Chapter 28: Lego House (Ed Sheeran)
Somethings just have to be done piece by piece, one moment at a time.
After Sandra went to bed probably dreaming about babies and Little Johnny, I took off.
Simply by habit I left her a note knowing that I probably would be out the whole night.
I still had no phone so I left her both Quinn and Britt's numbers.
I climbed in my car and suddenly the thought of the day my dad bought it for me flashed through my mind and I began sobbing out loud.
I probably looked insane but I didn't really care.
My mind was on overdrive, I drove slowly through the town thinking of all the memories that I had with my father in these very streets.
I was really regretting breaking my phone at the moment.
I didn't want to wake Q or Judy by knocking and now that NoNo was in a serious relationship with a girl who disliked me, I was only left with one place to go.
I pulled up outside Britt's house and was surprised to see all the lights were on since it was well past midnight on a Sunday.
Most of Lima was asleep in preparation for the work and school week.
Then again the Pierce's have never been an entirely conventional family.
I parked in their driveway behind Britt's pink dirt bike and slowly climbed the front steps.
My body felt waterlogged and weary.
I could hear them inside all talking and joking.
It felt like I was intruding so I hesitated before I knocked but then I realized that I really didn't want to be anywhere else.
And they had never turned me away.
When I knocked everyone went silent and then the door was flung open.
Mrs. Pierce smiled sadly at me and then opened her arms.
I hung to her tightly as I cried for the eight millionth time that day.
Her touch was as familiar to me or maybe more than my own mother's.
I was sure that it was definitely more comforting.
When she let me go I was immediately wrapped up in Mr. Pierce's arms and the very maleness of him made me ache so deeply in my chest.
When Britt sensed that I was going to start hyperventilating she pulled me away from her loving parents and we started heading up the stairs.
She didn't hug me right away, instead she said goodnight to her parents and continued to pull me up to her room.
When I entered Britt's room after having been away from it for so long it felt like I was finally coming home.
I hadn't seen these walls since two nights before my birthday, before all of this drama started and it wasn't until this moment that I realized how much I had been longing for it.
Longing for home.
Once we were behind closed doors Britt pulled me into her bathroom and sat me down on the edge of the toilet.
We didn't speak because it was unnecessary between us.
When you have a best friend that's so close to you, there is a silent language that develops and phases out need for small talk.
I needed to be taken care of without question and Britt knew just how to do that.
When the tub was full and it had her duck bubble bath all through it she pulled me back to my feet.
I stood there shifting back and forth from foot to foot, feeling a little uneasy.
My body felt heavy and my eyes were equally so but I couldn't rest, my mind wouldn't allow it.
She pulled off my clothes piece by piece and then she pulled off her own.
Normally, I would have protested a shared bath with her parents just downstairs but I didn't care tonight.
If this was what Britt thought was best for me in this moment I wasn't going to question her.
After we settled in the bubbles, I laid my head on her chest and she wrapped her arms around my middle and gave me a good squeeze.
"You know B, you won't be able to do this for much longer."
"What take baths? Is Marco coming back?"
I froze when she mentioned his name a sick feeling covered me suddenly.
I felt like his very name would taint all the amazing-ness that was Brittany.
I shook off the disgusting and disturbing feeling and leaned deeper into her and returning to the conversation.
"I'm pregnant, B. I'm going to have a baby."
It was her turn to freeze up, I leaned my head back and looked up her.
I expected a scowl or anger on her face but she just smiled and rubbed her hands across my stomach.
"Wow Ana. We are going to have a baby? I hope it's a girl, then she can be the flower girl at our wedding. You're gonna have to divorce Marco though."
I found myself laughing at the absurdity of it all but I knew that Britt was serious.
Which made all the laughter stop.
"Wait, B...You still want to marry me after everything I've done?"
"Yes. A thousand times, yes. I want to be a Lopez. My dance name will be BLo and when I drop it low everyone will shout Oh! Get it?" She chuckled.
"Britt was that a sex joke?" I was shocked at her crudeness.
She laughed and kissed my forehead.
"Yeah. I didn't think you would get it."
"How long did it take you to come up with that?"
"I thought of it one day when I was down below...duh!"
"You were creating jokes when you were going down on me?"
I was mock offended and lightly slapped her wrist.
"It was right after you came. I promise."
She pouted and then she nuzzled into my neck and took a deep breath.
She let out a deep sigh, and then planted a kiss right behind my ear.
"I want you to be my girlfriend Ana."
