Once again Thank You so much for your reviews it always makes me happy to read them. I hope you enjoy the update below and as always I welcome your feedback.


Chapter 28

Derek managed to catch sight of Meredith and shouted out to her, "Mer, stop please?"

"Derek, just leave me alone."

"I can't do that." Derek grabbed her elbow bringing her to a halt as he finally caught up with her. "Let me explain… Please?" he pleaded as he looked into her watery eyes, immediately feeling his own eyes moisten too.

"Explain what? Explain the fact that you are a liar and that I don't even know who you are anymore?"

"I didn't lie to you…"

"Really? Because I thought you told me that it was over between you two, you told me that you loved me and wanted to be with me. Damn it! You said you would wait for me… I should have known better you are all the same, all you know how to do is cheat."

"What are you on about?" Derek asked knowing that she was no longer just talking about them.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter…"

"It does, look, we can't talk here," Derek said taking her arm again as he pulled her towards a nearby on call room. When they were inside and the door was closed and locked, he continued. "I do love you, you know that."

"Correction, I thought I did but then again, I also thought my husband did too. But it turns out I was wrong and that he had been having an affair for the last two years."

"Oh my God, the asshole, how could he do that to you?" Derek was shocked and angry to find out that Matt had been cheating on Meredith. He had even had the nerve to practically pee all over her in front of him when he was cheating on her all along. Meredith had felt so guilty when what he had been doing was so much worse…

"Well, you should know…"

"Hold on, I have never cheated on you, Meredith, we were not together. How is the way your husband behaved similar to my behavior? I understand you're pissed at him but you can't offload all your anger on me, I would never betray your trust…"

"That's crap and you know it, we slept together more than once recently, and I know I told you I couldn't be with you, but I was going through a hard time, my emotions were all over the place. You knew that, you understood that. Less then a week ago you kissed me and told me you were not going anywhere and that you would wait for however long I needed you to wait for. And now… now I am ready to be with you and you are kissing another woman. Not just any woman but your ex someone you assured me you had no feelings for. I am moving across the country for you, damn it, I feel like such an idiot!"

"Mer… God, you're not, and I want nothing more than to be with you. I meant every word that I said…"

"Then why, Derek? Why did I just find you in the arms of another woman? You turned into such a manwhore that you cannot be without sex for more than a few days? Or don't tell me that you are in love with her too?"

"You have it all wrong, I have not had sex with Rose since before you came back into my life and I am not in love with her…"

"Then why, Derek? Just tell me… why you would do this to me?"

"She's pregnant, she is having my baby…" The words gently spilled from his mouth.

"Wh- what?" Meredith gasped in shock as she stumbled backwards to the bed and sat down on it as the back of her legs came into contact with it.

"She told me just after I promised I would wait for you…" Derek slowly walked over and sat down next to Meredith and took her hand into his, relief washing over him when she didn't pull it back. "I am so sorry…" he said as he faced her with tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"She's really pregnant, there's no chance that she is lying?" Meredith asked looking at Derek as she took a deep breath trying to control the tears that were on the verge of falling from her eyes. She had not felt this desperate since the day that Lia had been diagnosed with the tumor. Things were definitely beyond her control again this time and she knew she was going to lose him, she knew that the love you had for your child was far greater than any love you could have for someone else. There was no way Meredith could ask him to walk away now, not when the child he had wanted for so long was within his grasp.

"I saw the sonogram and the dates match up, she wasn't seeing anyone else…" Derek's heart clenched at sound of the gasp, which came from Meredith and he watched her begin to shake as giant sobs started to take over her body. He couldn't help but pull her into his embrace while Meredith's arms automatically went around him. The tears began to fall from his own eyes, he couldn't believe how unfair life was being. "I- I am so sorry…" he murmured into her hair, desperately trying to breathe in the familiar smell that was so uniquely her. He knew this might be the last time he would get to hold her like this.

Meredith pulled back slightly as her crying started to subside. "I don't even know what to say… God…"

"I know, I have been trying to wrap my head around it…" Derek looked into her eyes.

"You are going to be a Dad, Der, finally…" Meredith said as she tried to give him a weak smile, cupping his cheek in her hand as her thumb moved to brush away his tears.

"I know…" Derek said as a small smile crossed his face, mirroring Meredith's. "I can't help but think that it should have been us though, it should be you carrying my baby."

"I know, Der, I felt the same when I found out I was pregnant with Lia. Even though I had not seen you in a long time, part of me felt guilty that I was having a baby with someone else. You were supposed to be the father of my baby."

