Your Heart Is A Mess
~o~
"Pick apart
The pieces of your heart
And let me peer inside
Let me in
Where only your thoughts have been
Let me occupy your mind
As you do mine
You have lost
Too much love
To fear, doubt and distrust
(It's not enough)
You just threw away the key
To your heart
You don't get burned
('Cause nothing gets through)
It makes it easier
(Easier on you)
But that much more difficult for me
To make you see...
Love ain't fair
So there you are
My love
Your heart's a mess
You won't admit to it
It makes no sense
But I'm desperate to connect
And you, you can't live like this
Love ain't safe
You won't get hurt if you stay chaste
So you can wait
But I don't wanna waste my love"
~"Heart's A Mess" by Gotye
"Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love."
~"Marriage and Love" by Emma Goldman
September- December 1541
"They won't be offended" Mary promised, murmuring against his ear. Purring with pleasure as Edward's lips moved over hers, tasting her, drawing forth the sweet nectar of her soul. Reaching up she lowered his handsome face down and helped him push her legs apart to start his ministrations.
She hated doing this to her children but he was hot for her as he had never been. He took her in his arms and did hot, passionate sex that night.
"Indeed they will be offended after having kept them in line for so long now, my dear Edward set them free now. Let them run around free of their nurses, Annie is recovered. She will be gentle around her sister."
"Mmmm." Edward savored the taste of her sweet cavern, everything about her incited him, she was magnetic.
"Oh" Mary's body arched holding on tightly to the sheets then moving her hairs around his golden hairs. "Ah, ah … Ned that's it … more, more darling more!"
The children heard unperturbed their mother's screams and howls, begging Ned not to stop until he came from her delicious cavern, tasting the wet juices that trickled from his lips and kissed her lips, devouring her entire mouth, bringing himself deeper and deeper into her …
"You are not going to catch me!" Charlie and the young Prince tagged their cousin. Meggie chased after them, Edward flashed her a winning smile but her eyes turned to Charlie whom she tried to charm.
He linked his arm around hers when he declared her the winner of their game and carried her, bridal style, to the bench near a pond and remarked how beautiful she was getting. "You are very beautiful too My Lord." Margaret kissed his nose. Charlie blushed and his hands cupped her face to give her a small kiss on each of her cheeks.
Edward tugged on his sister, Elizabeth's sleeve. "Why is it that I can't get the girl Lizzy?" He asked, using his favorite nickname for her.
Elizabeth shrugged. She really hadn't paid attention. "I don't know brother, maybe she prefers cheeky blonds."
"I am blond."
"But you are not cheeky like former fat boy there."
"Someday I am going to marry her." Elizabeth laughed. "It is true, one day Lizzy you will see, I am going to marry her and she is going to bring me many good babies like her mother."
Elizabeth mentally shook her head but went along with Edward.
Meggie invited her Aunt, Elizabeth to play with her and Charlie but Bess was not a fan of childish games. She declined and returned to her cousin and niece's side, Anne. She preferred her company over the rest of her nieces, after Kitty she was her favorite cousin.
"What do you have there?" She asked tilting her head curiously at the black leather book sitting on Anne's lap.
"Oh this? Do not tell my mother but I took it from Margaret's things, she already finished it so I don't think she will mind." She explained. "It is an older edition of William Tyndale's English bible, I have written some commentaries on it on each chapter. Would you like to see?"
"Of course." Anne handed her the book and Elizabeth began to scan through the pages, her cousin's commentaries were brilliant. She could be a scholar if she wished. It was a pity she would one day have to marry like the rest of us. "I think you could add more here on the left, see on the page where it says about the truths of the New Testament?"
"I had not noticed it before, I guess I could but then it would seem to much, wouldn't it?"
"Nay, of course not. You just do what I do, encode each word with the first two letters or use the last letter of each word so no one will know what you've written."
"My, cousin that is brilliant!" Anne exclaimed and began to do as Elizabeth suggested, they had filled the pages with encoded messages by the time the sun set.
"I didn't know we could do so much, we've filled the entire book."
"And that it is the only the beginning, I have many books like this one, you are welcome to have them when you want." Elizabeth offered.
