No One Said Yoga
Yang drove around the area in the jet ski, looking for a way to get to main land. After minutes of searching, she switched to Michael.
"Michael again?" Ruby asked, bored of seeing Michael all the time.
"He does have missions for us, plus I can;t find a way out," Yang said. She switched to Michael, who was driving around in the downtown area. Yang marked the waypoint to Michael's and drove to his house. Yang exited the car once she reached the house and walked through the doors.
Did Somebody Say Yoga?
Time-skipped from day to night and Michael is seen sitting on his couch watching a movie in black and white. Michael is smoking a cigar and Amanda walked in and interrupted his movie.
Amanda: What is wrong with you, smoking in my house?
"You did even worse, you f-" Weiss was interrupted by Blake.
"Fucked the tennis coach in our bed, we get it," Blake finished.
Amanda: You know, ever since that psychotic pal of yours turned up, you've turned into an even bigger asshole.
"Try rappelling down a tall while getting shot at and we'll talk," Yang said.
"If it weren't for your sexual tensions with the tennis coach, we wouldn't be in debt with some crazy gang boss, we wouldn't have to rob the store, and Trevor wouldn't found out I was alive," Weiss said.
Michael: Thank you. Your support in my difficult times means the world to me.
Amanda: I've supported you. I left everything to come here with you, and still that crazy bastard turns up.
"It's not our fault, not trying to sounds like a broken record, you did caused the chain of events," Ruby said.
Michael: I'll handle it.
Amanda: How?
Michael: I don't know.
Amanda: Just keep him away from me and the children, you low life, whore-mongering asswipe.
"Thanks for your support, you should feel fortunate that Michael didn't snap and kill you all," Weiss said. Fabien walked in out of nowhere.
"Ten bucks say she fucks him next," Blake betted.
Fabien: Did someone say yoga?
"No one said yoga!" Ruby exclaimed.
Michael: No. I think she said… "Whore-mongering asswipe."
Amanda: Hello, Fabien, darling.
Fabien: Namaste, Amanda. Are we ready to practice?
Amanda: Yes.
Michael: Oh, yes, she's very centered, a regular oasis of peace and tranquillity this one. (Amanda to Fabien: Do you see what I live with?)
Amanda: A gorilla with anger issues and worse friends.
"Go fuck yourself, at least they got our backs," Yang said, flipping of Amanda.
Amanda: No wonder I'm so upset.
"We got a special little snowflake!" Weiss exclaimed sarcastically. Fabien interrupts the argument.
Fabien: You two… please.. namaste.
"Is that an Earth expression," Yang wondered.
"It could mean peace, the way Fabien uses it,"Ruby observed.
Fabien: We practice. Michael, join us, please.
Amanda: No. Please, no.
"If I have to do this, I swear to whatever high deity that exists I might break," Yang said.
Fabien: The yoga is for sharing. Come, Come. Michael, come.
Michael: Awesome.
Michael and others walk outside near the pool, where there are a few yoga place mats on the floor.
Michael: So fab, if you can make me as happy and mellow as my wife,
"Your wife is not mellow dude," Yang said.
Michael: it'll be a job well fucking done.
Fabien: We are on our own journeys, Michael.
Michael: Man, no doubt, so why is she driving a tank on hers?
Amanda was going to snap at Michael, but Fabien gestured to stop and Amanda took a deep breath.
Fabien: Perhaps to deal with your hostility, Michael. Now, here is have the sun and the murribunda… (smacks his own ass0 the asshole.
"Very mature," Weiss said sarcastically.
Fabien: Now, we being, and put the asshole to the earth.
Fabien Yes, we begin each sequence Tadasana… yes…or mountain pose.
Michael gets on a mat. Fabien forms a pose.
Fabien: Un… Deux … Trois. Mouth and anus are perfectly in line.
"This sounds like a big innuendo," Blake said
Fabien: Show him, Amanda…
Amanda does the same pose.
Amanda: Un… Deux… Trois…
Fabien: It is perfect. Now, Michael.
The game tells Yang how to do yoga.
"What the hell! I actually have to do it!" Yang exclaimed.
"That marks off yoga, all I need is mopping the floor and crane operating, and this game does a really good job on replicating the real world," Weiss said. Yang followed the instructions.
