A/N:Wow, can you believe this...an update? First of all bnjwl has survived her sickness and I have broken through my mental writers block! So, we have another installment of MP for you all! We are working really hard to get a chapter to you on Monday like normal, keep your fingers crossed for us, please!
A big fat thanks to mamadog93 for pre reading, and A Jasper For Me for betaing this bitch! They both got this back to within an hours time, swear it!
Now get on down there and read, you've waited too long to be up here reading this stuff...
Chapter 14B
Bella
It had been almost four weeks. Well, three weeks, three days and about ten hours since I walked out of the hospital and into Edward's arms. I knew I had a long way to go to get to a place that could be called healthy again, but having Edward with me was a start.
He was always the person that made me want to strive for more. The one that encouraged me to be who I was, yet reach to be better at the same time. It sounded stupid and corny when I described it now. I guess it was something special between us and others just wouldn't understand.
I sat and fidgeted, then I stood and paced, then I sat and wrote in my journal. I moved, and I pretended today wasn't the big day that it was. I tried to settle my nerves and talk myself down. I wouldn't lie, I wanted to go and just purge my stomach for two reasons; I felt like the rock that was in there would be better if it were out, and I wanted control. I wanted to feel like I had a handle on something. Even if it were something small, like how much food was in my body.
See that had always been my issue, I never had control. I was always told to go here, dance for that part, wear this costume, smile a little wider next time, and so on and so forth. I never decided. Now, had the control but wasn't sure what to do with it.
I reached for my phone instead.
"Hey, baby, I will be there in time; in fact, I'm almost there. Emmett made me come home; he said I was useless to him anyway." Edward's smooth voice took over my brain and almost all other thoughts left me.
"I know, its okay. I just … can you tell me again?" I asked, so small and afraid, so weak and desperate for his help.
"Sure, Princess, anything for you." I heard his deep intake of breath. I knew he was worried about me, but this had become our routine. I admitted when I felt weak, and he talked me through it with our memories. "You know the first time I saw you, you were all in pink. Head to toe." He chuckled under his breath. "You refused to play because princesses don't get dirty. That's what you told me." I closed my eyes and drifted back to a time when it was just us. We were young, and our life was so simple. Our hardest decision was what house had the best menu to eat dinner at. Nothing hard, nothing hurtful happened. I listened as his velvet voice soothed me. I let the tears slide from my eyes and thanked God he was here for me.
By the time he was ready to pull onto our street, I was calm again. I was ready to see him. He'd had to stop for gas, so I occupied myself for a little while longer. I flopped in the large over-stuffed chair that made me think of my dad and wrote it all down in my journal. It was a new part of my therapy, and to be honest, I liked it. It felt so liberating to get all those feelings out, to purge myself in a healthy way instead is what my doctor called it. When you combined that with my daily talks with Edward, I was on my way to living a life I could be proud of.
In fact, the journal worked so well for me Edward had started one as well. His was more about our life, the things he missed and things he enjoyed about our time together. I read through his words when he was done and some would make me laugh, some would make me cry. Then I would write things to him. We never held back in our journal. We were completely honest and had to attend therapy several times because of it.
The first time was when I read the six pages Edward wrote explaining how pissed off he was that I allowed Renee to push me around and how I never stood up for us. It hurt, it made me cry, it crushed my spirit and I almost walked away. But deep down inside, I realized he was right. I never fought for us. I just did as I was told. So, I called and made sure it would be alright if I brought Edward with me to my therapy appointment the next day, and we spent the hour hashing it all out. Dr. Zafrina explained how I had separated myself from those decisions in order to keep myself from losing my mind, and she explained to me how it was totally acceptable for him to feel angry. We talked about it and Edward shared so much that day. We walked away with several small things we had for homework to work on over the next few weeks, the main thing being communication.
Now we talk with each other every single day. I make dinner, he comes in and we sit and talk. No trivial subjects; we discuss our feelings, our sorrows, and all sorts of other things that hold us back. When dinner is over, we move on and enjoy our evening together.
Everyone tried to talk Edward into going back to his apartment to stay after I got out of the hospital, but he refused to leave me. I refused to let him leave me. We had both proven over and over again we just couldn't do it alone. We needed each other in order to survive. So, with Dr. Zafrina's approval, we moved in together. We tried with great effort to take it slow, but that didn't work either. There was just something about the way Edward's hands felt against my skin that soothed me and made me focus on how loved and appreciated I was. It made me see, that in his mind, I was worth it, so I worked harder to be worth it for him. I didn't know if that was acceptable or healthy, and to be honest I didn't care because it worked for us, so we went with it.
Over the last few weeks, we had both flourished. Edward had been hard at work with Emmett to write enough songs for a new record. I reconnected with my dad and worked on getting back into shape. I didn't want to dance professionally any longer, that desire had left me long ago, but I would have liked to teach a class somewhere. I wanted to see a child's eyes as they lit up when they got their position right or when they were lifted in the air for the first time. I wanted to see the joy for ballet again, and maybe, just maybe, that would bring back that long forgotten joy to my life and for dancing as well.
