What bring they 'neath the midnight,

Beside the River-sea?

They bring the human heart wherein

No nightly calm can be;

That droppeth never with the wind,

Nor drieth with the dew;

O calm it, God; thy calm is broad

To cover spirits too.

The river floweth on.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"A Romance of the Ganges", 1838

Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knee.

Victor Hugo

Les Miserables Chapter IV. "A Heart beneath a Stone"

As it turned out, Audra had cooked up a decent pot of chili and rice to feed the exhausted group. They divided up the watch, and all managed to get a few hours' sleep before morning. Smith deliberately chose the last shift, as he expected Heath would be up and around at that point, and he wanted a chance to see how he was doing before he headed back down the trail with Frank.

He didn't have long to wait. John relieved Jarrod and sent him off to catch a little more rest, and then stoked the fire and heated up some coffee. A few minutes later, he saw Heath up and moving silently along the edge of the campsite. As John watched, Heath brought each of the horses some water and a scoop of grain from a gunnysack they had packed in the buckboard; they had a small herd of eleven horses with them now, having retrieved the six mounts Jasper had stolen in Sonora. Heath was clearly stiff and in pain at first, and moved slowly with a pronounced limp. As he carried over one bucket after another, though, he seemed to limber up, and was moving somewhat more easily by the time he completed his task.

Heath then walked slowly through the spread of scattered supplies that they would gather up come sunrise. He was looking for something. He knelt when he found what he sought, extracting the longbow and bundle of arrows from beneath some sacks of seed and rice. By the fire, he examined them for damage, then came over to sit by John where he had stationed himself outside the circle of light.

"Mornin'. You get some rest?" he said softly once he was close, not wanting to wake their companions.

"Yeah, thank goodness. Didn't like the idea of traveling with those two criminals on no sleep, not to mention with all those horses. You?"

Heath smiled briefly. "Yeah, I did, actually." He looked surprised. "It's funny – I'm glad Nick's here. So now I'm bringing all three of them to visit Hannah. And visit my home town. Not like the place is something to be proud of. I'm not sure why I'm happy about it, but there it is."

"Makes sense to me," John said. "There's a whole lot about you they don't know, Heath. I know there's things you don't want to share with them, that'll take time – but they don't even know about your family, the people who raised you, and they have had no idea how you've been grieving this whole year. From what I've heard from Jarrod, they didn't tell Audra anything about Rachael's death. And the rest of them, to varying degrees, didn't want to know because they were just trying to cope with the idea of you, and the patriarch's fall from his pedestal."

Heath looked slightly stunned, as John's words abruptly took his picture of his life with this Barkley family and turned it sideways. He had brief feeling of vertigo, and then the certain sense that he was about to see all kinds of things he'd been blind to before.

"I mean, think about it," John went on. "Think about how you felt with Frank saying what he did about Hannah, and Rachael, and your Mama. I could see you felt better. Nothing takes away the pain of losing the ones we love, believe me, I know, but being alone with it – invisible with it – with your own family? That's gonna make you crazy. Maybe these Barkleys weren't ready to know you when you dropped out of the sky and onto the ranch," - Heath smiled at that - "but they sure are now, as far as I can see. And you – well, you need that. Don't you think?"

"Not just them that wasn't ready," Heath said quietly. He looked up the trail toward Strawberry. "I been running away from it all this time. Haven't been able to face how much I miss them, or how angry I am at myself for how I failed her. Failed all of them."

An understanding snapped into place for John as a big piece of the puzzle came clear.

"Failed them? How?"

"I should have been there to take care of my Mama when she was so sick. I should have been there to protect Rachael from Matt and Martha. They killed her to get at me, while I was off in that big house. And because of me now Hannah is all alone." He spoke softly. "I'm not the one to be comforted. It was my fault."

Oh, boy, John thought, once again picturing Heath turning away from Audra's hand. Keeping Death in the game. So that's what it is.

John had a strong urge to jump all over this boy's misplaced guilt and anger with a harangue that would dwarf the talking to he had given Heath last night. With an effort, he suppressed that impulse, at least for now. He thought of Rivka.