"Trevor! Franklin! Where are you?" Yang cried out. Yang held the analog sticks on a certain direction and pressed the trigger buttons to breath in and out. She continued to follow the instructions.
"Yoga isn't that bad," Blake said. Yang finished following the game's command and everyone stopped doing the pose.
Fabien: Now we're going to do something more complicated. Sometimes, when I do this pose, I weep uncontrollably for hours.
"That's perfectly normal," Weiss said sarcastically.
"Someone has issues," Ruby said. Fabien and Amanda flexed and did a pose where one is standing on one foot and has one leg and one arm facing upwards and one arm facing downward.
Amanda: Oh, wow.
Fabien: You feel that? The emotion inside? Let it go!
Amanda started to cry, or laugh I don't fucking know.
"She's probably either crying about having to live with Michael or laughing that she might leave him in the future," Blake said.
Fabien: Michel, join us.
Michael: Okay…
"We should do this!" Weiss exclaimed, "It would probably relax us a bit after all the stupid stuff we saw so far."
"I'm down," Blake said.
"Let me join too," Ruby added.
"I got to play this game, so I'll pass," Yang said. While Weiss, Ruby, and Blake followed the yoga instructions, Yang controlled Michael to do it. While trying to balance on one foot and one hand, Ruby loses her balance and falls to the floor. The others are trying to hold in their laughter, especially Weiss and Blake who are still maintaining the pose.
"It's hard..." Ruby cried.
"Ruby, you can slice a wolf in two in a blink of an eye, a simple yoga technique shouldn't be that challenging," Blake said. Ruby nodded to try to do it again, but failed. Weiss and Blake bursted into laughter, but to have them lose balance easily and fall down like Ruby. Michael finished off the yoga pose.
Michael: Yeah, I'm about to feel some emotions alright.
Fabien: Remember, children. Do not fear the unknown. We are the unknown.
"This whole planet is unknown," Weiss said.
"True that," everyone agreed.
Fabien: SHow us, Amanda.
Amanda: I don't think Michael's up to this.
Fabien: He may surprise you.
Amanda and Fabien bent down and touched their toes. Then they moved their legs back
Fabien: Plank.
Amanda: Plank.
Fabien: Chaturanga.
Amanda: Chatur... yaa...
Fabien: Feel the flow. Everything is flowing through me.
Fabien and Amanda got up.
Fabien: Mike. Would you?
Yang groaned as she did the pose and position. Weiss, Blake and Ruby did the position quite well, seeing no balance is required. Michael got up.
Fabien: You have come a long way today, Michael. Yes, later you will cry like a baby.
"We better go to therapy for that one," Blake said.
Michael: Yeah... Right.
Amanda: His chakras are completely blocked. Don't worry about him.
"Thanks for your support," Yang said sarcastically.
Fabien: SHow me the downward dog.
Amanda bent down and spread her legs.
"Oh, God," Weiss said.
Fabien: I'm glad we have helped with your impotence, Michael.
Michael: What'd you say?
"Calm down, you have issues, like everyone else, except Franklin," Blake said.
"Yeah, out of everyone, Franklin is the only normal person here," Weiss agreed.
Fabien: (Gets behind Amanda) Your sexual energies have been blocked for too long. Back into my pelvis.
"This guy is nothing but a big innuendo," Blake repeated.
Fabien: Back, back, back, yes...there you go. Hmm, it's very nice.
Amanda backed her butt into Fabien's pelvis.
"Whore!" Ruby exclaimed.
"Slut!" Weiss yelled.
"Cunt!" Blake added.
"Skank," Yang finished.
Michael: Oh! Oh! Oh! Hey, enough of that shit!
Michael tried to push Fabien, but dodged Michael and tripped him into the pool.
Fabien: Yoga is the answer, Michael. But what is the question?
"The question is why are you such a crazed sexual instructor?" Blake asked.
Michael: Err, why am I such a moron?
"You're not a moron Michael, it's not you, it's your fucking family that's giving you the stress," Weiss said.
Amanda: We are leaving and we are never coming back!
"Oh, we have a special snowflake here!" Yang exclaimed.
"Thank, God," Blake said.
