Disclaimer : SoN isn't mine and never will be sadly. :(
Previously : "Ri-ight,"she murmurs,fighting one of those amazing smile of hers before taking out her phone."Hey Ash?"
"Yeah babe,"I reply looking over at her face scrunch up in confusion."What is it,Spence?"
"Um...I've got four missed calls from the same person. But I don't recognize the number." She hands me the phone."Do you?"
"Not a clue,"I say before pressing down the call button."Let's call and see..."
Chapter Twenty-Seven : Life in Technicolor Part 2
(Mia POV)
"Stupid,stupid,stupid,stupid..."
Out of the thunder of burning pain aboved my blood-shot eyes, I can distantly hear my phone ringing.
"Stupid phone."
I let my pounding head fall into my hands, and pushed speaker. At first, I don't bother to murmur a hello, seeing as the stolen whiskey I had just downed just a few hours before still stung my throat. But the sound of Ashley's voice sobered me out of my drunken state in that brief moment, allowing me to respond in low whispers.
"Can you, um..." My voice cracks;I inwardly cringe, taking in a breath."...give Spence the phone. I-I really...I just need to talk to her."
"Yeah...Spence, it's Mia,"Ashley whispered back. I hear a faded reply from Spencer in the background then she's whispering lower this time. "Something's wrong Spence...she's been crying."
"Mia?" Spencer's voice distanced me from the labored panic attack in my chest. "What happened...?"
"Honestly...I made a complete ass of myself, "I answered, reluctant to relive and accept todays events. "And now...now I'm hiding in my room with an empty bottle of whiskey I stole from the RA. Oh, and I'm a little drunk."
She gasped. "You never drink."
I snorted, tossing the empty bottle onto my bed. Too late for that now, little Spence.
"Something must've...tell me. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."
"How...?" I shook my head. " Man. I hurt her, Spence..."
"Who?" She pressed on, pleading now. "Tell me, please?"
My lips trembled, and I let out an exhausted breath. "Jen."
Flashback : About three hours ago...
"Well, what did you want to talk to me about?"she asked as we walked away from the corner cafe. I motioned for us to sit, along a winding wall, where a deserted wodden bench stretched down for a few yards.
"Oliver, actually,"I responded in a flat voice. I truly hated and loathed having to say his name outloud, or even at all.
Beside me Jen tensed. "Oh?"
"Oliver," I continued, grimacing, and glanced at her hard face. "Do you love him?"
"What?"she asked, skeptical. "Why would you even ask me that?"
I leaned forward into her, unintentionally, my eyes dubious. "Do you?"
"What's not to love?" Jen answered, shrinking back against the cold granite wall and crossed her arms."I mean, he's very...wonderful and polite. Oliver is a good man. He has a big heart, you know?"
"You didn't answer me,"I mumbled, observing silently as Jen pursed her lips. She stared into my eyes for only a few seconds before looking away, knowing that she couldn't lie around me like she did with everyone else.
"I don't know,"she finally admitted, her face twisting into a new expression;thoughtful. Arched eyebrows knit together. "I thought I did, in the beginning...I really did. But I do like him. Alot ,I mean..."
"And now?"
I pulled my legs up my chest on the bench, wrapping my arms around them, and rested my shaking chin on my knees. The moisture in my eyes seemed to build up faster,hazing my vision of her face in front of me.
"It's more complicated,"she breathed, then eyes me seriously. "Why did you really come here? I mean, you've never came to this place when I asked you before...Now you show up out of nowhere while Oliver and I are having breakfast?"
"I had to tell you something," I blurted out not being able to control myself anymore, especially my impulses at the moment. I shake my head. "But as much as I want to tell you..."
"Mia,"she whispered, irritated by my vagueness. Jen had been waiting for me to continue, but my voice failed to catch up with my mind. Jen studied my face for a long moment, speculating. "Just say it."
My eyes close. I was really doing this. "You're happy though, right?"
"Why?"
I lift my chin from my knees, pulling my eyes open. "Just answer, please?"
"Alright then," Jen replied faintly, "Yes. I guess I am. What does that have to do with--"
"You guess?"
"What?"
I groaned in irritation. "Damnit Jen."