Anne's face lightened up, her mother did not allow her to read most of this stuff, she guessed it just brought too many painful memories. "Of course, you know the answer to that, do you have some of them now?"
Elizabeth and Anne chuckled. They raced to the castle where her sister and her husband and the rest of her nieces and nephews were waiting for them. After dinner, Elizabeth presented her with a large trunk. She brought it all the way from Hatfield –she explained. "I always bring my favorites with mine, father and my instructors tell me that a life without knowledge is not worth living, I would like to think the same with you."
"My mother hardly lets me read any of the forbidden books. She says they are a bad influence on me but I think it's really she does not want to visit that dark corner of her past." Anne explained scanning through the books until she found some that could be useful for her studies.
"Those are my favorites too." Elizabeth said and then closed her trunk and helped Anne hide her books underneath her bed and in other places her mother and her servants would never check.
"You think of her sometimes?" Anne asked her, curious.
"Sometimes but I barely remember her except she had an electric presence and her smile was magnetic, just seeing her made you want to smile. Do you remember your father?"
Anne smiled at the mention of her Aunt, she did not want to tell Elizabeth she had been with her Aunt the last minutes before her death and the harsh truths she had told her about her mother and her affair with Lord Hertford at the time.
"A little, sometimes I will dream of him and wake up and imagine the place we used to be, Princess Elizabeth and me and Arthur the King's favorite grandsons, above Charlie and Kate but I figured it is useless to live in fantasies so I decide not to ponder on them anymore."
Elizabeth nodded. "A wise decision. Kat tells me it is useless to remain in the past, we must look forward and keep moving forward."
Anne nodded, smiling encouragingly and called on her servants to change them into their nightshifts. Since she arrived she and Bess would sleep together. They did everything together, there wasn't a thing that Mary remembered they did not do together.
Mary smiled a small smile and came bidding them goodnights and making sure they said their prayers before falling asleep. Bess she said them in English but Annie she said them in Latin like her mother taught her. After she left she said them in English and then blew out the candles and drifted off into sleep.
She voiced her concerns to Edward over how their children were becoming more distant. She wondered if they could have more children after this one. Edward agreed another child would be good for their marriage but he mentioned he had everything he wanted right here with them, placing his hand on her swollen stomach.
"Whatever it is, boy or girl I am sure it will heal our marriage." Edward said and kissed her lips, devouring every inch of them and capturing her tongue, forcing into submission.
"How is that I became so fortunate in finding you?"
Mary asked, kissing him back. Edward lightly smirked and bit pushed down her nightgown from her shoulder and bit down, taking in the aroma of the Jasmine fragrance her sister Bella had given her for her twenty fifth birthday.
"I love you" She said closing her eyes and feeling the blood in her veins begin to boil as he put her on her back and started to lower himself down, pushing her legs and sucking her sweet juices.
"I know." Was his answer, and then sent her a tremor down her spine as she felt the wild, exploratory movements of his tongues.
She closed her eyes and opened them the next morning to watch her youngest cub, Henry, between them. "There, there little cub, time to go to bed" She cooed but he said "no" with one loud roar.
Henry smiled at his son. He picked him up and took him to his bed, he kicked and screamed and sent deadly glares to his mother. She soothed and told him it was time he got to sleep in his own bed.
"I no wanna" he said tossing and turning as she tried to calm him down. "Sleep papa … you."
"But you must sleep in your crib, otherwise everyone will say you are not big boy. You don't want them to say you are not big boy do you?"
He shook his head. "Then go back to sleep my love." She said leaning down to kiss his forehead and finally he closed his eyes and slept soundly for the remainder of the day. She then went to Eleanor, she was less than one but she was already thriving and though small, she was stronger for her age.
Last week she ripped the cap Maggie had made for her. She hated all things that were pink or blue, like the men in her family she was proud and only felt comfortable around rich colors and those that better displayed her features.
She was too young to be interested in such things, but the girls in her family had started vain young. Maggie thought, thinking of Katherine Howard.
