"Demi, I'm getting ready to leave for classes… I'll be back around 12:30-1:00. I'm gonna catch the bus to go shopping after my prelaw class. Do you want anything specific?" Selena sits down on the edge of my bed and rubs my back. I'm not asleep, so it's not like she woke me up or anything. I didn't sleep last night at all after I woke up from my nightmare. "I'm just gonna go to the Walmart."

"…My keys are next to my purse in the living room, if you want to take my car shopping. So you don't have to drag groceries on the bus. I don't care if you take it." I mumble into my pillow. "I just want cookie dough PopTarts and a few packages of ground meat to make spaghetti, hamburgers and tacos. Whatever else you want, I don't care. Can you get tampons and shampoo with food stamps?"

She chuckles. "No, you can only get food with food stamps." She pats my back some more. "But I have a few bucks on my card if we need hygiene things."

"Take my card in my wallet. It's the orange one. I have money on there. Grab whatever toiletries we need. I'm just gonna rest up or something." I sigh. I trust Selena enough to allow her to use my money and my car. I don't trust many people that much. She's practically the only one.

"Okay, thank you." She gets up. "Oh, the mail is on the counter in the kitchen. There's a couple financial aid things in there for you." I hear her stomping her feet into her shoes. "I'll be back later. Feel better, okay? Whenever I get back, I want to see you out of bed in clothes, studying or something. Now; let me see your smile."

I flash her a fake smile. "I promise I'll be up and about when you get home."

"Okay. See you later." She grabs my car keys off the table and shuts the door behind her. Since I'm up, I might as well do some housework. If I don't get up now, I probably won't get up at all. I pull my covers back off my bed and get up. Maybe I'm biased, but I think Selena and I have a very nice apartment. My parents wouldn't let me live in the regular dorms, because those have community bathrooms and my mom was convinced I would catch something. So they paid the extra $3,000 for me to live in one of the on-campus apartments. It's nice and big enough for two, though we do share a room. We have everything we need though, a bathroom, a kitchen, washer, dryer and one bedroom. The bedroom is big enough to comfortably fit two full-sized beds, so sharing a room with Selena doesn't really suck that bad.

I lock the door behind Selena and make some dishwater. We have a dishwasher, but I don't exactly know how to use it, so I just do the dishes by hand. I squirt some of the lemon-scented dish detergent in the water and wait for it to bubble up. I'll wash our towels and sheet sets when I'm done with the dishes, just to seem productive.

I grab the dirty pot Selena made macaroni and cheese in last night and wash it. Aside from the pot, we only have a couple forks and cups dirty. I wash and rinse all the dirty dishes and hang them on the dish rack to dry. I really need to fill out these financial aid forms. I don't really need financial aid, but I know that I should take at least a little bit of the burden off my parents with the money, so I let the financial aid pay a quarter of my tuition.

I dry my hands on the dish towel and grab the pile of mail Selena left on the counter. I lean against the counter and sort through it. Financial aid form for Selena, financial aid form for me. Credit card offer for Selena, letter from my Psych professor. Something sealed in a dirty looking, cream colored envelope for me, more financial aid forms. I roll my eyes and tap the Sirius radio button to "on." I take my mail and sit at the kitchen table. I grab a pen to fill things out.

I tear open the first financial aid form and start filling it out. "We live in ciiities you'll never see on screens. Not very pretty but we sure know how to run things. Living in ruuuuins of the palace within my dreams. And you know we're on each other's team. I'm kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air. So there. I'm kinda older than I was when I reveled without a care. So there." I stop singing and tap my pen against my paper. I'm already tired of filling out this paperwork.

I grab the letter from my professor and tear it open. I skim through it and read the important parts aloud. "Missing three assignments…. Want me to turn them in…. smart kid… a lot of potential… whatever." I crumble it up and toss it to the side. I grab the dirty envelope and don't bother looking at the sender. I open it up. It's probably some delayed Christmas card from my other sister that I don't even know that well.

I pull out the contents of it. Not a Christmas card. It's crinkled up, dirty lined paper. I open it up to look over it. When I open it up a tiny, blue wooden sculpture and a dead, awkwardly shaped leaf falls out. He wrote me back. I knew he would. A smile spreads across my face and I start reading the letter.

To the love of my life,

Hey beautiful, I really miss you.

First of all, I got all of your letters. I've read every single one of them, and I sleep with all of them under my pillow at night. Yes, I got the picture of you. I sleep, fight and breathe with it in the breast pocket of my uniform. I want you close to my heart.

