WARNING: (My sister told me to put this after I made her read it.) TISSUES ARE RECOMMENDED TO BE KEPT AT YOUR SIDE WHILE READING THIS. FEELS WILL BE EXPERIENCED
Winter Fashion Show
December 15th, 2012 had perfect whether for a fashion show even though it was inside. The sun was shining as it began to set, the snow twinkled in the light, and the winter chill was so light walking around in a hoodie was probably fine, but I didn't chance that. I had arrived at the the site of the fashion show with Maia and Jordan who were chatting merrily like the event ahead of us was nothing. I had already convinced myself it was simple, and it was, but that didn't stop the fact that hundreds upon thousands of people were going to be attending.
The Portal Theater, a grand structure used for political events, and concerts. Jace and I had come here many times when we were kids, and thought it would be cool to go to hard rock concerts, but when we became fifteen we realized that we were being stupid. We didn't even like the music. As I followed the couple inside I checked out the large number of the staff that was setting up the chairs and V.I.P. section for investors, and the sheer number was intimidating. In only a few short hours there place would packed to see Magnus' amazing creations.
When I had given Izzy the tickets for everyone she had asked how many outfits I would be wearing and it threw me off. Every model was only wearing one outfit in the show, and when I told my sister she looked confused saying, "Warlock's designer is so strange." I held back the choked laugh that wanted to come out then. It was true, Magnus was strange, but that's what I liked. He wasn't afraid to be different, he was himself. I envied that part of him. I wanted to be like that. Admit everything that I was keeping hidden. Announce to my parents that I was dating Magnus Bane with a proud smile. That wasn't going to happen. I had no backbone when it came to the topic of my sexuality.
I'm so pathetically lame.
Once we were back stage of the runway I was separated from my friends because they were one of the first ones to appear in the show. I was taken to a darkly lit room where I was subjected to an attacking from hair and makeup artists that would not let me go until they were finished. When I was finally released I could hear the music playing out in the other room where a voice was announcing Magnus' collection, "Bluer Than Blue."
As I rejoined the other models I was once again pounced on, this time it was Storm. She was already dressed in a formal dress with a puffy skirt. The bodice was almost shaped like a tear drop, with dozens of blue gems lining the collar that were different shades of blue; from aqua to navy. The material looked like a mix of silk and mesh giving it a texture look. The skirt flounced as she moved. It was like it was made with her in mind.
"Jesus, Alec go get dressed. This way." She urged as she pushed me towards a rack of clothing that was being monitored by a set of slightly familiar seamstresses from the Warlock. "Outfit 32." Storm told them and I looked at her confused.
"But I'm 24." I reminded her, but she just smiled as she skipped away to the line of waiting models.
"Here." One of the women said handing me a garment bag.
I took it and got changed, careful not to mess up my hair that had fifteen minutes worth of effort put into it. The outfit was not the jeans and sweater I had come accustomed to, instead it was a pair of tight black skinny jeans with a dark blue plaid pattern, and a button down shirt the color of midnight with an intricate design of -I think was- an eye who's iris was a pure blue color that stood off center of the shirt. I looked at myself in one of the many scattered mirrors backstage and thought the eye looked angry, or many more sad. The emotion it held was like how I felt, exactly how I felt.
"You Alec?" Asked a staff person and I nearly jumped away from the mirror. The tears that had been threatening to make an appearance were forced back as I nodded, unsure if I was able to speak.
The person handed me a pair of black boots and ordered me to put them on. I did without a word.
My heart was drumming in my chest and I realized it was almost my time to go on stage. As I approached the line someone grabbed my arm and stopped me. I missed my Que. I had ruined everything. Magnus would never forgive me now!
"Relax Boy." I turned to see Scott with a teasing smile. I just glared at him. "Your slot got moved. You've become the last to go on. Don't forget to smile." He said pulling me to the end of the line.
The annoying monocle man was gone before I could say anything. What was this sudden last minute change? Why wasn't I told sooner. Holy CRAP. I'm closing the show! As the lined moved my stomach did unsettling flips.
"Alec this is for Magnus." The voice in my head say weakly. "This is your chance to put those unsettled feelings aside. You can prove it now. He's in the audience, remember." It said and I inwardly nodded. Magnus was in the audience. All of Warlock had been talking about Magnus' weird habit of never being backstage during his show. He would sit in the crowd watching the gather people's expressions as they looked at his clothes. His secret as designer allowed him to sit without any worries of being bothered and to enjoy his hard work.
Before I knew it it was my turn. I saw Maia and Jordan off to the side with the other models that had already went waiting for the group walk out, they gave me reassuring smiles. They didn't really help but I did my best to smile back. My heart want to sprint out of my chest and go home where it could die in peace. I forced myself past the the curtains though.
For a moment I was blinded by the bright lights. I just stared off into space like it would make me disappear. It felt like years later before my legs began moving carrying me down the long long runway that seemed to have no end. My eyes searched the crowd for I don't know what but I found it, no them. Those eyes that I had come to know better than my own. Their green depths gleaming in the flashing lights, and I felt a half smile rearrange my features. It was small but there. It was the best I could do.
"Alec it's now or never." The voice said and the butterflies in my stomach turned to acid.
