Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Conspiracy Deepens
(First Day, 12:05 PM, 65 hours, 5 minutes remain)
Lee quietly pulled herself ashore at the far edge of the docks, far away from the prying eyes of the Gerudo pirates that made their home in this region. Taking a moment to let the water drain out of her soaked clothing, Lee tiptoed over and ducked behind a set of barrels, watching as the pirate leader disembarked with an entourage of her guards, holding a bottle in her hand. Inside the bottle was a shining pearl floating in water.
That must be the egg that fishman was talking about, Lee wordlessly mused to herself. Better follow her and find out where she's gonna take it.
Once the pirate leader had left, all that remained was a single guard, for who would be so bold as to enter their domain, if they were even able to find a way in? Lee smirked as the guard turned her back towards her. Surprise, bitch.
She snuck up on the unsuspecting Gerudo guard and boldly tapped her shoulder. The guard whipped around just in time to see a fist crash right into her face. The guard dropped like a sack of potatoes, out cold. Lowering her slightly smoking fist, Lee chuckled, "Undressin' another girl. Now I really have tried everything!"
A few minutes later, now dressed in the attire of a Gerudo pirate, Lee emerged from where she had stuffed the guard's unconscious body in an empty barrel, looking herself over. Though she had loathed the idea of ruining her well-coiffed curls, she had straightened out her hair and done it up in a ponytail like how the other pirates did it. She could feel eyes on her, and she grinned coyly as she turned around and waved at Eddy, making sure to show off as much of her bare skin as possible. She then blew him a kiss before she went on deeper into the fortress.
"Dammit, my nose is bleeding!" Eddy hissed in dismay as he dipped his head lower into the water.
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Lee discreetly followed after the pirate leader and her entourage into the main area of the fortress, where countless other Gerudo were milling about, either on guard duty or idling about. Lee straightened her posture, reminding herself to act natural, and entered the throng of pirates. At first glance, nothing seemed off about Lee, so the various pirates paid her absolutely no mind as she weaved her way through the crowd, never taking her eyes off the pirate leader as she headed towards an adobe fort built into the rock wall surrounding the cove.
Eventually she left the other pirates behind, looking around to make sure nobody was looking her way before she entered the pirates' fort. Once inside, she meandered her way through rooms full of various weapons and artillery, as well as some treasure chests filled with their ill-gotten loot. Lee smirked as she lifted the lid of one such chest and saw the countless gold coins within. "Nobody'll miss these," she chuckled to herself as she took a handful of coins and stuffed them in the pockets of her pants, which were currently hidden by her Gerudo leggings, before closing the lid again and returning to her mission. "Dreamboat ain't the only one who's gonna make some moola off this trip."
Soon enough she found herself in another room, but unfortunately it led to a dead end.
"Shit, made a wrong turn," Lee growled to herself.
But as she turned around to head back, something caught her attention. She could hear voices coming from a small, barred window near the back. Deciding to take a look, Lee walked over and leaned forward, and down below was another, much larger room. Various treasures and pirate flags were all over the place, and in the middle of the room, on a golden throne more fit for a king than a pirate, was the leader she had been following. All around her were various other pirates, ogling the egg inside the bottle their leader held.
"Aveil, what good is that egg for?" one of the pirates asked. "Why do we need it so badly?"
Inspecting the egg closely as she lounged in her seat, Aveil replied, "This egg is the only clue we have about that strange cloud swirling over the old temple. If what that strange, masked one says is true, there's a treasure to be found there that'll set us all up for life!"
Strange masked one? Lee thought as she overheard the conversation. Is she talking about that Skull Kid brat?
"But Aveil!" another pirate protested, not quite convinced. "What about the sea snakes that have been seen near Pinnacle Rock? Rumor has it they're big enough to topple ships! And that masked one…I-I don't trust him…"
"It was just some kid in a mask!" Aveil snapped, straightening in her seat. "Just a kid giving us a clue to a treasure the value of which he probably can't even comprehend!"
"I don't know, something was really off about him," another pirate commented nervously. "Especially that mask of his…"
"Don't tell me you guys are planning to chicken out of this!" Aveil complained. "It's the best chance we have of bouncing back from whatever the hell is making all the fish disappear!"
The other pirates still seemed uncertain, but nodded along in consent with their leader's wishes. As she watched the scene take place, Lee thought, There's way too many of 'em for me to handle. And I don't think I can just waltz in there and ask for the egg. What now?
Her eyes darted around for anything that might be helpful. As she was doing this, she suddenly heard an ominous buzzing from behind. She turned in time to see something black and yellow whiz by her vision, making her flinch.
