Surprise, surprise; the world doesn't revolve around you.

It's a novel thought.

Not in a really vain way, of course! Just the idea that people, everywhere, are living their lives. Maybe we become so used to being the omnipotent reader (or narrator) that we forget that we don't know every piece of the puzzle, travelling between story arcs and POVs like...erm. A ghost? (I didn't think ahead and prepare an example...we're gonna move on)

The Alternative title for this chapter was "Snowballing: where things start off kinda cute but quickly get rather out of hand".

Ever feel like you've just transcended reality (and sanity) and are experiencing life on a whole new wavelength?

Aside from the literal out of body experience that was death...me neither.

(Cue the theme tune of Alien or Jaws...)

Well.

Until I woke up, after only a few measly hours sleep, to the shrill ring of my alarm clock. It was on the floor, across the room. Why?

But the ceiling was still above me and the floor looked pretty sound from where I was, tucked in my duvet-cocoon.

Really, I could just live my life like last night had been a terrible amalgamation of exhaustion and an overactive imagination! Yeah!

A sense of reality secured, I threw back the covers and ignored how my body creaked like it was 20 years older. My snow-soaked coat was strewn by the door and so were my sandals but it was just coincidence. I was running late but it was fine!

My shower was so quick that my cold toes had scarcely warmed up and I just grabbed a muffin on my way out of the door. I could easily pick up something more substantial in the market later.

"Morning, Kiharu-chan!" Mikoto called, already behind the counter when I pushed the door open. The oven door was ajar as the Matriarch hefted trays of warm pudding and I hurried to get it for her.

"It's not often I get here before you," She commented with a barely-there smile, stepping back from the heat and shedding the oven gloves.

"Oh," I grimaced, turning away to grab my apron and pull it on. "Bad dream, slept in late."

A warm hand settled on my shoulder and I paused. "It's unsettled you?"

(- "the cub is only a newborn and the mother completely feral, you cannot tell anyone about it yet. Not until my legacy can be protected, by itself or one of us.")

"Weird is all!" I tried for a smile, stepping towards the fridge-room and cracking the heavy door. "Just," I glanced over my shoulder at her pale face. "Give me some time to wake up!"

Mikoto seemed hesitant to drop it but I was pretty blasé and set about getting ready with renewed vigour.

On the outside, I was doing fine. Inside?

"Oh! It must be baby season!"

Head snapping around, I almost poured the hot custard over my hand instead of the Kaki crumble. "What?! What makes you say that?!"

The two pregnant women, I recognised one from the grocery stall two streets over and the other from the richer part of town, blinked at me from the other side of the counter. Mikoto, gathering their change from the till, blinked too.

"Uchiha-san was telling us about the pregnancy of Akimichi-sama." The strawberry blonde smiled hesitantly as I mentally face-palmed.

"Yes, of course, sorry...congratulations!"

Although still perturbed by my little crazy outburst, the two women smiled in thanks, accepting their puddings with grace and moving to sit at one of the three tables Mikoto and I had managed to squeeze in by the window.

Ignoring the curious eyes I could feel on me, I hurried over to refill the kettle. Fuck my life, that was embarrassing!

Sensitive mum-senses tingling, Mikoto gave me an out.

"Kiharu-chan, could you please prepare five slices of matcha cheesecake to-go for the Officers waiting outside?" she gestured to the group of young men huddled on the curb, hands stuff in pockets and shoulders hunched against the cold.

"Breaking patrol for a snack?" I grinned, grasping the chance with both hands. Moving to pop open a handful of cardboard takeaway boxes, I slid open the cold fridge and cut the generous slices.

Mikoto started measuring out the tea for the next order, reaching around me for a cup as I grabbed some napkins in front of her. "Ensui-kun always has a snack at work, both from the menu and off, so are you really surprised? Not to mention I work here, there was bound to be some curiosity, Kiharu-chan."

I started to carefully pop the vibrantly green desserts into their containers and smirked. "Heh, it's a wonder they don't order doughnuts, then."

"Hmm?"

I folded the flaps down and secured the tops with a Nekki's logo sticker (a good thing about Kaiya-hime's pregnancy was that she was both on bed-rest and ever restless, so she'd been taking care of my napkins and logo stamping for over a month now). "Oh, nothing." Private joke~

Moving around the corner of the counter to deliver the cheesecakes, I glanced over at my seasonal display and grinned when my eyes confirmed all the snowflake and snowman-shaped cookies had sold out. You owe me dinner, Ensui.

Then again, he had made the cutters despite those protests. Mah, I'd foot the bill (on Ichiraku's tab, Heh).

Never let it be said I was a shining beacon of goodness.

"Officers," I dimpled, ducking outside into the cold and shivering when the wind battered straight through my uniform. The Officers were chatting quietly amongst themselves but stopped as I approached, turning to accept the offered boxes with low thanks or nods.

One of them, with the standard dark Uchiha colouring and porcelain skin, shot me a gentle smile in thanks and I mentally stuttered. He looks...familiar.

"I'm sorry, Officer-san," I couldn't resist, "but have we met before?"

That soft smile widened and the grin that replaced it was unfairly charming. "I don't think so, Dazai-chan, but now we have. Uchiha Kagen, Detective-Sergeant."

My professional smile was genuine by now. "A pleasure, please enjoy your cheesecake."

His dipped his chin in a shallow bow and the Officers slowly started making their way down the street and I scampered back into the warm stall. Absently, I wondered if those nice men were rude to Ensui at work.

Part of me was tempted to argue no but I liked to think I wasn't that naive.

Being friendly and charming to civilians and little girls was a completely different kettle of fish to both a work environment with a controversial colleague or being a decent person. And the Uchiha were filled with backstabbers, especially in recent years.

I mean, they wanted to throw a coup. Sure the village wasn't the most friendly at times but...there were plenty of good things and good people too. Everything deserved a chance at retribution. Surely a village, built from hope and the chance for peace, could change for the better.

It was one of the reasons I'd decided to take action, besides the wracking guilt. And… I thought it was working rather well.

Mikoto had told me that Akane-sama had secured influence in the civilian sector, and I knew that was largely due to my grandmother's support - she'd been a seamstress since the Founding -, and that most people were much more open. I maintained the idea that it was all thanks to Mikoto's serene warmth at the shop. The merchants, for the most part, had never been more open to business with the Dojutsu-using Clan and it was only looking up. Shisui's friendship with Ensui and myself had only aided that and, as bad as it was, Sarutobi's decision to deny Itachi's promotion may have helped too. It showed a fairness, I mused, that they weren't spoiled as many may have thought.

I was hopeful.

The day went slowly, pocketed with incidences where I either slunk into thoughtful mong-outs or spazzed out at the mention of 'babies'.

When we locked up, the sky a deep slate grey and snow finally having settled, Mikoto placed her hands on my shoulders as I went to leave.

"Kiharu-chan," dark eyes peered down at me, concern in their depths, and I felt a hot stab of guilt. Here, my business partner and friend was concerned for me and I was just having a teeny tiny existential crisis! "You know you can always talk to me if you need to."

I blinked a few times - stray snowflakes, or something - and shrugged in her hold. "I know Mikoto-hime...just an off day." I excused, biting back a half laugh and shaking my head ruefully.

Hitoshi decided to impregnate one of those ginormous tigers from TG 44 because I keep getting into scrapes?!

Delicate, deceptively so, fingers gently brushed my bangs behind my ears; "If you're sure, Kiharu-chan," and Mikoto finally stepped back, something scarily maternal in her gaze.

Nodding quickly, I turned and ran home.

It was scarcely 4 pm, the shops closing earlier because of the bad weather and decreased hours of daylight, but I was restless. Whipping out Kaa-san's recipe book, I forced myself to pay attention to the difficult kanji and try my hand at something new, even though I was exhausted from baking all day already.

I was elbow deep in a batch of homemade udon noodles when the door latched open.

"I'm home!"

Had that gentle baritone ever been more welcome? Probably, but reality had decided to nope out, leaving me akin to Alice in LSD Wonderland, and then dad comes home?

Thank fucking god.

Arms covered in flour, I quickly whipped a towel over the kneaded dough and poked my head around the door, just in time to see him toeing off his sandals.

"Welcome home!" I tried not to sound as frazzled as I felt.

Nose red over the edge of his scarf, Dazai Seiichi turned to grin at me, eyes crinkling charmingly at the corners.

I burst into tears.

Chocolate eyes popped wide and dad's thick scarf fell from limp fingers onto the snow-wet floor.

