh at the old nickname Raven used for her "I just want to be able to look after you if it ever happens and we're alone…your my best friend but more than that we're family and I wanna understand what you're going through because I love you"

"I love you too Rae" Sasha honestly replied looking at Raven she felt a sudden urge of guilt rush over her as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket reminding her who she had been talking to an hour or so before "Rae I need to talk to you about something…"

"You mean something other than what we're already talking about…" Raven responded laughing softly as she looked at the sudden change in Sasha's body language

"It's about Anya…"


So not much of a cliff-hanger but had to put that in there somewhere and the next bunch of stuff I have to write is too long to but in this chapter so why not end the chapter on a 'Rasha' moment lol….Please feel free to leave a review or inbox me if you prefer either are greatly appreciated Anyway I'll leave you all to it hope you enjoyed and until the next Chapter Peeps and Peepettes….Stay Safe and Keep Fanficing

Authors Note: There maybe some edits made to this chapter in the future but if there are they will be mentioned in a future chapter to make everyone aware