Jesus! Was that one of those giant wasps?!
Indeed it was, and she watched as it flew over to a nest that hung from the ceiling directly over the unsuspecting Aveil's head. Lee grinned evilly as an idea popped into her head. Fishing a gold coin out of her pocket, she threw it at the wasp nest, knocking it off, where it dropped to the ground below.
No one spoke for several terror-filled seconds as a horde of pissed-off giant wasps emerged from the fallen nest.
And then Aveil broke the silence as one wasp went right for her face.
"EEEEEEEEEK! BEES!"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" one of the other pirates cried as panic overcame them.
With the murderous wasps on their tails, the Gerudo pirates ran around screaming and waving their arms, and Lee had to stifle her laughter. Finally she saw the bottle with the egg fly out of Aveil's hands as she tried to bat away one of the monster wasps. Fortune favored it, for it landed comfortably on the seat of Aveil's throne. Finally the pirates all ran for the door, with the angry wasps following behind, leaving the room totally abandoned.
Lee then noticed that the bars on the window were on a latch and grinned as she pushed the window open.
"Damn, I can't believe that actually worked!" she laughed as she hopped down into the room below.
Taking a moment to let the shock of the fall fade from her legs, Lee walked up to the throne and picked up the bottle, inspecting the Zora egg inside.
Huh, too bad this is actually an egg, she thought idly. A pearl this big would pay our bills for a whole year!
"Oh…thank goodness! They're gone!"
Uh oh.
Lee turned around to see that Aveil, covered in multiple welts as red as an apple, had reentered the room and was now looking at her.
"Ah, thanks for keeping that safe," she said, not yet realizing the situation as she held out her hand. "Now hand it over, sailor."
Lee thought for a moment before she casually replied, "Nah."
Aveil blinked in surprise. "Wha…?"
In her shock and suspicion, she finally began to notice something off about Lee. "Wait…your skin tone…like the fishermen…" She drew two curved sabers with an ominous 'shing'. "YOU'RE A SPY!"
Lee drew her own sword with her free hand, still clutching the egg. "Guilty as charged!"
"Give me the egg, thief!" Aveil yelled as she charged.
"You're one to talk, ya hypocrite skank!" Lee yelled back as their blades clashed.
Aveil shunted all her strength into her sword, but to her surprise, Lee was holding strong. "You…you're strong for a kid!" Aveil marveled.
"Thanks!" Lee crowed before she caught Aveil by surprise as she headbutted her.
Aveil stumbled back, her vision whirling. Lee, having done that multiple times in fights she had previously had over the years, recovered faster and aimed a kick right in Aveil's bare gut, knocking the wind out of her. This, however, brought Aveil back to her senses, and she rolled back from the blow and rose to her feet, glaring.
"You caught me by surprise there," she remarked darkly. "But don't expect it to happen again!"
"Bitch, I'm a Kanker! And Kankers are full of surprises!"
"Ha! We'll see about that!"
Aveil assumed a fighting stance, one saber in front of her and another over her head as she circled Lee like a hungry shark. But Lee wasn't intimidated. She smirked as she said, "You know, I got jumped one night in an alleyway. Big guy with a machete, told me to hand over my wallet or he'd rape my ass. You know what I did?"
Aveil scoffed, wary of the distraction. "Hmph, cry like a baby?"
"Nope, somethin' like THIS!"
And then to Aveil's surprise, Lee threw the bottle right at her face. There was no avoiding it; it slammed into Aveil's forehead, knocking her flat on her back as it rolled off her chest. Groaning, Aveil tried to stand up, but immediately Lee was standing over her, grinning with her yellowed teeth. "Light's out, Anne Bonny."
The last thing Aveil saw before she blacked out was Lee's fist coming right at her.
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Aveil slowly came to, her head pounding and her vision blurry. She tried to rub her head, but found that she couldn't. Jolting fully awake, she realized that she was tied up in ropes, and then the memories of her fight with the spy returned to her. "Wha-?!"
"About time ya woke up, Sleepin' Beauty," a familiar low voice crowed off to the side.
Aveil turned her head to see Lee Kanker lounging in her throne, still holding the egg. "You little…!" Aveil growled, struggling against her bonds with no success.
"Bitch? Skank? Whore? Slut? Trailer trash?" Lee interrupted with a raised eyebrow. "Trust me, heard it all before, and it's never bothered me none. And by the way, we ain't gonna be interrupted for at least another twenty minutes. Those friends of yours outside think you and I are havin' a private meeting, which ain't that far from the truth."
Aveil glared daggers at Lee as the younger girl inspected the Zora egg. "Did the Zoras send you?"