She put a new cap on her daughter's head, this time she didn't tore it to pieces as the fabric was stronger and Maggie showed it to her before putting it. It was green and white, the Tudor colors.
"Now you look like a Princess." Maggie exclaimed holding her daughter and rocking her in her arms. Eleanor giggled and raised her arms, her eyes with great curiosity at her mother's strawberry blond curls. Her hair was almost the same with two big difference, it was easier to brush and it was a pure blond not dirty blond like her Aunt and step-grandmother, the Queen, Katherine Howard but a rich silver blond like her father's.
"You will be a true Howard someday." The baby seemed to understand laughed more. "But not day, today you are my darling sweetheart, my heartthrob. I wish you never grow up sweet Nora because life is not easy for Howard girls. Look at your Aunt, your grandfather is no longer in love with her but he can't divorce her because she amuses him too much but she can't give him what he wants the most, another son to keep the Tudor line safe. I hope your hair turns auburn like your Aunts, you would be much happier as a Tudor than a Howard."
The babe had fallen asleep with her mother's retelling of the Howard Queens. Maggie kissed her daughter's forehead and took the cap from her head and put her back in her basinet and pushed the covers to her neck, making sure that she was warm.
She went to Thomas, her oldest son. A true lion, less proud and brash unlike his father and grandfather whom he was named after. "Mother" Always so formal her boy said, bobbing a curtsey for his mother. "What are you doing here? I thought you said that we were going to visit Her Majesty? I have told the servants to pack my important belongings as you instructed."
Maggie smiled in approval. "I did, didn't I? But I had to see that your brother and sister were comfortable."
"Mother are you alright? You do not sound alright. Is something wrong? Can I help?" The boy offered.
"No my little lord, I am afraid not. I was just thinking, that is all. Now let's go, the driver is waiting for us. Have you said your farewells to your father?"
"I did but it will not be a farewell, we shan't be long this time like last, will we?"
"No, but just in case it is always good you do Thomas."
"Yes mother" The boy grabbed his mother's hand and led her outside where the carriage was waiting for them. She said her last goodbye to Henry before they boarded.
Henry reminded his son to be respectful to his grandfather and to be respectful at all times, no matter what his opinion, on the Queen.
Thomas nodded and was helped inside by his parents. "I love you, don't wait for me. I will be back soon." She told her husband and gave him a last kiss.
Henry waved at them and screamed "I love you" but the carriage was already out of sight. He had waited too long. He hoped that the Queen would not keep them busy this time, whenever his cousin called it could only mean trouble or that she wanted to be self-indulged.
His father was getting tired of her but the King loved to keep her. He had faced the facts that he was not likely to get a son at this point of his life, but she was fun to have around. It was a shame that Katherine could not think the same. She wanted to be considered seriously and desired nothing more than to give the King a son. Inviting his grandsons and youngest offspring was a way to fill that empty hole inside her.
Thomas practiced his curtsy to his grandfather. He was a very old man whose waist had become more narrowed by all the sweet cakes he ate but he still looked the tall and imposing figure his mother remembered from her childhood days.
"Father, so good to see you, Your Majesty." She said calling him by the two titles he always held in her heart.
"My youngest Grace, how you've grown." He looked at the tiny bump below. "You are breeding again child?"
"I am hardly a child any longer father and yes I am breeding. Courtesy of my lord husband, the Earl of Surrey." She said, her eyes twinkling. Kitty felt some envy, she wished she could be so lucky to have a fertile husband but she could not stay angry at Maggie for so long, she had a gentle soul and gentle manners that made it impossible for anyone to hold a grudge against her.
"Ah, I know, you are a woman now with a family of your own but you must remember my dear, for me you will always be my sweet and gentle child. How I've missed you." He said kissing each of her cheeks. He looked down at her grandson. "So this is the future Earl. Hello there my little lord."
"Your Majesty." Thomas said, nervous, bobbing a curtsy, then to his wife, he did the same. "'Tis a pleasure to meet you, Your Majesties."
"Meet us? Don't you remember me child? I was there for your Catholic Christening last year."
Kitty giggled and placed her hand on Henry's shoulder, gently helping him up with Maggie. "Henry that was sooooo long ago, the boy was only three."