"Hime?!" Two quick steps and then strong arms were around me, pulling me up on his hip. I was really too big for this, and that made me cry even more. "What happened?! Who did it?!"

Who did it?

"Hitoshi had a baby!"

Dad's arms twitched and then he was striding around the corner into the sitting room. He sat us down on the sofa, pulling me into his lap and tucking my head under his jaw. He smelled of soap, no sweat, so he must've been at the mission's desk all day. His throat bobbed in a loud swallow. "Hitoshi as in our Hitoshi? Are you sure? Is that why you're crying, Hime?"

And I was crying like I hadn't in a long time because I wasn't scared or heartbroken. My chest hurt but my heart didn't and already the tears had slowed. "Sorry, Tou-san," I mumbled into tanned skin, just above the collar of his navy shirt.

Dad just shushed me and squeezed tighter, one arm looped around my hunched back and the other reaching up to tangle in my hair, matted as it was from the snow and wind. We were silent for a long minute, rocking very gently in dad's favourite chair with the wind howling against the window.

"Now," Tou-san softly crooned, lips against my temple. His stumble was scratchy but I didn't mind. "Why are you crying?"

"T-the baby…"

Dad hummed thoughtfully. "And what about the baby?"

"It's cold!" and, thus, the floodgates opened. "It was tiny, I couldn't even see it and the mum is huge - one of those big Tigers from that training ground - but there was only one baby and it's snowing so bad and Mikoto-hime kept asking me if I was alright and people kept mentioning babies-!"

"Whoa, whoa!" Dad pushed me back a bit, tucking a finger under my chin until he could meet my gaze. "First off...the baby will be fine, cubs are born all the time and it's strong! Okay?"

Long-lashed eyes held mine until I nodded.

"Secondly, what do you mean there was only one?"

"Cats have litters! Did they die?!"

When my voice shot up another octave, dad visibly panicked, eyes scanning my face and hands rubbing up and down my arms.

"He's a Summon, okay? The chakra build up is different for them, especially if the cub is only half; it may have affected how many!"

Slowly calming, I did manage a watery smile at how dad was skirting around outright commenting on conception. God, I'd had a period for a good while now, dad.

The sardonic thoughts did their trick, however, and I reached up with clumsy fingers to rub my tears away. Well, the few that hadn't been absorbed into dad's top (alongside a bit of drool, sorry).

Blue eyes slowly cracked open again and dad smiled hopefully, no doubt praying that the storm had passed.

I felt bad now.

But...sometimes you just had to cry. Whether it had been a stressfully long day, something was playing on your mind or it had just been a while. Tears actually helped settle your mood...and, fuck, if I hadn't been due for that.

"Did you know he'd done it?" I asked, rubbing at the wet crumples I'd left on his collar. My father sighed heavily, lips pressed so hard together I could see his dimples through his 5 o'clock shadow. Then, finally-

"No. No, I didn't." Dad dragged distracted fingers through my ratty ponytail, combing through the tangled curls with short nails. "But...I can't say I'm too surprised. He's very private, Hitoshi," yeah, I sullenly agreed… I noticed. "And, as uncaring as he can seem, I never really thought he'd let everything end with him. Too stubborn, at the very least."

"He called her 'Fuji'," I pouted.

Dad snorted, chuckling ruefully with a tiny grin. "Kami, he is consistent."

I couldn't help but smile then, lips pulling wider when calloused fingers fondly stroked my dimple (same as dad's). "I told him I'd call her 'FuFu'."

And that really set dad off, head thrown back and chest shuddering under me from where I was still huddled in his lap. "Giggle!" he snickered, eyes screwed shut and grin splitting his face. "Kiharu, you are a gem! Giggle!"

Laughing myself, I hopped out of the chair and danced away from dad's searching arms, feeling so much lighter. The udon needed rolling though, so I puttered back towards the kitchen.

"Well, it could also mean 'plan'," I shrugged in the doorway. "But he was so mean, I didn't feel the need to tell him!"

Thick socks sliding on the wooden floors, I quickly washed my hands and face in the sink, glad that crying never really made me puff up. It had been the same before, my eyes only going red when I was exhausted, thank god.

The sound of helpless chuckles drew closer as dad slumped in the doorway, still grinning in amusement. Lightly dusting flour over the udon dough, I started kneading the mixture as the Chuunin sat down on the stool opposite me.

"Udon?" Dark eyes sparkled happily as a started rolling the mildly elastic dough. "What's the occasion, you know it's my favourite!"

I handed the knife to dad with a grin. "You can cut the noodles, then!"

Dad pouted, slumping forward pathetically, but I was way too used to his ploys and didn't even bat an eyelash. "The longer you put it off, the longer til you can eat them!"

The knife disappeared from my hand in a flash. Smug, I started in on the vegetables as dad expertly started scoring the dough into long strips for poaching.

Cutting up the spring vegetables, I sneezed once, twice, and opened my eyes to see kawaii plastered across my father's face.

Oh, for gods-

"Noodles done?" I smiled blandly, blinking when dad immediately gestured towards the neat, regimented lines. It was the matter of a few seconds to carefully lift them and drop them in the simmering water, setting the egg timer to 10 minutes (it would take slightly longer than that but there was nothing worse than soggy noodles so I wanted to keep an eye on them).

"Are we having prawns, too?"

"We are if you prep them!" I jerked my chin towards the wrapped seafood beside the sink, picked up from the butcher on my lunch break.

With a mournful sigh, Dad slunk from his stool, cracked his back and set about deveining them. I mean, I could've had the Butcher do that but… well, dad wasn't the best cook. He had to help out in the kitchen somehow, I wasn't a house-woman after all.

With a dash of oil in the pan, I started cooking the chopped veg, adding the grey prawns as soon as dad had finished and letting them slowly turn pink. Then, it was a dash of soy and mirin and then a few cups of dashi. Fragrant curls of steam coiled through the air, making dad's mouth visibly water and my lips to curl in a satisfied smile. I checked the udon, the pale chords rolling through the simmering water; they were ready.

Taking a mesh serving spoon, I carefully lifted the noodles from the boiling water and immediately blanched them in a bowl of iced. Dad took the pot away for washing, a contented smile curling his mouth as I hummed, nose still running a bit but decidedly more settled.

Once the udon was rid of any extra starch, I split the portions between the ramen bowls dad had reached down from the cupboard, before syphoning the shrimp and broth over the top. A final sprinkle of fresh spring onions and-

"Itadakimasu!"

"Will you tell me about...when you met Hitoshi?" my quiet voice broke the silence, previously disrupted only by the clatter of chopsticks and slurp of broth (dad was a very intent eater).

Brown eyes met mine over a pink prawn, the meat held halfway between the bowl and dad's open mouth. His jaw half-closed, opened again before he set his utensils down with a grunt. Trailing my eyes over his pinched brows and the thoughtful twist to his lips, I decided to just sit back and wait.

I'd finished my own bowl by the time dad spoke up again, twirling chopsticks through the half-cooled broth at the bottom of his dish. "Keida, you remember her?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. "She was the last one, right? You said she gave you an opening to get out?"

Dad sucked in a deep breath, chest expanding visibly under his dark shirt, before slowly exhaling. "She was Hitoshi's grandmother, a white leopard. We were...on a hunt. In the war. And...well, it was an ambush. Hitoshi was only a cub, still in training. I'd been there when he was born-," so, that was why Hitoshi insisted I come last night, "- but we'd only interacted a few times. But he was going to be mine, my partner in the Pride, so we had a very loose chakra bond. Like those between ninken, like Hana-chan?" When I nodded solemnly, he continued. "Well, I was hurt, quite badly-,"

I knew, from the hesitant self-censoring to the skittish look in his eyes, what he really meant. He'd been dying and Hitoshi had felt it.

I swallowed hard, slightly regretting those last few mouthfuls.

"He summoned himself, was very smug about it too. But the battle had turned and, suddenly, there was a great explosion. On Keida's back with Hitoshi, it was just the three of us left. Hitoshi's sire, his dad, had been a white tiger from another territory called Kuiaratameru. That's why, I think, he thought it would work with the new cub. Because he already had Tiger blood."

I leaned to place both elbows on the edge of the table, cushioning my face between my palms. Fuck, but my brain was whirring. I hadn't been good with science, except physics, or maths: humanities and the arts had always been much easier but…

"H-How does that work? How can Hitoshi be half tiger if he's a full panther? And how are you so calm about this?"

