Notes: So sorry for how much the updates have slowed down. My job is kicking me in the ass. Hard. On a side note, I am really disappointed at how little Shaytham fanart there is. (Though, what does exist is gorgeous, especially Sunsetagain's work.) Anyway, I'm probably going to go back and edit the older chapters before I add more. There's a few mistakes I'm seeing now. Thanks for all the comments and whatnot so far! :3
Warning for explicit smut in this chapter!
Chapter 28: Something Worth Fighting For
Shay stared vacantly at the ceiling in his room at the Green Dragon. Connor was there, telling a story about how he and his friends got chased by a bear in the woods once, but Shay wasn't really listening. The only coherent thought in his mind was of how absolutely miserable he was. Once again he'd survived yet another near-death experience, and frankly he wondered if he'd be better off dead this time. He failed himself, and the Templar Order. He knew damn well that going after Laurent was foolish at best, and suicide at the worst. Liam had explicitly warned him not to go. Still, he went – like a petulant child disobeying its parents just because they said 'no'. Not for the first time, he questioned his actual value to the Order. He was a burden to them now, that was all. What had he actually accomplished since that last fight with Liam? Nothing, unless he counted dragging Haytham into his despair. Well, it was more like Haytham had invited himself to his hopeless pity party, but still.
What was his purpose now, anyway? Originally, Shay had been driven by the need to stop the Assassins from causing any more incidents like the destruction of Lisbon and Haiti. ...But what now? Did he even really believe in the Templar ideals, or was he using it as an excuse to avoid admitting to himself that he had no idea which way was up anymore?
"Shay?" Shay did his best to will away the crippling self-loathing for the moment, and turned his gaze to Haytham who was standing in the doorway. How long had he been there, Shay wondered and made no effort to reply. Haytham sighed and seated himself on the edge of Shay's bed, shooing Connor from the room. He gave them both a dirty look and left. Neither of them said a word for several moments, until Haytham finally broke the silence.
"Liam and I will be leaving with Gist in the morning to investigate a lead on Laurent's accomplice." He explained. Shay merely nodded, and disgustedly resigned himself to at least a week with only Ben and Connor for company. Given a choice, he'd prefer to throw himself off that cliff in the homestead all over again rather than face that particular reality. Not, Connor – obviously. Ben, Shay resented. He hated to admit it, but he was jealous. Jealous of who, though? Liam for spending time with Haytham, or the other way around? ...And why did he even given a shite? He didn't deserve either of them. He never had.
"Shay, I can stay. I could send Charles in my place. It is hardly a high-risk job, and most likely will prove to be a bloody complete waste of time." Haytham said, obviously sensing Shay's distress.
"No. Just – just go, Sir." Shay snapped at him, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
"No," Haytham said quietly and smoothed Shay's hair out of his face. "Maybe it would be best if I stayed."
"Damn it! Just go! You have an obligation to the Order to sort this out. That's more important than sittin' here with me." Shay countered in an icy tone. "If anythin', I should be doin' it! This is my mess, and I should be the one cleanin' it up."
"Let it go, Shay. I am not abandoning my responsibilities. I have a personal obligation to look after you as well." Haytham insisted. "Besides, we have no concrete evidence that this job will result in any useful information ...Never mind that if I leave you alone with Church, I would not be surprised to return and find that you have killed each other in my absence."
"That mightn't be a bad thing." Shay replied, relaxing a bit. He wanted Haytham to stay, but he half hoped he'd go since it was killing him for Haytham to see him like this. It was pathetic. He couldn't even sit up without help. "...Can you promise me somethin', Haytham?" Shay asked, looking up to meet his eyes.
"What is it?"
"If... If I manage to get myself killed before you do, throw my arse overboard somewhere I've never sailed. The Morrigan is the only place I call home. I don't want to be buried in this rat hole." Shay said with a somewhat pessimistic tone. Again, they fell into an uncomfortable silence and Haytham eventually answered with a stiff nod of his head.
"Don't you even think of dying on me. Not now; not after all of this." Haytham commented when he obviously couldn't stand the silence any longer.
"Not today." Shay said gruffly. How was it that he could go from wishing he were dead, to praying for immortality? It never ceased to amaze him how much of a hold Haytham had on him. It wasn't a bad thing, really. It gave him direction – something to cling to. ...Something to protect, to fight for. It was a little scary to think about it, but if all else failed he'd follow Haytham's lead – no matter what.
