Disclaimer: All rights to the name "K-On!" belong solely to Kyoto Animation. I do not profit from writing this story.
Author's Note: Haven't updated in a long time. For those following the story I apologize but I have been occupied for the latter part of last year. Enjoy the next chapter.
Natsu-fest left a serious impression on the girls of Hokago Tea Time. Since then they had attacked both their studies and practices with a renewed vigor.
The final exams of the year came and went with all the seniors doing well, especially Yui, who had improved tremendously. There was only a month left before the final end of year performance.
Everybody in the band was excited about the festival and what they were going to perform.
Except Mio.
She sat there in the darkness of her room as she stared vacantly onto a blank, white screen. Mio would type furiously only to sigh in exasperation and then delete everything and start from scratch again. She had been doing this for the past four hours and Mio was beginning to feel like a broken record.
My lyrics feel so fake and corny.
Just like Light and Fluffy Time, and My Heart is a Stapler and all our other songs!
No…I'm just tired is all. Maybe I should take a break.
With that Mio stood up and stretched her arms out before going downstairs.
"Mom I'm going to take a walk. I won't be long."
Natsumi Akiyama walked out of the kitchen as she was wiping her hands dry with her apron. Like her daughter she too had gray eyes and dark, black hair though hers were not as long as Mio's.
"You're going out? That's good because I was planning on going to the grocery store but I need a little help."
Mio felt like rolling her eyes.
"Mom do I have to come? I was only going to go outside for a bit of fresh air before I started back up on the lyrics to my new song."
"Are you making any progress?"
"Yeah."
Natsumi felt like she was drowning in Mio's aura of doom and gloom and could tell that her daughter was lying.
"You're coming with me." replied Natsumi sternly.
"Mom really I don't have time to-"
"You don't have a choice."
The urge to disobey her mother was overwhelming. Mio had reconciled with her father since their last conflict but her relationship with her mother still felt awkward.
There was nothing to gain by arguing with her mother.
"Fine."
The local grocery store was about half a mile away. Both mother and daughter walked silently side by side as the sun was beginning to set behind them.
Mio observed her mother and thought about what her father told her about their history. She wanted to give her mother the benefit of the doubt but just couldn't. She then placed her hand gingerly on her cheek.
The bassist still held a small, soldering resentment toward her father because of that. She no longer feared him but Mio knew that it would take a long time before she could fully forgive and trust her father once again.
This resentment extended toward her mother as well.
"So you're having trouble with your lyrics."
"Yeah."
"What's the matter? This isn't the first time you have had trouble but you seem really out sorts this time around."
Mio narrowed her eyes.
"You wouldn't understand mom."
"Try me."
The bassist sighed. Mio could see her mother grinning mischievously.
"You're enjoying this way too much mom."
"Why shouldn't I? You're my daughter."
"Why do you care now?"
The air around them suddenly turned to ice.
Natsumi knew that this was going to happen. While she was happy that Toshiro managed to reconcile with Mio it hurt her to know that Mio still avoided her. In fact Natsumi couldn't even remember the last time she was alone with her daughter.
"Do you still think I'm a coward?"
Mio clenched her fists as she tried to placate her growing anger.
"Yes."
"I see."
Natsumi smiled sadly as she watched the sun disappear over the horizon. The sound of the train going by the railroad tracks echoed out into the evening before being followed up by a chorus of cicadas. A small shrine stood before them with dense foliage decorating its entrance. There were no people in sight.
Tatsuya
My eternal joy
And unending sorrow.
I dream of holding you in my arms
As I dry your tears.
"It's okay."
You will one day be brave.
Tatsuya
Your name brings me fulfillment
And complete emptiness.
You were my greatest success
But I was your biggest failure.
Will you whisper in my dreams
As I pray desperately for you?
Mio stared at her mother in amazement.
"That was beautiful. I didn't know you could sing."
"When I was a little girl I had wanted to become a famous singer so I practiced all the time."
"What happened? Why didn't you become a famous singer then?" asked Mio curiously.
"You should know the answer better than anyone else Mio. You make sure to remind me whenever you get a chance."