I'm not ashamed to admit the idea of Hitoshi doing the nasty literally broke my brain.

Seiichi blinked once, twice. "He's a Summon? Blood always wins out and Hitoshi, despite being fathered by a tiger, had a leopard for a mother and his mother's parents. The Big Cat Contract has always crossbred, they were pretty big but never enough for just one Cat per Contract so there was always some mingling!"

Spluttering, I could do nothing but gawk as dad casually stood up, taking our dishes and heading towards the sink.

Wha-but?-

For fuck's sake, Kishi!

…...

It was a while before Hitoshi came home again.

Dad said it was because he had to reestablish himself with the mother, so that she'd let both him and myself near the baby, and it was a delicate and slow thing to bond with the new cub.

A week. A week.

I was losing my shit, okay?

On Saturday morning, Christmas Eve, funnily enough, the door latched open despite the fact that dad was right in front of me, helping me sort out the washing.

Dad's pillowcase was thrown casually back into the wet basket and I was steaming out of the washing room, arms pumping and on a mission. Behind me, dad scrambled to follow.

"You!" I beamed, throwing my arms around the panther's head as soon as it came round the kitchen corner. Hitoshi, for his part, looked terrible. Exhausted and wrangled and very, very dirty. I smooshed my fist against his forehead in a headlock, uncaring for the vicious growl ripped from his chest or the muck smearing me. "It's the New Dad himself!"

My grin was not more of a bearing of teeth than a smile, excuse you.

Dad folded his arms, shoulder propped against the wall and face split in a knowing grin. I winked back.

Slim fingers pinched his velvety ears and emerald shot me a poisonous glare out of the corner if his eye. "Where's the baby, hmm?"

"She's not here- get off, you insolent lit-!"

Large hands gripped me under my arms and heaved me away, backing up the stairs before depositing me half way up.

Straightening, Dad decided to play the Mature Parent card.

"All right guys, that's enough. Kiharu! Be nice!" He pointed at me, face mockingly stern but eyes dancing with merriment. "And Hitoshi," he turned to his partner, who was looking both rumpled and petulant. Focus off of me, I stuck out my tongue and Hitoshi's tail twitched in warning. "Don't spring stuff like this on us, it's rude and Ki didn't understand how the Pride worke-works."

The older man took a weary step down, hands aloft like he expected a fight to break out as soon as he was in the clear.

Once the panther had a direct route should he choose to maul me, I smiled as sweetly as possible (throwback to the days of wooing the Canon characters and Uchiha, Huh?) and ran to my room.

I wouldn't be so obvious when the time for revenge came.

Which just so happened to be a week later.

The days had slipped passed and, still, no-one outside of the three of us was aware that Hitoshi had done the dirty and there was a panther-tiger hybrid stumbling through the Forest of Death. Tinther? Piger? Oh hell, I was just gonna call her a cryptid and be done with it!

Honestly, what even was this insanity? I know this is, technically, anime-verse and, therefore, fucking ridiculous but...I'll admit that I'd become accustomed to it all. Sweat-drops and facefaults and eye smiles and all of that were kinda old hat by now.

Hitoshi procreating with a mutated Tiger, one that was so much bigger than him? Not to mention bloody feral…!

I'd watched National Geographic enough to get that tigers weren't like praying mantises or spiders, with tiny males and huge females. So, I figured I was justifiably bemused as to how that would even, like, work?

Actually, you know what? I really could have lived without that mental tangent. (Brain bleach, brain bleach!)

So, anyway, I dropped in to see Kaiya-hime at the end of the week.

It was for an amalgamation of reasons. I hadn't seen her in a while, she was sick from the pregnancy, I missed my little Chouji-panda. Although, it was more like she came to save me.

Also...ever had one of those really, really embarrassing moments? Like...you'd never live it down?

Now, even if I'd lost my adult brain to the onslaught of my Childhood 2.0, I'd known what was happening. Remembering how to hold it in until you could get to the toilet had saved me from those toddler and kiddie wetting-yourself moments we'd all had. Same with feeling sick; I knew how to coach myself through nausea. And I'd never smeared food all over my face, except when hand-eye coordination was particularly difficult that day or my folks had been the ones doing the feeding.

So, I'd basically managed to avoid getting nerfed in public for a long time. Figures that my luck would one day run dry.

My period (oh-ho, can you see where this is going?) had been pretty good in this life. No crippling pain, as of yet, or really bad flow. I wasn't sick and I could walk fine and, honestly, I'd put it down to luck of the draw.

Oh, woe is me.

Naivety, whilst nice, is a Bitch when you realise what reality really has in store for you.

It was a Friday, five days since Hitoshi came back and almost three weeks living with our new 'Dazai Family Secret'. My period had started that morning when I'd peeled back my covers and found an 'innocent' little red spot in the middle of my pristine mattress cover. RIP another spotless sheet. And the stupid thing wasn't even due for another half-week, damn.

As he always did, Hitoshi complained about the bloodshed. I, naturally, punted him out the room with orders to find his own breakfast if he thought I was defrosting him a haunch after that.

Periods sucked but they were nothing new, so I'd stripped my bed, showered and wore a pad. Pop a few pain relief tabs and I was good to go.

Well...up until, halfway through the lunchtime rush, Mikoto-hime ducked to whisper in my ear.

"Kiharu-chan, you need to go to the bathroom; I'll cover you here."

Bemused, I'd glanced down only to see a dark patch on my yukata, where the loose fabric had been caught tight between my legs.

Mortification - you never got over this shit, only got better at dealing with it - crashed over my head like a bucket of hot water, my cheeks blushing a splotchy red.

"Hey, Kiharu-chan!" Shisui - oh god, not again! - leaned over the counter, crutches propped up next to him. "You okay?"

Face like the bloody sun (or, maybe, that red splodge on Mars), my mouth flapped uselessly for a long second.

And then Mikoto, an angel of angels, stepped in front of me, hiding me away with her much taller frame. Pale hands grasped mine. "Do you have your things with you? I can fetch you some fresh clothes if you want…?"

"I-I-er-"

"Here, allow me." A husky voice interrupted, stepping around the counter and coming in on my other side.

"Kaiya-hime!"

Kaiya was another godsend. Her closely-cropped pixie cut glinted black under the lights, her orange eyeshadow a pop of colour against her dark skin. She merely smiled, the sharp slash of her mouth quirking upwards as she pulled my coat off the back hook and gestured for me to slip it on.

"It's alright, Mikoto-sama." Her dark eyes met the Uchiha's. Behind them, I could see Shisui craning to know what's going on. Nosy! (But sweet) "I'll take it from here."

Mikoto relaxed, bushing off her apron and turning back to me with quelling eyes. "Take the rest of the day off, Kiharu-chan."

I opened my mouth to argue but, well, I was miserable and felt grim. "Alright."

Kaiya tilted her jaw, pleased and in charge, as my partner moved back to the counter and distracted Shisui. The expecting mother, for her part, looked fit to pop. I always forgot how big babies could get just before they were due. And due Chouji's new sibling was indeed, estimated to arrive within the next three weeks. And, speaking of…

"Kaiya-hime," I started, following her out of the stall and jerking my hand in a half-aborted wave when Shisui called 'bye'. (Urgh! I can't believe-!) "Aren't you on bedrest until the baby arrives?"

As if to undermine the healer's orders, the older woman's biceps bulged against her coat, hands innocently resting on top of her bump. "I rested this morning."

Well. I wasn't going to argue there.

The walk back to my place was quiet and as rushed as possible, considering I was shuffling a bit like a penguin and Kaiya basically had a beach-ball for a stomach. When we made it up the porch, I flung open the door, shucking off my shoes and barely remembering to call "Help yourself to the kitchen!" as I thundered up the stairs.

Once upon a time, Kaiya's mere presence made me sweat. Now, whilst keenly aware of her power, I could hear her throaty chuckle as I threw myself into the bathroom.

The water was hot, almost on the wrong side of scolding, with curls of steam and my shoulders flushing pink under the beating showerhead.

As quick as I was - as quick as someone cursed/blessed with chaotic hair could be - I still had plenty of time to think over what had just happened.

Before wanting to melt down the drain.