"You know, Heath, there was a stretch of several days when you had pneumonia in that prison, when we didn't know if you were going to live or die. One of those days I was sitting by you, thinking my heart would break if you didn't pull through. I felt it was my fault that you were dying. Twice I brought you to that prison, and twice you almost died. You trusted me. It was my responsibility to keep you safe, and I thought I knew what the dangers were, but I was wrong. I failed you."

Heath was very still, listening.

"Rivka was with me. She knew what I was feeling as though I had spoken it aloud. I'm guessing you know what she said to me, because I suspect she's had to say the same to you."

Heath met his gaze. "She reminded you that men can be monsters. That the fault lies with those that have chosen to do evil."

"Yes, exactly. And she said, do not waste your energy on condemning yourself. She is wise, your Rivka. I would add that we all make mistakes and are not always there for each other as we might want to be. It's healthy to be angry with yourself from time to time, right? But laying the full weight of the blame on yourself for the crimes of someone like Matt and Martha Simmons? That leads nowhere good, it is a waste of energy, and brings peace to no one. It does nothing to honor the memory of Leah or Rachael. In fact it perpetuates the evil that was done to your family."

Heath put his head in his hands. "I understand – I do. But I can't seem to hold on to it."

"Well, you've got some good company, if you're willing to let those three keep reminding you, because I think you're going to need to practice. And another thing – I got thinking about this last night when Frank was going on about Hannah and her cornbread. He's the one person here who's known you the longest, who knew your family, who could see your loss without you having to explain. One of the first things you told me when I came here was how much Rivka helped you feel steady and get stronger, and you were afraid to rely too much on her. But why wouldn't you want to have people around – like Rivka - who love you and have known you most of your life, especially when you're going through a hard time? That's when you need them the most. That's not weakness, Heath, that's just normal. I don't think you should keep her at a distance. Or this Barkley family, though they've got some catching up to do, no doubt." John smiled at him. "I'd kinda like to meet Hannah myself, though maybe you'll succeed in convincing her to come down to the ranch for a visit."

"I sure hope so," Heath said. His expression was thoughtful, even a little bit hopeful. "Right now I'm not thinkin' much beyond just getting there and fixing a few things, make myself useful. And trying to keep my thinking going in a straight line as much as possible. My head feels about like that buckboard over there – no wheels on the ground and everything scattered all over."

"I think you have the right idea, son. One thing at a time. Soon as your brothers and sister are up, I think that wagon, at least, will be back on the trail in short order. In the meantime, though, I could use your help putting together a travois to drag Jasper and his busted legs back down the mountain. How about it?"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

It wasn't exactly "short order", but by early afternoon, the four siblings had the buckboard wheels on the ground and the salvageable supplies packed up, and they were now standing in a loose semicircle regarding the untangled harness and the broken left-hand shaft. Jarrod shook his head in disbelief.

"You mean to say that thing snapped and hit you? Ouch."

"You ain't foolin'," Heath agreed, wincing as he rubbed his chest with one hand. "Knocked me flat on my back."

"Way I see it, we got two questions," Nick said. "How to patch this rig together so it can be attached to a horse, and then which horse is gonna pull this loaded wagon the rest of the way uphill."

"As far as which horse," Audra weighed in, "Sombra's got the strength, but we haven't come close to trying her with a harness. Not to mention she's had some pretty terrible experiences lately with those men trying to force her to pull."

"Audra, why don't we try what we did with the saddle and ride on either side of her. We can at least try the harness on and see how she feels about that, and Nick and Jarrod can maybe rig up something to replace the shaft. I kinda think if she's got Jingo and Nike to keep her company, she'll be willing to do just about anything."

After a few false starts – the harness was just barely big enough to be adjusted to Sombra's size – they were underway up the mountain, Heath and Audra riding a close escort on either side, Jarrod driving the cart, and Nick riding alongside on Coco. Jarrod marveled at the change in Sombra's demeanor. She was moving along effortlessly, as though the buckboard was weightless and all was well with the world. Her calm was infectious, and Jarrod sensed that he and his three siblings were more relaxed and at ease than they had been in some time. It felt right to him that they were all four together on this trek. There was so much over this past year that had been fragmented; stories untold, histories unbridged to the present and future, experiences unseen and unexpressed. With this trip, it was as though they were traveling to meet their brother again for the first time, and he them.