The Perfect Bucket List
Chapter 28: Nonsense.
We spent almost three hours just lying in bed talking about nonsense, getting to know each other even better. And I thought that "telling someone other than Susan all my secrets" could be the next thing to cross out from my list. We were in a sweet silence; I was leaning on his bare chest drawing invisible cartoons with my fingers into his flesh, while he embraced me with one arm and very calmly stroked my hair.
"I love being like this with you" Tobias admitted out of the blue.
"What do you mean?" I asked without moving my head. I was too comfortable to move.
"Being like this, hugged in silence" He explained while caressing my hair. "If you were someone else I would've been bored after five seconds. But I feel that I could be lying next to you for the rest of my life."
"I feel the same" I said tenderly with watery eyes. I felt how he kissed my head and sighed quietly.
"Have you ever fallen in love?" He wondered, radically changing the subject. I hesitated.
"No," I lied. "And you?"
"Only once, and I don't want to fall in love with another woman anymore" I could hear a sad tone in his voice.
"Did it end up badly? Did she hurt you?"
"No, she didn't, I mean, she doesn't even know I love her" He murmured, running caresses down my arm. I felt how my heart broke.
"Is it Rita?" I asked with a terrible lump in my throat. He laughed softly.
"Of course not, my girl is the complete opposite from Rita… I could never love someone like her"
"I'm glad it's not her" I said with all the bitterness I could handle. I didn't care who the hell she was, I only cared about the fact that 'his girl' was not me and I never would be "Would you tell me who's the lucky one?" He made a noise that told me he wasn't going to say anything. "Even though you won't tell me it's nice to know that you're in love, she must be beautiful"
"She is" He muttered proudly. "You have no idea"
"She better be perfect and take care of you because I won't die and leave you in the hands of anyone" He gave a rueful laugh. And before he said something I started talking "I know you don't like to talk about it ... but it's a reality and we must be aware of that, I already accepted it"
"But I haven't"
"I'll take care of you, and if they let me, I'll come at night to pull your feet"
"Let's change the subject" I moved away from his chest and lied down beside him. He turned around to see me and our eyes connected for a few seconds. Tobias's face looked lovely; really, I couldn't help but admire. "Would you be angry if I gave you another kiss?" He asked suddenly without taking his eyes from mine. I was confused for a second.
"You want to kiss me?" I asked, incredulous and a little excited. He smirked and nodded. I didn't say anything because I didn't know if he was serious or not. Then he moved closer to me and we both closed our eyes getting ready for what was about to happen.
Tobias approached my face without waiting for my answer. Because believe me, God and everyone else can agree that I could've shouted a yes. He brushed his lips with mine for a few seconds, anticipating the kiss he was looking forward to, then put his hand on my cheek and caught my lower lip between his. But it was only that, he just caught my lip gently and began to stroke it with his tongue, and he made me feel things I never thought possible. It was such a strong feeling I swear I could cry with the pure emotion of the moment, but I knew that Tobias would probably get scared with my tears and stop those magical caresses. Then he began to move his lips on mine slowly, without hurry, as if to remember my taste forever. He lowered his hand to my waist and pulled our bodies close to each other.
I sighed and pulled away from him a bit to get some air, I had never felt so stupidly in love and although I felt silly, it was also a nice feeling. He opened his eyes, stared at me confusedly, withdrew his hand away from my waist and moved a little. Before he pulled completely away from me or said something stupid that would ruin my happiness, I put my hands on his face, lifted my head slightly to kiss his nose and ran my arms through his neck making us be millimeters apart from each other once again.
"You ask me for a kiss and then plan to run away?" I asked before kissing him again. He chuckled. "You can't do that to a girl, Four"
"I asked you for a kiss and finished stealing it from you; I didn't know what would be your reaction."
"Taking into account that you're the best kisser in the world, I don't think that running away from you could be an option"
"You don't stay behind" He murmured with a deep voice before smiling and kissing me again, now a little more quickly, but with the same tenderness. My heart was beating like never before and I felt as if I was running a marathon. I was sure that Tobias was feeing the same because his tongue entered desperately into my mouth and although I had always considered that too unpleasant and never let anyone stick their tongue into my mouth, with Tobias was totally different, I felt things I had never felt in my life, it was an overwhelming need to be as close as I could to him, and I wanted much more of him, I was sure of that.