Ninja have such sensitive noses! Who knows who could've smelt the blood before Mikoto spotted it out of the corner of her eye? I certainly was unaware; which was sometimes the scariest, most paranoia-inducing thing about a period. Well, aside from the uncomfortable twinges up my thighs, like growing pains but worse, and a soreness to my lower tummy. God, what if Shisui had seen first! Bad enough that he'd caused that scene at my birthday but, for it to happen again…

"Kami…." I whimpered, sliding down the tiled wall to crouch directly under the stream. Water thundered against my back, a thumping that soothed my sore bones. Not enough, though, to make it all better. Warm water dripped over my bare shoulders, my hair a slicked and heavy weight down my spine, through my scalp and over my cheekbones to drip off my nose and lips.

It wasn't the end of the world. Really, all things considered, I probably should be breathing a sigh of relief for the bullet dodged. Let's not even go into the countless possible incidences of me leaking in front of the counter or sitting down and leaving a mark-!

If Shisui - urgh! - had looked just a little lower a little quicker…

Well. I'd probably already be working out my new name, intent on being a herbalist in good ol' Tea country. Nothing like a change in identity to run from mortifying Never-Recover-From moments.

I choked on a blubbery, very wet laugh at the thought.

But I'd wasted enough time in the shower. Kaiya was downstairs, and she was one lady I'd hate to really keep waiting, and I was very keen for my next dose of pain meds.

I turned the water off, the bathroom more than warm enough without it as I hurriedly dried off and pulled on fresh clothes.

I dressed in Kaa-san's oversized green jumper again, the jasmine scent only just clinging to the soft wool after so many re-washes. My legs were swamped in some old trackies, thermal-lined because this was me. I finished off the look with a messy, wet bun (I'd regret that later) and fluffy socks.

Hold the phone on the Child Modelling Agency, guys.

Kaiya was comfortably absconded in the living room when I padded down the stairs, a mug of tea in hand and the TV on low.

I can't even remember the last time I watched that thing. The shows here really were bullshit.

"Thanks for helping me back there, Hime." I tried for a smile, still a bit miserable.

"You should spend the night at our home, Kiharu-chan," Kaiya replied.

I mentally wiggled a finger in my ear. Huh?

"Huh?"

The older woman smiled, slow and knowing as she absently pets her baby bump. I wondered if the baby was kicking again; they did that a lot.

"Well? Pack a bag and stay for dinner. I'm sure my husband and Chouji-kun would be thrilled to see you again."

Which is how I found myself, duffle over my shoulder, at the Akimichi Compound.

The afternoon had turned on us, the sky thick with charcoal clouds that misted the streets with a light drizzle of rain. Against the backdrop of amber lanterns and budding-green trees, it only made the place look more welcoming.

Chouza opened the door for us when we arrived, an apron around his waist and his long auburn hair pulled back in a fluffy bun. At his ankle, Chouji beamed at the sight of us.

The upset clench of my stomach relaxed a bit.

"Ki'aru!" The little boy smiled, fidgeting happily whilst I shed my coat and boots before tucking his hand into mine. Smiling helplessly back at him, I remembered to dip into a quick bow when Chouza-Oji met my gaze, arm already resting on Kaiya's back.

"Thank you for having me." I mumbled.

Chouza's gaze was, as always, achingly jovial. Kaiya started moving towards the kitchen and her husband naturally gravitated after her, raising his arm again to wave Chouji and me through before him.

"The boys are going to see Yoshino after lunch, so we'll have the house to ourselves, Kiharu-chan," Kaiya called, meeting her husband's eyes across the room as Chouji pulled me towards where he'd been drawing. In a single second, they seemed to share an entire conversation. Chouza's soft gaze flicked over to me and I flushed in remembered embarrassment.

Chouji shyly showed me a surprisingly good cat. Its fur was a scrawling mixture of black and brown - although judging by the snapped black pencil abandoned under his chair, that seemed to be ore from necessity than intentional design. Its eyes, in roughly the right place, were green and I wondered if I could twist this into another 'New Dad' joke. Oh, probably.

"Right," The Akimichi Head agreed. "Chouji-chan, let's go see Shikamaru-chan, eh?"

Head turning at his father's call, Chouji visibly hesitated.

"Go on," I encouraged softly, setting my chin against his soft little temple in a quick squeeze. He smelt like babies and ginger cookies, just like when he and Shika were babies snuffling on my shoulders. Somehow, the memory made me want to cry.

Chouji slowly slipped out from under my arm, smiling that same little grin before putting over to his daddy, who swung him up on a hip and bounced him a few times.

"Let's get your coat, ay?"

When her son and husband were in the hallway, Kaiya put the kettle on to boil.

"You didn't, er, have to empty the house for me, Hime." I twisted my fingers, feeling rather off kilter after the day I'd had. "We could've just...stayed at mine?"

The boiling water whistled and Kaiya immediately set about pouring the tea, shuffling to reach side-ways (manoeuvring around her stomach) under the sink for a hot water bottle and preparing that too.

"Grab the tea, Kiharu-chan. I'll join you in the living room in a second."

Sensing an explanation, I did as I was told, socked feet slipping a bit on the high-polished wood before they met the plush carpet in the front room.

Kaiya followed a moment later, carrying a fluffy rabbit plushie and a huge fleece blanket in her arms. Which she then proceeded to dump on the sofa between us.

"Here, for your stomach," She offered the toy. It was pink, about the size of a loaf of bread, and rose pink. Hesitantly, I accepted it, inhaling in pleasant surprise when my cool skin registered the heat radiating from it's soft 'fur'. She'd put the hot water bottle inside it!

I unashamedly snuggled it, holding it against my stomach and smiling when the cramping muscles relaxed a little bit. God, I had to get me one of these. Wrapping them in a towel just wasn't the same.

The fleece was spread over us, Kaiya-hime stretching her sore ankles out on a footstool that I rather think she'd bought intended for times like this, and the tea was poured.

"I rather think, Kiharu-chan," Kaiya eventually spoke up, "that you and I deserve to put our feet up." Even with her extremely pregnant figure, bundled under a blanket with tea as the clouds finally broke and rain fell outside, she still looked incredibly regal. Absently, I wondered if I'd ever look so composed 24/7.

As if to illustrate her point, and further contrast the matriarch against her surroundings, she picked up the remote and put a film on.

I didn't much care for the TV around here, too trashy and cliche-

"Er, Hime?" I asked, eyes wide with surprise as the title flashed across the screen. Kaiya hummed. "Isn't think film...a little old for me?"

(It was hardly Icha Icha but...maybe a bit of an adult romance? Like The Other Woman or Legally Blonde...not to say that (for the latter at least) I didn't watch them when I'd been a little older than I was now. Still...I didn't expect Kaiya, of all the parents, to be the least 'responsible'(?).

"Oh, I hardly think so," The woman in question sipped her tea, lips quirking in a little smile as she watched my face in her perceptual vision. "You're almost a teenager and I've yet to see you fawn over silly things. I think it's about time you had a little fun, Kiharu-chan."

...It was a trashy movie, with a plot that put most Korean Dramas to shame. Kaiya and I watched all three in the franchise, tutting at the poor choices made and how the main girl really should've dated her best friend instead of the other guy. I got serious romantic vibes watching the two girls have a super close 'best-friendship-forever', *sigh*.

(If I mentally made a note of the name, for future perusal, well.)

….

February seemed to pass, after that horror story, relatively peacefully.

Well. This was me so it wasn't without incidences.

This time it was Ensui's idea, even though Shisui could be traced back as the kick-start.

It all began when Shisui got his crutches and bid adieu to the Wheelchair from Hell. Now, there wasn't much in the way of healthcare in Konoha (or the Elemental Nations at large) and he'd been referred to a private physiotherapy clinic regardless. However, because he was a ninja and had been injured in the line of duty, the village footed the bill for his meds and stuff. Including a certain chair. So, Shisui hadn't ever actually owned the thing.

There was a persistent knocking on my bedroom door that symbolised how quickly this day would spiral into hell. Swamped under three blankets, I had devolved into a half-melted puddle of warmth and was only capable of grunting like a pig.

The knocking only got louder.

"Kiharu!" Fuck, it was Ensui. I really regretted telling Shisui and him where the secret key was. If he's plucked his eyebrows too much again and needs advice, I'll kill him.

"Kiharu!"

The garbled shriek I made wasn't very human.

"Kiharu, your dad will kill me if he smells me in your room so just open up!"

Fuck that.

"I'll tell everyone about how much you swore at my 20-"

The duvet was thrown to the floor, extra blankets shed as I lunged towards the door. Colliding against the pale wood, which shuddered under the onslaught, I got a grip on the handle and ripped the door open.

"You wouldn't!"