"In a manner of speakin'," Lee answered with a shrug. "That Zora dude you shanked? He asked us to get the egg back before he croaked, and me bein' the good Samaritan I am, I obliged. You do realize this thing is dyin', right?"
Aveil furrowed her brow. "Dying?"
"Yeah, dyin', ya dumb broad. You think keepin' it in this little jar's good for its health? Probably needs fresh, runnin' water. Besides, I don't think this little thing's gonna tell ya shit about what's goin' on up here in the ocean, but you're in luck, because I do know what's happenin'."
"And how would you know what we don't?" Aveil ground out as she struggled more.
"Uh, maybe because you bimbos never leave the beach?" Lee retorted sarcastically. "I've been all around this place, genius, and I seen a lotta shit happenin' all over. That 'strange masked one' you're talkin' about? He's a little brat called Skull Kid, and that mask of his is Bad News with a capital 'B'. The fish disappearin'? That's him. The zombie fish? Him too. The weird-ass cloud over that giant fish you call a temple? Also him. Oh, and guess what? That giant freakin' moon? Him again. And I'm willin' to bet this egg actually doesn't do anything except hatch when it's ready like a normal egg, and that Skull Kid told you all that bullshit just so you and the Zoras would start fighting."
Aveil was floored, so shocked that she had actually stopped struggling. "H-how do you know this?"
"Trade secret, bub," Lee chortled. "But I'll tell ya this; every damn thing going wrong in this world, from the swamp filling with poison water, to the endless winter in the mountains, to the unexplainable doldrums over here, all of it is that piece of shit's fault. And he's doing all of it just to be a dick."
"So you're saying this 'Skull Kid' lied to me about the treasure in the temple?" Aveil asked, suspicion heavy in her tone.
"Probably," Lee replied simply.
"So tell me this; why should I believe you instead?"
"Because you ain't gonna get much out of an egg, much less a dead one. Take it or leave it, because unless you help us, you, me, and everyone on this earth will all be dead in three days."
Aveil scoffed as she said, "You're acting like the moon actually is falling."
"That's because it is, dipshit!" Lee almost yelled before she recollected herself. "Skull Kid himself is pullin' it down, and it'll hit the surface of this freaky planet at precisely six a.m. three days from now, and wipe out everything."
Aveil's eyes narrowed. "How are you so sure of this?"
"Again, trade secret," Lee offhandedly responded. "But let's just say a friend of mine knows how to make time his bitch."
Aveil blinked several times in confusion at Lee's odd and rather colorful choice of words. "And after infiltrating our fortress, humiliating me in front of my own soldiers, trying to steal our egg, and tying me up and holding me hostage, why in the hell should I help you?!"
"Are you deaf or just dumb?" Lee snapped. "Have you not been paying attention to anything I've said? Skull Kid is trying to destroy this goddamn world, and we're trying to stop him! And the only way to do that is by freeing a bunch of giants, and one of them is imprisoned inside that temple, and whatever's holdin' him hostage is probably also the source of all the bad mojo that's givin' all of you hell. Capiche?"
Aveil said nothing, but suspicion was giving way to horrified realization. "I…I just started a war for no reason…"
"You wanna make up for it? Then help us get this egg back to the Zoras, and then get us to that old temple so we can kill the monster Skull Kid set up to keep all this crazy shit going!"
Aveil contemplated this information for several moments before she finally sighed and said, "Fine. We'll give you a boat to go see the Zoras, and we'll have our ship ready to sail when you return. Now can you please untie me?"
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Link and the rest of his companions quietly waited underneath the shadow of the large ship. Eddy was still fidgeting nervously, and the others were starting to worry themselves.
Oh dear, it's been quite a while since Lee left, Edd thought. I hope nothing terrible has happened.
Suddenly their attention was caught by a shrill whistle off towards the docks. "Get over here, guys! I got us our ride!"
"Lee?" Link spoke up in surprise as they all emerged from their hiding place to see Lee moving towards them, operating a Gerudo boat powered by a magic-fueled generator. "How did you get that?!"
Lee shrugged offhandedly. "I knocked some sense back into their heads. I also got this."
She held up something in a bottle, and they all gasped at what they saw.
"You got the egg back!" Marie cried.
"I knew you could do it!" May whooped, pumping a fist.
"And that ain't all," Lee continued, setting the egg down. "I got those chumps to help us too. Turns out they stole the egg because that Skull Kid fella told 'em it would give 'em a clue about what's been goin' on around here."
Link, Edd, and Marie all furrowed their brows. "So Skull Kid has been here too," Edd surmised darkly.