He pushed me down until I was lying in the bed, and slowly without pulling our lips apart got comfortable over my body, his forearms on both sides of my head. I brought my hands down from his neck to his bare back. Tobias put his hands inside my blouse and slowly stroked my belly; my whole body trembled and I got closer to him. When he started kissing my neck, I realized that this would not stay as a simple hot kiss.
I had many dreams with Tobias, but none of them were like this, I swear, and I had never gotten to do something even close with any of my boyfriends, I didn't even have half the experience of girls like Rita. I didn't know what to do and felt like I would just stop out of nowhere and it would be the most uncomfortable moment of my life.
If with only with a few kisses I was feeling vulnerable, with the things following Tobias would be able to do whatever he wanted with me. But I was just a stupid bitch who didn't know what to do. He sensually kissed my neck as he lifted my shirt upward and settled between my shaky legs sticking our bodies together. I was getting stiff because I didn't not know what to do. I was completely lost. Should I touch him too?Should I let go of myself and let him do all the work? Should I just lie down and spread my legs? How the hell does sex work? Does it hurt? And what would happen if we did it?
He finally took off my blouse and kissed me again passionately, it was a wild kiss. He grabbed my bottom lip with his teeth and I felt his chest rise and fall quickly against mine.
He ran his hands down my back and began stroking right where the clasp of my bra was; I panicked and tightened my legs, but that only served to realize that Tobias was very "happy" and I also realized that I had never been with a guy like that, I didn't even know how it was and ... I couldn't, I just wasn't made for these kinds of situations, I knew I would ruin it with some gaffe.
"Tobias ..." I muttered almost inaudibly, pulled my lips away from his and moved under him trying to get out but Tobias just sighed. He moved his hands to my ass and squeezed, rubbed against my body again and moaned. His movements were only making me moan with pleasure and feel throbbing where I had never felt a throbbing before. He bit my neck sensually and I knew that this was definitely the best feeling I had experienced in my life. Damn Rita! She probably had Tobias like this so many times before and she probably wasn't just lying down without knowing what to do "Tobias ... stop... To…"
He ran his hands from my butt, over my lower back all the way back to the clasp of my bra. He fiddled with it for a few moments while moving his hips in circles and savoring the exposed skin of my neck.
"Tobias seriously, stop!" I muttered with a low, husky voice, I didn't even hear what I said and apparently he didn't either. He managed to unfasten my bra and I started trembling with pleasure and fear. I was stiff when Tobias stood up just a little and moved me like a rag doll to pull off my the thin piece of cloth. He smiled mischievously, turned around to stare at me with his dark eyes and took my hands in his. I found this as a nice gesture; he lay down once again and stretched my hands over my head.
I didn't know exactly what my feelings at the time. In one side I had Tobias, the man I loved, laying down over my almost- naked body, my breasts were crushed against his chest and I was completely exposed to anything he did to me because my hands were tightly held over my head. But I was also a stupid girl, who knew nothing about sex, and was scared but didn't have the guts to stop everything that was happening in the moment.
He brought his face to mine and kissed my cheek tenderly, then kissed my nose and finally slowly kissed my lips. That was just breaking my heart. Was Tobias "romantic" only when he was about to do "that"? I know, it was the cutest thing he ever did to me, but it hurt to know that he only did it under these circumstances, when the thought I would give him my body, and it wasn't as if I didn't want to. I just wasn't ready.
He released my hands and I closed my eyes tightly. I couldn't get up for several reasons:
1) the truth, I didn't want to
2) Tobias was twice heavier than I was
3) my legs didn't respond
4) a very sensitive part of my body was screaming me to stay.
Before I could react, I felt something wet that made me shudder. I opened my eyes and I looked down to see that Tobias was kissing ... my left nipple. And then he bit.
"Tobias! Please stop it!" I ordered with the strongest voice I could handle. Tobias lifted his head and stared at me completely confused, of course, I'm the only bitch that doesn't know what to do "sorry, it's just that I can't, I'm so sorry"
"What do you feel? What happened?" He asked worried.
"This! I can't! I'm still not ready and I have no idea what to do, I'm a fool, I'm really sorry ..." I covered my face with my hands; I didn't want him to see me like this. That was the perfect time for him to get up, walk out of the room and leave me alone with my miserable, useless and pathetic life. But he didn't leave, he stayed in the same position for a few seconds breathing hard, then he rose a little, kissed my hands and pulled them away from my face making our eyes connect.
