Reborn slides up behind the couch and shakes a small bit of holly over Verde's head. The scientist tilts his head back and raises an eyebrow.

"It's tradition," Reborn insists.

"Not my tradition," Verde deadpans.

Colonnello twists around from his seat next to the scientist. "Probably a good idea, Verde. Who knows where Reborn has been?"

The hitman rolls his eyes. "This joke wasn't funny the first seven times-"

"Because he's a hoe hoe hoe!" Colonnello crows in delight and burst into laughter at his stupid joke.

Skull and Lal enter the room just as Reborn tries to shove the holly branch down Colonnello's throat. Verde is already back to sneering at the live Christmas carols on TV.

"Is it time for the Christmas orgy?" Skull chirps in an exaggeratedly excited voice.

"Where are the rest?" Lal asks Verde, ignoring the three idiots.

"Getting a tree," the scientist answers. "Apparently the plastic one offends Luce's sensibilities."

Skull frowns. "I mean we don't have to do the orgy thing, it's just a family tradition."

"Let's keep this kid friendly!" Luce calls up from outside. "No incest jokes!"

"There are no kids-" Lal glances over at the hitman and soldier rolling around on the floor. "Never mind."

Viper floats up into view, framed by the large window. Thin purple feelers emerge from their cloak and start disassembling the window pane and fly screen. Fon then enters through the window, dressed like a particularly buff Santa, carrying a two-and-a-half-meter tall tree.

The martial artist sits the tree in the pot already set up and steps back to assess the image. "I'm so glad we have a tall ceiling."

Reborn abandons his attempt at snuffing out Colonnello and instead trots up to Fon, pulling another bit of holly from his pocket. He does get a kiss on the cheek but it's mostly itchy fake hair from the lopsided beard Fon has.

Luce enters the room from the door because even if she wasn't pregnant, she probably wouldn't be able to climb through the second storey window. "Okay," she says happily. "Should we get straight to decorating?"

They spend the next hour arguing about where to place the decorations and it ends with five baubles on the tree and a couple tufts of tinsel. Everything else is broken.

It's late in the day since most of them had to attend other Christmas mornings. Fon just flew in from China and Luce was attending a small famiglia present swap, while everyone else had family get togethers.

The only ones who didn't have anything on were Reborn and Viper, so they spent the morning getting shit faced on spiked eggnog and breaking into houses to steal Christmas presents because they're both assholes and revel in it.

In fact, they're both still a little bit drunk. Just a little.

"Who wants to go first?" Luce asks, hunting through the sparse wrapped packages under the newly planted tree. They all agreed on a Secret Santa because Viper refused to buy more than one present.

"I will," Skull says instantly. He grabs a large rectangular box and skips up to Lal, shoving it at her with a smile.

"Wait," Luce says quickly. "Everyone needs to sit on the ground and do this the proper way."

Verde makes an irritated sound. "What does that even mean? This entire scenario is built on consumerism and has been twisted even further from it's ridiculous religious roots. We're celebrating a false power by wasting money! How does this make any sense!?" He's panting slightly by the time he finishes.

"It's okay, Verde," Reborn says soothingly. "Just embrace the holiday. After all, it's about family and showing your loved ones how much you care."

"By buying them the most expensive presents," Verde mutters with vitriol. He narrows his eyes at Reborn. "Why are you getting into this? Are you high right now?"

Reborn laughs loudly and pats Verde on the shoulder a little too hard, making the scientist stagger forward. "What a funny joke! Open your present Lal."

Luce is about to say something, expression a mix between concerned and upset.

Viper cuts in. "If he was high, you would never find out." They wait until Luce starts to relax before adding on, "He is very, very drunk though."

"I'm just going to open this," Lal deadpans. She does obligingly sit on the floor and after everyone follows (some more willing that others), she takes off the badly wrapped paper and then opens the case inside.

She blinks at the well crafted set of combat knives set into cloth, all of them matte and monochrome in colour in case she needs to use them without drawing attention.

Colonnello lets out a low whistle, leaning over Lal's shoulder to see. "These are high quality. How did you know to get them?"

Skull shrugs, but he's grinning with pride. "I know a knife throwing guy and he swears by these. Yes, I have friends in the circus, make your jokes now."

"Too predictable," Reborn says. "Maybe later."

Lal is too busy fiddling with the knives so Colonnello grabs her present and passes it along to Reborn. The hitman opens the present quickly and hums in delight when he sees the range of ties, from Burberry to Armani and in his favourite colours.

He lifts out a deep green one with the cutest little bright green lizards on it and immediately swaps it with the red and green striped one he's wearing. Leon drops onto it and blends with one of the little lizards. Reborn coos.

"Get a room or get on with it," Verde grumbles.

