Everybody told me that it would get better once Kendall woke up but I really don't know whether I should believe them. It could just be the pregnancy hormones working overtime but I doubt that it is just that. I just feel like a robot, an emotionless person who just doesn't care any more.

Morning sickness is the worst part. It doesn't seem to stop much throughout the day and even at night it doesn't let me sleep. I feel so grim because of it and I think that Jen is going to work out my secret especially once I start to show.

I opened the window in the bedroom, feeling the need for fresh air.

"Jo!" Jen called, knocking on the door. "We're off to see Kendall now"

I had just thrown up so I knew I would sound unwell if I replied straight away. I gasped for air only tasting the horrible after taste of the sick and swallowed. "Okay"

After seeing Kendall at the hospital yesterday I had locked myself in Kendall's room and refused to come out. I didn't even let anyone in. Not until Cami came over and managed to persuade me to let her in and stay the night. But ever since she had left for her latest audition earlier this morning I haven't left the room, choosing to throw up in the bin rather than seeing Jen and risk her finding out.

If Kendall doesn't get better and doesn't remember me then I will be alone in this. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I really hope that that will not happen. I hope my Kendall will return me. I just don't know long I can wait.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with?" Jen asked "I'm sure it was strange for Kendall waking up and getting all his senses working again. It was probably just shock"

"I'm sure" I croaked, my throat is really dry and there is that horrible taste. "Please just go. I'm not going to change my mind" I closed my eyes to force back more tears. I just need to be alone.

"Well if you're sure...see you later" She said sounding a bit upset.

I don't think I convinced her. But I also couldn't tell her the real reason why I don't want to see Kendall is because of that nightmare where he had forgotten that we were dating and instead thought he was dating Lucy. She would probably think I am being silly, thinking my nightmare would come true.

I listened as she walked away but I didn't move until I had heard her close the front door behind her and lock it. Then I finally left Kendall's room because I knew I was definitely alone. The guys I think are off doing some prep for a interview or a photo shoot or something so at least they are not here to try to look after me and Katie was going to the hospital with Jen.

I glanced at myself in the hallway mirror and almost gave myself a fright. I looked so deathly pale white and dreadful due to the lovely morning sickness I've been experiencing lately and the stress. So I've been hiding away because I don't want Jen to notice that I am not feeling well at all and I don't want her to feel that she has to look after me when she should just be focusing on Kendall for now.

I can look after myself. I need her to help Kendall so I can focus on getting prepared for my baby.

I feel a little bit better now that the morning sickness has subsided a bit. Okay still not a hundred percent but as long as I don't throw up for a bit I think I will be able to survive this. This won't be for the whole pregnancy will it? I don't think I can cope if it will.

I poured myself a glass of water and settled down on the sofa with my laptop balanced on my knees. I flipped it open and tapped it with my nails as I waited for it to boot up. I decided to begin looking at baby stuff but there is a lot stuff that I am without doubt that I am going to need and i have no idea where to begin.

I sighed putting my head in my hands. I guess I have to tell Jen that she is going to be a Nana soon. Especially if I want any hope of being prepared for being someone's mum. I can't do it alone. What is the best way to do that? I can't exactly blurt it out in conversation and with Kendall being in the hospital...But when will be the right time to tell her? When the baby is born maybe? No that's too mean I need to tell her soon. She may be able to give me some remedy for this horrible sickness. Or at least she will be able to help me buy all the right things plus I can't hide this for much longer especially if the sickness gets worse, Jen will figure it out after all she's been pregnant twice she'll see the signs before I realise.

A searing pain shot through my stomach, it felt like someone was stabbing me with a boiling hot knife. I closed my eyes willing the pain to disappear...