Hair pulled into a messy topknot with patchy stubble littering his jawline, smudged olive eyeshadow and perfectly curled lashes (Bitch), Ensui smirked wryly. "No, I wouldn't," he agreed, hazel eyes flickering over my thermal layers and dressing gown with clear judgment. (Yes, I slept in it under all those covers. And yes, our central heating worked fine. I was just...I had bad circulation!) "That would involve me confessing we didn't just have an impromptu sleepover, as you told your dad, so...no. That's called bluffing, Ki-chan."

I smacked his arm again, just for good measure, before turning away with a haughty sniff. "Why are you even here, anyway? It's a Saturday."

The tired droop to Ensui's eyes let me know just how much the sleepy Chuunin was aware. Annoyingly, my curiosity spiked.

"Shisui hated that damned wheelchair, right?"

Rolling my eyes, I gestured for him to get on with it.

"Apparently, he abused it so much it's structurally unsound so… they're scrapping it."

Stare deadpan, I sighed. "Are you gonna get to the part which requires this rude awakening?"

Ensui took his time, lips pursed, before kissing his teeth, rude as anything. And I shut the door with a put-upon sigh.

Moving towards my wardrobe, I pulled out a pair of thermal charcoal-grey leggings and an oversized jumper, thick and plush.

"I was thinking we get it for Shisui!"

I stripped off my PJs, fumbling into the new clothes to escape the chill. Then, I sat on the edge of the bed to pull on a pair of thigh-high socks, the sleep kind that Yuri-oba had knitted me, before snatching up my hair-tie and starting to braid.

"What for? Another birthday gift, two months late?"

I could clearly hear the older boy snort as I fastened the end of my plait and tossed it over my shoulder.

"Hardly. Shisui is probably gonna trash it but it might cheer him up."

I opened the door with a sympathetic smile, leading the 20-year-old back downstairs (and glaring towards the secret compartment in the doorframe until he returned the key). "I didn't doubt you'd noticed too."

Turned to grab an apple and lemon muffin, I missed the guilty grimace that flashed over the Nara's face. "What? That he's been stuck off-duty for so long, he decided to make everyone else miserable with 'music', not to mention the moods?"

We pulled on our shoes and coats - Ensui may have been a technical intruder but, at least, he was a polite one - and I grabbed my knitted accessories before following my friend out onto the porch and locking up.

"I'll have you know, the music tuning, er, thing I got him for his birthday has helped!"

"Well done," Ensui pretended to clap, starting down the steps. "He's gone from nails on a chalkboard to a dying cat."

The snow, none freshly fallen since yesterday morning, had crystallized into crisp drifts and dangerous sheets on the pavement. Don't even ask me why it was snowing in Feb but, it seemed, Mother Nature had it out for me. Maybe she sensed my Olde Soul? Pfffft.

Pulling on my mittens, scarf bundled around my neck and earmuffs in place, I hooked my elbow through Ensui's. He was over half a foot taller than me (I could forgive him, he did have a 7 and a half year headstart) so an excellent counterweight for when I inevitably slipped.

And I did.

Many times.

There was a reason I never went skating, in both lives, and that was my inevitable reenactment of Bambi on Ice!

By the time we reached the end of my street, an impatient Ensui scarcely waited for permission ("Kami, yes!") before picking me up piggy-back style and taking to the roofs. After that, we reached the clinic in 10 minutes and I shuddered to think how long it would've taken on foot.

The wheelchair was abandoned by the bins outside, recognisable by the (very poor) pictures Shisui had scratched into the metal. You could see they'd tried to fix it, some neat solder lines on the wheels that hadn't been there before, but they probably hadn't wanted to risk it breaking again due to a patch-job.

Stood in the snow for a long second, Ensui with his hands in his pocket and with me looking like a burrito, we must've been quite the sight.

"Are we just gonna...carry it?"

I eyed the icy roads. "Not gonna lie, Ensui… I'm gonna need to hitch a lift too."

I'd said this before but… some people were so smart they looped right back around to silliness again. I'd always kinda applied this to Shisui but, sat in an abandoned wheelchair which was strapped to Ensui's back as he ran across the rooftops… I could think of several other applicable parties.

Honestly, mentally cussing up a shitstorm whilst holding on for dear life was a bit consuming so I didn't really have the time to consider revenge until we were dropping down (that's fucking right, I was falling bloody backwards!) to land in Shisui's backyard.

"Is the Wicked Witch gone?" I croaked, staggering from the chair and resting my hands on my knees. Just because I'd loved theme parks before, didn't mean I was prepared for- for that!

"It's almost 10, so probably? She's rarely in during the day, so we should be good."

I was just about to ask if he was gonna ring the doorbell when the Chuunin in question scooped up a handful of snow, squeezed it into a tight orb, and lobbed it at the window I knew was one of Shisui's.

The glass shuddered under the too-hard blow and Ensui immediately started moulding another. "Er," I began, eyeing the thin windowpane, "Ensui-"

The window opened just before the next snowball could connect as a pale hand lashed out to catch it. Curly hair peeked through the gap.

"Ohayo, Shisui-kun!"

A pale face lit up. "Kiharu? Morning!"

The hand flashed and then Ensui ducked to the side as his missile was 'returned'.

I was not so lucky.

The snowball connected with my forehead, exploding quite painfully in my face and sent me sprawling back into the snow.

Ensui let out a choked snicker but Shisui was another matter entirely, yelping before the distinctive shiver of a Shunshin thrummed.

I raised a mitten to wipe off the mess of ice and snow from my face, forehead a bit numb before there was a crunch of feet on snow nearby and then Shisui had plonked himself down beside me.

"Sorry, Ki-chan!" Fingers, bare but so warm, started brushing the ice away and I cautiously blinked, not really wanting to get anything in my eyes. A little to the side, the mortified face of our best friend, pyjamas getting wet in the snow and crutches at his side, grimacing down at me. Behind him, Ensui was bracing himself with hands on knees as he continued to snicker. I hoped he choked.

I started giggling.

"It's okay, Shisui-kun...it's Ensui's fault for ducking!"

Perhaps sensing two scowls burning into the side of his head, Ensui straightened up and immediately started in on a subject change. Absently, I wondered if he'd picked that up at work too. Then again, with Yoshino as a godmother...

"We didn't just come here to laugh at Kiharu," ("Just?") "-but bring you a gift, Shisui."

With an expansive wave of his hand, the Nara brought our focus back to the real Star of the Show.

"Is that…" Shisui gawked, staggering as I helped him up back up and handed him his crutches. "The Wheelchair of Doom?!"

That was definitely a smirk twisting Ensui's lips now. "Yep."

The evil grin on Shisui's face...well, it was automatic by now for my smile to match his.

Things escalated rather quickly.

One oversized, over-enthusiastic Fire Ball Jutsu later and the wheelchair was set ablaze. Ensui had popped inside for drinks, because that's what we were about now apparently, and Shisui had gone to get changed.

Which left me to tend to the 'bonfire'.

You know, I rather liked fires. There was something mesmerising about the flicking of an open flame, a colour that licked at the air without true solidity. The shifting colours, glimmers of electric blue and rolling auburn...well, I could watch it for hours.

It was then that I noticed that our little fire wasn't doing too well.

It was, literally, a wheelchair on fire. Nothing between the 'tinder' and the snow-packed ground, nothing else to burn. Also, most of the chair was metal or highly durable plastic. Really, it was just the cushion and armrests on fire.

"Hey, Ensui," I called, eyes still fixed on the less-than-spectacular spectacle.

"Yeah?" His voice echoed from the open door.

"Can we get some firewood on here?"

At the time, it had seemed like a great idea. Get some wood and proper tinder, get a real blaze going!

Tell you, Shisui had been thrilled. Apparently, all Uchiha were pyrophiles and he seemed genuinely ecstatic that the open flames only fascinated me. I'd be the first to admit, I wasn't the safest around fires. They were just so pretty, okay?

Ensui, with an air of amused tolerance, passed around mugs of hot coffee and I was quick to start warming my fingers. The fire may have helped, as was squishing myself under the two boy's arms like a penguin-huddle, but I was still cold.

Said boys were chatting quietly above me, Shisui's chin brushing my forehead as he turned to ask about his Clansmen at the Station. He'd grown in the chair, amusingly enough, and I'm not ashamed to admit I'd moped for days. Sometimes, I just felt like slapping my legs, as if the growing-whatever-tissue was in hibernation and just needed reminding to do its fucking job.

