After Ten Years - Epilogue, Part 1
During the weeks that ensued, the Kurosakis didn't see as much of Kentaro as they would have liked. Kentaro, now a semi-permanent resident of the World of the Living, had a full-time job to support himself with.
The Kurosakis, given their three busy school-aged, Hollow-slaying children, and also Ichigo's job, could hardly ever get their limited free time to coincide with Kentaro's as well. So again, slowly but surely as the weeks dragged on and their studies, jobs, and duties consumed them, they thought less and less of him. The dying need to see him was now gone. Sadly enough, it felt like he didn't mean as much to them as they originally thought he did. It was true they were glad to see him, but it stopped there. He felt like more of a neighbor that they casually talked to over the back fence, and they welcomed him into their house just to be courteous. Even Homura herself felt that she was drawing away from him. She wasn't doing it consciously, it just happened.
Kentaro, however, was always just as happy to be with them as always was, many years ago. Oblivious to Homura's rapidly-vanishing feelings, he continued to display his affection. He was so consumed by his love for her, that he didn't notice when she shrank away, or when she purposely avoided his lips.
But, when she hadn't talked to him, or called, or even a simple 'Hey' via text message, for over a month, Kentaro started putting the puzzle pieces together. She didn't want to talk to him. But, knowing Homura, how she was, and what she promised him years before, he sought her out, determined to understand her. Regardless if she was keeping her promise, Kentaro was going to keep his.
His heart buzzed madly in his chest as his fingers fumbled for his cellphone. Dialing the numbers, he rehearsed what he was going to say to her. As the phone started ringing, Kentaro collapsed onto his flimsy bed. He had never been good at anything like this, speaking his mind or anything. Maybe he should just hang up. Hanging up and pleading ignorance seemed like a decent option at the moment.
Kentaro hit the 'End-Call' button on his cellphone just as Homura's voice answered from the other line. Unintentionally, of course.
'Hello-?' *click*
Oh crap... He was definitely going to get a tongue-lashing for this one. Whether they actually wanted to talk to each other didn't matter. They had both been taught from a very early age that it was very rude to hang up on someone, intentionally or accidentally.
Maybe he should call her back. No, maybe this was a good opportunity. If she really had any interest whatsoever in talking to him, surely she could tell he called, and would call him back instantly.
However, when she didn't call him back, Kentaro felt like crying. Before he jumped to miserable conclusions, he told himself that perhaps she was in the middle of something important, such as homework or studying. She was in the Kendo club, so maybe she was in the middle of practice or something? That sounded logical enough, but the pessimist in Kentaro told him that she was ignoring him.
Kentaro couldn't understand it. Why? What did he do to her? Was she so cruel a girl that she wouldn't even talk to her? Was she secretly angry at him for all those years? It was a possibility that Kentaro had never considered. He had thought they had everything cleared up when they parted ways, but, one could never tell.
Kentaro was starting to wonder if the decision he made three years ago, to part with the Kurosakis, was such a good idea. He had done it for the sake of his friends, and what would be the best for them. He wanted them to live the lives they were entitled to.
-X-
All of what was previously written was Kentaro's assumption. What he didn't know, was the truth. How it broke their hearts, knowing that he didn't care enough to talk to them more about it, and how he was steadfast in not being a part of their family with them. They tried to look at everything from Kentaro's viewpoint, but it didn't seem to work in their minds. The math just didn't add up.
Secretly, Homura had vowed never to love someone so much again. Never again was she going to think of love from an immature child's view, like she had with him. She had learned the tough lesson that life doesn't just go how you want or plan. She vowed she would never make the same mistake twice. She would always love Kentaro as a friend, but she couldn't afford to get attached again. She had cried and cried for a whole year after she left, and finally, when she got sick of her own weakness, she made this promise.
And maybe, just maybe, she was making a mountain out of this molehill, but still, separation from a loved one is never taken easily, no matter how rational the conditions may be. She was hurt, and the only thing she could do was move on. It didn't matter to her now if Kentaro was in the Real World or the Soul Society. She had moved on with her love life, and the only thing Kentaro could do was accept that she could never love him like she did.
