Calvin trudged into camp one morning, feeling very tired. He had stayed up late the last night to watch some drama on TV. He wasn't sure what had happened in it, as you sort of needed to watch all the episodes of the series for it to really make sense...and even then it was confusing!
With heavy eyes and questions swarming in his head, Calvin managed to pull himself up onto a chair with Hobbes. "I told you to go to bed earlier," nagged the tiger.
"Not even my sugar-coated breakfast can wake me up!" groaned Calvin. "And that series is still bugging me! Will they ever get off the island?"
Eddy walked by. "Not if Gilligan has anything to do with it!"
"No...it wasn't THAT show...it was..." unable to stay awake, Calvin's head drooped forward onto the table, and he fell fast asleep.
"He's kind of cute when he's not talking," remarked Hobbes.
"Get a room!" shouted Eddy, walking off.
"I was being sarcastic!" Hobbes followed Eddy out of the room.
"I learned years ago sarcasm didn't work on him..." sighed Double D.
Ed stayed behind to watch Calvin. "Dream sequence!"
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Indeed, Calvin began to dream. He suddenly opened his eyes to find himself sitting on a beach near a tropical jungle. The ocean was nearby and the sun was setting. All around him were the kids from camp, all looking very worried. "What happened?" cried Calvin.
"We just had a plane crash," Hobbes motioned to the flaming wreck of a plane a few feet away. "We're on an uncharted island."
Calvin got to his feet. "That's weird, I don't remember being on a plane. Who's the pilot?"
Hobbes pointed to Johnny and Plank, who were standing near them. Johnny was wearing a pilot's uniform and was yelling at Plank, who wore a little pair of plastic wings. "You were supposed to wake me if I fell asleep!"
"Uh," said Calvin, "is everyone okay?"
Hobbes nodded. "Yes, I think so."
Suddenly, a giant smog cloud rolled out of the jungle. Forming into a smoggy hand, it reached out, grabbed Johnny, and retreated into the grove of trees.
"...except for the pilot," winced Hobbes.
"Johnny!" cried Sally.
"Save the pilot!" shouted Ed. He and most of the kids chased the smog into the jungle.
Charlie Brown and Linus stood elsewhere, looking into the sky at the edge of the beach. "I wonder why we're here..." mused Charlie Brown.
"Perhaps we all did something bad to get here..." suggested Linus.
Charlie Brown suddenly flashed back to a moment he had blocked off in his mind...
He had been running at Lucy, trying to kick the football. Woops! Lucy pulled it away. Charlie Brown flew through the air and landed with a sickening THUD. Lucy walked over to him, but before she could say an innocent once-liner, he grabbed a nearby tree branch and...
With a gasp, Charlie Brown snapped out of it and turned back to Linus. "I don't know what you're talking about."
The kids who had gone into the jungle sadly returned. "We couldn't find Johnny..." announced Nazz.
Sally nodded. "We were too afraid to go very far!"
Lucy took charge. "Everyone! Let's all get to work on building bamboo huts and figuring out all the foods we can make out of coconuts! We don't have time to worry about the missing pilot!"
Obeying Lucy, everyone got to work.
Sarah immediately chose a fight with Calvin. "Watch it, Calvin! I saw that bamboo first!"
"You don't own the bamboo!" Calvin shot back.
"Oh yeah?!"
They were about to go at it when Schroder broke them up. "Stop it! We can't focus on fighting now! We have to survive!"
Jason stepped out from behind a tree. "Here, Sarah," he said soothingly. "I made you some coconut milk."
Sarah snatched the drink. "Thanks."
"Come with us," Marcus said in a low voice. "We have lots more coconut creations to try..."
"Over 1,000, to be exact," grinned Jason. The three disappeared in the crowd.
Hobbes was suspicious. "They sure do have a lot of food, seeing as we crashed five minutes ago."
Schroder nudged Calvin. "I don't remember them on the plane..."
