Chapter 28: Failure to Ed
It felt as though it took forever for the weekend to arrive. Eddy and Ed ran into the locker-room after practice. "Damn it that practice took forever!" Eddy snapped, pulling off his grass stained shirt, throwing it into his bag.
Ed nodded in agreement, pulling off his pants. "It was as though we fell into a time loop, where it was slower, but we still aged." Ed began to feel his face, making sure he didn't have a beard. "But yet we didn't." Ed began to stare at his hands.
"I'm going to shower." Eddy left Ed to his imagination.
"So, Eddy, you going to that party tonight?" Kevin asked, seeing Eddy walk in. Eddy shook his head, turning on the shower.
"I got scheduled to work tonight." Eddy replied.
"That sucks." Kevin commented. Eddy nodded. "So, where's Double D been? Feels like he disappeared during the middle of the week." Kevin asked.
"He was in class all week." Eddy mentioned.
"You know what I mean, dork." Kevin rolled his eyes. "Normally, he hangs with you guys."
Eddy nodded. "We don't hang out all of the time!" Eddy defended. Levin laughed. "We got our own lives! Besides, he's busy getting 'lessons' on being 'wild'." Eddy grabbed his shower gel, pouring it into his hand.
"Hah, Double Dork is trying to be 'wild'? Is that why he's been wearing your chain wallet… and why he's been eating dessert first, then his lunch?" Kevin snorted. "Who the hell is giving him these 'lessons'."
"Fucking Marie Kanker." Eddy sighed, rinsing off the suds.
"Holy shit dude." Kevin looked to Eddy dumbfounded.
"No, this is Ed." Ed smiled, standing next to Eddy in a divers suit.
Kevin turned off the shower grabbing a towel. "You better keep an eye on Dork." Kevin warned. "That bitch might be teaching him more than just how to let loose. She stole my bike once." Kevin reminded. "And she graffitied my garage since I called the cops. She's bad news."
Ed blinked, staring at Kevin. "Marie?" Ed questioned.
"Fucking Marie." Kevin snapped, walking away.
Ed looked to Eddy concerned. "Is Double D in trouble?" Ed asked.
Edd rolled his eyes, rubbing shampoo into his hair. "Who the hell cares. He asked for it." Ed swallowed hard, biting his lip. "Besides. She's been hanging around us and hasn't been as bad as the stories about her are. It's probably just neighborhood gossip like usual."
~o~
Edd sat in the kitchen of the Kanker's home, looking through a fishing magazine as Marie was at the counter, mixing liquids together. "You remember how you owe me, right?" Marie asked, walking over to Edd with a cup in her hand. Edd looked up from the fishing magazine. "Well, here it is." She handed him the cup. Edd looked down at it curiously.
He smelt it, looking back up to Marie with his eyes wide. "Is this alcoholic?!" He snapped.
"I call it Trashed, made it up myself." Marie smiled proudly. "You've got to drink all of it."
Edd placed the cup down, "Marie, I can't… it smells disgusting, and I'll get drunk." Edd stared up to Marie. "And though I put myself in the situation where I'm around it, I don't approve of underage drinking."
"Please, you're close enough, you've got 3 years until you're legal." Marie smiled. "Plus, in your ground rules of trying anything just once, you said nothing about alcohol!"
"4 Years…" Edd corrected. "The reason I did not state it is because I had tried it once… at a family wedding for a toast… it was Chardonnay. I thought they had giving my grape juice."
"You're 17?" Marie looked at him in shock. Edd nodded. "Sorry but… you're too young for me." Marie teased. "I like my men legal."
"Aren't you 17?" Edd crossed his arms.
"Not anymore." Marie smiled. "How long have you got?"
"It doesn't matter; I'm not consuming this." Edd got back on topic.
Marie pulled Edd's chair out, sitting on his lap. He tensed, staring up to Marie. "Please remove yourself from my lap." He whispered. Marie cupped his face, putting her nose to his. "And please refrain from invading my personal space."
"You owe me." Marie smiled. Edd let out a sigh, looking away from Marie. He picked up the cup, swirling the liquid inside. Marie moved away from him, crossing her arms, waiting. "And also, this is your second lesson, you have to at least get drunk once!"
"I would ask if there is something else I could do instead, but I'm more afraid of what that would be." He glanced at Marie.
"You should be." Marie stood up. "It involves a field and getting naked." Marie winked. Edd put the cup to his lips, quickly moving it away before he even took a sip. "Drink it Already!" Marie snapped.
Edd looked to her. "What would your mother say coming home with me drunk?! Or your sisters?!" Edd asked.
"Stop over thinking." Marie snapped.
"But…"
"Lee is at work, she's closing tonight, May is 'tutoring' Big Ed, and my mom has the graveyard shift." Marie explained. "Trust me, you'll be fine!" Edd stared at Marie looking uneasy. "Come on, once in your overly controlled life, try something crazy." Marie began to beg. Edd took a deep breath looking at the cup, feeling a pit in his stomach. "Well, if you don't drink it, hand it over."
