Title: The Adventures of ATM: Love, Hate and Weapons of Mass Destruction

Author: Kaykyaka

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used within this fictional story. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made by this work of fiction.

Ratings: K+

Characters: Lita, Trish Stratus (not married in this story), Melina, DX, Edge, Nitro, Carlito, Shelton Benjamin, Randy Orton, John Cena, Cryme Tyme, The Hardyz, Undertaker, Batista, The McMahons, Maria, CM Punk, LAX, Britney Spears, the Kliq and various WWE and TNA wrestlers.

Summary: Shawn's troubled marriage gets media attention and ATM are ready to go to war but in the battle for true love will anybody be left standing? The Adventures of ATM continue.

Twenty Seven - Funeral for a Friend

522nd Infantry Regiment, South Baghdad, midnight:

The Sunni insurgents that had captured ATM brought Lita into a cave and uncovered her face.

"This is the one, she knows where we've been hiding the Weapons of Mass Destruction," a Sunni soldier said to his comrade who pulled Lita's hair back raising his hand high above his head and praying to someone called Allah.

Lita rolled her eyes, she couldn't wait for him to kill her, the war would be over in a minute.

The insurgent lowered his hand and cut Anointed Amy's across the neck spilling her blood which ran over her head staining her blond hair red. She clutched her throat as the men began to cheer in celebration of her "death" and waited for God to go to work.

"Why is she still alive?" one of the insurgents said to his comrade who stopping celebrating the death of another American soldier and stared in absolute horror as Lita's hair began to move seemingly of its own accord like giant flames lighting up the black hole they had pulled her into, after separating her from Melina and Trish who were watching the whole thing from the rock the Sunni insurgents had tied them to planning to kill them next. They were praying the whole time and try as they might by shouting at them the insurgents could not shut them up.

"Be quiet!" one of the insurgents yelled.

"SUCK IT!" Melina and Trish yelled then suddenly the cave lit up in a bright light burning like fire and then a massive fireball rushed over the insurgents burning them to a crisp while Trish and Melina remained protected.

"Save them Father for they know not what they do," they prayed as their bodies burned to ashes right in front of her. When they were all dead she walked back up to the surface and every insurgent on their way to destroy her burnt to death as soon as they came within 20ft of her.

"What is that?" one of them said from afar as a walking ball of fire moved across the horizon lighting up the midnight sky and destroying everything in its path.

Melina and Trish wriggled free and ran up to the surface following the bright light and watched as one of by one the insurgents fell, their weapons useless against the power of Anointed Amy.

Now most of the enemy was perishing at her feet, Lita raised her hands to the sky and declared the Word God spoken to her:

"Behold, I have created the blacksmith

Who blows the coals in the fire

Who brings forth an instrument for his work

And I have created the spoiler to destroy

No weapon formed against me shall prosper

And every tongue which rises against you in judgment

I shall condemn

This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,

And their righteousness is from Me

Says the Lord," - Isaiah 54:16-17

This was the Word of God spoken for the damned before they reached Hell. The flames ceased and Lita's red hair was burnt to a cinder, as was her face and body, the only light was from her eyes as they burned with the passion of Christ that had consumed her heart for the last 24 hours in Iraq. She had done what the Lord called her to do, she had come with her sisters in Christ, found the Weapons of Mass Destruction and now Trish and Melina would return them to the President and bring victory to the United States of America and restore peace and civility among the Iraqi and American people forever.

She was not going to see the celebration because she was moments away from Heaven, Trish and Melina ran to her as she closed her eyes and just before she fell to the ground she said, "It is finished," and died right there on the battlefield in South Baghdad.

"No!" Melina cried and Trish quieted her but she was hysterical and tried to find Lita in the black dust that was raising up amongst the black plumes of smoke and gunfire that had exploded over their heads for the past day.

"She's alive Mel relax," Trish said, "grab that cannister," she said indicating the empty shell by Melina's feet. The Miraculous one picked it up and gave it to Trish who scrapped up the Amy's ashes and sealed it, "Pray with me Lina come on,"

Together the remaining members of ATM prayed for the safe return of the troops to their families as the 522nd Infantry arrived to take them back to the base ready to return to the United States and declare that the war in Iraq was over and soldier Amelie Dumant aka Amy Dumas better known by all as Lita gave her life for the USA and to arrange her military funeral right away.

"But she's not dead right?" Melina asked Trish as they rode back to base and The Truth hugged her sister in Christ lovingly.