Suddenly, the smog returned from the jungle. Everyone backed up, scared of what it was planning on doing next.
Ed gasped and pointed. "It is the Smog Monster from...from..."
"Attack of the Smog Monster?" guessed Calvin, coming up with a random movie title.
"No," said Ed, "I think it was The Smog Monster Attacks."
To everyone's surprise, the smog began to take the form of a shape...no, wait, three shapes. Three terrifying shapes that the kids from camp all knew very well. Although each figure was made completely out of smog, the shapes were already infamous to the kids.
"Smog Kankers?!" cried Eddy.
"New guys on the island, huh?" hissed the Smog Marie in an echoey version of her normal voice.
"The bald kid wasn't that great," said the Smog Lee, "but these guys look a little better!"
"Let's kiss 'em!" cried the Smog May.
"Drop the bamboo and RUN!!!" shouted Lucy.
Bolting off, the kids all hid behind one tree as the Smog Kankers approached. The Smog Marie looked around. "Where'd they go?!"
Calvin peeked out. The island looked so beautiful at sunset, if one ignored the fact that they were all stranded and about to be killed by Smog Kankers.
"Check the tree!" suggested the Smog May, pointing at the kids' hiding place.
"They wouldn't be stupid enough to hide behind a tree!" said the Smog Lee.
"Let's go to the jungle!" Laughing, the Smog Kankers flew off.
Lucy stepped out from her hiding place and acted as if nothing had happened. "Well, back to work!"
"We can't get back to work!" cried Calvin. "What if the Smog Kankers come back?"
"And what if they don't?" argued Lucy. "We could be here a while."
Snoopy grinned suggestively. "Will we have to re-start civilization?" he asked, nuzzling up against Lucy.
Everyone stared in shock at the beagle. "YOU TALKED!"
"Hmm?" Snoopy looked up innocently. "So I did. Pity I have nothing to say."
"Apparently, this island gives some of us powers," said Linus. "Very interesting indeed. Although I still think we all did something bad to get us here..."
It was then that Snoopy had his own flashback. He had crashed his Flying Ace plane and didn't know what was going to happen to him. He grabbed his only comrade, Woodstock, and thought to himself, "Sorry, partner. We all have to make sacrifices." With that, he opened his mouth and...
Snoopy snapped out of it. "You're delusional! There must be another reason! Now, if you'll excuse me, this talking dog is hungry. I believe it's almost SUPPERTIME!"
With that, Snoopy burst into song:
It's suppertime!
Yeah, it's suppertime!
Oh, it's sup-sup suppertime very best time of day
As Snoopy continued to sing, Calvin headed off into the jungle, followed by Hobbes. "Snoopy singing isn't so weird," grumbled Calvin. "I've had a talking tiger since forever, and no one ever freaked out about that!"
"What are you doing?" whispered Hobbes. "We can't go in there! The Smog Kankers are in there! Besides, the sun's set! You'll get lost!"
"I wanna see what's going on here!" insisted Calvin. "There's more to this island than meets the eye!"
"Well, DUH! We were attacked by Smog Kankers!"
Calvin nodded and walked deeper into the grove. "That's what I'm saying! We have to solve these mysteries! Who are the Smog Kankers? Where are we? What happened to Johnny?"
"And why haven't YOU sampled our coconut milk?" said a voice. Calvin whirled around to see that Jason and Marcus had been waiting for him, hiding in a tree.
Jason climbed down and held out a glass of milk. "We made smoooooooothies..."
Calvin backed away, disturbed at how creepy the two boys were acting. "You guys weren't on the plane, were you?"
Jason inched towards him. "Talk is cheap. Drinking is priceless."
Suddenly, a huge brown bear jumped out and roared at Jason and Marcus, scaring them away. "Jerks," muttered the bear. He turned to Calvin and Hobbes. "Welcome to the island, runts!"
"Who are you?" gaped Calvin.
