Cooper cursed as the steam from the mug of the hot coffee he had just prepared, burned his finger. Trudging through the house, he walked over to the living room, noticing the trail of wet clothes strewn about the floor. His face turned several shades of crimson when he had to step over a bra and pair of panties. After all, it was Rachel who he was dealing with. For a split second, he was actually afraid of how he would find her but his fears were quickly alleviated. It was actually a sad sight to behold. Before him was not the gorgeous cheerleader with the expert make up, flashy clothes, sharp tongue and overconfident quick wit. Cooper almost didn't recognize her. She sat on the floor in front of the fireplace wearing one of his tee shirts that seemed to swallow her tiny frame. Barefoot and knees hugged to her chest, she rocked back and forth with a blank look on her face and a profound sadness in her eyes. Damp hair clung to her and without all the expertly applied color to her face, she looked like a scared little girl.
"Here", he offered the cup that her shaking hands gratefully accepted.
"Thanks", she almost whispered.
Cooper nodded, unsure of what to say or do next. He took a seat on a chair nearby.
"You okay?" he finally asked after a few uncomfortable moments of silence.
"Yeah", she answered, not looking at him.
An unusually loud clap of thunder rolled causing them both to jump.
"It's nasty out there", Cooper strained to get another look at the sky through the curtains. "I've never seen anything like it."
"Yeah…"
"You know, you still didn't tell me what happened out there. I don't see your car anywhere. What happened, Rachel?"
She took a sip of coffee and tried to get warm again.
"I guess I got caught in the middle of the storm. It was pretty awful. The wind was blowing my truck really bad and my windshield wiper broke. I, I had to pull over and that's when I saw the street sign. My phone didn't have any service but I knew I was around Nathan's neighborhood so I just went for it, praying he and Haley or his parents or someone would be home."
"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are…"
Rachel shook her head.
"No. I'm fine, just a little wet and cold."
"We can um, get those wet clothes of yours in the dryer. In the meantime, just stay next to that fire, keep warm and all."
"Okay", she said softly.
"The sky has been looking terrible for hours now and they've been giving warnings about taking cover since early this morning. Why were you even out in the first place, Rachel?"
She shrugged.
"I don't know. I guess I thought it wasn't a big deal. I thought they were just overreacting or being dramatic or whatever. I was bored and there were these new jeans I wanted at the mall so I went. When I got there, it didn't look too bad but by the time I came back out, it was horrible."
"Rachel…"
"I know. You think I'm just a dumb, shallow teenager, right?"
He sighed.
"I wasn't gonna say that."
"It's alright. Look, I know you really don't want me here and you must think I'm really stupid. So I'll just do us both a favor and get out of your hair."
"Rachel!"
It was too late. She had already stood to leave, bending forward to grab her soaked clothing.
"Can I just use the phone for a minute, please? I left mine back in my car."
"You don't have to do that. Look, it's only getting worse outside and how many streets away did you park? It really isn't safe or wise to be out in weather like this. Why don't you just sit here and try to ride out the storm?"
"I'm fine", she insisted, picking up the receiver.
Before Cooper could protest again, the thunder rolled once more, followed by three quick strips of lightening that seemed to come right through the house. Rachel screamed and Cooper jumped as the lights inside flickered several times before going out completely.
"Shit", Cooper muttered.
Rachel took a deep breath as she hung up the phone.
"The line is dead."
"Great", he said as he stared at the fire still blazing.
A reluctant Rachel reclaimed her seat on the floor.
"What do we do now?"
"Take this", Cooper tossed her a throw that had been placed on back of one of the couches. "It'll help you keep warm."
"You want to come over here? Eventually, you're gonna get cold, too if the power doesn't come back on soon."
"I'm good", Cooper shook his head.
Rachel rolled her eyes.
"I'm not gonna do anything. You can at least sit over here by the fire. I don't bite, Cooper."
Carefully thinking it over, he did scoot onto the floor closer to the fireplace, cautious not to get to close to Rachel and her blanket.
"Hopefully it won't be too much longer", he surmised.
"I was expecting Nathan and Haley to be here, I mean they're always together and mostly they hang out here and stuff", Rachel rocked back and forth.
"Nate was here earlier but Haley was home alone so he went to keep her company. Dan and Deb are both at work, I guess."
"Must be nice. I'm sure they'll find plenty to do in the storm. Sounds kind of romantic. No phones, no electricity, no distractions…"
"Does it always have to be about that?" Cooper asked. "Sex, I mean?"
Rachel looked right at him.
"That's not what I'm getting at. No, it doesn't always have to be about sex. Haley is a die hard virgin anyway, I doubt Nathan's getting a piece of that anytime soon."
"That's good. The longer they wait, the more special it will be when they finally do it. For now they don't have to focus on the physical stuff. Believe it or not, there are more important aspects to a relationship and God, I can't believe I'm actually saying that. I'm getting old."
She half smiled.