"I must be crazy…" Edd muttered, he closed his eyes downing the drink. Once the cup was emptied, he stuck out his tongue in disgust. "You couldn't have made it taste better?" He glared up to Marie, who was looking at him in shock. "I think I need something to wash it down… it feels like it's coming back up."
"Wow," She looked in the empty cup. "I didn't mean all of it… I wanted some too. Fuck, you're going to be so shitfaced."
Edd's eyes widened, staring at her. "But… you said…"
~o~
May laid in Ed's bed with a pillow over her head letting out a groan. "Please… please… I just don't get it…"
Ed stared down at the essay question. "Aliens didn't make the Statue of Liberty?" Ed asked, confused. "But, in…"
"No, Ed…" May sat up throwing the pillow at him. "The Statue of Liberty was a gift from France! The sister statue is the Eiffel Tower!" May snapped. Ed turned to May staring at her. "And no, aliens did not help with it as a peace offering and promise to not take over the planet again!" Ed's lip quivered. May stood up, hitting her forehead with her hand. "How did Double D tutor you for so long without losing it?!"
Ed blinked. "Double D is a mystery."
May laid back down onto the bed, letting out a groan.
"Can we cuddle?" Ed asked.
"No." May snapped, crossing her arms. "Not until you get your essay right."
"Write till it's right!" Ed held up his pen. "After my gravy…"
"No Gravy Breaks!" May snapped. Ed gasped, covering his mouth. "Finish that essay now." Ed turned to his desk, writing furiously. May frowned, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of Ed writing. She closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them. Ed was standing over her with a smile and the essay.
May took it beginning to read it. Ed took no time to crawl into his bed, cuddling up next to her, wrapping his arms around her. May nodded, reading the essay. "Wow, this is good." She smiled, turning the page. Ed wrapped his leg around hers, cuddling closer. "This has a great point!" May felt relief as she read on. "I knew you had it in…" May paused, re-reading the last page. She glared to Ed. Ed looked to her innocently.
"Is something wrong my little chicken?"
"'What the history books have failed to tell you is that lady liberty watches over us, being our valiant knight, and also our robot goddess that is our sentry and will thwart any evil doers from stealing our precious flag that is riddled with the mysteries of the unknown universe and its Twinkies?!'" May read the essay aloud.
"You forgot to read the part about the Eiffel tower." Ed pointed proudly.
May sat up, shoving Ed away from her. "I'm going home." She snapped, getting out of his bed, grabbing her book bag. Ed sat up watching her put on her shoes.
"But… movie night." Ed's bottom lip puffed out. "I finished the essay."
"You have to redo the last page." May walked to the door. Ed got out of his bed to give May a good night kiss. May pushed him away. "You are not allowed near me until you do that essay right." May warned, leaving.
Ed froze. "B-but…" He watched her walk upstairs. "Does that mean you don't want to be my girlfriend?!" Ed questioned. May didn't respond. She left, slamming the door. Tears welled up in Ed's eyes. "But I wrote the essay!" He cried.
~o~
Eddy cleaned up a table, putting the glasses into his black bin, wiping everything down. He groaned, lifting the bin, walking to the back. As he did, he heard Lee talking with the bartender. He glanced to see her leaning on the bar, giving a smile as the bartender was charming her. Eddy looked around to see if anyone else noticed, which they didn't.
He put the bin at the sink, preparing to wash the glasses. Before he could, he looked up to see Lee walking by, pocketing a piece of paper before she walked back out to the floor. She glanced back to Eddy with a smirk, "Keep starin'." He rolled his eyes, starting the dishes. "That's what I thought." Lee left.
Eddy received a text, pulling out his phone, reading it. He let out a little laugh, putting the phone away. "Even Double D's ass knows proper grammar." Eddy commented.
"Hey, we need more glasses out here!" Lee called to Eddy. Eddy looked to her with a frown.
"They're comin'" Eddy snapped, pulling out a crate of cleaned glasses. He walked them over to the bar, placing them onto the counter. He received another text, looking at it.
"Who are you texting?" Lee stood over Eddy, pulling the phone from his hands, looking at it.
"Nunya." Eddy snapped, grabbing his phone back.
Lee let out a laugh. "Looks like somebody is drunk." Lee pointed at Eddy's phone. "Seems like Hat Head is hanging out with Marie again."
"It's a butt text." Eddy commented, shoving his phone into his pocket. "Double D would never get drunk, remember? He's a stiff?"
"I've been seeing Hat Head around my place a lot lately, doing not so stiff things with Marie…and I know my drunk texts." Lee smiled. "That definitely is one." Lee pointed towards the phone.
"What kind of things?!" Eddy growled.
"Let's just say your Hat Head is becoming quite the 'wild child'." Lee walked away laughing. "You could say, he's getting pretty… free spirited." Eddy watched her walk away with his eyes narrowed. He made his way to the bathroom, texting Edd back.
'Are you drunk?' Eddy sent it. Almost instantly, he got a reply. 'Hats off you, you sir.' Eddy's jaw dropped. "Son of a bitch." He snapped, hitting the stall.
