The morning passed relatively slowly. Edward stayed at her side, baring his teeth whenever anyone got too close. Bella knew he was afraid someone would say something that upset her. It wasn't until lunch that he finally left her alone.
Even then, Bella was babysat by Jasper.
"So you know it's like an honor to sit here," Jasper told her, nodding sagely.
Bella tore her eyes from Edward's tall frame. He and Emmett were in line getting pizza. "What do you mean?"
Jasper opened his iced tea and it made a popping noise. "It's always just been the three of us. Me, Edward and Em. No girls. Ever."
Bella squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. "I can go back and sit with Angela."
Jasper half laughed and shook his head. "I'm not telling you to move, Bella. I'm just sayin', it shows how much you mean to Edward."
Bella's eyes sought out Edward again. "Jessica never sat up here?"
"No!" Jasper replied, aghast. "Are you kidding? That would never happen, even if Edward wanted it…and trust me, he never did."
"So what were they?" Bella asked. She was back to watching Edward. He paid for their pizza and looked up at her, their eyes locking across the cafeteria. "He said she didn't mean much to him. So it was just…physical?"
"Ummm," Jasper hummed. "I think maybe they were friends in the beginning, and then they thought it could be something more? But it wasn't?"
Bella's lips twitched at Jasper's doubtful and uncomfortable tone, obviously trying to shield her delicate emotions from the truth. Raised voices caught her attention, and Bella looked back at Edward.
"Shit," Jasper muttered.
Mike was standing in front of Edward, his back to Bella and Jasper. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but the expression on Edward's face told her enough. Mike said something else and a couple of the guys around them began laughing. Edward threw down his tray of food and it scattered on the floor.
"Be back in a sec," Jasper said lightly. He jumped up from the table and jogged over to the boys. Emmett now had one hand on Edward's shoulder.
Edward tried to shrug Emmett off and Mike immediately took a step back. When Edward began to speak, Bella could tell he was using his low, scary voice.
She hated that voice.
Emmett pushed past Edward and said something, spreading his hands and shrugging. Jasper started laughing, as did Tyler, Eric and a few of the other guys. Mike shook his head and turned around to take his seat, acting as though nothing had happened, but his face was bright red. Edward's expression never changed.
Bella wished she heard what Emmett had said. He was so good at diffusing potentially explosive situations. More and more, she found herself looking to him as the voice of reason. Emmett put his hands on Edward's shoulders and steered him to their corner of the cafeteria.
Edward avoided eye contact as they approached, giving Bella the chance to study him unabashedly. He looked paler than usual, which only emphasized the dark circles under his eyes. He must not be sleeping well.
"Shit," he sighed. He stood before her and raked a hand through his hair. Bella raised an eyebrow. "Your pizza."
Emmett sat down and twisted open his bottle of water. "Jasper's getting more. He figured Bella wouldn't want a slice that kissed the floor of the cafeteria."
Bella grimaced. "He thought right."
Edward sank into the seat next to her and laid his head down on his arms. The chair scraped loudly across the floor as he moved it closer to her side. Then he closed his eyes.
Emmett whipped out his cell phone and began dialing a number, completely ignoring the school's zero tolerance program for cell phones. Bella hid her smile and shifted her attention back to Edward. She reached out and gently twisted a lock of his hair.
He opened one eye and Bella felt her heart skip a beat. Sometimes she forgot how unnaturally gorgeous he was, and then at moments like this, it struck her full force. Bella swallowed her awe.
"Hey," she whispered.
"Hey," he murmured back, sitting up straight. Edward put his arm around her and pulled Bella to his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "How are you doing?"
Bella shrugged and rested her head against his shoulder. "Better than you, I think."
He was quiet for a moment and she thought he was listening to Emmett on the phone. All of a sudden, he cupped her face, making her look at him. "I'll make this up to you, somehow. I promise."
Bella did her best to smile. She nodded and closed her eyes when he ducked his head to brush his lips across hers.
No one saw Jessica after their trip to the guidance office, so Bella was able to relax. The rest of the day passed without incident, except for when Mike offered her a ride to work. They were both going directly to Newton's Outfitters directly after school, so logically, it was a reasonable request.