"That all depends on her eternal soul mate," she said and Melina wondered what Trish was talking about but as usual she would just have to wait and see like their friends awaiting their immediate return over in San Antonio, TX.

Back in San Antonio . . .

Monday morning, news that the war in Iraq was over spread like wild fire, people were celebrating all over the world at the news that the Weapons of Mass Destruction were found and the troops were returning home for good.

There was no celebrating at Cornerstone church however, news of a rogue soldier by the name of Amelia Dumont which was obviously Amy's alias falling in battle pierced the heart of each and every WWE Superstar and wrestling fan all over the world. Edge hadn't said a word since the news broke and Shawn was trying to catch his breath after being chased by Pastor Hagee for the past twenty minutes.

The Pastor of Cornerstone church was certain HBK had a demon in him while he was praying that his faith in his marriage to Rebecca was restored Shawn cried out "SUCK IT!" scaring the congregation half to death and Shawn didn't even know why he said it, until blood started running down his face from the crown of his head and his skin started to burn.

All the Superstars and his family screamed but it was over before it began in a flash and suddenly HBK was back to normal, he couldn't feel Lita, he didn't even remember being mad at Rebecca. He felt this mighty release like he was elevating and he was, he was literally floating up towards the Heavens. It wasn't until Pastor Hagee told him to come down that his feet touched the altar and he came back down to Earth.

"What is wrong with you boy are you loco?" Pastor Hagee asked the Showstoppa who was smiling from ear to ear.

"No I'm fine Pastor I just saw Heaven and it is awesome!" Shawn told everybody, the whole of his neighborhood had clamored into the huge church to hear about the role the WWE Divas had played in Iraq and when they were going to be rewarded for finding the Weapons of Mass Destruction by the President who was on his way to San Antonio right now.

"You saw Heaven," the Pastor asked amazed, "What was it like?"

"It was beautiful, I saw Eddy, I saw Owen Hart . . . and I saw my place on the right side of throne but there was an empty seat next to it, I think that's where Amy is supposed to be but I didn't see her up there," Shawn explained as best he could but his friends and family were already rolling their eyes at him.

"Come on Shawn, get right," Shelton said but Edge stepped in front of Shawn and told him to finish.

"So you're saying Lita's still alive?" he said hopefully but Shawn shook his head sadly.

"I didn't see her up there Edge, that means she's probably horribly burned she's not gonna last long not under that amount of fire," he told her fiancé who shook his head in disbelief.

"You're wrong, she's got the Anointing to protect her from all that," Edge argued.

"I can't stand to see you like this," Shawn said moving away from Edge but the Rated R Superstar pulled him back and insisted he tell him why he thought Lita was dead, "Did you see how many insurgents there were on that road, there's no way she made it out of there looking the way she did when she went in, it's a war Edge not a beauty contest, most of those soldiers are scarred or maimed when they come home Lita won't be any different,"

Matt and Jeff buried their hands in their faces and Undertaker tried to comfort them but it was no use.

"I don't care how she looks Shawn, I just want her to live long enough for me to marry her before . . . " Edge trailed off but he had to show everyone that he really did love Lita no matter what her appearance, "When she does get to Heaven I want it to be as Mrs. Amy Copeland,"

Linda and Vince cried at that statement, so did everyone else.

"She was the sacrifice Edge," Randy said showing him the picture of Lita in her coffin with the military background and the American flag draping the casket, "You might be able to say goodbye to her before she dies she'd love to see you one last time,"

Rebecca came over to Edge and hugged him tightly, "I'm so sorry this has happened to you," she said knowing how much Edge loved Lita, "I hope you see her up there when you're time is up,"

"Wait-a-minute hold up," Randy said looking at the picture again and waved his hand across it, he gasped and dropped the picture to the floor then quickly picked it up before anyone could see it.

"What is it?" Edge asked curiously as Randy began to smile from ear to ear, Shawn knew whatever Randy saw had to be good, "Is Lita gonna live?" Edge asked excitedly.

"Can I talk to you a minute?" Randy said to Shawn escorting him to the side followed by El Con Dios who was wiping tears of joy away from his eyes after seeing Trish on the TV looking very much alive and he thanked God for bringing her home safe.

"She's alive isn't she?" Shawn said beaming as Randy nodded.

"Well that all depends on you Michaels," he answered, "Look," he said and showed St. Michaels the picture in his hand, Shawn's face went from bright to black in a matter of seconds.

