Happy Monday… Well as happy as any Monday can be!
Three updates this week, and a couple before Christmas and once the holidays are over we will continue and finish with the story, yes?
My ladies… thank you. For everything. Midnight – please feel better.
Thank you for reading, for reviewing and your support. Awaken was 4th in the Lemonade Stand and also placed 1st in the notebook blog poll. How utterly amazing is that! Quite overwhelming. Thank you for voting.
And we continue…
As we had approached the guest house the door flew open and Bella came barrelling out and launched herself at me. I caught her happily.
I sighed softly. I was home.
"Edward," Bella's voice was urgent in my ear. "Are you alright?"
Setting her down, I cupped her face and kissed her softly. "I'm fine Little One."
I realized she was shaking. I pulled her back into my arms. "Bella? What's wrong?"
"I was so worried. We were sitting and talking and suddenly both Emmett and Carlisle's cell phones made some strange noise and they both left quickly. I knew it had to do with you. I knew something was wrong."
Her fear of something happening to me was moving. But I didn't like to feel how upset she was. I kept my voice calm and soothing. "No, I'm fine. Really. I just needed some…backup."
"Backup?" her voice was confused.
"I'll explain it after. When we're alone. I promise." I kissed her softly after each sentence.
"Okay… but I'm holding you to that."
"I'm sure you will," I kissed her one last time before we went in the house.
Inside, I met Esme. She was warm and gracious and obviously fond of Bella. She was taller than Bella, with lighter colored hair from what I was able to ascertain and had a lovely low register to her voice. I judged her to be about the same age as Carlisle, who was four years older than I was, so about thirty five. Her assistant Rose was with her. Bella had taken over for Rose while she had fallen ill. She was tall, and very blonde. And she had a wicked sense of humor and a commanding voice. I noticed a lot of her wit seemed to be directed towards Emmett who seemed uncommonly quiet. As we sat around talking briefly, Esme asked how we all met. I sat back listening to Carlisle tell the story. Bella was beside me and I could feel the tension she was holding in her stance. Something was still on her mind and I was apprehensive again about the talk she wanted to have.
"It was my first year at college," Carlisle was saying. "I had to wait to go for a couple years in order to earn enough money for tuition and books. I was already older than most of the seniors never mind the other freshmen and I was hoping to live off campus- I couldn't take the thought of the dorms. I answered an ad I saw at the store looking for roommates and met Edward. We seemed to hit it off well. Later that day Emmett showed up. Another freshman. And what a group, an athlete, a musician and a business major." Carlisle chuckled remembering the first few weeks of our rooming together.
"By the end of the first week we had burnt enough meals to have to replace the batteries in the smoke detector twice. And never mind what damage we did to the laundry machine. I don't think any of us had ever really fended for ourselves before. But by the end of the month not only had we settled in and figured out what we could do properly and what we needed to learn, we became fast friends. Somehow we all meshed."
His voice became softer. "I also knew I had met two people I would care for the rest of my life. Two people who would always be there for me. And I wasn't wrong. Truly my brothers in every sense of the word."
Then he laughed. "And we're still together. They both keep me busy… especially Edward."
I laughed with him. He was right.
Carlisle stood up. I saw his hand extend out towards Esme. "Shall we go to dinner? I think if I stay any longer smelling whatever delicious dish Bella has going I'll lose my resolve to leave."
Esme laughed. "I was thinking the same thing. I don't know how you did it Bella, worked all day with me and still made that heavenly smelling dinner."
Bella shrugged. "It's just a simple casserole. You're welcome to stay, but I have a feeling Carlisle has a lovely evening planned. You shouldn't waste it. Especially with Carlisle looking so handsome and all."
Carlisle chuckled. He had his black suit on with his favourite shirt. A vivid blue one which he always insisted was his lucky shirt. The color made it easy to spot for me. Inside I was smirking. I wondered if he hoped the shirt would be lucky with pretty ladies as well.