Amanda: You are alone, you pathetic, psychopath.
"Thanks for the support, it's not like I had to repay debt to some crazed Mexican gang, do work for the FIB and go on a highway boat chase!" Ruby yelled.
Michael: Urh! Fuck You! And that phony French... fucking yogi.
"What's a French?" Yang asked.
"Someone from the country of France," Ruby said.
"How many countries are in Earth?" Blake asked.
"195."
"Damn, that's more than what we have here," Weiss said.
Michael gets out of the pool and the game tells Michael to go to Jimmy's room.
"Let's get rid of the entire family while we're at it," Yang said.
Michael: Jimmy, you still here? James!
Jimmy: Go away! Oh yeah, fuck you! You know what? If there was a rape button, I'd be using it right now.
"Very mature," Weiss rolled her eyes. Yang walked into Jimmy's room to see a new TV.
"Didn't we break the TV?" Ruby asked.
"Yes, I wonder where he got the money," Blake said.
Michael: Nicee TV, I pay for that?
Jimmy: Yeah, you smashed the other one, didn't you?
Michael: Alright, come on. I wanna go for a ride.
Jimmy: I gotta meet a friend.
"Wait, Jimmy has friends?" Yang asked.
Michael: ALright, so I'll go meet him with you. Come on, I wanna get out of the house, I'm not going alone.
Jimmy: Come on! This is fucking bullshit!
"Spoiled shit," Blake said.
Jimmy turns off the game and gets up. The two walked towards the front door.
Michael: Bullshit? Threatening to molest your online buddies is bulleshit.
Jimmy: They're not my buddies.
Michael: They're the only people you speak to.
"Can someone just burn this failure of a family?" Weiss wondered. Yang and Jimmy got in Michael's and she drove towards the next objective.
Michael: So, where's your friend?
Jimmy: Burger Shot.
Michael: Yeah, nice to see the kids are still hanging out at the burger joints. Me and the guys, we'd go down to the diner after class every day, you know, get milkshakes.. fries...
Jimmy: Ewwww. Please. You know, you're really creeping me out.
"How the hell is that creepy?" Ruby asked.
"It's just Jimmy being a piece of shit," Weiss said.
Michael: I'm trying to relate to you.
Jimmy: No, you're trying to take me on some nostalgia trip. You're such a cliche.
Michael: Oh! Says the dope-smoking,- game-playing, live-at-home, world-owes-him-a-living millennial.
Jimmy: I knew it! I knew it! The mask was gonna slip. The monster's been exposed!
Michael: The hell you talking about?
Jimmy: The real you! The bitter, vindictive old man. You pretend you're being a father, but you hate me don't you?
"We saved your stupid fatass from a boat speeding through highway!" Yang exclaimed.
Michael: I don't hate you, Jim. How many times? I love you.
Jimmy: You really have to meet my friend?
Yang parks the car in front of a Burger Shot employee in a parking lot.
Dealer: Yo.
Jimmy: Brother man, wassup.
Dealer: Good to see you. What, are you turning tricks to pay for this shit, huh? Hey, who's the old man?
Jimmy: That's my dad.
Dealer: Alright, Mr. De Santo.
"I can tell he's popular with the ladies," Ruby said sarcastically. The Dealer hands Jimmy some drugs.
Michael: Hey, you the kid selling Jimmy pot by the pound?
Dealer: Jimmy, bro, your dad's a funny, man.
"This guy is a total idiot," Weiss said.
Michael: Come on, do this shit and let's get going.
Jimmy: Oh yeah, you got that other thing?
Dealer: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The dealer walks into Burger Shot.
Michael: Come on, what the fuck? Jimmy!
Jimmy: Just hold on a second.
The dealer walks out with a cup.
Jimmy: Oh, alright. Alright later on.
Dealer: Careful with that.
Jimmy: Hey, let's bounce.
Michael: Bounce? We're bouncing now? Is that what we're doing? Jesus fucking Christ.
"Get with the times, Michael," Yang said. Yang drove out of the parking of Burger Shot and drove back to the house.
Michael: Alright then. Now what?
Jimmy: Can we just get back to the house, please?
"Alright, let's go home and try out your drugs," Blake said.