"I remembered everything when I was three." Henry interjected out but seeing his grandson hung his head, lowering his eyes, he rephrased. "But I had a strict father who would chastise me if I did not say all ten commandments right." The women laughed. "Welcome to court My Lord, I hope you enjoy your stay here. Darling" He turned to his wife. "Bring him his present."
Kitty nodded and called for her ladies to bring her grandson his present.
"Your Majesty is too gracious, you did not have too father. Me and Henry spoil him enough as it is, not to mention his other grandfather," But Henry held up his hand.
Two ladies came holding a straw basket with a green, silver and purple ribbon on top, the Tudor colors and the color of Royalty.
Thomas looked at it nervously then looked up, his gaze moving from his mother, to his grandfather and the Queen.
"Open it." Kitty said, she could barely contain her excitement.
"Open it." Henry encouraged pushing his grandson slightly forward.
Thomas opened the lid and his face lit up with excitement as he saw the black puppy jump from his basket to his chest; he wrapped his arms around the puppy gently as this licked his face.
He could not contain his excitement but remembering his father's words, he stood up and bowed his head once again in respect to Their Majesties, especially to his grandfather and thanked him for such a wonderful gift.
Henry let go of his cane and carried his son to the sofa and placed him on his lap. He was not very heavy as his older cousin, Charlie and he was much more serious. Lately Henry welcomed seriousness, except when he was with his wife, he was fun to be around with and she always amused him.
Kitty took this opportunity to link her arm around Maggie's and led her to her chambers where her ladies were waiting for them. They crowded around her and squealed, happy that she was back among them.
When she told them she was with child, they squealed harder, almost deafening her. Kitty cleared her throat and proposed a toast. "To Margaret and her child, may the good Lord grant her more sons and beautiful daughters like our Lady Eleanor!"
They clapped in approval and drank to Maggie's happiness.
"How can you stand them?" Bella asked her once. It was easy, when you were in a crowd filled with idiots you simply shut your common sense and turn the other way.
Bella was there to assist her sister with the birth. Mary struggled against the pain that came with her last contraction, her pain was constant and sharp and she hoped that it would end soon.
With one last push the child slid from her body, Mary sighed in relief and laid her head back in her pillow.
She sighed in relief when she heard the cries from the child. They sounded more like howls but she was no Annie or Meggie, her howls turned to soft mewing sensing her mother's distress.
"'Tis a girl My Lady."
She nodded, she knew it was a girl from the start. No other babe had given her so much trouble, the women in their family her family were strong. They were the only ones who inherited the independent spirit of the Tudor and Tratasmara Houses.
"A girl." Mary breathed, sighing with great relief as she gazed at her child, once she and the baby were cleaned up. She was beautiful. She could see specs of gold in her red hair, she would turn to be another beauty like Meggie but unlike Meggie and Annie –she hoped- this child would turn out right.
"Hello baby." She said and her daughter's widened as she looked up and recognized the voice of the woman who had cared for her, fed her and loved her during the nine months that she was inside.
Her eyes were a vibrant blue and they were not likely to turn dark. She blinked a few times to make sure she was not dreaming, she swore she was the most beautiful thing she ever saw.
"So you were the one kicking mama's tummy?" Her daughter snuggled closer to her breast. Mary welcomed her with a kiss to her tiny forehead and then she went back to sleep. Mary handed her to Bella.
Edward along with her older children came into the room, her oldest daughter was eager to meet her new sister.
"Where is she?" Then she spotted her sleeping in the bassinet. "Hello. Hello baby!"
"Annie that is not enough, she is sleeping, you'll wake her up." Mary lightly chastised. Annie made a wry expression but decided not to pry.
"Are her eyes blue mother?" Meggie asked before she could. Annie scowled at her but inwardly she grinned, she was no longer the boring and awkward sister, she was livelier and fun to be around with.
"Yes, she has but they will not turn dark as yours." Mary said beckoning her husband to sit next to her. Edward kissed his wife's forehead. "You behaved like a warrior queen, Madame."
