*The snippet of a song that appears in this chapter is "Collide", by Howie Day. It's been one of Don and Jen's songs in the back of my head ever since "Of Hope and New Faces", and it felt appropriate to come out now.
Opening his eyes was a painful process for Donatello. The brightness seemed to cut through his retinas like laser beams, so that he immediately clenched his eyelids shut. He could hear voices that sounded extremely muffled, until they rose far enough in intensity to make it past the plugs that felt like they were blocking his ears.
The excitement he sensed from the tones was so strange that it made him curious. The emotion grounded Donatello further in his sense of self, and he came to realize that he'd been injured significantly. His mind was slow to respond as he tried to remember what had happened and identify how he'd been hurt. The task was overwhelmingly difficult. He was still trying to work things out internally when he felt strong pressure grasping his arm.
I can feel, he recognized. How long has it been?
"Don, open your eyes for me."
Do I have to?
"C'mon, Donny, give me some sign you're in there! Open your eyes!"
It was a sound like sheer desperation in one of his brother's voices that convinced him to try once more. Through a concentrated effort that required painful focus, Donatello opened bleary brown eyes again. Nothing registered right away. The light had greatly diminished but the shapes that remained were indistinct and fuzzy.
Don blinked rapidly, and realized that someone was trying to get his attention. He stared hard at the figure standing over him. The flash of blue and green gradually expanded, turning into his oldest brother's familiar form.
I recognize him; good. I can start there.
"Hey, Don, stay with me, okay?" Leo urged. "Doc's coming; he'll be here in a minute."
Donny gazed blankly at his brother, incapable of verbally responding or giving him the reassuring look that he wanted to provide. I'm in here. I'm still around. I just have to get out somehow.
The slam of a door startled him, though he had no power to jolt. It took a couple more seconds before Luke entered his line of sight, with one of the most perplexing expressions Donatello had ever seen. He read both elation and fear in Luke's eyes.
What's he so afraid of? I must have missed something big. Need to catch up.
"Hi, Donny. It's really good to see you." Luke's voice was soothing, and had the effect of drawing peace back over the turtle like a warm blanket.
Questions still buzzed around his mind, but they faded slightly into background noise as Luke began probing him gently.
"Can you move your fingers, Don?" Luke asked.
Donatello looked down, glimpsing the cast on his left wrist for the first time. Mentally he commanded fingers to contract, but nothing happened. He stared at his wrist for a little longer, before turning the focus on his right arm. It didn't appear to be injured, but it was no more willing to move. He looked up at Luke helplessly.
"Its okay, Donny," the man assured him. "Don't worry."
"He can't move, Doc?"
Don was surprised to hear another voice behind the doctor, this one more reminiscent of Michelangelo. His vision only extended far enough to take in the man who was directly beside him.
"It's going to take time for him to get some function back, Mike. There are a lot of tests to perform, but the hardest…"
Donatello never heard the rest of what Luke was telling his younger brother. His mind was fading like a car engine that was running out of gas and stalling to a stop. Part of him wanted to cling to consciousness, afraid to let go lest darkness prevent him from waking up again.
He wasn't given a choice in the matter. As both hearing and vision faltered, Donatello had one last brief sensation of something resting against his cheek. It was both cool and comforting at the same time, providing a peaceful sendoff as he floated away again.
The following span of time was confusing, and he couldn't be sure if any of it was real. Pictures ran through his mind and sensations sparked through his nerves, but he was incapable of digesting any of it. Don never knew if the voices were actually inside the room, or if they were only in his head.
Some of the dreams felt so tangible he assumed that they had to be real, but the actions he performed inside the scenarios proved that they weren't. I can't move, he reminded himself groggily. I can't do any of those things.
For the most part, Donatello had to content himself with darkness. He was too tired to continually fight his way back to the surface, or to deal with the confusing condition in which he found his body. Caught up in the visions of his subconscious, he wasn't limited or restrained in any way. He could run and fly, in a manner that made him feel free of the burden his body had become. Voices occasionally penetrated through the deep layer of apathy, and made him want to emerge. They're not giving up on me. I can't quit either.
Something sharp made contact with his left foot, and Don surprised himself by jerking his ankle.
"That was a good reaction."
The turtle forced his way through the glass wall that separated him from the real world, and he blinked as he felt himself coming back down to Earth. Donatello saw Luke, but the doctor wasn't looking at him. He tracked the man with his eyes, and discovered that Luke was talking to someone else.
"A response to painful stimuli is exactly what we want to see, Greg. It means that he isn't paralyzed."
I can move? Then why isn't my body listening to me?
Luke turned his direction again, and the man's blue eyes widened when he found the turtle gazing at him. "Hi there, Donny. Did you feel me messing with you?"
The turtle wanted to ask a million questions, but he couldn't even open his mouth.
"Let's resort to some yes or no answers, all right?" Luke suggested. "You know how this works. Since you can open and close your eyes, it will be really simple. Two blinks for yes, and one for no. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Don dutifully blinked for him.
"Good. Can you feel my hand?" Luke rested his palm on Donatello's ankle first, and slowly worked his way up his frame.
Donatello gazed at Luke longingly and could feel his brow furrowing in consternation.