"I'm The Bear! 'The,' by the way, is part of my name. SO DON'T FORGET IT!"
Calvin hesitantly took a step forward. "Well, thanks...The Bear. Are you a native?"
"More or less," shrugged The Bear. "Ya know, kid, I'd be pretty darn proud if I were you. You got a gift."
"The gift of a shrill, annoying voice?" grumbled Hobbes.
"That," nodded The Bear, "and he's got powers! I can sense 'em."
Calvin's eyes widened. "Powers? What powers?" he cried eagerly. Then, he narrowed his eyes. "Wait, I could have been able to tell if I had powers!"
"Oh really?" growled The Bear. "Pick up that branch over there."
Calvin started to walk to it, until The Bear roared, "MOVE AND I MAUL YOU! I meant pick it up with your brain."
"Since when does he have one of those?" laughed Hobbes.
Ignoring his tiger, Calvin concentrated hard. The branch rose to his surprise, and then flew at him, continuously smacking him in the head. "My powers are working against me!"
The Bear was amused. "You just ain't used to them. The island is bringing them out. I'm a professional trainer, though. I can train anyone to do anything! And I think I'll train you to do all there is to do with your mind!"
Calvin was reluctant. "This better not be like school."
The Bear smiled, showing all his teeth. "I bet schools don't have TRAINING MONTAGES! Let's get started!"
At that moment, They heard another roar in the distance. The Bear looked up. "Uh-oh. Here comes The Bear."
"I thought YOU were The Bear," said Hobbes.
"I'm The Brown Bear. This is The Polar Bear. And he don't like people much. Or tigers. Heck, he hates tigers more than humans!"
The Polar Bear thundered out of the trees, bounding at Calvin and Hobbes.
"I'd suggest you run," said The Brown Bear.
Calvin and Hobbes make a mad dash through the jungle, followed by the Polar Bear, who briefly turned back to the Brown Bear. "Hey, man, gimme some love."
Watching The Polar Bear resume his chase into the woods, The Brown Bear sadly sat down. "I never get to do a training montage..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Back on the moonlit beach, Kevin paced back and fourth with Lucy by a tent. "I sent Ed and Eddy into the jungle to look for Calvin and Hobbes," Lucy told someone in the tent.
"I don't get it!" complained Kevin. "Why do we want those dorks, anyway, commander?"
A chair in the tent whirled around to reveal Snoopy. "Because I say no man gets left behind! It's not so much Calvin I need...it's Hobbes. That tiger is one of my best friends."
"He's best friends with a stuffed animal?" Kevin murmured to Lucy. "This guy lives a sad life..."
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Eddy walked through the jungle with Ed, looking for Calvin and Hobbes. "What an idiot! He's not safe out here with those Smog Kankers! What kind of moron just walks off into the jungle?"
"I miss Calvin, Eddy!" cried Ed.
Eddy scanned the trees, but saw nothing. "I don't see him or the tiger. I say we go back to camp, get yelled at by Snoopy (never thought I'd say that) and forget this whole thing!"
As he headed back, Eddy stumbled onto something. It was the door to a hatch, which certainly seemed out of place. "Hey! What jerk left this hatch door around in the jungle so I could trip over it?"
"What if Calvin and Hobbes got locked in?" wondered Ed.
Eddy slapped his forehead. "Aw, geez! I can't leave them in there! Hobbes will probably eat Calvin! Wait, that's really funny. Let's go, Ed."
Ed had an idea. "No! We will get dynamite and blast him out! Just like in The Rolling Fudgemen! I will not fail, Calvin! NUMBERS ARE BAD!" Ed bounded off for supplies.
"Dy-no-mite..." muttered Eddy.
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Calvin and Hobbes were hiding under a log from The Polar Bear deeper in the jungle. "Well," shivered Calvin, "at least we get to get really dirty. Wherever we are, that's a plus."
