Chapter 28

The ride to the hospital was uneventful and silent. Tim was halfway toward protesting when he realized where they were taking him, but he subsided before he even got a word out. ...because they were taking him where he really wanted to go. He needed to see Ducky, to know that he was going to be okay.

When they got to the hospital, Tim allowed himself to be shepherded into an isolated room. They told him to stay there until Ducky was out of recovery and in a room. Then, they left him alone. Tim sat for a few minutes, just sat there, trying to control himself, trying to keep from freaking out again.

He hadn't even seen Ducky. Tim didn't know how he had been so sure that Ducky had been shot. All he had thought from the moment he heard the shot was that someone else had been hurt because of him...and it was Ducky. If Ziva hadn't pulled him back at that moment...

...I'd be dead. Admit it, Tim. She saved your life.

...and he had actually spoken to her, had admitted to his weakness, his incredible wussiness, the fact that, in spite of all his bluster and rage, they had been right after all. All of this was really his own fault, not theirs. He had confessed the truth...and he knew that he had no right to feel the way he had felt. It was hard to admit it after so long. It was hard to know that it was all his fault. His anger and resentment had been so much easier to deal with than the fact that he was to blame.

If I'd only said it myself. If I'd only done what I knew was the right thing to do...none of this would have happened. Ducky wouldn't be recovering from surgery right now...if only I hadn't been such an idiot. Lance Corporal Smythe would still be alive if I hadn't been there to make him a target. So many people would be alive right now who died...who were killed...because of me.

...and here he was now, sitting in a room, waiting for a chance to comfort himself, to reassure himself that Ducky was okay.

You're pathetic, Tim.

The door opened without a knock and Gibbs came inside. Tim looked at him and then away...and then back to him, a question on his tongue...but he couldn't speak it. Gibbs seemed to know.

"He's been put in a room, but he's still pretty out of it."

Tim nodded mutely.

"You want to see him?"

Another nod.

"Come on, then."

Tim stood and meekly followed Gibbs down the hall. He made a little noise of surprise when they arrived at Ducky's room. The sight of two members of hospital security standing outside was just one more indication of what he'd wrought.

"We don't really think Collier will come after Ducky again, but it's best to safe."

Tim nodded again. His voice wouldn't seem to work.

"Go on," Gibbs said. "We're still working out where to take you after."

"–kay."

Tim walked forward into the room. It was quiet, the lights dim enough that, when Ducky opened his eyes, he wouldn't be blinded.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Ducky should never be like this. Ducky should never be targeted like this. It was wrong! Tim walked forward and sat down beside the bed.

"Ducky?" he whispered.

No response. Tim felt his throat tighten.

"I'm...I'm really sorry...about this." The tears came again. He hadn't felt this much anguish since first seeing his father and knowing that he'd be paralyzed for the rest of his life. "It shouldn't have happened. You've got to be okay. You have to."

The EKG continued to beep quietly. There was no ventilator...which Tim guessed was a good thing.

He took one of Ducky's hands in his own, looked at the IV running out of his hand and back to a drip of something.

"Not fair. It's not fair. Ducky...it's not fair!"

The hand he was cradling tensed slightly and Tim looked at Ducky's face.

Ducky's eyes opened slightly. They moved around the room and then fastened on Tim. He smiled and squeezed Tim's hand.

"Hello, lad," he said softly.

Tim tried to smile, but the tears just wouldn't let him. Ducky reached out and patted Tim's shoulder.

"I'm all right, Timothy. Are you?"

"I'm...f-f-fine, Ducky. I'm fine," Tim said, but he couldn't keep it up and he dropped his head and started to sob. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about this. It's shouldn't have happened to you."

"Well, I should say not," Ducky said managing to infuse some humor into his weakened voice. "...but neither should it have happened to you."

Tim shook his head. "He was only shooting at you to get me."

"True, but since he is a vicious killer, we will not use his actions to determine who deserves what."

Tim managed to laugh through his tears.

"You hear me, Timothy?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now...I think I will sleep some more. You should do the same."

Tim looked at Ducky, saw the concern in his eyes...and told the first lie to Ducky that he had in months.

"Okay...I'm going to stick around here for a bit and then I'll sleep."

...and it was probably only the pain killers and his injury that had Ducky accepting Tim's statement with a weary nod. He closed his eyes and was asleep in seconds.

Tim looked at him and felt something different inside him. He wasn't tired. He didn't want to sleep.

...but he was feeling angry, angry that someone had decided to injure this wonderful man for what Tim had done. Tony had wanted him to get mad, but while Tim had felt frustrated and afraid, he hadn't really been angry. Now, he was starting to feel mad. In fact, he started to shake he was so upset. He just sat there, the helpless fury building inside him.

Ducky slept, seemed peaceful even, but Tim sat for an unknown period getting more and more upset and angry about what had happened...at the fact that it kept happening.