Come on, Mia. Say it. Now. SAY IT!
"Look,IthinkI'minlovewithyou," I stumbled out one breath, before taking in another one.
"ButIdon'twanttoruinyou'rehappiness,soI'llleaveyoualonenow."
My palm smacks against my face. Great. She totally understood that, Mia.
I dare a glance. Jen's face is blank, unreadable, but she's staring at me still. She understood;knew the truth. Instantly I feel the weight of all these months lifting off of me, yet, slowly, another lowering to take its place.
"I'm sorry if we aren't friends after today...But I'm not sorry for this..."
I didn't need to open my eyes to know that Jen's were, widened in surprise, because my lips were suddenly on hers. And I'm feeling her whole body freeze under them in an instant. For one blissfully selfish and miraculous moment, I let myself pretend that she was kissing me back. That she wasn't dating some rich,irresponsible,naive boy and that she wanted this as much as I do....
It was in that one painful, wonderful moment that I realized that Jen was no longer catatonic under my lips. I could've bet on my entire existance that I felt her begin to kiss me back before she jerked away from me, stumbling back and to her feet.
Releasing the breath I'd unconciously been holding,I looked up from my silent misery and into her confused, agonizing eyes. It was a special kind of torture, seeing what I saw in her eyes then, and knowing that I'd put it there. My own private hell. My inflamed skin burned from embarrassment and her rejection until it numbed my ability to feel anything. And in the coming seconds, I wouldn't even feel the tears cutting down my face.
Any confusion or emotion drained completely from her face as comprehension flickered across her glossed, hazel eyes."Oh my god..."
"I'm sorry. I-I have to leave,"I whispered, my voice cracking at the thought. My feet slowly unhinged from their bolted roots on ground and I backed away from her. "Oliver's probably wondering if I kidnapped you or...or something."
"What?"She cried out, pulling on my arm for me to stop."No,no don't! Mia, just give me a second to--"
"To what?" The anger in my voice scared both of us, but I was beyond the edge of breaking down. My consience was slowly being swallowed whole by the bitter black of my regret. By the rage at waiting all this time only to have my heart ripped and burned. I hated myself for being angry at her,being angry at the wrong person. She didn't do anything...and that was exactly what made me blow up. "You would've done the same Jen!...I just beat you to the punch. Am I wrong?God what was I thinking coming here!"
"Mia,no..." She stared ahead into the alley where I stood, biting her lip to keep it from trembling. "...I wouldn't have--Damnit, stop walking away from me, please?Can't we talk about this?"
I bite back another wave of tears against my closed eyelids. " You know..Before, I thought I could stand it...being your friend even if it killed me to see you with other guys who weren't me. Now I realize that I can't do it anymore. I won't because I would just be torturing myself."
"Damnit Mia..." Her mouth hung wide open, taking in my forced confession."Why didn't you tell me?"
"It doesn't matter now," I told her, cruel humor slitting my broken voice. I finally turned away from Jen for the last time, each step pulling me down by gravity, feeling like a hundred weights bashed down into my shoulders. "It won't change this..."
End of Flashback
"I kissed her,"I admitted into the receiver.
I scoffed, leering at the tempting bottle of asprin on the table beside the bathroom door.
"Then basically told her we couldn't be friends anymore because it hurt me too much."
"Your gay?!"Spencer's voice screamed loudly from the phone,making me cring away in pain again before the beer numbed it away like everything else. "I'm sorry I just...I had no idea--"
"You always had shitty gaydar,Spence," Ashley noted faintly, before another scream rumbled the speaker of my phone. "Jesus!Why did it have to be the straw?!I got freaking Coke in my eye--Ah,I'm blind!Do you want me to crash--""
"Drive!"Spencer shushed her,taking in another breath."Um,I mean...Wow,when did you know--"
"I don't know,I mean...,"I trailed off, hesitant to dive deep into my past again. "It was just this thought...Like, in the back of my head you know?It was like this for years, nagging at me!God,it was really annoying!...That was it, until you showed up in my life all beautiful and awesome and...really, really gorgeous. When I saw you,and sang with you? Spence, man...you made me open up my eyes!Everything was finally clear,like BAM!Like Mia,your so gay,you know?"