"So what next, after we put an end to these bastards?" Shay asked, not really caring about the answer. It was silly, but he just wanted to hear Haytham's voice.
"Right now, I do not have any specific plans. We need to do something to stabilize the colonists' relations with the Crown, though." Haytham told him, stating the obvious.
"The others, they all know about us now – don't they?" Shay finally said, glancing back up at the ceiling. Laying there was driving him mad. He didn't have the patience to read the pile of books Haytham had left him.
"Aye... I had a bit of a crisis over the state of you." Haytham responded. "However, I am relatively certain they all firmly believe I will murder them if they cannot keep their comments to themselves. I think they knew anyway. We did a rather pitiful job of hiding it, truth be told."
"I'm sorry I scared you, Sir." Shay told him with a weak smile.
"Nothing to worry about. You are still with me, after all."
As the days passed, some of Shay's strength began to return. Still, his room felt like a prison cell. He spent most of his time sleeping, when Haytham wasn't with him. With sleep came the usual slew of nightmares, but that was preferable to being awake and lost in thoughts of how badly he'd cocked up this time. He must have replayed the scene with Laurent in his mind a hundred times over. He was convinced that he was missing something. But how much, and how accurately did he remember? Did he imagine the woman he saw in the distance? Was she merely a hallucination, the last thing he saw before death nearly took him? He didn't know, but for some reason it haunted him. With a sigh, he glanced out the window at the heavily falling snow outside. At least he was warm under his blankets, and there was some amusement to be had at the others' expense.
Shay never minded the winter. William despised the cold and had become something of a recluse, never leaving his spot next to the hearth in the tavern proper. Thomas... Well, Haytham had found him drunk and half frozen in more than one ditch. They'd taken bets on how long it'd be before they found him frozen to death with a bottle of liquor still clutched in his hands. Ben had caught a nasty flu from one of his patients and managed to pass it along to John, leaving Haytham to look after Shay. Shay didn't mind that one bit. Haytham had a steadier hand, and wasn't a complete arse when he asked for help with something or other. Honestly, Shay would wager a great deal of money that Ben was prodding him a bit too hard on purpose when he changed his bandages. He sincerely hoped he'd have an excuse to stab him one day. Really, he'd settle for beating him senseless at this point.
"Did you want something to eat?" Shay hadn't even noticed Haytham watching as he stared into space.
"No; when are the others due back?" He asked.
"Truthfully, they should have been back now." Haytham told him with a frown. "I am hoping it is merely the weather delaying their return. Ah well, I will change your dressing and you can have something to eat whether you want it or not."
"They're numberin' the waves. The only way they're goin' to find somethin' is if Laurent wanted us to. He never left anythin' to chance, and cut every loose thread." Shay told Haytham as he helped him sit up and slip off his nightshirt.
"Maybe, but he's never crossed me before." Haytham replied and undid the previous day's bandages. It was healing quickly, now. Shay was well aware that this was the type of injury that would never quite heal entirely, not unlike Haytham's ever so slight limp from being stabbed by Lucio. Either way, he'd be back on his feet soon enough. Really though, how many times was he going to have get shot before he died?
"...Stop that!" Shay whined, as Haytham leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. It was bad enough letting him tend his wound. Haytham's touch did unmentionable things to him... Things he wasn't sure he had the the stamina to properly deal with.
"So sorry, what did you say?" Haytham purred and nipped at his throat. Shay cursed under his breath and swatted him away.
"Don't be a damned tease." Shay mumbled, and Haytham only chuckled quietly before nibbling on the tip of Shay's ear. "...Really, who'd have thought a Templar Grandmaster would be such an incorrigible trull?"
"Mind your manners, Shay." Haytham hissed and threw his coat over the back of the chair beside Shay's bed.
Shay raised his eyebrows questioningly. "What are you on about? You know I can't do anythin' like this."
"Which is exactly why you are going to behave yourself and allow me do it." Haytham replied and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, like he was about to participate in some sort of particularly dirty work. Shay fought not to laugh, and nearly choked on his breath as Haytham took him in a deep, heated kiss. Shay thought he might have literally downed in it by the time it ended.