Most importantly, I'm mad at you. You lied to me, baby. You told me you'd be okay without me. What's this about you not eating or sleeping? You promised me you'd be okay, Demi. I trusted you. I'm fine over here. Please eat something. I'm begging you. Go to sleep. I'm not begging you, I'm telling you. I'm so disappointed in you. Why are you questioning whether or not I love you? I love you with every bone in my body, Demi. Don't EVER question me on that.

Anyway, my Christmas was good. I didn't have to go out and fight on Christmas. Instead, my group stayed back on base and ate a good dinner. They're treating me okay over here, baby. I'm eating, sleeping and showering. I'm fine. I want you to be fine too. Yesterday night, the men in my group sat down and watched one of those stupid Twilight movies. It was the only thing on the one channel we get. I don't know if you've ever seen the Twilight movies, but in case you haven't, I heard a quote during the end that reminded me of you. Somewhere in the credits, I heard in the song "I loved you for a thousand years and I'll love you for a thousand more." I want you to remember that, because that's exactly how I feel about you.

It's nice to hear that you had a beautiful Christmas with your family, though. What color Vans did your mom get you? I love how you have a pair to match every outfit; it's one of my favorite things about you. I love how you're always so color coordinated. I love the way you dress. Can I tell you a secret? At night, I rub my pillow like I used to rub your hair. It makes me fall asleep.

If everything goes as planned, I'll be home by May, June at the latest. My commander already signed off on my retirement, so when I'm home, I'm most definitely home for good. I know it's only February, and May/June is a long time away, but I still plan on marrying you when I get home. Are you doing okay in school?

Oh, enclosed in the letter is a "citrakdra." (The little wooden donkey) During one of my rotations, I met this twelve year old little girl named Afsana. She was the cutest little thing. She showed me how to make one, and I thought I'd give it to you. The leaf is from an olive tree. In their culture, olive leaves are considered a mark of beauty. You're beautiful, so I decided to send you one.

I love you, baby girl. I love you more than I love myself. Please be okay without me.

And Skype me when you get a free moment, any time after 3:00 a.m. your time. I'll be free. My email is adamjosesphj, at gmail. You should be able to find me from there. I love you so much.

من تو را دوست دارم، من به زودی خواهید ارسال

(I love you, I'll write soon)

-Joe

I smile and refold the letter. I look at the wooden donkey he enclosed in it. It's painted light blue with white detail lines. I think it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I stroke it and think about how long it probably took him to make it. I love him to death. I'm so glad to know that he's okay. I'm going to Skype him later. I can't wait to see him.

With a heavy weight lifted off my chest, I put the letter back into the envelope and put it inside the napkin holder on the table. I take the dead leaf and the wooden donkey and put it in the room, on my nightstand. Just hearing from him gave me the burst of energy and hope that I needed to make it through today.

I can sleep better tonight, knowing that he's alright. I go into my room and sit down in front of my study desk. I open up my laptop and go to Google. I know I only dreamt of this, but I really wonder if it exists. I won't tell Joe about my dream, because I don't want him to know how truly messed up I am over him not being here. In the search bar, I type in "light up pillow long distance".

I knew I couldn't have just been making these things up in my head. I knew this pillow had to have existed. I'm not sure where I've seen it before, but I have seen it. I click on the first result I see and it takes me to a website. I read the description aloud. "This pillow serves the purpose to connect long distance lovers. Pillow lights up when partner is lying on it. Pillow also picks up lovers' heartbeats and transmits them through pillow to ensure longevity in light life." This is exactly what I need. I scroll down and look at the price. They're only $39.99 a piece. I mean sure, that's pretty expensive for two pillows, but I think it'd be worth it. As soon as Selena comes back with my card, I'm going to order them.

I feel better. I feel much, much better now that I read that letter from him. I love how he told me he loved me. I love him too. I feel so much better.

I get up from my study desk and head to the bathroom. I have to shower and get clean. I actually wish I would've gone to classes today. I feel fine now. I start the water to the shower and get in. On the hole, I'm feeling better. I'm not as upset as I was, but my stomach is still feeling a bit weird. Probably because I haven't really eaten anything.