"Wait,"she stopped me,before a low gasp left the speaker."You thought I was..."
"Really,really gorgeous,"I repeated,slurring slightly on that last part and cracking up into a burst of giggles."But don't worry, Pez Dispencer..."
Another giggle as I painfully lift the phone to my face. "I'm totally, totally over you now..."
"You've got to be freaking kidding me?"Ashley yelled,clearly overhearing my second confession of the day,and obviously not overjoyed with the idea."Did I just hear--"
"Keep your eyes on the road,"Spencer demanded,after a few shufflling sounds and murmured cursing."You grab this phone again Davies and your sleeping on the floor tonight."
"I'm gonna hang up now before your wife turns that car around and strangles me in my sleep,"I suggest, not too keen on the possibility. "Maybe later, when I'm--Jen?"
She was half-hidden behind the wall farthest from me and beside the door, one of her clenched fists across her chest. If it weren't for a sudden bang of sound from outside my room near her direction at that moment, I probably wouldn't have known she was in the room. I didn't know how long she had been standing there, or when the last time I even glanced in that direction before now.
"Spence, I'm going to hang up...,"I whisper into the receiver, flipping the phone closed before she could protest. As I stood, my body swayed unsteadily,almost sending me back onto the floor.
"How long have you been stand--What are you doing here?" As I asked this, Jen was suddenly beside me now,an arm slug around my waist for support. "I'm fine. Damnit,let go of me...I'm not disabled and don't you have classes?"
"Only about a minute. Classes can wait. And I cannot believe your drunk,"Jen grunted,scoffing loudly, and looked over my shoulder at the bed. Her grip tightened as she drug me forcefully over to the bed and practically threw me down."Why?Why would you drink?"
The corners of my mouth curved mockingly as she crosses her arms awkwardly under my dazed eyes staring up at her."You're really asking that question?"
Her eyes narrowed and I gave into them, defeated by the quickly diplating alcohol in my system. "I wanted the pain to go way. And was working until about five minutes ago when it wore off. Now my head hurts. Happy?"
"Yes,"Jen whispered through her teeth, smiling faintly. "Enjoy it because this is the last time. I will not let you get drunk because of me again." My head snapped up, distressed by the implied proclamation hiding in her sentance. "I'm not going to lose you because of this. I mean, your like...my best friend."
I stared at my hands, clentched in double fists on my lap. "Best friends aren't suppose to want to kiss eachother."
"Your wrong,"she snapped, breaking off suddenly, like something smacked the remaining words back into her lungs.
"I mean...your wrong about me walking away. I wouldn't do that to you. I mean, I'll admit I was pretty shocked at first because I thought--" Her hazel eyes slammed shut in frusteration, before opening and scutinizing the disbelief in my expression. "But I'm okay now. I mean, I guess I knew...With how you used to look at Spencer in class when she first came here, and how you were around me these past few months with Oliver around. "
"Unbelievable." My laugh held no humor in it. "And I thought I hid it so well."
"God,"Jen moaned suddenly, eyes shot to her face seeing the humor there. But I could also see pain again so I looked away, hiding in my self-pity. "You know you've seen too many movies when every forbidden romance cliche comes rushing into your head all at once."
"Which one are we?"I asked her, ignoring the hidden meaning in her sentence. Jen laughed, but then she was quiet for a long time,her face thoughtful, as she looked on at nothing. I sighed. "That's stupid question, isn't it? Ours is easy..."
"We've been so close lately,"she muttered to herself. "After Spence left and it was just me and you...We just,I don't know, bonded. Calling us 'best friends' is an understatement...We're so much more than that now."
I shook my head at her words, hearing them more like riddles."What's your point Jen?"
"My point? My point is that I'm a selfish ass who couldn't see that I was hurting you. It's just I really care about you and I don't want...I'm so sorry,you have no idea how sorry--"
"Point taken." I let out a weak, painful laugh and groaned;My head fell back onto the bed and stretching my limbs groggily.
"Mia,"she paused, eyes tightening at my stretched out form. I'd be asleep in minutes. Her chin rested on her palm, arms still crossed. She stood there watching there was a smirk there on her lips, etched with something I couldn't understand; a secret only she knew.