~o~
"Oh my god, you're so adorable!" Marie laughed. She sat on Edd's lap, holding his face, kissing his forehead. Edd stared up at her with his eyes half opened. He lightly touched her cheek, taking off an eyelash. Marie looked down at the eyelash. Marie smiled, picking it up from his finger.
"Did you know that if our hair produced more keratin in the follicles, it would be thicker and take on the look of spikes, as opposed to its thin soft texture?" Edd hiccupped, running his hand through Marie's hair. "We would resemble porcu-pines." Marie's nose scrunched at Edd's comment.
"Sounds weird and gross." She poked at him. "Say porcupines again."
"You're wei-rd and gross." Edd began to poke at her back. "Por-Cu-pines." Marie slapped him away, laughing.
"Stop! You're tickling me!" She complained, shoving his face away. Edd still continued to poke are her while licking her hand to stop her from shoving his face. "Lick all you want, that doesn't gross me out." Marie flinched as he grabbed her side.
May walked into the home, closing the door behind her miserably, wiping her eyes. She dropped her bags, looking up to see Marie and Edd in a tickle fight. "Hiya May!" Marie smiled, she turned around to face May.
"Hullo May." Edd leaned his head onto Marie's shoulder. "I'm fine." Marie covered her mouth laughing as he bit her shoulder.
"What's going on?" May asked, staring at Edd, noticing he was acting out of character. "Marie… did you drug him?!"
"No!" Marie smiled. She gasped when Edd grabbed her breasts. "Why would you think that?" She moved his hands down, but they went right back. May watched trying to hold back her smile. She kicked off her shoes, sitting next to them, staring at Edd.
"Oh, he's… drunk…" May commented in shock instantly smelling the alcohol on him, she grabbed his face, looking at him. "Marie… you didn't have to do this… Double D would have warmed up to you!" May glared at Marie.
"Actually…" Edd pulled away from May. "Drunk did this on Edd's own." May snorted. Marie laughed, getting off Edd's lap, sitting on her knees.
"He's such a light weight." Marie giggled. "I know! Let's go out!" Marie gasped excitedly. Edd and May looked at her. "I've got some extra fake id's. Let's hit up a bar!"
"Yeah!" Edd cheered.
"Whoa… no way…" May forced Edd's arms down. "Marie, you can't take advantage of Edd and do that! Once he sobers up, he'll freak!" Edd turned, looking at her.
"I'm drunk." He whispered.
"We know sweetie…" May pat Edd's face.
"Let's get tattoos then!" Marie smiled. Edd shook his head. "Not drunk enough for that?" Marie questioned with a smirk. "Fine," Marie began to think about what else to do. "Oh, I know!" She started hitting Edd's arm excitedly. "Let's get your ears pierced! You would look so awesome with gauges!" May and Marie looked at Edd as he put his finger to his chin.
"He's thinking about it!" May laughed.
Eddy and Lee burst into the trailer. Marie and May jumped, looking at the door. "Hey Skipper! Where's Gilligan?!" Edd blurted. Marie and May burst into laughter.
"Whad you two do to him?!" Eddy shouted. Lee's arms were crossed, glaring at her sisters. Edd placed his hands onto both Marie and May's boobs, Marie and May began cackling. Eddy saw, walking in front of the couch. He couldn't help but laugh, seeing the smile on Edd's face.
"Sorry, I thought you were working later." Marie stared at Lee.
"You thought wrong." Lee snapped. Eddy lifted Edd off the couch, dragging him towards the door. "I thought you were going to stay out of Ma's liquor cabinet!" Marie gave a toothy grin. "No thanks to you, I had to ride with this one and listen to his fat ass the whole time!" Lee pointed to Eddy.
Eddy glared at Lee. "'cuse me…" Edd waved to Lee with a grin. Lee glared at him. "But… these days… Eddy's ass is rock solid…" Edd gave Eddy a spank, while making a sizzle sound. 'Hot.' He mouthed, giving a biting motion. Eddy tensed at the gesture, staring at him. Lee's eyebrows raised. Marie and May burst into laughter again. Edd winked at Lee, giving her the finger guns. "Adios Muchachas!" Edd twirled, exiting the home backwards. Eddy stood at the door awkwardly, looking to Lee and her sisters. Lee began to chuckle after Edd left.
"Oh My God… I love drunk Double D!" May clapped as he made his exit.
Marie nodded in agreement. "He's fucking sassy."
"Good luck." Lee waved to Eddy.
"You two should be ashamed!" Eddy pointed to Marie and May. "And see ya around." Eddy nodded to Lee, leaving.
Lee turned back to her sisters, staring at them. Marie and May smiled to her. "Is there ever a time when you don't piss off Eddy?" Lee questioned Marie.
Marie smirked. "Why wouldn't I?"
Trashed: In a 18oz. Cup, 4oz. Whiskey, 4oz. Vodka, 2oz. Irish Cream, 1oz. Grenadine, 1oz. chocolate syrup, 4oz Red Bull. (Don't try this at home kids, unless you're at the legal drinking)
