Chapter 28: Fear


For several moments, Dagur just stared at the coins in bewilderment, but at last, he picked one up gingerly and after shaking it around a little, he sank his teeth into it, before a broad smile began to spread across his face.

"Well, well." Dagur muttered at last, with a pleased chuckle, "That's quite a trick. I suppose these'll last fur a good day or so, hmm?"

"They'll last for good, unless they're melted down." Katie replied, however, still smiling, "It's real gold now."

"Ah, it doesn't matter, really." the man replied, still grinning as he took some of the coins, "I'll have these spent by tomorrow anyway. Still, if more wizards could do what you jus did, they might find me more friendly. Those magic folks seem to spend a lot of time blowing things to pieces, and not much making stuff, if you catch my meaning. Uh, no offense miss."

Katie's smile was starting to fade, however, as the innkeeper made those remarks, and it had vanished completely a moment later, when he made one last suggestion.

"You want my advice, miss, you'll use this here skill to make yourself a small fortune. A few more good potions like that, and you'll be set fur life."

"No..." Katie admitted at last, with a shake of her head, "I don't think so."

"Eh?" Dagur asked, looking a bit confused, "Why? Why can't you get rich like this?"

"Well, to start with, twenty-five pieces of gold isn't very much money..." Katie explained, "I could have probably sold the ingredients for more."

At that point, the innkeeper's face fell just a little.

"Well, then why waste yur time on a potion like this one?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Two reasons, mainly." Katie explained, "First, because I needed a few coins, and I don't know of anybody around here, outside of the college, who buys alchemical ingredients. Mainly, though, I just wanted to test it out, to see if the potion would really work. This potion should be able to replicate small objects, if I've got one to use as a sample, but I can't picture making a profit off of it, really."

The innkeeper was looking disheartened when Katie explained the problem, but at last, he just started smiling again, and began chuckling to himself.

"Well, yur not hurting me, at any rate. That was quite a pleasant little piece of magic, there. Gave me a nice surprise. I'll bet the village kids'll love to hear a tale like this one. Thanks, miss. Uh... Are you offering...?"

"Yes." Katie decided after just a couple of seconds spent thinking it over, "If you want, you can keep the whole amount. It won't do me much good if I can't use it to buy any more ingredients."

The man looked very happy as he collected the coins and put them away, and by the time he was done, Katie had taken a seat again, and was looking over a few more of her ingredients, and finishing up her note-taking.

However, after only a couple of seconds, she gasped in delight, carefully picking up the wing of a bug, and holding it over her book one more time, to be sure that there was no mistake. Sure enough, the book was displaying another message; a very hopeful one.

"The blue dartwing is a type of wing, generally found on certain variations of dragonflies, and it contains several chemicals, which can be used to make healing potions, weaken the effects of lightning, increase a person's natural talent for picking pockets, and can also be used as part of a fear toxin, if prepared properly. There are only a few other possible uses which the blue dartwing..."

By that point, however, Katie was skimming down the page; looking for some indication of what other kinds of ingredients went well with it, and she soon found one or two listed, though unfortunately, most were pretty esoteric.

"The tusk of a mammoth..." Katie muttered to herself, imagining herself trying to wrestle a mammoth. She was pretty sure she wasn't ready for that yet, "A daedra's heart? No. Too hard to find. Gleamblossom? Poisonbloom? Too rare."

Finally, however, Katie's eyes fell on a name she recognized from her days in Hammerfell; back at the Slow Sabrecat. Lunch in those days often contained fish, and she'd learned the names of a number of fish, and how best to cook them as a result of that. When she saw the words "cyrodilic spadetail," on that page, she could almost see the fish with her eyes; a medium-sized, brown and white fish with only a couple fins, which tasted a lot like trout when roasted, and a lot like tuna when chopped into a stew or paste. She could barely believe that it contained part of a fear toxin, but there it was; right there in the book.

Shrugging her shoulders just a little, and starting to feel hungrier, Katie closed the book and put it away in her pack, along with her other alchemical supplies. Whether or not the spadetail was the solution to her problem, she decided, she could really go for some fish. So, in a couple minutes, she'd moved to the front door and stepped outside, heading south, away from Winterhold.


