A/N Hey all! Happy almost New Year! Sorry I didn't post this earlier in the week. I kinda went on mental vacay for the past few days since I got home, just shut down and didn't touch the computer or anything else. It was all Hallmark movies and reading, really. And it felt good to decompress for part of my vacation. I did start the shopping trip outtake yesterday and hope to finish it today, if this slight headache allows me to write. We shall see!
I hope everyone had awesome holidays! Mine were quiet, but good. I posted a pic on FB of the art set my parents got me that is WAY too advanced for my remedial skills (I use skills facetiously, I really have none). But it'll be fun to play with paints and pencils and such. It was a really cool gift, regardless. I'm enjoying trying new stuff the older I get, I guess!
Thanks for all the love for the last couple of chapters! I know they were doozies and big reveals. Not many secrets remain :) I have zero plans for New Year's Eve and likely will be asleep before the ball drops, but I hope some of you have more exciting happenings planned. And regardless, I hope 2019 is a good year for us all! Happy reading and I'll see you in 2019!
To All the Boys Chapter 23
Even though Alice was supposed to be in trouble, I sent her over to Lauren's to hang out for the day. Dad was working another overtime shift, and Edward and I were going to have the house to ourselves. That fact made the butterflies start up in my stomach, but they were welcome this time.
Edward and I had spent a little time alone in his bedroom but always with his mother and often Alice in the house. So we hadn't gone very far, just some kissing and maybe a little over-the-clothes thrusting and such. Today, there'd be nobody to interrupt us. It was exciting and scary at the same time.
I wasn't sure that I was ready to go all the way with Edward or anything. It was too early for that, I thought. I really wished Rose was here to talk to about things. I wanted to call her, but I didn't really have time, plus who knew what she was doing right now? It sucked.
A glance at my phone showed that I had about ten minutes or so before Edward should be here, so I hit my Facebook app and smiled when the first thing I saw was a picture of Edward and me dancing, posted by Angela and tagged to me. The way he looked at me! And the way I looked back at him… How had I not known he loved me? It was right there in his face. And needless to say, I looked at him the same way I used to look at Jake Ryan.
And maybe Rose was thousands of miles away, but she still managed to reach out in her own way, I noticed. She'd loved the picture and left a comment.
OMG! You look so beautiful! When did my little sister get so grown up? You're such a gorgeous couple. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see you looking so happy and in love! Edward Cullen, if you're reading this, you treat my sister well or you'll have me to answer to.
Angela had already replied to that.
Girl, you have nothing to worry about! You know I have Bella's back. Plus, the guy is crazy about her! They're totally relationship goals right now. Benjamin Cheney, watch what Edward Cullen does and do the same for me!
I laughed at Ang calling out and tagging her boyfriend to make sure he knew the standards he needed to achieve. As if anyone could top Edward. Ever.
I hit reply to respond to my sister.
Thanks! I had very little to do with how I looked. Edward and Alice picked out the dress and shoes, and Edward's mom took care of the makeup and hair. Edward treats me amazingly well, so well that it almost doesn't feel real sometimes.
I snickered at my comment. Edward and I were the only two who would know what that meant.
But it is real, and I'm so very lucky to have someone like Edward love me. Any other boys (sorry Ben) would have a hard time living up to him. Miss you and wish you were here to tell all about it!
There. I saved a copy of the picture and shut down my app just as the knock on the door sounded. Phew. The butterflies started swarming then, but I took a deep breath and headed to let Edward in.
He stood in the doorway, looking so effortlessly handsome in jeans and a blue sweater. The smile on his face widened when he saw me, and he held out a single red rose. Dear Lord, the boy didn't miss any tricks, did he?
I took the rose he held out, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss.
"Thank you. What is this for?"
Edward shrugged as he stepped into the house. "Things officially changed last night. I thought I should commemorate it somehow."
He was too cute and sweet. I gestured to him to follow me into the kitchen as I got out the vase he'd given me for my birthday and put water and the bud inside.
When I turned, he was watching me with that same look he had last night, a mix of love and happiness and maybe even some awe on his gorgeous face. That look gave me the strength to be brave.
"Let's put this in my room."
I kicked off my shoes, and Edward followed suit. He held out a hand, and I took it, leading him to the stairs. We walked up together, and I pointed out the rooms. "That's Dad's room. Rose's room. Ali's pink monstrosity there." He laughed. "The bathroom." And, here we go. "My room."