"You know something, Shay... I am not sure how or when it happened at this point, but I have come to need this beyond any sense of reason or logic." Haytham said in a husky whisper, and the words undid Shay nearly as much as his touch. Had anyone ever told him that he was needed? No, not that he could recall. It was always him that needed others.
"Sir, I -"
"Shh!"
Shay gasped and let his head fall back against the pillow as Haytham threw the covers off him, and trailed hot kisses across his chest. He nearly lost it when Haytham nibbled at the nipple that wasn't covered with bandages and cupped his hardened length in his hand. In truth, he needed this too. He hadn't even really thought about it, but he was desperate for release. It wasn't the first time he wondered if the sex was the only thing keeping him sane. He hadn't had the chance to fall into his hopeless routine of internal apathy, not when all it took to distract him was a kiss or a soft touch in just the right place. ...Was it just distraction, though? Did he really love Haytham?
I do, he thought without a hint of doubt, and mewled like a cat in heat as Haytham swallowed him whole. He hadn't been expecting that. Haytham had mostly come to terms with his slight insecurity over engaging in a homosexual relationship (as far as Shay could tell), but he was still very reserved in how he went about it, and not all that comfortable in a submissive position yet. So this, even though Shay knew he'd never admit it, was a huge step for him to take. He somehow managed not to whine in disappointment when Haytham stopped for a moment, obviously stifling a gag.
"Take it slower, and just the tip." Shay told him encouragingly. "It takes a bit o' practice."
"You will have to give me a proper instruction when it won't kill you to get on your knees." Haytham drawled and sucked experimentally at the head of Shay's cock.
"I'd – Oh... I'd be glad to." He mumbled in response, drowning in the glorious sensation of Haytham's ministrations.
"I look forward to it," Haytham whispered and dragged his tongue against the length of Shay's erection. He tangled his fingers into Haytham's hair and sighed in bliss. Haytham's uncertain, but confident movements were undoing him far faster than Shay wanted to admit. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Haytham unbutton his trousers and take his own cock in a firm grip. That, he had to admit, was a wondrous sight. Vacantly he wondered of Haytham would let him watch him masturbate, and nearly spilled himself as he sucked a little harder.
"Sir, I'm goin' to -" Haytham squeezed Shay's cock hard and brushed his lips across the tip. Shay gasped and arched his back, ignoring the stab of pain in his chest from the sudden movement.
"I appreciate the warning, but do go ahead and come for me, Shay." Haytham demanded. "I want to taste you," He added in a sultry murmur, and stroked himself roughly as he took Shay into his mouth again. Shay mumbled a few broken endearments as Haytham pulled him over the edge with a long, hard suck and swallowed every last drop of his seed. For a moment, Shay just lay there panting.
"Hm. Curious." Haytham said seemingly to himself. "I enjoyed that more than I thought I would."
Shay barely managed to stifle an almost girlish giggle. The way that Haytham took an analytical, almost scientific, approach to sex never ceased to amuse him. "Let me help you with that." Shay mumbled and wrapped his hand around Haytham's arousal. He moaned softly and lay down beside Shay to make it easier. He let Haytham bury his face in his shoulder, and kiss him lightly on the throat. Shay rested his cheek on Haytham's forehead, and stroked him in a fast, even rhythm. It didn't take long for him to spill himself in Shay's hand, chanting his name in a broken whimper. It was then that Shay realized he needn't be so worried about Haytham perceiving him as weak. After all, the Templar Grandmaster had no qualms about letting Shay see him fall to pieces with a few skilled touches. He was learning to trust, little by little. Shay knew it would take time before Haytham truly let his guard down, but he was definitely getting there – one baby step at a time.
"Stay with me tonight," He whispered, and kissed Haytham gently on the forehead.
"I already said that I would. My, you are needy." Haytham replied with a quiet chuckle and carefully shoved Shay over onto his side so he could snuggle up to his back. "Get some rest, I will not go anywhere."
"Haytham?"
"Yes?"
"I love you." Shay said in a whisper.
"I love you, too." Haytham replied so quietly that Shay wasn't entirely sure he'd said it at first. "...If you make me repeat that, you can sleep alone." He added, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Shay smiled to himself, knowing that Haytham would rather swallow an eel that admit such a thing. Yes, definitely a solid step in the right direction.
Numbering the waves – wasting time
Trull – a whore
