Chapter 28: Heartsick
Widowmaker paced restlessly across the carpet unable to stand still as she listened to Winston, this timeline's Winston, talk.
"Getting you back is certainly possible but it won't be easy. Using Tracer to take you through different timelines until you found the right one is one way to get you back. But then we risk missing anyone who comes here trying to find you," Winston offered her. "You did say that you were on... fair terms with some Overwatch members in your time?" he asked carefully.
"Well enough not to feel a desire to shoot them on sight anymore unless they're being particularly annoying," Widowmaker answered coldly into the cell phone. She wasn't giving him, or anyone else here, more information then she absolutely had to.
Winston ignored her frosty attitude and said, "You mentioned before that this was an accident. Do you have reason to believe that the Lena you know will come searching for you?"
Widowmaker stopped pacing and closed her eyes at that question. Lena had put herself at risk not once but over and over again. Risking not only discovery and capture by Talon but death at Widowmaker's own hands if Lena took a wrong step or Widowmaker lost interest in her. Even after being captured Lena had still been thinking about her.
I was really worried about you.
Widowmaker's grip tightened on the phone as Winston waited for her answer.
The whole time I was there in that place all I could think about was what would happen to you.
Widowmaker felt a tightness in her chest and sat down on the edge of the bed. She stared at the closed door before putting her head down in her hand.
I didn't want them to hurt you again.
"Yes. She'll come," Widowmaker said softly and left it at that. She didn't have to hesitate or think about it. Lena would come for her even if she tore her battered body apart in the process. Even though Widowmaker knew it was true she still wasn't sure how she felt about it.
"Then lets assume that she'll do the same thing you did which is contact me looking for help. I'll talk to Tracer and Angela and get them to bring you here to Gibraltar. You'll be safer here and able to move around without having to worry about being spotted by anyone else. I'll prepare in case she shows up and I'll see if I can talk Tracer into running scout missions to see if we can get you back to your timeline faster. Once you're here we can make definite plans, all right?" Winston offered. Widowmaker knew that was probably the best she could hope for right now.
"Fine," Widowmaker said curtly. It wasn't like she had a ton of other options available and Winston probably realized that as well.
"We'll get you back to where you belong. Just... try to cooperate in the meantime? No one is going anywhere if you and Tracer end up at each other's throats," Winston advised.
"I can handle myself just fine. Just warn your little spark plug to keep her curiosity to herself," Widowmaker said pointedly. She was already starting to suspect that the Tracer in this timeline had sharper teeth then the one she knew.
"I'll try my best," Winston stated unconvincingly. "Can you put Tracer on the phone?" he asked.
"Just a second."
Widowmaker stood up and walked back to the bedroom door. She opened it and walked down the hallway to where Tracer was sitting, or fidgeting rather, next to that woman Emily.
"Here. I'm done," Widowmaker said shoving the phone at her.
"Hey careful with that!" Tracer objected. Widowmaker ignored her and collapsed into a chair on the other side of the room. Tracer hesitated as she held the phone to her ear, glancing between her and Emily.
"Oh go already. I think she'll survive my horrifying presence for the three minutes it takes you to finish a phone call," Widowmaker said in disgust. Tracer turned pink with embarrassment.
"I didn't mean to..." Tracer started.
"I'll be fine Lena, really. Just talk to Winston and see what we can do to help," Emily said gently. Tracer still shot Widowmaker a suspicious look but stood up and walked away talking on the phone. That just left the two of them sitting here alone. Wonderful.
Widowmaker couldn't resist staring over at Emily. Who exactly was she anyway? She held herself like a civilian but spoke like she knew at least some of what went on with Tracer and possibly Overwatch.
"Anything you want to ask me?" Emily asked seeing her look.
"Who are you exactly? I've never seen you before in my timeline," Widowmaker said pointedly.