"I know what you mean. Don't get me wrong. I like sex. I really, really, really do. I love it in fact. But there is more, so much more than just the feeling. I mean, the gratification part, well, that's almost selfish. So many times it's just about bumping and grinding and getting off and yeah that's cool but it's so much more. There is nothing more special or more beautiful than to make love with someone you're really in love with. It took a while for me to learn that one but I did."
"You mean with Mouth?"
"Yeah…with Mouth. He was the first guy that was interested in me, really interested. Sure guys want to date me because I'm pretty or because I'm popular or because I'm a cheerleader or because I put out. But Mouth wasn't like that. He was interested in me as a person. My thoughts, my opinions, my feelings. That's what mattered to him. He liked me because I was smart and funny. And he saw through me, right through my exterior. He loves me and I'd never had that before."
The conversation, that side of her was rather intriguing.
"What do you mean?"
"When people look from the outside in and they see our crew at Tree Hill High and they see Mouth smack dab in the middle with me, it looks, well, it kind of looks odd. It's like he doesn't belong. Well, not so long ago, right before our family moved here, I was Mouth."
"I don't get it, Rachel."
"You see how tall I am? Well, imagine carrying 250 pounds plus on this frame."
"What?" he laughed. "Get out of here."
"I'm serious, Cooper. I was fat. I was unhealthy, I was out of shape, I was ugly. I was a walking social catastrophe. I was a huge nerd with my head always stuck in a book. I had no friends and people used to make fun of me constantly for any and everything you could ever dream of."
He could see the sorrow in her eyes as she recounted that obviously painful part of her past for him.
"I'm sorry, Rachel. That sucks. I guess it must have been real hard for you."
"It was. What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Back in high school. I mean, look at you now, you're totally hot. But what about then? Were you ugly? Did you have a mouth full of metal? Were you fat? Unpopular? Were the girls repulsed by you? Did the guys make fun of you?"
Cooper gave a sheepish grin as he tucked his head.
"No. I, uh, didn't have braces or glasses. I've always been athletic and in shape. I dated a different girl every month and I was voted best looking and most popular…all four years."
"Figures. Then you have no idea what I'm talking about or where I'm coming from. You always lived the high school life that I'm living now. But at one time, I was the outsider, the underdog."
"Nothing wrong with that. In fact, I always root for the underdog."
"You don't understand. I couldn't live my life like that. People hating me, my parents being ashamed of me, me not even having enough self esteem to look people in the eye when I talked to them."
"So what did you do about it?"
"We found the best plastic surgeon that money can buy and I went under the knife for an extreme makeover."
"What did they fix?"
Rachel smirked.
"What didn't they fix? They fixed everything. New nose, new chin, new boobs, new teeth, new ass and they sucked about ten tons of fat off of me. Let's just say, I've come a long way, baby."
"You spent all that cash on a new body and yeah, some doc can transform your body into new and improved but what about you? What about the real you on the inside? How'd you get a new personality?"
She shrugged.
"Confidence came with the new body, sort of like a two for one special. All my life I had been unattractive. Because of that, I felt really bad about myself. But when I left that plastic surgeon's office and weeks later when those bandages came off, the first time I looked in the mirror, you know what I did?"
"What's that? Jumped for joy?"
Rachel shook her head again.
"Hell no. I threw up. I threw up, then I cried."
"Why?"
"Because I was staring in a mirror and for the first time in my life I didn't recognize the person looking back. That was the greatest feeling ever. It was a new me, it was a hot me. I look liked those girls I used to see on the covers of Playboy and Maxim. Hell, I looked better than those bitches. And it was like I became a new person from that moment on. I knew I was the shit so I started acting like it."
"But do you think you were a better person back then, before the surgery?"
"Probably. I'm sure I was a lot nicer."
"And you're glad you traded that? You'd rather be a bitch than a nice girl?"
Rachel laughed.
"Don't you judge me. All your life you've been the pretty boy, the rich boy. Are you willing to give up your money and looks for principle alone?"
"Look…"
"I didn't think so."
"So it was worth it? You're only 17 now and you said this happened a few years ago. Would you just suggest some expensive, dangerous, radical operation to every teen girl who feels self conscious about the way she looks?"
"Hey, to each his own. I never said I was a role model so don't try to turn me into one. If you see something you don't like and you want to fix it, go for it. That's my advice to anyone. Surgery worked for me but that doesn't mean it's for everyone. Sure there are risks and it cost a pretty penny but I don't have any horror stories or complaints. It's not an easy thing to go through and the recovery period hurt like hell but to answer your question, yes, it was totally worth it."
"As long as that was worth it to you. I guess you got to live the life you always dreamed."
"Sure. People went from ignoring me to lining up to be my friend. Then I got introduced to the wonderful world of boys and sex. I partied and got drunk. It was fun for a while, every now and then it still is."
"Let me guess…some good looking, popular guy was mean to you and Mouth stood up to him and saved the day and won your heart? Just like TV, right?"