I also spent several days a week with a nutritionist. She helped me plan meals that were beneficial to my body. They helped me rebuild from the inside out. I knew it was necessary, but at the same time, I didn't fool myself into thinking it would be an easy road. The first time I threw up was at about age thirteen. That was a long time to hold onto a habit. I knew why I did it had changed that mental attitude, making it easier to let it go, but the physical habit was much, much harder to let go of. As sick as it sounded, it was so soothing to drop to my knees in front of a toilet and purge myself. I felt whole again, new, fresh, perfect, and in control. At one time it was a feeling I only felt there in that one place. Now I focused on the other parts of my life that brought me those same feelings, and I could walk away from the bathroom and not use it as my crutch any longer.
It was harder to watch the pounds form on my body. It was scary to watch Edward's face as he saw me naked. The astonishing fact was, his face showed me his disapproval so many times before I put the weight on, and not once did it show that same look with the extra weight. He showed me his stash of porn and the way his favorite girls looked. They were not skin and bones. In fact, they all looked sort of like me; long brown hair, brown eyes, full luscious mouths, and a rounded curved body. After several talks like this, I finally started to believe him. Especially when he would worship my body with his hands, mouth and his body every time I would tell him how much weight I had gained.
Life had settled into a nice rhythm for us both, except for one small part … Riley. Riley had spent the last month away at a camp. He left two days before Edward and I showed up at Carlisle and Esme's to have it out. I was thankful, the last thing I wanted was for his first impression of Edward to be in a volatile situation. He wrote me letters from camp. He told me of all the great activities he participated in, and Edward devoured every single one. Riley did not know about Edward yet, so he wasn't aware of the need to include him in the letters. Surprisingly, that didn't bother Edward. We all agreed we would wait 'til Riley came home to talk to him. It would be much less of a shock that way.
That was why I was so nervous today. Today was the day we would take Edward to meet Riley. I changed at least three times and then decided I was being silly because Riley already knew me. I didn't need to dress up to impress him. I just needed to help him see the real Edward, and I knew he would fall in love with him just like the rest of us had.
Apparently, I was needed to help calm Edward as well, because when he arrived back at the apartment we shared, he was a wreck.
"Hey, baby. You feel better now?" He asked as he kissed my forehead.
"So much so, thank you." I always felt embarrassed when he had to help me that way, but for whatever reason, I never felt embarrassed for him when he needed my help. I guess it bothered me to feel weak. I had always been weak, and I didn't want to be any longer. I watched as he dropped down onto the love seat.
"I guess I picked up your nervousness. I feel it now." As he looked up at me from beneath his lashes, and he looked so scared.
"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to project that onto you. I should not have called." I bit my lip in between my teeth and tried to figure out a way to make this better.
Edward pulled me down onto the love seat with him, and I went willingly. "Never; I always want to be your first call when you need anything. No matter what time, whatever the situation, never worry about calling me." I nodded and picked at the sleeve of his t-shirt. "Now I think I'm just nervous he won't like me, that I won't be enough for him, you know?"
"He's gonna love you. You two are so much alike it's not even funny. Besides, you play piano; he'll love you for that fact alone." Edward's eyes lit up. We had talked about Riley's love for the piano several times and his deep hatred for his current piano teacher. Edward itched to take over and teach him, but he would wait for Riley to suggest it, just to make sure he wasn't pushing him. "So, tell me about your day before we go 'cause we won't get to talk about that later, I'm sure we'll have more important topics then." I winked at him.
Edward relayed how Emmett sent him home early because he couldn't concentrate on a single thing. I worried about him because now he had my nervousness and his all rolled into one. I only knew one way to soothe him, so I immediately took him into our bedroom and stripped his clothes off of him. I made him lay face down on the bed and began to massage his tense neck, shoulders and arms. I moved down his back and worked his spine as well. I pushed the tension all the way down his body until I reached the tip of his toes.
He was relaxed and laid spread out on the bed for me. I could feel the charge in the air around us. I no longer felt tension, now I felt the need, his need. For once, he needed me, and I could make sure he was taken care of. I pulled my well-planned clothes off and flipped Edward over on the bed. I used my oiled hands to massage his cock. It stood at attention without much coaxing and was ready for me in a matter of minutes.
"Shit, baby, do we have time for this?" He panted.
"Shhh, you just let me worry about everything for the rest of the night, okay?" I teased his body with sweet kisses as I spoke to him. His hands tensed and reached for the sheets of our bed as he fought against himself to take control. "I'm here and can finally pay you back for all those times you took care of me. Let me show you what you mean to me, please." I opened my mouth and placed several open mouthed kisses across his hip. His hands dropped back to the bed, and I could see the submission on his face.
I climbed across his body and placed myself directly across the one spot I wanted to be. Between the massage oils I used on him and my natural lubrication, I was able to slide my body back and forth across his cock easily.
Edward's hand gripped my hips, but all they did was hold me. He let me set the pace, the rhythm, everything about this time was my choosing. I took it slow enough to keep his mind off the upcoming situation, yet fast enough to make sure we had time to get ready afterwards.
I whispered sexy things to him; dirty things and words of love all intermingled as I rode him. I used my body to show him my love and appreciation. And the look of satisfaction that passed across his face a few seconds before he came was enough to push me over the edge, and I joined him.
Within thirty minutes, we were both showered and dressed again. The trip to Carlisle and Esme's house was a quiet one but not uncomfortable at all. We each were locked in our own heads but still together in our presence.
E/N: Show me the love...come on, you know you want to!