"Alright. Enough flattery. Emmett you're taking Rose back to the hotel, yes?"
"Yeah I am."
"Excellent. Everyone have a pleasant night."
"Wait," I stood up. "If Emmett is driving Rose how are you getting around?"
"I borrowed one of Sebastian's cars. He was very generous, and I've been dying to drive the Ferrari," Carlisle chuckled.
I laughed. "No doubt you were equally persuasive with him."
"You know it."
I reached out to shake Esme' s hand and was surprised to find myself pulled into a tight hug. "Take care of her tonight Edward. She's had a bit of a bumpy day," she whispered before pulling back.
I nodded feeling uncertain.
How could I make her day better? And why was it a bad one? Because of me?
As they were leaving Emmett turned to me and asked quietly if I needed him at all tonight. I shook my head and asked why.
"I… I thought I would take Rose to dinner before I dropped her at the hotel. If she wants to, of course. She doesn't know anyone here, and she's been sick. I thought it would be nice?" His voice was nervous and unsure, unlike anything I had ever heard come from Emmett.
Beside me Bella spoke quietly. "I'm sure she would love to have dinner with you Emmett. That's a lovely idea. We're good, right Edward?"
Again I just nodded. So many things were happening around me. People pairing off left right and center.
Was there something in the water here?
I looked down at Bella with what I was sure was a confused look on my face. She giggled and quietly promised to explain everything later.
*()* *()*
The lights were dim and we were together on the sofa, sharing our day with each other.
"…and so now she refers to him as "Jazzy". Her Jazzy actually, I believe were her exact words. Because Sebastian is just too formal. Who knew his middle name was Jasper?" Bella sighed.
I chuckled in agreement. Indeed, who knew?
"I think she's smitten. I've never seen her act like that with someone, ever. She talked non-stop; I barely got a word in edge wise. Even her teasing about the, um, wall art was minimal. She had far more pressing matters on her mind."
I laughed at her quip, finding her sense of humor as usual, delightful. I was also quietly relieved at the small reprieve from the teasing we had both taken.
"Sebastian... or umm... Jazzy seems equally as smitten. He was rather anxious to meet up with her again this evening," I grinned and took another sip of brandy.
"Speaking of smitten, what happened today with Emmett? I've never experienced him acting like this…almost anxious and shy…" I asked with a smile.
"I know, one minute he was being goofy Emmett and the next... well it was done in like five minutes, I swear," Bella laughed softly. "We walked in, Esme introduced herself and Rose to Emmett and he froze like a deer in headlights. He took Rose's hand and I had to literally pry it off for her. And the rest of the day he never was more than three feet away from her. It was actually rather endearing to watch."
I laughed. "What is it with the women you know?"
Bella chuckled. "I was about to ask you the same question regarding you and your friends actually. All of you gentlemen seem to be able to sweep girls off their feet..."
I leaned over and pulled her into my lap. "I'm only interested in sweeping one girl off her feet, thank you."
She sighed and nuzzled into my chest. "Good to know."
"Tell me what happened today," she whispered after a brief period of quiet.
I sighed and told her the whole story of my brief altercation with James. Her tension, which had dissipated a little during dinner returned. I could feel her growing even more apprehensive and I hated adding to her stress.
"Who is Demetri?"
"He is a private investigator we use on occasion. I do thorough back ground checks on all the people I employ. He is, ah, very tenacious."
"Please be careful Edward. I don't like James. There is something so…vile about him. He gives me the creeps."
I drew her closer. I didn't like the underlying tone of fear in her voice. "It's okay Bella. I'll make sure both Carlisle and Emmett are close by. For both of us."
She nodded but didn't say anything. Her face remained burrowed in my chest.
We were both quiet for a moment. Bella reached up and stroked my face softly, causing me to sigh as I leaned into her tender touch. I pulled my glasses off as her fingers reached the lenses, knowing that was what she wanted. As her fingers went higher and felt my scar I began to pull back out of habit but forced myself to stay in place. I closed my eyes allowing the peaceful room with the fragrance of the burning candles and Bella's own soft scent to soothe me.