I refuse to never see the other side of 5 foot in this life. I was 5'9" before, this wasn't funny!

"Hey, Shisui," I cut in during a lull in the conversation, "remember when you were my age and I was still two inches taller than you?" As if to illustrate my point, I twisted to glare at him, my nose at his chin. Shisui looked dumbfounded and Ensui wheezed. "Good times."

His mouth flapped uselessly for a moment or two - Shisui could be rather slow on the comebacks sometimes - but I was already turning away, reassuring a snickering Ensui that he was much, much older and, therefore, forgiven.

It took ten more minutes for us to realise several things.

1)The metal chair wasn't burning any time soon.

2)And the tinder? Wow, now that was a big bonfire.

Everything went downhill very quickly when Shisui abruptly snapped around to gaze to our left.

"Fugaku-sama-!"

Ensui bolted like a spooked hare, eyes darting around furiously like his boss was going to jump out and scream 'boo!"

"He's coming this way, the fire must've caught his attention!"

Oh, nevermind. He was.

"Quick!" I blustered, twisting out of Shisui's grip (unsteady, he awkwardly settled his right side back on his crutches - sorry!) and scooping to fling handfuls of snow on the fire. The wood dampened and sizzled, smoking and wet, but it wasn't going out anytime soon.

"Ensui! Water Jutsu?!"

Hands defensively pressed against his chest, Ensui was not a shining example of composure. "I'm Earth Natured, don't look at me!" Behind me, Shisui started poking at the 'pyre' with one of his crutches. I mentally face-palmed.

"Fine!" I threw my hands up in the air. "We'll just do a runner-"

"I think not, Dazai-san."

All movement stopped abruptly, Shisui subtly trying to put out the end of his crutch (it was metal and plastic, how the fuck did he manage-). In front of me, Ensui pinched his brow, expression constipated.

Slowly, as innocently as possible, I twisted to face the Uchiha Patriarch. Dressed in a dark Yukata with a black coat over the top, Fugaku didn't exactly paint a picture of tolerance and friendliness.

(Actually, he looked rather like that time Sasuke had sicked up on him-)

"Good morning, Uchiha-sama." I tried to ignore the raging bonfire a little to my left. Behind his Uncle, Shisui had his lips pursed, eyes fixed on a drifting cloud high above us. Denial, Shisui, wasn't just a river in Egypt.

Fugaku quirked a brow, the movement scarcely detectable. "Good morning, Dazai-san. Is there a reason for this dangerous spectacle on Uchiha grounds?" Dark eyes trailed over the fire. I had little doubt he didn't miss, or even fail to recognise, the wheelchair smack-bang in the centre.

"Private joke?" I tried.

Shisui face-palmed.

…...

After our little show of delinquency, even if it had been Shisui's yard, Ensui had hung out with us slightly less.

On a quick lunch break, he'd reassured me that it was just because Fugaku had been keeping an even sharper eye on him, having pulled him aside. He'd said, apparently, that Ensui had been lucky that no-one besides him had witnessed our little bonfire; Ensui was on thin enough ice without adding 'immature' and 'nuisance' to the list.

God, I'd felt guilty after that. I mean, it had been Ensui's idea but we hadn't exactly started a forest fire or anything. Maybe, if we'd done it in a training ground instead…

Well...they did always say that Hindsight was 20-20.

However, the Wheelchair of Fire had done its trick ('closure', or something) and Shisui had definitely been in better spirits. Add on that Itachi had finally received news that, come the next batch of graduates, he'd be assigned a Genin team and, well.

I liked to think that, whatever gods there were, one of them had taken pity on me and decided to redirect Fugaku's attention from boring holes into the back of Ensui's skull. And mine too.

On second thought? Never mind.

The snow gradually melted, to my everlasting relief, as the new year began in earnest and I wondered if Hinata had met Naruto yet or if that had changed. The trees were still bare, for the most part, but tiny green buds had begun to slowly emerge and I knew that winter was soon to be behind us.

It didn't sound busy and I was happy, like a slice of picturesque Studio Ghibli, but it was.

Nekki's was actually closed for today because I figured we deserved the day off.

And I was completely, 8000%, right! We worked that stall most days of the year. I've never had the chance to be anything but a student before, my time passing in strict accordance of term times and lessons. It left me feeling...slightly bereft. Maybe that's why I'd been such a productive kid. Because, come spring or autumn, I was expecting the tension of exams or a new academic year beginning. And it was a tough pill to swallow, acknowledging that life didn't run to the ring of a school bell.

But I couldn't continue on this strain forever. Ensui had been right after all, back when I was first toying with the idea of Kaki day. I was getting bored. That was the issue with doing things too quickly. If I'd stayed a child for longer, waited to enter an apprenticeship now, like most civilians, Nekki's would only just be starting out.

But I didn't regret it. Who knows where I would've been without my cakes. Certainly not friends with Minato, for however brief a time. And I perhaps wouldn't have met Mikoto that day, searching for green tea. Then, there was the ripple effect. Not Mikoto equals no Shisui. No Shisui?

Well. I didn't really want to think about it.

And there was really no point getting melancholic now! I mean, I was only getting started!

So, on one of my rare day's off without purpose, I was completely justified in feeling...listless.

Hana was at school, which was just starting up again. Itachi had joined a Genin team, at long last, from the recent batch of graduates. I'd not met them yet, Itachi and I… I wasn't sure we'd ever been that close again (there was only a certain about of time you could put in one-sided effort. It made me sad, and Shisui's lips would twist like he was disappointed, but I wasn't going to push for a friend who obviously didn't want me). Speaking of, Shisui was out with Akane-sama for another physiotherapy session and Ensui...Ensui was at work…*sigh*.

So, when all else fails me?

"'Toshi."

"'Toshi."

"'Toshi."

"'To-"

"What?!"

"When can I see the baby?"

His ear twitched, the tip of his long tail flicking.

"Not. Yet."

I pursed my lips, leaning back on my hands. My fingers sunk into the thick rug beneath us, the left side of my face washed with warmth from the open fireplace. "Do you at least visit her?"

Pressed along the length of my outstretched legs, I felt the panther's massive rib cage heave with a sigh "...Occasionally."

"Why not more?"

"Alright," Hitoshi snarled, twisting to shoot me a poisonous glare with a single green eye. "Listen. I have spent decades surrounded by nonsensical humans. Cats are not so complex. I procreated with purpose, cub, and the mother is extremely territorial at this time. The new cub is still small so I will not be able to approach. Nor shall you, for a good while yet. So. Stop. Asking."

The fire crackled for a long few minutes and my summon settled down again with an affronted 'hmpf'.

"….at least tell me if she's cute."

….

Working with another Uchiha - besides Mikoto-hime, Fugaku-sama and Shisui - was...weird.

Detective Osamu-senpai wasn't necessarily a nice man, but he was a good one. He was strict (and stressed) and neat (except when he ran restless hands through his hair and ruined the neat little bun at the base of his neck) but he was fair. And fairness, Ensui had come to realise, was in short supply around here.

For example. Ryuu-san was unfair. He was unfairly well-connected, knowing every source in Konoha and on decent terms with every big shopkeeper. He was unfairly mean, always snipping and stoic in equal turns should Ensui so much as blink in his direction. He was unfair about work, completing his share with aggravating ease whilst bitching about how much longer it took the Nara, despite being fully aware of the hurdles his new coworker faced.

He was also, Ensui was bitter to admit, unfairly pretty.

Now, all Uchiha were pleasing to the eye. Fuck, most of the village was! Konoha was a village of lookers, that was a fact. Most people had a pretty something, eyes or smile or whatever. The Uchiha, on principle, had dark hair and even deeper eyes, contrasting with the general paleness of their skin.

So, yes, Ryuu was distracting. When the sunlight caught his silken hair, the strands gleaming blue, or his skin flushed with warmth.

But, then, he'd ruin it. Open that mouth and sarcastic taunts would slip out. Snarkiness, he could deal with. Heck, he'd been raised on the tongue-lashings of Yoshino, parried witticisms with Hitoshi and Kiharu, and played mind games with his uncle. Ensui knew the line between rudeness and a joke, between bullying and a game.

Ryuu was a bully and it set Ensui's teeth on edge.

True, you couldn't expect to get on with everyone you met. Hell, Ensui didn't get on with most of his Clan, let alone his colleagues or the other villagers. (Too lively, too reckless, they said; as if Ensui wasn't lazy enough for their sloth-like tastes. Just because many of them would prefer to slump over in the Compound and watch the world go by, didn't mean Ensui had to. He was plenty lazy, he just knew there were a time and a place for it.)