"I can't do that I can't kiss Lita," he said, "I'm married kissing another woman is a breach in my marital contract,"

"But you have to, this is what you were destined to do Shawn! I've been looking at this picture since we first came to Orlando from your house, that was two weeks ago now it makes sense, your kiss is gonna bring Lita back to life!"

"I don't care I can't do it!" Shawn cried and El Con Dios frowned at his Christian brother confused.

"Why not?" he asked coolly and Shawn rolled his eyes.

"Would you want Rocky making out with Trish?" he said.

"No of course I wouldn't unless he could save her life, she's mi amor my true love and eternal soul mate, how could you not care about yours?" El Con Dios asked St. Michaels who ran his hand over his face in despair.

"Because kissing Lita would prove all along that Rebecca and Hunter were right, that I am in love with Lita when I'm not," he explained and Randy shook his head.

"But you are in love with Lita," he said and Shawn got hot.

"No I'm not," he said through gritted teeth.

"Shawn come on, hanging out with th Hardyz, substituting for Edge, flirting with Hunter that's all Lita it's exactly what she would do and you've been feeling her Anointed spirit for the past week and now you're actually her own personal lord and savior, you couldn't be more destined to be together if you tried," Randy argued.

"Randy that's crazy talk," Shawn said.

"Oh yeah? Well tell me I'm crazy when you bring her back to life," Randy replied and Shawn couldn't believe it, after all these years of trying not to kiss Lita it was his kiss that was gonna save her life.

"They're back!" Batista cried as Melina and Trish burst through the door.

"YEAH!" their friends and the entire congregation cheered but their cheers were soon cut short when the hurse carrying Lita's dead body pulled up outside the church.

The WWE Superstars came outside to see the military take Lita's coffin out of the hurse and bring it towards the building.

"Oh my God," Torrie Wilson said feeling guilty for pinning her possession on Lita and the other angelic members of ATM, "Trish, Melina can you ever forgive me? I told the President you were the ones responsible for possessing me, I didn't know you were being blackmailed by witches,"

"Torrie calm down, this is a funeral try to control yourself," Trish replied and Torrie hurried back into the church.

Melina shook her head at Trish disapprovingly, "That was mean,"

"I know I just don't like her," Trish replied walking into the church and catching sight of her Carribean beau, "El Con Dios," she sighed romantically as her boyfriend's beaming eyes danced all over the place and he wrapped her up in his arms and swung her around.

"You found the Weapons of Mass Destruction, I am so proud of you," Carlito said kissing her up and down her face, when her cap fell off he dropped her and fell back in shock, "You're bald!"

"I'm still incognito vato, it'll grow back now give me a little more of that sugar," Trish said seductively and that weren't no easy task considering she looked like a giant Sphinx cat.

"Hey you," Melina said to Johnny Nitro who drew his arms around his curvaceous wife.

"Hey you," Melina replied and gave her husband a kiss to show how much she missed him, he got the message loud and clear.

The President arrived moments afterwards and was followed by his administration and news people. He didn't recognize either Trish or Melina until Condelezza Rice pointed them out to him and told him who there were.

"You were the broads who found them Dubya MDs?" he asked Trish Stratus who nodded.

"But I'd much rather have my best friend back, Amy gave her life for her country she's the one who deserves the acclaim not me, I've got Carlito and that's all I want in life, my beautiful Caribbean sweetheart," she said kissing Carlito amorously and Con Dios was so caught up he forgot she was bald and kissed her deeply in front of the President who walked passed them and straight up to the altar where Vince and Linda McMahon were standing.

"I'm sorry I made fun of your wrestling promotion, you got some very special talent on your roster and the women are a lot tougher than they look, especially that one right there," Bush said looking down at the charred body of Amy Dumas, around which her mother and father were gathered with Edge, Matt and Jeff Hardy.

Vince wiped away a tear and Linda tried to pull it up but tears were staining her face too, she couldn't imagine losing Stephanie or Shane she had no idea what Mr. and Mrs. Dumas were going through right now but she knew they must have been very proud of her, the McMahons and the entire WWE roster certainly were.

"She gave her life in that ring and now she's given her life for her country, God bless you Lita, you deserve your place in Heaven," Linda McMahon said and Vince agreed, he had seen bravery but not like this ever from a person he had worked with over the last thirty years except maybe Shawn Michaels.