"I feel so torn… I love you so much but she is having my child, her OB said she already had some bleeding and any emotional stress can cause her to miscarry. I can't risk that happening, I don't want to lose another child."

"I love you too, but I know that you wouldn't be the man I know you are if you walked away."

Derek simply nodded at her, he didn't know what to say. He knew he had to walk away from her, to say goodbye but he just couldn't bring himself to do it, not when every part of him was screaming out to never let her go again.

They sat there staring at each other, neither one of them wanting to move, they wanted to stay in this moment where everything seemed so safe and so at ease. Everything came so naturally to them just as it always had, they both seemed to move at the same time, the gap between them closing at an even pace on both their sides, their lips suddenly fused together. They both knew it was wrong but neither could stop it or pull away, they simply didn't want to.

As soon as Derek's mouth was against hers, her body took over as if it had a mind of its own, she simply lost control of it. Her arms made their way around Derek's neck, her fingers instantly began to weave through his hair. Her legs were now on either side of his waist so that she was straddling him. Meredith wasn't sure if it was her who had moved into that position or if Derek had pulled her onto him. As her tongue gently battled with his and her entire body heated up as his hands searched underneath her shirt. She couldn't help but think back to the last time that they had said goodbye to one another in this way… a time almost twenty years ago… It felt just as raw and unjust now as it had back then…

Derek knew this was wrong, he had committed to Rose and his unborn child but he could not help himself, it was just like it always was with Meredith. "One last time,"he told himself, he had to be with her just one more time. His hands came out from underneath her shirt and he slowly began to unbutton it not once breaking the searing kiss that they were engaged in. He was savoring every stroke of her tongue against his, he knew it would be the last time he experienced it.

The rest of their clothes were quickly discarded and Derek laid Meredith gently back onto the bed. Their mouths broke apart and they gazed into each other's eyes as he slowly entered her, there was not a need for words, their tear filled eyes spoke enough silent words for them. They both wanted to savor the moment and bask in the their love making which for once, barring the occasional gasp of pleasure, was silent. They were trying to make their connection last as long as possible. It was the slowest Derek had ever moved whilst inside her as he pecked gentle kisses all over her face, neck, collarbone and shoulders, over her arms as her hands and fingers tangled in his hair. They both came together and laid quietly, still connected; their bodies remained tangled together for what seemed like an eternity. Neither wanted to move or talk because they were dreading what was coming next. Derek's bleeping pager suddenly filled the room, he looked at Meredith apologetically as he slipped out of her and moved off of the bed to find it. Upon seeing who had paged him he was surprised that guilt did not take over him, it was Rose.

Meredith could tell straight away by Derek's body language who the sender of that page was. She sat up and automatically felt the tears well up in her eyes, Derek came back to the bed and gently embraced her.

"I am so sorry…" he whispered into her hair once again as he kissed the top of her head, cuddling her tightly into his chest.

"I am too… You had better go, she is probably worried."

"I know… but I don't want to leave you…"

"I will be ok…" Meredith said as she pulled back from his embrace and looked once again into his tear filled eyes, which mirrored her own.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, I have signed a five year contract and there is nothing left in Seattle for Lia and me anymore…"

"So you are still staying?" Derek asked, his tone full of hope even though he knew it would be hard to see her every day and not be with her.

"I think so, I don't really have much choice…" A brief smile crossed her face.

"I am glad, it means I still get to keep a part of you in my life…"

"Yeah, I know… but Derek, you know what just happened between us… it can't happen again…"

"I know…" he gently said as he brought his hand to her face and with his thumb wiped away a tear that had just fallen from her eye.

Meredith mustered up all the strength it took to smile. "Go on, get out of here… and you had better make sure the department is in order, I don't take kindly to sloppiness…" Her tone was now full of humor.

"Yes boss, and don't I know it!" Derek started to pull his scrubs back on, standing up as he pulled his top over his head. He then bent back down and hugged Meredith kissing her on the cheek one more time before he made his way to the door. "I will be round later to check on Lia… I will see you then?"

"Sure… see you then. Goodbye Derek."

His eyes locked with hers once more. "Goodbye Meredith." He took a deep breath, turned around and walked out into the new world that awaited him… A world where once again he was unable to be with the love of his life.


All I will say is please trust me, I remember writing that update a while back now and it was an extrememly hard one to write so I really love to hear your thoughts on it. If you would like a teaser from the next update let me know.

Also we are one week away from the premier of Grey's season 8, is anyone looking forward to it? From the promo's I have seen I am having mixed feelings, I am also not even fooling myself by thinking that we will get Merder scenes which last for longer then 30 seconds...

Jen xxx