"Edward, why did you tell me this scar was hideous?" she murmured quietly.
"It's disfiguring and ugly," I whispered, repeating what I had been told so often in the months following the accident.
Bella sat up and moved away, then pulled up her pant leg. Saying nothing, she grabbed my hand and placed it on her skin. I felt the puckered scar that ran down the side of her knee. Then she shifted and pulled her waistband of her yoga pants down and did the same thing to a long scar on her right side. "These are two of my scars Edward. Only two. Do you think they're ugly?"
"No," I insisted. "They are part of you. Part of your past, of what made you…what you are today." My voice trailed off at the end.
Was that how Bella saw my scar? Not just the one on my face but the others as well?
"Yes it is."
I started, realizing I had spoken out loud.
"I don't know for sure who told you your scars were hideous Edward. I have a good idea though. But they aren't. None of them. They tell me you survived something. They're part of you as well. And that makes them beautiful in my eyes."
I sat motionless for a moment, completely stunned. Once again she tore down another fear with her soft touch and simple truthful words. Reaching out I crushed her to me and kissed her with everything I had. I poured all the feelings that were tearing through me into the kiss.
The wonder
The awe
The passion
The tenderness
The fear
The peace
The total complete love I felt for her.
I kissed her until I was dizzy.
Breaking away from her sweet lips, I gathered her closely and willed myself to calm. We needed to talk and if I kept this up no talking would be happening in the foreseeable future.
Slowly we both calmed. I took in a deep breath. I had to start this.
"Bella? Why would you think I didn't want you to come back here tonight? That I don't want you here every fucking second you can be?"
She sighed softly. "Well, that's one way to start a conversation Mr. Masen."
Then she moved off my lap kneeling on the sofa facing me. I didn't really like that. I reached for her hand and she entwined her fingers with mine.
"I've been thinking about this all day, longer in fact. I want to be here with you. I do. But we haven't talked about it and I didn't want to assume that was what you wanted. Or if it is the best for us, for me, in the long run."
"Why?" I demanded, my chest hurting at the last sentence.
Bella was quiet for a moment.
"Bella? Why?" I prompted again. "Why would being together be bad for us? I don't understand."
She abruptly stood up and paced the floor in front of me. I didn't like the set of her shoulders or the way I could see the movement of her hands as she twisted them in front of her over and over.
Finally she stopped in front of me. Then she knelt down to eye level with me, and I could feel the heat of her stare. Her voice was low and timid. "Because Edward, it's not permanent. One day soon you'll get on your plane and fly back to BC. And I'll be left here trying to remember how I existed before you were here. And I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. I'm afraid if I stay here with you, when you leave … I won't know how to live again without you. If I can survive without you. And it scares me."
I could hear the fear and the pain behind every word.
And I knew.
She was as afraid of losing me as I was of losing her. She was insecure as well. And only I could stop her fear this time.
Leaning down I clasped her sweet face in my hands and stroked her cheeks with my thumbs.
I smiled softly down at her. "Ah, my Little One. That's not going to happen. I have no plans on leaving here without you in my future. Even if you're not on that plane with me the day I leave, it will be waiting to bring you to me whenever you want to come. And I'll come back as often as I can. And if you asked me not to go… I wouldn't go." I paused, stoking away the tears I could feel running down over my hands and allowing the chance to let my words sink in.
"I know I told you I was falling in love with you, but I shouldn't have said that."
Bella's body instantly froze. I cupped her face closely to stop her from moving away. My voice deepened when I spoke again.
"I'm already in love with you, Bella. So much so it astounds me. Yet, every day I seem to fall a little deeper. I don't want you to think I don't feel as deeply as you do." My thumbs stroked her cheeks again, silently begging her to hear me clearly.
"Have you not figured this out yet, Little One?"
She shook her head.