"Let's say goodbye to a friend," he said and Linda and her husband took their place at the front of the pew with Lita's friends and family and the entire world who wanted to witness the funeral of one of the greatest American heroes in wrestling history.

Shawn Michaels wasn't willing to say goodbye, he rose from his seat and walked towards the coffin and knelt down beside it.

"What is he doing?" The President asked Vince and Linda who were fed up with trying to explain HBK's erratic behavior over the past few weeks, Randy was more than willing to answer the President's question and he leaned over from the pew behind and showed the President the picture of Shawn kissing Lita.

"He's saving private Amy," Randy said and the President watched along with everyone else as Shawn kissed Lita's burnt lips like they were sugarcoated and didn't stop until she started to kiss him back. When her arm raised up and caressed his hair the congregation screamed in shock.

"Zombie!" Mr. Kennedy cried out.

"Demon!" MVP cried out.

"Hallejuiah!" Trish and Melina cried out as Lita regenerated, her skin was glowing and her hair was velvet red locks streaming down her back as she kissed HBK passionately in front of the whole world like it was Valentine's Day.

Pastor Hagee couldn't believe it, "We are witnessing the resurrection of Anointed Amy, soldier of Christ, sister of the church and the toughest Diva to ever wear an army helmet!" he declared, "Give the Lord praise!"

The congregation just stared back at him and he admonished them, "You call that praise?" Trish said, "Get up and give it up for the Lord!" she said like a Christian cheerleader and everybody got up and started singing the Lord's praises and Pastor Hagee rolled his eyes.

"Sure when I say praise the Lord you're all put out but when Trish Stratus says it you're all praise and worship, she doesn't even have any hair!" he complained.

"Yet she's still the hottest Diva on the planet," El Con Dios said and Nitro cleared his throat obnoxiously and pointed to his wife.

"You mean second hottest Diva on the planet," he said stroking Melina's sunkissed face adoringly, "Welcome back baby," he said and gave her a kiss.

Shawn and Lita began to rise and Trish quickly separated them, "Not yet, you've still got work to do here on Earth, ya'll won't be sitting at the right hand of the Lord for awhile so stop levitating already," she admonished them and they sighed.

"Fine," they both said at the same time.

"Wow Lita you're hair's blond," Shawn said noticing that Lita's long red locks were replaced with honey blond ones.

"You're hair's gone all red, what's up with that?" Lita said to Shawn who looked at his ponytail and saw that his hair was very red.

"What does this mean?" he asked Trish who told them what it meant.

"It means your soul mates dumbass, what's hers is yours and what's yours is hers in the Spirit Realm and in Heaven," she replied bluntly and then turned her attention to Edge and Rebecca who were scratching their heads trying to work out if they should be mad at their partners or ecstatic that Lita was alive and well.

"So where does this leave me?" Edge asked confused over what would amount to infidelity in the Bible.

"Back at square one no doubt," Rebecca sighed bitterly.

"Exactly," Trish agreed, "You two are gonna have to accept that even though Lita and Shawn are your lovers here on Earth, they are bound together in the Heavenlies for all eternity,"

"I'm cool with that, I've made out with both of them," Edge bragged cockily and Rebecca rolled her eyes.

"I have no interest in sleeping with either of them," she replied and walked over to the eternal soul mates of the hour, "I'm proud of you Lita, you are a true American hero and a badass wrestler too," she said to Lita then she turned to her husband, "As for you St. Michaels I'll see you later down the road sometime, I can't take this anymore I'm out,"

"Oh Rebecca?" Shawn called after his soon-to-be ex-wife as she took her seat, "I think I speak for the entire population of San Antonio TX when I say you can take this marriage and -"

"SUCK IT!" the congregation got up and cheered including the WWE Superstars much to Rebecca's horror and Lita's too.

"Shawn don't give up on her!" she told her soul mate but HBK's mind was made up, his dusted off his hands and told Rebecca he wanted a divorce.

"But I thought he had to stay married?" Lita asked Trish who shook her head while applauding Shawn's decision.

"He only had to stay married to save your life, now you're resurrected, he's made good on his part of the deal, now the Lord can release him from his covenant with Rebecca, Matthew 5:30 says a man has every right to divorce his wife on grounds of adultery,"

"But that's so sad," Melina said and Trish smiled over at TKO and El Con Dios who already knew that this was the best thing that could ever have happened to HBK, it was their job to make sure Lita saw it that way too.