"Mmm...Okay."
"Really? Is that a yes?"
"Yes."
"Um, okay...wow! That was quick."
"You okay, Britt?"
"Yea, I just didn't think you would say yes so fast."
We sat in the water until it went cold just laughing and joking.
When we finally climbed out of the tub, I immediately felt refreshed.
Britt couldn't stop smiling and when I caught my reflection in the mirror, I saw that I was smiling too.
We crawled into bed and without hesitation Britt pulled my body against hers.
I felt peace in my soul and as I drifted off to sleep I heard Britt mumble. "I can't believe you said yes." and I smiled.
Although I was where I wanted to be and I felt safe, sleep didn't stay with me for very long.
I woke up with the moon shining brightly through the curtains.
Britt was laying half on me and half off.
She smiled as she clung to me.
I could lay like this forever just watching her sleep.
"I love you Ana but please stop staring and go to sleep." she mumbled without opening her eyes.
"I love you too, Britt Britt but I just can't sleep...I have too much on my mind."
Britt yawned deeply before finally opening her eyes and looking into mine.
She brushed my hair from my face and then flashed a brilliant grin before she rolled out of the bed and began searching for clothes.
"Come on Ana get dressed."
"What? It's like..." I looked at her alarm clock, "it's two a.m., Britt."
"So what...get up!" She whispered
After we were dressed in our warmest clothes, we quietly went down the steps and like always we skipped the last step because of the loud creak it let out.
Britt climbed in the driver seat of my car and waited for me patiently.
I handed her my keys and she pulled out the driveway slowly.
This was her first time driving my car and I knew that she was trying to be as cautious as possible.
I smiled at her and rested my hand on her thigh, urging her to relax.
After a few minutes we pulled up to my parents house and we got out the car.
"Britt this is the last place that I want to be." I whined.
"We aren't going inside, just trust me."
I held onto her hand and kept my head down.
We walked around the house and stopped at the tree outside of my old bedroom window.
"Come on babe." She said as she hoisted herself up the crooked steps.
My faced flushed as she called me babe for the first time.
I would follow her anywhere if she continued to call me that.
We climbed the tree quickly and entered the tree house with ease.
It was just as I had left it over a month ago.
There was a chill in the air but it was still relatively warm outside.
B plopped down on one of the throw cushions and rested her head against the back wall, turning the lamp on in the process.
"So let's talk okay?" B said with her serious expression back in place.
"Okay, B." I sat down beside her with our hands intertwined and my head resting on her shoulder.
"So are we still moving to New York?"
"Yes. I talked to Sandra earlier and she is going to let me and the baby stay with her while I go to school."
"Do you want me to move in with you and help out?"
"No B, I want you to go to Julliard and live in the dorms. Have the full college experience."
"I don't need the experience. I just want to be with you."
"How about you stay in the dorms the first year and then we can talk about it after that. Julliard is a serious school and you should be around the other dancers especially freshman year."
"Okay, fine, but who is going to watch the baby when you are at school following your dreams?"
"Sandra."
"I don't know Ana. I want our baby to see me everyday. I want to be there for you two."
"I want you there too, B, I just don't want to get in the way of your dreams, we will be in the same city. You can visit us anytime that you want. I just want you to follow your dreams, okay?"
"But Ana, having a family with you is my biggest dream of them all."
She wrapped her arms around me and I began to shake again.
My heart had melted.
I wanted to cry tears of joy and sadness and hope but I had no more tears left to give and yet my body was still trying.
"B...how can you still want that after everything that has happened?"
"I just love you so much. Now that I know what you went through and why you pushed me away so much, I know that you need me more than you like to admit, even if you don't say so you want this too."
"You're so smart B."
"I know."
I got back home at almost seven the next morning.
When I walked in my mother and sisters were all having coffee at my table.
They turned to me waiting for an answer to where I had been but this was my apartment.
I didn't need to answer to anyone.
I leaned in and wrapped my arms around my mother and held her as she sobbed in my arms.
I took in her spicy scent and it made me feel comforted.
I needed this embrace just as much as she did, even if it seemed a long time coming.
When she finally let go, I headed straight for the shower, I had thirty minutes to get to my first period class and I didn't want to be late.
I blew through my morning routine with ease.
I knew that after staying up all night talking my thoughts out with Britt and not sleeping, I should be dead on my feet but instead I felt energized and ready for my day.
My all black track suit and black sneakers fit perfectly with my mourning.