Reborn flicks his fingers at the scientist dismissively but does take a small box out of his jacket pocket and toss it over to Luce. She catches it easily and cradles it in her hands for a moment before carefully undoing the wrapping paper. She opens what looks to be a slightly larger ring box that the normal type.

Inside is seven rings, all of them conductors to Sky flames and all of them branded with a famiglia's initials. She sees Benovati and Gradino and Vongola and every powerhouse in the mafia. Luce very carefully closes the box with the stolen rings, probably snatched right off the other Don's fingers, and stares at the hitman.

Reborn's grin is smug and cruel all at once. "You don't have one," he explains. "So I thought I'd get you a nice selection and you could pick. Or, if you prefer, you can just keep them all and switch for every day of the week."

"No," Luce sighs.

"Ye~es," Reborn sings. "Just imagine walking into a meeting with those decorating your lovely fingers."

"Thank you," Luce begins. "I appreciate the sentiment-"

"The world at your feet," Reborn promises with a wicked smirk.

"But no," Luce sighs again. "Please put them back."

Reborn shrugs, not surprised. "It's a good thing I have a backup then."

He gestures at a soft package wrapped in yellow under the tree and Fon obligingly reaches over and passes it to Luce. The tiny little baby booties and lizard onesie inside make Luce squeal in delight for a good ten minutes.

Viper is twitching badly, their stare not moving from the ring box just lying beside Luce. How much would those go for on the market? How much would those famiglias pay to have them back?

Luce sees the strange shudders and quickly passes over her present for Viper. Luce first thought about jewellery since it's expensive but finally admitted to herself that Viper would prefer something a little more practical.

Viper unwraps it and then starts laughing, clutching a literal sack of cash to their chest. Everyone waits (almost) patiently as Viper counts out the hundred dollar bills. The Mist then carelessly pulls a small white bottle out of thin air and tosses it at Fon before starting to rub the cash over their face.

The martial artist catches the bottle and does not look amused when he sees the label proclaiming it as steroids. "Thanks," he says slowly, placing it on the ground beside him and pushing his present towards Colonnello.

"Open it, you idiot," Viper says, voice muffled because they're licking the money to claim it as their own. (At this point, they're just messing with everyone.)

Fon sighs long-sufferingly and starts edging the cap open, pointing it away from himself in case Viper filled it with toxic gas or something. When nothing happens, he looks inside and ends up pulling out a rolled-up note.

It's an acceptance letter, stating that Fon can attempt his one hundredth mastery in martial arts whenever it suited him.

"You do care," Skull coos.

Viper scoffs. "I'd like everyone to know that it didn't cost me any money."

"Thank you," Fon says, heartfelt.

"You disgust me," Viper deadpans.

"Moving on," Luce says quickly, giving Fon's gift to Colonnello.

The soldier tears open the draw string bag and pours the contents into his lap. A long-sleeved shirt falls out, made with some kind of light weight fish scales that appear plain white if you don't look too closely.

"Put it on," Fon says. "Just over your clothes as a demonstration."

Colonnello follows instructions and peers expectantly at his torso as if it should turn invisible or something.

"Shoot him," Fon asks Reborn.

"Wait, no-" Colonnello lifts his arms to shield himself but the bullet passes through the gap between and hits him in the middle of his chest. The scales ripple upon impact, shimmering silver for a moment, but settle down soon enough.

The bullet drops to the floor and Colonnello looks more startled than anything close to winded. He didn't even jerk back from the momentum.

Lal launches into a conversation about the material and the manufacturer while Reborn continually shoots Colonnello, testing the limits of the shirt.

Verde is already bored of this so he takes the last present and pulls off the paper apathetically, right until he realises what he's looking at. He immediately rips the rest off and starts running his fingers over the naked circuitry of what seems to be a really large circuit board.

"I love Christmas," Verde proclaims.

Skull scans the room, eyes lingering under the Christmas tree, and on Verde's lab coat. "So, um, where's my present?"

"Outside," Verde mumbles vaguely, with that half manic 'imma do the science' look in his eyes.

Skull stands up and waits a bit, but Viper and Verde are distracted with their presents while the other five are still taking about the shirt.

Skull ends up trotting out of the room and down the stairs himself. He steps out of the front door and looks around, but there's nothing. He circles the house, thinking that maybe Verde just said 'outside' as a way to make Skull not bother him.

Luce notices Skull's absence about ten minutes after he leaves. She claps her hands once to get everyone's attention and then herds them outside.

They find Skull sprawled over what appears to be a working replica of the batmobile, the stuntman sobbing into the tricked-out engine. He sees them and starts babbling, something about how he's going to have nipples on his costume.

Reborn nudges Verde with his shoulder. "I thought you didn't like Christmas."

"The car isn't about Christmas," Verde corrects. "It's about pushing the limits of technology."

"And Batman," Skull yells as he crawls further into the engine.


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A/N: I hope you all have great holidays and get lots of cool presents! Merry Christmas!