"Aye mama, you did and she is beautiful." Arthur said in agreement, then asked what was on everybody's minds. "What shall we call her?"
Annie looked up excitedly, it was different than when Meggie was born and there was the need for secrecy all around, to hide her true parentage. She felt she was already in love with this sister.
"Yes mama what shall we call her?" She asked.
Mary looked at her husband, they thought hard, suddenly they nodded in agreement thinking of the only name that suited her.
"Margery." They said.
Edward picked his daughter up, rocking her softly as she began squirm in his arms. "Margery Seymour." He said, kissing her little forehead, it did not calm her down but she stopped squirming after he handed her back to her mother.
"Margaret sweeting, do you want to see your new sister?" She asked her younger daughter. Margaret walked nervously to her mother. She gazed at the small face, who, sensing a new presence opened her eyes and her face lit up in a smile.
"She is beautiful mother, I like her and she likes me." She said plainly, caressing her sister's cheeks. Margery lifted her fingers to touch Margaret's hands. She looked at her older sister with interest.
They were alike, yet so different, Mary noticed.
Good Lord, Edward thanked, this child had turned good.
Forty days after a priest rid her of the uncleaniness of birth, Mary had her daughter baptized in a small and private Catholic ceremony where her uncle, Charles Brandon, Duke of Suffolk and Bella, who helped her birth her child, Duchess of Bavaria, Countess Palatine, and Archduchess Dowager, stood as godparents.
Bella handed her niece to her mother. Mary could barely contain her excitement, her daughter was rid of all sin and was now introduced to the Catholic faith. Unlike her older siblings, Mary decided not to waste any time. Who knew if her father would live two years more, let alone a year?
The reports that his health was staggering made her nervous, she knew that it had to be that kitten of his, Katherine Howard, and all the nights they spent together, not to mention her father's own sexual appetite.
She knew her brother, Edward loved him and treated him like a son but Mary had seen in her brother the same religious fervor she once had.
She was afraid what would happen once he became King. She mentally crossed herself. That would never happen.
She prayed to God her father would live a thousand years more because England under her brother was something she did not want to think about.
Mary pushed her daughter forward. It was important she got to know her cousin and uncle. Margaret nervously approached him.
"Your Highness." But he waved her back. He did not want none of that with her, he preferred if she addressed him informally as she would a friend, or a sibling. Margaret blushed, she loved the way her cousin, she thought since it was awkward to think of him as her uncle since they were the same age, pay her so much attention.
Maybe her papa and sire were right and all she needed to do was give him a chance. "Edward then" She said and Edward returned her smile and took her to his chambers to play.
Meg Douglas greeted her cousin, Margaret, otherwise known to her friend as "Maggie", Tudor. It had been a while since these two saw each other. Maggie told her about her latest visit to the Queen.
"It was something, nothing short of interest, but something nonetheless." She told her. "She urged my daughter to come and form part of her ladies."
"She can't mean now, she can barely walk!"
"I know, I told Her Majesty so" Maggie said, saying her title with mocking. "But the Queen insisted, at the very least me and her brother convince her until she turns ten."
"It's still too young, you know what they say about the Court nowadays, a place for fiends, crows, and wolves. It is no wonder your brother in law fits very well there." They laughed. "How is your sister? I have not heard from her since she and Lord Hertford went to separate homes."
"She is doing fine and so is her child, it is a daughter if you must know and very beautiful."
"You've seen her?" Maggie nodded. "Is she all Seymour or takes after our Tudor side of the family?" She queried.
"Mmmm," Maggie started putting down her goblet. "Both, she has the great Tudor trademark, our red hair but there are some specs of gold in it but they are being taken over by her bright red. Her hair is curly like her grandmother and she has our eyes but has the Seymour high cheekbones and fair complexion, not to mention her height. Like her last," she explained "Margery is a very large baby."
"So she is named after her grandmother. 'Tis a beautiful name, if I were to have a daughter though I would love to name her something more original though Margery it is one of the least abundant names. Congratulations to your sister, tell her I am happy for her when you see her."
"Thank you cousin, I will be sure to tell her." Maggie said and stuffed another piece of delicious spice cake in her mouth.