"Lena and I met when she was still a pilot. She was training for Overwatch's experimental fighter and I was a flight mechanic helping to maintain the other jets and planes on base. We started dating after... after her accident. Got married a couple years later. I work at a private airport now and I don't wear loose or fancy jewelry on my job. I'm also not one for rings anyway so we just spent the money on a holiday to Oasis instead," Emily explained succinctly. She sounded so sickeningly happy as she said it too.
Widowmaker hummed in acknowledgement but didn't ask anything else. That answer may have quieted her curiosity but it left her feeling... uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and irritated and restless and angry. Irritated and angry in a way that she did not want to think about or consider. Unfortunately there was nowhere else for Widowmaker to go and little else to do but sit here and think.
Tracer reappeared then still looking rather unconvinced as she handed the mobile back to Emily.
"We'll do what we can to help you as long as you remain cooperative... relatively speaking," Tracer explained while casting Widowmaker a dubious look.
"By that I assume you mean not shooting any of you?" Widowmaker shot back.
"Among other things," Tracer said testily. Now Angela came back from her own phone call and gave Tracer a warning glance.
"There's a maglev train we can take that will get us close to the Gibraltar base in a couple hours. We can make arrangements from there. I'm going to go out and see if I can get some more clothes that will fit you Widowmaker. We don't know how long you'll be here," Angela stated. "Either of you want to join me?" she added. Tracer gave Emily a pleading look that was met with an immediate frown in return.
"Please?" Tracer begged. Emily sighed heavily and relented. She stood up and looked between them.
"Fine. Just try not to cause trouble," Emily said firmly. Tracer nodded along in agreement for a second before realizing that Emily had directed that at her, not Widowmaker.
"Wait me?" Tracer protested.
"Yes you. Your curiosity is worse then a cat's sometimes. I know you aren't exactly on good terms with the Widowmaker we know here but she's different. Not to mention she's not from this timeline at all. At least try to give her a chance before you start throwing things at each other. Verbally or otherwise," Emily said pointedly as Tracer's face turned red.
"Yes love I'll be good. Promise," Tracer sighed as Emily leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Widowmaker twitched and let her fingernails dig into her palms until the pain overshadowed the twisting feeling in her gut.
"And could you at least try not to antagonize her?" Emily asked addressing Widowmaker this time.
"I'll try to leave her pride intact," Widowmaker shot back sarcastically.
"See? Best of friends already," Tracer commented.
"We'll try not to take too long," Angela promised with a light sigh.
When they were gone the silence fell very, very heavily between them. Widowmaker silently started counting the seconds in her head. Calling the woman across from her Tracer instead of Lena was an easy way to keep the two separate in her head. But if this Tracer was anything like the one Widowmaker had come to know then she was willing to bet the bouncy little ball of energy wouldn't last three minutes without talking.
As expected Tracer grew increasingly fidgety and had just passed a minute and 30 seconds when she spoke.
"Sooo... get out much?" Tracer asked. Widowmaker rolled her eyes at the question. "What's that for?" Tracer pressed.
"I gave you three minutes before you cracked and you barely lasted half that," Widowmaker scoffed.
"Well its not everyday that I have a Widowmaker from another timeline sitting across from me like this. I'm still expecting a kick to the face any time now," Tracer said defensively.
"The night is still young as they say," Widowmaker replied evenly. Talking to this Tracer wasn't the same as talking to the Lena she knew. It wasn't amusing. It didn't hold her interest. It didn't leave her wanting to hear more.
Stop it.
It didn't leave her wondering about the way Lena had started to smile at her or how her eyes would light up now when she entered the room.
Shut up.
It didn't make Widowmaker hesitate when saw the disappointment in Lena's eyes because she had to leave. It didn't leave her restless and wondering if she was really seeing something there or if she was just imagining things. It wasn't the same. She wasn't the same and every moment in this Tracer's presence wasn't interesting, or amusing, or pleasant, or anything else. It was like sandpaper on her skin and fire against her nerves.