Except Mike asked her in front of Edward, who kind of growled in response, and Mike quickly walked away. She didn't bother telling Edward that he was acting ridiculous.
"What time do you want me to pick you up?" Edward asked.
Bella eyed him warily. It would probably be easier to just accept his offer than to argue. Besides, the walk to the Cullens' house was way too long. "I get off at nine."
It was cold outside, but Bella was eager to be away from Edward. He had been in a dour mood all day, which was understandable, but she hated it all the same. His moods brought her down, too.
She took a deep breath of the cool air and waved goodbye. It was a relief to escape the oppressive tension that pressed down on them inside of the car.
"Hi, Mrs. Newton," Bella smiled as she entered the shop.
"Hey, Bella!" she greeted her. Mrs. Newton, or Cheryl, as she insisted on being called, looked as though she was thirty-something instead of forty-something, and smiled more than anyone else Bella had ever met. "Long time, no see, right?"
"Yeah," Bella agreed. Mrs. Newton usually worked day shifts, and Mike or his father worked at night. "Where are the boys? I thought Mike said he was working tonight."
"He is, or he was," Mrs. Newton nodded. "But I sent him into Port Angeles to pick up a special order."
"Oh," Bella replied. She was less than enthusiastic about working with Mike's mother. Whereas Mike and his father would leave Bella to her own devices, Mrs. Newton was definitely a talker.
"So, tell me," Mrs. Newton began, pushing aside the invoices she had been working on. "Have you begun applying to all of your colleges? Last time we talked you were dead set on going somewhere in the Northeast. Marist, right?"
Bella blinked, stunned. It seemed like years since anyone had asked her anything that didn't pertain to Jessica's pregnancy, especially about something as normal as school. "Um….right, I was looking at Marist and Vassar."
"Yes, Vassar," Mrs. Newton nodded. "I visited one of my girlfriends there back in the eighties. You'd absolutely love it, Bella. Just over an hour to the city, too."
"That does sound nice," Bella said reluctantly. She took a step closer to Mrs. Newton.
"You need to remind me to get you that recommendation letter," Mrs. Newton admonished. "I can't believe I still haven't done it. Did you already submit your applications?"
Bella bit her lip. "No. I haven't."
Mrs. Newton looked up, peering at her over the rim of her stylish black glasses. She set down her pen. "Well, Bella, I'm surprised. When you first began here, you were so enthusiastic about getting out of Forks. You had a plan and you were so focused. What changed?"
Bella had to look away from Mrs. Newton's intense, worried gaze. She had only been in Forks for what, six weeks? And now everything was different.
In the course of falling for Edward, she lost herself. She discarded all of her plans, and for what – to date him? She loved him, of course, but she had her own life to live.
She barely went to school anymore, and she had never skipped classes prior to this year. Bella busted her ass for three years in Phoenix to make sure her grades would qualify her for an Ivy League education, and in six weeks she had thrown it all away.
She couldn't wait around for the other shoe to drop, for Edward to realize he was going to be a father and had no time for her anymore.
"Bella, are you all right?" Mrs. Newton asked gently. She reached out and touched Bella's hand. "I didn't mean to upset you. I know you mentioned money was an issue… I could help you with the financial aid forms. I already did Mike's."
Bella nodded and tried to hide the look of horror that must have been so obvious on her face. "Thanks, um, I'd appreciate it. I didn't get to finish inventorying the ski boots in the back, and I know Mr. Newton wanted me to get that done…"
"Sure," Mrs. Newton responded softly. "Go ahead, Sweetheart."
Bella left the floor in a hurry, eager to be away from Mrs. Newton and her prying questions. She had really disarmed her, and now Bella was filled with trepidation.
Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe this was the universe's way of pushing her away from Edward because they actually weren't meant to be together.
She sat down on the floor of the stockroom, surrounded by different brands and sizes of ski boots. Unable to concentrate on the task at hand, her mind drifted back to her conversation with Mrs. Newton.
The last thing in the world that Bella wanted was to end up like her mother. She loved Renee, she really did, but she refused to live her life dependent on a man. For as long as she could remember, the one constant with Renee was a skeevy boyfriend. Bella had been so relieved when she hooked up with Phil, because he actually seemed like a decent guy.