Jimmy: So uhh, want a drink?
Michael: I'm driving.
Jimmy: Because normally you're such a between-the-white-lines, friend to the pedestrian" kind of guy.
Michael: Fine, give it here.
"What did Jimmy get anyways? A milkshake or something like that?" Ruby wondered. Michael took a large sip from the cup and the screen goes weird.
Michael: Okay, you're turn.
"There's drugs on the drink? Jimmy needs rehab, badly," Yang said.
Jimmy: Maybe when we get home.
"Pussy!" Ruby yelled.
Michael: Ahhh, who's the square now?
Michael's voice got very deep and the screen started glaring up.
Michael: I'm starting to feel a little woozy.
"Goddammit Jim," Weiss said.
Jimmy: You're fine.
"No he isn't Jimmy, you drugged us!" Ruby exclaimed.
Michael: No. Really, this is not normal.
Jimmy: Chill out. You're just paranoid.
Michael: This is not paranoia. This is totally justified concern. I gotta stop. What was in that thing?
Jimmy: It's harmless. Vets have been using it for decades.
Michael: What you anesthetized me, you fucking shit?
"You piece of shit," Blake said.
"Scum," Blake added.
Jimmy: I'm protecting you from yourself. Also, I took money from your bank account and I'm moving out, alright?
Michael: What?
Jimmy: You're to crazy, Dad. Bye!
Michael: Jimmy!
Jimmy pushes Michael off his car and got on the driver's seat. He closed the door and drove off. Michael is seen being dragged across the ground. Michael wakes up and saw a monkey on top of a dumpster. Michael gets up and sees himself surrounded by monkeys..
"Whatever he took, it must've been one hell of a drug," Yang said. Michael gets knocked out and a light beams over him and he is pulled into an alien saucer. Michael is seen lying down and aliens observe him.
"It must be very scary for Michael right now," Ruby said.
"I feel bad for him, he tries his best for his family, but his family gives him shit for it," Weiss said.
"So are they going to probe his ass or what?" Blake wondered. Michael is dropped out of the saucer and he falls into the city. Everything got really flashy even though it's nighttime. Some music plays in the background and Yang controlled Michael.
"Damn, Jimmy, you're such an ass," Yang said. Yang landed onto a tall building and everything went black Michael is seen on a open field in his underwear. He gets up and throws up. In the distance, there's a bike leaning on the wall.
Michael: Jimmy, you little shit.
Yang got on a bike and started to pedal to Michael's house, which isn't far. Michael is still wobbly from the drugs he took and is going very slow. Yang pedalled through the frontdoor of the house.
Michael: Hello? Hey! I'm home!
Yang got off the bike and walked to the kitchen, where there is a note written on the counter.
Michael: (Reading the letter) Michael... I think you've finally lost your mind.
"Why thank you, without your support, we would never lost it," Blake said.
Michael: (Reading the letter) Your recent behavior and the company you've been keeping already had me very concerned.
"It's not like we asked for Trevor, alright? He just came out of nowhere and the FIB is forcing us to do random jobs for them," Weiss said.
"Franklin seems to be an alright guy to have around," Blake said.
Michael: (Reading the letter) Now you've taken to attacking my Fabien, ("Who you're sex with secretly," Ruby said) who is a close friend and then Jimmy said you took drugs while driving him in your car.
"Actually, he drugged us, that little shit," Yang said.
Michael: (Reading the letter) We've decided to move out for a while. (Thanks God," Weiss said in relief) You promised me you'd change and you haven't changed a bit. I know you say I always act like I'm in a movie, well this isn't that. I think I'm gonna speak to a lawyer.
"That's even better," Blake added.
Michael: (Reading the letter) I'm just really confused. Please don't try to contact us and try not to get yourself killed. Amanda.
"Praise the sun!" Ruby exclaimed.
"I never thought I see the day," Blake cried in joy.
Michael: Fuck!
Mission Passed!
Silver
Michael is seen outside, sitting in the front doorsteps of his house.
"We finally scared them away!" Yang exclaimed.
Author's Note:
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if it took so long too. Don't forget to vote for Assassin's Creed 2 or Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix for the next RWBY Let's Plays. Contributors for this chapters are: FredFuchs86.