"I'll check to see if The Polar Bear's gone," said Hobbes. He peeked out and then turned to Calvin. "I have good news and bad news. The Polar Bear's gone..."
Suddenly, smog seeped into their hiding place and Calvin and Hobbes found themselves pulled out and dangled high above the ground. "...but some other friends came to play."
The smog once again took shape of the Kankers, who had combined their lower bodies into one big cloud, which held onto the boy and his tiger. From inside the smog, Calvin could see Johnny still floating around. "Help me, guys!"
The Marie portion of the smog pointed to Calvin. "How old are you, kid?"
"Currently six."
"And you?" the Smog Lee asked Hobbes.
"A tiger never reveals his age."
"Aww," complained the Smog May, "six is too young and I don't wanna kiss a tiger!"
"Why don't you want to kiss me?" Hobbes was suddenly offended. "The Smog is prejudice!"
"I'm going to try to reason with them," said Calvin. "I'll be sure to speak slowly and keep the sentences short," he turned to the Smog Kankers. "Where...are...we?"
"Your worst nightmare!" chorused the Smog.
"Literally!" added the Smog Marie.
"Figures," sighed Calvin.
Suddenly, before they could strike, the Smog Kankers were vacuumed down a pipe.
"We're saved!" cheered Calvin. Unfortunaltly, they weren't happy for long. With no one holding them, they fell and landed in a cage, which immediately shut. Three shadowy figures (who were not the Smog Kankers) began to wheel them away.
"Something tells me we were better of with the Smog," muttered Hobbes.
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Snoopy relaxed under the moonlight back on the beach, contemplating to himself. "I have the ability to speak, I'm the new commander, and Round-Headed Kid's feeding me every hour on the hour!"
"Snoopy," said Charlie Brown, approaching with his supper dish, "my name is really..."
"Away with you! This beagle must think. I have everything any quadruped would want...but I'm not happy. What am I missing?"
Lucy sat nearby with Linus, listening in on the dog. "I always knew Snoopy was crazy. Now we get to hear it."
"I still think we all did something bad to get here," insisted Linus.
Lucy leaned on Schroder's piano, attempting to flirt with him as she always did. He simply tipped her off, like every day. But this time was different. She grabbed the Beethoven statue, raised it over Schroder and...
"The only person crazier than Snoopy is you!" cried Lucy. "Case closed."
Linus got up and walked off into the jungle. "I think I should help Ed and Eddy..."
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Calvin woke up to find himself strapped down in a laboratory. Sunlight poured through some small windows above him, which meant that it must be morning.
A dark figure rose over him. A blue-haired boy in a lab coat. "Rolf welcomes you. He can tell that you are a special one..."
"Thanks for noticing, I think."
"We are The Others," Rolf introduced himself as Jason and Marcus approached Calvin.
"We could have drugged you and done this the easy way, you know," shrugged Marcus, holding up a coconut.
"I knew it!" cried Calvin, struggling on the lab table. "I knew you two couldn't be trusted!"
"That's pretty obvious," grinned Jason. "I mean, who offers coconut milk to people, anyway?"
"Ah, but you are not the only one on this island with powers, Calvin..." Rolf motioned to Plank, who was strapped down next to Calvin.
"Plank!" gasped Calvin. "I should have known. Listen, you Others, I have questions about this island! First, where did the Bears come from?"
"We kept them in cages and performed experiments until they escaped," explained Marcus.
"Really?" Calvin was disappointed. "That's kind of anticlimactic."
"There's also The Black Bear, who doesn't really do much," Jason motioned to a black bear is sitting in the corner.
"Da," grumbled the bear in a thick Russian accent.
Calvin seemed to accept this. "Okay, and who are the Smog Kankers?"
"We kept them in cages too," said Marcus.
"Didn't take them long to figure out they could get through bars," grumbled Jason.
"That makes sense," said Calvin, "sort of. And what are you going to do with me?"