He gestured toward my bedroom with his hand, so I went in first, setting the vase and flower on my desk.
I turned, and he was standing just in the doorway, looking around, checking out my space.
"It's not much…" I started but broke off when he shook his head.
"It's great. Very much you."
I glanced around, unsure what he meant by that. I'd straightened up some after my shower, not wanting to invite him into a pigsty. Or to have him see a bra or underwear sticking out from under the bed or something else embarrassing.
"How so?" I asked.
He smiled. "Purple walls. Books everywhere. Funky pictures and paintings, I presume done by Angela." He had that right for sure. "Pictures of your sisters, your parents… All the things that matter to you are right here."
I smiled at that. "As soon as we get those Homecoming pictures back, I'll add a couple of us."
He came over then, and wrapped his arms around me. "I'd like that."
I leaned into him. "Me, too."
His gaze went to my nightstand. "Is that the box?" he asked.
"Yeah." I don't know why, but I felt nervous as I walked over and picked it up. "Alice put your notes in there." I flipped open the top and let him see them all.
Edward smiled softly. "I'm glad she saved them."
I felt tears in my eyes as I turned back to him. "I am, too. It was stupid of me not to read them."
He shook his head, taking the box and setting it back down before pulling me close. "No. I get why you didn't. I was doing it solely to make Tanya jealous at first. I don't blame you for not looking at them, when you didn't think they were about you." He brushed my hair out of my eyes. "They should have been about you from the start."
No. I wasn't about to regret how we came to be. "You didn't know me at the start of all this. It means more that you go to know me and liked what you saw."
"Loved what I saw," he corrected, bending down to brush my lips with his. "Did you read them all?"
I laughed and shook my head. "No. I figured I'd save some so I didn't overdose on the sweetness."
He chuckled. "Probably a good plan. I wouldn't want you fainting again."
"Hey!"
I shoved him, which probably wouldn't have done anything if he didn't want it to, but since he clearly did, he fell onto my bed, bringing me with him. Well, then. Thank you, Edward, for making it easy on me to get you into my bed.
"Hey, yourself." He grinned up at me, looking quite thrilled with himself, but since I was equally thrilled, I just leaned forward and kissed him.
We went from laughter to heat pretty darn quickly. His arms tightened around me, and my hands found their home away from home in his hair. Mouths opened, tongues stroked, and bodies moved against each other, trying to get closer.
Edward's hands slid down, ghosting over my butt, which made me push into him more. That encouraged him to just grab my cheeks, and he pushed up, grinding into me, and he was hard and hot, and oh my God, this was really happening.
I pulled back, looking down into hazy green eyes and a satisfied smile.
"Hot," he murmured, reaching up to tuck my hair behind my right ear.
"Very." Too hot? Too soon? I didn't know, but my body felt like it was throbbing everywhere.
"Hey."
I shook my head and focused back on Edward. "Hmm?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
He smiled and somehow scooted up so that he was now leaning against the headboard and I was still plastered on top of him.
"What was that for?" I asked, curious as to why he'd moved us.
Edward studied my face. "I just want to be careful not to push you. I know you've never…" He broke off. "And I also wanted to be sure you weren't mad at me."
Mad at him? Why would I possibly be mad at him? Except maybe for not kissing me some more.
"Why would I be mad at you?"
He reached over and picked up the box again. "For not telling you when I realized that Alice was the one who sent the letters."
Ah. I wasn't mad at him for that, but I had to admit, I wanted to hear more from him about it.
"Why didn't you?"
He gave a little shrug. "First, I didn't think it mattered anymore. You haven't mentioned it in a long time, and well, it all worked out anyway, right?"
I grinned at that. "In the best possible way."
He smiled back. "So I didn't think it mattered, and I knew Alice didn't do it to hurt you. She explained her reasoning, and it was, well, really cute if I'm being honest. She just wanted you to have a boyfriend and be happy."
It was cute. Adorable, really. And it was cute that he thought it was cute.
"I told her I wouldn't tell but that she had to, especially about taking the notes I'd written you and keeping them." He smirked. "I was a little less understanding about that. I gave her a deadline of the week after the dance. I guess she took that seriously."
I had to laugh. "She did. And I'm not mad at you for keeping her secret. Honestly, I think it's really sweet the way the two of you get along. I don't think many boyfriends would be so cool with a ten-year-old hanging out with us so often."