The door opened behind him, but he didn't move. If it was one of the team, he didn't want to see them. If it was someone coming to finish the job, he didn't really care. If it was anyone else, they were harmless and didn't matter.

No reason to turn around.

"Tim?"

It was Abby.

"How's Ducky doing?"

Like he'd been struck by lightning, thoughts surged through his mind. Abby...NCIS...Collier...investigation...

Tim turned quickly and looked at Abby and was surprised when she actually stepped back a bit.

"Tim, what's wrong?"

"Abby...I need...I need to go to NCIS."

"What? Why?"

"I need to go. I need to find where he is. Why haven't you found him yet?"

"Who?"

"Collier!" Tim said. "We know it's him! We know why! We know who! Why can't you find him and stop him?"

"Tim, we're trying! We don't have any evidence tying him to those drug dealers. We don't. Don't you think we've been trying to find them and stop them?"

Tim shook his head. "Take me to NCIS."

"Why, Tim?"

"So I can find him."

"Tim..." Abby said and was actually at a loss for words for a few seconds. "Tim...you're...you're not working there anymore. The case...what if it compromises the case?"

"I'm a consultant. You can be right there."

"What about Ducky?"

Tim looked back over his shoulder. "He's safer without me here. They said he'd be fine. He needs to sleep anyway. Please, take me to NCIS."

Abby was weakening. Tim could see it in her eyes. She wanted to, but she wasn't sure she should. Tim knew she shouldn't, but he didn't care. He had a focus for his rage. He had a target, and he needed to find it and stop it.

"Please, Abby. I'll beg if I have to."

Abby looked away from him for a moment.

"We can take the sedan. It's here. They don't know where to take me anyway. NCIS is probably the safest place for me."

There it was. Tim knew he'd won before Abby nodded reluctantly. NCIS as a place of safety. That had convinced her.

"Okay...okay, Tim. I'll take you to NCIS."

"Good." Tim paused for a moment as he stood up. He looked at Ducky and remembered coming to his house in a daze with only one thought in his head: Ducky would keep him safe.

...and Ducky always had.

Tim leaned over and whispered, "I knew you could save me, Ducky. That's why I came to you that day. The part of me that wanted to be saved...that part knew that you would save me. I always knew."

Then, he turned around.

"Let's go."

Abby nodded and they left the room together.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The ride to NCIS was tense, but again, uneventful. Abby was very tense as she drove. Tim wasn't. He knew they'd make it. ...and they did. Abby parked and they went inside, down to her lab.

"Show me what you've already done."

"Tim, I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Show me!" Tim demanded angrily.

Abby flinched.

"Okay. Everything Collier had in his house was torched. There was a laptop but it's melted. I've been trying to see if I can get anything off it. No luck so far. There was no evidence of money being stashed in the house. He must have an account somewhere, but we don't know where it is. We've been watching his phone, his credit cards. We've got a BOLO out on him, but no hits. We're doing what we can."

Tim nodded and sat down at the computer. For just a moment, it was like no time had passed. He was getting ready to work his computing magic and find what needed to be found even if they didn't have anything to tell them where to go.

"Tim!"

He looked at her.

"We need to stop him, Abby. Before he can kill anyone else. We need to stop him. Ducky could have died today and all he was trying to do was draw me out. He wasn't trying to kill Ducky."

"How do you know?"

"Because he doesn't kill when he doesn't think it's necessary," Tim said. "He tried to mug me once. He was watching me. He followed me around. ...but he never killed until...until Lance Corporal Smythe, and there was a reason for that." The thought make him ill, but he pressed on. "They were trying to discredit me as a witness, as the investigator. All the evidence I gathered would be suspect if I was accused of murder. They could play on my mental breakdown. So there was a reason. Then, when it became clear that I wasn't a suspect, that it had failed, that they were on to him...then...then, I was a target. It won't get rid of the evidence, but it will put the case on shakier ground because I'm the one who gathered it all and they wouldn't have anyone to stand up and interpret it all. Now, he wanted to draw me out, and he knew..." Tim felt his lower lip shake and he strove to stop it. "...he knew who would be the one that could get me putting myself in the open. He knew...and if...if Z-Ziva hadn't been there to stop me, I'd be dead, because it would have worked. He wasn't trying to kill Ducky. He was trying to kill me. Ducky was just the means to an end. We can't let that happen anymore."

Abby didn't answer him directly. Instead, she stepped close to him and hugged him tightly. Tim couldn't bring himself to hug her back, but after a few seconds, she let him go...and turned him toward the computer.

"Go for it, Tim. Find him if you can."

Tim nodded and plunged into the world of electronics, of internet connections...and bank accounts. Someone had to be paying Collier...and there weren't too many people on the list.

I'll find you, Tim promised silently. You won't hide from me forever.