"Yep. But I told 'em everything they needed to know, so now we can use this boat to reach the Zoras. After we come back, they'll take us onto their ship and we'll head out for the temple. It's pretty easy to get people to help ya when you remind 'em about the end of the world, huh?"
"Omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod," May chanted in elation, her glittering eyes wide as dinner plates. "We're gonna get to go on a pirate ship! A real pirate ship! That's so awesome! Isn't that awesome, Big Ed?!"
"HIGH-SEAS ADVENTURE!" Ed proclaimed as loudly as he possibly could, now that there was no more need for secrecy.
"I gotta admit I've always wanted to go on a real pirate ship," Marie spoke up with a grin. "And here we get the best of both worlds; a pirate ship with actual pirates, and all of 'em are kickass girls just like us!"
Lee straightened in her seat and patted the wood expectantly. "C'mon, guys, we're burnin' daylight! Let's go find those Zora guys and give this damn egg back already!"
There was a moment of pause where no one said anything before Eddy finally asked, "So, uh…anyone know where they are?"
Lee grinned. "You're in luck, 'cause they told me where. Now get in!"
All but Link and Tatl climbed into Lee's boat, glad to be out of the water, while Link remained in the water as a Zora. As they did so, the gate behind them began to slowly and loudly creak open to allow them passage. Revving the motor, Lee set a course for their destination, with Link swimming behind.
Lee was tending to the motor, steering their boat on, when she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Eddy was staring at her, his eyes drinking in every feature. Smirking, she said without looking at him, "Startin' to finally see the big picture, huh?"
Instead of averting his gaze or denying that he had been staring at all, Eddy slowly stammered, "Y-you, uh…you look…b-better with y-your hair like t-that."
Lee's eyes widened in surprise as she looked up at Eddy. "Wha…you really think so?"
"I-I can see your eyes now…t-they look…n-n-n-nice…" Eddy stuttered, blushing heavily as he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.
Marie chose this moment to laugh triumphantly. "See?! I told ya you'd get 'im if you ditched that look!"
"Can it, Marie!" Lee snapped, blushing as well.
"Why don't ya make me, Juliet?" Marie chortled. "Lee and Eddy, sittin' in a—WAH!"
She hadn't had a chance to finish her ribbing before Lee leaned over and roughly shoved her younger sister over the edge of the boat back into the water with a resounding splash, causing the boat to shake. Even so, Marie was still laughing as she rose to the surface and grabbed onto the edge of the boat. "You bitch!" she gasped between laughs as she dragged herself back onto the boat.
"Why don't ya behave 'n fool around with your man instead?" Lee snapped. "Let me deal with mine how I please!"
Eddy's blush deepened at this as Marie cozied up next to a similarly-blushing Edd, their bare skin touching and sending shoots of pleasure up their spines. "Sounds like a plan, sistah!"
"I gotta say, watching you guys is equal parts cute, funny, and occasionally disturbing," Tatl commented off to the side.
"We aim to please!" Lee retorted with a grin.
"The last time I heard you say that, we were taped to the fence after being pelted with rotten fruit and you dragged us off to do your crazy thing like usual," Eddy grumbled with a shiver.
The Kankers all chuckled. "Good times, good times," May said dreamily.
Meanwhile, Ed laughed with abandon as he splashed his hand in the water. He was still chuckling as he lifted his hand out of the water, revealing a writhing fish skeleton gnawing on his fingers. "Huhuhuh, that tickles," he commented airily.
"ED!" Edd screeched, putting his hands on his head. "Get that thing off before you lose that hand!"
"Sure thing, Double D!" Ed replied as he fished his free hand into his jacket, pulling out the block of moldy cheese he liked to carry around with him.
"Ugh, that's revolting!" Lee cried as she plugged her nose, followed by the others with similar complaints.
Apparently the bonefish was in agreement, for when Ed put the cheese close to its nose, the glowing lights in its eye sockets rolled into the back of its head as it let go and fell limply back into the water, sinking below the surface.
"Never in my wildest fever-induced dreams would I have imagined that hideous thing actually coming in handy," Edd dryly commented as Ed put away the rotten cheese.
"What do you see in him, May?" Marie asked.
"You're talkin' to the girl who ran a two-day-old hot dog through the dryer with our clothes thinking it would come out clean," Lee remarked. "Totally gross and totally stupid. They're made for each other."
May beamed at this, humming some unknown tune to herself as the boat churned along down the coast.
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About time I got another one out. I think I'm having the most fun writing the ocean segment by far. Next time, our heroes meet the Zoras, and then head out for the Great Bay Temple with Aveil's pirates. But the rumors concerning the sea serpents of Pinnacle Rock may not be unfounded after all…
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