The differences in the way she sat, moved around, spoke and looked at her all made Widowmaker's skin shiver. Like bugs crawling on her skin. It wasn't the same. She wasn't the same. None of this was the same.
She... she.
She's not my Lena.
Widowmaker had come so close to saying that earlier before she realized what was about to come out of her mouth. Why had she stopped? What was it about that phrase that wouldn't leave her mind? Why did those words keep dancing on the tip of her tongue refusing to go away? Why did it bother her so much?
"How do you know Lena? The one from your timeline?" Tracer asked.
Widowmaker closed her eyes and tried to ignore her.
"You seem to be on... not killing terms with Winston at least if you knew to call him like that," Tracer pressed.
Why couldn't she just...
"So that leads me to think that you know each other as more then just enemies," Tracer finished.
Widowmaker opened her eyes and fought back the urge to snarl at her. Being here was like claws digging into her mind. Her usual habits were already starting to get stronger again. Being without Amélie was hard enough already. Was she okay? Had she been left behind? Did she come through? Had she gotten left in a completely different timeline? If she was still back there then how was she handling the separation? Were the others taking care of her?
"Come on you have to give me something here," Tracer demanded.
This time Widowmaker did snarl at her as a sudden flare of anger swept over her. She didn't like this, she didn't like her, she wanted Amélie back, she wanted to go back to what was just starting to become familiar to her.
"No I don't have to give you anything. I don't have to do anything more then try not to kill you," Widowmaker hissed her anger snapping.
"Well someone's awfully irritated," Tracer said raising an eyebrow. Widowmaker didn't at all like the spark of challenge in her eyes. "Do you treat your Lena like that as well?" she added far too calmly. The emphasis on the word made it clear that Widwomaker's earlier slip hadn't gone unnoticed or forgotten.
"My Lena," Widowmaker spat out, "Doesn't keep digging just to see me squirm or press harder to see if I'll bend. She'll ask but she doesn't demand. She listens but doesn't require me to explain if I don't feel like talking. Unlike you she knows when to stop if even suspects that I'm getting uncomfortable," she said harshly.
Tracer's suspicious gaze softened somewhat and Widowmaker had to give her credit for not flinching or looking away.
"Kind of hard to imagine the Widowmaker I know willingly talking to anyone," Tracer pointed out. She must be referring to the one here in this timeline.
"Maybe she's tried and you just weren't willing to listen. Hard to talk to someone who doesn't know when to back off," Widowmaker countered. Now Tracer pursed her lips and silently slumped back against the couch. At least she finally seemed to have realized that trying to chat wasn't going to result in anything positive.
Widowmaker let out a quiet sigh and closed her eyes. She remembered Lena saying that when she was stuck in the Talon base she wanted Widowmaker to come for her but was afraid of what might happen if she did. Now Widowmaker could somewhat relate to that feeling. If Lena didn't come for her there was no telling how long she might be trapped here, but if she did then what would the stress of jumping across timelines and worlds do to her still injured body? But Lena was tougher then she looked and far stronger then she realized. Even with all she had to deal with she still kept going as best she could.
The same couldn't exactly be said for Amélie. Part of Amélie's mind had split off into Widowmaker in order to protect her from what she had been through. Once Widowmaker had thought, hoped really, that maybe integrating back into Amélie would help her. Help her recover, heal, and move on from what happened. But that hope had long since slipped away. Even the thought of having to go back into the world she had left behind traumatized Amélie further. You couldn't help someone who didn't want to be helped and Amélie didn't want help. She didn't want to heal. She didn't want to get better. She didn't just want to hide away from the world, she wanted to disappear entirely from it.
Widowmaker pressed her palms against her eyes as despair welled up suddenly within her. It weighed on her so heavily it felt like it had crushed all the air out of her lungs.
Please whatever else happens... please let Amélie be all right.
Lena stood outside the door worriedly chewing on her thumbnail as she waited to see if it would open. Angela and Winston were busy preparing for her trip which left her sitting around with nothing to do but worry. So after sitting in her medical room fussing for long enough Satya, who had been there with her, suggested that they go and see if Amélie would be willing to see her.