Katie was on the move for almost an hour before the temperature became just a bit less frigid, and she found a small lake that wasn't frozen. It had been a long time since Katie had caught any fish, and she didn't have a fishing pole, or any kind of net, but she did have another idea.

Quickly, Katie removed two robes from her bag. One was an older robe with holes all over it; not much better than a rag anymore, while the other was relatively new, and still in one piece. Soon, she'd removed her armor and put on the new robe, leaving the ratty one on the ground near the lake, along with her pack, weapons, armor and supplies. Then, in just a moment, she slid one foot into the lake, and started shivering all over.

The water in Skyrim was typically colder than in Hammerfell, but that water was even colder than she was used to. Still, it was in no danger of freezing, at least, and soon, Katie had felt the water rise up over her lower legs, and start to soak her robe. Still, she kept going until she was almost waist-deep in the water, and could see the fish swimming all through the lake; entering by a small stream to the east, and traveling south, into a wider river. They stopped for a short time in that lake, and swarmed all around her, but didn't seem too concerned with her, as long as she was standing still. That, she decided, would be a helpful piece of knowledge.

In a moment, Katie was bending over in the water, looking down at the fish that swam beneath her. She could feel that the water had already soaked her stomach, which was driving even worse chills through her, and her teeth had begun to chatter as a result. Still, she tried her best to focus; staying as still as she could, until she caught a brief glimpse of brown scales, and brought her arm down into the water with a splash.

It was no good. She hadn't been quite fast enough. The fish had gotten away, and her arm had gotten absolutely soaked. Still, she wasn't giving up. She'd seen bears seize fish from the water in the past, though usually a lot more ferociously than what she was attempting. She was sure that if a bear could do it, so could a nord woman.

Again and again, Katie made a move with one hand, and again and again, the fish would either dart out of the way, or slip out of her grasp, just when she thought she had it. At last, however, after over two dozen attempts, she managed to snag a fish. It was a salmon, which wasn't quite what she'd wanted, but she tossed it on land, behind her equipment anyway. It continued to flop around on the ground as she kept looking for more fish to snag, but it wasn't destined to make it back into the water.

After her first fish, however, things started to pick up for Katie, and after only about a dozen or so more tries, she'd caught a histcarp. In five more tries, another salmon, and by the end of a few hours, she'd managed to accumulate over eighteen fish; all salmon, histcarp or river betties. It was only when she got to her nineteenth fish that Katie found what she'd been looking for.

Right there in her hand, she'd caught a cyrodilic spadetail; the brown and white fish that she'd become so familiar with during her young years, and never realized the real potential of. At last, with a smile, she stood back upright, feeling a slight ache in her back as she straightened up, though the ache in her legs was worse. Then, she started wading back to shore, where her most recent catches were still struggling in vain to get back to the water.

Katie was still soaked when she got back to shore with her catch, but she took just a second to draw her spear back out of the ground where she'd laid it, and jab all the fish that were still moving; including the spadetail she'd just caught. That stopped them from moving around, and gave her a chance to remove the soaked robe and dry off, using the ratty robe as a towel, before she put her socks back on again, and had just finished pulling on one of her tunics, when she heard a growling noise, coming from the direction of her equipment and armor.

There, as Katie looked up, she saw a vicious-looking, gray bear with its paws in the midst of her fish; glaring at her with a ravenous snarl. Katie had no doubt at all what was on that creature's mind. It almost looked like it was licking its lips as it watched her. Still, she understood some of how it must have felt. All of that fish-catching had been hard work, and she'd been hungry even before that. Besides, she'd never tried bear-meat before, but it looked soft enough, in some places, to be chewy, without being too tough on the teeth.

The problem, of course, was that Katie had left both her spear and armor with the fish, which meant that if the bear attacked, she'd need to defend herself with nothing more than her hands. Sure enough, just a moment later, the large creature charged towards her.

Katie braced herself as best she could, hoping to avoid being knocked over by its initial charge, but as it turned out, the bear was less of a problem than it looked like. It buried its forehead in Katie's midsection, and she could feel it, like a good, strong punch. The bear's attack had been powerful, to be sure, and it hurt quite a bit, but it hadn't been enough to make her lose her balance, or to knock her over, and in a moment, when it backed away and reared up, bearing its claws, she felt a lot more confident.