"Cat's cool," he said. "A little nosy, maybe, but she's a good kid and she loves you a whole lot. That's something I can relate to."
God. Would I feel like I'd been given the world every time he said it? It was amazing how good he made me feel.
"I'm glad you can."
Edward shifted me over so that I was now on my side, using his right arm as a pillow and looking over at him.
"There were a few of these that I wish she hadn't read."
Oh, really? "Like what?"
He chuckled as he started to go through the notes, groaning when he found one of them.
"Like this: I don't think I ever told you this, but you were my first kiss as well. I have to say that our kisses now blow that one out of the park, but at the time, I got a little too excited, if you catch my drift! And I had to sit back in that circle with a hard-on, feeling like all eyes were on me. Hey, maybe that's why Tanya hates you so much. She knows you turned me on way before she ever did."
Oh. My. God. I started laughing so hard I was crying, tears streaming down my face as I imagined little Alice reading those words. Shit. I should probably have a talk with her about these things. That wasn't nearly as funny.
Edward rolled over so he was on top of me, shaking his head at my mirth.
"You can clearly see why I hope that was one of the ones she didn't read."
I managed to catch my breath after a few more laughs and giggles. "Yeah. But…" And I was off again, and he was laughing with me, which vibrated from his body into mine, and that felt really good.
When we finally calmed down again, I looked at his perfect face. "Did I really turn you on?" I mean, I had to know.
Edward laughed and kissed my nose. "Hello, I was almost thirteen. Of course a kiss from a pretty girl turned me on."
Ha! If only I'd knew that back then. Well, it probably would have scared me, if I was being honest. But it would have made me proud, too, because I sure was now.
"Why do you look like you just won the Super Bowl?" Edward asked, smiling down at me, his hair falling down over his eyes.
I reached up to brush it back, once again loving how soft that auburn mess was. "Because I like that I turned you on."
The grin widened. "You say that as if it's past tense. I've been a walking hard-on for the better part of the past month thanks to you, Swan."
He had? I mean, he had! How great was that? "Really?"
He shifted, and then I felt…whoa. "Does that answer your question?"
Oh, yeah. In the best possible way. Well, maybe not the best best, but as close as I'd ever gotten. So far, anyway.
"You look like you like that," Edward said, and I felt my cheeks heating. He brushed his thumb along my right one, smiling at me.
"Don't be embarrassed, Bella. It's a very good thing."
God, I hoped so. It felt like my entire body was humming for him.
"This feels good," I told him, and I swear he got an almost predatory look in his eyes, just like my books always talked about.
"Yeah? What about this?" He thrust against me, his midsection hitting mine in just the right spot, and oh boy. Yes!
"Really good," I managed as he reached down and lifted my left leg up over his butt. His body fit even better with mine, and I let out a moan as he moved again.
"Do you want me to make you feel even better?" he asked, watching me closely.
What was he asking? Did he want… "Do you mean sex?" I asked, my voice cracking a little on the last word. Jeez.. How embarrassing.
Edward just shook his head. "Not right now."
Oh. Damn.
My face must have fallen, because he cupped my cheek. "I mean, I want to, Bella. I really, really do. I just know you haven't had sex yet, and it should probably be more special than just the day after the dance."
I knew he had a point. And I wasn't exactly ready. But... "It's also the day after you told me you loved me for the first time."
Edward grinned at me. "Which was an amazing time. I just don't want to have half an ear listening for angry fathers or snoopy little sisters the entire time."
Entire time? "How long does it take?" I blurted, cringing that the words had actually come out of my mouth. But, I mean, he was a teenage boy, right? Then again, he probably had a lot of experience to my none, thanks to Tanya the whore. Shit. He was right. We couldn't do it today. I needed to watch some porn or something, learn some stuff beyond what I'd read in books. Those could only give so much detail.
Edward managed not to laugh at my idiocy, although I could totally tell that he was holding back. His lips twitched and he kinda sucked them in to keep from letting it all out. It was okay. I deserved laughter for that one.
"Bella, I'll be happy to show you just how long it can take when we get to that point. We've only been together for a month, and in your mind, we only really got together yesterday."
He grinned when I sighed, because I was dumb. All that time wasted when I could have been working up to sexy times with Edward. Now we were behind, thanks to me.
"It was before yesterday. Plus, I just thought… We're alone. We love each other. We don't get this time often."
He smiled and kissed me lightly. "You're right. And I want to take advantage of it. Will you let me make you feel good?"