"No! You shouldn't apologize, you didn't do anything" He said with sweeter face he ever showed to me "I'm sorry, it was supposed to be only a kiss, I got carried away, I didn't want to pressure you or anything like that, it went very far and I ..."
"It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't wanted, you never pressured me ... Well, in the end you did but only a little" I admitted. Tobias smiled uncomfortably and walked away from me ashamed. He sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands; I grabbed my shirt and put it on quickly as I turned back. I had read that sometimes men cannot control themselves when they get excited and ... Damn! I didn't like to think about it, but for me it felt fantastic, weird and a bit uncomfortable, but maybe he felt something else or ... I don't know, dammit! There are children that have barely twelve and know more about the topic and stuff than me.
My phone started vibrating in the desktop; I got up and grabbed it.
"Christina" I announced when I looked at the screen. I stood quickly and felt my legs still shaky; I stared sheepishly at Tobias and grabbed my phone.
"Hi, Christina" I answered as Tobias left the room.
"Hello! I'm bored. Want to go out?" She asked with her typical enthusiastic tone.
"Of course, I just have to get ready"
"Okay, pick you up in fifteen minutes" She hung up and I sighed. Surely when I told her what had happened she will think I'm an idiot and it's quite true, Tobias was out there probably mad at me just because it was hard for me to make love. Well, for me it would've been like making love but not for him. Perhaps that was what happened. I always wanted to lose my virginity to someone who loved me. I never considered the possibility of losing it with someone I loved but he didn't love me back.
I left the room and walked to the living room where Tobias was sitting with the television on; I bet he wasn't even paying attention.
"Tobias, can I go out with Christina for a while?" I asked, from the hallway.
"Tris, I'm not your father, you don't have to ask permission for anything" He said with a tense voice. I knew he was angry. And I hated when he was pissed at me and more when we had just spent a romantic time together for the first time.
"I told you I'm sorry!" I shouted making him turn to me somewhat alarmed, I was frowning at him. He took air as if giving courage to himself, stood up from the couch and walked toward me with his eyes on the floor. We were in front of each other, he wasn't looking me in the eye and that bothered me. "You don't have any reason to be mad at me"
"I'm not mad at you princess" He spoke at last with a trembling voice and lifted his gaze "You have no blame for anything, in fact you should be angry, I acted like a rapist ..."
"I am not angry, so stop worrying so much; you will turn into an old man" He smirked still not entirely convinced.
"Then you're not angry about the fact that your best friend almost rapes you?" I chuckled and shook my head "Sure, sure, sure?"
"Sure, sure, sure" He sighed and raised his hand to stroke my cheek "Hey! So can I go out with Christina?" I asked, remembering that she would get here in less than fifteen minutes. He rolled his eyes and nodded. I ran to the room and changed fast, I didn't even bother in selecting what I was going to wear. Just as I was brushing my hair someone knocked on the door and I listened as Tobias opened. I put perfume on, grabbed my purse and ran, I didn't want to leave Christina waiting for me
"Hi" She said when she saw me "you look so cute"
I laughed "Thanks, you look nice too, it's not like I want to have ugly friends"
"You only look for models" Tobias scoffed "That's why your best friend is so handsome"
"Okay, let's go now, I'm hungry" Tobias walked to kiss me goodbye. It was intended to be in my cheek but ended up being in the corner of my mouth. My stomach lurched and my cheeks burned, it wasn't like we had not shared a series of kisses and caresses just a few minutes ago, but I couldn't control my own body when he touched me.
"Where are you going" Tobias asked. Christina shrugged and stared at me.
"Ummm, I know! We can go to the cafe near the Big Ben, I want to buy the magazine" I explained to Tobias. He smiled and nodded "See you later, wait for me to have dinner"
"Sure, don't be late. Do you have your cellphone? I don't want you to get lost out there again, if anything happens just call me and I…"
"Tobias!" I scolded him; Christina just stared at us with a grin "Remember you told me you're not my father? You are behaving like one"
"It doesn't matter, I don't want to lose you again" He crossed his arms "Behave"
"Yes sir, I'll take care of her" Christina mumbled between laughs "See you later Tobias"
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Hello!
I love you all. And I know, I know, Fourtris is behaving really dumb. I personally loved this chapter. It took long but I'm back, summer is officially started and boom, chapter after chapter this week.