I had made up my mind, and I was going to see it through for Magnus' sake. I held my body like I had been trained to do the last month and never looked away from Magnus. He was watching me. Really watching me, with wide eyes and his sarcastic smile that I had come to truly love. I hadn't seen him in so long that our distance now hurt almost as much as my decision.
I was nearing the end of the runway. Soon I wouldn't be able to Magnus anymore. Soon it would all be over. Soon, too soon. I had finally reached the end of the platform. My eyes had long since filled with tears, but I was doing my best to keep them from falling. As I looked at Magnus my body made the only pose that would accommodate the message I had to tell him. My hands slid into the pockets of the jeans, while my left leg cocked itself to the side as all my weight was placed on my right. I shrugged my shoulders as I tilted my head, and with all the feelings I had for Magnus I put into a smile. It felt broad and genuine. It was an honest smile. A smile of pain. Of love, and loneliness. Of hello, and friendship. A smile of goodbye. The smile was so broad it caused me to close my eyes which finally released the tears. Normally I would have felt like pathetic crying in public, but not this time. It felt right. And it was all for Magnus, there was no one who could tell me this was wrong.
The pose lasted for several long moments as people took photos and among the voices I could here many people comment about the emotional model. I didn't care. I opened my eyes to see Magnus looking startled, and it turned my racing heart into a jacket hammer that seemed to break at my rubs. I turned around as my stomach full of acidic butterflies became so knotted that I wasn't sure if I could ever undo it without scissors. The walk back up the runway went by even slower, as I wondered if I did well enough for Magnus. Or if I made a mess of the last outfit.
At last I was backstage again and I was patted on the shoulder by Storm. I looked at the beautiful woman with tear blurred eyes, but I could see the sympathetic smile on her face as she guided me to the end of the models again. We still had the final runway trip where we all go out with our outfits. The knots in my stomach only got worse as I realized I had to face Magnus again.
It was a blur. The lineup, the broken half smile, the steady trickle of tears, the applause, the arms hugging me backstage. I didn't know who it was until I was changed back into my clothes, and heading outside being lead by a strong hand. The sky was pitch black, no moon or stars, clouds had rolled in making the city look gloomy and eerie. I looked up when my hand was dropped to see Jace. I don't know who I had thought it would be, but it was still a surprise. . . Then again it wasn't.
"For the love of god Alec, why didn't you tell me? I had to hear it from Isabelle for fucks sake." He said as we stood in the back alley of Portal. We had wasted hours back here after concerts, and during father's political award dinner things. Sitting on the grey-green dumpster, throwing stones at the giant city rats, laughing like to stupid little kids.
"What?" I sniffled pulling up the collar of my jacket, hoping for some coverage from it. But this was Jace and of course there was no hiding from him.
"Why didn't you tell me you were gay?" Jace said slowly. His golden eyes alight with concern and love. He was my best friend, my brother, and I had been pushing him away. My stomach knot clenched and I wanted to throw up, but couldn't. "That you were so crazy in love with Bane that it made you cry? I thought we shared everything Alec." His voice broke at the end out of hurt. The sound sent a hundred more shards of glass into my already pierced heart turning it into a still beating lump of mince meat.
The tears flowed faster blinding me completely. "I'm sorry." I cried hoarsely like I hadn't used my voice in years. "I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want to lie. I'm sorry. So sorry."
The next thing I knew I was being hugged again. I was frozen, scared. Unsure of what was happening.
"You really are and idiot Alec. I could never hate you for something like that. Jeez you don't hate me for sticking with Clary even when I dump my problems on you." Jace said with a halfhearted chortle.
I was completely silent for a moment then I left out a sob as I wrapped my arms around my brother. Happiness coursing through me like sunshine. "Thank god." I cried out.
One of my greatest fears were for nothing. And I couldn't imagine anything else making my day better than having Jace accepting me for who I was, totally and completely.
When I finally calmed down Jace tried to talk about Magnus, but I just shook my head cutting off his words. "It's over, don't worry about." I said shoving my hands into my coat pockets.
"Alec-"
"Jace I'll tell you when I can. Okay?" I said with a small, very small, smile.
He let it go.
We began walking home when my phone went off. It was Izzy saying there was an after party and that we should join her. I told her we couldn't. Jace had said we could go home and pig out on ice cream while watching the crappy action movies we liked to watch when we wanted a pick-me-up. I was really looking forward to it.
Izzy was still out, and Jace had fallen asleep during our second movie with dried ice cream around his mouth like he was ten again. I was about to fall asleep too when my phone rang again. I figured it would be our sister asking for help home, but it wasn't and I had already opened my phone to read the message.
'The date is next Saturday. Meet me at Taki's.'
I tasted bile and longing in my throat as I closed my phone without replying.
Sorry Magnus I won't be going. I thought as I hide my phone between the couch cushions so I couldn't see it. I've already given the goodbye I could. There's nothing left to do.
OMG you guys have no idea how hard this chapter was to right. It hurt my physically to make it this sad and emotional. I'm pretty sure part of my soul died with the posting of this chapter. X.x
Leave a review if your keyboard isn't waterlogged with tears. (Now I'm just getting ahead of myself boosting my writing abilities.)
Next chapter is a Magnus POV and none of you will see what's coming. Then after that there will be the "date" which will flip back and forth between Magnus and Alec. Then two or three finale chapters tying up the lose ends, and a glimpse into the future.
Again leave a review and let me know your favorite chapter.