Their little investigation, however, had put a whole new spin on even a Nara's concept of 'slow'.

And, by slow, Ensui meant 'barely moved at all'.

Months - months! - He'd been working on putting together this case. The tampering was on-going, a small stack of copies of the corrupted files (that Ensui kept stashed away under his kitchen sink) having steadily grown since that first little report. He had evidence that it was real, that this was actually happening, but no way of finding out anything else.

The files tampered with? Ranging from attempted rapes to vandalism, from theft to swindling 'merchants' who sold expected deliveries but never made good on their word and made off with the money. There was...very little in the way of a trend. And the victims, especially those assaulted, never seemed to want to speak out.

Motive? Aside from steadily increasing the number of unsolved cases? There wasn't any proof that they were connected, either tampered with to conceal a trend or that there was an individual this all linked back to.

Suspects? Nothing.

Ryuu was helpful, annoyingly enough. But only when he wanted to be. He could get to the archives so much easier than Ensui himself, although he liked to play up that he was just so busy, another time perhaps? I'm on lunch break, Nara-san.

As if that ever stopped an Officer from working before. As if everyone didn't stay late to finish work or keep chipping away at a case most evenings, or come in even earlier in the morning. This investigation was behind closed doors for a reason; they couldn't be seen working on it so their 'free time' was, in actual fact, the only time!

There were 20 Officers, not including the higher-up Detectives and analysts. Konoha had crime, yes, but not enough to consistently interrupt Ryuu helping him with investigating the damned tamperings.

Kami, this was important. This was a scam, an interference with the law; People could be seriously wronged here and, when it inevitably became public, that was gonna be on the Uchiha!

Ensui wasn't an idiot. He knew how his best friend's Clan had been received in recent years. Ensui had already been a ninja when Kyuubi attacked, bustled into the caves with all the other Genin. He knew the rumours, the gossip that only an Uchiha could unleash the Demon like that.

He'd felt the stares, even after years of friendliness and warmth, that Mikoto-shishou had garnered. Even in that brief time when they'd worked on Kiharu's case together.

In actual fact, Mikoto could hel-

Wait.

No, no, he couldn't.

The temptation to go to her for advice, knowing she'd make coffee and listen attentively, was almost overwhelming. She'd helped him solve a robbery last month, sussing out that, whilst most ninja knew better than leave footprints, some could easily pretend to be a civilian by doing so. He'd caught the Chuunin, a cranky son who'd wanted more money from his miser-like parents, the very next day.

But… Mikoto, whilst a shopkeeper and a ninja and his shishou, was also the Uchiha Matriarch. The Chief had said he could go to her, confide in her, about the tamperings but Ensui, seeing the bond between Itachi and Shisui, knew that Uchiha watched each other's backs on a new level. He was still an outsider at the Station, even after proving his willingness to work and his ambition to succeed time and time again. Six months, half an entire year, and he wasn't sure what else to do. Something had to give.

Maybe...maybe Mikoto-hime couldn't help him this time. She'd been the one to suggest the whole thing but...what if this was the final step, the one that goes too far?

Ensui found himself at his Uncle's door.

As Jounin Commander, Shikaku-sama was holed up in the Hokage Tower, just a single level below Sandaime-sama's office and one above the Jounin lounge. It was a quiet space between too very hectic floors, painted cream and terracotta with leafy plants in the corners. They'd been from Sora-sama, Ensui knew; She'd claimed the place needed livening up. Ensui didn't miss how she'd only chosen varieties that even his Uncle would struggle to kill.

For a man who raised deer, lived in the middle of a bloody forest, Shikaku-sama had still managed to bypass 'green-thumb' and completely skip to 'water-and-they-inexplicably-die'. Much to his Aunt's ire.

The 20-year-old had scarcely knocked once before his Uncle's drowsy voice was calling him inside.

Shikaku was slumped at his desk, reclined back so far his feet stretched out the other side of the table. Which was covered with files. Ensui internally winced.

"Ensui," his Uncle grunted in greeting, eyes half-lidded and sparking with irritation. "If you've come to add to this mess-" his chin dipped towards the strewn files "-kindly desist."

Ensui, pulling out a chair opposite and slumping down to mirror his Clan Head, decided that discretion was the better part of valour. Settling himself down for a long talk, olive-toned hands ran through his hair, tugging on the tie of his pony and letting the messy strands fall against the collar of his flak jacket. "Nope," He popped his lips on the end, reaching for the coffee pot and helping himself. "It's an unrelated pile of shit."

Shikaku watched him for a long second before chuckling - ruefully, Ensui might note - and nudging his own empty mug towards his nephew. Ensui wordlessly topped it up.

"Anything to get me away from this stuff," he was probably going to regret that, the Sergeant noted, "Go on. What now?"

"Oba-san and my folks tell you about how things are going at the Station?"

Shikaku-sama raised a brow, cradling his coffee. "Yes, although I doubt I need to remind you that I don't need those comments to keep track of you."

Ensui dipped his head, the two sharing a smirk. "Of course." And then, all humour was gone. "I've not been well received. The Uchiha are...more suspicious than anticipated."

His uncle's office was completely secured, under the same seals as the Hokage's - thanks to the work of Yondaime-sama and Uzumaki Kushina-hime - but Ensui couldn't help but glance around nervously.

The relaxed slope of Shikaku's shoulders tensed, expression sharper than any weapon. "Have they suspected anything?"

"No, no," Ensui bit out, sitting upright. "Mikoto-shishou has assured me that there have been no real remarks regarding my presence, both through the Uchiha Compound and in the Head's household."

Shikaku didn't relax. "What, then?"

"There have been...tamperings."

Dark eyes bore into his and Ensui, as he had as a kid, imagined he could see the lightning-quick thoughts flashing through his Uncle's mind.

"So, someone is messing with the Uchiha. Still...is there any connection to Danzo?"

Before he'd even finished speaking, Ensui was shaking his head. "For the most part, they seem wholly unconnected. Files missing, witnesses unwilling to talk about the pettiest of crimes, lab reports misplaced. It's all very haphazard."

"Are you not investigating this? Fugaku must surely be aware…"

"I've already been assigned to it. As it is now, only Fugaku-sama, shishou and Uchiha Ryuu are involved. Besides us."

Shikaku knocked his coffee back in one long gulp, uncaring for the heat. Tanned fingers set it down with a light 'thump', which felt strangely resounding in the tense room. "And this is affecting your primary mission?"

"I'm saying, Oji-sama, that it's not adding up. Uchiha Ryuu is unconcerned and the Chief doesn't seem as affected as you'd expect once discovering that his Station is riddled with corruption. It's the apathy that hints to something bigger."

"Like what, nephew?" Shikaku stared, scarred face darkly amused. He's three steps ahead but wants me to catch up on my own...tch.

"Either someone has a vendetta against the Station or...they're the ones involved."

His Uncle barked a laugh, raspy and familiar and dangerous. "Internal Clan politics or are you jumping straight to treason, Ensui?"

Only a lifetime of playing his mind-games kept the younger man from acting on his mounting frustration. Pacing being the mildest, although flipping his chair and demanding clarification was also pretty up there. "You tell me."

His uncle turned to assess him out of the corner of his eye, his facial scars only adding to the effect. Shikaku-sama may have been as lethargic as an overfed housecat most days but his mind never dulled. And here, in this office, he was Ensui's superior in more than just rank.

"Fugaku has been much more vocal at the Council meetings as of late. Whilst it is important to promote the needs of our Clans and ensure standing within both the economy and politics of the village, especially after Danzo's treachery, the smaller clans and civilians may feel stifled. They push too hard or not enough...people are so fickle."

"So," Ensui licked his lips, the flesh slightly cracked from worried abuse. "Do you think someone is attempting to curtail the Uchiha's advance via their work as Police?"

Shikaku's sighed through his nose. "Maybe. This-" he gestured between them, "-is all mere conjecture unless we can find solid proof...or, at the very least, a viable lead before presenting this to Sandaime-sama."

Ensui's mouth opened, closing when he thought better of it. The knowing glint in the Jounin Commander's eye, gaze missing nothing, did not reassure him.

But… Sandaime-sama had, dare he say it, hesitated. He was lenient towards his old student, Orochimaru, and had hesitated to strike out against Danzo as soon as the ROOT plant was discovered. Even after that very same operative had attacked and died.