Now that she was actually standing there in front of the door though Lena found her already battered confidence rapidly fading away.
"Maybe we should..." Lena began but stopped when the door clicked and slid back partially. Adriana stood there with a deep frown on her face. She looked between Lena and Satya and scowled.
"The only reason I'm letting you in is because Amélie wants to see you. That is it. You understand me?" Adriana snapped at her. Lena bowed her head as guilt pressed down more heavily on her shoulders.
"And we appreciate your generosity very much. I'll let Lena go in alone. No need to risk overwhelming Amélie with another person," Satya said calmly. Lena winced as she felt a sharp poke in the back from Satya urging her forward. She took a hesitant step, her legs still weak and unsteady, and headed inside after Adriana.
Lena heard the door close behind her and had to stop and take a few breaths to calm her nerves. She could do this. When she did find Widowmaker again she wanted to be able to tell her how Amélie was doing. She'd want to know.
Using the wall for support Lena crept down the short hallway and stopped when she finally saw Amélie. Her long hair was down and she was wearing slippers and large t-shirt with pajama pants. She was sitting on one end of a small couch miserably holding a plushy in her arms.
"Amélie? Here's Lena. She wanted to see you before she left," Adriana said gently. Amélie's head rose and her eyes tracked Lena as she walked around and sat down next to her.
Lena wasn't sure what to say or where to begin. Did Amélie recognize her? Would bringing up the past trigger a relapse or breakdown?
"Do you know her?" Adriana prodded gently when neither of them spoke up. Amélie had looked down but now she lifted her eyes again to meet Lena's.
"I didn't tell you to stay," Amélie said quietly. "I didn't want you to fly but I didn't tell you to stop. I should have said something," she added.
The accident, Lena thought. Well that answered the questions of whether Amélie recognized her.
"You didn't know what would happen," Lena told her.
"But... but it felt wrong. I felt wrong. If I told you... if I told you maybe... maybe," Amélie wavered and Lena could see her attention, her mind slipping away, slipping back into the past. She knew just what that was like.
"Hey, look at me," Lena urged gently. Amélie hesitated and blinked rapidly before focusing on her again. "I'm here now. I made it. I came back," she said. Now Amélie looked down at the accelerator once again on her chest.
"But I didn't warn you. I should have warned you to stay. I should have said something then maybe you wouldn't have left," Amélie repeated firmly. Lena's heart fell and she looked over at Adriana who was sitting in a chair watching them hoping for guidance or support. But Adriana just shook her head.
Amélie isn't going to understand. I don't know if she can anymore, Lena sadly realized. Still she had to try something.
"I don't blame you for what happened," Lena told her but that only resulted in the same stressed out and worried stare from Amélie as before. "I'm not angry with you for not telling me to stay," she tried again. Now Amélie's eyes sparked with life and Lena caught Adriana from the corner of her eye motioning encouragingly to her. She was on the right track.
"I... I forgive you for what happened. For not telling me to stay. I'm not angry with you because... because of the accident. I'm just really happy to see you again," Lena said carefully. It felt wrong to say it considering that she had never blamed Amélie in the first place. But she couldn't leave things unresolved and she certainly didn't want it weighing on Amélie's mind with what she already had going on.
Now Amélie's eyes filled with tears.
"You forgive me? We're still friends?" Amélie said, her voice filled with hope.
"Of course we are! I'd never stay mad at you," Lena told her. Amélie smiled shyly and wiped at her eyes.
"Hey what's that you're holding?" Lena asked steering the conversion away from her flight accident. Amélie's face lit up immediately and she held up her plushy.