Meg made a disgusting face. "How can you eat so much? You are not with child are you?" She asked but seeing her cousin's hand fall on her stomach, she gasped. "You are, aren't you? God's blood cousin, you are going to make so many men cry when they hear the news … again!"
Maggie laughed, she loved being the center of attention but she loved being Henry's wife even more.
"How do you do it?" Meg wondered. She had seen all the men and newcomers, most noble youths swoon over her younger cousin and remark how she was the most beautiful creature she had seen and unique in every way.
Like one of those sea creatures, Maggie's gaze drew them to her. Even the Queen's last fancy, it was said among the vulgar tongues had stopped his wild pursuit when he laid eyes on Margaret Tudor.
Maggie loved to be discreet, but the more discrete she was, the more the men around her gathered.
Poor lads, Meg thought. When they hear about her cousin's pregnancy they will be rolling in their beds and the red haired wenches in London will be happy because it was well known when men lost the object of their desires, they turned to cheap versions of it.
"Sex cousin." Maggie said simply. "Sex, is the best medicine." She explained, quoting her father. For once, her father had been right.
Meg shook her head, laughing. "You are incorrigible Margaret Tudor! What would your father in law, the dour old Norfolk say if he heard you?"
"He would approve, for once he'd say –my son is not behaving like a fool."
They snickered.
Maggie took another piece of cake, not caring if the Duke's spies heard.
"Would you stop doing that?" Meg pushed her plate away but that did not stop Maggie from teasing Meg and making moaning sounds, pretending the crumbs she was licking from her lips was something else.
"You are disgusting!" Meg cried.
Her lips curved into a satisfied smile. "I know but you cannot blame me, my blood runs hot when I think of him and the pleasures that await my marriage bed."
"Where would we be without disgusting and debauchery? Those are the ways of the nobility are they not?" Maggie pointed out, smiling wickedly.
Meg Douglas shook her head. And her uncle called her and Bella the wanton ones. "You do live up to your name 'siren'. You do have a soft melody that conjures a wall of smoke to cover your true nature. Our grandfather would be proud of you."
"You think so? I never found Henry VII appealing, my father never spoke very brightly of him. What was it he called him? Oh yes, a dour, sour old miser. Rimes actually." She drank the remaining wine. "I actually love to think myself more as a guardian angel, a figure to help those in need. Never liked being at the center stage. The fun is always in the shadows."
Meg was astounded at her knowledge. Maggie was always the silent and mysterious of the graces, but talented little woman. Meg believed she was the wiser one of the three.
"Perhaps one day you can play the helping shadow too."
"Nay cousin, I prefer a simple life, away from the intrigue, away from the gossip, though a little once in a while doesn't hurt." She said. "I think I shan't be suited for court life any longer. After your father agrees to my marriage, I will be happily dowered and live the rest of my days with my future bairns in the country. Mayhap I shall return to the Highlands if your father manages to conquer or worse –history repeats itself and kills the King of Scotland."
"'Tis was a fair battle" Maggie said but changed the subject seeing how much the defeat of her mother's first husband brought to her. It was common knowledge that though she supported her and her sisters, her mother had never been a great supporter of their mother. "There is not much chance of an invasion happening. My father will probably engage himself in a pitiless fight and then the Master Secretary will employ some of his famous diplomacy."
"If he does not?"
"Then the worst he will do is try and capture your brother and install a Regent in his name while he holds him and his wife captive." She said truthfully.
"Thank you cousin, that inspires me so much confidence."
"You wanted the truth. But back to the matter of hand, my father will never let you wed Sir Charles Howard, you are one of his heirs and whether you like it or not you are at the his mercy."
"Shame I wanted to be like Bella."
Maggie gave a dry laugh. "Bella is bold but look at how much trouble it has gotten her into. Take my advice and seek another man, one that will bring you advantage. Love comes after, this matters more." She pointed to her temple.
"Smart woman." Meg grumbled. It should have been her who was the King's firstborn. Maybe the fates had intended for Margaret to be the last so she would aid her sisters, mainly Bella, in their quest for power and survival.