I groaned slamming my eyes closed again. More riddles.
Then, finally, she moved. Her steps were sure and gracefull before she perched herself at the foot of my bed. But then, the weight shifted as she carefully plopped down next to me and lowered herself onto her side.
"I think I should tell you something..." Jen's face seemed completely tortured, confused by something I couldn't see. She twisted her hand up to grab mine, and her smile turned fond, glancing toward my wary eyes. The instantaneous reaction that hit me at that moment was to pull her to me and kiss her but I had to keep calm. Though, keeping calm was proving to be rather difficult because I could feel my heart thrumming loudly in my ears. I squinted sleepily at Jen's face, too tired and too hopeful to be uncomfortable at the gesture.
"Isn't this a little dangerous...?" I raised an eyebrow at her, eagerly tracing my fingers over her skin, trailing up her arm before resentfully removing my hand to smirk at her. "I mean, given the circumstances and the gay in me, this isn't the smartest thing to do..."
A soft, serene expression lingered on her beautiful face as she giggled at my attempted humor. But her hands still didn't stray from my own, instead, grasping my waist and pulling her into me until I could feel her legs wrap around mine."Easy. Then I don't wanna be smart."
"Your kinda weren't smart to begin with Jen,"I teased,half-heartedly;The warm breath hitting my face made me incoherent briefly before I could form words to respond. I can't stop the smile from forming at her touch, though I should be used to that reaction by now. It happens everytime she touches me.
"Well...I may not be the sharpest person in the world,"Jen added, somewhat ignoring my response before resting her eyes back to ours hands."But I know, without a doubt, that when I'm not with you..."
My body jolted and froze when I heard a voice screaming from the other side of the door. "Mia?Mia you in there girl?" Kammy? Kammy? Really God? Out of all the people you send her to ruin this moment?
"Hailey told me you were in here,open up! We have a library date to tend to. Come on, you need the study time for Sheckler's class..."
"Shit. God,I'm too sober for this..."I grumble more obsinities,raising onto my elbows weakly, and trying to compose myself. I glance up when I feel Jen move away from me, grateful and disappointed all at the same time. That would've been a hard position to explain if Kammy had opened the door right then.
"You should go,"I hear Jen whisper from behind me."We both know you need to pass that exam. So,um...I should be going too then."
"Wait,"I pleaded, grabbing her wrist as she walked past, stopping her. Instead of pulling away completely, she steps in closer and I suddenly feel lightheaded. I can feel the blush starting at my neck and quickly traveling up through my cheeks. "Back there, you were going to...I mean,you can't just do that and say that then just leave me with more questions than answers."
"You still alive?" Kammy's annoyingly squeaky voice yells again through the wood. Shut up Kammy. "Hello in there?"
"Hold on a second!" I screamed, partly to both of them, because Jen was pulling away again. I grab her hand tightly, making sure she wouldn't shrug out of my grasp, and pinned it against my hip. I lead her to the door quietly, pulling her behind me and opening it only a few inches peeking out at Kammy's annoyed face. "Um...Can you give me a second?"'
"Why are you busy at the moment or something?" I guess I didn't pull my mask on fast enough because she saw through my blank stare. "No way! You got a guy in there?"
"No. Not a guy." I roll my eyes, disgusted by the accusation. "Kammy, I'll be out in a minute. Just hold..." I stop when I hear Jen starting to speak again.
"Do you think,"she whispered barely, half to herself as if she wasn't aware of her slip. I glance over to see Jen watching me intently, the worry lines wrinkling her forehead apparent. "I mean...that it's possible to love someone and never really...realize it until something happens that makes you see?"
"Um." I shake myelf out of my shocked silence, swinging the door back to look at Kammy."Can you give us a second Kam? There's something we really need to talk about."
"Ri-i-ight,"I hear her yell sarcastically,"Have fun!", as I quickly slam the door shut and turn to Jen.
It was after I had stared open-mouthed at her for a few moments before regaining the power of speech. Did she just imply that...?
"Did you just...?"
Finally she turns her eyes up to meet mine, giggling at the effect she has on me. "Wow, we really are a cliche, aren't we?"
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