To combat her mother's helplessness, Bella strove to be fiercely independent. She acquired a job as soon as she was old enough to work and made sure to keep her bank account safely padded.
The next step in her quest to build a stable life for herself was college, followed by graduate school. All of her free time was devoted to either working for better grades or working for the cash needed to put her through school.
In the short time since she arrived in Forks, she had blown through her savings and let her grades slip. Bella felt her heart rate speed up and she suddenly couldn't breathe fast enough.
"Jesus," she whispered, putting a hand over her heart. Was she having an actual panic attack?
Bella stood up and paced back and forth in the small stockroom. What was she doing? What was keeping her in Forks?
She had fallen in love with Edward once before and it shattered her. There was no guarantee that it wouldn't happen again…in fact, given the current circumstances, it probably would.
Bella inhaled deeply, trying to calm her racing heart. When it came right down to it, she was doing exactly what Renee did – exactly what she watched her mother do time and again, that which Bella swore she would never do to herself.
She was throwing away her life and her dreams for a guy. Her grades and acceptance into a good school would shape the rest of her life. Maybe she and Edward would survive, after all, and that would be amazing. But if they didn't, Bella would need to stand on her own again. She couldn't let her entire life fall to pieces like the last time Edward left her, and that meant getting back on track.
Bella sat down on the floor again. Her eyes stung with tears and the boxes of boots stacked up around her blurred. She loved Edward. She loved him so much, but his life had already branched off from hers. Time was already running out for them.
Who was she kidding? She couldn't watch him raise Jessica's child. The jealousy would eat away at her, until there was nothing left between them.
Bella let herself cry until the tears were gone. There, in the back room of Newton's Outfitters, Edward Cullen broke her heart all over again.
Edward was waiting outside for her at nine o'clock on the dot.
Bella stood with Mrs. Newton as she locked the door. After Mrs. Newton wished her a good night, Bella steeled her nerves and got into Edward's car.
"Hey," he smiled, leaning over to kiss her. "How was work?"
Bella waved goodbye to Mrs. Newton and buckled her seatbelt before answering. "The usual."
"Was Newton hitting on you the entire night?" Edward asked dryly.
She forced a laugh. "No. He wasn't even there."
"Well, you missed a lot at the house. My Mom and Alice decided it was time to start decorating for Christmas. They made me pull down all the lights and decorations, and all of that other crap."
"It's not even Thanksgiving," Bella argued, now smiling in earnest. Esme would be the first in town with Christmas decorations up.
Edward shrugged. "Mom's big on the holidays."
"So, I thought you were going to start job hunting tonight," Bella said vaguely, fishing for information.
"Ah, yes," Edward sighed. "I scoured the Pennysaver for about two hours and then my Dad told me he pulled some strings and scored me a job at the hospital."
"Doing what?"
"Some filing and clerical stuff but mostly light janitorial duties," Edward quoted. "Sounds like it'll suck, but it's something for now, and he said they're pretty desperate for help. That means a lot of hours."
"That's good," Bella told him, trying to inject some feeling into her flat voice. It didn't work.
"What's wrong? You seem a little off. Are you still upset about the baby shower?" Edward inquired. He kept glancing over at her. "I called Jessica about that."
Bella paused. "And?"
"She said she was sorry," Edward admitted. "I'm still kind of in shock about it. She said to apologize to you, too."
"Well, did she say why she did it?" Bella asked, frowning.
"Not really," he replied. Edward turned into the driveway. "She said she's been really emotional and keeps doing stuff without thinking. I asked her to try and turn it down, because it's kind of hard on everyone."
For some reason, that made Bella feel ten times worse. Once again, she put herself in Jessica's shoes. She remembered how terrifying and exhilarating it was to discover she was pregnant. Of course, when she found out, Edward had already kicked her out of his life. That made the pregnancy, brief though it was, even more bittersweet. Jessica was probably going through a lot of the same emotions.
"Wait!" Bella blurted out. Edward's hand stilled on the key, still in the ignition. "Before we go inside, can we just talk for a minute?"