However, she had decided all of this before she had seen him again. Seeing him now, how he still cared for her after so many years, she maybe forgot how much he meant to her, how much he still meant to her. Tragically, the flame, the attraction that brought them together as children was gone. However much Homura tried to love him again, she just couldn't bring herself to. She also couldn't bring herself to tell this to Kentaro either. It would break his heart, because he had told her that she was what kept him motivated in the Soul Society. He desperately wanted to see her again.
When he had told her this, she had gone home and cried for the first time in two years. She didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want to lie to him either. But she had already lied. She lied to her family too, and she had even lied to herself. She said she understood and was okay, but in reality she wasn't. She was hurt, and torn, and broken. She had finally freed herself, but was now pushed back to Square-One.
But, the only thing she could do now was tell Kentaro the truth, and it wasn't going to be easy. The truth being: He had let her go, and in turn, she had let him go, not in spite, but in reality.
-X-
Kentaro sighed and fell back into his bed. It had been ten minutes since he had accidentally hung up on Homura. Soon, it was fifteen, and then twenty. Was she ever going to call back?
-X-
Homura, meanwhile, was sitting in her room, alone and sick to her stomach. Kentaro hadn't accidentally hung up, she had. Her fingers were trembling when she answered, and her mouth had been dry. She couldn't talk, so she hung up. She figured Kentaro would be the one that would call back, wanting to know what was up. When he didn't call back, she began to wonder if he too was feeling the same way. She didn't want to think it, since Kentaro had always been so bold when it came to expressing his feelings. Maybe he was just a good liar. Maybe he didn't want to break her heart, as if he hadn't already.
Homura was jarred from her thoughts when Rukia walked into the room and sat down on the bed beside her daughter.
'That was a fast conversation...' Rukia mused. Homura had never been the one for brief phone calls, ever. 'Who was it?'
'Kentaro...' Homura mumbled weakly.
'You sound upset...' Rukia pointed out. 'What's the matter?'
'I hung up on him...' Homura admitted.
'That's not good...' Rukia tried to sound easy.
'Not good at all...'
'Did he say something you didn't want to hear? Did it upset you?' Rukia questioned.
'He didn't get a single word in...' Homura forced herself to talk. 'I didn't mean to, but I'm glad I did...'
'Why would you be glad?' Rukia asked, who was now doubly puzzled and concerned about her daughter's behavior. 'I thought you liked him.'
'I thought I did too, but-' Homura started. 'Years ago, when I first met him, things seemed much simpler. The Soul Society seemed much simpler.'
Rukia nodded her head, understanding where her daughter was coming from.
'And when we left, I-' Homura cut off again, unsure with her words. 'I was crushed and hurt. I was angry, and I just forgot about him.' Homura admitted.
'I see.'
'When he came back, I remembered why I liked him. But I- But I-' Homura started to choke. 'I can't bring myself to love him again.' She finally finished.
'Again?' Rukia asked, raising a raven eyebrow.
'Again...' Homura repeated. 'We'll always be friends, but nothing more. I want to tell him that, but I don't. I'll break his heart.'
'Like he broke yours?' Rukia asked.
Homura nodded sadly. 'He didn't give us a choice if we wanted to stay in the Soul Society. He pushed us all away, not just me.'
'He wasn't doing it to be cruel...' Rukia assured her. 'He honestly wanted only what he thought was best for you...'
'I cried every night for over a year...' Homura stated, hurt stinging her voice. 'Was that really the best for me? She asked.
'Why don't you ask him?' Rukia offered. 'Maybe actually talking to him will answer some questions... Beating yourself up and ignoring him won't.' She reminded. 'Maybe you'll find your feelings for him again.'
'I promised I would never love anyone again...' Homura stated firmly. 'I won't do this to myself again.'