"Patience, Donny." Luke squeezed his right wrist. "I'm pretty sure the function is there, you just have to wait on it. You're awake, you understand me, and that's better than I could have hoped for."
What part of this is good? I've got no clue what happened, or what's wrong with me.
"I understand it's extremely frustrating, Don, but if you only knew where you've been…you'd be relieved like the rest of us," Luke told him.
I'd settle for you telling me what's going on. Please?
"There are a lot of things we need to do, but we're going to take it slow, and give you plenty of room to breathe. I don't want you to get discouraged up front, Donny. You're dealing with a very serious injury that we haven't been able to completely assess. But we're with you for the long haul, okay?"
Donatello wanted to sigh, but he couldn't muster a sound any more than he could move.
"In the meantime, everyone is chomping at the bit to see you," Luke continued. "Don't worry – I'm not going to unleash them all at once. If I don't let Jen in though, she'll strangle me where I stand."
Jen? Where is she? Has she been here? I can't remember.
Donatello heard the squeal that came from the wheels of the chair, and tried to follow Luke with his eyes as the man went across the room. He waited impatiently for the door to open again, and instinctively commanded himself to roll over to face the entrance. He growled inwardly at his inability, but the sound he could only produce inside his head cut off the instant he heard footsteps.
Jenna was there; more beautiful than any of the mental images his mind had conjured over the past hours. The woman smiled and he wanted to melt, to jump up and take her in his arms. She lowered herself into a chair instead, and scooted over to sit beside him.
"Hi, Donny. Doc says you know what's going on. I can't tell you how glad I am to see you." Jenna seemed hesitant as she reached out to touch him, almost like she was afraid of hurting him.
It would be worth it, he thought ruefully, as he fought with the muscles in his face to give her a look, something that would tell her everything would be all right. The feeling of her fingers brushing against his jaw was one of the most exhilarating things he'd ever experienced. When she started to withdraw her hand, he ached to tell her to leave it, that he never wanted to be abandoned in the barren wasteland of his mind again.
"He says you're in there, and I believe it," Jenna told him. "I can feel it. I'll wait for you, Donny. I don't care how long it takes."
What did I ever do to deserve this woman?
"I love you so much, and I didn't know if I was going to get the chance to tell you again. When I think about that night I fell asleep, when I should have stayed up waiting for you, I just wanna kill myself."
For the second time Don felt his forehead creasing. This can't be your fault, Jen. I don't want to hear you talk like that.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "There are things coming out of my mouth that I shouldn't even say. I'm so happy you're awake, I can just shut up. I don't need to talk at all."
I love your voice. I always have, even since the first day when your accent surprised me. There's nothing I'd rather do than listen to you.
"I could prattle on all night if they let me, but Doc says that you need to rest."
I don't want to rest. Talk to me, Jen. None of these things matter as much with you here.
"Are you tired, Donny? You can tell me to be quiet. Do that thing with your eyes like Doc said."
His eyes merely widened, as he hoped he was communicating that she couldn't be more wrong.
"Do you want me to stay, Don?"
He gave her the appropriate response with two blinks. Always.
"Then I won't let Doc or anyone else tear me away. You can go to sleep when you get sick of me."
Where are you getting these crazy ideas?
The young woman looked over her shoulder toward the door, and for a disappointing moment, he thought she was going to leave.
"I've had a song running through my head for two days, ever since I found out you'd opened your eyes. Do you want to hear it?"
Is that how long it's been? And you've been here, when I didn't even know it. He blinked in a way that he hoped captured his true eagerness.
She smiled at him fondly, smoothing dark hair to the side of her face before taking a small breath.
"The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you.
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again.
***
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I finally find you and I collide."
Donatello gazed at her steadily as she finished, wishing he could say something. Her hand rested on his arm, and he could see tears developing in her eyes.
"I'm sorry I doubted, Donny. There have been a couple of times when I wondered if you'd pull through. Now you're here, and all I want to do is kiss you and make you feel better somehow."
Wow. It must have been really bad. I can't stand that she's feeling any guilt over this. Jen needs to know that, but how am I supposed to tell her? As he put effort into attempting to speak, he was met by a giant roadblock that made him feel wearier for trying to concentrate. No. I'm not falling asleep again, not with her here. This isn't happening.
As if she could sense the inner turmoil, Jenna rested her hand on his cheek once more. "I'm going to be here for you no matter what, Don. I won't leave you. I won't get tired of waiting. I love you, and I'll stay with you."
Donatello closed his eyes as she leaned down to kiss him, glorying in the softness of her lips even though he couldn't reciprocate. Silky black strands of her hair brushed his face, surrounding him in her familiar fragrance.
She rose with another smile. "You're stuck with me, Donny," she said matter-of-factly.
His heart swelled as his muscles relaxed from the tension of trying to perform some kind of action. As he held her eyes, Donatello could literally feel some more freedom returning to his face, and his lips turned as he managed a smile for her.
Jenna's dam burst in an instant with a half sob. He wanted to wipe away her tears, but he had to satisfy himself with trying to hold on to the smile, until the effort was too great for him to keep his eyes open any longer.