"Nobody has ever accused me of being dumb and in this day and age you will find being quiet carries more wisdom and is a more powerful weapon." She pointed out and took her plate from Meg's hands and finished the rest of the cake.
"Mother, look!" Charlie had begun to speak more formal. Now that he was one of the King's heirs, as the King convinced he was not likely to get another son, had restored his mother and her aunts and their heirs to the line of succession after their brother, Edward.
He pointed to the sky above them, tonight he gazed in wonder at the sea of stars. "There are so many." He exclaimed. Star gazing was his favorite activity with his grandfather. Now that he and his sister were back with their mother for the holidays he shared with his mother his fascination for the heavens.
"Isn't it wonderful? What do you think is up there?"
"I don't know little dragon. Your father's former master used to say that each star was a different world and that there were probably as many races as there are many people in the world."
"Do you believe that mother?"
"Perhaps. God made man in his own image, what is to say he did not seed life in other planets? Maybe right now there is a little darling boy looking from his balcony asking his mama the same question."
Charlie's face lightened. "When I grow up I will spend my life studying them all!"
"I do not doubt you will, but first you must tend to your obligations as Earl of Richmond and who knows what other title your grandfather or your uncle when he becomes King will give you."
"But I want to reach for the heavens."
"There are other ways to reach for the heavens my little dragon." She explained. "Enough star gazing, off to bed, it is already past your bedtime."
Charlie groaned. "Mother! Edward's governor lets me stay up late and so does uncle Hertford."
"But you are not with uncle Hertford, you are dealing with me now and your mother says off to bed. Go on." Charlie huffed but nodded led by his governess to bed.
She thanked the woman and went to her own chambers. "That was a nice talk you gave to Charlie." He said.
"You know me, I love to indulge in my little dragon's fantasies."
Philip nodded but he said "You went a step farther. You mention the G-word."
"Charlie is still a little boy and if he wants to survive in the future England of his uncle, he needs to believe in those silly fantasies."
"They weren't always silly fantasies." Philip reminded her. Bella smirked and kissed him, ending their conversation but as he began moaning while she devoured her mouth, his mind went to last night and he stopped the kiss to ask. "What was he like? You never talked about him with me. Last night … left me thinking if you still have feelings for him."
Bella groaned, not this again. "Philip-"
"What was he like? I need to know, not as your jealous husband but as a friend and as the father of our children."
Bella's dark blue eyes met her husband's green. "Why now?"
"I did not want his ghost to haunt us but last night when I heard you say his name, I wanted to make sure if you still love him, if you married me other than duty."
"You know I did. I love you and I have loved you ever since."
"I know but you also love him." He accused.
"Of course I do, how can I not? He is the father of Kate and Charlie, that is not something I will likely forget, and his death was a hard tragedy on me."
"But do you still love him Bella? Do you think of him when we are together? What do you see when you see me?"
Bella looked at him hard, "I look at you, the father of my youngest child, a child we created out of love. And the greatest lover that I have ever known." She said. "There, happy now?"
"I did not mean to offend-"
"You did."
He sighed. "I know but last night you called, rather screamed his name-"
She closed her eyes. She remembered that night, it had been a most magical night but by the end she was so exhausted and she did not know what brought about his memory that she screamed it at the four winds.
"Yesterday was a mistake. I had just received news that Kate had a stomachache and you know how worried I get when I hear my children are sick, her malady obviously reminded me of her mother. She and he are so much alike that in a time like this is not hard to see. It was a moment of melancholy, nothing more." She said, concluding, her tone leaving no more room for discussion.
Philip nodded and cupped her face and began kissing, choosing the lie over the truth because deep down he knew whom she preferred and it wasn't neither him or her late husband
Liam. She thought and gave herself to him because that was when you loved someone and he loved you back, except it wasn't his face she imagined when she kissed Philip.
A/N: Thanks to all my readers, reviewers, everyone who's followed this story and put it on their favorites and on their alerts, to my Beta Reader for all the help in the past chapters.
I did tweak on Katherine's indiscretion, since there is no Jane Parker and with the inclusion of Maggie, she is more careful. Stay tuned.
R/R!