"We...we..." Rolf tried to remember why they wanted Calvin in the first place. "This is embarrassing."
At that moment, the Smog Kankers flew in through the window. "Try putting us in cages again, will ya?" growled the Smog Lee.
Rolf stared in confusion at Jason and Marcus. "You two put them BACK in their cages?!"
"We were kinda hoping they'd forgotten how to escape," shrugged Jason. The Others backed up against the wall as the Smog Kankers flew around, trashing the lab.
Calvin was still struggling. If he didn't escape, either the Smog Kankers or the Others would get him! "I have to use my powers, but I don't know how! Just concentrate..."
Thinking hard, Calvin managed to become unstrapped, grabbed Plank, and ran for it. "Let's go, Plank!"
The Others and the Smog Kankers noticed him escaping chased him. Calvin used his powers to form bars over the doorway to block their path. He found out he was in a strange shack-like building.
Running down the hall, Calvin found three cages dangling from the ceiling. The first one held Hobbes labeled "Tiger Species Unknown---Needs Further Study," the next one helds Johnny and read "Possible Smog Baby," and the third held Sarah and read "Wild Animal."
"Don't forget about us!" called Hobbes.
"They think I came out of those smoggy things!" cried Johnny. "You know I'm normal!"
"Well," said Calvin, "some could argue with that." He let Johnny and Plank out but paused at Sarah's cage "'Wild Animal,'" he read the label. "I love it."
Sarah rattled the bars. "Let me out!"
"You know," Calvin grinned slyly. "I'm really not sure. You've caused a lot of trouble for me and my friends before, so now..."
Sarah's cage opened by itself. Gulping, Calvin turned to Plank. "You did that, didn't you?"
Sarah chased Calvin when the Others and the Smog Kankers arrived. "No time to hurt me now!" Calvin called to his female attacker.
Calvin, Hobbes, Sarah, Johnny, and Plank took off running again, but fell under rotting floorboards down to the basement. The Others and the Smog Kankers peered down at them. In the basement sat a large spaceship.
"Oh, look," Jason said calmly. "It's our escape ship."
Rolf glared at him. "WHAT escape ship?"
"We couldn't figure out the right way to tell you..." Marcus smiled sheepishly.
"We had to leave!" exclaimed Jason. "There's no Internet on this island!"
Without hesitation, Calvin, Hobbes, Johnny, Plank, and Sarah piled into the ship.
"I have no idea what I'm doing, and I DON'T CARE!" Taking controls, Calvin burst through the lab ceiling and flew across the island.
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Meanwhile, Ed, Eddy and Linus were investigating the hatch. "Do we really need so much dynamite?" asked Linus.
Eddy knocked on the hatch. "Hey, this thing looks pretty solid. Okay, Ed. Go as far as the wires will take you and then blast this thing!"
"Roger! Oops. I mean, Eddy!" Ed lumbered off.
"Those are pretty long wires," remarked Linus, looking at the dynamite.
"We don't wanna be anywhere near this when it blows!" said Eddy.
Linus opened the hatch. "Or, it could be unlocked."
"Or that," grumbled Eddy. He and Linus climbed the ladder down to find themselves in a dark room with odd-looking equitment.
"Calvin! Hobbes!" called Eddy. "You in here?"
"Apparently not," Linus looked around. "But what an interesting place! I wonder why it's here. I still think..."
"Blah, blah. You think we all did something bad. Well, if that's true, did YOU ever do anything bad?"
Linus was relaxing with his blanket one lazy summer day when Snoopy ran out of nowhere, grabbed it in his jaws, and swung Linus around. With a growl, Linus grabbed the beagle's neck.
"Listen, you mutt!" he hissed. "I've put up with your little games for too long. You're about to see what I can do with my bare hands!"
"I suppose you're right," Linus came back to reality. "My idea is silly. I wonder what this does..."
Linus pressed a button. A TV screen lit up to reveal Double D and Susie in lab coats on black and white video. The date was at the bottom of the screen, 1972.