"You are the most important thing in my life. Nothing is as vital to me. Nothing. Just the thought of being away from you crushes me. I can't live without you either, Bella. Already I can't. I know how new we are and I know we have a lot of work ahead of us… especially me. But I also know without a shadow of a doubt whatever my future holds, you are part of it. I love you."
Pulling her up off her knees into my lap again, I held her closely. "Nothing is going to keep us apart Bella. I won't let it. I will rearrange my entire life for you if that's what it takes."
Her soft sobs became intense weeping and I rocked her and held her tightly. How long had she been worrying about this? Is this what Esme meant when she said she had a rough day? God, I hated to hear her cry like this. To feel her little body shaking with sobs. A rush of tenderness I had never experienced before flooded through me. I stood up taking her with me. She was soft and limp in my arms and so trusting. I brushed repeated kisses over her head as I walked us carefully down the hall. I made my way into the bathroom and sat her down on the counter.
"What are you doing? She questioned in a soft gruff voice.
"Taking care of you," I replied kissing her one more time.
I leaned over and fumbled around until I figured out how to fill the tub. As the steam of the water rose around us, I turned around and smiled ruefully at Bella.
"I know girls like stuff in their bath, but I don't have anything like that."
Bella stood and rummaged around in her bag and I saw her hand extend towards me holding a container. "What's that?" I asked doubtfully.
"Just bath salts Edward. Very little smell. They just help stop your skin from drying out. I, um, brought them from home with some more of my things." She replied quietly and moved past me to add them to the water.
My chest tightened at her words. She was staying. She had already decided to before we talked, even though she was scared.
Reaching over I pulled her back to my chest. "Can I join you?" I whispered.
"I was counting on it."
I smiled and helped her undress then slip into the tub. I discarded my clothes and slid down behind her, pulling her closely to my chest. We sat there in the warm water, quiet and together. I urged her forward after a few minutes and rubbed her tense shoulders and back before letting her lean back into my chest. Her small moans would normally have filled me with desire but all I felt was the deep need to take care of her. To calm and soothe her as she had done for me so often. Not a word was spoken the entire time. The only sounds were of Bella's quiet contentment as I tended to her. I stroked her arms and shoulders continuously. I poured the warm water over them making sure she didn't get cold. I nuzzled her neck and whispered words of adoration into her ears. I dropped small gentle kisses on her sweet lips. I wrapped her in my arms and held her closely.
As the water cooled, I stood up and grabbed one of the large towels. I helped Bella out of the tub and wrapped us both in the soft fabric. We stood swaying together for a minute as Bella let her head rest on my chest. I gently patted her back dry then stood back and slowly ran the towel over the rest of her body. I moved over her shoulders and arms, down to her breasts and belly. Her soft sighs let me know it felt good.
I knelt down and gently leaned my forehead against her belly as I paid attention to her legs and feet. All the while I felt her hands stroking softly through my hair. When I finished I placed a soft kiss on her stomach before standing and lifting her back in my arms.
"I can walk Edward," she whispered in a half-hearted protest.
"Hush. I'm doing this my way," I whispered back, silencing her protest with my lips.
Once back in the bedroom I lifted the covers. She slid under them and I followed. Again I wrapped myself around her and let her anchor herself to me.
As we lay nestled together in the serenity of the quiet room, I slowly stroked up and down her back with my hands in gentle soft circles. Her own hands were softly rubbing my back as well. I smiled into her head that was nuzzled into my chest.
Her head lifted slowly. "Thank you."
I softly stroked her lips with mine. "Anything Bella. I...I'm not very good at taking care of someone else. I've never done it before. Fuck, I can barely look after myself." I paused, shaking my head. "But I want to learn. Tell me how. Teach me what you need. Tell me if I screw up. Because I will. But don't give up on me. Please."
"Never Edward," she whispered. "Never."
Ah, Musicward is trying. He wants to be there for her. Another update in a couple days… I'd love to hear what you are thinking ?