Rukia shook her head. 'You're only seventeen, almost eighteen. It's too early for promises like that. You're setting yourself up for a lonely, miserable life.'
With that, Rukia left the room.
Digesting her mother's sage advice, honestly thinking about what she and her mother had discussed, she decided that she had better try to straighten everything out.
-X-
Kentaro could have jumped for joy when finally, Homura called him back after thirty suspense-filled minutes.
'Hello?' He answered, trying not to sound too eager.
'Hi...' Homura mumbled meekly on the other end.
'Uhh... What's up?' Kentaro started. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to hang up on you, I-'
'It's okay...' Homura assured him. 'I actually thought I hung up on you, the battery in my phone decided to die.' Another lie on her part, but what was one on top of so many others.
'Oh...' Kentaro said, starting to fidget with his free hand. 'I was afraid you were mad at me. You didn't call back so I...'
'Sorry...' Homura tried to chuckle. 'I was waiting for you...'
'Oh...' Kentaro mused, suddenly feeling like an idiot. 'I figured you were in the middle of something, or-or...'
A dead silence on the other end frightened him.
'Hello?' He called, slightly worried.
'I'm here...' Homura answered numbly.
'Is something the matter?' Kentaro asked, wanting to get straight to the point.
'I don't know...' Homura admitted reservedly.
'Did you want to come over sometime?' Kentaro offered. 'Not for a sleepover or anything.' Kentaro clarified. 'That wouldn't be appropriate. But if you want to come over and just talk, I'll be here. I can even order dinner or something, and we can-' Kentaro tried.
'That sounds like a good idea...' Homura answered.
'Really?' Kentaro asked, then cleared his throat. 'Um, okay...' He thought. 'Are you gonna be busy on Friday night? Or even Saturday I think I can do, or-'
'Friday night's fine... I'm sure my parents will be cool with it. It's just you after all.'
Kentaro didn't know what that last comment meant exactly, but he wasn't about to ask questions. 'Oh, okay...' Kentaro thought, feeling his confidence swell. 'Well, um, then what time? Six-ish? Seven maybe?'
'Six-ish sounds good...'
'Really? I mean, okay, that sounds great!' Kentaro answered, hoping Homura could hear his smile. 'Did you want me to pick you up or anything?' He asked.
'No, I can walk. I'll be fine.'
'Are you sure? It's a bit of a walk and-'
'It's fine Kentaro...' Homura repeated. 'I'm sorry Kentaro, but I have to go. I have some homework due tomorrow, and I've barely started. It was good talking to you again...'
'Oh no,' Kentaro assured her. 'I completely understand. I'll let you go...'
Homura heart felt pierced again at those last words. The words that seemed to gnaw at her. 'Goodbye Kentaro...' She finished, hanging up and not giving Kentaro another word before she completely broke down.
'Love you!' Kentaro tried to call, but realized that he was talking to a dial-tone.
Slapping his phone shut in disgust and throwing it to the side, Kentaro was mentally kicking himself. He should've spoken his mind then and there, but no, he had to play a coward and invite her to dinner. Was that why she wasn't her usual cheerful self? She just wanted him to be honest with her? He didn't know exactly, but he was at least going to get a chance to straighten everything with her on Friday night.
-X-
AN: In all honesty, I'm publishing this chapter/epilogue with apprehension and regret. Fear's in the mix somewhere too, but I don't know why. Hopefully, I haven't just SCREWED what was once a good story. This as good as I could come up with. I will totally understand if nobody likes it, because even in my eyes, I think it kinda sucks. If I'm wrong, please let me know ASAP so I'm not going through my days sick in the stomach wondering if everybody all the sudden hates the story. I'm also hoping the transition from the last chapter to this one was okay. I hope the emotions match up too. The two Homuras didn't exactly match up from Ch.27 and now, so... Anyway, I'm rambling! If you have any concerns, comments, (even flames would be appreciated) I will gladly, GLADLY hear them!
Thanks everybody for following and reviewing! Please tell me I did better than I think. :)