I put my hair up in a high bun and then grabbed my books, I still had fifteen minutes left.
I was surprised with myself, I had never gotten ready so quickly.
When I walked out to the dining room and grabbed my keys my mom cleared her throat loudly, stopping me in my tracks.
"Mi'ja? Please sit down with us. Have some café?"
"I can't I'm going to be late."
Also the smell of the coffee made my stomach turn but I didn't want to talk about that right now.
"Please? I just need your help planning things. Your father's will is very specific."
I sighed and tossed my bag on the sofa and sat down next to it.
I wanted to help any way that I could but right now, I just needed to be normal for one more day but I couldn't turn her down right now.
She had lost the love of her life and I couldn't deny her this.
"Fine, Mami but I am only missing first period...then I have to go."
"Cafe?" She asked again, she was being so overly persistent and I was agitated.
So I snapped.
"No Mami, I can't have café, okay?" I said exasperated, I held my head in my hands and looked at the floor.
"Why not you love café, Ana?"
Why was she pushing this so hard?
It was my home, I didn't need to mothered anymore.
I just wanted to leave.
"Because..." I looked at my sisters and then at my mom. I was beyond frustrated. "Because I'm pregnant."
My mother placed her cup down on the table and pressed her lips firmly together.
She looked around at my sisters and then her eyes landed back on me.
She was angry.
As if this was on purpose!
"What happened? We all agreed that you should wait!"
"I know Mami but you know, Marco."
"Is it even Marco's baby, Santana?"
When Brenda had asked me a similar question last night, I was fine with it because she is my sister and she meant no harm.
It was cool with me because there was no malice behind it,
But when my own mother asked with a tone insinuating that I was whore, I completely flipped out.
I picked up my bag and walked straight to the door, flinging it open.
I paused and then turned back, looking her straight in the eyes trying my best to swallow back my tears.
I told the truth.
"Actually Mami, to be honest, I don't know if this is Marco's baby. I guess, I'm just the little whore you always believed me to be! Good job!"
With that I slammed the door and rushed out of the building.
I walked to the school fuming.
My night and early morning had been so amazing, so picture perfect.
But now I had to deal with insinuations.
I stormed into the school in full bitch mode.
The halls parted for me as I made my way to my locker.
Everyone in Lima knew by now and nobody could blame me for unleashing hell on the next person to say stupid shit to me.
They all turned away not wanting to be that person.
At least some people knew when to back the hell off.
And then there are the people who can cut through everything and get to the heart of me.
People like Q.
"Hey San."
"Hey, Q."
"You're pissed, that must mean your mom is finally back in town."
"Yea."
"You told her?"
"Yea."
"She asked who's it was, didn't she?"
"Yea."
"She had no right to do that."
"You know that. I fucking know that but she doesn't apparently understand that!"
"Mothers never do."
"Ugh!"
I huffed out shoving my book bag in my locker.
"On a brighter note...I heard."
"Heard what?"
"I heard that you're official with Britt finally."
I couldn't help the small smile that spread across my face as I blushed, leave it to Quinn to know how to make me get over myself.
"Yea, I am done with the bullshit. I can't waste anymore time being scared of what other people think of me."
"That's great to hear!" she said patting me on the back.
"Speaking of B, Have you seen her?"
"Sue kept her after practice."
"Oh."
As I grabbed my books and shut my locker I got a whiff of some guys breakfast and I had to literally sprint to the closest bathroom.
This pregnancy sucked already.
"I do not miss morning sickness. Here drink this." Quinn said as she stood over me, blocking the stall.
I chugged the bottle of water that she handed me.
She helped me up and then handed me a lollipop.
"These helped me. I bought a whole bag for you yesterday." She handed me a bag of lollipops and smiled.
"Thanks Q."
"Just trying to be a good Godmother."
"Well you are doing a great so far! Just keep these coming."
I spent the rest of the day with the candy shoved in my mouth and because I am such a great student my teachers let me be.
Also, no teacher wanted to be the one to give the girl whose father was just murdered, detention.
The candy was working like a charm, for the most part, the only exception was the rank smell in the cafeteria.
I almost didn't make it to the bathroom after the combination of smells and the sight of people gorging on their lunches made my stomach turn violently.
I spent the rest of lunch sitting on the bleachers.
I might just be eating in the choir room from now on.
The one thing I was sure of though was that this baby was serving as a great distraction from my issues.
So much so, that I almost forgot about what would be awaiting me when I got home.