That was a crazy question. "Of course."
"Good."
His lips were on mine then, and the thrusting started, and oh yes, there were the tingles. Tingles that were heating up every part of me as Edward's lips moved down to my jaw and then my neck. He kept thrusting against me, hitting some part of me that seemed to be connected to every other part. I raised my other leg, wrapping around him as best as I could. We had two pairs of jeans between us, but it felt really good, his zipper hitting against mine and pushing back on me.
"Can I see you?" Edward asked as his lips moved ever lower, down below my collarbones, pushing my sweater down with his chin.
Could he? He probably should if we were ever going to get to the sex thing. "Yes."
I watched as he lifted up, sitting between my legs. He reached down, and I braced myself to be revealed, but much to my utter delight, it was his sweater that came off. And oh boy, was he a sight to see. He was lean, which I knew, but there was definition there from his football playing. He didn't have some six-pack thing, but I could see abs and a little hair that led down to where his jeans were. A happy trail I remembered my books called it.
Edward smiled as I looked at him, admiring his fading summer tan. He definitely had more color than I did, not that that was a difficult thing. The sun and I did not mix often, which Edward was apparently about to see, because he reached back down and up came my sweater. I pulled my arms above my head and let him take it off, leaving me in only the teal-green bra I'd put on with this in mind after texting him to come over.
"Beautiful," Edward murmured before lowering himself back on top of me. Now I felt his skin on mine, and heaven couldn't possibly feel better than this did.
We kissed and moved some more, and before I knew it, his hands were on my breasts, gliding over the satin before he slipped one inside and rubbed his thumb over my nipple. I gasped into his mouth and he pulled back.
"You like that? Do you want more?"
Words escaped me, so I could only nod. Edward slid my straps down my shoulders, his fingers moving slowly, touching my skin the whole way, and leaving goosebumps in their wake. I felt those couple of fingers all the way down to my toes,. Then he traced lightly over the top of the cups, before reaching between and flipping open the clasp, his eyes on me to see if what he was doing was okay.
And it was. It more than was, really, especially when he smiled that sweet smile as he peeled it off me. He looked then, and I watched as he licked his lips, which I felt right in my middle. Would he do that there one day? Would I want him to? I mean, I was pretty sure I did, but maybe I should research that along with…
"Oh!" Hot, wet lips were on my right nipple and holy crap, did it feel amazing. My hands flew into Edward's hair, tugging on it as his tongue and, oh my God, his teeth pulled and scraped and sucked gently.
Then his mouth moved over to the other, and oh yeah, just as good and perfect. I was moaning and tugging and moving underneath him, my body trying to get to something that seemed just out of reach. What more could I possibly need?
Edward moved then, his lips on my stomach. He looked up at me, smiling against my skin, and he licked and kissed and sucked some more. His hands were, God, his hands were at the button of my jeans.
"Can I?" he asked, and I was nodding before those two simple words were even finished. He flipped open the button, and then down came my zipper.
I started to arch up, to help him get my jeans off, but he stilled me. "Just this, for now," he murmured.
What? But…oh! Oh my. Long finger slid inside my jeans, rubbing up and down the satin underwear, touching me exactly where my entire being was screaming for me to be touched.
Then, a shift, a slip, and two warm fingers came in contact with my wet warmth, and nothing ever felt better than this. Every new touch seemed to be better than the last, but this, this pressing and rolling and flicking was everything.
My eyes slammed shut and my hands formed fists in my comforter, holding on because it felt like my entire body was floating away as Edward touched me, moving up and down and then in circles and I was seeing stars and then one of those long perfect fingers actually was inside me and I came apart.
I don't know how long I thrashed and arched and fell apart under Edward. Eventually his finger-his glorious, perfect finger-slid out of me and I opened my eyes to see him hovering above me.
"Was that an orgasm?" I asked, because apparently I asked dumb questions that I already knew the answer to when I lost control of my body. Loss of body control; loss of brain control. Orgasms were powerful things.
"Yes," he told me, looking very amused. I couldn't blame him though.
"Why on earth did I wait this long to have one?" I asked him, truly baffled by this.
I mean, Angela had told me sex stuff felt good and was fun, but I didn't know it felt that good. Had I known, I'd have found a way to have one before this. Then again, that would mean that Edward wouldn't have been involved, and that would have been a travesty. And I didn't want anyone other than him, so I'd have to do it myself. And I knew I wouldn't be nearly as good at it as he was. That just wasn't possible.