"Hello," said Susie, "I am Professor Derkins and this is my associate, Double D."
"We are here to explain the purpose of the hatch," said Double D, "but instead, we may only confuse you more with odd plot twists and red herrings."
"Boring!" Eddy started to climb the ladder. "Let's get outta here."
"Okay, Eddy," called Ed from outside, "I'm ready to blast!"
"Wait!" Eddy scrambled up the ladder faster. "Don't! We're still in here!"
BOOM! Linus, Eddy, and Ed were blown into the air by the explosion.
"That dynamite WAS powerful!" gasped Linus. "Ed was on the other side of the island, and he was blown, too!"
Double D and Susie flew next to them in midair. "It blew us out from the 70's!" cried Susie.
"Pray tell," said Double D, "who is the current president?"
Soaring across the island, they all landed on the spaceship, which was ready to take off. Calvin turned to them. "Good! Everyone's here!" He helped Susie, Linus and the Eds inside.
Snoopy suddenly tackled Calvin out of nowhere. "Nooo! We can't leave the island! I have the gift of speech here!"
"What are you talking about?" cried Lucy. "This whole time, you've been complaining that you had nothing to say!"
"Ah, but that was before I found the perfect person to say things to!" Snoopy embraced Marcie. "Once we leave, how can I whisper sweet nothings into her ear? I'll do everything caninely possible to sabotage this escape!"
Marcie looked Snoopy in the eyes. "Flying Ace, we need to leave! I want to see my home again!"
"Fine..." sighed Snoopy. "I suppose if it was for the good of my common campers and my future bride..."
Marcie blinked. "Future what?"
"...then we can go."
Everyone cheered.
"Besides," added Snoopy, "we dogs are great at romancing nonverbally! I was given this long tongue for a reason, you know!"
Calvin blasted the ship off just as Jason, Marcus, and Rolf arrived. Rolf dropped to his knees and screeched with rage. "Curse you, Calvin and Plank!"
"Well," Jason started to head off, "I guess we'll have to build another ship."
"In the meantime," Marcus joined him, "let's get back to what we were doing before they crashed."
"What was that, again?" wondered Jason.
"Rolf doesn't even care anymore."
The Smog Kankers and The Polar Bear suddenly burst out from the woods.
"Well, I'm pretty sure we were dodging them!" yelled Jason. "RUN!"
"Let's kiss 'em!" suggested the Smog May.
The Smog Marie nodded. "It's the good life, girls!"
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Calvin finally got to relax as he piloted the ship home. "Well," Hobbes lounged next to him, "I guess this answers your LOST questions."
"Huh?"
"You know, LOST," Hobbes was getting no reaction from Calvin. "That show you were confused about?"
"Oh that," said Calvin. "I wasn't watching LOST, I was watching Survivor!"
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Back at camp, in real life, Calvin was still fast asleep. Moe spied him and got ready to attack. "Pounding a sleeping wimp. Doesn't get any better than that..."
Suddenly, Calvin sat up. "WOW! WHAT A DREAM!"
This startled Moe. The bully backed up, tripped over a chair, and fell over unconscious.
"What's his problem?" asked Calvin.
Hobbes walked over. "I don't know. Maybe he didn't get enough sleep."
"Well, I sure did! And I had the greatest dream! But the best uncharted islands are the kinds you find at your own summer camp, preferably indoors! Let's start looking, Hobbes!"
It's been a while since we've seen The Bear. I think his only other two appearences were in "Hobbes of the Wild" and the Hercules parody. He's actually the creation of Sam of Shadowdale, not mine. He was also supposed to appear in "The Brave Little Tiger" in the forest scene, but I don't think that story is ever going to happen.
I broke a few "rules" in this story, such as a talking Snoopy and the Smog Kankers being able to "see" Hobbes, but the fact it was all a dream cancels that out, I hope.