"Its the planet Saturn! Sombra got it for me!" Amélie said happily. Lena glanced over at Adriana who just shrugged. So that's where Sombra had disappeared to. "Widowmaker loves outer space. Sometimes I keep her up at night when I don't mean to," she added her face falling slightly. "So she goes out to look at the stars and sings a lullaby to me until I feel better. Until the bad thoughts and memories go away again. Widowmaker ordered this really big book so she could learn about the stars and point them out to me. Holding it reminds me of her," she said squeezing the plushy tightly to her chest. Lena forced the smile to stay on her face so Amélie wouldn't see how much those words had just broken her heart.
Years ago Lena and Angela had been hanging out at Amélie's place while Gerard was away on Overwatch business. They had started talking about their childhood dreams when Amélie confessed that as a little girl she had dreamed of being an astronaut. She only took up ballet when she realized how much math it would take to get into outer space. But a world famous dancer telling people her occupation was a second choice as a bored child who needed something to keep her out of trouble wasn't very romantic. They had all laughed about it at the time.
Did Widowmaker know about that? Did Amélie even remember herself?
"She's coming back right? Widowmaker isn't going to leave me here is she?" Amélie asked pulling Lena out of her thoughts. It hurt to hear how sad she was. How desperate she was to have Widowmaker back with her again.
"Of course not. I'm... I'm leaving again but this time I'm going so that I can find Widowmaker," Lena explained hoping Amélie would be able to comprehend it.
"You'll find her? You'll find her and bring her back to me?" Amélie pleaded hopefully.
"I will. I'm going to bring her back here and when I see her I'll be sure she knows how much you miss her," Lena said. Amélie squeezed her plushy tighter at that assurance.
"Do you... do you think she misses me too?" Amélie asked softly.
Lena clearly remembered what Widowmaker had told her the first time she visited her here after waking up. Widowmaker had freely admitted that the whole reason she existed at all was to protect Amélie from harm. Whether that be physically or mentally. Widowmaker admitted that things between them had started to change when she realized that she wasn't the only person who cared about Amélie. Losing each other must feel like a vital part of themselves had been ripped away.
"I know Widowmaker misses you so much right now. I know she's really worried and wants to make sure you're safe and being taken care of," Lena assured her. Amélie's eyes welled up with tears again and this time they started to slip down her cheeks.
"Will... will you tell her I love her? And that I really, really miss her too?" Amélie begged her. Now Lena was starting to cry and she had to fight back her own tears.
"I will. I'll make sure she knows how much you miss her," Lena choked out.
"Will you give her this? So she'll be able to think of me too?" Amélie asked reaching over to the short table next to them where a coloring book, also space themed, and colored pencils were scattered about. She picked up a page that had already been ripped out. It was a beautifully colored alien landscape.
"Of course I will. She'll love it," Lena said clearing her throat as she accepted it from her. Now Amélie squirmed a bit and picked at the tag on her plushy. Adriana moved restlessly and grabbed a cup that was sitting next to her, lifting it up to take a sip.
"Widowmaker likes you," Amélie blurted out suddenly. Lena heard Adriana choke on her drink and she couldn't blame her.
"I... pardon?" Lena said dumbly. Had she heard that correctly?
"She has a really hard time with people who aren't me but she likes the way you look at her," Amélie told her more firmly this time. "Because you know who she really is but you don't treat her differently. You still look at her the same way like... like she's real instead of just the part of me that shouldn't exist," she continued.
Lena was shocked into silence. She couldn't have said anything if she tried.
"Widowmaker likes that about you... because you make her feel real like Sombra does. But you're different... things feel different with you and she doesn't know what to do. Its hard for her to admit it. To let other people get close," Amélie said softly. "She's real to me too. I don't care what others think about her or what those... those bad people made her do. I want her back! I want her with me again!" she shouted. Tears were streaming down her cheeks again and Lena couldn't help but reach out and hold her as she cried.
"Its not fair! Why did she have to leave me?" Amélie sobbed.
"I'll find her Amélie. I'll bring Widowmaker back no matter how long it takes. I promise... I promise I'll bring her back to you," Lena vowed as Amélie cried in her arms.