"Because you were waiting for me, I hope," he murmured before leaning down to kiss me again.
Yes. That was right. I melted into him. So good.
Eventually, Edward pulled back and rolled over to the side. I turned so I was facing him, because he was beautiful and he'd just given me an amazing orgasm and everything.
"Thank you," I told him, which made him chuckle quietly. What? Shouldn't I thank him for blowing my mind?
"You don't have to thank me, baby. It was my pleasure."
But it wasn't. Because I hadn't done anything for him and he was probably hard from having a half-naked girl moaning like a porn star underneath him. I was so selfish.
I reached forward and pushed, making Edward turn onto his back. "What are you doing?" he asked as I climbed above him, straddling his waist.
"You made me feel good. Now it's your turn." And really, I needed to get my hands on him. I put them on his pecs and started rubbing and squeezing, likely not nearly as well as he had, but I was going to learn.
"I don't need a turn," he murmured, but he let out a groan when I bent forward and kissed his neck.
I felt like I had a good handle on this part, and kissing and licking his sexy chest was not a problem whatsoever. His muscles bunched underneath my hands and mouth, and it was fun to feel the power that came with having a gorgeous boy at my mercy.
I got to his jeans button and took a deep breath before opening it and the zipper. I was a lot less sure here, so I looked up and found his beautiful eyes watching me intently.
"Show me how to touch you."
He groaned. "That's so fucking hot," he said before his right hand came down to grip mine. Together we eased his jeans down a little and reached inside his boxers, and he closed my fingers around him. He, it, I guess, was hard, but the skin around it was smooth and soft in a way, and it moved along with us, as our hands moved up and down, his guiding mine as he thrust up to meet it.
"A little harder," he instructed, so I tightened my grip a little and moved a little faster. His hand fell away, and it was just me. My hand went up and down, and I twisted a little like he'd done, and soon it was Edward's turn to come apart.
His teeth were gritted and his eyes closed as I felt a little wetness on my hand. He said my name before he stilled. Damn. Had I looked like that? From tense to completely relaxed and blissful? Probably. I'd felt that way.
I slipped my hand out of his boxers and reached over Edward to get a tissue and wipe my hand off. I smiled when I saw his eyes open.
He grinned and pulled me down, planting a big kiss on me.
"Thank you."
See? It was just a polite thing to say after someone rocked your world. And I, Bella Swan, had just rocked Edward Cullen's world, after he rocked mine of course. He was a good guy like that, taking care of me first.
"You're very welcome."
He laughed as he hugged me to him. "I love you."
Okay, maybe that was better than an orgasm. Just slightly, though, because orgasms were really amazing. I hoped to have a lot of them from here on out.
"I love you, too."
We lay there for a long time, just enjoying being together, skin to skin. I knew there was more to do, to explore before we actually went all the way to sex, but it was going to be a lot of fun to experience it, judging by today anyway.
Edward's hand played with the ends of my hair, and lightly touched my bare back. It felt so good. I could probably fall asleep to that feeling.
"Bella."
"Yeah?" I asked, meeting Edward's gaze.
"I don't want to upset you by saying this, but I feel like I need to make something clear to you."
Oh, shit. What?
"Hey." He touched my cheek. "It's nothing bad. I just wanted you to know that this, right here?"
I nodded for him to go on.
"It's the best experience I've ever had."
Oh. Oh! He was saying… "Being with me like that was better than Tanya? But you've had sex with her!"
Edward laughed. "So? I mean, I'm not going to lie and say I didn't enjoy it at the time."
I glared at him. "I would be fine with you lying about that."
He grinned, and he was impossible to get mad at, especially being half naked and sexy and stuff.
"I mean, it never felt this good or was this much fun. We laughed together. And you said crazy and amazing things. And I loved knowing I was the first guy to touch you like this, and the only one to see you like this. It was perfect." He shrugged. "That's what I was trying to say."
He was too cute for words. "I don't have anything to compare it to. And we both know that I hate that she's been with you, but I love that you think I'm better."
"You are better. In every way."
I remembered how I hoped to show him that there were better girls out there than Tanya. At the time, I'd had no idea that I would be that better girl, but I was really glad that I was. He was already the best for me, and I was going to be the best for him. Take that, Tanya. I'm the one for Edward. And he was the one for me.