Mio felt nauseous when she heard her mother's harsh reply. Seeing that her daughter was sufficiently subdued Natsumi continued to speak.
"I know better than anyone else the consequences of cowardice. My hands are stained with blood because of it."
The bassist, though a bit frightened of her mother's unusual behavior, was beginning to connect the dots. Her eyes widened as she came to her realization.
"Tatsuya…that was the name of your first child, wasn't it mom?"
Natsumi smiled glumly.
"Looks like Toshiro has told you some of the story. You're right Mio. Tatsuya was the name of your older brother. He died during childbirth."
"Mom you can't possibly think it's your fault."
"It is my fault! It was because of my cowardice that he's dead now!"
"How can you say that mom!"
Natsumi took a deep breath as she struggled to control her emotions.
"I was told by my doctor that I was going to have an emergency C-Section to save Tatsuya. But I was absolutely petrified of the thought of my guts being cut open. What if the doctor cut me somewhere and I bled to death on the operating table? What if my epidural didn't work and I was forced to experience horrific pain as I was operated on?"
"I got hysterical and refused to cooperate with my doctor. Even with the knowledge that my child was suffocating to death in my womb I still couldn't get over my terror of the impending surgery. By the time I calmed down enough to have the C-section it was already too late."
Mio was crying softly when her mother ended her tale. She couldn't believe that something this traumatizing had happened to her mother. Sure her father had told her about what had happened but it was not until now that the bassist comprehended the magnitude of the situation.
The bassist felt pathetic thinking that her pain was so great when her mother had gone through something far more horrific. Somewhere within Mio's psyche she asked herself whether she would have had the strength to continue living had she committed the same mistake as her mother. It frightened her to find that she had no answers.
"I wanted to hurt you, to make you feel my anguish for not standing up for me when all this time you have been in so much pain. I'm such a horrible person." spat Mio bitterly.
"Mio you stop that right now! I'll tell you what you are. A beautiful, intelligent and driven young woman that I'm proud to call my daughter!"
Natsumi then stared at Mio's reddened face. It was amazing to think that young woman before her had been small enough to fit into her arms and was now almost as tall as she was.
"I was wrong about you. Please forgive me mom."
"There is nothing to forgive. You were in pain and confused. Your father and I will take the blame for that. Even though the past few weeks have been difficult on us all I'm happy that it happened. I feel like I'm getting to know the real you Mio. So if anything I should be the one saying sorry for not standing up for you. Your father means well but I know he's harsh. But I allowed his abrasive behavior to erode your sense of self-worth. Standing up to us is but the first step in obtaining your happiness. You will come across more obstacles. But I have faith that you will overcome them."
This was the first time that Mio truly looked up to her mother. Mio saw a woman who overcame the greatest setback a mother could ever experience. The amount of love and respect was so overwhelming that Mio couldn't help but embrace her mother tightly.
"You're the bravest woman I know mom. I just wanted to let you know that."
Natsumi's eyes widened as her daughter's words hit her like a meteor. Her breath felt like it was vacuumed out of her lungs and her heart was so overcome with joy that her chest actually hurt.
All those years of pain, regret and joy would no longer be ignored as they burst forth from Natsumi like a geyser.
Mio held her sobbing mother close to her bosom gently caressing the older woman's hair through her fingers. Had someone told Mio six months ago that she would have to be strong for her mother she would have freaked out and said that it would have been impossible.
Yet here she was swallowing her own emotions so that she could allow her mother the closure she desperately needed. It never occurred to Mio that she had just achieved a milestone in her quest to conquer her fears.
All Mio knew was that her mother needed her to be strong.
Author's Note: I know that this is a very short chapter and features none of the cast other than my OC and Mio. However this was a plot point that had not yet been resolved yet so I wanted to get it done. Consider this a bridge chapter to the next arc which will start in the next chapter. For sure I promise lol!
Anyway let me know what you all think. Again I know it is far shorter than what I normally write. Don't be afraid to give me your honest opinions. Anyway many thanks to those who have stuck by the story and continue reading and reviewing. It is all appreciated!