Soon, Katie had raised her own arms to meet the paws of the bear, and in just a moment, they were pitting their strength against one another. Katie soon found that although the bear had been unable to knock her over, it really was very strong. In fact, for several seconds, it was all she could do to hold her ground. Still, she was tired and hungry, and she had a feeling that if she hadn't been so exhausted, she could have gained the upper hand much faster.

Katie did eventually manage to gain just a bit of ground, though. Like herself, it seemed that the bear was very tired, and losing energy by the second, and unlike her, the bear wasn't used to fighting on only two legs. Soon, it had begun to try to fall back to the ground again, but Katie didn't release it, even as its front paws went limp. The bear was clearly trying to get its bearings back, so that it could continue its attack from a safer position, and Katie wasn't about to let that happen.

Soon, her hands had slid down from the beast's arms, to grab as much of its chest and midsection as she could reach. It was hard to reach that much of it, but fortunately, the bear's flesh was rough, and easy to grab hold of once one had put one's hands on it. Bit by bit, Katie tried to get more of the bear in between her hands, squeezing the beast more and more as she did so. It was a feat that would have gotten a smaller warrior killed. After all, she was really just squeezing the bear's chest and midsection against her own, which meant that if she kept pulling at it, one of them would eventually give way. It was, in the end, a test of endurance, to see whose body could withstand the most pressure. If the bear proved to be most resilient, then Katie would be crushed. Indeed, just a couple of months before, she would never have dared to even try it without armor on.

Still, the more she pulled at the great beast, the more she could feel that although its furry hide was pressing against her harder, it was also beginning to give way. She felt some pain in her own stomach, but not as much, it seemed, as the bear, which let out one final roar of pain and fury, just as Katie felt something break under her grip.

With that, Katie released the bear with her hands, and she actually felt very confused a moment later, when the monstrous, furry creature flew backwards, out of the grip of her hands, and landed on the ground near the fish. It was just an animal; she tried to convince herself, and animals didn't have the intelligence needed to act reasonably. All they ever did was to just charge in and attack everything in sight with abandon, unless, of course, they were herbavores or domesticated creatures. The bear would obviously have killed her if she hadn't killed it first. Under other circumstances, Katie would have felt proud of her victory, and yet, something was wrong.

It was yet another battle in which Katie's "natural armor" had strongly contributed to her victory, and there was a time when that would have made her happy; given her a thrill that others didn't seem to feel, except when demonstrating some well-honed skill of theirs. However, for some reason, recently, whenever she'd gained a victory that way, instead of making her happy, it just made her feel as though someone was watching her.

"No..." she muttered as she donned some of her armor again, and started setting up a fire and her various alchemy supplies, in preparation for dinner and the potion that she still had to make. It wasn't as though she were being watched, exactly. At least not by living eyes. In fact, she realized, it sort of reminded her of the feeling she'd gotten when she'd been in tombs, with the faces of ancient corpses aimed in her direction, even though none of them was alive, and none could do anything about her. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it wasn't even quite like that. It was more like an absolutely enormous corpse; like the corpse of a giant, staring right through her, as though penetrating every fiber of her being.

For a moment, Katie wondered if Eron was around, and started looking around for any sign of him, but there didn't seem to be any, and the strange feeling was already fading. It had only happened to her a couple of times so far, but it still made her feel uncomfortable. In fact, it made her feel even more uncomfortable each time it happened, because it was very unsettling.

Still, the feeling had faded completely by the time Katie had finished lighting her fire, and started cooking fish over it. She'd had the chance to cut some of the meat off the bear as well, but hadn't put it over the fire yet. Instead, as the fish cooked, she was focusing on her various alchemy apparati; studying the instructions in her book and preparing her two ingredients according to what it said. At last, she spread the shredded fish out on a board, and sprinkled the dried, crumpled, dartwing powder over it, then added water, until the ingredients began to look clay-like. Finally, she put the clay into a jar that she'd been carrying around, removed a small lump of it, and added it to a bottle of water, swirling it around in her hand until at last, a reaction began. In just a few moments, the light brown, clay-like substance had started to spread out through the water, turning dark and murky. It happened so fast, that Katie wasn't the least bit worried anymore. She could tell, without any tests, that the formula in that bottle was undoubtedly a potent potion of fear.