I turn around and wash my back. Out of nowhere, I feel it just rise up in my throat. Quickly, I turn around to face the shower spray, open my mouth, and watch it all just come out. It's watery, because I haven't had anything solid to eat in a while. I cough a little and let it all just spew out. It goes down the drain in chunks. I spit and wipe my mouth. I don't know where that just came from. That was so random.

I rinse my mouth out with the hot water and shake my head. I hate the taste I still have in my mouth from it. I grab my washrag and wash between my legs with it. A little bit of blood comes out onto the rag. Well, I think I found the reason why my stomach is so uneasy. I count back in my head to make sure it's on time. Sure enough, it is.

With that being said, I need Selena to hurry up with those tampons.


"Why didn't you go to class today?"

"Because I didn't feel good. I'm feeling okay now, but I wasn't earlier. How's Carlo?" I lie on my stomach and grab the can of Miller Lite I cracked open about ten minutes ago. It's actually pretty easy to get beers on campus. I know a guy that makes fake I.D.s, so he made my life easier. I only really drink beer when I'm on my period. For some reason, it takes my cramps away.

"He's good. Sleeping right now." She answers me.

"That's good. I'm just waiting for Selena to get back. She went grocery shopping after her classes. She should be back in a few, actually."

"That's good that you guys have food in the house."

"Yeah. What's everyone else doing? Mom, Dad, Maddie and Rob?"

"Mom's at the shop. Eddie's in Carlsbad. Madison is over Jade's, and fuck Rob."

"…Fuck Rob? What'd' he do now?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you!" I hear a little bit of rustling at the other end of the phone before she continues. "So. I had that motherfucker's phone last night, right? Cause mine's all fucked up, and Carlo was over his parents' house so I needed a phone so they could reach me. So while he was at work, he let me keep his phone. And you know me. I was going through his shit. And I found all these snapchat screenshots! This little bitch named Kelsea was snapchatting him her boobs and pictures of her in her bra and shit. So I flipped the fuck out and he's staying with his parents for a while. I'm not even letting him see the baby."

"C'mon, Dal. You can't keep him from seeing his baby. That's messed up."

"I don't care. I don't want my son around his hoes. This is like the fifth time I caught that fucker trying to be sneaky. Like if I flip out every single time I catch him talking to other girls, don't you think his stupid ass would STOP getting caught? I don't care how fucked up it is. I don't want my son around hoes."

"You're a MESS, Dal." I take another sip of my beer.

"What would you do if you saw boobs in Joe's phone? Boobs that AREN'T yours?!"

"…I can't even lie. I'd probably break his shit."

"Exactly! I threw his phone across the room and it's all cracked and busted now."

"I would've done the same to Joe's phone, no lie." I take one more sip. "Oh, and by the way, I got a letter from Joe. He's alright and all that jazz."

"That's good. What are you drinking? I hear it…"

"Beer. I have cramps and shit. My stomach's still all types of fucked up, so I think I'm gonna go see the campus doctor next week sometime." I put my beer down. "I got a newsletter today, and they're looking for helpers at the campus daycare center. I think I'm gonna apply there. I need a job on campus."

"You? Work at a daycare?"

"Well it's either the daycare or Starbucks. Everyone works at Starbucks… and plus, the daycare works around schedules, so…"

"I mean, if you want to. Go for it. I'd like to work at a daycare. It's probably super easy."

"Yeah, probably. I'm gonna snag an application tomorrow."

"Sounds good. Hey, listen. The baby's waking up. I'm gonna give him a bath and feed him and stuff. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, I'll see you later. Love you, dal."

"Love you too, bye."

"Bye."

I put my phone down and guzzle down the last few sips of my beer. My stomach doesn't hurt much anymore, since I drank it. I really better schedule myself an appointment with the campus doctor. I pick my phone back up and call down to the UCLA medical center.

"Hello, UCLA Medical Center, how may I help you?"

"Yes, hi. I'd like to make an appointment to see the student doctor. I'm a freshman living on campus."

"Your last name, please?"

"Lovato."

There's a slight pause. "First name Demetria? Neuroscience major?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Okay, what are your signs and symptoms?"

"Upset stomach, headaches and vomiting. I just need to be checked out, to make sure it's not something serious."

"Okay, are you pregnant honey?"

"No. I just got my menstrual today. I'm not currently sexually active."

"Alright. I can get you in… towards the middle of next week. February 19th is that okay?"

"Um… Yeah, that's fine. Can I have an evening appointment? I have classes in the morning."

"How is 3:30?"

"That's fine. Thank you."

"No problem honey."