Rachel's eyes turned cold.
"No, that's not how it happened. If you must know, I messed around with this jock at Pinkerton. Things started getting rough. He was into some really kinky shit, too freaky for me so I said no…but he wouldn't take no for an answer. The son of a bitch tried to rape me, Cooper!"
"Rachel…"
"Just leave me alone, alright? I don't want to talk about it."
She was obviously upset and with good reason. Cooper was left stunned.
"I, I had no idea, alright? Jesus, Rachel, I'm sorry."
Still looking away, she softened a little bit.
"It's okay. Whatever."
"No, it's not okay. Now I guess I see."
"What do you see, Cooper?"
"I don't know. I guess it's easy to look at someone and make assumptions. But everything happens for a reason. It's unfair to look at someone and say, 'oh they're a bitch or a slut or crazy'. Because even if they are those things, then they are those things for a reason. It's like every behavior is a reaction instead of an action. So because of all the bad things you went through in your past, that's why you might do some of the things you do today. Maybe that's why you're with Mouth."
"Mouth is a good guy. No, he's a great guy. He has the kindest, most compassionate, gentle soul I've ever met. And he's real. He'll do anything in the world for me. We're best friends. He's safe and he makes me feel safe. Mouth really loves me."
"But do you love him?"
"What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Just what I said", Cooper shrugged. "I'm not trying to be a dick about it. Mouth is an awesome kid. I've only been around the guy a few times and you can tell he's just a good person. All those nice things you just said about him are probably true. And I'm sure he is very in love with you. But you named off all his wonderful qualities and all the things he does for you. Then you said the key thing. You said he's safe and he makes you feel safe. In a world where you used to feel so alone and you had no one, not even your folks it sounds like. You may have gone through the surgery for yourself but you did it in a way to please other people, to look good to other people. More than doing it for yourself, it seems like a 'hey, take that, look at me now' sort of thing to all the people that dissed you before. All your life you were just looking to belong, to have people love you and accept you. There's nothing wrong with that. You just wanted to feel safe. Mouth gave you that. Rachel, he gives you that. So I'm asking is it love or is it a crutch?"
"Mouth loves me", she steadfastly defended in an irritated and offended tone.
"But do you love him?"
"Of course I love him."
"Are you in love with him?"
Tears stung Rachel's eyes.
"Why are you doing this? Huh? Why would you say those things? Why are you trying to hurt me?"
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you, Rachel or make you mad even. Don't get upset."
He tried to reach for her arm but she quickly jerked away as tears flooded from her eyes.
"Don't patronize me, Cooper! And I don't need you judging me or trying to psychoanalyze me either! You think I don't know that I'm fucked up? I have tons of problems and issues and insecurities! I feel like I'm in a constant battle every day with myself and that sucks and I know it! I don't need you or anybody else rubbing it in!"
Her tirade ended in a sob filled collapse on the floor. Cooper couldn't help but feel sorry for her. He attempted several times to console her in his arms but each time she managed to angrily break away. Finally, she grew weary…weary of crying, weary of fighting back.
"It's okay", he whispered. "You're okay. I'm sorry."
He held her there in front of the roaring fire for a long time and it seemed like eternity that she sat there whimpering in his warm embrace. His arms were strong as steel but the hold itself was comforting and reassuring. Rachel felt safe again, a feeling she didn't get from too many people. Burying her face into his neck, she inhaled the manly sweet scent of his cologne.
"Cooper…"
He trembled when he felt her long nails scrape against the material of his shirt. Seconds later, her soft lips grazed across his skin.
"Rachel, what are you doing?" he pulled away.
"Make me feel safe, Cooper", she begged in a little girl's voice.
Her eyes beseeched him for help as her hands seductively began to grope him.
"We can't do this", he whispered. "Rachel, it isn't right. Stop. You're just feeling vulnerable right now but this isn't what you really want. It won't make things better."
"I want to forget. I just want to be held and touched and kissed. Right now I don't want to worry about the future or the past or about love and relationships and what path I must take in life. I just want to feel…and I know you want that, too."
Cooper closed his eyes. He knew it was wrong. He knew they couldn't.
"Rachel, don't do this."
"Don't do what?" she asked, slowly peeling the tee shirt off to reveal her svelte and sexy young, naked body. "Come on, Coop. You know you want me."
And he did. As much as he hated to admit it, he did.
"I can't", he closed his eyes.
She gave him a sly smile as to not be deterred. Rachel crawled over to him like a wild cat about to pounce on its unsuspecting prey. And then she made her move, all over him with a barrage of kisses and touches. She pulled away long enough to look him dead in the eyes, all the while removing his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans.
"Yes, you can", she purred in his ear.
And as soon as he felt her wet, warm tongue snake in his mouth, he knew he could. Never mind the consequences surely to come. What mattered was only the moment, their moment. In the morning, it'd all be over.