The next day, Katie's good robe was dry, and she'd had not only a very filling dinner, but a big breakfast that morning, and still had enough left over for another good meal on the way back to Winterhold, though by that point, it was all cooked bear meat.

Still, Katie felt full of energy again, and began the long trek back to town, first thing in the morning. Even after the long walk, all the way back, still carrying the bear skin, claws and a couple pounds of meat, she still didn't feel the least bit tired. She was starting to wonder whether it was due to the cold water, or to the fight with the bear, when she approached the stone ramp that morning, and saw, under the archway, the same woman she'd seen before.

"I'm glad you came back." the high elf woman noted in a very dispassionate tone of voice, "Still, it might have been better if you'd taken longer. Perhaps you would have learned more, and been more of a help to our college."

"I can still enter if I pour my fear potion on the eye symbol, right?" Katie asked, not quite sure how to take the woman's remarks, but she just nodded, and stepped aside.

Katie felt a rush of legitimate excitement as the formula poured from her bottle onto the stone eye symbol, and suddenly, the stone began to react. First, a single light began to radiate upward from the pupil of the eye. Then, the light quickly became more intense, until it seemed like a solid beam, which shot up towards the arch above. As Katie watched in amazement, the beam of light expanded, spreading, until it was projected up by the lines surrounding the pupil, and then the stone eye itself. At last, the entire stone disc on which the eye was carved had begun to shine brightly, with a brilliance that seemed like a glaring lamp, even in that strong, morning sunlight.

Katie was absolutely amazed by the sight, but when she turned to look at the magic-user, she wasn't sure what to think, because the magic-user was also staring in utter amazement.

"It's not supposed to glow that brightly." the mage said in astonishment as the light began to die down, "How did you prepare your ingredients? What kind of alchemy table did you use?"

However, Katie was just smiling a moment later, when she replied, "Are you actually asking me to tell you all my secrets right here on the steps of the college, or are you going to let me in first?"

That question seemed to have jarred the mage back to her senses.

"Of course. Follow me, but watch your step."


Katie hadn't realized it, but as soon as she'd returned to Winterhold, people had begun to talk about her again, and Lydia, in particular, had noticed her almost immediately, stepping outside briefly to watch, from a distance, as Katie approached the guard. In only a minute or so, lights had begun to shine from the entrance to the College of Winterhold.

In a sense, Lydia had been happy for her friend; pleased by her success in that attempt, but there was a part of her that felt uncomfortable at the sight. Katie, after all, was walking right into the lair of magic-users and wizards, and there was no doubt that they were incredibly dangerous. Yet, Lydia couldn't do a thing to help or protect her. In fact, she realized in dismay, it had been a while since she'd been qualified to be Katie's protector. She didn't want to have magic, exactly, but for just a moment, Lydia wished that she could have been just a bit more than she was, as she slipped back into the Frozen Hearth to continue her recovery.


Up and along a series of stone ramps and raised bridges, Katie found herself being guided. The guard had been right to advise her to watch her step, though. At every point, the ramps and bridges were just wide enough that Katie could stay on the path, keeping both of her feet on it, as she usually did, but it was a narrow path, and felt a bit snug, especially around the support columns that held it up. At some points, there was a stone wall; about waist-height, which was probably meant to protect people from falling off the bridge to their death, but it only served to make the narrow bridge feel even narrower. There were places, however, where the wall was missing, crumbling, or half-destroyed, and there were even places where the bridge was partially destroyed as well; where sections of the main path had been broken off, and the bridge became only about half as wide. The mage seemed to have no trouble crossing those by keeping to the segments that were still intact, but for Katie, it meant forcing her legs closer together than usual, in order to keep them both on the path, and struggling to maintain her balance like that, sure that if she slipped even once, she might fall to her death.

At last, however, Katie had managed to get all the way across the long bridge, up one more ramp, and back onto solid, level ground again. Between a pair of large pillars, she'd found herself at the center of the College of Winterhold.