In comparison, his order to infiltrate the Uchiha Police had been swift. Mikoto had been a willing aide, getting Ensui into the actual Station as her apprentice and then subtly persuading her husband to enlist Ensui into the actual force. (Mikoto had been the one to originally go to the Hokage, acting as Matriarch and demanding intervention. Her Clan was talking, she knew this. She wanted peace. And so, Ensui had suggested he suss out the Officers.)

"What should I do?" he croaked instead.

Shikaku-sama straightened, legs crossing at the ankle and elbows coming to rest on his desk with hands clasped. "You tell me."

…...

"Are you serious? He's a kid!"

Kiharu glanced around, as if any ninja worth their salt wouldn't be concealed better, and tightened her grip on his elbow. Her fingers were icy, as always, on his skin.

"Shisui, I am being serious! I have a bad feeling about this…"

The Jounin frowned.

They'd just come back from Ichiraku's - where they'd polished off an entire Yondaime's between them - when they'd bumped into Itachi in the marketplace.

With his new Genin squad.

They'd seemed nice enough, both of them civilian in origin but interacting with his cousin without the usual hesitation. Shisui had introduced himself happily, glad that his younger relative seemed off to a promising start. Kiharu, after a long minute, had followed suit.

He wasn't sure the other kids had noticed but...well, both Itachi and himself had known Ki-chan far too long.

Any kind of friendliness in his cousin's eyes had vanished, the two staring for a long moment before they'd stiffly parted ways.

"Why were you so rude to Itachi, though?"

Oops, he probably should have phrased that better. But, as expected, Kiharu pulled away looking defensive.

"I wasn't rude, I was surprised."

Shisui scowled, turning the corner onto Kiharu's street and grumbling under his breath, "could've fooled me…"

Judging by the angry set to his best friend's jaw, she'd heard that too.

"That boy gave me a bad feeling, alright? I was going to warn him but…"

Whilst it was true that Itachi had been even more distant recently, he had just joined his new Genin team. For his cousin...that kind of support had been lacking for ages. Shisui had been there for him as much as possible but, for one thing, he was on crutches. Not to mention that running to help him with Danzo and that entire catastrophe no doubt contributed to Itachi's broodiness. But it was great that his cousin could have friends now! He'd always been so shy, Shisui was slightly worried for him, but maybe things were looking up for him!

"'A bad feeling'?" Shisui couldn't help the dubiousness from creeping into his voice. Surely Kiharu wasn't going to-

Sapphire narrowed as the shorter girl crossed her arms. Oh. She was.

Kiharu was smart - like...she talked about things Shisui knew no-one else really thought about - but she just. She jumped to conclusions, okay? Sure, she was right 80% of the time when she got really inventive but...there was still that 20% to think about.

And Shisui had thought Itachi's teammates were nice enough.

"You think I'm being stupid?"

Shisui's mouth reacted before his brain did. "Uh, yeah? They're just kids, Ki-chan, and you've never even met them before."

A couple on the street corner, hands clasped between them, glanced over curiously when Kiharu tipped her head back to groan. Shisui shuffled on his crutches.

"Why can't you just trust me with this?"

The jibe hit a nerve in his chest and Shisui felt his waning patience fade as something ugly twisted his chest, twisted his mouth. "Trust? That's hypocritical..."

Kiharu's eyes may as well have been two blue flames and they both ignored the mother in the garden across the street, glancing over as she weeded the front flower beds. "Excuse me?"

Her disbelief only fanned his frustration. Why was she so- urgh! "You heard me! How do you think it feels, playing go-between between you and my cousin? Why can't you just-!"

A single finger poked him once, twice in the centre of his chest. Hard. "Oh, no, go back to what you said about trust!" KIharu took another step forward, impatiently brushing her plait back over her shoulder. Damn, but Shisui wished he wasn't on crutches. He felt awkward, stilted like this. The urge to cross his arms and meet her step-for-step was almost overwhelming. "You don't think I trust you, huh?"

"We're talking about Itachi, you idiot!"

There's a hot curl of something in Shisui's stomach and Kiharu's cheeks get really red when she's angry. And, suddenly, he doesn't know what to do with his hands, awkwardly held as they are at the elbow. His fingers clench the smooth plastic handles, wanting to reach out somehow, and his palms are sweating.

The anger's gone now, though it still sparks in the younger girl's eyes, but Shisui still feels...agitated.

"You're not gonna trust me on this?" Kiharu's bitter voice, muttered under her breath with disappointed eyes, snaps him out of it. Just.

He hates it when she looks like that. Resigned, as if she's waiting for everyone to turn around and bail.

Well...Shisui was known for running in head first, stubborn as a mule.

(-Kiharu, cold but clammy hands squeezing his, hunched as they were in the corner of Hitoshi's hospital room. Her eyes had been dark and frantic and he'd scarcely believed that she'd seen his Clan and figured it out and tried to help-)

"Why, Ki-chan? He's barely a Genin?"

Kiharu stared at him for a long second, like she was weighing him up. She did that a lot but he tried not to take it personally, being a ninja after all. He hadn't told her anything about a lot of stuff, so he couldn't expect her to be 100% honest when he wasn't. (Even though, as a civilian, he really hadn't expected her to have anything much to hide, besides the usual privacy stuff.)

(Even if those comments about trust had hit a little too deep, a little too hard.)

Something shifted in those dark eyes and Shisui felt his own narrow in response.

"What?" He muttered, dipping his shoulders to give the illusion of privacy on her open street. Maybe we should've talked about this at her place…

"He...he smells wrong." Had he not been a ninja, Shisui might've taken that with a pinch of salt. But, for all that his best friend wasn't a Kunoichi, her heritage certainly was. "And his eyes are wrong like he wants to dissect us."

"Who? Itachi?" Shisui blinked, lips parting in surprise. He knew his cousin and Kiharu had had a falling out - neither would mention it but something must have gone wrong! - even though it annoyed him. He was so loyal to both of them, sometimes it felt like they wanted him to choose. (He wouldn't and they'd have to deal with that.)

Small fingers came out and gripped his shirt, fisting the material just below his harness, as Kiharu stepped even closer. A couple, skirting around them on the pavement, giggled and Shisui wondered why on earth his chest was thudding like that.

"No, Shisui!" Kiharu's jaw clenched. "That Kabuto kid!"

….

OMAKE I

Wherein Morning-chan made me a meme so I really had to include this~

"Get out of the tank."

Ensui's really not in the mood for this, foot tapping and arms crossed and way too sober for this shit.

Two meters above his head, Shisui merely grins. "You're not her dad!"

A tick twitches at his temple, temper mounting. "Get out of the tank, you two!"

"You're not her dad!"

"I am her dad, get out of the fucking tank!"

A red bandana, orange under the yellow streetlamp, and then Kiharu was up there too. The duo smirk in tandem, devious grins and sparkling eyes belying the alcohol they're way for young to have had access too. God, this wasn't healthy.

The fact that they'd clambered into an honest-to-Kami tank was, really, just the cherry on the top of a very bad night (morning? Was it morning yet?).

"You're not my dad-!"

"-you're not her dad!"

"Get out of the fucking tank, I'm part of the Uchiha police!"

"We are literally in a tank and you're not~"

"It'll go on your record-"

"PUT IT ON MY RECORD, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!"

(this is a meme that Morning-chan, the star, redrew for Ensui, Shisui and Kiharu. Check it out on my Tumblr, "x-authorship-x"!)

…..

'Kuiaratameru': 'repent'

A/N- OH. MY. GOD.

The response to the last chapter?! I was absolutely blown away and I'm honestly shaking. Add on the fact that, on AO3, this fic is in the top 10 across all fandoms in the tag 'self-insert' and the third fic for Naruto? And it's part of 21 communities on ?

I'm pretty sure my brain stopped functioning for at least three days.

All I can say it...thank you so much! Our girl and the gang have come so far (three arcs, by my reckoning) and we're just entering the 'fourth'! I hope you fastened your seatbelts!

(Okay, yet again some bad news. I was on Cloud 9 after your amazing responses to the last chapter and many of your comments actually really touched me. Ask Discord, I was a wreck. So, on a high, I decided to check out the fics listed as inspired by this one...Just a message for anyone unaware: Fanfic can be plagiarised as intellectual property and I don't want anyone to do this again, to me or any of you. Maybe it was a genuine mistake. But, the tone of the entire fic…I was devastated. So, please be careful and respectful to every fic out there, please!)