He sat back in his seat and let the car idle. "Of course."
Bella's hands were cold and sweaty. She twisted them together anxiously and swallowed the big lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. "Well. You're going to be busy pretty soon, working all of those hours."
"Yeah," he said slowly. "We'll still see each other, though. You have off every Tuesday and Thursday, so I made sure to ask for those days to be my days off, if possible."
"You did?" Bella asked tearfully, looking at him.
"Of course I did," Edward frowned. He shifted his body so he was facing her and reached over to push her hair away from her face. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"I just – I think we should, maybe, take a break," she stammered. She didn't even feel the tears coursing down her cheeks. Every cell in her body screamed for her to stop, to just shut up, but it was like she was in a car without brakes. "I think we should break up."
"You think we should break up?" he repeated. Edward sat back and shook his head. "No. What? Why?"
Bella covered her face for a second and tried to regain some of her composure. The way Edward was staring at her made her feel so stupid. "It's just too much. I need to focus on school and graduating."
"On school and graduating?" Edward said incredulously. "Bella, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I mean, we talked about this. You said you were okay with it, that you were going to stay by me through this."
"I thought I could," Bella whispered, wiping her eyes. "But it's too much. I wish I could hate Jessica because I think that would make it easier, but I can't. I feel terrible for her. I think – I think you should help her."
Edward grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "Forget about Jessica. I'll take care of her, I promise. But you're the most important thing to me."
"I shouldn't be!" she wailed. "The baby, and Jessica. They're the most important."
"I know they're important," Edward replied in a frustrated voice. "But you're it for me. I love you. I want to marry you!"
"Stop it," Bella snapped. "We're seventeen. We're not getting married."
He was quiet for a few moments and all she could hear was his heavy breathing. Finally, Edward reached for the key and turned the car off.
"Don't do this," he said softly. "Please."
Bella shook her head, but couldn't speak. She felt his eyes on her but she stared straight ahead, refusing to look at him.
"Fine. We'll take a break, if that's what you really want. But nothing is going to change," Edward warned her. "You're staying here. I'm driving you to work and picking you up. We'll be together just as much as we are now."
"Things will change, Edward," Bella whispered. "In seven weeks you're going to become a father. How can that not change things?"
Edward leaned his head back against the headrest and sighed. "Because I won't suddenly stop loving you. And you won't stop loving me, either. It doesn't work like that."
"I have to take care of myself," she said quietly. "You probably don't get it. But I need…I don't really know what I need. But I need to make some changes."
"This is a mistake," Edward said throatily.
"Maybe. But it wouldn't be our first, and we survived all of them," Bella muttered. She reached for the door handle but Edward grabbed her hand.
"Wait," he commanded. "You're telling my mom."
Bella felt her cheeks heat at the idea. There was no way she could tell Esme she broke up with Edward; it would be like spitting in her face. "No."
"I'm not," Edward shrugged. "Are you just going to let her think that we're still together?"
"Emmett said I could stay there if I needed to," Bella said in a tiny voice. "So I guess we'll have to tell her eventually. I mean, when I move out – "
Edward let out a short laugh. "Over my dead body."
"Excuse me?" Bella bristled, irritation taking the place of her sadness.
"You heard me before. Nothing is changing," he repeated, his voice rising.
"Fine. You can pretend like nothing has changed," Bella said tightly. "But don't play with me, Edward. I need time to get everything straight in my head. Don't come to my bedroom."
"Fine," Edward hissed, his eyes sparking with anger. "Your bedroom is off limits but the rest of the house is mine, and it's fair game. And I'm warning you, Bella. I want you and I'll fight dirty to keep you if I have to."
Bella forced herself to look away from him. His words, meant to threaten, excited her instead. She quickly fled from the car, relieved to escape his scrutiny.
She needed to take care of herself before anything else. She learned that a long time ago. If that meant staying away from Edward, well, that's what she was going to have to do. He was too much temptation to be around, and she didn't have much willpower around him in general.
Bella would simply have to avoid him. Stay far away from him and ignore the desire he ignited in her.
This was one fight that he wouldn't win.
dammit, mrs. newton! cockblocker.