Large, stone tiles covered the ground at her feet, arranged in a large circle, which formed a path around the perimeter of the college. That path was surrounded by more walls and more pillars, because outside of it, there was a sheer drop, and it still made Katie feel just as uncomfortable as it had on the bridge, when she dared to look at it. Inside of that tiled path, there was a grassy area, partially covered in snow, with more tiles laid on top of it in a cross pattern. At the center of the cross, where the four points met, there was another raised platform, and even through the light snow that continued to fall all around her, Katie found herself awestruck by what she saw there.

In the center of the platform was what looked, from a distance, like a well, but as Katie got closer, she could see that the liquid in the well was bright blue, and shone with an incandescent light. The light from the liquid traveled up, through the falling snow, and faded in the air, just above the tops of the buildings that surrounded them. Illuminated beautifully by the light was a huge statue; almost twice Katie's height, and raised on a block of stone; about three and a half feet high. The statue, like the block, was made of stone, and was the figure of some beardless man in a robe and hood; probably a spellcaster, since his arms were spread apart as if to cast some powerful magic. Katie was awestruck by the sight of the thing. She hadn't seen many large statues in Skyrim yet, and had begun to wonder if the nords even had talented stonemasons at all.

However, that was when Katie heard the sound of a young woman scolding someone, coming from behind the statue. Soon, she'd peered around it, and, in its own way, the sight behind the statue didn't really impress her any less.

There was a large, wooden double-door, with supports and handles made of iron, which clearly looked like a main entrance of some sort, but what really impressed Katie were the magic lamps on each side of the door. They were tiny, floating lights, positioned over little, stone pillars, no more than a couple of feet tall each. Still, it illuminated the area a little; just enough that Katie could see the two figures standing by the door, and outlined clearly in the lights.

One of the figures was short; probably a breton, and she had a thick book in one hand. She'd been the one doing the scolding, apparently. She wore a gray robe, and Katie could tell that she was powerful, even from a distance. The other figure, however, felt equally strong. It was a gray-haired high elf man, wearing a dark green robe with gloves. He, it seemed, was the one being scolded, and even from a distance, Katie could see that he was taking it personally.

"None of that matters here." the woman said angrily, "You're only here because the archmage has taken a liking to you. If you expect any special treatment from anyone else here, you'll need to earn it, like everyone else. Now, that said, you've been given a great opportunity, just being here. I hope you'll be more appreciative of it in the future."

"Yes..." the high elf replied, though Katie could see that he practically had to force the words out through gritted teeth, "I'm very thankful to the archmage."

The breton woman didn't look as though the high elf's reply had fooled her in the least, but nevertheless, she dismissed him a moment later.

"In that case, I see no reason for this discussion to continue. You can return to your own studies now."

Then, without another word, the high elf had turned and walked back through the large doors that lead back into the college. Katie still got the distinct impression that hatred was stewing in the thalmor's heart, but she still hadn't technically become a member of the college yet, so she didn't think the time was right to voice her opinion on that thalmor mage. Instead, giving the breton woman a few seconds to calm down after her outburst, she took a couple of steps forward, soon found the breton woman greeting her in a surprisingly-cordial tone of voice.

"Hello, mage."

In any other place, Katie might have expected to find suspicious folk, who reacted oddly to her appearance and armor, but it seemed that the breton woman wasn't worried, and after a couple of seconds, Katie realized why. Apparently, she simply trusted that no one could enter the college unless they'd proven themselves at the first arch. In fact, Katie was starting to get the impression that the magic protecting the college was stronger than just one guard; however powerful a sorceress the woman might have been.

"Welcome to the College of Winterhold." the woman said, turning to face Katie with one the friendliest smiles that she'd seen in all of Skyrim; at least during a first encounter, "You can call me Mirabelle Ervine. What should I call you?"


Beyond the mods addendum; Things you can't do in-game

1. Strangely, you can't suffer the effects of wetness or coldness from being in the water, and your clothes don't get soaked.

2. You can't catch live fish in Skyrim. You need to kill them first, then harvest meat from them.

3. You can't use rags or old clothes to dry off in Skyrim.

4. You can fight a bear bare-handed in Skyrim if you want to, but you can't wrestle or squeeze it, as Katie does.

5. You can't pour potions out on the ground in Skyrim.

6. You can't exceed the expectations of the guard in Skyrim.

7. Mirabelle doesn't smile in Skyrim; at least not very often. She's as granite-faced as George Washington in the game, so I changed her personality for this story.